ifyourstomachoffendsyou

I actually wrote about the topic of constipation in my blog yesterday. The title is Getting the Crap Out. You can read it at http://ifyourstomachoffendsyoutieitoff.blogspot.com/ I used to gorge on food I didn't like just because it was there and I needed something to do. Now, with limited room, I save my stomach for foods that taste good and are good for me. Man, its hard when a fridge or freezer goes out. Both my frugal Dutch genes and my food addicted mind can't stand the waste. Laura, you aren't pregnant are you? By the way, my e-mail is cherifl@comcast.net. If anyone is struggling with codependency issues or other issues I'm here to help. I have 20 years in Alanon and I sponsored an Alateen group for 6. I am currently involved in Celebrate Recovery at my church. I believe codependency is a huge issue for food addicts and part of recovery is dealing with it.

Monday, July 27, 2009 Getting Rid of the Crap Thought I'd give you a heads up on the topic today. In case you're squeamish. If you've ever been on the Atkins diet you know you lost weight but you probably also experienced constipation. You have to pick fibers that don't shoot up your blood sugar. I managed because I took ground flax seed and Psyllium Husk. I also found fish oil helped. Veggies and fruits are carbs and have to be limited on Atkins--especially fruit. I've never been that fond of salads and raw veggies, and fruit is limited because of its high sugar content. Not that fruit ever helped me with a lifelong constipation problem. I could eat a lb of grapes or cherries and see no impact. The food protocol for lap band is pretty close to the Atkins Diet. Protein first. Veggies and fruit in small quantities. Careful with the grains because they swell and stretch the stomach. Regular bread and rice can make you bp when they swell. Whole grains can be added cautiously to help control hunger after you've been on the band awhile and your stomach is healed. So enter my old enemy, constipation. Laxatives barely help. I've added fish oil back and just a little ground flax seed. I'm scared of the Psyllium Husk because I know it expands in water. I drink my V8 everyday as well as some diet V8 Splash to get my veggies. I do have some cooked broccoli and califlower and green beans. All fruit has to be peeled and raw veggies can hurt the stomach. I eat a lot of beans (not green ones), but all they do is make me fart. When I was a kid I was so constipated I only went 1x/wk after my big Sunday dinner. TMI, I know, but I gave you fair warning. Excercise is supposed to help but I'm walking and hour and fifteen minutes everyday. Big meals actually used to help me move it through but I can no longe eat big meals. I take a good multivitamin as well as calcium supplements and I get my dairy everyday, so I'm getting my nutrients. This whole subject gives new meaning to the phrase: this too shall pass. People do not like to be constipated. If you've ever dined in a nursing home you'll find prune juice to be a very popular item. I'd need to drink a quart. I'm finding it hard to come up with any kind of spiritual or tool for recovery meaning to apply to this topic. Constipation is just a fact of life that you have to experiment with until you get relief, whether you've had lap band or not. About the only metaphorical meaning I can come up with is that its important to get the crap in your life out of you. You need to do what it takes to get it moving on out or you'll end up with a sluggish brain and spirit and may actually end up with an impacted brain that's stuck on the same old ideas and ways of thinking and is not capable of changing for the better. Step 6 & 7 deal with becoming ready to have God remove all our defects of character and then humbly asking him to do so. Work the steps, pray, read your Bible, read spiritual books, talk to people who don't look like you or think like you, journal, take some risks, go on adventures, take care of yourself, peel away another layer and reveal yourself, have fun, and don't take yourself too seriously or waste time beating yourself or other people up. Love God above all and your neighbor as yourself.

Monday, July 27, 2009 Getting Rid of the Crap Thought I'd give you a heads up on the topic today. In case you're squeamish. If you've ever been on the Atkins diet you know you lost weight but you probably also experienced constipation. You have to pick fibers that don't shoot up your blood sugar. I managed because I took ground flax seed and Psyllium Husk. I also found fish oil helped. Veggies and fruits are carbs and have to be limited on Atkins--especially fruit. I've never been that fond of salads and raw veggies, and fruit is limited because of its high sugar content. Not that fruit ever helped me with a lifelong constipation problem. I could eat a lb of grapes or cherries and see no impact. The food protocol for lap band is pretty close to the Atkins Diet. Protein first. Veggies and fruit in small quantities. Careful with the grains because they swell and stretch the stomach. Regular bread and rice can make you bp when they swell. Whole grains can be added cautiously to help control hunger after you've been on the band awhile and your stomach is healed. So enter my old enemy, constipation. Laxatives barely help. I've added fish oil back and just a little ground flax seed. I'm scared of the Psyllium Husk because I know it expands in water. I drink my V8 everyday as well as some diet V8 Splash to get my veggies. I do have some cooked broccoli and califlower and green beans. All fruit has to be peeled and raw veggies can hurt the stomach. I eat a lot of beans (not green ones), but all they do is make me fart. When I was a kid I was so constipated I only went 1x/wk after my big Sunday dinner. TMI, I know, but I gave you fair warning. Excercise is supposed to help but I'm walking and hour and fifteen minutes everyday. Big meals actually used to help me move it through but I can no longe eat big meals. I take a good multivitamin as well as calcium supplements and I get my dairy everyday, so I'm getting my nutrients. This whole subject gives new meaning to the phrase: this too shall pass. People do not like to be constipated. If you've ever dined in a nursing home you'll find prune juice to be a very popular item. I'd need to drink a quart. I'm finding it hard to come up with any kind of spiritual or tool for recovery meaning to apply to this topic. Constipation is just a fact of life that you have to experiment with until you get relief, whether you've had lap band or not. About the only metaphorical meaning I can come up with is that its important to get the crap in your life out of you. You need to do what it takes to get it moving on out or you'll end up with a sluggish brain and spirit and may actually end up with an impacted brain that's stuck on the same old ideas and ways of thinking and is not capable of changing for the better. Step 6 & 7 deal with becoming ready to have God remove all our defects of character and then humbly asking him to do so. Work the steps, pray, read your Bible, read spiritual books, talk to people who don't look like you or think like you, journal, take some risks, go on adventures, take care of yourself, peel away another layer and reveal yourself, have fun, and don't take yourself too seriously or waste time beating yourself or other people up. Love God above all and your neighbor as yourself.

Thanks for the pouch test info. I had noticed that the solider the protein I ate the more uncomfortable I felt and the less I could eat. It just got boring eventually. I could see it as a way to kickstart getting back on track. It actually sounds like what you have to do after a fill.

On a lighter note. Constipation. Anybody besides me got a problem? Hi protein, no whole grains, little fruit, some veggies, and a lifelong history of constipation. I used to take unbelieveable amounts of fiber, both Psyllium husk and ground flax seed as well as fish oil. Never was a huge raw veggie person or salad person or fruit person. Can't have much of any of that. Dr. gave me a script for a laxative, but that's just one more pill to take and once I get my fill, I'm assuming I'll have trouble with all my pills again. I feel like I'm going back in time to when I was a child and BMd 1x/wk after my weekly huge Sunday dinner. AARGH!

Sunday, July 26, 2009 Celebrate! Several people posted the past 2 days about having kids with major addictions. Some are taking care of grandchildren or have never seen their grandchildren due to removal from birth parent due to child endangerment. My heart goes out to everyone dealing with addiction with their grown children. I have attended Alanon for years, gone to counseling, work currently a little bit with Celebrate Recovery. Spent some time posting back to those struggling. My first husband had an issue with alcohol. One of the best things I'm doing is dealing with my own addiction to food. I see codependency as closely tied into food addiction. Tough love and taking care of ourselves in relationships aides our own recovery and sets a good example to the other addicts or potential addicts (like our children) in our lives. I had a wonderful Sunday. Church this morning and then a luncheon with a group that 20 years ago sponsored several Ethiopian refugees at a former church. One of the refugees was out here visiting with his wife and kids. We all reminisced about that time and some of the funny cultural differences and situations that arose. I ate a little bit of everything that looked good to me but did not overindulge. Then I sang on a praise team at a special service this evening. We're a multicultural church and we had our annual Taste of Reconciliation. I had a few tastes of various countries, focusing on protein, a little of this and that. Did not overindulge. Didn't want to bp in the middle of a song on stage. LOL. Then we moved into the sanctuary where my praise team and invited singers and groups from other churches also sang--sometimes in other languages. We had a dynamite short sermon, dynamite music of all styles, I got to sing in Spanish. Haven't sung all summer since choir took a summer break. People left on such a spiritual high. Loved it. Worship; acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with our God; 12-step recovery groups; spreading the good news of the Gospel and how we can recover even from our addictions; having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I try to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all my affairs. Today was a gift. So many of the elements of recovery were there. Many of the things most precious to me were celebrated. God is good all the time, All the time God is good.

Sunday, July 26, 2009 Celebrate! Several people posted the past 2 days about having kids with major addictions. Some are taking care of grandchildren or have never seen their grandchildren due to removal from birth parent due to child endangerment. My heart goes out to everyone dealing with addiction with their grown children. I have attended Alanon for years, gone to counseling, work currently a little bit with Celebrate Recovery. Spent some time posting back to those struggling. My first husband had an issue with alcohol. One of the best things I'm doing is dealing with my own addiction to food. I see codependency as closely tied into food addiction. Tough love and taking care of ourselves in relationships aides our own recovery and sets a good example to the other addicts or potential addicts (like our children) in our lives. I had a wonderful Sunday. Church this morning and then a luncheon with a group that 20 years ago sponsored several Ethiopian refugees at a former church. One of the refugees was out here visiting with his wife and kids. We all reminisced about that time and some of the funny cultural differences and situations that arose. I ate a little bit of everything that looked good to me but did not overindulge. Then I sang on a praise team at a special service this evening. We're a multicultural church and we had our annual Taste of Reconciliation. I had a few tastes of various countries, focusing on protein, a little of this and that. Did not overindulge. Didn't want to bp in the middle of a song on stage. LOL. Then we moved into the sanctuary where my praise team and invited singers and groups from other churches also sang--sometimes in other languages. We had a dynamite short sermon, dynamite music of all styles, I got to sing in Spanish. Haven't sung all summer since choir took a summer break. People left on such a spiritual high. Loved it. Worship; acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with our God; 12-step recovery groups; spreading the good news of the Gospel and how we can recover even from our addictions; having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I try to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all my affairs. Today was a gift. So many of the elements of recovery were there. Many of the things most precious to me were celebrated. God is good all the time, All the time God is good.

Saturday, July 25, 2009 What an Idiot! What an idiot! I got in a minor fender bender today and got a ticket. I let myself be pressured by a honking driver who wanted me to pull out into fast-moving traffic and then swerved around me to get out of the parking lot driveway and pulled into traffic ahead of me. I followed him and hit a car he just missed. He was laughing as he pulled away. So I let an idiot turn me into one. Loss of serenity. Letting someone else's bad behavior affect your decisions. Just a momentary lapse and...boom! No one hurt. My old car has just one more scrape but, of course, the other car was strategically hit in the right front quarter panel and the door with a scrape on the wheel cover. The mother of the young man driving the other car was understandably upset, but calmed down fairly quickly as I apologized and took responsibility. What amazed me is how she, her son, and her daughter were all immediately on their cell phones and taking pictures with their phones as well as their handy-dandy camera. It all ended fairly amicably since I have good insurance and took responsibility. But I'll have to go to court to get my license back. Had to call the insurance company. Felt like an idiot. This is life. I love the serenity prayer at moments like this. It's become absorbed into my nature over the years and in an emergency I go right into that mode. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. I couldn't change the fact that I got in an accident or that it was my fault, so I immediately accepted that fact and my responsibility. I could speak calmly and soothingly to the distraught, angry woman, quickly apologizing, and de-escalated the situation quite rapidly so that she apologized to me. I had ignored her screaming at me to stop my car and moved it to a safer place where it wouldn't block traffic and cause another accident. She thought I was leaving the scene. Once she realized my intent, she was embarassed. Afterwards, I did not go home and eat. Acceptance and serenity. Two major tools of recovery. I couldn't go back and change what happened, though I surely wish I could have. I didn't dwell on it. I had the courage to admit I was at fault and to change the atmosphere. I had the wisdom to know that I had to act to move my car right away and explain later. Honesty is another huge tool of the program. "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it!" Step 10 of the 12 steps. I also made amends which is Step 9. In fact, by having a current license and carrying good insurance, I was prepared to make amends in just such a situation. Now I did call the reckless driver a bad name--something to do with a donkey's hind end, but realized that would get me nowhere and I needed to take care of my business. And I did. And I didn't eat. God is good all the time! All the time God is good!

Saturday, July 25, 2009 What an Idiot! What an idiot! I got in a minor fender bender today and got a ticket. I let myself be pressured by a honking driver who wanted me to pull out into fast-moving traffic and then swerved around me to get out of the parking lot driveway and pulled into traffic ahead of me. I followed him and hit a car he just missed. He was laughing as he pulled away. So I let an idiot turn me into one. Loss of serenity. Letting someone else's bad behavior affect your decisions. Just a momentary lapse and...boom! No one hurt. My old car has just one more scrape but, of course, the other car was strategically hit in the right front quarter panel and the door with a scrape on the wheel cover. The mother of the young man driving the other car was understandably upset, but calmed down fairly quickly as I apologized and took responsibility. What amazed me is how she, her son, and her daughter were all immediately on their cell phones and taking pictures with their phones as well as their handy-dandy camera. It all ended fairly amicably since I have good insurance and took responsibility. But I'll have to go to court to get my license back. Had to call the insurance company. Felt like an idiot. This is life. I love the serenity prayer at moments like this. It's become absorbed into my nature over the years and in an emergency I go right into that mode. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. I couldn't change the fact that I got in an accident or that it was my fault, so I immediately accepted that fact and my responsibility. I could speak calmly and soothingly to the distraught, angry woman, quickly apologizing, and de-escalated the situation quite rapidly so that she apologized to me. I had ignored her screaming at me to stop my car and moved it to a safer place where it wouldn't block traffic and cause another accident. She thought I was leaving the scene. Once she realized my intent, she was embarassed. Afterwards, I did not go home and eat. Acceptance and serenity. Two major tools of recovery. I couldn't go back and change what happened, though I surely wish I could have. I didn't dwell on it. I had the courage to admit I was at fault and to change the atmosphere. I had the wisdom to know that I had to act to move my car right away and explain later. Honesty is another huge tool of the program. "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it!" Step 10 of the 12 steps. I also made amends which is Step 9. In fact, by having a current license and carrying good insurance, I was prepared to make amends in just such a situation. Now I did call the reckless driver a bad name--something to do with a donkey's hind end, but realized that would get me nowhere and I needed to take care of my business. And I did. And I didn't eat. God is good all the time! All the time God is good!

Tell us about the pouch test.

My heart goes out to everyone dealing with addiction with their grown children. I have attended Alanon for years, gone to counseling, work currently a little bit with Celebrate Recovery. My first husband had an issue with alcohol and I believe my son does as well. One of the best things I'm doing is dealing with my own addiction to food. I see codependency as closely tied into food addiction. Tough love and taking care of ourselves in relationships aides our own recovery and sets a good example to the other addicts in our lives. Everyone is doing so well. I, too, had a wonderful Sunday. Church this morning and then a luncheon with a group that 20 years ago sponsored several Ehiopian refugees at a former church. One of the refugees was out here visiting with his wife and kids. We all reminisced about that time and some of the funny cultural differences and situations that arose. I ate a little bit of everything that looked good to me but did not overindulge. Then I sang on a praise team at a special service this evening. We're a multicultural church and we had our annual taste of reconciliation. I had a few tastes of various countries, focusing on Protein, a little of this and that. Did not overindulge. Didn't want to bp in the middle of a song on stage. LOL. Then we moved into the sanctuary where my praise team and invited singers and groups from other churches also sang--sometimes in other languages. We had a dynamite short sermon, dynamite music of all styles, I got to sing in Spanish. Haven't sung all summer since choir took a summer break. People left on such a spiritual high. Loved it.

glad to see people back on this site. Clempier, I think a lot of us struggle with eating at night. That's a good time to finish getting in your liquids. I just had some Diet V8 Splash. I also will have a SF FF pudding at night or yoghurt if my stomach is actually growling. I also am on LBT and writing my blog at night as well as going on Facebook. That helps me keep my fingers and my mind busy.

So sorry about your DD. My first husband had issues with alcohol. I found attending 12-step meetings to be very beneficial. The Lord bless and keep you.

Friday, July 24, 2009 Tell Your Story I was in a restaurant today. I didn't think I'd been experiencing much restriction but I ate bread for the first time (other than a bite or two in the past.) Pita bread with goat cheese, tomato, olive and hummus. Also had a little spanakopita. I bp'd (productive burped, not British Petroleum)into a raised flower bed facing the street (we were seated outdoors) very discreetly. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The nutritionist was right when she said bread can expand in your stomach. I was eating slowly and chewing well and still bp'd. On a good note, my husband and I chewed up the sidewalk in downtown Chicago. I was able to walk and walk and walk. (Think about the initial letters in pita bread. Now reverse them and what do they spell?) It was good to know that I still have some restriction, but not the nicest way to find out. I sat on the edge of the flower bed with my back to the restaurant and I think the only person who noticed was a motorist whose car was stopped right in front of me. I made sure not to look at her, till she was driving off. She had a very stange smile on her face. Humor is such an important part of recovery. I told two Christian counselors the name of my blog and they both burst into laughter. Humor lends perspective and keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously. If you've ever been cornered by someone with serious issues who has no sense of humor and who takes every opportunity or topic in a conversation to relate a boring, deadly serious anecdote about themselves, you know exactly what I mean. Telling our stories is also an important tool in recovery. And you have to tell the bad stuff, too, or the story's not complete and is not believable. If you can do it with a light touch, all the better. But there are some things that happen to us that are totally not funny. That's when we need to convey the emotion and the pain. I think about people I know and love who were sexually abused. There is absolutely no way to make the telling of that funny. Yet I've seen women smile as they relate the story and minimize its impact on them. Their smiles are closer to grimaces, but they don't know that. I know women who are so damaged by what was done to them (especially with severe, long-term abuse) that they'll never be able to be in a normal healthy relationship or function optimally in the workplace--even after years of counseling and drug therapy. Many women with eating disorders were sexually abused as children. That doesn't mean that all women with eating disorders were abused, nor do all women who were abused develop eating disorders. I was not abused. But a number of women who were, chose to tell me their stories. Sometimes I've been the first person they've ever told. For them, telling their stories is crucial. Each time they tell another person and are not shamed or rejected for telling, they get closer to healing. Keeping the secret has torn them apart internally. I think women have told me their stories because they sense I am a safe person to tell. All I can do is listen, and that's what I do. I don't tell others. Most of these stories cannot be for public consumption. Sometimes, after a person has told me, they'll find ways to avoid me. The fact that I know their secret is just too uncomfortable for them. But it broke the ice. It will be easier for them to tell the next person. Everybody has a story to tell. Telling it helps the teller and the listener. When we who are Christians tell our stories, we tell of God's love for us and his grace in walking through the worst experiences with us. Whatever was done to us, was done to him. Whenever we suffer, he suffers. When we laugh, he laughs with us. His is the greatest story ever told, yet he'll listen to our story and hang on every word. Tell your story.

Friday, July 24, 2009 Tell Your Story I was in a restaurant today. I didn't think I'd been experiencing much restriction but I ate bread for the first time (other than a bite or two in the past.) Pita bread with goat cheese, tomato, olive and hummus. Also had a little spanakopita. I bp'd (productive burped, not British Petroleum)into a raised flower bed facing the street (we were seated outdoors) very discreetly. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The nutritionist was right when she said bread can expand in your stomach. I was eating slowly and chewing well and still bp'd. On a good note, my husband and I chewed up the sidewalk in downtown Chicago. I was able to walk and walk and walk. (Think about the initial letters in pita bread. Now reverse them and what do they spell?) It was good to know that I still have some restriction, but not the nicest way to find out. I sat on the edge of the flower bed with my back to the restaurant and I think the only person who noticed was a motorist whose car was stopped right in front of me. I made sure not to look at her, till she was driving off. She had a very stange smile on her face. Humor is such an important part of recovery. I told two Christian counselors the name of my blog and they both burst into laughter. Humor lends perspective and keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously. If you've ever been cornered by someone with serious issues who has no sense of humor and who takes every opportunity or topic in a conversation to relate a boring, deadly serious anecdote about themselves, you know exactly what I mean. Telling our stories is also an important tool in recovery. And you have to tell the bad stuff, too, or the story's not complete and is not believable. If you can do it with a light touch, all the better. But there are some things that happen to us that are totally not funny. That's when we need to convey the emotion and the pain. I think about people I know and love who were sexually abused. There is absolutely no way to make the telling of that funny. Yet I've seen women smile as they relate the story and minimize its impact on them. Their smiles are closer to grimaces, but they don't know that. I know women who are so damaged by what was done to them (especially with severe, long-term abuse) that they'll never be able to be in a normal healthy relationship or function optimally in the workplace--even after years of counseling and drug therapy. Many women with eating disorders were sexually abused as children. That doesn't mean that all women with eating disorders were abused, nor do all women who were abused develop eating disorders. I was not abused. But a number of women who were, chose to tell me their stories. Sometimes I've been the first person they've ever told. For them, telling their stories is crucial. Each time they tell another person and are not shamed or rejected for telling, they get closer to healing. Keeping the secret has torn them apart internally. I think women have told me their stories because they sense I am a safe person to tell. All I can do is listen, and that's what I do. I don't tell others. Most of these stories cannot be for public consumption. Sometimes, after a person has told me, they'll find ways to avoid me. The fact that I know their secret is just too uncomfortable for them. But it broke the ice. It will be easier for them to tell the next person. Everybody has a story to tell. Telling it helps the teller and the listener. When we who are Christians tell our stories, we tell of God's love for us and his grace in walking through the worst experiences with us. Whatever was done to us, was done to him. Whenever we suffer, he suffers. When we laugh, he laughs with us. His is the greatest story ever told, yet he'll listen to our story and hang on every word. Tell your story.

Thursday, July 23, 2009 On-line Community and Friendship In Bandster talk onederland is when the first number of your weight drops to a one. One hundred and something instead of two hundred or three hundred. You hit onederland when you drop to 199.9 lbs. Bandsters put count-down tickers to record their weightloss on their posts to various threads. You see their starting weight, current weight and goal weight. Those who "band" together during a certain month will pick a name which they proudly display in glitter letters on every post. They celebrate various goals along their journey--onederland being one of them. They celebrate their "bandiversaries", one year, two year, etc. anniversaries of their band date. Jargon has always been a way to bind groups together. Currently, many of the June Journeys are experiencing "band hell," that time when fills have not begun or not yet begun to make a difference with food restriction. I know I was very careful the past two days and finally lost almost 2 lbs. But today I'm hungry. Actually feeling stomach growling hunger. I'm trying to stick to protein but after I eat it I'm hungry again quickly. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. My first fill is August 11 so I've got a ways to go. So far I've lost 28 lbs. I'll be halfway when I reach 35 lbs lost and goal weight will be a 70 lb weight loss. My clothes are falling off me. I need to go to the thrift store to find clothes--especially pants--that will see me through only a month or two--before they outgrow me. Pants are, of course, the hardest thing to buy at a thrift store. Its nice to know I'm not alone on this journey. Its fun to discover and participate in a whole 'nuther world that has its own language and celebrations. My 50's plus group is talking about getting together. Deciding where in the United States to do that could be a real problem because we come from all over. Some people denigrate the various internet communities like Facebook and, I'm assuming, Lapbandtalk as creating artificial intimacy. To me, it feels more like making acquainatances, checking each other out, finding common interests. and possibly establishing some unexpected friendships. There were times when I was in counseling groups and Alanon groups that I experienced some of the best sharing and friendship I've ever had. When the groups fell apart it left a hole in my life. We laughed and cried together, we went out for coffee together, we gave each other advice, but mostly we just listened. I'm thinking Lapbandtalk is a gracelet (a little piece of God's grace) that's allowing me to once again conversate and share stories with people with a common interest. Before, it was the common interest of having a relative with an addiction. Now its our own addiction. Before the summer is out I hope to find a non-judgemental, non-rule driven support group that will help me continue this lifestyle change. But in the meantime, these fellow lap band journeyers with their willingness to share their stories have become friends. I don't always know their faces, but I'm beginning to know their stories. In my life I've changed addresses, churches, husbands, interests, and jobs, and each of these changes has brought about a loss of friends. They get harder and harder to replace. I'm going to take my friendships where I can find them. And that includes the internet.

Thursday, July 23, 2009 On-line Community and Friendship In Bandster talk onederland is when the first number of your weight drops to a one. One hundred and something instead of two hundred or three hundred. You hit onederland when you drop to 199.9 lbs. Bandsters put count-down tickers to record their weightloss on their posts to various threads. You see their starting weight, current weight and goal weight. Those who "band" together during a certain month will pick a name which they proudly display in glitter letters on every post. They celebrate various goals along their journey--onederland being one of them. They celebrate their "bandiversaries", one year, two year, etc. anniversaries of their band date. Jargon has always been a way to bind groups together. Currently, many of the June Journeys are experiencing "band hell," that time when fills have not begun or not yet begun to make a difference with food restriction. I know I was very careful the past two days and finally lost almost 2 lbs. But today I'm hungry. Actually feeling stomach growling hunger. I'm trying to stick to protein but after I eat it I'm hungry again quickly. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. My first fill is August 11 so I've got a ways to go. So far I've lost 28 lbs. I'll be halfway when I reach 35 lbs lost and goal weight will be a 70 lb weight loss. My clothes are falling off me. I need to go to the thrift store to find clothes--especially pants--that will see me through only a month or two--before they outgrow me. Pants are, of course, the hardest thing to buy at a thrift store. Its nice to know I'm not alone on this journey. Its fun to discover and participate in a whole 'nuther world that has its own language and celebrations. My 50's plus group is talking about getting together. Deciding where in the United States to do that could be a real problem because we come from all over. Some people denigrate the various internet communities like Facebook and, I'm assuming, Lapbandtalk as creating artificial intimacy. To me, it feels more like making acquainatances, checking each other out, finding common interests. and possibly establishing some unexpected friendships. There were times when I was in counseling groups and Alanon groups that I experienced some of the best sharing and friendship I've ever had. When the groups fell apart it left a hole in my life. We laughed and cried together, we went out for coffee together, we gave each other advice, but mostly we just listened. I'm thinking Lapbandtalk is a gracelet (a little piece of God's grace) that's allowing me to once again conversate and share stories with people with a common interest. Before, it was the common interest of having a relative with an addiction. Now its our own addiction. Before the summer is out I hope to find a non-judgemental, non-rule driven support group that will help me continue this lifestyle change. But in the meantime, these fellow lap band journeyers with their willingness to share their stories have become friends. I don't always know their faces, but I'm beginning to know their stories. In my life I've changed addresses, churches, husbands, interests, and jobs, and each of these changes has brought about a loss of friends. They get harder and harder to replace. I'm going to take my friendships where I can find them. And that includes the internet.

Corliss, I am in total and absolute agreement with you. This addiction is different from all others in that we need to eat to live. And each time we eat we trigger our addiction. I'm not capable of becoming addicted to food plans, carb-counting, weighing and measuring, or any of those other regimens that all too often are just another form of food addiction. For me, getting the band was total surrender to God. It was admitting I am totally powerless over this disease. I'm participating in several threads on lapbandtalk that are helping me deal with the band and with food issues day to day. I'm also writing a blog that is helping me deal with the complexity of issues that contribute to food addiction. I am looking for a local OA group that is non-judgemental and spends its time talking about the steps and recovery as a whole person and not about food plans. If you're interested in my blog you can find it at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF Some of my earlier blogs really deal with the issue of judgementalism in OA and other food recovery groups. You know the way the program is supposed to work because you've been in other 12-step groups. So have I. If you can attend without the rigidity of many of the people triggering shame in you, go for it. Being open about it and being honest about the shaming some people do in OA might actually make people stop and think before making judgemental statements.

I was in a restaurant today. I didn't think I'd been experiencing much restriction but I ate bread for the first time (other than a bite or two in the past.) Pita bread with goat cheese, tomato, olive and hummus. Also had a little spanakopita. I bp'd into a raised flower bed facing the street (we were seated outdoors) very discreetly. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The nutritionist was right when she said bread can expand in your stomach. I was eating slowly and chewing well and still bp'd. On a good note, my DH and I chewed up the sidewalk in downtown Chicago. I was able to walk and walk and walk. (Thnk about the initial letters in pita bread. Now reverse them and what do they spell?) Participating in lapbandtalk inspired me to write about on-line community and friendship in last night's blog. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

I was in a restaurant today. I didn't think I'd been experiencing much restriction but I ate bread for the first time (other than a bite or two in the past.) Pita bread with goat cheese, tomato, olive and hummus. Also had a little spanakopita. I bp'd into a raised flower bed facing the street (we were seated outdoors) very discreetly. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The nutritionist was right when she said bread can expand in your stomach. I was eating slowly and chewing well and still bp'd. On a good note, my DH and I chewed up the sidewalk in downtown Chicago. I was able to walk and walk and walk. (Thnk about the initial letters in pita bread. Now reverse them and what do they spell?) Participating in lapbandtalk inspired me to write about on-line community and friendship in last night's blog. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

--ljv52-I was also in a restaurant today. I didn't think I'd been experiencing much restriction but I ate bread for the first time (other than a bite or two in the past.) Pita bread with goat cheese, tomato, olive and hummus. Also had a little spanakopita. I bp'd into a raised flower bed facing the street (we were seated outdoors) very discreetly. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The nutritionist was right when she said bread can expand in your stomach. I was eating slowly and chewing well and still bp'd. On a good note, my DH and I chewed up the sidewalk in downtown Chicago. I was able to walk and walk and walk. --1 day and Bugs, doesn't a trip sound good? It actually inspired me to write about on-line community and friendship in last night's blog. http://ifyourstomachoffendsyoutieitoff.blogspot.com/ --Char, remember to take care of yourself and not just your husband. I'm glad he's doing so well. --Laura, stay off that scale for awhile. Do the liquid thing. It'll help you release all that water. Check your blood pressure, too, jic. Peace out girl. Guilt never helped anyone lose weight for very long. --Julie, so glad you're doing better. It is great to be able to eat a little of this and a little of that, and an occassional treat. Just be careful of pita bread. (Q. What do the first letters of pita bread, when reversed, spell?)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 Just Write It "Life is a journey, look for the smilemarkers along the way." Man, I need to get that copywrited. That's a bumper sticker in the making. That sentence popped into my head as I was finishing my blog late last night when I could barely see to finish the post. It became the title. I really do love writing this blog. Even though I'm a pretty good writer I tend to put off writing things that I've committed to writing until the last minute. Procrastination. I've heard that procrastinators are frustrated perfectionists who put things off to the last minute in order to give themselves permission to do a less than perfect job. Personally, I find that I can't concentrate enough to write until I'm up against a deadline. In the case of this blog, I start it when its really time to go to bed. By the time I'm finished I can barely see the page. I also can't stop writing until the ideas stop coming, another reason why I may be afraid to start. I'm always amazed when I'm done to find that its relatively coherent. Often I just start with whatever pops into my head and keep going. When I'm done I re-read it and realize there's usually a theme. My brain organizes things without me even realizing it. Still trying to figure out what the theme of this blog is. Or what it has to do with food addiction and lapband surgery. Just musing on the whole writing process and the way creativity happens. Sometimes ideas pop into my head while I'm walking. Sometimes they're inspired by events of the day. Sometimes ideas that have been percolating in my subconscious for a long time finally rise to the top. Once I start writing about it I can't stop. If I'm passionate about a subject things particularly seem to flow. I'm passionate about food addiction and its effects on me and others. Having the self-imposed discipline of posting everyday has made me more mindful of the events of the day, the thoughts going through my head, what's important that I need to talk about that others might appreciate. Although each of these posts is written as a stand alone piece with some references to earlier posts, they are all connected. I'm tracing the history and issues of my addiction that come up while I record the information about where I am in my lapband journey. If I tried to write all this as a pre-planned book, it would never happen. But I've posted at least 40 times. Each post could almost be a chapter in a book. I've never believed I could ever write a book, but, in essence, that's what I'm doing. I'm also able to really be myself while I'm writing this. You pretty much know the worst about me and you read me anyway. Some of you have written me or told me that you love how I'm unselfconscious, that I've moved you to tears, that you're praying for me, that I'm funny, that I'm inspiring. Mostly, I'm trying to be honest. Life is funny and life hurts. Everybody secretly desires to by known by someone else. To have the protective outer layers peeled away and the real person emerge where they can love and receive love not just inspite of but because of their peccadillos and insecurities. Its a real risk to put yourself out there in public. Most of us aren't too successful revealing ourselves even to our families. In fact, families can be the least safe place for that kind of revelation. I hope that those of you who struggle with similar issues (and who really doesn't? Mine is the human condition.) find your own voice and safe people with whom you can use it. AA's fifth step states, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being (usually a sponsor) the exact nature of our wrongs," or maybe we should say admitted our exact nature. If you're one of those honored with the peeled away self-revelations of another human being, be aware. You are holding something fragile and beautiful and quite perishable. Handle with care.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 Just Write It "Life is a journey, look for the smilemarkers along the way." Man, I need to get that copywrited. That's a bumper sticker in the making. That sentence popped into my head as I was finishing my blog late last night when I could barely see to finish the post. It became the title. I really do love writing this blog. Even though I'm a pretty good writer I tend to put off writing things that I've committed to writing until the last minute. Procrastination. I've heard that procrastinators are frustrated perfectionists who put things off to the last minute in order to give themselves permission to do a less than perfect job. Personally, I find that I can't concentrate enough to write until I'm up against a deadline. In the case of this blog, I start it when its really time to go to bed. By the time I'm finished I can barely see the page. I also can't stop writing until the ideas stop coming, another reason why I may be afraid to start. I'm always amazed when I'm done to find that its relatively coherent. Often I just start with whatever pops into my head and keep going. When I'm done I re-read it and realize there's usually a theme. My brain organizes things without me even realizing it. Still trying to figure out what the theme of this blog is. Or what it has to do with food addiction and lapband surgery. Just musing on the whole writing process and the way creativity happens. Sometimes ideas pop into my head while I'm walking. Sometimes they're inspired by events of the day. Sometimes ideas that have been percolating in my subconscious for a long time finally rise to the top. Once I start writing about it I can't stop. If I'm passionate about a subject things particularly seem to flow. I'm passionate about food addiction and its effects on me and others. Having the self-imposed discipline of posting everyday has made me more mindful of the events of the day, the thoughts going through my head, what's important that I need to talk about that others might appreciate. Although each of these posts is written as a stand alone piece with some references to earlier posts, they are all connected. I'm tracing the history and issues of my addiction that come up while I record the information about where I am in my lapband journey. If I tried to write all this as a pre-planned book, it would never happen. But I've posted at least 40 times. Each post could almost be a chapter in a book. I've never believed I could ever write a book, but, in essence, that's what I'm doing. I'm also able to really be myself while I'm writing this. You pretty much know the worst about me and you read me anyway. Some of you have written me or told me that you love how I'm unselfconscious, that I've moved you to tears, that you're praying for me, that I'm funny, that I'm inspiring. Mostly, I'm trying to be honest. Life is funny and life hurts. Everybody secretly desires to by known by someone else. To have the protective outer layers peeled away and the real person emerge where they can love and receive love not just inspite of but because of their peccadillos and insecurities. Its a real risk to put yourself out there in public. Most of us aren't too successful revealing ourselves even to our families. In fact, families can be the least safe place for that kind of revelation. I hope that those of you who struggle with similar issues (and who really doesn't? Mine is the human condition.) find your own voice and safe people with whom you can use it. AA's fifth step states, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being (usually a sponsor) the exact nature of our wrongs," or maybe we should say admitted our exact nature. If you're one of those honored with the peeled away self-revelations of another human being, be aware. You are holding something fragile and beautiful and quite perishable. Handle with care.

JoanneMarie that is awesome. Why, by the way, do we call it onderland. Safe trip Phyll and Janet. Have a great time. I lost over a pound despite little restriction, my clothes are falling off me after a 28 lb loss from my highest before surgery weight. 35 lbs is my half-way point. Yea for me.

Yesterday I was on another thread "I'm here to help" on lap band mentors I think. Jokes were flying back and forth and it inspired me to write last nights blog on the importance of humor--something I think we can all use. It's called Look for the Smilemarkers. check it out at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF