ifyourstomachoffendsyou

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 Mixed Feelings About Christmas Going through a divorce and changing churches and remarrying and moving really messed me and my kids all up on family holiday traditions. Haven't been able to really get anything consistant going. I also changed jobs along with the other changes--more than once, so building friendships has been very difficult. Thus, I have few non-family parties to go to. My husband is also a loner for the most part so haven't been able to build couple's friendships either. One friend from church left the church suddenly. Another is now working 70 hr weeks and I believe I offended her so she ignores any overtures. I'm also in a very wierd way caught between the black world and the white world. Hanging around black people so much at work and somewhat at church has made me no longer fit the white world very well, yet I'm not fully trusted and accepted in the black one either. Being ADHD also can get in the way of friendships. I can be too frank and impulsive in what I say and too self-revealing. Scares people away. I used to have a lot of friends in Alanon and we did fun things together, too. But when I remarried, my new DH didn't drink and making meetings became less of a necessity.I was also in a singles group where I was developing friends and that's where I met my DH which then took me out of the singles scene. All the things that have gone wrong with my house, as well as having DS and DDIL and baby living in my house before that really put the kabosh on entertaining, though I was part of two church community groups in a row, both of which eventually fell apart. I did have them meet at my house sometimes. Wierdly, the work I've done on myself in Alanon and in counseling and in reading tons of self-help books, as well as the work I've done bridging the gap between black and white, and the fact that I'm a much more independant thinking and behaving woman than most church women have all combined to make me not really fit in any group and to make it hard to find issues in common with other women. I can get by superficially but I haven't made deep friendships for a long time. I tend to avoid really needy women because they bring out my own codependency issues and I get angry at them finally for not doing what they need to do to improve their lives. Other women are so busy rescuing the needy women that they have no time for relatively healthy friendships. They let these people suck up all their time and energy. I see so much of that in women in my church. Also, so many events revolve around food and I think I've avoided those situations in order to keep from weighing even more than I eventually did. I'm also uncomfortable in big group social settings--and that includes family ones. I invariably stick my foot in my mouth and end up over-eating to medicate my nerves and shut my mouth. When I was a kid I would take a book and read at family events. If kids wanted to play outside or run around inside and play actively, then I participated and had a good time. I still will frequently find a relatively quiet place and talk to the one or two people who stop by, but I often wish I'd brought a book. So many people have nothing interesting to look at or read in their houses. Or they put it all away to straighten up the house for visitors. At my daughter's on Christmas Day there is only one room for all the adults to be in, and it'll be crowded. I think I'll play with the kids except for when we're all together opening presents. Christmas Eve won't be so bad. My sister-in-law's house has a room or two I can wander off to and get away from the crowd for a while. They'll also have booze, and booze, sad to say, does help. However, I never have more than two drinks. I really don't like the feeling of being even the least inebriated. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the holidays. We were so ultra-religious growing up that we spent a lot of that time in church. Christmas Eve and Christmas morning services. New Year's Eve and New Year's morning. Nobody drank at all but there was always food at family functions which occurred after church, mostly with my mom's family. We didn't really believe in Santa, but we opened presents on Christmas Eve.So I look forward to but I also dread the holidays. I allow myself more freedom to medicate with food at parties and try to not eat the days before and after. I'm sure I'm not the only one with mixed feelings. So I'm writing about it to acknowledge and hopefully deal with these issues at this time of year. But I mostly am concentrating on the good things. Abe Lincoln said, "Most people are as happy as they want to be." This holiday I'm trying to concentrate on the good things, the noble things, the pure things, the lovely things. There's a lot of brain research that shows if you want to change your life, you have to change your brain. To change your brain and create new ways of thinking you have to deliberately work on changing your thoughts. The Bible got that right 2000 years ago. Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Hi all. Going through a divorce and changing churches and remarrying and moving really messed me and my kids all up on family holiday traditions. Haven't been able to really get anything consistant going. I also changed jobs along with the other changes--more than once, so building friendships has been very difficult. Thus, I have few non-family parties to go to. My husband is also a loner for the most part so haven't been able to build couple's friendships either. One friend from church left the church suddenly. Another is now working 70 hr weeks and I believe I offended her so she ignores any overtures. I'm also in a very wierd way caught between the black world and the white world. Hanging around black people so much at work and somewhat at church has made me no longer fit the white world very well, yet I'm not fully trusted and accepted in the black one either. Being ADHD also can get in the way of friendships. I can be too frank and impulsive in what I say and too self-revealing. Scares people away. I used to have a lot of friends in Alanon and we did fun things together, too. But when I remarried, my new DH didn't drink and making meetings became less of a necessity. I was also in a singles group where I was developing friends and that's where I met my DH which then took me out of the singles scene. All the things that have gone wrong with my house, as well as having DS and DDIL and baby living in my house before that really put the kabosh on entertaining, though I was part of two church community groups in a row, both of which eventually fell apart. Wierdly, the work I've done on myself in Alanon and in counseling and in reading tons of self-help books, as well as the work I've done bridging the gap between black and white, and the fact that I'm a much more independant thinking and behaving woman than most church women have all combined to make me not really fit in any group and to make it hard to find issues in common with other women. I can get by superficially but I haven't made deep friendships for a long time. I tend to avoid really needy women because they bring out my own codependency issues and I get angry at them finally for not doing what they need to do to improve their lives. Other women are so busy rescuing the needy women that they have no time for relatively healthy friendships. They let these people suck up all their time and energy. I see so much of that in women in my church. Also, so many events revolve around food and I think I've avoided those situations in order to keep from weighing even more than I eventually did. I'm also uncomfortable in big group social settings--and that includes family ones. I invariably stick my foot in my mouth and end up over-eating to medicate my nerves and shut my mouth. When I was a kid I would take a book and read at family events. If kids wanted to play outside or run around inside and play actively, then I participated and had a good time. I still will frequently find a relatively quiet place and talk to the one or two people who stop by, but I often wish I'd brought a book. So many people have nothing interesting to look at or read in their houses. Or they put it all away to straighten up the house for visitors. At my daughter's on Christmas Day there is only one room for all the adults to be in, and it'll be crowded. I think I'll play with the kids except for when we're all together opening presents. Christmas Eve won't be so bad. My sister-in-law's house has a room or two I can wander off to and get away from the crowd for a while. They'll also have booze, and booze, sad to say, does help. However, I never have more than two drinks. I really don't like the feeling of being even the least inebriated. Anyway, that's a long post. I mostly want to say I really appreciate this thread because I can talk about these things in writing, at which I am more articulate than talking. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the holidays. We were so ultra-religious growing up that we spent a lot of that time in church. Christmas Eve and Christmas morning services. New Year's Eve and New Year's morning. Nobody drank at all but there was always food at family functions which occurred after church, mostly with my mom's family. We didn't really believe in Santa, but we opened presents on Christmas Eve. So I look forward to but I also dread the holidays. I allow myself more freedom to medicate with food at parties and try to not eat the days before and after. I'm sure I'm not the only one with mixed feelings. Cheri

Two days of mostly protein and lost all the party weight. Today also a good day. 6 lbs from goal.

My port is quite feelable and I think has contributed to upper stomach bulge. So upper belly is still rounded while lower belly is tucked in but hangs like a flat tire. 6 lbs to goal. Maybe 5.

My favorite Christmas was the year my baby sister came home from the hospital on Christmas morning. We got to stay home from church and my dad went to get her and my mom. The hospital sent her home in a big red Christmas stocking. She was born on Dec. 20, came home on Dec. 25, (my mom had blood clots so stayed 5 days), and I turned 15 on the 30th. Thanks for the compliments on my pic. DH took that pic over 2 weeks ago and couldn't find his cord to download onto my computer. So I've lost at least 5 or 6 more lbs and will post a new pic at goal. 6 lbs to go. Cheri

LOL. I love the electric slide and the kids and I do the macarena at school all the time. I tell them we need to get rid of the heebie jeebies. They don't know that the Macarena makes them cross the midline of their body several times and we repeat it several times so its very good for the brain and for concentration. I have them do Miss Mary Mac several times, too, for the same reason. But I've never made fish do it.

Good for you on all fronts. Keep it up.

Went to the community center and walked 4 mi. in an hr. Feel great. Couldn't exercise the past two days but I did sing in choir for at least an hour and a half both days. Totally watched my food yesterday and lost the party lbs. 7 lbs from goal. Called to set my next fill in motion. I want nice and tight for maintenance. Cheri

Sunday, December 20, 2009 Curmudgeons, Stress, and Food I must be getting to be a regular curmudgeon. There is nothing on TV worth watching, or, if there is, its so buried in the 500+ cable choices I can't find it. My husband keeps recording the wierdest movies on the off chance one of them might actually be good. If they're "good" in the artistic sense, they're usually depressing. I just can't sustain interest in them. I'm going to have to buy some books or go out every day so I'm not bored out of my mind this whole vacation. I go on Lapband Talk and Facebook, but I've hidden so many people on Facebook and I never play games on there anymore. Facebook is becoming really boring, too. I still enjoy Lapband talk most of the time. Christmas is tough. I so look forward to vacation but then I'm bored most of the days. I just want to get out of the house. I'll get some projects done, go see grandchildren, attend a few parties, and wish I had friends and money so I could actually go out and do more. Activities that don't involve food (and are cheap) are few and far between. Working really makes it hard to have friends. Being a little wierd makes it even harder. The ADHD really interferes with friendship. I can't seem to not put my foot in my mouth. It's like I put the ADHD right out there in front and challenge people to like me anyway. Mostly I just scare them. I just looked at the courses required to get my masters in reading or even an endorsement in reading. They look horrible. It would take several years to finish it, by which time I'll be 60. RCS, where I work, is in deep do-do with the IRS due to several years of not paying their employee's social security taxes because they just didn't have the money to pay it. Bad decision. Didn't let people know the financial trouble the school was in. Now, despite the school being very well run by a new administration, and arrangements being made to pay back the IRS, RCS assets have been frozen. Certain funding came in and other funds were quickly raised to keep the school running and the teacher's checks from bouncing, but who knows what will happen next school year, or even second semester. I know I could teach rings around a lot of teachers with masters degrees, but that degree makes me more hirable in my field. But I really don't want to go back to school. At all, ever again. I'm about ready to forget going back to school after looking at the courses I'd need to take. Maybe I'll do what my husband did and get security guard training. That's an area you can always get a job. Joke. For me anyway. Annie get your gun. For him, though, he can get a better class job maybe working a high rise or becoming a dispatcher, which you still need the security guard training and private detective license. He's about as intimidating as Barney Fife, but for a lot of these jobs you don't need to be intimidating at all. He can supplement social security income or work full-time if things get tough and we need benefits. The Lord is going to have to provide. I'm giving up. It is just not worth it to get a masters. I'm going to try meeting with the school, but I don't need to be taking on student loans either. God has always made a way for me where there was no way. I'm going to have to trust him. I had a good food day today--after two days of relative pigging out (not anywhere near like without the band). My stress level has been at its highest in a long time. And food is everywhere. I'm surrounded by all my favorite pig out food. Some things I can't talk about on my blog, like family difficulties--because some relatives read this blog or talk to others about it. I hesitate to even talk about Roseland's difficulties. But these have been high stress points in my life right now. My financial situation, the problems with my house, these I can talk about. Myself, my ADHD,and my own psychological and personal issues I can talk about. But going "nekkid" about my family is another thing. I've been able to write about those things on LapbandTalk where anything that could make us eat is fair game. But its been a long time since I had a good personal friend with whom it was safe to talk about anything and who also knows how to have fun. When I was in Alanon I had those kind of friends. When I was part of a singles group I also found some women with whom I became quite close. We, of course, had a major interest in common-in the first case, having been married to or impacted by a relative's drinking-in the second case having gone through divorce and now cautiously putting our feet in the water in the dating scene. Now, I resort to the internet to find people with the same interest (the lapband and dealing with food) as me. I write in my blog to deal with many of my issues. But I really miss having a friend. Or two. Or three. I have work friends. But we don't socialize outside of work. At least I don't. We don't live close. We're all busy. Some of the young teachers have formed friendships, but most of them leave after a few years. It's also been difficult to make friends at church for various reasons--which again, I can't talk about on this blog. So I can be surrounded by people and yet feel very alone. It could be that I'm really a loner. I've been thinking about that lately. I seem very social but am I? I'm very nervous in social settings and take refuge in food. I do well around just one or two people. So I'm not a loner, I just prefer more in-depth conversations where you actually get to know people. I just don't have much opportunity for that. So, this is me being a curmudgeon. Exasperated by the current limits on my life, stressed by the personal, financial, family, and job related problems, and I can't even find a TV show to hold my interest. But choir sounded good today. We sang twice. My husband now has the training to get a decent job. I'm still getting lots of compliments on my weight loss. So God is good, even to curmudgeons. And he loves ADHD semi-loners who don't want to go back to school. He holds me in the palm of his hand. He's my Daddy. My Abba, Father. And he has plans for me.

I had one of those days today too. I wrote a relatively non-cheerful blog today. Referred to myself as a curmudgeon. Grrr. Glad your band is doing better. I had a good food day to make up for two crap days. Hopfully, I can maintain this till Christmas Eve and Christmas day, when I'll have parties again. Where do you live in Indiana? I'm very familiar with Northwest Indiana. My kids all live there and I lived on State Line for years in Munster. I currently live in Thornton IL which is only a few miles away. Cheri

Sunday, December 20, 2009 Curmudgeons, Stress, and Food I must be getting to be a regular curmudgeon. There is nothing on TV worth watching, or, if there is, its so buried in the 500+ cable choices I can't find it. My husband keeps recording the wierdest movies on the off chance one of them might actually be good. If they're "good" in the artistic sense, they're usually depressing. I just can't sustain interest in them. I'm going to have to buy some books or go out every day so I'm not bored out of my mind this whole vacation. I go on Lapband Talk and Facebook, but I've hidden so many people on Facebook and I never play games on there anymore. Facebook is becoming really boring, too. I still enjoy Lapband talk most of the time. Christmas is tough. I so look forward to vacation but then I'm bored most of the days. I just want to get out of the house. I'll get some projects done, go see grandchildren, attend a few parties, and wish I had friends and money so I could actually go out and do more. Activities that don't involve food (and are cheap) are few and far between. Working really makes it hard to have friends. Being a little wierd makes it even harder. The ADHD really interferes with friendship. I can't seem to not put my foot in my mouth. It's like I put the ADHD right out there in front and challenge people to like me anyway. Mostly I just scare them. I just looked at the courses required to get my masters in reading or even an endorsement in reading. They look horrible. It would take several years to finish it, by which time I'll be 60. RCS, where I work, is in deep do-do with the IRS due to several years of not paying their employee's social security taxes because they just didn't have the money to pay it. Bad decision. Didn't let people know the financial trouble the school was in. Now, despite the school being very well run by a new administration, and arrangements being made to pay back the IRS, RCS assets have been frozen. Certain funding came in and other funds were quickly raised to keep the school running and the teacher's checks from bouncing, but who knows what will happen next school year, or even second semester. I know I could teach rings around a lot of teachers with masters degrees, but that degree makes me more hirable in my field. But I really don't want to go back to school. At all, ever again. I'm about ready to forget going back to school after looking at the courses I'd need to take. Maybe I'll do what my husband did and get security guard training. That's an area you can always get a job. Joke. For me anyway. Annie get your gun. For him, though, he can get a better class job maybe working a high rise or becoming a dispatcher, which you still need the security guard training and private detective license. He's about as intimidating as Barney Fife, but for a lot of these jobs you don't need to be intimidating at all. He can supplement social security income or work full-time if things get tough and we need benefits. The Lord is going to have to provide. I'm giving up. It is just not worth it to get a masters. I'm going to try meeting with the school, but I don't need to be taking on student loans either. God has always made a way for me where there was no way. I'm going to have to trust him. I had a good food day today--after two days of relative pigging out (not anywhere near like without the band). My stress level has been at its highest in a long time. And food is everywhere. I'm surrounded by all my favorite pig out food. Some things I can't talk about on my blog, like family difficulties--because some relatives read this blog or talk to others about it. I hesitate to even talk about Roseland's difficulties. But these have been high stress points in my life right now. My financial situation, the problems with my house, these I can talk about. Myself, my ADHD,and my own psychological and personal issues I can talk about. But going "nekkid" about my family is another thing. I've been able to write about those things on LapbandTalk where anything that could make us eat is fair game. But its been a long time since I had a good personal friend with whom it was safe to talk about anything and who also knows how to have fun. When I was in Alanon I had those kind of friends. When I was part of a singles group I also found some women with whom I became quite close. We, of course, had a major interest in common-in the first case, having been married to or impacted by a relative's drinking-in the second case having gone through divorce and now cautiously putting our feet in the water in the dating scene. Now, I resort to the internet to find people with the same interest (the lapband and dealing with food) as me. I write in my blog to deal with many of my issues. But I really miss having a friend. Or two. Or three. I have work friends. But we don't socialize outside of work. At least I don't. We don't live close. We're all busy. Some of the young teachers have formed friendships, but most of them leave after a few years. It's also been difficult to make friends at church for various reasons--which again, I can't talk about on this blog. So I can be surrounded by people and yet feel very alone. It could be that I'm really a loner. I've been thinking about that lately. I seem very social but am I? I'm very nervous in social settings and take refuge in food. I do well around just one or two people. So I'm not a loner, I just prefer more in-depth conversations where you actually get to know people. I just don't have much opportunity for that. So, this is me being a curmudgeon. Exasperated by the current limits on my life, stressed by the personal, financial, family, and job related problems, and I can't even find a TV show to hold my interest. But choir sounded good today. We sang twice. My husband now has the training to get a decent job. I'm still getting lots of compliments on my weight loss. So God is good, even to curmudgeons. And he loves ADHD semi-loners who don't want to go back to school. He holds me in the palm of his hand. He's my Daddy. My Abba, Father. And he has plans for me.

I too have a bulge above my belly button and a flat tire underneath it. No more butt or thighs except for sagging skin. Can't find pants that look right. I'm somewhere between a 14 and a 12 in pants. Need low riders that won't fall off or higher pants with a waistband that upper skin doesn't bulge over and slimmer thighs on them but not tight over the belly flap. One of the best things about Christmas is the music. Sang in choir this morning and doing a concert this evenng and again Christmas eve. Cheri Absolutely can't stand to wear so-called shapers. They make me bulge somewhere. I'd had to have a whole body one. Also very hot and uncomfortable. I'm not too sure they do good things to my port. Has anyone had good success with treating varicose veings. I have ropes, (like hanging grapes) as well as tons of spider veins. Even capris look terrible because most of the spider vein/bruised look is on my calves and ankles. Yuck.

Got a Birthday myself on the 30th. Wish it wasn't around the holidays. Tends to get lost in the shuffle. Two bad food days. My choice. Pretty intense stress combined with being surrounded for two days with best pig-out food. Need to get back on track. Next party Christmas Eve and then Christmas day. Then nothing until I have some relatives over the 27th. Don't know which ones will all be coming. Definitely my DH's DD and DSIL and DGD and DS and girlfriend. Hope to just maintain weight for this month. Trying to get in a fill over Christmas Break or soon after so I can lose my last 8 lbs. I can really tell I've loosened up again. Cheri

Ate way too much yesterday and today. So until Christmas Eve (next party) strict carb-free regimen. Hope to have my treadmill up and running tomorrow. Can't walk the stairs at school now. There's also the walking track at the Community Center. I can walk there free. Monday I'll call on getting another fill. Takes 2 wks for approval. Hope I can get it in before school starts again. I'm just trying not to gain this month. Then next month I'll go after the next 8 lbs. Cravings are really high because constantly surrounded by favorite pig-out foods everywhere. Next few days should be OK. Also still a little traumatized from the school's troubles as well as my refusal to play the Christmas football game between my DD and DS. I refused to play co-dependant between them and my daughter hung up on me. Nice start to my Christmas break. Going to try to get registered for finishing my Masters in Reading also. Just hope there are people working over Christmas break. This past week was a reality check on job security. I think I need that Master's. My BD is Dec. 30 and I'll be 58. Most teacher's in public schools are retired with nice fat pensions. Not those who work for private Christian schools. My husband is waiting for his fingerprints to come back so he can be officially certified for security guard work. He's been sick as a dog all week but will now hopefully be able to explore various job opportunities. Just picture him as Barney Fife. Got to deal with the stress better or I'll continue eating too much. Cheri

Janet, that's what I tried to do. My daughter hijacked it, changed the date and tried to make everyone come. So come next year, I'm cruisin'.

I'm on Christmas break! I feel like Apples! Hooray! I'm on the outs with my daughter. Over Christmas. She wants me to ask my son why he can't make it to her house Christmas day. And I won't do that. I don't feel I'm owed an explanation, nor is she. She tried to accommodate everyone by combining me handing out presents to my grandkids and then my sister's family and my parents coming to her house and those who can stay can stay and those who need to move on to other parties could move on. Her brothers (my sons) live in Indiana and so do their spouses families so she thought she was solving their difficulties with having two parties by combining them into one, thus eliminating my having a separate party for mine and DH's children. I'd just have a party for DH's children on my own. So my son just threw a monkey wrench into her plans. The reason probably involves his wife who can't stand my DD and other DS and doesn't enjoy herself at our parties. I don't blame her. Neither has treated her well. So I'm letting go and refused to question him on why he's not coming. Frankly I'm not looking forward to the party at my daughter's. I'm kindof hoping she'll cancel it now. I'll just do delivery Santa to each of my kids homes. They don't want to come here because they're going to enough parties. The Christmas Day party can revert back to my sister's house, which is a lot nicer than my daughter's, and those who have no other parties to go to can show up there. My parents go there, I go there, and my daughter goes there. My boys have trouble making it. Which makes them mad. They'd rather be with my sister and my parents than come to my house with my DH's kids or each other. I've totally given up trying to please them because there is no pleasing them. I'll just have my DH's kids and the one grandchild over on the 27th and call it a day. Sounds confusing and it is. My kids loved Christmas when they were little and they especially loved going to my mom and dad's and having my sister and her family there. (Kris is only 6 years older than my daughter and is more like a big sister) Plus, frequently they got to see some of my other siblings and their kids. They're much more bonded to them than to my DH's kids so that's understandable. Unfortunately, Christmas Day is when their spouses families frequently have parties. This sh!! happens every year. I think next year I'll go on a cruise. Linda, Ayla (sp) is adorable, you look great. Laura, Nels looked so cute in his hat. Such a dilemma for you. Lori, sorry about the unfill. I know I'd be worried too. Glad the knee is doing so well.

Janet, There were some people who didn't pay their tuition and some bad management decisions that meant the money wasn't there and the accountant and former principal hid the info. and just didn't pay the IRS. All of that is in the past and current taxes are being paid but it left us in debt to the IRS, the worst debt you can have. And the state of Illinois is broke and hasn't been paying us on time. A significant number of our children's tuition is paid for by child care initiative which gives child care $ to low income mothers who work. That's left us constantly short on the money we needed to pay our bills this year. Supposedly all this had been settled with the IRS and a payment plan put in place, so this was a total surprise. Our new principal was in tears telling us about it. Hopefully, it will be quickly resolved. We would have been in decent shape for this year if the State of Illinois hadn't constantly been way late with payments. Everybody's been taking on extra duties to keep the school afloat, we're developing new sources of income from businesses and foundations and also expect as the economy improves we'll get more students and more donations. We got rid of all tuition non-or partial payers which cut our student body considerably. Salaries are frozen, staff is cut to the bone. The school has done everything right to ride this out and start re-building. Today, enough money came in and was raised to back up payroll. I'm pretty sure we can keep going to the end of this year, the question will be for next year. It was just a very stressful day for the teachers not knowing if they'd be covered for the holidays. Fortunately, they are. I really craved chocolate and sugar today. Had some skittles. But ate OK otherwise. Cheri

Meredith, you look incredible. Lori, so glad you're doing so well. Was going to do my Christmas cards last night and had just got home from work and my daughter called. 2yr old DGS had brown gunk coming out of ear, could I come and take care of 5yr old DGS so she could go to ER. Of course. Poor DD. She'd spent the day before in Indianapolis (2-3 hr ride from her house, having 5 yr old DGS diagnosed for autism. They observed him for 1 hour and made the diagnosis. It usually takes several visits. He must really have displayed all his worst behavior. Then today she was taking 2yr old DGS to child neurologist in Chicago. He fell on his head in a twisted way over a month ago and x-rays showed nothing but he's still in pain and not moving his head right. Today was tough at school. Previous administration had not handled money well and social security taxes were not paid. Finances have been straightened out, we're on a very tight budget, and a payment schedule was supposed to have been set up with the IRS. But they froze all school assets yesterday morning, so teacher's checks were starting to bounce. Various friends of the school raised $ and the state finally paid us for our CHild Care Initiative students. Also some donations came in. The IRS can't touch any of this money for another 30 days, hopefully by which time we'll have our assets unfrozen and our bills paid. Fortunately, my funding is separate and not affected, but should the school close, I'll be out of a job. We are better run than we've been for years, and the whole atmosphere has been so improved. I see such progress with the students and such an atmosphere of love. Today, the enemy tried to take us down, but God prevailed and will again. This is his school and we do his work. We've got some old chickens coming home to roost, but we've done an amazing job straightening out everything and I believeGod will honor that. Cheri

I peel the top off pizza and eat that. One piece limit. Its the crust that makes you pb. I don't deny myself anything I really like. I just eat very small amounts of it at parties and don't have it in my house. I'll eat fillings that I like of pastries and ignore most of the pastry. Had the frosting and top of a cupcake today. I'm not into total denial. I really watch it most of the time. I'm not trying to lose much weight this month. Too difficult. I'm going to try to get in for another fill to help me lose the last 8 lbs to goal and then help with maintenance. Cheri

Jewel, I found with my alcoholic ex and a few other dysfunctional people in my life that the best response is often no response. I think I might ask my husband not to tell me anything negative or any opinions my MIL expressed to him. Ask him to either keep it to himself or to refuse to listen and to direct his MIL to speak to me directly and to let her know he will not be conveying anything she says. It's not his job to be go-between. Id' express sympathy for the position he's in and ask him to support me by protecting me from her negativity by not even telling me she said anything. Walk away the second your MIL gets negative. Tell her you have to make a phone call or do homework or whatever. It is not rude to walk away from someone who is rude. I've found words like, "Oh, is that what you think." or "That's certainly one point of view." or even "You could be right." can also defuse negative people. Then just quietly continue doing what you need to do. Probably more advice than you need or want. But the more tools you have in your tool kit for dealing with her, the better you'll do with your food. Cheri

Joanne, so glad you're back. Great-Lori, glad you took care of yourself today. God bless you with your surgery. Laura, thinking about you. Jewel, don't expect your husband to stand up to his mother. That's your job to do for yourself. Having expectations just sets you up for disappointment and men and their mothers are something you learn to keep out of. Don't expect your MIL to change, either. It's up to you to be the change in your own life. Ignoring them and doing your own thing no matter what will do more to build your self-esteem than expecting people to change. You don't have to defend yourself. Your weight loss and improved health will provide all the proof and defense you need. Your son will respect you and learn what kind of woman he wants someday by watching you respect yourself. People, I can't stand any of the polenta, corn mush, cold or hot cereals you talk about. I'm not even that fond of bread unless its slathered with butter or drenched in olive oil and parmesan. I am a carnivore. I can easily live without mashed potatoes or rice, but if I have them I want them slathered with gravy and sauce, so I just avoid them. I love meat. I've always pulled half the breading off fried meats. chicken fried steak I will never understand. I don't much like most raw vegetables, only cooked. I hate carrots and celery and raw onion. I'll eat some salad but only with good dressings, otherwise, why bother. I think for me its a texture thing with a lot of this stuff. I also don't like to be able to taste lard or many oils. So often they take on other flavors. I know I'm wierd. Talk about meats and chocolate and your talking about the two main food groups. Cookies and cake without a lot of chocolate don't interest me either. I eat cake for the frosting, and often thrown out most of the cake. Cheri

Monday, December 14, 2009 Owww!!! Ate a wonderful dinner at a Hibachi steakhouse. Ate slowly. Drank with the meal to help it slide through. Didn't feel pain. Drove home. Ow! It just let up now. Delayed reaction? I wish my band had let me know sooner. I really need to get one more fill because I can eat too much at night. I mostly don't but I can. I was waiting because I didn't want problems with pbing over Christmas, and figured I'd really need the fill for maintenance stage which is only 8 lbs away. As I lose the last eight lbs over this month and next the fat pad will shrink and I'll really need the fill. I found out my Dr. moved to California. Never did get to make a 3-month check up with him. He never did my fills. Now I know why. I never got called back by the university I contacted to finish getting my M.A. I need to get ahold of a university that will work with me on getting my master's in reading. Unfortunately, I work when their offices work. I've got about 20 hours post-grad and tons of experience that ought to count for something. I'm off next week but I supect the people I need to talk to will be off too. I wanted to start next semester but that might be asking too much of myself. I hate this stuff. So many forms, so many phone calls. All the stuff at which I'm no good. However, those simple initials behind my name will give me more options if RCS goes under or the vendor hired to handle NCLB for Chicago Public Schools chooses not to hire me to work there. I'm doing so well at my job. The weight loss has given me unbelievable energy. Now that its hard to walk outside I've been waking up early and going in to work where I walk the stairways (47 to the top floor), hallways, and around the gym. Got in 45 minutes this morning. I'll need to go in early tomorrow to make up for tonight's dinner with colleagues. Also, I didn't eat much Monday, although I was at another party on Sunday night. Right now I'm kind of hoping to just lose a few lbs this month and not worry too much if I don't lose much else. January is another month. Even though I'm working longer hours I have smaller classes and I feel like I'm at the top of my game teaching. I have built such good relationships with the kids. I have one good sized 7th grader who is frequently seized with intestinal issues just before lunch time. I always tell him, "Don't fall in." Once he replied, "Don't worry, I know how to swim." I once started laughing when I looked at one of my eighth graders who'd decided to shave stripes in his eyebrows. He'd been bragging to one of the other boys that "the chicks dig it." So I looked at him, started laughing, and said, "Chaka, I just can't take you seriously with those eyebrows." It was the first time I'd ever seen him speechless, while the other boys fell on the floor laughing. One of them came and gave me a hug after class and I understand it was the topic of lunch conversation that day. Nobody'll ever forget the day Mrs. Flory finally gave Chaka a dose of his own medicine. My three eighth grade boys try to find more time to come to see me before they have a math test. One will show up before school. They'll eat lunch with me so I can go through stuff with them. I have so much fun with these kids. To have to leave them would break my heart. I went to hear them play band or sing in choir at the Christmas program last Thursday. They'd been asking and asking me if I was going to come see them and hear them. I skipped my own church choir practice to do it. They were so proud of themselves. Amazingly, even the beginning band wasn't bad. And I ended up having to get up in front at the last minute and help lead the audience in Christmas songs while the band members were changing into choir outfits and getting ready to sing. Didn't expect that. Had kids coming up to me and telling me how well I'd done. The whole thing was impromptu but fun. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.

Monday, December 14, 2009 Owww!!! Ate a wonderful dinner at a Hibachi steakhouse. Ate slowly. Drank with the meal to help it slide through. Didn't feel pain. Drove home. Ow! It just let up now. Delayed reaction? I wish my band had let me know sooner. I really need to get one more fill because I can eat too much at night. I mostly don't but I can. I was waiting because I didn't want problems with pbing over Christmas, and figured I'd really need the fill for maintenance stage which is only 8 lbs away. As I lose the last eight lbs over this month and next the fat pad will shrink and I'll really need the fill. I found out my Dr. moved to California. Never did get to make a 3-month check up with him. He never did my fills. Now I know why. I never got called back by the university I contacted to finish getting my M.A. I need to get ahold of a university that will work with me on getting my master's in reading. Unfortunately, I work when their offices work. I've got about 20 hours post-grad and tons of experience that ought to count for something. I'm off next week but I supect the people I need to talk to will be off too. I wanted to start next semester but that might be asking too much of myself. I hate this stuff. So many forms, so many phone calls. All the stuff at which I'm no good. However, those simple initials behind my name will give me more options if RCS goes under or the vendor hired to handle NCLB for Chicago Public Schools chooses not to hire me to work there. I'm doing so well at my job. The weight loss has given me unbelievable energy. Now that its hard to walk outside I've been waking up early and going in to work where I walk the stairways (47 to the top floor), hallways, and around the gym. Got in 45 minutes this morning. I'll need to go in early tomorrow to make up for tonight's dinner with colleagues. Also, I didn't eat much Monday, although I was at another party on Sunday night. Right now I'm kind of hoping to just lose a few lbs this month and not worry too much if I don't lose much else. January is another month. Even though I'm working longer hours I have smaller classes and I feel like I'm at the top of my game teaching. I have built such good relationships with the kids. I have one good sized 7th grader who is frequently seized with intestinal issues just before lunch time. I always tell him, "Don't fall in." Once he replied, "Don't worry, I know how to swim." I once started laughing when I looked at one of my eighth graders who'd decided to shave stripes in his eyebrows. He'd been bragging to one of the other boys that "the chicks dig it." So I looked at him, started laughing, and said, "Chaka, I just can't take you seriously with those eyebrows." It was the first time I'd ever seen him speechless, while the other boys fell on the floor laughing. One of them came and gave me a hug after class and I understand it was the topic of lunch conversation that day. Nobody'll ever forget the day Mrs. Flory finally gave Chaka a dose of his own medicine. My three eighth grade boys try to find more time to come to see me before they have a math test. One will show up before school. They'll eat lunch with me so I can go through stuff with them. I have so much fun with these kids. To have to leave them would break my heart. I went to hear them play band or sing in choir at the Christmas program last Thursday. They'd been asking and asking me if I was going to come see them and hear them. I skipped my own church choir practice to do it. They were so proud of themselves. Amazingly, even the beginning band wasn't bad. And I ended up having to get up in front at the last minute and help lead the audience in Christmas songs while the band members were changing into choir outfits and getting ready to sing. Didn't expect that. Had kids coming up to me and telling me how well I'd done. The whole thing was impromptu but fun. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.

Laura, My heart goes out to you. One of the sayings I came up with is that God doesn't give you more than what he can handle if you let him. Because there are things we can't handle, we just get through them as best we can. We do it beter with God than without him. The Lord bless you and keep you and cause his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you his peace. Cheri

I'm 8 lbs from goal. I only had 60 lbs to lose. I've had two fills and probably need one more, but I've been too busy to go in and get it. However, I do feel the band when I eat too much, unless its sliders. Had a bunch of them at a party tonight, but tomorrow its back on the band-wagon. Sticking to high protein, low carbs has been the key to weight loss for me. Getting another fill will help with maintenance so I don't gain it back. Too easy to eat too much at night. Everybody has to find their own way, pace, and style with the band. It's a tool not a cure. You can't eat the same way you did before the band and expect different results. Get those fills, they're the key to continued weight loss. Cheri