ifyourstomachoffendsyou

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 Look for the Smilemarkers A sliver of moon was showing in the sky the other day while I was playing outside with my grandson, David (4yrs). As usual he wanted to know why. I told him the moon wanted to play with him. Later he was drinking chocolate milk on the front porch and said, "The moon is drinking chocolate milk. He has a chocolate milk mustache." I love it when a four year old can use his imagination and make a joke. I love it when a four year old accidentally amuses me. David was riding in the van with his dad when he announced, "I want my crocs (sandals)." His dad stopped the car and asked him what he was wearing on his feet. David replied in all seriousness, "Dad, I'm wearing my toes." Children and laughter go hand in hand. I love being a grandmother and not having to do much of anything when I babysit but enjoy the kids. My two year old granddaughter loves to play hide and seek in her house. She always hides in her closet and she always tells me she's going to hide in her closet. When I try to go home she frequently tells me I'm hungry and I need to eat in order to keep me there. LOL. She already knows my weakness. There's a lot of evidence that laughter is good medicine. The Reader's Digest knew that before there were studies proving it. I use a lot of silly humor when I teach. To teach the ang sound I have a picture-card of a vampire with fangs showing. I'll put on my best Transylvanian accent, make my hands into claws, and say," I vant to bite your neck; I vish to suck your blood." The kids all shriek and laugh and are more likely to remember that ang makes the sound you hear in fang. I have a game that involves tossing a soft ball back and forth between me and a group of kids while saying math facts. I love to watch for the kid who stops paying attention and I'll look at another child while throwing the ball at the daydreamer who frequently gets hit by the ball which cracks everyone up and serves notice to pay attention. Today I was on Lapbandtalk, which has become my on-line support group and one of the women told a hysterically funny dream she'd had about another member of the group. Can't repeat it here because it involved partial nudity and showing off a well-shaped body part. Jokes were still flying hours later when I checked back in. Some of the best and funniest speakers I ever heard were recovering alcoholics telling their stories at open AA meetings. Some of the things they did and the situations they got themselves into were, in retrospect, hysterically funny. Without the humor, they'd have been too painful to tell. The funniest stories I tell on myself involve my ADHD and some of the things I've done as a result. Humor makes pain palatable. I'm not talking about sarcasm or angry ranting expletive deleted humor. Frankly, I don't consider that humor because it tends to be at other's expense. I'm talking about self-deprecating humor. Humor that gently pokes fun at the human condition but doesn't denigrate others. One of the funniest stories my deceased mother-in-law told involved driving off to work with her teeth on top of the car. One of the funniest stories my son tells is what happened when he tied our 6 month old 75 lb. Chesapeake Bay Retriever to a lightweight charcoal grill in my parent's driveway. Thank God for the passing motorist who chased down the dog and stopped him before the grill chasing the dog down the street caused the dog to drop dead of a heart attack. These stories and jokes we tell each other can only happen in community. We weren't created to live in isolation. And I firmly believe that God laughs with us. We're created in his image and he loves us with all our foibles so he must have quite a sense of humor. Humor is his gift to us, a gracelet that allows us to be refreshed, renewed, re-created and ready for the next thing life throws at us. So, even though food addiction is a serious disease, I try not to take myself too seriously. Life is a journey. Look for the smilemarkers along the way.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 Look for the Smilemarkers A sliver of moon was showing in the sky the other day while I was playing outside with my grandson, David (4yrs). As usual he wanted to know why. I told him the moon wanted to play with him. Later he was drinking chocolate milk on the front porch and said, "The moon is drinking chocolate milk. He has a chocolate milk mustache." I love it when a four year old can use his imagination and make a joke. I love it when a four year old accidentally amuses me. David was riding in the van with his dad when he announced, "I want my crocs (sandals)." His dad stopped the car and asked him what he was wearing on his feet. David replied in all seriousness, "Dad, I'm wearing my toes." Children and laughter go hand in hand. I love being a grandmother and not having to do much of anything when I babysit but enjoy the kids. My two year old granddaughter loves to play hide and seek in her house. She always hides in her closet and she always tells me she's going to hide in her closet. When I try to go home she frequently tells me I'm hungry and I need to eat in order to keep me there. LOL. She already knows my weakness. There's a lot of evidence that laughter is good medicine. The Reader's Digest knew that before there were studies proving it. I use a lot of silly humor when I teach. To teach the ang sound I have a picture-card of a vampire with fangs showing. I'll put on my best Transylvanian accent, make my hands into claws, and say," I vant to bite your neck; I vish to suck your blood." The kids all shriek and laugh and are more likely to remember that ang makes the sound you hear in fang. I have a game that involves tossing a soft ball back and forth between me and a group of kids while saying math facts. I love to watch for the kid who stops paying attention and I'll look at another child while throwing the ball at the daydreamer who frequently gets hit by the ball which cracks everyone up and serves notice to pay attention. Today I was on Lapbandtalk, which has become my on-line support group and one of the women told a hysterically funny dream she'd had about another member of the group. Can't repeat it here because it involved partial nudity and showing off a well-shaped body part. Jokes were still flying hours later when I checked back in. Some of the best and funniest speakers I ever heard were recovering alcoholics telling their stories at open AA meetings. Some of the things they did and the situations they got themselves into were, in retrospect, hysterically funny. Without the humor, they'd have been too painful to tell. The funniest stories I tell on myself involve my ADHD and some of the things I've done as a result. Humor makes pain palatable. I'm not talking about sarcasm or angry ranting expletive deleted humor. Frankly, I don't consider that humor because it tends to be at other's expense. I'm talking about self-deprecating humor. Humor that gently pokes fun at the human condition but doesn't denigrate others. One of the funniest stories my deceased mother-in-law told involved driving off to work with her teeth on top of the car. One of the funniest stories my son tells is what happened when he tied our 6 month old 75 lb. Chesapeake Bay Retriever to a lightweight charcoal grill in my parent's driveway. Thank God for the passing motorist who chased down the dog and stopped him before the grill chasing the dog down the street caused the dog to drop dead of a heart attack. These stories and jokes we tell each other can only happen in community. We weren't created to live in isolation. And I firmly believe that God laughs with us. We're created in his image and he loves us with all our foibles so he must have quite a sense of humor. Humor is his gift to us, a gracelet that allows us to be refreshed, renewed, re-created and ready for the next thing life throws at us. So, even though food addiction is a serious disease, I try not to take myself too seriously. Life is a journey. Look for the smilemarkers along the way.

Lot of fun posts today. You guys inspire me. I'd love to do something to meet you guys. I'd have to start saving my $ right away. Last night I wrote in my blog about "banding our heads." Tonight I may write about the importance of laughter in dealing with addiction. Check out my blog at: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Apples, thanks for the inspiration.

We are not alone. I'm so glad. We're all struggling. We're all human. Last night I wrote in my blog about, "If only we could band our heads." I couldn't do diets either. Counting calories, carbs, points, whatever. Drove me nuts--nuttier. If these things worked for us we wouldn't have gotten the band. Right now we're back on willpower, but its our combined willpower and relying on our Higher Power that will get us through this time. Check out my blog at: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

I'm on overwhelm from all the plastic surgery info. Hoping to not need it, couldn't afford it either. I'm glad there are ways for those who need it. That yahoo thing killed me. Phyll work the knee strengthening, stomach strengthening exercises before surgery. It made me bounce back so fast that even with double knee replacements I was out in 2 days and got rid of my walker after 1 more. Lucky 7's you're so blessed. Have 2c if my June Journeys develop that kind of closeness.

OK. LOL. LOL.LOL. THanks, I needed that. Love everyone's posts. Great pics Janet. If i weren't too lazy I'd try posting pics of my grandkids. I've got 7. IT tech. still intimidates me. I'm also 57 but I'm 5'9" and will never be described as tiny.' Have to go in to school for a while today to meet withnew principal. One of these days I'll post a video of one of my students and what he accomplished. In 4 weeks I'll be back to work. By then I'll probably be looking forward to it. I have a very demanding job teaching at-risk students at a Chrsitian school on the south side of Chicago. I teach supplementary reading and math to about 75 students a day who rotate in and out of my classroom in groups of 6-12. Many have ADHD and all struggle academically. They can drive me to eat. I'm trying to plan how I'll handle the food. Have a great day everyone.

Monday, July 20, 2009 Banding Our Heads Bandsters have a saying, "If only they could band our heads." They refer to cravings as "head hunger." Over and over they talk about how the lap band is only a tool. Instead of diets, the lap band helps us initiate a lifestyle change. Some still measure, keep food diaries and plans, count calories or carbs or proteins or points, at least during the times they're struggling. But the goal is lifestyle change. Making healthy choices. Not being ruled by food. Someday, maybe soon, they'll come up with a pill that helps with the head hunger. They're working on it. Until then, we use whatever tools work for us. The lap band is a big one. An amazing number of people are having various forms of weight loss surgery. Like me, they're desperate. Everything else has failed for them. I look at the ads Google puts on my blog page. Some of those things are legitimate. Many are quick fixes that don't work long term. Just the titles make me laugh. Hope springs eternal, so people continue to try the latest diet fad. What's ironic is that our obsession with weight and dieting is killing us. It's making us fat. It screws up our metabolisms. We end up with metabolic sydrome--insulin resistance--which leads to high blood pressure, high cholesterol and triglycerides, and diabetes. It would be a whole lot better for us if we all remained a little overweight than if we start the cycle of dieting and gaining the weight back. We weren't meant to stay teenager thin. How ironic that with women we have a cultural obsession to be thinner than women have ever been, yet obesity is reaching epidemic proportions. Forget swine flu or SARs. This is the real epidemic. And its a killer. As a country we tend to think education can cure anything. I'm sure our already over-burdened educational system is going to be expected to start teaching eating disorders prevention, or nutritional health along with drug prevention and violence prevention and self-esteem lessons. But most of us who are compulsive eaters could get jobs as nutritionists. We have tons of nutritional education yet remain addicted to food. Education is not the cure. Most of the food industry experiments with products and additives and supersizing and taste sensations just to get us to eat more so they'll profit more. Wouldn't surprise me if the same companies are also heavily invested in weight loss products. It's like the women's magazine covers. There's always a picture of someone who lost weight and a picture of a chocolate cake. What a schizophrenic society we live in. For me, the biggest resource is God. These blogs are letters to him as well as to myself and whoever else out there is reading them. Essentially, I'm looking at every aspect of my life that contributes to the addiction problem and laying it out before him. Its a way for me to work the 12 steps of any good addiction recovery program. The band is a tool to control the outward sign of this addiction. But real recovery comes with God's help, working the steps. 1. I'm admitting that I'm powerless over food and its making my life unmanageable. 2 I believe that only a power greater than myself (God) can restore me to sanity. 3. I turn my will and my life over to the care of that higher power. 4. I'm making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. 5. I'm admitting to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. 6. I'm becoming entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. I'm humbly asking him to remove my shortcomings. 8. I've made a list of all the people I've harmed, and am becoming willing to make amends to them all. 9. I'm making dirct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. 10 I continue to take personal inventory and when I'm wrong promptly admit it. 11 I seek through prayer and meditation (and Bible reading) to improve my conscious contact with God and seek only knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I try to carry this message to other food addicts and to practice these principles in all my affairs.

Monday, July 20, 2009 Banding Our Heads Bandsters have a saying, "If only they could band our heads." They refer to cravings as "head hunger." Over and over they talk about how the lap band is only a tool. Instead of diets, the lap band helps us initiate a lifestyle change. Some still measure, keep food diaries and plans, count calories or carbs or proteins or points, at least during the times they're struggling. But the goal is lifestyle change. Making healthy choices. Not being ruled by food. Someday, maybe soon, they'll come up with a pill that helps with the head hunger. They're working on it. Until then, we use whatever tools work for us. The lap band is a big one. An amazing number of people are having various forms of weight loss surgery. Like me, they're desperate. Everything else has failed for them. I look at the ads Google puts on my blog page. Some of those things are legitimate. Many are quick fixes that don't work long term. Just the titles make me laugh. Hope springs eternal, so people continue to try the latest diet fad. What's ironic is that our obsession with weight and dieting is killing us. It's making us fat. It screws up our metabolisms. We end up with metabolic sydrome--insulin resistance--which leads to high blood pressure, high cholesterol and triglycerides, and diabetes. It would be a whole lot better for us if we all remained a little overweight than if we start the cycle of dieting and gaining the weight back. We weren't meant to stay teenager thin. How ironic that with women we have a cultural obsession to be thinner than women have ever been, yet obesity is reaching epidemic proportions. Forget swine flu or SARs. This is the real epidemic. And its a killer. As a country we tend to think education can cure anything. I'm sure our already over-burdened educational system is going to be expected to start teaching eating disorders prevention, or nutritional health along with drug prevention and violence prevention and self-esteem lessons. But most of us who are compulsive eaters could get jobs as nutritionists. We have tons of nutritional education yet remain addicted to food. Education is not the cure. Most of the food industry experiments with products and additives and supersizing and taste sensations just to get us to eat more so they'll profit more. Wouldn't surprise me if the same companies are also heavily invested in weight loss products. It's like the women's magazine covers. There's always a picture of someone who lost weight and a picture of a chocolate cake. What a schizophrenic society we live in. For me, the biggest resource is God. These blogs are letters to him as well as to myself and whoever else out there is reading them. Essentially, I'm looking at every aspect of my life that contributes to the addiction problem and laying it out before him. Its a way for me to work the 12 steps of any good addiction recovery program. The band is a tool to control the outward sign of this addiction. But real recovery comes with God's help, working the steps. 1. I'm admitting that I'm powerless over food and its making my life unmanageable. 2 I believe that only a power greater than myself (God) can restore me to sanity. 3. I turn my will and my life over to the care of that higher power. 4. I'm making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. 5. I'm admitting to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. 6. I'm becoming entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. I'm humbly asking him to remove my shortcomings. 8. I've made a list of all the people I've harmed, and am becoming willing to make amends to them all. 9. I'm making dirct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. 10 I continue to take personal inventory and when I'm wrong promptly admit it. 11 I seek through prayer and meditation (and Bible reading) to improve my conscious contact with God and seek only knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I try to carry this message to other food addicts and to practice these principles in all my affairs.

Sunday, July 19, 2009 Relatives--Help or Hindrance My husband threw out all his night-time treats. Just because he loves me. Pretty cool. I let him know I was struggling with the treats he kept in the house and frequently ate in the evenings while we watched TV and played on our computers. In fact, I was just thinking about the ice cream in the freezer and, oops!, remembered Ken threw it out. Thank God. Thank you, Ken. This disease is not fair to him. It's not fair that his choices impact me way beyond what they should. He can eat ice cream and then let it sit untouched for weeks. He had a taste for yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting and decided to make them himself, ate a couple, and let the rest sit. For him, no big deal. For me, unbearable temptation. I know they're there. Knowing makes them pop into my mind over and over. I have to reject eating them over and over and over. Taking care of myself by being honest with my husband was important for me to do. It's part of working on being less people-pleasing when its to my detriment. It is entirely to his credit that he chose to get rid of the snacks and not to eat snacks at night in front of me. He wants to be with me. It was his main reason for giving up smoking when he married me. He couldn't smoke around me and he wanted to be with me. He'll probably still keep some treats hidden and eat them when I'm not around. That's fine. Out of sight, out of mind. If I don't know its there it won't be on my mind, either. Chances are Ken'll lose some weight, too, which wouldn't be a bad thing. Night-time has always been my most difficult time. Food has always helped me wind down. Some people drink alcohol. I eat food--it puts me into a kind of carbohydrate coma. Those carbs generally come with fat attached. Perfect recipe for slowly but surely putting on the weight. So many factors in eating disorders. It's such a complex disease. Relatives can help or they can hinder. Ideally, we shouldn't need the cooperation of our relatives. We're asking them to be codependent. But we also need to take care of ourselves. There are people who would deliberately sabotage those they profess to love. There are those relatives with the same addiction who have a vested interest in keeping you the same and not letting you change. There are those who don't know addiction at all and urge you to eat--they made it special just for you, it doesn't hurt to have a little once in a while, etc. There are also those who would never humble themselves and give up their right to eat what they want when they want it and might actually insist that buy those things yourself and keep them in the house for them. With these people you need to have heavy-duty boundaries and perhaps actually keep them at a safe distance or even totally out of your life. I'm blessed that my husband is supportive. I'm blessed that he reads my blog because he wants to know me better and understand what I'm going through. He's a little angry at having to change his lifestyle to accommodate my disease and he's entitled to be. But we talk about it. We're no longer ignoring the elephant (my eating disorder not me) in the room. I may get to the point where he can go back to eating snacks in front of me and keeping my favorites in the house, but not right now. Not with the reduced restriction I'm experiencing while waiting for my first fill. Once again, weight loss surgery is a tool, not a solution. If I don't take care of myself in my relationships, it won't be as helpful.

Sunday, July 19, 2009 Relatives--Help or Hindrance My husband threw out all his night-time treats. Just because he loves me. Pretty cool. I let him know I was struggling with the treats he kept in the house and frequently ate in the evenings while we watched TV and played on our computers. In fact, I was just thinking about the ice cream in the freezer and, oops!, remembered Ken threw it out. Thank God. Thank you, Ken. This disease is not fair to him. It's not fair that his choices impact me way beyond what they should. He can eat ice cream and then let it sit untouched for weeks. He had a taste for yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting and decided to make them himself, ate a couple, and let the rest sit. For him, no big deal. For me, unbearable temptation. I know they're there. Knowing makes them pop into my mind over and over. I have to reject eating them over and over and over. Taking care of myself by being honest with my husband was important for me to do. It's part of working on being less people-pleasing when its to my detriment. It is entirely to his credit that he chose to get rid of the snacks and not to eat snacks at night in front of me. He wants to be with me. It was his main reason for giving up smoking when he married me. He couldn't smoke around me and he wanted to be with me. He'll probably still keep some treats hidden and eat them when I'm not around. That's fine. Out of sight, out of mind. If I don't know its there it won't be on my mind, either. Chances are Ken'll lose some weight, too, which wouldn't be a bad thing. Night-time has always been my most difficult time. Food has always helped me wind down. Some people drink alcohol. I eat food--it puts me into a kind of carbohydrate coma. Those carbs generally come with fat attached. Perfect recipe for slowly but surely putting on the weight. So many factors in eating disorders. It's such a complex disease. Relatives can help or they can hinder. Ideally, we shouldn't need the cooperation of our relatives. We're asking them to be codependent. But we also need to take care of ourselves. There are people who would deliberately sabotage those they profess to love. There are those relatives with the same addiction who have a vested interest in keeping you the same and not letting you change. There are those who don't know addiction at all and urge you to eat--they made it special just for you, it doesn't hurt to have a little once in a while, etc. There are also those who would never humble themselves and give up their right to eat what they want when they want it and might actually insist that buy those things yourself and keep them in the house for them. With these people you need to have heavy-duty boundaries and perhaps actually keep them at a safe distance or even totally out of your life. I'm blessed that my husband is supportive. I'm blessed that he reads my blog because he wants to know me better and understand what I'm going through. He's a little angry at having to change his lifestyle to accommodate my disease and he's entitled to be. But we talk about it. We're no longer ignoring the elephant (my eating disorder not me) in the room. I may get to the point where he can go back to eating snacks in front of me and keeping my favorites in the house, but not right now. Not with the reduced restriction I'm experiencing while waiting for my first fill. Once again, weight loss surgery is a tool, not a solution. If I don't take care of myself in my relationships, it won't be as helpful.

Hi all. Phyll, congrats again. Apples and Joanne, glad you're both back online. Meredith, I'm with you. No restriction. First fill Aug. 11th. Man I hate willpower. Just looking to not gain till fill. My DH has agreed not to keep ice cream and frosting in the fridge and to not eat snacks in front of me while we watch TV and play on our computers at night. I'm usually on LBT or writing in my blog. Have to say, this group and the 50's group are about the best groups I've encountered on LBT. I also check the June 2009 bandsters group. A lot of the info I get for my blog on lapband stuff comes from this group. My blog is where I really work on "banding my head." Maybe I'll use that phrase in tonight's blog. If you ever want to check out my blog its: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Last night I wrote about Relatives: Help or Hindrance. I'm so glad my DH is a help.

Friday, July 17, 2009 Food Addiction and Sensory Issues After I wrote yesterday's blog I started thinking about my strong preferences for spicy food and strong aversion to green peppers (not to mention raw carrots and celery.) I remember a few years back there was some buzz in the dieting community about controlling weight through scents or little drops of flavoring. Can't remember which it was but a drop was either tasted or sniffed and that was supposed to satisfy cravings. I suspect that method backfired and sent many testees with food addiction racing to the nearest grocery store. The product never made it to the diet shelves, but I think that there may be some merit to the idea that food addicts have more sensitive taste buds. I wondered if the fact that I crave certain tastes, smells, and textures was somehow related to being ADHD. ADHD can be closely related to sensory integration issues in people. People with sensory issues often find some things too overwhelming for their senses while craving sensory input in other areas. Their senses aren't balanced. When they crave sensory input they may try parachuting or some other highly stimulating and risky behavior. Other times they may find the presense of a lot of people and commotion overwhelming and need to get totally away from it. I can relate to both sides of that. I love singing on praise teams, acting in skits and am quite comfortable talking with a mike in front of large groups of people. Something in me turns on. I like to hold people's attention and it's partly what makes me an effective teacher. Being on stage stimulates me, but being in a big crowd of people (unless I'm outdoors) can overwhelm me. I start feeling claustrophobic and need to get out of there. I'll go home after talking all day and listening to kids talk and then I go home and don't even want my poor husband to talk to me. I'm in recovery mode. So it does not surprise me that I'm full of strong likes and dislikes when it comes to food. I now enjoy fish but the smell used to make me avoid it. I don't like the texture of larger shrimp, but I now eat baby shrimp. I have recently started liking nutty whole grain breads, so my tastes are changing or my sensory needs are diminishing. I don't think you'll ever see me substituting carrots or celery for crunchy snacks. I'd rather just do without the crunchy snacks. In fact, you won't hardly every see me eating raw vegetables. I much prefer them cooked. And if you're going to cook them, cook them long enough to be able to get a fork in them. I hate it when my fork bounces off the cooked vegetables. I mean, why did anyone bother turning on the stove? I'm watching the salt now because of my blood pressure but I think dieticians absolutely have it wrong when they say cook it without salt and add the salt later. If you don't cook with the salt the flavor doesn't get into the food and you end up adding more and more salt to try to get it there. So where am I going with this? I think it could be that people with strong food cravings may be seeking sensory input. They may eat the things they know they're supposed to eat but then they go looking for the food they really were craving and don't stop eating it until that sensory issue is met. Diets fail because diet food doesn't provide the sensory input food addicts crave, and they frequently try to force food addicts to eat food they abhor just because its "good for them" I'm glad I've got the band because if I get carried away be a craving, the band will tell me when I've satisfied the craving and give my brain time to catch up and acknowledge it. I believe it takes the brain 20 minutes to recognize satiety which is why people can continue eating even after being full. My band won't let me do that, especiallly if I'm filling it with protein first. So what do I do about the sensory issues? I think excersize can be a big part of meeting those needs. Currently my arthitis is limiting me to walking, but at least its summer and I can walk outside and get the extra stimulation provided by the elements of sun, fresh air, green plants and trees, flowers, and nice scenery. Playing games on Facebook at night, checking the lapbandtalk website, and blogging give me mental stimulation and keep my hands busy. I may have to invest in a Wii. I think I could get into that. With our economic situation I'm pretty much reduced to what I can do at home or visiting grandchildren, but, as grandma, I don't have to clean their house or cook their food or do their laundry. I can go out and sit in the sandbox and build sand castles or take them for a walk to the park or to visit the "neigh-neighs" (horses.) I can wade in the pool with them and get into water fights. I can help them blow bubbles. I can get all the hugs and kisses I want. Talk about sensory input. And let's not forget singing and dancing before the Lord. I can always do more of that.

Saturday, July 18, 2009 Taking Care of Myself! Just the past few days my energy has started coming back and today it roared into town. I walked for an hour and a half and then worked in the garden pulling weeds. Actually its my neighbor's garden. They generally grow weeds and their garden borders mine all the way between our long driveways. They actually have flowers buried in there this year but for years it was mostly weeds. I'd been getting in there this year to help them, they're elderly and both have severe diabetes. But I haven't done any gardening since my surgery. I didn't want to dislodge my band with all the bending over, plus digging with the shovel puts pressure on the disc in my neck. Fortunately, I did an excellent job weeding my own gardens before surgery. They're just starting to need attention, but the neighbors weeds were tree sized. Some of them were trees. I've finally got my blood pressure in the normal range--had to go back on all of my meds even after losing 27 lbs. I was holding off on going back on the magnesium and potassium gluconate ut it finally put my blood pressure back in the normal range. That means I feel safe hanging upside down on my incline board and that is really helping my neck. In fact my whole spine is decompressed and I have less trouble with my hip and lower back. That's helping me walk longer. I was also amazed at how quickly I cleaned out a mess of weeds. The loss of 27 lbs really makes a difference. Yeah! I love gardening and walking. Those are the two activities I've tried to keep doing despite the arthritis pain. Both make me feel good. Both increase my serenity and my concentration. My food is doing pretty well even though I'm no longer feeling much restriction. My first fill is on Aug. 11. I'm so glad I can garden again. It always keeps me busy and gives me serenity which in turn boosts my willpower. I was careful not to do too much. So far my neck is holding up quite well. (I think there's a pun in there.) Struggling a little with the fact that my husband has ice cream in the house and he also made cupcakes with chocolate frosting (he's never baked in his life.) I've had a few tastes but haven't pigged out. I don't know if I can handle having things in the house that trigger cravings. I know that if I ask him he won't buy it for himself anymore, but that's not necessarily fair to him. We're trying to not spend money on fast food items or things like DQ, and its cheaper to make treats or have ice cream in the house than go out for them, but I may suggest that he go out to DQ rather than have it and eat it in the house. I've let him know I'm struggling rather than keep on pretending I don't see him eating it. I need to be honest about the things I struggle with. That's healthier behavior than before. I don't want to make him responsible for my success. Hopefully, we'll reach a reasonable compromise that doesn't compromise my recovery. My husband has been tackling the dismantling of the basement preparatory to Perma-Seal coming in in October and ending our water problems. What a mess that's been. We're able to leave the studs but are removing all paneling, the insulation behind it, and ugly ceiling tiles whose grids were nailed into the paneling and unsalvageable. We're gutting the bathroom, too. Then, little by little, as my husband's social security checks come in, we'll start putting things back together. Some of the expenses have turned out to not be as bad as we thought they were going to be. That helps. We decided to repair my car. That cost around $1700 but it was a lot cheaper than buying even a cheap used car. We seem to have found a really good repair man one block from where we live. We should have been going to him for a long time. So we've fixed one short term problem and are finally making progress on the long-term one. I can't tell you how depressing the basement issue has been. I think finally doing something about my health has given me the impetus to to make the basement a priority and to refuse to spend money on anything else (except emergencies like the car.) Taking care of the basement water and mold problem, just like getting the lap band surgery, is taking care of myself. Getting my blood pressure under control, hanging from my incline board, walking, and gardening are also taking care of myself. Speaking up if I'm struggling with something, is taking care of myself. I'm no longer feeling paralized. What a relief! God is good all the time! All the time God is good!

Saturday, July 18, 2009 Taking Care of Myself! Just the past few days my energy has started coming back and today it roared into town. I walked for an hour and a half and then worked in the garden pulling weeds. Actually its my neighbor's garden. They generally grow weeds and their garden borders mine all the way between our long driveways. They actually have flowers buried in there this year but for years it was mostly weeds. I'd been getting in there this year to help them, they're elderly and both have severe diabetes. But I haven't done any gardening since my surgery. I didn't want to dislodge my band with all the bending over, plus digging with the shovel puts pressure on the disc in my neck. Fortunately, I did an excellent job weeding my own gardens before surgery. They're just starting to need attention, but the neighbors weeds were tree sized. Some of them were trees. I've finally got my blood pressure in the normal range--had to go back on all of my meds even after losing 27 lbs. I was holding off on going back on the magnesium and potassium gluconate ut it finally put my blood pressure back in the normal range. That means I feel safe hanging upside down on my incline board and that is really helping my neck. In fact my whole spine is decompressed and I have less trouble with my hip and lower back. That's helping me walk longer. I was also amazed at how quickly I cleaned out a mess of weeds. The loss of 27 lbs really makes a difference. Yeah! I love gardening and walking. Those are the two activities I've tried to keep doing despite the arthritis pain. Both make me feel good. Both increase my serenity and my concentration. My food is doing pretty well even though I'm no longer feeling much restriction. My first fill is on Aug. 11. I'm so glad I can garden again. It always keeps me busy and gives me serenity which in turn boosts my willpower. I was careful not to do too much. So far my neck is holding up quite well. (I think there's a pun in there.) Struggling a little with the fact that my husband has ice cream in the house and he also made cupcakes with chocolate frosting (he's never baked in his life.) I've had a few tastes but haven't pigged out. I don't know if I can handle having things in the house that trigger cravings. I know that if I ask him he won't buy it for himself anymore, but that's not necessarily fair to him. We're trying to not spend money on fast food items or things like DQ, and its cheaper to make treats or have ice cream in the house than go out for them, but I may suggest that he go out to DQ rather than have it and eat it in the house. I've let him know I'm struggling rather than keep on pretending I don't see him eating it. I need to be honest about the things I struggle with. That's healthier behavior than before. I don't want to make him responsible for my success. Hopefully, we'll reach a reasonable compromise that doesn't compromise my recovery. My husband has been tackling the dismantling of the basement preparatory to Perma-Seal coming in in October and ending our water problems. What a mess that's been. We're able to leave the studs but are removing all paneling, the insulation behind it, and ugly ceiling tiles whose grids were nailed into the paneling and unsalvageable. We're gutting the bathroom, too. Then, little by little, as my husband's social security checks come in, we'll start putting things back together. Some of the expenses have turned out to not be as bad as we thought they were going to be. That helps. We decided to repair my car. That cost around $1700 but it was a lot cheaper than buying even a cheap used car. We seem to have found a really good repair man one block from where we live. We should have been going to him for a long time. So we've fixed one short term problem and are finally making progress on the long-term one. I can't tell you how depressing the basement issue has been. I think finally doing something about my health has given me the impetus to to make the basement a priority and to refuse to spend money on anything else (except emergencies like the car.) Taking care of the basement water and mold problem, just like getting the lap band surgery, is taking care of myself. Getting my blood pressure under control, hanging from my incline board, walking, and gardening are also taking care of myself. Speaking up if I'm struggling with something, is taking care of myself. I'm no longer feeling paralized. What a relief! God is good all the time! All the time God is good!

What she said. Ditto.

Friday, July 17, 2009 Food Addiction and Sensory Issues After I wrote yesterday's blog I started thinking about my strong preferences for spicy food and strong aversion to green peppers (not to mention raw carrots and celery.) I remember a few years back there was some buzz in the dieting community about controlling weight through scents or little drops of flavoring. Can't remember which it was but a drop was either tasted or sniffed and that was supposed to satisfy cravings. I suspect that method backfired and sent many testees with food addiction racing to the nearest grocery store. The product never made it to the diet shelves, but I think that there may be some merit to the idea that food addicts have more sensitive taste buds. I wondered if the fact that I crave certain tastes, smells, and textures was somehow related to being ADHD. ADHD can be closely related to sensory integration issues in people. People with sensory issues often find some things too overwhelming for their senses while craving sensory input in other areas. Their senses aren't balanced. When they crave sensory input they may try parachuting or some other highly stimulating and risky behavior. Other times they may find the presense of a lot of people and commotion overwhelming and need to get totally away from it. I can relate to both sides of that. I love singing on praise teams, acting in skits and am quite comfortable talking with a mike in front of large groups of people. Something in me turns on. I like to hold people's attention and it's partly what makes me an effective teacher. Being on stage stimulates me, but being in a big crowd of people (unless I'm outdoors) can overwhelm me. I start feeling claustrophobic and need to get out of there. I'll go home after talking all day and listening to kids talk and then I go home and don't even want my poor husband to talk to me. I'm in recovery mode. So it does not surprise me that I'm full of strong likes and dislikes when it comes to food. I now enjoy fish but the smell used to make me avoid it. I don't like the texture of larger shrimp, but I now eat baby shrimp. I have recently started liking nutty whole grain breads, so my tastes are changing or my sensory needs are diminishing. I don't think you'll ever see me substituting carrots or celery for crunchy snacks. I'd rather just do without the crunchy snacks. In fact, you won't hardly every see me eating raw vegetables. I much prefer them cooked. And if you're going to cook them, cook them long enough to be able to get a fork in them. I hate it when my fork bounces off the cooked vegetables. I mean, why did anyone bother turning on the stove? I'm watching the salt now because of my blood pressure but I think dieticians absolutely have it wrong when they say cook it without salt and add the salt later. If you don't cook with the salt the flavor doesn't get into the food and you end up adding more and more salt to try to get it there. So where am I going with this? I think it could be that people with strong food cravings may be seeking sensory input. They may eat the things they know they're supposed to eat but then they go looking for the food they really were craving and don't stop eating it until that sensory issue is met. Diets fail because diet food doesn't provide the sensory input food addicts crave, and they frequently try to force food addicts to eat food they abhor just because its "good for them" I'm glad I've got the band because if I get carried away be a craving, the band will tell me when I've satisfied the craving and give my brain time to catch up and acknowledge it. I believe it takes the brain 20 minutes to recognize satiety which is why people can continue eating even after being full. My band won't let me do that, especiallly if I'm filling it with protein first. So what do I do about the sensory issues? I think excersize can be a big part of meeting those needs. Currently my arthitis is limiting me to walking, but at least its summer and I can walk outside and get the extra stimulation provided by the elements of sun, fresh air, green plants and trees, flowers, and nice scenery. Playing games on Facebook at night, checking the lapbandtalk website, and blogging give me mental stimulation and keep my hands busy. I may have to invest in a Wii. I think I could get into that. With our economic situation I'm pretty much reduced to what I can do at home or visiting grandchildren, but, as grandma, I don't have to clean their house or cook their food or do their laundry. I can go out and sit in the sandbox and build sand castles or take them for a walk to the park or to visit the "neigh-neighs" (horses.) I can wade in the pool with them and get into water fights. I can help them blow bubbles. I can get all the hugs and kisses I want. Talk about sensory input. And let's not forget singing and dancing before the Lord. I can always do more of that.

Everyone's doing so well. I'm so proud of everyone. Just the past few days my energy has started coming back and today it roared into town. I walked for an hour and a half and then worked in the garden pulling weeds. Actually its my neighbor's garden. They generally grow weeds and their garden borders mine all the way between our long driveways. They actually have flowers buried in there this year but for years it was mostly weeds. I've been getting in there this year to help them, they're elderly and both have severe diabetes. But I haven't done any gardening since my surgery. I didn't want to dislodge my band with all the bending over, plus digging with the shovel puts pressure on the disc in my neck. Fortunately, I did an excellent job weeding my own gardens before surgery. They're just starting to need attention, but the neighbors weeds were tree sized. Some of them were trees. I've finally got my blood pressure in the normal range--had to go back on all of my meds but the magnesium and potassium gluconate finally pushed it down the rest of the way. That means I feel safe hanging upside down on my incline board and that is really helping my neck. In fact my whole spine is decompressed and I have less trouble with my hip and lower back. Yeah! My food is doing well even though I'm no longer feeling restriction. My first fill is on Aug. 11. I'm so glad I can garden again. It always keeps me busy and gives me serenity which in turn boosts my willpower.

Happy Bandiversary Charlene and Janet and Phyll. I can really tell that posting and helping others has kept you on track. You are my heroes.

Congratulations. I'm 57 but I am full of arthritis and have high blood pressure and cholesterol and the beginnings of diabetes. I also get very nautious with surgery. I told everyone that who pre-interviewed me, I told them all the morning of surgery, and after I woke up I told everyone as soon as I felt it. They managed to keep it at bay, but I ended up sleeping a lot from the medicine and not going home till late. I slept on the ride home and tumbled into bed and slept till late morning. My philosophy is, wake me up when its over (pain, nausea, whatever)

I actually wrote about some of this in yesterday's blog. The post is called Panic. I'll copy some of it here. I can't get in till August 11. That means that from now until then I'm going to be going on willpower alone. It's amazing how comforting it was knowing I couldn't eat more than a certain amount without causing myself discomfort. I would feel that approaching fullness and know that I didn't want to PB (productive burp where the stuck food comes right back up with the burp relieving the discomfort), nor did I want to be slimed--think how your mouth starts watering when you smell food or even think about it. You've already started the digestive process, only the extra phlegm that helps wash down and moisten your food overproduces after a BP and there's no room in your tiny tummy so it comes back up while still being produced. Gross, I know. And enough to make you not overeat. Experiencing this phenomena once was enough. I just about had a panic attack when I actually felt hunger for the first time since before my surgery. I don't know how to handle hunger. Most of the time I avoided it by eating before I felt it. Every diet I've ever been on was made miserable by having to endure hunger combined with cravings. I can remember following good diet advice--don't go to a party hungry, you'll overeat. So I would eat ahead of time and still binge on the party food. On Oprah, Oprah tends to ask the question what are you hungry for. She tends to go with the emotional eating pardigm. Well, I'm hungry for food. Sure, codependency and ADHD and, for sure, confrontation, all trigger binges in me. But I just plain like food. I love chocolate in just about every way possible. I love spicy foods, whether Mexican, Thai, Ethiopian, Chinese, or Indian. If you want to read more or follow more of my journey you can go to IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Blessings on your journey.

I've had a lot of surgeries and you're always a little scared. I pray the the Lord will bless you and keep and make his face shine upon you and give you his peace.

LOL. Haven't we rotated enough diets in our lives? All I can say is, get your support and info from LBT and use your Dr. to get your fills and ignore the rest. Don't give up. If this fill doesn't cut it, schedule the next one immediately. Maybe that's the lesson from this incident. Dr.s aren't God. Learn to tell the Dr. what you need and expect that he'll do it and flush the rest down the toilet where stuff that stinks belongs. The more confident you are with him, the better your relationship will be.

Thursday, July 16, 2009 Panic! I have no more real restriction. Unless I eat dry meat only (like deli meat or ground turkey) I can keep right on eating. My stomach must have shrunk from loss of swelling as well as less food and has lost some of its surrounding fat as I lost 27 lbs. So now the band is relatively loose. I'm also feeling hungry in between meals. As soon as I realized it I called my Dr. to make an appointment for my first fill. Unfortunately I can't get in till August 11. That means that from now until then I'm going to be going on willpower alone. It's amazing how comforting it was knowing I couldn't eat more than a certain amount without causing myself discomfort. I would feel that approaching fullness and know that I didn't want to PB (productive burp where the stuck food comes right back up with the burp relieving the discomfort), nor did I want to be slimed--think how your mouth starts watering when you smell food or even think about it. You've already started the digestive process, only the extra phlegm that helps wash down and moisten your food overproduces after a BP and there's no room in your tiny tummy so it comes back up while still being produced. Gross, I know. And enough to make you not overeat. Experiencing this phenomena once was enough. I just about had a panic attack when I actually felt hunger for the first time since before my surgery. I don't know how to handle hunger. Most of the time I avoided it by eating before I felt it. Every diet I've ever been on was made miserable by having to endure hunger combined with cravings. I can remember following good diet advice--don't go to a party hungry, you'll overeat. So I would eat ahead of time and still binge on the party food. On Oprah, Oprah tends to ask the question what are you hungry for. She tends to go with the emotional eating pardigm. Well, I'm hungry for food. Sure, codependency and ADHD and, for sure, confrontation, all trigger binges in me. But I just plain like food. I love chocolate in just about every way possible. I love spicy foods, whether Mexican, Thai, Ethiopian, Chinese, or Indian. I love the rich smoothness of chocolate and ice cream, the crunchy saltiness of chips and cheetos, the smell and flavor of meats fixed many different ways. I really don't care for raw veggies and green peppers taste horrible and can wreck the flavor if used too freely in sauces. I don't like crunching into uncooked onions in a hot dish. I love onions that are used to flavour food, not give it texture. I have strong likes and dislikes. I like fruit if its fresh and really sweet. I eat cake and donuts for the frosting and fillings and frequently throw out the rest. I'll eat the chocolate chips out of a cookie and throw out the cookie. I don't want cottage cheese in my jello or nuts in most sweet things unless they're chocolate candy. I am triggered by food--the sight, smell, and taste of it, and I have very strong taste and texture preferences. Tomato sauce is great, raw tomtoes not so much. The lap band was keeping me safe and now its not. Not till August 11. There are people with lap bands who actually gain weight during this waiting period (pun intended.) I read the posts from http://www.lapbandtalk.com/ and people are full of fear during this time period. They know what its like to try to do it on willpower and, like me, have failed miserably over and over again. Phillipians 4:12 says: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I know the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Pray for me!

Thursday, July 16, 2009 Panic! I have no more real restriction. Unless I eat dry meat only (like deli meat or ground turkey) I can keep right on eating. My stomach must have shrunk from loss of swelling as well as less food and has lost some of its surrounding fat as I lost 27 lbs. So now the band is relatively loose. I'm also feeling hungry in between meals. As soon as I realized it I called my Dr. to make an appointment for my first fill. Unfortunately I can't get in till August 11. That means that from now until then I'm going to be going on willpower alone. It's amazing how comforting it was knowing I couldn't eat more than a certain amount without causing myself discomfort. I would feel that approaching fullness and know that I didn't want to PB (productive burp where the stuck food comes right back up with the burp relieving the discomfort), nor did I want to be slimed--think how your mouth starts watering when you smell food or even think about it. You've already started the digestive process, only the extra phlegm that helps wash down and moisten your food overproduces after a BP and there's no room in your tiny tummy so it comes back up while still being produced. Gross, I know. And enough to make you not overeat. Experiencing this phenomena once was enough. I just about had a panic attack when I actually felt hunger for the first time since before my surgery. I don't know how to handle hunger. Most of the time I avoided it by eating before I felt it. Every diet I've ever been on was made miserable by having to endure hunger combined with cravings. I can remember following good diet advice--don't go to a party hungry, you'll overeat. So I would eat ahead of time and still binge on the party food. On Oprah, Oprah tends to ask the question what are you hungry for. She tends to go with the emotional eating pardigm. Well, I'm hungry for food. Sure, codependency and ADHD and, for sure, confrontation, all trigger binges in me. But I just plain like food. I love chocolate in just about every way possible. I love spicy foods, whether Mexican, Thai, Ethiopian, Chinese, or Indian. I love the rich smoothness of chocolate and ice cream, the crunchy saltiness of chips and cheetos, the smell and flavor of meats fixed many different ways. I really don't care for raw veggies and green peppers taste horrible and can wreck the flavor if used too freely in sauces. I don't like crunching into uncooked onions in a hot dish. I love onions that are used to flavour food, not give it texture. I have strong likes and dislikes. I like fruit if its fresh and really sweet. I eat cake and donuts for the frosting and fillings and frequently throw out the rest. I'll eat the chocolate chips out of a cookie and throw out the cookie. I don't want cottage cheese in my jello or nuts in most sweet things unless they're chocolate candy. I am triggered by food--the sight, smell, and taste of it, and I have very strong taste and texture preferences. Tomato sauce is great, raw tomtoes not so much. The lap band was keeping me safe and now its not. Not till August 11. There are people with lap bands who actually gain weight during this waiting period (pun intended.) I read the posts from http://www.lapbandtalk.com/ and people are full of fear during this time period. They know what its like to try to do it on willpower and, like me, have failed miserably over and over again. Phillipians 4:12 says: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I know the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Pray for me!

I'm so glad you're recovering. Don't push it too hard. I'm still losing weight even though my arthritis is preventing me from doing anything more than walk. I think my herniated disc in my neck is acting up. I may need to get an epidural. Congratulations on making a healthy choice for you. I finally figured out the PB is puke back. Am I right? The pain is awful and getting slimed is disgusting. I'm so happy for your both.