ifyourstomachoffendsyou

Julie, so glad you brought us up to date. Sounds like your regular Dr. has your best interests at heart and a sense of humor. You've hung in there thus far--you can make it to 12/7. Also, you will not be triggering it again with PT and you're usually improving after a few days. But if the pain goes away, don't let that stop you from pursuing the pain management. If gentle manipulation of your shoulder can cause such severe pain, you will be dealing with this again, PT or not. Spent time with my granddaughter Skylar today. What a precious imp. 3 yrs. Very articulate. Getting a kick out of my daughter. She's offered to have Thanksgiving in my absence. So now I have to give her all my special instructions so she can do it just like me. One of the things my family does agree on is that I make the best Turkey and stuffing. I have to deliver my Turkey roaster pan and steam cooker to her after school tomorrow. I'm leaving Weds for Tennessee and returning on Sunday. Will probably not be posting during those times. Lost another lb or 2. I may actually reach goal when I want to. By the way, posted a few times on my blog. If you newbies check it out, you can go back to the beginning of the blog to see what it was like for me at the beginning of my journey. I deal with a lot of the food and emotional issues that go with food addiction. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Saturday, November 21, 2009 Food, Fat, Focus, Falls, Finances, and Floods Lost 2 more lbs. I'm at 178 lbs, 11 lbs from goal. I just bought a few tops that are size large. I'm aftraid by the time I reach goal they may be too loose. I bought a pair of jeans that are low cut in a size 12. They fit my butt and thighs really nice but now they're a little loose. I'm hoping they all shrink in the wash. I'm going to end up having to buy more clothes if they don't shrink. I'm going to pick up some pants my sister-in-law sent me that are size 14's. She lost weight and most pants that fit me now are 14's. The size 12 jeans only fit because they're so low cut and all the walking has really trimmed my butt and thighs Its somewhat disconcerting to see my change in shape. I don't mean the weight loss. I mean that since the last time I was thin, my shape has changed. The combination of having had a hysterectomy and age makes you thicken at the waist and more weight goes on the upper abdomen. Makes getting pants that fit and flatter difficult. I've started doing crunches on an abcruncher my husband picked up at a garage sale. We'll see if that helps reshape me a little. I did a hundred crunchesthis morning. I'm still scared about maintenance. It's getting closer everyday. I've lost so many times in the past but could never maintain. It's the loss of focus once I reach goal that's part of the problem. This is a disease that will never leave me. It will never leave me alone. I'm really praying that the band will make the difference between this time and all the other times I've lost weight. I feel so good and have so much energy. I'm really afraid of injury, especially injury from falling. In the past, injury has really sabotaged my maintenance. Herniated discs have been a major contributor. Severe unrelenting pain, the inability to move freely, bad neck, bad back, bad knees, bad shoulders, all these things have sabotaged me in the past. As I get back in shape I have to be very careful not to injure myself. But if I do, I now have a band to tide me over through physical recovery and keep me from comforting myself and medicating my pain with food. My basement is not smelling nearly as much and that is a mood lifter for me. Repairing the damage after all the flooding has been almost beyond my ability to comprehend. Now that the drain tiles are in, I think the walls may be drying out for the first time in a long time. My husband is preparing the basement so he can spray it to kill the remaining mold on all surfaces. Then I'm going to get an electrician in to take all the extra BX that was put in and organize it into straight bundles that run along the main beam and then branch out to the light fixtures. Once all the electric and waterpipes are secure and neat we can spray paint the rafters of the basement and all the pipes will be painted and will be less visible. After that we'll tackle the floor. It will need some scraping and perhaps some fresh concrete in certain areas. Then we'll spray paint that. Hopefully, by next summer we can put up insulation behind the wooden framework we left up and drywall over that. We need a new toilet and shower and sink and cabinets (not to mention walls) in the bathroom, and then we'll be in business. I also hope to put in a new roof and fix its leak in the spring. My husband is going for training as a security guard and already has an offer of employment at a factory. If I still have a job next fall that is, then the extra money will help us get this place where I'll either be a lot happier living here, or I'll sell it and downsize. Those are my plans and I can at least see an end to my house problems. There are also car problems as both our cars are aging and neither one of us is good with cars. We are very easily ripped off by mechanics. Just had a $300 repair on a car and I really needed new glasses. My insurance for glasses is very poor and I absolutely need progressives so with the eye exam, that was another $500. It never ends. Thank God my husband has stepped up to the plate. The past 5 years his employment has been spotty and low-paying until he finally went on social security at 62. Don't let anyone tell you there's no age discrimination in this country. Security jobs are available to older men and pay $12-18/hr. He can supplement his social security or go full time for benefits if by next fall I have no job. I am so aware that unforseen events can completely sabotage all these plans and that God may have a different idea in mind, but it helps me psychologically to have a plan and to see an end to this particular set of troubles. Looking that far ahead is difficult, but keeping in mind that, with God's help, we can get through these financial difficulties, is what sustains me. Meanwhile I keep working on remaining content, knowing that I can do (or get through) all things through him that strengthens me--food, falls, finances, and floods.

Saturday, November 21, 2009 Food, Fat, Focus, Falls, Finances, and Floods Lost 2 more lbs. I'm at 178 lbs, 11 lbs from goal. I just bought a few tops that are size large. I'm aftraid by the time I reach goal they may be too loose. I bought a pair of jeans that are low cut in a size 12. They fit my butt and thighs really nice but now they're a little loose. I'm hoping they all shrink in the wash. I'm going to end up having to buy more clothes if they don't shrink. I'm going to pick up some pants my sister-in-law sent me that are size 14's. She lost weight and most pants that fit me now are 14's. The size 12 jeans only fit because they're so low cut and all the walking has really trimmed my butt and thighs Its somewhat disconcerting to see my change in shape. I don't mean the weight loss. I mean that since the last time I was thin, my shape has changed. The combination of having had a hysterectomy and age makes you thicken at the waist and more weight goes on the upper abdomen. Makes getting pants that fit and flatter difficult. I've started doing crunches on an abcruncher my husband picked up at a garage sale. We'll see if that helps reshape me a little. I did a hundred crunchesthis morning. I'm still scared about maintenance. It's getting closer everyday. I've lost so many times in the past but could never maintain. It's the loss of focus once I reach goal that's part of the problem. This is a disease that will never leave me. It will never leave me alone. I'm really praying that the band will make the difference between this time and all the other times I've lost weight. I feel so good and have so much energy. I'm really afraid of injury, especially injury from falling. In the past, injury has really sabotaged my maintenance. Herniated discs have been a major contributor. Severe unrelenting pain, the inability to move freely, bad neck, bad back, bad knees, bad shoulders, all these things have sabotaged me in the past. As I get back in shape I have to be very careful not to injure myself. But if I do, I now have a band to tide me over through physical recovery and keep me from comforting myself and medicating my pain with food. My basement is not smelling nearly as much and that is a mood lifter for me. Repairing the damage after all the flooding has been almost beyond my ability to comprehend. Now that the drain tiles are in, I think the walls may be drying out for the first time in a long time. My husband is preparing the basement so he can spray it to kill the remaining mold on all surfaces. Then I'm going to get an electrician in to take all the extra BX that was put in and organize it into straight bundles that run along the main beam and then branch out to the light fixtures. Once all the electric and waterpipes are secure and neat we can spray paint the rafters of the basement and all the pipes will be painted and will be less visible. After that we'll tackle the floor. It will need some scraping and perhaps some fresh concrete in certain areas. Then we'll spray paint that. Hopefully, by next summer we can put up insulation behind the wooden framework we left up and drywall over that. We need a new toilet and shower and sink and cabinets (not to mention walls) in the bathroom, and then we'll be in business. I also hope to put in a new roof and fix its leak in the spring. My husband is going for training as a security guard and already has an offer of employment at a factory. If I still have a job next fall that is, then the extra money will help us get this place where I'll either be a lot happier living here, or I'll sell it and downsize. Those are my plans and I can at least see an end to my house problems. There are also car problems as both our cars are aging and neither one of us is good with cars. We are very easily ripped off by mechanics. Just had a $300 repair on a car and I really needed new glasses. My insurance for glasses is very poor and I absolutely need progressives so with the eye exam, that was another $500. It never ends. Thank God my husband has stepped up to the plate. The past 5 years his employment has been spotty and low-paying until he finally went on social security at 62. Don't let anyone tell you there's no age discrimination in this country. Security jobs are available to older men and pay $12-18/hr. He can supplement his social security or go full time for benefits if by next fall I have no job. I am so aware that unforseen events can completely sabotage all these plans and that God may have a different idea in mind, but it helps me psychologically to have a plan and to see an end to this particular set of troubles. Looking that far ahead is difficult, but keeping in mind that, with God's help, we can get through these financial difficulties, is what sustains me. Meanwhile I keep working on remaining content, knowing that I can do (or get through) all things through him that strengthens me--food, falls, finances, and floods.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 Focus and Food I'm sick of Facebook, Mafia Wars, Farmtown, e-mail, etc. They were great for a long time because they kept me busy instead of eating. But they've lost their ability to hold my attention. All my creative energy and attention are going into my teaching. I come home and I want to do something fun, but there's nothing fun to do. TV shows can start out interesting but eventually I lose interest. The characters start behaving so foolishly and sabotaging themselves so badly I can't deep watching. I lose interest. The plots become thinner. They follow the same basic pattern each time. It would be interesting to see House figure out what's wrong with someone right away, but then I guess there'd be no suspense. The undermining power of ADHD when it comes to sustaining attention to something I'm really interested in or devoted to or need to stick with is unbelievable. I'm struggling to keep posting because I can't focus on it anymore. But I also want to stay focused not just on continuing to lose, but on maintenance, and it scares me that, once again, as in my past, I'll lose my focus and I won't be able to maintain. I am down to 180. My 16 pants and XL shirts are getting pretty loose on me. I actually purchased a size 12 pair of jeans that fit me. I've got 13 lbs to goal. The weight is dropping slower. Sometimes I can feel my band limiting me and sometimes I can't.On the other hand I'm walking for an hour almost every day and I figure I'm covering at least 3 miles, closer to 4. Tonight I had some Long John Silver's fish and chicken. Removed most of the breading. Didn't taste too good without it and I pb'd a little. Wasn't much meat left under the breading. I was quickly hungry later. I hate it when the food I eat doesn't satisfy me physically or tastefully. I hate to waste the little I eat on unsatisfying food. I've been posting on FB almost every day the things I'm thankful for. I think its helping with my food. Its the idea of a gratitude list. Where your focus is, there your mind and body will follow. I'm also learning choir music and listening to that to and from work. I'm singing every other Sunday and so have wonderful songs going through my head day and night. (I wake up with music going through my head and it keeps playing through my head throughout the day. I'm going to my sister's for Thanksgiving. She lives in Tennessee. Even in November it's beautiful around her house. All the hills and vistas. Her home is also beautiful and very peaceful. I'm actually not going to be with any family other than hers. I think I've only ever been to her house once without my kids or my parents or even more extended family. I'm trying to start to fill my life with things that make me feel good. I actually am taking a personal day to travel to Tennessee. I've joined a new community group at church that I'm finding quite stimulating. I'm working extra time at work because I really do love teaching kids. There are so many things I'm not good at. But I am good at teaching kids. I go into a different zone when I'm teaching. I'm focused, hyperfocused really, on getting into that child's brain and getting them to understand and remember what I'm trying to teach them. When I'm teaching I don't think about food. That tells me whenever I'm focused on a task I love, when I'm doing things that take care of me and make me happy, my cravings go way down. Walking as soon as I get home from work makes me feel good. And the endorphins it releases tend to help me get through the night without overeating or craving. If I go back to school next semester that will also give me brain stimulation. I've always loved listening to really good professors. I like the give and take of the classroom. I hate reading textbooks. I'm not sure I have the eyes or the focus for that anymore. I don't mind writing papers but I hate research, bibliographies and footnotes, though I've been told you can find programs on the internet that will put them together for you. I'm great at original thinking but I hate cobbling together other people's research to support what I'm saying. I read about studies, I don't read studies. If you've ever struggled through a research study you'll know what I'm talking about. Most boring reading in the world. As usual, procrastination is keeping me from exploring and enrolling for next semester. I have all kinds of trouble actually believing I might not be teaching at Roseland next year. I'm so good at what I do. My room is set up so perfectly. I work so well with my assistant. She does everything I hate doing and am not good at. I'm left free to do what I do so well. Teach. I've built a relationship over time with so many of my students. It's part of what makes me so effective with them. Everytime a child "gets" it, I feel so good. That usually only happens over time. And I've had years of time with most of these kids. I really love my job. The thought of losing it makes me even more aware of how much I love it. Yes it can be stressful, but its good stress. There are always challenges that trigger my creativity and when I'm creative, I focus and I'm happy. And that helps me not eat. Lord, Roseland needs you, I need you, I need my students, they need me. Please work it out. But if there's another plan you have for me, make me ready. Give me a clue. Use my gifts, and my weaknesses to do your will.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 Focus and Food I'm sick of Facebook, Mafia Wars, Farmtown, e-mail, etc. They were great for a long time because they kept me busy instead of eating. But they've lost their ability to hold my attention. All my creative energy and attention are going into my teaching. I come home and I want to do something fun, but there's nothing fun to do. TV shows can start out interesting but eventually I lose interest. The characters start behaving so foolishly and sabotaging themselves so badly I can't deep watching. I lose interest. The plots become thinner. They follow the same basic pattern each time. It would be interesting to see House figure out what's wrong with someone right away, but then I guess there'd be no suspense. The undermining power of ADHD when it comes to sustaining attention to something I'm really interested in or devoted to or need to stick with is unbelievable. I'm struggling to keep posting because I can't focus on it anymore. But I also want to stay focused not just on continuing to lose, but on maintenance, and it scares me that, once again, as in my past, I'll lose my focus and I won't be able to maintain. I am down to 180. My 16 pants and XL shirts are getting pretty loose on me. I actually purchased a size 12 pair of jeans that fit me. I've got 13 lbs to goal. The weight is dropping slower. Sometimes I can feel my band limiting me and sometimes I can't.On the other hand I'm walking for an hour almost every day and I figure I'm covering at least 3 miles, closer to 4. Tonight I had some Long John Silver's fish and chicken. Removed most of the breading. Didn't taste too good without it and I pb'd a little. Wasn't much meat left under the breading. I was quickly hungry later. I hate it when the food I eat doesn't satisfy me physically or tastefully. I hate to waste the little I eat on unsatisfying food. I've been posting on FB almost every day the things I'm thankful for. I think its helping with my food. Its the idea of a gratitude list. Where your focus is, there your mind and body will follow. I'm also learning choir music and listening to that to and from work. I'm singing every other Sunday and so have wonderful songs going through my head day and night. (I wake up with music going through my head and it keeps playing through my head throughout the day. I'm going to my sister's for Thanksgiving. She lives in Tennessee. Even in November it's beautiful around her house. All the hills and vistas. Her home is also beautiful and very peaceful. I'm actually not going to be with any family other than hers. I think I've only ever been to her house once without my kids or my parents or even more extended family. I'm trying to start to fill my life with things that make me feel good. I actually am taking a personal day to travel to Tennessee. I've joined a new community group at church that I'm finding quite stimulating. I'm working extra time at work because I really do love teaching kids. There are so many things I'm not good at. But I am good at teaching kids. I go into a different zone when I'm teaching. I'm focused, hyperfocused really, on getting into that child's brain and getting them to understand and remember what I'm trying to teach them. When I'm teaching I don't think about food. That tells me whenever I'm focused on a task I love, when I'm doing things that take care of me and make me happy, my cravings go way down. Walking as soon as I get home from work makes me feel good. And the endorphins it releases tend to help me get through the night without overeating or craving. If I go back to school next semester that will also give me brain stimulation. I've always loved listening to really good professors. I like the give and take of the classroom. I hate reading textbooks. I'm not sure I have the eyes or the focus for that anymore. I don't mind writing papers but I hate research, bibliographies and footnotes, though I've been told you can find programs on the internet that will put them together for you. I'm great at original thinking but I hate cobbling together other people's research to support what I'm saying. I read about studies, I don't read studies. If you've ever struggled through a research study you'll know what I'm talking about. Most boring reading in the world. As usual, procrastination is keeping me from exploring and enrolling for next semester. I have all kinds of trouble actually believing I might not be teaching at Roseland next year. I'm so good at what I do. My room is set up so perfectly. I work so well with my assistant. She does everything I hate doing and am not good at. I'm left free to do what I do so well. Teach. I've built a relationship over time with so many of my students. It's part of what makes me so effective with them. Everytime a child "gets" it, I feel so good. That usually only happens over time. And I've had years of time with most of these kids. I really love my job. The thought of losing it makes me even more aware of how much I love it. Yes it can be stressful, but its good stress. There are always challenges that trigger my creativity and when I'm creative, I focus and I'm happy. And that helps me not eat. Lord, Roseland needs you, I need you, I need my students, they need me. Please work it out. But if there's another plan you have for me, make me ready. Give me a clue. Use my gifts, and my weaknesses to do your will.

Tried some Long John SIlver's fish and chicken. Peeled off most of the fried coating but still had trouble with tightness. Not much meat left under all that breading. Now I'm hungry. And exasperated. I hate wasting the little I can eat on something that doesn't satisfy me physically or taste-wise. I'll have my Kashi bar and something to drink and hope that does it for the night. My Dr. had me not drink for half an hour before as well as half an hour after a meal. Shoppers have a great time. Laura are you OK? Julie? Anyone else lurking?

I was determined to heal right and not cause myself any problems with my band. I also wanted to use the liquid and mushie diet as a time to continue the fast weight loss I'd started with the pre-op diet. Then I hung on by my fingernails and continued to slowly lose weight till my first fill. First fill did nothing so continued hanging on and got another one 2 weeks later which did the trick. I've had one more fill and I think I'm going to try to get another one before Christmas. For those new, I've lost 57 lbs on my goal of 70 lbs. I was banded June 18. Follow the advice given here, ask for God's help, blog or journal your food issues (not just your food). When you blow it (and you will) get right back on the horse. Make sure you follow up and get your fills. Don't be afraid to pb(productive burp or puke back). The band is your friend. It will let you know when you're off track. This is a journey and mine's not going to end till I die. But I don't want to die of obesity related diseases. Suicide by food. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, go to whatever lengths, to recover from this addiction.

I don't pb on any meats as long as I take very small bites and chew very slowly and swallow very small amounts. I take a longer time to eat my food now. I've lost a few lbs since my fill so am not nearly as tight. Also seems like if I don't want to pb all I have to do is lose some more weight, the band loosens, especially at night, and eventually I need another fill. I have to stick to mostly dense, relatively dry protein to make the band work. Too much moisture or grease in the meat and it turns into just another slider that I can eat and eat and eat. Man, I hate falls. I'm petrified of falling with all my osteoarthritis. Falls have ended up with me needing surgeries and injections and weight gain out of sheer misery. I never wear heals, I'm extemely careful under icy conditions and wear the most grippy shoes I can during the winter. Everyone be very careful. 13 more lbs to goal as of this morning. Food's really good right now. I'm working the band and it works if you work it. Cheri

Hair coloring. I also have a lot of light grey. I use a glaze by John Frieda that I put in my hair as a leave-in conditioner called Sheer Blonde. Its the honey to caramel shade. Its meant to brighten natural blondes and bottle blondes between colorings but I tried it to see if it would color the grey and it does. It puts just enough gold in my silver to make it varied shades of blonde. I never have roots and I have some darker brown hairs woven through and underneath it. The overall effect is quite natural. And no chemicals. It takes a few weeks for the hair to absorb and build up the color. Apples I'm sorry for your loss. You need the downtime to grieve but I'm glad you're taking breaks and making yourself get out and do things. I'm practically race-walking now and I suspect I'm covering close to four miles in an hour. Still walking outside as soon as I get home from work. I'm going to hate having to switch to my treadmill or go to the community center to walk on their track. Finally dropped a pound. Can't wait to go to my sister's house in Tennessee for Thanksgiving. For the first time in years I'm actually taking a personal day. I'm not making the Thanksgiving turkey. I just have to teach my daughter how to do it since she's having everyone over in my absence. Julie, I'm wondering if there's a pain med you could take before PT that would prevent the severe aftereffects. TTYL CHeri

Hi everyone. I'm within 13 or 14 lbs of goal and my weight loss is slowing. I am getting comments about looking not just beautiful but sexy, and my husband told me I'm walking with some 'tude. LOL. I'm also walking at least 3 miles in an hour almost each day. Blood pressure is 110 over 168. I can climb up 47 steps at work without getting winded. I'm down to size 14 pants and a size L top. I was a size 20 and 2X. I'm down from 237 to 181. At 5'9" and 57 yrs old I look and feel normal. All of you can do it. Follow the food protocol. Get advice on this and other threads. Journal or start a blog to deal with all related issues. Cheri

I went on Wellbutrin which can actually initially help with weight loss and is known to be good for ADHD. PT really seems to be source of your pain. Does your therapist know the kind of pain you're being put in or are you not standing up for yourself in this area? Man, that is just too wierd. I guess better safe than sorry. I guess if there can be false positives, there can be false negatives. Have a funny teaching story. One of my eighth grade boys has started wearing his uniform pants extra baggy without a belt--trying to be cool--but docker style black pants just don't translate to hip-hop. Well not only were they already in a precarious state, he lost the button on the waistband. He was fiddling with the pants and fiddling and I finally offered to get him a safety pin. He agreed but didn't understand what I meant when I told him to overlap the waistband and he'd never used a safety pin and had no idea how to manipulate it. He kept looking at me helplessly and I kept holding up my hands and telling him "I'm not going there." Finally one of the other boys said, "Mrs. Flory you've got to help him." So I told him to hike the pants up as high as he could (since they were so big) and then watched him flinch as I pinned the waistband back together. Stepped back and said, "OK. You're all witnesses." Pretty funny. Hopfully he'll start wearing a belt. Sometimes I have to just be a mom with these kids. Except I did teach him the meaning of overlap and showed him how to use a safety pin. Sometimes being a mom and a teacher aren't too different.

I realized you kept eating after the pb, but I still suspect if you didn't pb you'd have eaten even more because you didn't have the warning to slow down. That's what happens to me when I get first bite syndrome. I slow way down and eat cautiously and stop when I think I might be going to pb again. I'm struggling with food too, off and on. My weight loss has slowed down. I was losing 2-3 lbs a week. Now I'm struggling to lose a lb a week. All the walking is making me hungry, too. I'm not gaining. In some ways I think with only 13-14 lbs to lose to reach goal my body is saying slow down. But I am having a lot of cravings. I do eat some sliders and sweet things but I try to cut back portions of regular food and exercise more then get back on track. Whats bothering me is I go for days eating right and barely lose. I know I'll have the 10 lbs by the January date but I really was hoping to be at goal by Dec. 30. Well, we'll see. Meanwhile, I had so many compliments at church Sunday it was embarrassing. One woman told me that not only was I more beautiful than ever, I was sexy. My husband told me that was true in an Uma Thurman sort of way. He said I was sort of slinky and was starting to walk with a certain amount of 'tude. People think I'm losing more than I am. I think its all the walking. Also my new clothes are very flattering.

My goal is 167, I'm at 181 and I'm having trouble losing the way I did. I'm so close but the pounds are not dropping. Part of it is I'm exercising so much I'm hungry. I think I need another fill. I do pb sometimes but its often first bite and I just wait it out and then I can eat. I also just plain crave sweets and sometimes I give in. I'm almost afraid to reach goal because I'm scared of the maintenance phase. That's always when my cravings took over. Cheri

How blessed you are that you pb on ice cream. You'd probably eat even more if it weren't for the band. I also do Atkins shakes for breakfast. I'm not a breakfast eater and I don't have time to eat something really slowly since I'm so tight in the morning. The Atkins shake gets me off to a really good start. I don't keep any of the other stuff in the house because if its there I can't stop eating it. I don't keep it at school where I teach either. I eat in my classroom and just have a can of tuna or a can of chicken. I'm home by a little before 5 and I walk for an hour, then eat supper--usually mostly protein so I don't even trigger the carb craving. I either finish the meal with a Kashi bar with a little bit of chocolate in it or I eat the bar later. Then I keep drinking decaf coffee with milk and Splenda in it. That keeps my taste buds satisfied. I drink a lot of those all days long to keep my sweet tooth at bay. I know its a terrible struggle. I try to stay busy to keep me from eating and I try not to go places where there's food or have it around me. I wish the band made me pb on slider food and sweets but it doesn't. But at least it keeps me from eating too much of everything else and as long as I stick to high protein it helps me keep the pouch full and reduces my sweets craving. Hang in there. We're all in the same boat. They're suppose to be coming out soon with some drugs that are actually effective at controlling those cravings. Some of us may need the band and those drugs. Cheri

Great pics of you guys. Wow Phil. Amazing difference. Had another great day today at school. Gratitude continues to be my daily companion. So glad and grateful for having the energy to teach extra periods. Feeling better (lighter) makes me able to handle little contretemps like an angry parrent/co-worker who called upset last night and came to me at the end of the day today to apologize. Hugs were exchanged.

Rewards. I've gotten to the point where a thrift store bargain makes me real happy. Got 3 sweaters last Saturday. I always treat myself to seeing my grandkids on weekends. Every once in a while I run across an inexpensive piece of jewelry that's unique and grabs my fancy. Got a really nice piece this summer at Greekfest in Chicago. $12. I'm going to Tennessee to my sister's house in Kingsport for Thanksgiving. That's always a treat but its especially a treat this year because we're not going to be lost in a crowd of family. I love my family but they're always there en masse when I visit my sister and her family. My sister has a beautiful home that sits on a steep hillside at the base of which is an inlet of a TVA lake. You stand on her balconies (or sit in the sun if we're lucky) and look down on treetops down to the lake. I hike all over the streets there. Lots of hills. I love walking around there. Beautiful views. Might do some Christmas shopping. Watch out for unique things. Today I am so grateful for having a peaceful, productive, and even fun day of teaching. Not one child behaved badly. Cheri

Julie, my heart goes out to you. Constant pain is so debilitating and puts you in deep depression. When that happened to me I went to my regular Dr. and asked for an anti-depressant to tide me over till I could see a psychiatrist. I stayed on it for about a year until I felt like I could do without. Anti-depressants were my gift to myself. I have never hesitated to take care of myself physically or psychologically. You are in a vicious cycle where your depression may actually be making your pain worse. Meds help you deal with the pain and they reduce the pain. By the way, I still need to be on anti-inflammatories, maximum strength and I supplement with Tylenol as needed, which is frequently at night. I avoid Vicodin because it makes me hyper and I can't sleep on it.

I am grateful for a God who loves me, a husband who loves me, parents, siblings, children, and grandchildren who love me. I am grateful that I have all these people to love.

I, too, am thankful for LBT and all of you. I am thankful for the shoes on my feet and the food on my table.

I'm in. 10 lbs by January. I'm actually going for 15 by my birthday Dec. 30 but I'm not rigid about it. It would mean I'd be at goal. A great Birthday present. But I've already lost 55 which is quite a present already. I'm thinking the next new topic should be giving thanks. This could last a long time. I find living in thanksgiving helps with my food. So today I'm grateful for my band. I'm grateful that my insurance company paid for it. I'm grateful for losing 55 lbs. I'm grateful that my blood pressure is 110 over 68. Whoo hoo!. I'm grateful my food bill is down. I'm grateful that size 16's are almost too big for me, that I'm out of XL's. I'm grateful that I can cross my knees. I'm grateful that when I look down I can see my feet while I'm standing. I'm grateful I can walk easily for an hour or more. That's just the weight and food stuff. This is a to-be-continued.

Monday, November 9, 2009 A Meaningful Life I like Mondays. I look forward to going to work. I am a problem solver and these kids and this school have many problems. I love my kids. Also, my personal motto is from Micah 6 and says, "Act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." Roseland Christian School allows me to practice justice (equal education for students who wouldn't get it in the public schools and historically haven't ever gotten it), love mercy (everytime a student needs encouragement or a boundary enforced and then relationship restored), and I couldn't do this job without God. Anyone who lacks humility will not survive in this place. I have had to look at myself--my hidden prejudices, my reactions and behaviors, my way of handling children, my anger, my need to be in control, my need to be liked, the way I raised my own children. So much I've had to work on. I've had to work on emotional consistency even when I want to tear a child's head off. I'm not always successful at not being cranky and crabby, but most days I am. I've immersed myself in Love & Logic, an incredibly effective set of disciplinary principles and practical set of suggestions. As a result, when a child does something I immediately pause and hear in my head, "No anger, lectures, threats, or warnings." Initially, I used a lot of Love & Logic one-liners like "I like you too much to argue." Eventually I came up with my own lines, often incorporating my own sense of humor. The impression I try to give is that I can handle anything they throw at me with ease. I try to be that charismatic adult in their life who can inspire them to become more than they ever thought they could be, to overcome barriers and difficulties they thought were insurmountable. I feel free to be myself with these kids probably more than I am with adults. I've learned a lot teaching. I learned I am a glass half full kind of person. I'm also an every crisis is an opportunity kind of person. When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade, etc. The fact is, life is hard. When you accept that and don't whine about it, it gets a lot better. Doesn't mean we shouldn't vent once in a while. Doesn't mean we don't despair at times. But even in my toughest times, I was always aware that joy from the Lord lay just under the surface. Weeping may last for a day, but joy comes in the morning. (Ecclesiastes) That joy bubbles up when I teach. It bubbles up even more without the weight on me. My spirits become almost irrepressible and the kids sense it and respond. One of my favorite old hymns is: When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say, "It is well, it is well with my soul." Christianity is not about pie in the sky when you die bye and bye. We have a God who cared enough about us to become human. A God who has gone through and experienced everything we've gone through. A God who experienced such a horrifying death that he sweated blood anticipating that death. This God walks with us through everything that life throws at us. He is the source of my joy, of my growth, of my goals, of the peace that attends my way. Living with Him eternally is a bonus. It's for this life that I need Him. A song that I wrote last spring goes like this (based on Phillipians 4) I could've been a superstar but that wouldn't take me very far I am content. I could've had a mansion and worn the latest fashion but I am content. I am content no matter what the circumstance. I am content no matter what my lot. I know what it means to live in want or have plenty. I know the meaning of being content... Is I can do all thingsthrough Him who strengthens me. Yes, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Monday, November 9, 2009 A Meaningful Life I like Mondays. I look forward to going to work. I am a problem solver and these kids and this school have many problems. I love my kids. Also, my personal motto is from Micah 6 and says, "Act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." Roseland Christian School allows me to practice justice (equal education for students who wouldn't get it in the public schools and historically haven't ever gotten it), love mercy (everytime a student needs encouragement or a boundary enforced and then relationship restored), and I couldn't do this job without God. Anyone who lacks humility will not survive in this place. I have had to look at myself--my hidden prejudices, my reactions and behaviors, my way of handling children, my anger, my need to be in control, my need to be liked, the way I raised my own children. So much I've had to work on. I've had to work on emotional consistency even when I want to tear a child's head off. I'm not always successful at not being cranky and crabby, but most days I am. I've immersed myself in Love & Logic, an incredibly effective set of disciplinary principles and practical set of suggestions. As a result, when a child does something I immediately pause and hear in my head, "No anger, lectures, threats, or warnings." Initially, I used a lot of Love & Logic one-liners like "I like you too much to argue." Eventually I came up with my own lines, often incorporating my own sense of humor. The impression I try to give is that I can handle anything they throw at me with ease. I try to be that charismatic adult in their life who can inspire them to become more than they ever thought they could be, to overcome barriers and difficulties they thought were insurmountable. I feel free to be myself with these kids probably more than I am with adults. I've learned a lot teaching. I learned I am a glass half full kind of person. I'm also an every crisis is an opportunity kind of person. When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade, etc. The fact is, life is hard. When you accept that and don't whine about it, it gets a lot better. Doesn't mean we shouldn't vent once in a while. Doesn't mean we don't despair at times. But even in my toughest times, I was always aware that joy from the Lord lay just under the surface. Weeping may last for a day, but joy comes in the morning. (Ecclesiastes) That joy bubbles up when I teach. It bubbles up even more without the weight on me. My spirits become almost irrepressible and the kids sense it and respond. One of my favorite old hymns is: When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say, "It is well, it is well with my soul." Christianity is not about pie in the sky when you die bye and bye. We have a God who cared enough about us to become human. A God who has gone through and experienced everything we've gone through. A God who experienced such a horrifying death that he sweated blood anticipating that death. This God walks with us through everything that life throws at us. He is the source of my joy, of my growth, of my goals, of the peace that attends my way. Living with Him eternally is a bonus. It's for this life that I need Him. A song that I wrote last spring goes like this (based on Phillipians 4) I could've been a superstar but that wouldn't take me very far I am content. I could've had a mansion and worn the latest fashion but I am content. I am content no matter what the circumstance. I am content no matter what my lot. I know what it means to live in want or have plenty. I know the meaning of being content... Is I can do all thingsthrough Him who strengthens me. Yes, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009 My grandson, Josh, is doing a little better today. Still in pain and very cranky. I just hope he hasn't given himself the start of some major neck problems. I had a good food day and walked very briskly for an hour again. I lost my Halloween weight but I've been struggling with that 2 or 3 lbs for awhile. I found it really hard to get back on my food protocol this time. I had a lot of sugar and chocolate for a few days--less than in the past but it still probably whacked out my insulin because the cravings have been bad. In addition people are hinting that my weight is now about just right for my build and age. I'm 183 lbs., 5'9", 57 yrs old. I'm looking really good. I feel great. I've upped the intensity of my walkout. Can't believe how fast I can walk now and how much ground I can cover. My Dr. suggested 170 lbs as my goal. I settled on 167 lbs because that's exactly 70 lbs. off. It's very tempting to stop losing now. I'm thin enough to look good in my clothes and I'll never look good without them so I'm suddenly not sure I want to keep losing weight. However, every lb. off is more weight off my back and hips and knees and feet. I still struggle with arthritis. I have to sit a long time after a walk and I never stop really hurting. It's better and I'm moving much more freely, but I'd like to be even free-er. Hanging upside down on my inversion table helps. I miss the sun. I can see the sunlight from m window during the day but by the time I leave the school the sun is gone. I'm still able to walk outside but I'm not looking forward to moving indoors. My treadmill is in my stinky basement and walking round and round a track at the community center doesn't offer much of a view. Being outside exercising helps me so much with both depression and ADHD which helps me deal with the food. Indoor exercise is just not the same. Ah well. I'll survive. I've lost this much weight before but I've always gained it back. Eventually, the thought of trying to lose weight, only to face the prospect of gaining it all back was so discouraging I didn't even want to try. I'm getting close to the maintenance point. I'd like to make it a sticking point. In the past I didn't have the band as a tool. Now I do. The part of my brain that's missing when it comes to knowing when to stop eating now has the assistance of my band. Thank God for my band. Eating triggers my addiction, yet I have to eat to live. For whatever reason, God has chosen not to take away this thorn in the flesh. But he has allowed me to acquire a tool in my battle. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009 My grandson, Josh, is doing a little better today. Still in pain and very cranky. I just hope he hasn't given himself the start of some major neck problems. I had a good food day and walked very briskly for an hour again. I lost my Halloween weight but I've been struggling with that 2 or 3 lbs for awhile. I found it really hard to get back on my food protocol this time. I had a lot of sugar and chocolate for a few days--less than in the past but it still probably whacked out my insulin because the cravings have been bad. In addition people are hinting that my weight is now about just right for my build and age. I'm 183 lbs., 5'9", 57 yrs old. I'm looking really good. I feel great. I've upped the intensity of my walkout. Can't believe how fast I can walk now and how much ground I can cover. My Dr. suggested 170 lbs as my goal. I settled on 167 lbs because that's exactly 70 lbs. off. It's very tempting to stop losing now. I'm thin enough to look good in my clothes and I'll never look good without them so I'm suddenly not sure I want to keep losing weight. However, every lb. off is more weight off my back and hips and knees and feet. I still struggle with arthritis. I have to sit a long time after a walk and I never stop really hurting. It's better and I'm moving much more freely, but I'd like to be even free-er. Hanging upside down on my inversion table helps. I miss the sun. I can see the sunlight from m window during the day but by the time I leave the school the sun is gone. I'm still able to walk outside but I'm not looking forward to moving indoors. My treadmill is in my stinky basement and walking round and round a track at the community center doesn't offer much of a view. Being outside exercising helps me so much with both depression and ADHD which helps me deal with the food. Indoor exercise is just not the same. Ah well. I'll survive. I've lost this much weight before but I've always gained it back. Eventually, the thought of trying to lose weight, only to face the prospect of gaining it all back was so discouraging I didn't even want to try. I'm getting close to the maintenance point. I'd like to make it a sticking point. In the past I didn't have the band as a tool. Now I do. The part of my brain that's missing when it comes to knowing when to stop eating now has the assistance of my band. Thank God for my band. Eating triggers my addiction, yet I have to eat to live. For whatever reason, God has chosen not to take away this thorn in the flesh. But he has allowed me to acquire a tool in my battle. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009 Mixed Bag Came home from school and walked for over an hour today in the twilight. Had a good food day after a very Halloween chocolate weekend. But then I looked at Facebook and found my grandson Joshua had fallen on his head from a bunk bed and was in significant pain with his head and neck though the CT scans show nothing. He won't move his neck. I hope my daughter gets him to a specialist tomorrow. I don't trust small local rural hospitals. Josh would not lie still for the CT scans or the x-rays so something could have been missed. I love that little booger and he loves his grandma. Please pray for him. I'm seeing some great progress from some of my kids at work. I've also been able to increase the number of contacts with the kids so my program will hopefully bring in more funds. Next year is still very much up in the air as far as my employment is concerned. I've been working with the promotions committee to try to bring in more funds and more students. I'm just praying that these things will work out. People need to open their hearts and their pocketbooks. Three or four city blocks from the school a young man was killed a few weeks ago. You may have seen it on the news. It made national headlines and Obama sent representatives to the high school the young man and his attackers attended. He was killed with a two by four. Meanwhile the children attending our school were safe inside in our afterschool program. I believe Roseland Christian School saves lives. God uses us to give these kids hope and a future. Please pray for my future and for the future of RCS and its students. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans not to harm you but to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah.