ifyourstomachoffendsyou

Apples, I'm coming in a little late on this, but you know we all love you. Say goodbye to the woman who helped make you the woman we love. How ironic about the chemo. I just said to someone today that we may make plans but we never know if we have tomorrow. God bless you and keep you and cause his face to shine upon you and be gracious. The Lord lift his countenance upon you and give you his peace. Laura, I know it has to do with my ADHD. Same thing happens to my son who's ADHD. Had to take him to the emergency room after tooth surgery because his skin felt like it was crawling and he was jumping out of it.

It was supposed to be 65 and sunny today. I was so looking forward to coming home and walking outside. Well, the sun never showed up and it never quite reached 65. I came home and got dressed for my walk, walked out the door and was met with a steady drizzle. This has been an incredibly wet autumn. So I changed coats, put on a hat, and went walking anyway. It was still light enough to see the golden colors of the remaining leaves. But I would have loved to have seen them lit by the sun. I think I do have a little more restriction. Which is good because I'm really craving food. Especially carbs. Ahh Vicodin. Kept me up all night in addition to constipating me. Puts some people to sleep. Me, it kept awake. Made my heart race. Hated it. Love Miralax. Its my friend. Veggies and salads have never helped with my constipation. Took tons of Fiber. Worked, but gave me gas. Course, so does the band. Or the Miralax. Or the Protein shakes. Or the Kashi bar. Or all the Protein. After the band I made up a new saying, "Feel free to fart frequently." You know, I take over the counter Vitamin D with no side effects. No megadoses. I probably get about 2-4000 IU per day. I'm increasing it because of the lack of sunshine this fall. I think its really helped with my Seasonal Affective Disorder. I need to share a tidbit about the cerebellum and exercise. It used to be thought that the cerebellum, at the bottom back of your brain, only controlled movement. Now it is known that it is the source of sequencing which is the basis of logic, higher level thinking skills and math. When you excercise you burn neural pathways that increase your sequencing skills, thereby making you smarter. So, get moving ladies. I also read yesterday that 30 minutes of aerobic exercise increases one's sense of well-being for up to 12 hours. I walked over an hour today. In the rain. And I felt good.

Fill doesn't seem to have done much. This guy did my first fill and didn't do much either. I think I'll put in for another one right away. I'm getting too close to my goal to slow down now because of lack of restriction. I'll try to make sure I have one of the othe Dr.s next time.

Had my fill today. I'm just drinking Protein Shakes (love the dark chocolate Atkins ones) today and tomorrow. I don't even risk trying anything even semi-solid. That usually gives me a good jump on weight loss again after the fill. I think this will be a good fill. Told Dr. to fill it till the food squeaks going through. Never been a huge bread eater so that was easy to give up. The chocolate in my Breakfast shake each morning and in my Kashi bar each night seems to usually satisfy my chocolate cravings. Thank God. I love meat so sticking to dense Protein is also pretty easy for me. I was very surprised to lose a lb during my 4 days of meetings and off protocol food, and then I lost another lb the next day, so I guess I restricted way more than I thought. I wish they had Daylight Savings all year long. I like having some light when I come home from work. I walk outside even during the winter as long as its not too cold or snowy/icy. I hate going to the community center to walk on the track. I'm not that fond of walking on my treadmill in my stripped down, moldy, smelly basement. I have to encourage my husband to spray the basement down with bleach Water now that we're down to bare exterior walls, cement floor and rafters. I've got a birthday party for my 5 year old grandson tomorrow night. I'm going to bring along a choc. shake (the party's at Chuckie Cheeses). I may cautiously try the topping off a piece of pizza. I absolutely cannot eat the crust. I pb'd on that even before this fill. Everytime I get a new fill I've got to get back to tiny bites and chew, chew, chew. I'm sure my band will remind me if I don't. Blech!. Walked an hour tonight when I got home from work. It was drizzling but I wear a cap and windbreaker with hood. The trees were gorgeous where I was walking. Lots of gold. Even in the dim light. Going to bed early again.

Way to go everyone. Goals are great. They keep us focused. Eyes on the prize. Maintenance will be the final goal. Never mastered that before.

Getting a fill tomorrow if all goes well. Down to 185 lbs. But I've been fighting the same 2 or 3 lbs all month. I want to get to 167 lbs. I'm hoping to get there by my Birthday on Dec. 30. That'll be an even 70 lb loss. I didn't gain at all during my conferences. Not all my food choices were wise. But I limited them and did quite well. That was a relief. Now I'm back teaching. I'm tired even though I had a light day. My brain is functioning really slowly. So I'm saying goodnight early. Take care everyone.

Hi. I'm 57. Got banded June 18. So far 51 lbs. Hope to make it 70 by Dec. 30, my B-day. I'm so glad to see so many new posts. I've been documenting my journey as well as dealing with all the underlying issues of food addiction in my blog. Don't have much time to post on it frequently right now but if you go back to the beginning you may find it very helpful. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Glad you're home safe.

I lost weight ahead of time, too. We all do. It makes the surgery easier. However, without the band I could never have kept the weight off much less lost a total of 50 lbs so far. I'm getting another fill on Tues. Without the fills I'd go right back to eating myself to death. Are you seeing a psychologist or psyciatrist to help you with the fear of choking? You may need to go on meds temporarily to deal with the fear until the surgery is a done deal and you are well on your way to physical health.

I'm back. I did good with sitting thru all the sessions and sectionals. I picked good ones and they held my interest. Got some inspiration and ideas. food wasn't great but I survived. Getting back on track now. I did manage to get some exercise. That helped. Julie, happy belated birthday. From all the trouble you've had I would suggest that you don't force the shoulder, take your time and be very cautious with therapy. Seems like you're ultrasensitive to being stretched and strained. Tell that to your therapist. Sometimes they want to push you too fast. Laura, hang in there. Great, glad you're doing well. I'm dealing with some parent issues, too. Mine are getting to the point where they need a closer eye. I'm the oldest and I live the closest but their idiosycrasies are getting worse with age and I don't enjoy being with them for any length of time. My mom complains about my dad all the time, and blames him for her misery but she never learned how to effectively stand up to him and plays the victim role. He's incredibly bossy and a bully in the sense that he can't stop giving advice and won't stop until she gives in. She's never learned to just ignore him, walk away, or do her own thing anyway without trying to justify it. 1 day, I'm getting back on track too. Apples, your house is incredibly neat, clean and organized. Did you say the basement floor is acid washed? I like having cheaper clothes that have flair. Exensive clothes don't seem to last any longer for me than cheap clothes. I like cotton knits. They all tend to lose their shape or get difficult stains. And they fade. I wear the ones I like a lot. I do like jewelry. Unusual pieces-not expensive. Kind of like hand-blown glass and painted glass. Some ethnic jewelry. There's a brand called Artisian that I really like. I can't afford to buy a lot, but my daughter's bought me some nice pieces. She seems to have caught on to my style. Gotta go to bed. Gotta sing at church tomorrow. Cheri

I had extraordinary compliments from my step-daughter whom I hadn't seen for a few months. Went to see my husband's granddaughter with him and my step-daughter kept saying I was beautiful, just beautiful. What a difference 50 lbs can make. Welcome to all newbies. You're going to love your band.

Sun broke out when I got home tonight and its warmer so I had a nice walk. But I'm aching. I really prefer walking in the morning, I don't hurt nearly as much as I do when I walk after work. Gotta do my laundry. Didn't get to it last night and I need it for my retreat tomorrow, my conferences Thurs. and Fri., and my retreat Friday night and Saturday. Aargh. sleeping in hotels, sitting through long presentations. I'm going to have to velcro my butt to the seat to get thru some of this. I get a fill next Tues. I can really tell I need one again. I can eat dense meats in much larger quantities and no trouble eating anything else except bread. Shopping--I'm a Kohls and thrift store shopper. I know Kohls well and they've always got deals going. I don't like thrift store shopping but I can afford it. I pretty much dislike shopping. I also hate manicures and purses. I never get my hair done. I cut and style it myself. I dislike shopping for Christmas, too. Shopping overwhelms me. Online seems like an unbelievable hassle to me. Everytime I've ever ordered something from a catelog I've ended up returning it. That's more work than I care to do. I buy one practical leather purse, as small as I can get away with, and use it till it falls apart. I only wear the most comfortable shoes, stuff like sketchers. I've never been fond of heels, pointed toes, or boots (unless they're for walking thru snow). I think it has a lot to do with ADHD. I have no patience for shopping, or watching a hairdresser butcher my hair while I'm stuck in a seat, or not doing anything for hours while waiting for a manicure that will only be good for a day to dry. Forget pedicures. Not relaxing. Make me unbelievably tense. I feel totally trapped with all those things. Feeling trapped makes me want to eat. I am also no domestic goddess. I avoid crafts like the plague. My closets overflow. I seldom cook, or entertain, or clean. I crave being outdoors. Teaching is a great occupation for me because I don't have to sit still and I'm constantly changing what I'm doing. food helps me sit and get through stuff. It quite literally drugs me. I've got 4 days of sitting ahead of me and I've got to try to do it without food. My band is no longer providing much restriction. So this will not be easy--4 days of sitting. I'd actually rather be teaching.

Got to get some wash done for my three nights away from home. I've also got to do a little editing and condensing of the Thanksgiving appeals letter going out for Roseland Christian School. I often work with the development director and am on the promotions committee, so I get to play my idea factory role and use my writing and editing skills. I like the change from teaching. Great--did you really want to go to that dinner anyway? I know it hurts not to be given the choice, but I bet you'd have been miserable. Julie, glad you're feeling better. Food's better today. Weather was gorgeous but had a meeting after school I had to go to. I told them after 3 weeks of horrible weather they should have canceled the meeting due to good weather. I am not looking forward to 4 days of lectures and meetings stuck indoors in what might be one of the last good weather weeks till spring. My ADHD goes nuts and my food tends to follow. I may skip a lot of meetings and go on walks instead. I'll be in some beautiful areas. Even tho its dark out I think I might go for a 20 -30 minute walk on the main streets. It's relatively warm compared to the last 3 weeks. Gotta go. Take care of yourselves.

Some of your nerves have been cut or damaged by the surgery. As feeling returns you get some wierd sensations. Some areas will be semi-numb but the Patches will get smaller. Laura, remember to take care of yourself, too. Had a wierd few days food wise. Getting it back together. I think I was so concentrated on getting to my reunions that afterwards I needed a break from concentrating so hard on eating right. One thing. Can't have Halloween candy in the house. Going to a retreat Weds., and a convention Thurs and Fri, and another retreat Friday night and Saturday. Food will be featured. I'm just going to do the best I can. Three nights away from home. Weather is supposed to be nice this week. Today was beautiful., We had weeks of rain and cold and that didn't help with the food either. It was hard on my joints, all that rain and cold moisture. I managed to exercise but it left me achy. Gotta get back in the saddle. Cheri

Ell, everyone's Dr. is a little different. One thing about these Dr.s is that very few of them have actually experienced food addiction. I balanced what my Dr.s nutritionist told me to do with what I know about myself and my addiction. Rigid adherance to any highly regimented restricted diet has always backfired on me. But when I find myself getting off track repeatedly without planning for it, then I get back to the basics until I've got a handle on the food again. You have to find your own way. Most of us started with exactly what our Dr.s said. Then we read what others do and tested things and found what worked for us. None of us does exactly what other people do. Most of us have found that too much rigidity backfires. You'll find your way.

Apples, you're beautiful. Laura, we love you. You will get through this. Great, sabotage often disguises itself as love when people are toxic. I always tell the children I'm teaching that when they point a finger at someone else there are 3 fingers pointing back at them. I also tell them that what goes around comes around. I find them quoting that back to me. I see resilient children, loving children, children who may never be academic geniuses but they choose love. That's what makes for successful people. You are a successful person because you choose to fill your life with love. How sad that your mother and sisters don't. Don't know if you're a Harry Potter fan, but what saves Harry, over and over again, is his ability to love and be loved. It's what makes him different from Voldemort. We are all resilient. We have chosen the band to extend the length and the quality of our lives. We are willing to do the work and make the sacrifices. We love and support each other. We are creating a loving, safe environment for those who've struggle with food addiction and have been banded. There are always going to be unsafe people out there and sometimes they're relatives. Mine was my ex-husband and sometimes my children. I have one son I limit my contact with. I protect myself. So that I can love and be loved. Love you all. Cheri

I'm with Phyll. There's a lot you can eat. You have to experiment. On special occasions I eat differently. I still limit but may use slider food. I enjoy the food and get back to a more restricted protocol the next day. If I know I'm going to something special I only have 2 protein drinks that day. Every once in a while I have a day where I'm craving something. Sometimes I just have it. As long as I get back on the horse there are no lasting effects. I've lost 50 and have 20 to go. I have another fill on the 27th. But I still have a lot of restriction when I stick to the denser proteins. My problem is at night when I haven't that much restriction. But I'm making it. Feeling better and being healthier is wonderful.

Total zombie from sitting thru so many presentations. Good speaker this morning though. He talked about how resilient people do much better in life. They also live longer. Children with learning disabilities do better if they develop resilience. They need what he calls a "charasmatic" adult in their lives. Someone who believes in them, builds a relationship with them, and works with them to make them acheive success. Inspiring. Kind of what we do for each other on this thread.

Sunday, October 11, 2009 Celebration! Fun Without Fighting Fat and Food! Went to 125th Anniversary celebration of Roseland Christian School yesterday. Sang in the gospel choir and led the congregation in a song as an alto in a women's trio. Great speaker, great music. The 5th grade girls did a praise dance that was beautiful. I had to wear a black bottom and bright top for the choir. I wore form fitting low rise charcoal pants and a form fitting sweet-heart necked top. I couldn't believe it fit and I looked good. I had to wear an old strapless bra I never thought I'd fit in again. Then I went straight to my 40th class reunion. Fun in a different sort of way. However, hardly anybody I ever hung out with was there. I was not exactly Miss Popularity back in high school. However, three people I'm friends with on Facebook (though I never hung out with them in high school) did come up and mention how much they enjoy my blog. One of them is having LAP-BAND®® himself in December. His wife had a band which had to be removed and now she has a sleeve. She looked great. Like me, it was only 70 lbs but it was killing her emotionally as well as physically. I did my 2 protein shakes and nothing else so that I could eat normally at the banquet. By which I do not mean I ate the way I used to. But I ate some of everything served that I liked and went ahead and drank punch, water, and coffee while I ate, took tiny bites, and thoroughly enjoyed my food. No weight gain this morning so I must have done well. However, I will walk again today (once it warms up, brrrr) and will really watch my food as well. I'm going to tell the Dr. on my next fill that I want it filled to point where the food squeaks on its way through. I have no desire to ever go back to the old me. Celebration! What fun when you're not fighting fat and food!

Sunday, October 11, 2009 Celebration! Fun Without Fighting Fat and Food! Went to 125th Anniversary celebration of Roseland Christian School yesterday. Sang in the gospel choir and led the congregation in a song as an alto in a women's trio. Great speaker, great music. The 5th grade girls did a praise dance that was beautiful. I had to wear a black bottom and bright top for the choir. I wore form fitting low rise charcoal pants and a form fitting sweet-heart necked top. I couldn't believe it fit and I looked good. I had to wear an old strapless bra I never thought I'd fit in again. Then I went straight to my 40th class reunion. Fun in a different sort of way. However, hardly anybody I ever hung out with was there. I was not exactly Miss Popularity back in high school. However, three people I'm friends with on Facebook (though I never hung out with them in high school) did come up and mention how much they enjoy my blog. One of them is having LAP-BAND®® himself in December. His wife had a band which had to be removed and now she has a sleeve. She looked great. Like me, it was only 70 lbs but it was killing her emotionally as well as physically. I did my 2 protein shakes and nothing else so that I could eat normally at the banquet. By which I do not mean I ate the way I used to. But I ate some of everything served that I liked and went ahead and drank punch, water, and coffee while I ate, took tiny bites, and thoroughly enjoyed my food. No weight gain this morning so I must have done well. However, I will walk again today (once it warms up, brrrr) and will really watch my food as well. I'm going to tell the Dr. on my next fill that I want it filled to point where the food squeaks on its way through. I have no desire to ever go back to the old me. Celebration! What fun when you're not fighting fat and food!

Friday, October 9, 2009 Taking the Good with the Bad I spent a lot of time this week feeling somewhat depressed. That's the bad news. The good news is I didn't eat. In fact I'm down to a 50 lb. weight loss. Twenty to go. I still have some restriction, as long as I follow the food protocol. I have my protein shake in the morning, usually 3oz of tuna or chicken for lunch, and various meats and a veggie for supper. I have a Kashie bar (choc. and cherry) for a snack at night. Sometimes I have applesauce and/or a small V8 for an afternoon snack. If there's a treat at school I take a small portion. I seem to have a special event almost every weekend and I eat 2 protein shakes that day and go ahead and eat everything at the event. I just don't pig out. I'm walking as much as the weather permits. I'm going to have to clean off the treadmill which currently is full of cement and other dust down in our stripped to bare bones, newly drain-tiled basement. I can't say I'm looking forword to walking on it when the weather gets even worse, but it's cheap excercise. The depression was caused by news about the financial condition of Roseland Christian School. The other teachers are depressed over the expansion of their responsibilities in order to help the school financially. The school board is depressed because previous boards allowed the mess to happen and now they have to clean it up. I think its doable and I'm working with the promotions committee to bring in the financial support we need. The school does great work with the kids. Seven or eight blocks from the school a young man was recently beaten to death, which made a change from all the children shot to death, and therefore made the news all over the world. RCS gives kids a safe environment, an excellent education, and a Christian foundation that gives them hope and stability and a good chance to make a better life for themselves that doesn't involve violence. I have kids who've shown me scars of bullet wounds they received as young children in drivebys. I have students who have fathers shot dead or in prison. I have students who were born crack addicted. I have students whose parents are dead because of poverty--poor access to timely health care. I have students whose instincts and brain development have been geared to survival, and not to academics. I work hard to make my room a safe, loving, nurturing environment, where students can make progress academically, discover their strengths, and begin to visualize a future that goes beyond mere survival. So do the other teachers at Roseland. Pray for us, support us. Tomorrow we have our final celebration of our 125th year. It's a worship service at a church near Roseland. I'm singing in the gospel choir and in a trio. Then I'm going to my 40th high school reunion at a Christian high school a half hour's journey from where I teach. It will be like traveling from one country to another. I expect to experience culture shock walking back into my all Dutch highly traditional conservative roots. I walk between two worlds, each with their strengths and weaknesses, not really belonging to either one of them. This makes it very difficult to form deep, lasting friendships. This is partly caused by my ADHD, as I let slip things better left unsaid, or I avoid deep friendship in order to avoid saying things that might be hurtful or misinterpreted. I've always had to fight recurring bouts of foot-in-mouth disease. But I will open my mouth and fight for my kids, my Roseland kids. I love them fiercely. During the time I have them, they become my kids. I pour myself into teaching them, guiding them, seeking to improve the school environment and the academic skills and materials available to all the teachers teaching them, and to use my writing and storytelling skills to help bring in fianancial support. I don't have a whole lot of time for much else besides seeing my own chidren and grandchildren. Singing in the church choir spiritually sustains me. My husband and I try to do some fun things together that don't cost much on weekends. But Roseland Christian School has become my cause, my passion. Please pray that I will still find myself working there next year and in the years to come.

Friday, October 9, 2009 Taking the Good with the Bad I spent a lot of time this week feeling somewhat depressed. That's the bad news. The good news is I didn't eat. In fact I'm down to a 50 lb. weight loss. Twenty to go. I still have some restriction, as long as I follow the food protocol. I have my protein shake in the morning, usually 3oz of tuna or chicken for lunch, and various meats and a veggie for supper. I have a Kashie bar (choc. and cherry) for a snack at night. Sometimes I have applesauce and/or a small V8 for an afternoon snack. If there's a treat at school I take a small portion. I seem to have a special event almost every weekend and I eat 2 protein shakes that day and go ahead and eat everything at the event. I just don't pig out. I'm walking as much as the weather permits. I'm going to have to clean off the treadmill which currently is full of cement and other dust down in our stripped to bare bones, newly drain-tiled basement. I can't say I'm looking forword to walking on it when the weather gets even worse, but it's cheap excercise. The depression was caused by news about the financial condition of Roseland Christian School. The other teachers are depressed over the expansion of their responsibilities in order to help the school financially. The school board is depressed because previous boards allowed the mess to happen and now they have to clean it up. I think its doable and I'm working with the promotions committee to bring in the financial support we need. The school does great work with the kids. Seven or eight blocks from the school a young man was recently beaten to death, which made a change from all the children shot to death, and therefore made the news all over the world. RCS gives kids a safe environment, an excellent education, and a Christian foundation that gives them hope and stability and a good chance to make a better life for themselves that doesn't involve violence. I have kids who've shown me scars of bullet wounds they received as young children in drivebys. I have students who have fathers shot dead or in prison. I have students who were born crack addicted. I have students whose parents are dead because of poverty--poor access to timely health care. I have students whose instincts and brain development have been geared to survival, and not to academics. I work hard to make my room a safe, loving, nurturing environment, where students can make progress academically, discover their strengths, and begin to visualize a future that goes beyond mere survival. So do the other teachers at Roseland. Pray for us, support us. Tomorrow we have our final celebration of our 125th year. It's a worship service at a church near Roseland. I'm singing in the gospel choir and in a trio. Then I'm going to my 40th high school reunion at a Christian high school a half hour's journey from where I teach. It will be like traveling from one country to another. I expect to experience culture shock walking back into my all Dutch highly traditional conservative roots. I walk between two worlds, each with their strengths and weaknesses, not really belonging to either one of them. This makes it very difficult to form deep, lasting friendships. This is partly caused by my ADHD, as I let slip things better left unsaid, or I avoid deep friendship in order to avoid saying things that might be hurtful or misinterpreted. I've always had to fight recurring bouts of foot-in-mouth disease. But I will open my mouth and fight for my kids, my Roseland kids. I love them fiercely. During the time I have them, they become my kids. I pour myself into teaching them, guiding them, seeking to improve the school environment and the academic skills and materials available to all the teachers teaching them, and to use my writing and storytelling skills to help bring in fianancial support. I don't have a whole lot of time for much else besides seeing my own chidren and grandchildren. Singing in the church choir spiritually sustains me. My husband and I try to do some fun things together that don't cost much on weekends. But Roseland Christian School has become my cause, my passion. Please pray that I will still find myself working there next year and in the years to come.

You guys are scaring me with all the stories about the band. What are the figures on people who never have problems?

Was at a conference all day and will be tomorrow again. Was in the neighborhood of my sister and went with her this evening to watch my niece play volleyball. She was the caboose in the family and still has young kids. I get along well with my sisters and brothers. We all get along because we choose to. We also choose not to take offense or believe things are deliberate. We have occasional issues with our parents but they're not deliberately mean, just annoying, like older people can get. I'm sorry for those of you who haven't experienced that. Apples, would your relatives even recognize you with you so skinny? Do you think they're on lapbandtalk? Stay safe. Laura-hang in there girl. Great-a nice skirt perhaps? newcomers and returners, welcome. have to say I'm completely incapable of keeping a food journal. has to do with being ADHD. Doing it makes me crazy and drives me into the food. Not everyone is alike. You need to decide what works for you. For most, a food journal is a great idea.