ifyourstomachoffendsyou

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 Christians and Closets Surgery is tomorrow, Thursday. I have to be at the hospital at 8:30. I had confirmation today that I'm having this surgery in the nick of time. My pre-op blood tests came back and showed I'd moved from borderline diabetic to diabetic. That makes 3 co-morbidities. Lord I am tired of this disease! It is amazing to me that Christians don't talk about food addiction and obesity. It's not like we can't see it. We may be in the closet about it but our stomach's are sticking right out of the closet for all the world to see. Some of the highest rates of obesity (as well as depression) among women exist in the Bible Belt of the South. Shame, I'm sure, is the biggest reason we don't talk about it. We confuse food addiction with gluttony. But most of us who are food addicts have been battling it all our lives. We don't want this addiction. Nobody says when they're little, "I wanna be a fat food addict when I grow up." But we continue to eat even when we know its killing us. We stop for a while, lose some weight, and then the cravings and compulsions return more powerful than ever. And shame over our lack of control, shame over what we perceive as a lack of faith, or of obedience to the Word, drives us even deeper into the food. Pastors don't preach about it because they'd lose some of their very best workers. We, the food addicts, help everyone else as "good" Christians, frequently negating ourselves, and then help ourselves to more food because it makes us feel better. We eat to medicate depression, and in my case, to medicate ADHD as well. It satisfies something in our brains and that enables us to keep functioning and keep from falling apart. We don't seek medical help for what we now know is a medical condition because somehow that would make us bad Christians. So we stay in our closets and keep our mouths closed. This blog is my way of coming out of the closet about my food addiction and the terrible toll its taken on me and on my family. Come out of the closet people and lets talk.

Most people don't understand this disease. They don't see it as a medical condition that frequently requires a medical solution. Sometimes it seems they'd rather you died and went down fighting the disease on your own than that you get the help that could save your life and help you win the war. They are shame-based people who have to transfer that shame onto others. I've been writing about just this issue in my blog: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF I started it June 9 when I found out I'd been approved and June 18 was my surgery date. There are several posts dealing with guilt.

Steve, I started a blog in June as soon as I found out I'd been approved and was given a surgery date of June 18, 2009. It speaks to my journey as a Christian with food addiction who has chosen bariatric surgery. I think you might enjoy it. It's at: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Joann, I first read quilt guild as guilt guild and I wondered why in the world you would want to belong to that. I guess I really have guilt on my mind as some of my posts on other threads and in my blog show. Some of the OA and other weight loss meetings I've attended really would qualify as guilt guilds. I remember from other 12-step recovery groups the saying, Don't should on me." and "Don't should on yourself." And I would add, "Don't should on others." Maybe I'll do tonight's blog on that. Thanks for the recommendation to my blog. You can click on this link to read it. Posts go back, I think, to June 9. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

This looks like a great site. One of the best on lapbandtalk. I'm Cheri, and I had my band on June 18. I'm going to have to learn how to do all the fancy graphics you guys have. I'm a teacher and you know we're the last to learn technology--we're too busy teaching the basics, like reading, writing, and arithmetic. So far I've lost at least 20 pounds. Now that the swellings down I'm currently not feeling much restriction but I'm following the post-op diet closely cause I don't want to gain the weight back before my first fill. I happen to really like meat and Atkins shakes so I'm keeping my Protein high and my carbs low. I get my milk by making iced decaff lattes with Splenda during the day. They really see me through between meals and help me get my 64 oz of Fluid. I also started a blog as soon as I found out I'd been approved for surgery and the date had been set. It's really been helping me cope with the food addiction aspects. If you'd like to read it you can find it at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF One idea from my blog I'd like to share was commented on by one of your leaders. I've copied it here. In an earlier blog I said that we ought to hold marathons and walkathons and start wearing purple ribbons to build awareness of this life-threatening disease and to offer support for those who suffer from it as well as dollars for research to help prevent and control it. It worked for breast cancer. I would bet more people die from this disease. In fact, obesity is a risk factor for breast cancer (and heart disease, strokes, colon cancer, diabetes and more). Breast cancer used to be an unmentionable disease. Now we all proudly wear pink ribbons. Let's get obesity and all food addicitons out of the closet and into the light of day so that no one ever has to feel guilty about seeking a medical solution for this medical condition anymore than they would getting treatment for breast cancer. Why purple? Because those of us with this disease are all wounded hearts, because that color hasn't been used yet, and because we, too, are God's children. That makes us royalty.

OK. So I had the surgery. I have an important tool, but I still have to deal with the food addiction. I'm amazed at how easy it is to add liquid during the meal and get to eat more. I'm also amazed at how easy it is if you take tiny bites and chew things to death how easy it is to keep on eating beyond the 30 minute limit. I'm doing well but I'm just saying. All the old triggers still exist.:tongue2: I started a blog when I found out I was ok'd for surgery and I discuss a lot of the addiction issues that trigger me. It's part of my effort to deal. You may also find it helpful. Cheri Banded: 6/1l8/09:thumbup: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Guilt--why do so many of us feel such guilt? I've been browsing several of the threads and post--particularly the Christian and 12-step threads and see so many people haunted by guilt and telling about those who guilt them from their churches and OA and FAA groups. Guilt for having the addiction, guilt for not being able to follow all the rigid rules and food plans imposed by the food nazis who dominate many of these groups, guilt over having the surgery. God grants grace not guilt. I'm copying one of my posts from my blog where I talk about guilt to this post. You can check out more of my blog at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Saturday, June 27, 2009 Guilt, Shame, and Other Ineffective Motivators Let me get this right out in front. Food addiction is not sin. Glorying in it is. Flaunting it is. Refusing to do anything about it is. Using willpower doesn't work for long except in very anal people, which I am not. For most of us, this is the thorn in the flesh that God refuses to remove, despite ernest prayer and pleas. Different methods work for different people, but having people guilt you, shame you, humiliate you, preach at you, quote Bible verses to you, tell you you just need willpower, or to pray harder, doesn't work. In fact, most of these things backfire, cause even more guilt and shame than we already carry, and drive us deeper into the food. Scientists are working on drugs that work on those addiction centers of the brain that control the cravings for over-eating as well as other addictions. This is a brain-based disease and most of us can trace the cravings back to early childhood whether our bodies reflected the disorder or not. Most of us have fought long and hard to contain the cravings. Yet the disease grows along with our hopelessness. We lose weight only to regain it with interest. In addition to the cravings for the substance itself, food is a proven numbing medication for issues like sexual and physical abuse, service to others at the expense of taking care of ourselves, stuffing our feelings and not speaking up for ourselves, depression, and in my case I would add, ADHD. For me, food helps me concentrate and sit still. The restlessness that overwhelms me, the stillness and concentration that society and social convention require from me are brought under control with food--especially chocolate. This is the only addiction that requires you to indulge it 3x a day. We can't live with food and we can't live without it. Don't judge us. Don't give us advice. Pray for us. Love us. Accept us the way we are. This is a disease of silence. but our bodies speak louder than our words. Encourage us to break our silence, to talk about the pain of our condition--which is the human condition, under which all creation groans, waiting for that final redemption

Thank you Clempier. I've been reading this thread and the other Christian Bandster thread as well as the 12-step thread. I've been struck by how consumed by guilt we all are. I'm copying here my most recent post on my blog: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Saturday, July 4, 2009 God Grants Grace, not Guilt I spent a lot of time yesterday and today exploring a lapband website. There's a religious forum with a page for Christians and there's a 12-step forum with a few threads for those attending OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and FAA(Food Addicts Anonymous.) After reading many of the posts I came to a not-so-surprising conclusion. Guilt and shame are a way of life for people suffering from food addiction. People seem to be heaping guilt either on themselves or on others. Christians accuse themselves of gluttony and beat themselves up over that. Other Christians really do say horrible things to them like, "Why are you getting that surgery, why don't you just pray?" Many Christian weight loss groups can have so many rules to follow that most people are bound to fail heaping guilt upon guilt. OA and FAA attenders get accused of taking the "easier, softer way" if they get lap band surgery for which they beat themselves up. They also suffer attacks from the food nazis who have taken over OA and FAA and and who are addicted to adding food restriction upon food restriction and enforcing rule upon rule. Guilt and shame have a horrible history of sabotaging recovery and driving people deeper into the food (or any other addictions). Whether you believe addictions are sin or not (I believe they are brain-based disorders, not sin, that came into this world as a result of sin and that under their influence people do commit sin), beating yourself up over them is a sure-fire path to relapse. Serenity is extremely important in recovery and those consumed by guilt and self-blame have no serenity. We need to break the bondage of guilt. Especially unearned guilt and shame. God gave us the gift of grace, not of guilt. I like to say I gave up guilt for Lent. As far as the rigid rule makers and enforcers--most of these people have simply replaced one type of food obsession with another and their rigid adherance to a code is all they've got. They transfer their internal shame and need for control onto others. It's just another insidious form of this disease. They don't know grace, and hence can't grant it. Someday, Grace will come again and banish all guilt. He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. Come quickly Lord Jesus.

I've just started exploring this web site--I was banded June 18--and I've actually talked about this issue on the 12 step thread and on Christian bandsters. The OA's around me seem to have been taken over by the food nazis and rigid rule makers and enforcers. I don't feel safe at those meetings and stopped attending. Years ago the meetings weren't like that. We discussed the steps and how to use them to address our food issues. Now it seems that everybody's defining abstinance in very rigid ways and they've piled restrictions on top of restrictions. We carry enough guilt without adding reasons for carrying more. I'm going to copy my latest entry from my blog which I wrote on this subject at: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Saturday, July 4, 2009 God Grants Grace, not Guilt I spent a lot of time yesterday and today exploring a lapband website. There's a religious forum with a page for Christians and there's a 12-step forum with a few threads for those attending OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and FAA(Food Addicts Anonymous.) After reading many of the posts I came to a not-so-surprising conclusion. Guilt and shame are a way of life for people suffering from food addiction. People seem to be heaping guilt either on themselves or on others. Christians accuse themselves of gluttony and beat themselves up over that. Other Christians really do say horrible things to them like, "Why are you getting that surgery, why don't you just pray?" Many Christian weight loss groups can have so many rules to follow that most people are bound to fail heaping guilt upon guilt. OA and FAA attenders get accused of taking the "easier, softer way" if they get lap band surgery for which they beat themselves up. They also suffer attacks from the food nazis who have taken over OA and FAA and and who are addicted to adding food restriction upon food restriction and enforcing rule upon rule. Guilt and shame have a horrible history of sabotaging recovery and driving people deeper into the food (or any other addictions). Whether you believe addictions are sin or not (I believe they are brain-based disorders, not sin, that came into this world as a result of sin and that under their influence people do commit sin), beating yourself up over them is a sure-fire path to relapse. Serenity is extremely important in recovery and those consumed by guilt and self-blame have no serenity. We need to break the bondage of guilt. Especially unearned guilt and shame. God gave us the gift of grace, not of guilt. I like to say I gave up guilt for Lent. As far as the rigid rule makers and enforcers--most of these people have simply replaced one type of food obsession with another and their rigid adherance to a code is all they've got. They transfer their internal shame and need for control onto others. It's just another insidious form of this disease. They don't know grace, and hence can't grant it. Someday, Grace will come again and banish all guilt. He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. Come quickly Lord Jesus.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009 Validation and Pizza The support of those I love and of various friends has been amazing. I feel supported and confident most of the time. I've been prayed with and prayed for and the degree of understanding and compassion has been very validating. I've lost 10 lbs on this low-carb liquid diet which should be good for the surgery. Hopefully, my liver has shrunk. I haven't been very hungry which is amazing. Writing in this blog has been a tremendous release for me and is one of the reasons I think I'm not even thinking about food--most of the time. Tonight I was visiting with my granddaughter when my son said he'd ordered himself some pizza. I had to leave. Pizza is one of those foods I only eat at parties; I never have it at home. I absolutely can't stop eating it. I had to leave. I don't know if I'll ever have pizza again, and the temptation was overwhelming to have it one last time. A few weeks ago, we had a healing service at church. The point was made that we need to thank God for the healing we will receive through medical services as well as through more direct intervention. We were encouraged to seek prayer for healing in whatever form God chose to grant it. I'm not afraid to have surgeries and take medicine for various conditions. I've prayed for healing--particularly for healing from food addiction, because so many of the other conditions are the result of my addiction. I've always felt that asking for relief from my other ailments would not be honored by God until the food addiction was dealt with. So I went up and asked for prayer for healing in whatever ways God chose to grant it. After that is when the "If your eye offends you, pluck it out" verse came to me and I transposed it, humorously, and then seriously, to"If your stomach offends you, tie it off." The amazing thing is, since the nurse called me with a date for the surgery, and I went ahead and scheduled it, I've been experiencing a lot less pain. The excercises I've been doing to stretch and strengthen my neck, lower back, and hips stopped killing me. The pain in my neck when I swing my arms while I walk, as well as the pain in my hips has subsided considerably. I tried out a different position while sleeping that seems to be helping both my neck and hips get stretched and positioned while I sleep. I'm sleeping better and able to stay asleep longer. I had to go off my anti-inflammatory (non-steroidal drug) prior to surgery in order to prevent excessive bleeding and I thought I was going to be in a lot of pain for the week prior to surgery. I'm stiff, but acetaminaphin alone has been sufficient to handle the pain. I can only imagine what kind of improvement I'll show once the weight is off. Pizza-costly. Validation from my friends, family, and Heavenly Father. Priceless.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009 Validation and Pizza The support of those I love and of various friends has been amazing. I feel supported and confident most of the time. I've been prayed with and prayed for and the degree of understanding and compassion has been very validating. I've lost 10 lbs on this low-carb liquid diet which should be good for the surgery. Hopefully, my liver has shrunk. I haven't been very hungry which is amazing. Writing in this blog has been a tremendous release for me and is one of the reasons I think I'm not even thinking about food--most of the time. Tonight I was visiting with my granddaughter when my son said he'd ordered himself some pizza. I had to leave. Pizza is one of those foods I only eat at parties; I never have it at home. I absolutely can't stop eating it. I had to leave. I don't know if I'll ever have pizza again, and the temptation was overwhelming to have it one last time. A few weeks ago, we had a healing service at church. The point was made that we need to thank God for the healing we will receive through medical services as well as through more direct intervention. We were encouraged to seek prayer for healing in whatever form God chose to grant it. I'm not afraid to have surgeries and take medicine for various conditions. I've prayed for healing--particularly for healing from food addiction, because so many of the other conditions are the result of my addiction. I've always felt that asking for relief from my other ailments would not be honored by God until the food addiction was dealt with. So I went up and asked for prayer for healing in whatever ways God chose to grant it. After that is when the "If your eye offends you, pluck it out" verse came to me and I transposed it, humorously, and then seriously, to"If your stomach offends you, tie it off." The amazing thing is, since the nurse called me with a date for the surgery, and I went ahead and scheduled it, I've been experiencing a lot less pain. The excercises I've been doing to stretch and strengthen my neck, lower back, and hips stopped killing me. The pain in my neck when I swing my arms while I walk, as well as the pain in my hips has subsided considerably. I tried out a different position while sleeping that seems to be helping both my neck and hips get stretched and positioned while I sleep. I'm sleeping better and able to stay asleep longer. I had to go off my anti-inflammatory (non-steroidal drug) prior to surgery in order to prevent excessive bleeding and I thought I was going to be in a lot of pain for the week prior to surgery. I'm stiff, but acetaminaphin alone has been sufficient to handle the pain. I can only imagine what kind of improvement I'll show once the weight is off. Pizza-costly. Validation from my friends, family, and Heavenly Father. Priceless.

Monday, June 15, 2009 The Cost of Food Addiction Sometimes I kid myself and think the only person I've hurt with my addiction is myself. My life so often consists of helping everyone else. How can I be hurting them? Food is a barrier to intimacy. I don't talk while I eat. I'm totally absorbed in my food, which I devour like someone might take it away before I'm done. I just might stick them with a fork if they tried. I stand and stare at food which I want to eat but know I shouldn't. I leave conversations at parties in order to go snatch a little more food. I open and shut cabinets and refrigerator doors hoping there will be something in there that will quell the restlessness of ADHD but have no caloric impact. Fat chance. Food has robbed the people around me of my presence and also of funds that could have been spent on things like home improvement and vacations. I don't want to even begin to tally up the costs, not only of excess food, but of medicine for conditions created or exacerbated by overweight, as well as over-the-counter supplements to try to prevent me from eating or to counter-balance the ill effects of overeating. I've spent money at weight watchers and Jenny Craig. I may have helped the economy but I robbed my family. The epidemic of obesity in this country has raised the cost of insurance for everyone else astronomically. You're paying for my obesity. Insurance companies don't make it easy to get this surgery. Personally, I think they might save money in the long run if they made it more available to those who are pre-morbidly obese, who have not yet become physically handicapped, diabetic, or had debilitating heart attacks or strokes, before the counter is lined by medicines needed to counteract the effects of obesity. Nutritionists, weight-loss gurus, magazines, self-help groups, and Oprah all bombard us with information about the dangers of overeating and how we should eat, but that doesn't stop the compulsion and it hasn't even slowed down the epidemic. At the nutrition classes I was required to attend prior to surgery, I knew the answer to every question the nutritionist posed. Knowledge is not always power. Oprah, herself, is living proof. Even with her own pet nutritionists and work-out gurus, the weight came back. I believe that I'm going to cost my family and the insurance company a lot less in the future. The Lord willing I'll be able to be there for my grandchildren, I'll be able to keep teaching full time, I'll be better off financially, I'll actually look at and talk to my husband while I eat, I'll feel better, look better, move better, and not make a meal out of pills. I'll be able to be the best Cheri God created me to be, the person he made me to be from the beginning.

Monday, June 15, 2009 The Cost of Food Addiction Sometimes I kid myself and think the only person I've hurt with my addiction is myself. My life so often consists of helping everyone else. How can I be hurting them? Food is a barrier to intimacy. I don't talk while I eat. I'm totally absorbed in my food, which I devour like someone might take it away before I'm done. I just might stick them with a fork if they tried. I stand and stare at food which I want to eat but know I shouldn't. I leave conversations at parties in order to go snatch a little more food. I open and shut cabinets and refrigerator doors hoping there will be something in there that will quell the restlessness of ADHD but have no caloric impact. Fat chance. Food has robbed the people around me of my presence and also of funds that could have been spent on things like home improvement and vacations. I don't want to even begin to tally up the costs, not only of excess food, but of medicine for conditions created or exacerbated by overweight, as well as over-the-counter supplements to try to prevent me from eating or to counter-balance the ill effects of overeating. I've spent money at weight watchers and Jenny Craig. I may have helped the economy but I robbed my family. The epidemic of obesity in this country has raised the cost of insurance for everyone else astronomically. You're paying for my obesity. Insurance companies don't make it easy to get this surgery. Personally, I think they might save money in the long run if they made it more available to those who are pre-morbidly obese, who have not yet become physically handicapped, diabetic, or had debilitating heart attacks or strokes, before the counter is lined by medicines needed to counteract the effects of obesity. Nutritionists, weight-loss gurus, magazines, self-help groups, and Oprah all bombard us with information about the dangers of overeating and how we should eat, but that doesn't stop the compulsion and it hasn't even slowed down the epidemic. At the nutrition classes I was required to attend prior to surgery, I knew the answer to every question the nutritionist posed. Knowledge is not always power. Oprah, herself, is living proof. Even with her own pet nutritionists and work-out gurus, the weight came back. I believe that I'm going to cost my family and the insurance company a lot less in the future. The Lord willing I'll be able to be there for my grandchildren, I'll be able to keep teaching full time, I'll be better off financially, I'll actually look at and talk to my husband while I eat, I'll feel better, look better, move better, and not make a meal out of pills. I'll be able to be the best Cheri God created me to be, the person he made me to be from the beginning.

Sunday, June 14, 2009 Surgery as surrender Having once been married to an alcoholic and having attended Alanon for many, many years, I've learned a lot about addiction. I know that we are addicts because we are addicts. Environmental issues can impact the predisposition of our genes, but once our addictions are triggered, we are addicts because we are addicts. I also know that in order to recover you have to be willing to do whatever it takes. You surrender your will to God and become willing to do whatever it takes, to go to whatever lengths it takes. For an alcoholic or drug addict that may mean going through rehab, going on meds to treat depression that could drive them back into addiction, working the 12 steps constantly, going to 90 meetings in 90 days, calling a sponsor and being sponsored, and never ever touching another drop of alcohol because once they start they can't stop. In a very real sense this surgery represents my surrender. I will always have to eat to live. Everytime I pick up food it can trigger my addiction. Having attended many Overeater's Anonymous meetings, I can testify that very few people are able to permanantly keep their weight off. Only those who are capable of being really anal seem to succeed. Weighing, measuring, checking every ingredient, counting carbs, calories, points, filling out food plans. These may all be good things but I'm not capable of them--at least not for long. Just the thought of doing these things gives me a panic attack. I hire people to do my paperwork and attend to details because I'm so bad at it. I've accepted my ADHD as a gift and I no longer try to be good at what I'm not good at. I do what I'm good at, which is being a highly flexible, very creative, gifted teacher. I generate ideas like confetti. My lesson plans are barely a guideline. By having this surgery, my stomach will become the weigher and the measurer. I can follow the simple food guidelines which will take me from clear liquids to 1000-1200 calories a day of healthy food without having to make food plans the rest of my life. Unhealthy food and too much food will make me very uncomfortable. I'll experience satiety--a completely unfamiliar feeling. And I'll be reprogramming the addiction center in my brain. It won't be easy. I'll still be triggered by the sight, smell, and taste of food. The surgery will be a jumpstart on food sobriety, like going into rehab. I'll still have to surrender my food to God every day. But with my body cooperating instead of fighting it, I stand a much better chance of success. This is the length to which I am willing to go to acheive food sobriety and better health. This is my surrender to God. If your stomach offends you, if it causes you to stumble, if its an obsession that takes you away from being able to love God above all and your neighbor as yourself--tie it off.

I'm doing quite well so far. I'm going to post some more of my journey from my other blog onto this blog. Or you can check me out at: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

This is a post from my blog: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Saturday, June 27, 2009 Guilt, Shame, and Other Ineffective Motivators Let me get this right out in front. Food addiction is not sin. Glorying in it is. Flaunting it is. Refusing to do anything about it is. Using willpower doesn't work for long except in very anal people, which I am not. For most of us, this is the thorn in the flesh that God refuses to remove, despite ernest prayer and pleas. Different methods work for different people, but having people guilt you, shame you, humiliate you, preach at you, quote Bible verses to you, tell you you just need willpower, or to pray harder, doesn't work. In fact, most of these things backfire, cause even more guilt and shame than we already carry, and drive us deeper into the food. Scientists are working on drugs that work on those addiction centers of the brain that control the cravings for over-eating as well as other addictions. This is a brain-based disease and most of us can trace the cravings back to early childhood whether our bodies reflected the disorder or not. Most of us have fought long and hard to contain the cravings. Yet the disease grows along with our hopelessness. We lose weight only to regain it with interest. In addition to the cravings for the substance itself, food is a proven numbing medication for issues like sexual and physical abuse, service to others at the expense of taking care of ourselves, stuffing our feelings and not speaking up for ourselves, depression, and in my case I would add, ADHD. For me, food helps me concentrate and sit still. The restlessness that overwhelms me, the stillness and concentration that society and social convention require from me are brought under control with food--especially chocolate. This is the only addiction that requires you to indulge it 3x a day. We can't live with food and we can't live without it. Don't judge us. Don't give us advice. Pray for us. Love us. Accept us the way we are. This is a disease of silence. but our bodies speak louder than our words. Encourage us to break our silence, to talk about the pain of our condition--which is the human condition, under which all creation groans, waiting for that final redemption I've started copying posts from my blog to the blog provided on this site but I've only done a few. I believe God grants us grace, not guilt. I like to say I've given up guilt for Lent. Guilt is totally unproductive and keeps us mired in the food. God gave us a wonderful gift of jumpstarting our healing from food addiction with the lapband. Celebrate.:eek:

THis is from my blog. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Saturday, June 27, 2009 Guilt, Shame, and Other Ineffective Motivators Let me get this right out in front. food addiction is not sin. Glorying in it is. Flaunting it is. Refusing to do anything about it is. Using willpower doesn't work for long except in very anal people, which I am not. For most of us, this is the thorn in the flesh that God refuses to remove, despite ernest prayer and pleas. Different methods work for different people, but having people guilt you, shame you, humiliate you, preach at you, quote Bible verses to you, tell you you just need willpower, or to pray harder, doesn't work. In fact, most of these things backfire, cause even more guilt and shame than we already carry, and drive us deeper into the food. Scientists are working on drugs that work on those addiction centers of the brain that control the cravings for over-eating as well as other addictions. This is a brain-based disease and most of us can trace the cravings back to early childhood whether our bodies reflected the disorder or not. Most of us have fought long and hard to contain the cravings. Yet the disease grows along with our hopelessness. We lose weight only to regain it with interest. In addition to the cravings for the substance itself, food is a proven numbing medication for issues like sexual and physical abuse, service to others at the expense of taking care of ourselves, stuffing our feelings and not speaking up for ourselves, depression, and in my case I would add, ADHD. For me, food helps me concentrate and sit still. The restlessness that overwhelms me, the stillness and concentration that society and social convention require from me are brought under control with food--especially chocolate. This is the only addiction that requires you to indulge it 3x a day. We can't live with food and we can't live without it. Don't judge us. Don't give us advice. Pray for us. Love us. Accept us the way we are. This is a disease of silence. but our bodies speak louder than our words. Encourage us to break our silence, to talk about the pain of our condition--which is the human condition, under which all creation groans, waiting for that final redemption. I have some similar posts that may help you to break the bondage of guilt. Especially unearned guilt and shame. God gave us the gift of grace, not of guilt. I like to say I gave up guilt for Lent.

I started a blog to deal with just such issues the day I found out I was approved for surgery and needed to immediately start the pre-surgical diet. I've transferred some of that blog to the blog they give you here. I decided to tell everyone about my surgery through my blog and sent it to my church's prayer chain, to all my choir members, to all my family members, and I regularly post it on Facebook. I'm tired of hiding and secrecy and believe they're part of the disease, even though, in my case, my stomach was sticking out for all the world to see. I can see from the posts here that we all deal with the same doubts and fears. We allow Christianity (or ours and others distorted version of it) to get in the way of the miraculous healing God has for us through lap band surgery. I'll continue transferring posts from one blog to the other, but you may want to check it out directly at: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Friday, June 12, 2009 There but for the grace of God :crying: Today I spent 9 hours having tests and seeing Doctors--well, at least I was in their waiting rooms. I saw the surgeon, the dietician, and the anethesioligist's nurse practitioner with a brief talk with the anesthesiologist. Taking medical histories has become quite time-consuming. Hippa may be partly responsible for that. You have to give the same information over and over again. The low-carb liquid diet I'm on has already made me lose 5 lbs. It's supposed to shrink your liver prior to surgery so that the Dr. can do the surgery with only 1 incision. This incision will then become the port to adjusting the band as the stomach shrinks. The way in which I eat will change drastically. It seems counter-intuitive to all the diet advice out there. Although I'll need to drink plenty of liquids, I'll have to refrain from drinking for 30 minutes prior to eating a meal, take 30 minutes to eat my meal with no liquids, and wait 30 minute to drink again. Liquids make the food drain out of the stomach faster and make you hungry quicker. You also have to avoid high fiber and breads because they expand with liquid and could expand your stomach. Pop bubbles can do the same. You want to keep the new stomach pouch created by the band small so the feeling of fullnes will occur quickly and last. I saw a mother with a 4 yr. old in the Dr.'s waiting room. She appeared to have lost a lot of weight and now had skin sacks that still had fat in them hanging down to her knees and underarm skin hanging half-way down her arms. She'll need surgery to remove all that. This addiction does tremendous damage and I feel so grateful that mine has not brought me to that point and at such a young age. There but for the grace of God go I. As it is I am on 3 blood pressure meds, and 4 cholesterol meds. But there are people much worse than I. If it weren't for my co-morbidities I'm not even heavy enough to qualify for the surgery. If it weren't for the line-up of meds on my counter, the borderline diabetes, and my rapidly deteriorating joints and constant pain exacerbated by the extra weight, I would not be doing this surgery. I would still be trying all the ineffective methods that only ever worked for a while and despairing of ever getting this compulsion under control and out of my head.

Friday, June 12, 2009 There but for the grace of God Today I spent 9 hours having tests and seeing Doctors--well, at least I was in their waiting rooms. I saw the surgeon, the dietician, and the anethesioligist's nurse practitioner with a brief talk with the anesthesiologist. Taking medical histories has become quite time-consuming. Hippa may be partly responsible for that. You have to give the same information over and over again. The low-carb liquid diet I'm on has already made me lose 5 lbs. It's supposed to shrink your liver prior to surgery so that the Dr. can do the surgery with only 1 incision. This incision will then become the port to adjusting the band as the stomach shrinks. The way in which I eat will change drastically. It seems counter-intuitive to all the diet advice out there. Although I'll need to drink plenty of liquids, I'll have to refrain from drinking for 30 minutes prior to eating a meal, take 30 minutes to eat my meal with no liquids, and wait 30 minute to drink again. Liquids make the food drain out of the stomach faster and make you hungry quicker. You also have to avoid high fiber and breads because they expand with liquid and could expand your stomach. Pop bubbles can do the same. You want to keep the new stomach pouch created by the band small so the feeling of fullnes will occur quickly and last. I saw a mother with a 4 yr. old in the Dr.'s waiting room. She appeared to have lost a lot of weight and now had skin sacks that still had fat in them hanging down to her knees and underarm skin hanging half-way down her arms. She'll need surgery to remove all that. This addiction does tremendous damage and I feel so grateful that mine has not brought me to that point and at such a young age. There but for the grace of God go I. As it is I am on 3 blood pressure meds, and 4 cholesterol meds. But there are people much worse than I. If it weren't for my co-morbidities I'm not even heavy enough to qualify for the surgery. If it weren't for the line-up of meds on my counter, the borderline diabetes, and my rapidly deteriorating joints and constant pain exacerbated by the extra weight, I would not be doing this surgery. I would still be trying all the ineffective methods that only ever worked for a while and despairing of ever getting this compulsion under control and out of my head.

Thursday, June 11, 2009 Goodbye to food---at parties:crying: I have at least 5 parties to attend over the next 3 weekends and I'm going to have to attend them without having food as a crutch. I'm going to have to bring food and not eat it. I have to talk to people without relying on food to allay my social anxiety and fear of putting my foot in my mouth in one of my impulsive, ADHD moments. I won't be able to gorge myself on foods I would never have in my home or buy for myself. That's the thing about parties. I love to go to parties because of the food, and I hate to go to parties because of the food. At my church we're into celebrating everything, and everything involves food--delicious food and lots of it. At school people bring special treats for everything. At weekly faculty devotions, the leader is supposed to bring a treat. If my husband and I want to do something special, we go to a cheap restaurant in order to stay within our budget. Family get togethers are dominated by food. I really don't know how to talk to people without food smoothing the way. Alcohol has never appealed much to me--its always been food. The food is killing me. More insidiously than alcohol or nicotine, it is still killing me. But unlike alcohol and nicotin and other addictive substances, I need it to live. How can something that God created so good, become so evil for me? Imagine a world that sin had never entered. Where genetic alterations that make some people prone to addiction had never happened. Where celebration never turns into debauchery--of any kind, either by choice or by uncontrollable compulsions and cravings. That's what paradise would look like, and what it will look like when Christ comes again to establish his new heaven and new earth. Party!

Thursday, June 11, 2009 Goodbye to food---at parties I have at least 5 parties to attend over the next 3 weekends and I'm going to have to attend them without having food as a crutch. I'm going to have to bring food and not eat it. I have to talk to people without relying on food to allay my social anxiety and fear of putting my foot in my mouth in one of my impulsive, ADHD moments. I won't be able to gorge myself on foods I would never have in my home or buy for myself. That's the thing about parties. I love to go to parties because of the food, and I hate to go to parties because of the food. At my church we're into celebrating everything, and everything involves food--delicious food and lots of it. At school people bring special treats for everything. At weekly faculty devotions, the leader is supposed to bring a treat. If my husband and I want to do something special, we go to a cheap restaurant in order to stay within our budget. Family get togethers are dominated by food. I really don't know how to talk to people without food smoothing the way. Alcohol has never appealed much to me--its always been food. The food is killing me. More insidiously than alcohol or nicotine, it is still killing me. But unlike alcohol and nicotin and other addictive substances, I need it to live. How can something that God created so good, become so evil for me? Imagine a world that sin had never entered. Where genetic alterations that make some people prone to addiction had never happened. Where celebration never turns into debauchery--of any kind, either by choice or by uncontrollable compulsions and cravings. That's what paradise would look like, and what it will look like when Christ comes again to establish his new heaven and new earth. Party!

:crying:Wednesday, June 10, 2009 Goodbye, food Last night I said goodbye to food--forever. Well, not quite. But I did have to start on a low-carb, liquid diet in preparation for lap band surgery, which, the Lord willing, will happen next Thursday. Its been a long journey. I began the official process a year ago, when I'd had enough with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, borderline diabetes and constant pain from osteo-arthritis. I jumped through a lot of insurance hoops and tests to get to this point. I prayed for healing from my food cravings and I still do. Everyday is a battle with the desire to eat and eat and eat. Over time, the food has won. And I battle with what I think other people will think. How they, especially Christians, will judge me. I've only told a few people about the surgery. Now I'm letting the world know. I believe its important for my recovery that I not hide this in a corner. Whether anyone reads this or not isn't important. My food cravings won't go away just because I can't eat much. Journaling has always helped me cope during tough times. I'm hoping it will help now, and that maybe it will help others. A verse came to me in church last Sunday that confirmed my decision. Jesus said it in Matthew 5:29. "If your eye offends you, pluck it out." Its better to go without the eye or the hand that causes you to sin, than to keep it and endure hell (my interpretation). Hence the name of my blog: If Your Stomach Offends You, Tie It Off. It's better to go through life without much of a stomach than to live in the despair and physical destruction caused by food addiction.

:crying:Wednesday, June 10, 2009 Goodbye, food Last night I said goodbye to food--forever. Well, not quite. But I did have to start on a low-carb, liquid diet in preparation for lap band surgery, which, the Lord willing, will happen next Thursday. Its been a long journey. I began the official process a year ago, when I'd had enough with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, borderline diabetes and constant pain from osteo-arthritis. I jumped through a lot of insurance hoops and tests to get to this point. I prayed for healing from my food cravings and I still do. Everyday is a battle with the desire to eat and eat and eat. Over time, the food has won. And I battle with what I think other people will think. How they, especially Christians, will judge me. I've only told a few people about the surgery. Now I'm letting the world know. I believe its important for my recovery that I not hide this in a corner. Whether anyone reads this or not isn't important. My food cravings won't go away just because I can't eat much. Journaling has always helped me cope during tough times. I'm hoping it will help now, and that maybe it will help others. A verse came to me in church last Sunday that confirmed my decision. Jesus said it in Matthew 5:29. "If your eye offends you, pluck it out." Its better to go without the eye or the hand that causes you to sin, than to keep it and endure hell (my interpretation). Hence the name of my blog: If Your Stomach Offends You, Tie It Off. It's better to go through life without much of a stomach than to live in the despair and physical destruction caused by food addiction.

I have 4 weeks till my first fill. You are absolutely right about the serenity. I find being around people or meetings that fill me with either shame or anger takes away my serenity and drives me into the food. If Bill Wilson were to attend today's OA meetings he'd either laugh his head off, or metaphorically overturn the tables of the moneychangers. At my Alanon meetings we talked about the steps and the principles of the program and how we were working them. As we recovered we talked less and less about the alcoholic, or we talked about the alcoholic only in terms of how we were working the steps in dealing with him/her. That's how OA needs to be. Maybe we should start our own on-line meeting, GAL-WLS (Get A Life-Weight Loss Surgery). We welcome recovering food nazis. Actually, I probably shouldn't make fun. These people have simply replaced one type of food obsession with another and their rigid adherance to a code is all they've got. They transfer their internal shame and need for control onto others. It's just another insidious form of this disease.