ifyourstomachoffendsyou

It's my birthday! I'm 58 and feel 10 years younger. I'm going to walk for the first time in a week. This cold combined with the holidays really knocked me for a loop. I figured out why bands are tighter and pbing more frequent with a cold. It's all the phlegm you swallow that fills your poor little pouch and doesn't leave room for food. Then when you eat and consequently pb, it gives new meaning to the saying "gettin' slimed!" Another thing that I think happens when we get sick, is our tissue swells. Think about your throat and your sinuses. That probably happens to your esophagus and pouch. That's why the band feels tight. Everything else is swollen. Nyquil is my friend! Hopefully last night was my last dose. I probably won't sleep well for at least a night because I'm so used to the Nyquil knocking me for a loop. Going to Kohl's to spend money. My brother and family are coming out from MI this aft. and eve so all my kids and my sis's family will all be at my moms. Love to see family on my birthday. My kids love my parents and all my bros and sists so they usually cooperate when one of them comes visiting. Me they take for granted but not my family cause seeing them is infrequent. So I'll actually be together with my kids on my birthday. LOL. I usually don't even arrange a get together. They just give me my gifts at Christmas. Cheri

Just gotta say, Eva, that apples have always made me hungry, too. My stomach starts growling within minutes of eating one and I feel like I'm starving. Cheri

Just playin' with words. But mostly playing with the saying just appealed to me. It gets quoted so often to justify goofing off, but I've come to appreciate the steady Eddies out there. Did you ever think what kind of characters usually get named Jack? His name is not just associated with donkeys and with not knowing Jacksh!! about anything. Jack is in so many nursery rhymes. "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after." "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candlestick." Then there's "Jack and the Beanstalk" "Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, eating his Christmas pie. He put in his thumb, and pulled out a plum and said,'What a good boy am I.'" and of course the ultimate in bad boys refusing to grow up, the Rolling Stones in Jumpin Jack Flash. It's a Gas, Gas, Gas. So, Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more no more no more no more! Hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more. So, get you some Jack Daniels, Apples, and put that stone to bed. I remember telling the nurse, "I don't believe in pain. You give me whatever it takes to make the pain go away." And she did. I hope you find something that kills the pain without making you vomit. As for me, its time for my Nyquil. My theory about a bad cold is, "Wake me up when its over." Night, now. Cheri

LOL. It cracks me up how many of us more "mature" women actually prefer our veggies softer. The crisp vegetable fad has, I think, led all kinds of young people to avoid veggies a lot more than we do. I don't understand the concept of passing a vegetable over the steam for a few seconds and considering that cooked. If your fork bounces off of it, it ain't cooked. It's raw. Better dip it. By the way, another way to get your vegetables is juiced. V-8 has low sodium veggie juice, it has low-carb veggie fruit combos and I'm sure there's more out there. I take a small low-sodium v-8 that comes in 6 packs to work and will occasionally use them as a mid-afternoon snack. Also came up with an updated version of an old saying, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, but all play and no work just makes Jack an A$$." Cheri

LOL. A coatrack, huh? Well, I've lost about the same and am at about the same weight as you. And I exercise and eat mostly protein so go figure. Just getting over a bad cold. Stomach pouch fills with phlegm and makes me pb on dense protein but if I wait and keep spitting instead of swallowing then I can eat the protein as long as I eat very slowly. Lost all but one lb of Christmas weight but holidays aren't over yet. Hope to reach goal in January. Five more lbs. But, clothed, I look good. Took a big leap of faith and got rid of all clothes that don't fit or look right. I have very few clothes left. Cheri

Steam or pressure cook the veggies till a little softer or stir-fry them a little longer in olive oil and pre-cut them into smaller pieces so the insides cook and aren't as hard. You might lose a few vitamins but you'll still get most of them, and the flavor, and you're less likely to pb if they're soft. I like to add some Promise margarine and lemon and Tastefully Simple Garlic Garlic to steamed or pressure cooked veggies. Makes them moister and less likely to pb. Or Promise and parmesian cheese which is lower fat. I also sometimes sprinkle low fat cheddar on the cooked veggies and nuke just enough to melt the cheese. Helps them go down better and slide through easier. I can eat raw lettuces in salads as long as they have an Italian or Greek vinaigrette type dressing on them and are cut small. Again, the oil, which is good for you in small amounts, helps them slide through. Shredded carrots and red cabbage and onion in the lettuce go down. Tomatoes go down. Mushrooms, cut small, go down. Big chunks don't. Raw celery, cauliflower, broccoli, etc. need to be very tiny pieces and eaten very cautiously. Low-fat dip helps them slide down. Or you can get your veggies in soup. I'm not a big veggies fan, especially raw, and if you eat too many veggies you might not eat enough protein because they take up so much space in your stomach. Or if you eat the protein first, the veggies are too bulky to fit on top. So I turn them into sliders before I eat the meat and then the meat will stay in my pouch and keep me feeling full but I'll have had some veggies, too. Another problem with veggies is they create gas and bloating which can make you very uncomfortable if they're still in your pouch on top of the meat and you get pain half an hour after you've eaten. That's the worst cause you can't pb it out. Cheri Cheri

Lord, give me a couple weeks off and I really get verbose. Thanks all for putting up with all my verbage. Cheri

Hi all, Just finished going through closets and sweater drawers. My mother went through my clothes and took quite a few. Saved some of my recently bought XLs for my daughter who is a couple of inches taller than me and wears some XLs. Everything else to the thrift store. My husband bought me a big, tall jewelry chest so sorting jewelry, throwing out underwear, and getting rid of two drawers of huge t-shirts that I get every year from the Roseland Christian School Walkathon will be next. I have at least 9 of them and then some others people gave me. I have only 1/2 of a closet rack of clothes left. I need a nice sweat suit for walking outdoors and an indoor workout outfit. I need another couple of pairs of nice pants for work. I really don't wear heavy sweaters. I like to wear pretty stretch cotton 3/4 or long sleeve tees with a lightweight sweater I can take off over them. They're making such pretty decorated tees now, and I bought a number of them from Kohls. I have a charcoal and a black lightweight sweater to wear over them (no buttons). Need a beige or brown sweater yet. Got new bras, got new underwear. Man I hate bra shopping. Everybody's boobs must be shaped way differently than mine. Once you figure out size, then you've got to try on every variety to see what actually works. So, just a few things and I'm set till spring/summer. That's a wardrobe I totally have to replace. I'm pretty determined to really limit my clothes buying. Free me up from "stuff." My husband will actually be able to use one of our bedroom dressers which will allow us to put the rubbermaid dresser he's been using in our back sitting room down in the basement where it belongs. Getting rid of "stuff" is incredibly freeing. The trick is not replacing it with more "stuff." I'm between a 12 and 14 in pants and I'm a L on top. At 5'9", those are really "normal" sizes to be in. I'm only going to buy stuff I absolutely need and love. Probably a lot of thrift store visits to save $. My DB and DSIL and their grown DD, DS, and DDIL decided to come here from MI and stay at my DM's overnite so will be seeing them tomorrow aft and eve. So all my kids and GK's will be going there as well as my DSis's family. My sons work for the same company and have been furloughed over the holidays and will only be working 4 days/wk when they go back. I know it takes a long time once a recession has ended before joblessness improves, but I surely hope it does soon. I also hope they straighten out healthcare soon. The cost of medical care has sent so many jobs overseas and employers have made so many people part-time in order to avoid paying benefits, and so many would-be businesses don't get off the ground because of fear of no coverage, that I don't think employment will really improve, nor will decent wages be paid until health care costs are shared more fairly and contained, and everyone has access to equal benefits without overwhelming out-of-pocket costs and denial of coverage for every little thing. There, that's my rant. So many members of my family have been impacted by unemployment or underemployment, and by the poorly run and unfair practice's of so many insurance companies that I can lose my serenity thinking about it. Especially when the top layer of administrators are walking off with obscene amounts of money that somehow don't get taxed. Well, life's not fair. That's always the truth so I just have to accept that and get on with righting whatever injustices are within my power to change. That's why I teach where I teach. That's why I support the educational needs of a student in Africa. That's why I financially support my church's Take It To The Street ministries. That's why I walked that fine line between supporting my children but doing it in such a way that they became independent, contributing members of society. At school this past semester, we worked on Acts of Kindness as a school body and published them on a wall as students and faculty brought in reports of what they'd done. The faculty and staff also were encouraged to write out Pats on the Back for each other that were published and displayed in the teacher's lounge. On this thread we offer those pats on the back as well as the kind of support that walks that fine line between enabling people to continue in their food dysfunction or being overly critical and driving them into the food. We support people but also carefront them if that's needed. My challenge for the new year is that we all expand our circle of influence by expanding those acts of kindness and pats on the back to all our acquaintances and beyond. Let's ring in justice, mercy, and encouragement to the oppressed and the depressed. That's my anti-rant.

Monday, December 28, 2009 Maintenance Fears Studies have shown that a subset of people with food addictions have an even harder time losing weight and maintaining than other food addicts. After testing, it was determined that these people have ADHD and use food to self-medicate their ADHD. The ADHD also prevents them from doing things like counting pts., calories, protein, carbs or any system out there. They have trouble keeping track of things on paper, or on Blackberries or any other device or system. They are also much more likely to give in to impulses because the part of the brain that governs impulses is actually less active than in people without ADHD. In fact, brain imaging shows that the harder ADHD people try to focus on something they find difficult to do, the less active that part of the brain becomes. It's like being a perpetual teenager where possible long term consequences aren't important enough to inhibit short term behavior. We use food to quell our restlessness, give us an outlet for our energy (biting, chewing, swallowing), and to enable us to sit still and concentrate. We have trouble maintaining anything longterm. ADHD is closely tied to almost all addictions, and makes recovery very difficult from any addiction. If you haven't experienced it, its hard to describe it. I will tell you that my husband has absolutely no doubts about my ADHD. He used to get up and get me chocolate just to settle me down and get me to sit. However, ADHD people can go into hyper-focus with something that really interests them and can complete a major project in a short period of time. Just like I've lost most of the weight in a short period of time. However, once a project is completed they lose interest and go on to the next thing. Entrepreneurs are frequently ADHD. Once they've established their company, they need to turn it over to others to manage it or they'll destroy what they've created. That's like me and maintenance. Goal achieved, interest gone. ADHD people are creative and spontaneous. Those are our gifts. But most of us are not cabable of following even a relatively rigid routine. I know that I have to do some of the work. But I need the band to be pretty tight to check those impulses very quickly. I know better than to think that I can do it myself. Right now, I pb with one or two small bites of dense protein. Especially if I've had no sliders all day long except liquids. But after five minutes I can go ahead and eat a 6-8 oz filet mignon as long as I eat small bites slowly and chew well. I could then keep eating all night long anything I want as long as I eat slowly and chew well. Right now I'm choosing to stop eating. But that's because I have that short-term goal in mind. Once I reach it, I'll lose that hyper-focus. Also, my band has loosened as I've lost weight, and 5-7 lbs tends to loosen the band enough so that I need another fill. Since I want to lose more than that in order to build in a cushion, I'm pretty sure I'll need another fill both to get there and then to help me maintain. Even with another fill, I don't expect it to be easy. I could be wrong. I hope I am. But most people don't outgrow ADHD. They learn to cope with it and to find compensating techniques. Well, my major compensating technique has been food. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the ADHD without food. Going back to school will be a major test of that. I don't know how to study without food. I don't know how to get through research without food. I don't even want to think about writing papers and doing footnotes and bibliographies without food. Initially, I'm hoping that it will be interesting and challenging enough to hold my attention. The school may also have help available for people with an identified learning disability. Don't know if they do at a master's level, however. I'm also looking into a support group for ADHD. I've got the spiritual support. I've got the lap-bandtalk support. I use my blog and lapbandtalk to supply emotional support and to deal with my issues. I've got a strong 12-step background. The hardest part is the ADHD combined with the addiction center of my brain. I may end up on medication for the ADHD. I will do that before I'll let the food take over my life and my health again. Meanwhile, the high protein low carb food protocol I'm on is actually recommended for ADHD. But I've successfully done this protocol before and eventually the ADHD has always overpowered it. But I've never had the band before and I'm praying a tight band will make the difference. Meanwhile, I continue to work on changing my thoughts in order to change my brain in order to change my life. I need to believe that, with God's help, this band will provide me with the appropriate tool to permanantly change my eating habits. I also need to continue to work on getting my own life and getting what I want from my life and relationships whether others concur or not. I've got to accept people for who they are and where they're at but not let that impede me from doing what I need to do to take care of myself. That, too, is changing those old codependant thoughts that have furrowed such a deep rut in my brain that I'll probably be working on changing them for the rest of my life. It would be really nice if God let me know very clearly whether or not I should go back to school to get my masters. But it seems he wants me to do the footwork of investigating schools and thinking about the long-term consequences of getting the degree or not getting the degree. Just like he chose not to remove the food addiction but cleared the way for me to have lapband surgery, I have to go through the process. Just like he hasn't gifted my husband with a job but is making him go through training and job-hunting in the security field. Just like he's not letting me know till next summer whether I'll have a job next year or not, so I've got to prepare just in case I don't. I have to believe that, with God's help, I can change my life. I can have these epiphanies, these paradigm shifts. And, like anything worthwhile, I'm going to have to work for it.

Apples. Had kidney stones once. Once was enough. I think they gave me straight morphine as well as a powerful antiinflammatory. Until they did I couldn't stop throwing up. Do you throw up? I had to have mine ultrasound shocked to help it pass. Hugs hugs hugs.

Monday, December 28, 2009 Maintenance Fears Studies have shown that a subset of people with food addictions have an even harder time losing weight and maintaining than other food addicts. After testing, it was determined that these people have ADHD and use food to self-medicate their ADHD. The ADHD also prevents them from doing things like counting pts., calories, protein, carbs or any system out there. They have trouble keeping track of things on paper, or on Blackberries or any other device or system. They are also much more likely to give in to impulses because the part of the brain that governs impulses is actually less active than in people without ADHD. In fact, brain imaging shows that the harder ADHD people try to focus on something they find difficult to do, the less active that part of the brain becomes. It's like being a perpetual teenager where possible long term consequences aren't important enough to inhibit short term behavior. We use food to quell our restlessness, give us an outlet for our energy (biting, chewing, swallowing), and to enable us to sit still and concentrate. We have trouble maintaining anything longterm. ADHD is closely tied to almost all addictions, and makes recovery very difficult from any addiction. If you haven't experienced it, its hard to describe it. I will tell you that my husband has absolutely no doubts about my ADHD. He used to get up and get me chocolate just to settle me down and get me to sit. However, ADHD people can go into hyper-focus with something that really interests them and can complete a major project in a short period of time. Just like I've lost most of the weight in a short period of time. However, once a project is completed they lose interest and go on to the next thing. Entrepreneurs are frequently ADHD. Once they've established their company, they need to turn it over to others to manage it or they'll destroy what they've created. That's like me and maintenance. Goal achieved, interest gone. ADHD people are creative and spontaneous. Those are our gifts. But most of us are not cabable of following even a relatively rigid routine. I know that I have to do some of the work. But I need the band to be pretty tight to check those impulses very quickly. I know better than to think that I can do it myself. Right now, I pb with one or two small bites of dense protein. Especially if I've had no sliders all day long except liquids. But after five minutes I can go ahead and eat a 6-8 oz filet mignon as long as I eat small bites slowly and chew well. I could then keep eating all night long anything I want as long as I eat slowly and chew well. Right now I'm choosing to stop eating. But that's because I have that short-term goal in mind. Once I reach it, I'll lose that hyper-focus. Also, my band has loosened as I've lost weight, and 5-7 lbs tends to loosen the band enough so that I need another fill. Since I want to lose more than that in order to build in a cushion, I'm pretty sure I'll need another fill both to get there and then to help me maintain. Even with another fill, I don't expect it to be easy. I could be wrong. I hope I am. But most people don't outgrow ADHD. They learn to cope with it and to find compensating techniques. Well, my major compensating technique has been food. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the ADHD without food. Going back to school will be a major test of that. I don't know how to study without food. I don't know how to get through research without food. I don't even want to think about writing papers and doing footnotes and bibliographies without food. Initially, I'm hoping that it will be interesting and challenging enough to hold my attention. The school may also have help available for people with an identified learning disability. Don't know if they do at a master's level, however. I'm also looking into a support group for ADHD. I've got the spiritual support. I've got the lap-bandtalk support. I use my blog and lapbandtalk to supply emotional support and to deal with my issues. I've got a strong 12-step background. The hardest part is the ADHD combined with the addiction center of my brain. I may end up on medication for the ADHD. I will do that before I'll let the food take over my life and my health again. Meanwhile, the high protein low carb food protocol I'm on is actually recommended for ADHD. But I've successfully done this protocol before and eventually the ADHD has always overpowered it. But I've never had the band before and I'm praying a tight band will make the difference. Meanwhile, I continue to work on changing my thoughts in order to change my brain in order to change my life. I need to believe that, with God's help, this band will provide me with the appropriate tool to permanantly change my eating habits. I also need to continue to work on getting my own life and getting what I want from my life and relationships whether others concur or not. I've got to accept people for who they are and where they're at but not let that impede me from doing what I need to do to take care of myself. That, too, is changing those old codependant thoughts that have furrowed such a deep rut in my brain that I'll probably be working on changing them for the rest of my life. It would be really nice if God let me know very clearly whether or not I should go back to school to get my masters. But it seems he wants me to do the footwork of investigating schools and thinking about the long-term consequences of getting the degree or not getting the degree. Just like he chose not to remove the food addiction but cleared the way for me to have lapband surgery, I have to go through the process. Just like he hasn't gifted my husband with a job but is making him go through training and job-hunting in the security field. Just like he's not letting me know till next summer whether I'll have a job next year or not, so I've got to prepare just in case I don't. I have to believe that, with God's help, I can change my life. I can have these epiphanies, these paradigm shifts. And, like anything worthwhile, I'm going to have to work for it.

Studies have shown that a subset of people with food addictions have an even harder time losing weight and maintaining than other food addicts. After testing, it was determined that these people have ADHD and use food to self-medicate their ADHD. The ADHD also prevents them from doing things like counting pts., calories, protein, carbs or any system out there. They have trouble keeping track of things on paper, or on Blackberries or any other device or system. They are also much more likely to give in to impulses because the part of the brain that governs impulses is actually less developed than in people without ADHD. It's like being a perpetual teenager where possible long term consequences aren't important enough to inhibit short term behavior. We use food to quell our restlessness, give us an outlet for our energy (biting, chewing, swallowing), and to enable us to sit still and concentrate. We have trouble maintaining anything longterm. ADHD is closely tied to almost all addictions, and makes recovery very difficult from any addiction. If you haven't experienced it, its hard to describe it. I will tell you that my husband has absolutely no doubts about my ADHD. He used to get up and get me chocolate just to settle me down and get me to sit. However, ADHD people can go into hyper-focus with something that really interests them and can complete a major project in a short period of time. Just like I've lost most of the weight in a short period of time. However, once a project is completed they lose interest and go on to the next thing. Entrepreneurs are frequently ADHD. Once they've established their company, they need to turn it over to others to manage it or they'll destroy what they've created. That's like me and maintenance. Goal achieved, interest gone. ADHD people are creative and spontaneous. Those are our gifts. But most of us are not cabable of following even a relatively rigid routine. I know that I have to do some of the work. But I need the band to be pretty tight to check those impulses very quickly. I know better than to think that I can do it myself. Right now, I pb with one or two small bites of dense protein. Especially if I've had no sliders all day long except liquids. But after five minutes I can go ahead and eat a 6-8 oz filet mignon as long as I eat small bites slowly and chew well. I could then keep eating all night long anything I want as long as I eat slowly and chew well. Right now I'm choosing to stop eating. But that's because I have that short-term goal in mind. Once I reach it, I'll lose that hyper-focus. Also, my band has loosened as I've lost weight, and 5-7 lbs tends to loosen the band enough so that I need another fill. Since I want to lose more than that in order to build in a cushion, I'm pretty sure I'll need another fill both to get there and then to help me maintain. Even with another fill, I don't expect it to be easy. I could be wrong. I hope I am. But most people don't outgrow ADHD. They learn to cope with it and to find compensating techniques. Well, my major compensating technique has been food. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the ADHD without food. Going back to school will be a major test of that. I don't know how to study without food. I don't know how to get through research without food. I don't even want to think about writing papers and doing footnotes and bibliographies without food.

Got a couple of holiday lbs to shed but didn't do too badly. Survived all parties while drugged, dripping, and sneezing from a bad cold. Wanted to get a lot done and have some fun but time has flown while my nose's been blown, now its back on track, ther'll be no more slack. Hah. Better get off the internet or I'll waste even more time. God bless Nyquil.

It took 2 parties to get together with all our kids but we did it. I sniffled and dripped despite drugs but slogged through preparing turkey and stuffing to bring to my daughter's on Christmas Day and again yesterday at my own house. DH and I spent Saturday and Sunday til people started arriving cleaning our house which was much needed as he's been sick for 2 weeks before I came down with it. We'd each do a little, sit down, do a little, sit down. Except yesterday, I didn't have much of a break, too much to do. Once DH's kids come over he tends to desert me to be with them and his DGD, but his DS and DSIL actually helped me serve and do clean-up. My mother also gave me a hand. However, once everyone left (later than I expected), DH takes over clean-up. Don't really have any NY's traditions. I've already spoken about our lack of friends. My family has already given me my birthday gifts and nobody's really interested in any more parties, at least not with us. They prefer to be with friends their own age who drink and have interests in common. My DSis is 15 yrs younger than me and has a wide circle of friends they get together with. We often go to an early movie but try to get home well before the crazies are out on the roads. I'm cleaning out closets and drawers of all clothes that don't fit. My DH got me a large jewelry chest. I've had boxes all over my dresser with various jewelry in them but they get all messed up and make keeping the dresser dusted a pain, so I'm going through all my jewelry and sorting and organizing that, too. I have some returns to Kohl's and a gift card to Kohl's so i can look forward to some shopping. This is one mother of a cold so mostly I'm taking it easy. Bought a book at a discount bookstore that's full of short story mysteries. I can read one or two and then do a little more work. I'm waiting to hear back from the professor of Sp. Ed. at a nearby University to see about enrolling for my Master's next semester. She must have gone away on vacation and is not checking or returning e-mail or phone messages. I also called about another fill and left a message but have not heard back. Gotta get a crown on the 29th. Yuck. Husband got us a Wii for Christmas/birthday. Surprised me. I have a $50 Visa gift card that I think we'll use to get the Wii Activ. I haven't been able to exercise for days with this cold and with the parties. I had gone twice to the community center to walk last week but then I got sick. Phyll. Good job on refusing to pick up the phone. Great. Good attitude with your family. We give our families so much power over us to hurt us, manipulate us, and define us. One of the keys to recovering from food addiction, I believe, is learning to define ourselves as individuals apart from our roles in our families. This past year I've been learning to accept that my DH is not a people person and I don't have to sit in a chair in front of the TV and molt alongside him like we're too decrepit to do anything else. That's a recipe for disaster in the food department, as night-time eating in front of the TV is my biggest downfall. Going back to school may be the best thing I can do for me and my brain. Getting the Wii will also make our evenings more active, I'm hoping. I'm also very glad that DH finally did something about getting training to go back to work, at least part-time. I just couldn't stand watching him sit in front of the TV day and night while our finances faltered. He figured he was contributing just by existing and bringing in a Soc. Sec. check. Yes, he does the grocery shopping and all the laundry except for my clothes. But there are only two of us so there's not that much. He pays the bills and runs the errands and does some housecleaning, but leaves so much undone or poorly done. He's totally unhandy so house repairs tend to end up with him hurt or something broken. I need him to work and he finally got the message when I found out I might not have a job next year. I suspect he's somewhat bi-polar and is in the depressed stage and has been for some time. But he won't get help or do the things he needs to do to get himself out of his funk. Only when circumstances force him to, like my job insecurity, will he finally take action. The man I thought I'd married was a lot more fun. We met dancing and that is the one thing that can still bring out the fun side of him. His kids and DGD do, too, but they both live more than 40 minutes away and have busy lives. So I'm coming to accept that he's actually quite content to sit in front of the TV and watch every old movie and current Hallmark movie or Lifetime movie. But, just like I did with my former husband, I need to get my own life. I can't depend on him financially, so I'm going back to school at 58 yrs. old. I had the lapband surgery and lost the weight and got active again. I blog and go on lapband talk and facebook while being in the same room with him and monitoring TV if it interests me. If my hands and mind are busy, I don't eat. I think he's actually going to really get into the Wii as he's always liked playing games and is a computer person. He's trying out the boxing game right now. Having the Wii will also make it more fun for all our kids to come over here so maybe we'll do more entertaining. Now that the basement's mold is gone I feel better about having people over. It's still a mess down there and we can't use it but at least I know people aren't smelling or breathing mold when they come over. I've set aside $10,000 from a refinancing we did a few years ago and will use that next summer to refinish the basement and repair our roof and replace it. Unless I've no job lined up. Then we'll need it to live on. I have to keep a close eye on our finances because he will spend every last cent we have and put the rest on credit cards and not let me know we're in trouble. (That's the manic side of him.) I thought he'd learned his lesson from the bankruptcy he went through 3 years before he met me, but apparantly not. He's a people pleaser and will buy things just because he thinks I'll like them or thinks we need them. I had to finance our house (which I'd purchased and was totally paid for) partly to pay off the credit card bills he'd run up without my knowledge. The rest was for fixing up the house and basement and then the floods came and destroyed all I'd spent on that. He also wasted some of that money on purchases that weren't necessary and didn't get quotes and shop around on the work that got done on the house. He paid people to do things that even he could have done himself. These are all things that contributed to my gaining more weight since I married him than I ever did before. So I took back control of the money, making him show me all the bills. He still pays them, but I have a better idea of where we are financially even though it offends him that I don't trust him. Oh well. I also made it very clear that I expected him to get another job. Don't know if it'll help him get out of his funk but it'll put him out of my misery. He's only going to be 63 and he's not dead yet. He has no hobbies other than playing guitar and writing songs. He used to be part of the music ministry at church but gets so huffy over everything that we were both better off when he quit. This is a huge post and normally I'd blog about this stuff but he reads my blogs so you all are stuck with it. Sorry. I guess my point is that we can't allow relationships to define us or get in the way of us taking care of ourselves. My husband is majorly depressed and there's not much I can do about it but take care of myself, see to it that his depression and financial irresponsibiltiy aren't putting me in any more jeapordy, and get my own life while still living peacefully with him. I'm grateful that he does help keep me organized and takes care of the paperwork and details that frustrate me, and helps remind me of various meetings and phone calls and so on that I have to make. Enough. Thanks for listening. Cheri

Apologies Melissa for mistaking you for Meredith. Hope you're not in too much pain today. Epsom salts? Hot bath? Anti-inflammatories? Love how Nyquil makes me sleep. Gotta clean house for tomorrow's group. I'll try not to drip over everything. Cheri

Merideth, glad you're OK. We had terrible driving conditions coming home from my daughter's today. Black ice. We'd had rain all night and half the day when the temp started dropping and turned to blowing snow and got very cold. Ice sheets and very icy packed down snow. We crept along as did everyone else.

Merry Christmas all. I had a great Christmas despite being stuffed and drippy on one side of my head. Even my eye is dripping tears. Sinus swelling must have blocked duct. Don't you hate when that happens? I'm hoping it will clear up without trading sides. At least I can breathe through one side. My DH surprised me with a Wii. I got a Visa gift card that should cover getting the Wii fit. I had so much fun watching my grandkids open presents today. I got them all winter hats from Mast General in Ashville NC when I was there at Thanksgiving. I stuffed the hats with old-fashioned slinkies and real harmonicas and painted recorders (flutes). The two youngest also got one of those old fashioned tops that you pump on and when they spin they hum. My other grandson got Tinkertoys. My older step-granddaughters got hats with bandannas, hand painted earings, carved semi-precious stone necklaces carved like a bat for the Goth child and butterfly for the social butterfly, Christmas socks from Mast (one red one green), and a harmonica. My dad plays harmonica and I always wanted one as a kid and would have liked to learn. So the kids are used to him playing harmonica. My daughter is going to have a noisy house with 1 recorder and 5 harmonicas (I gave 1 to the men, too.) One way you know you gave good toys is when the adults are all playing with them. They were all old-fashioned toys including some wooden puzzles. No batteries or assembly required. Hey Great. I've been thinking about your mother and sisters and I have a theory. Your sisters sound very needy and you don't. Mothers who are very codependent will gravitate to the needy children and shun the child they don't perceive as needing them. She may even minimize or belittle your accomplishments in order to make you need her approval. It's probably not even conscious. You have some choices. You can tell your mother that you still need her, not to rescue you, not to give you her approval, but to spend time and enjoy herself with you and your family. If she can't do that, you can just mentally put her in "time-out". Be pleasant and civil if she contacts you but don't pursue her. It's always amazing to me that, to paraphrase an old nursery rhyme, when you leave them alone, they'll come home, dragging their tails behind them. Your sisters seem to have put themselves in "time-out." I'd leave them there indefinitely. Again, don't pursue. They sound like miserable people so let them sit in their own misery. I totally ignored my daughter after she hung up on me the other day. Then suddenly she called a few days later and asked could I cook the turkey and stuffing and bring them to her house on Christmas. Of course I did. And the son who couldn't come today and whom I refused to pressure about it despite my daughter's anger is coming to my house Sunday when my DH's kids and grandkid come over. So, it all worked out and I'll get to see each grandchild, just not at the same time. And I love being able to post about me and my issues so don't hesitate on my account. I can't reply to all of you but I read all of your posts and care about you all. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Cheri

Linda, congratulations on 100 lbs off. Also I, too, am totally bummed about not being able to go in February. Heard a great little story. A friend posted on FB about her 2 yr. old daughter who asked where her daddy's momma (her grandma) was and why she wouldn't be seeing her. Her momma told her grandma was mean to her daddy and was living in Florida. So the child said, "Grandma's in time-out in Florida." Wish I could put some of my relatives in time-out. They can come out when they can be nice. Well, came down with another cold. My husband is just finishing a two week bad version which followed my one week milder version. Everyone have a Merry and very blessed Christmas. Cheri

OK. I'm not alone with the mixed feelings. Thanks, guys. Just found out I need to get a crown. I have a cracked tooth that couldn't be seen on the x-rays cause its lengthwise. The Dr. had me bite down hard on some implement and the pain came on releasing the bite. I'd been having sensitivity to hot and cold and aching if I used that side to chew. Yuck, yuck, pooey. Could lead to root canal. Yuck, yuck, pooey. Going in the 29th. Could have gone in 30th but that's my B-day.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009 Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life Watched a youtube video by Dr. Daniel Amen on changing your thoughts, changing your brain, changing your life.The latest brain research shows that if you deliberately work on changing your thought patterns (you may need counseling and, at least initially, medication to jumpstart the process), you can create new neural pathways in your brain that will supercede the negative thinking ones and will help you change your life. Your mind is, literally, in a rut. Changing your thought patterns (what some call a paradigm shift) gets you out of the rut. That's why during a conversion experience (coming to believe in a power greater than yourself, especially one who loves you unconditionally and, for me, one who cared enough about me to become an insignificant baby born in the humblest of mangers, one who's been through everything I've experienced and can walk through it with me) people are able to make significant changes in their lives. We all have mini-conversions and epiphanies throughout our lives. I think, for most of us, getting the band was a way to jumpstart getting out of the rut our brains have been in regarding food. I truly believe most of us were born with something different in our brains that made us prone to this particular addiction or rut. Life experiences deepened the rut until it became almost impossible to act differently when it came to food. Thank God for the inspiration and creativity he puts in mankind that allowed for the invention of the LAP-BAND®. Now, when my mind says "Eat more!" the band interrupts that thought and says, "You can't!" Eventually, my brain will say, "I won't!" Down the road, over time, as the rut gets filled in and smoothed out by new paths, my brain will tell me less and less often, "Eat more!" The 12 steps also work on helping to foster this paradigm shift in our brains. That's why its almost the only successful treatment for recovering from addictions. It creates that conversion experience or paradigm shift in the first three steps which have been summarized as: "I can't. He can. I'll let him." It's a system for cleaning out your old thoughts (stinkin' thinking) and behaviors and, with the help of God and other recovering people, replacing them with healthy thoughts and behaviors. The Bible told us how to do that 2000 years ago. LOL. Phillipians 4:8. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009 Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life Watched a youtube video by Dr. Daniel Amen on changing your thoughts, changing your brain, changing your life.The latest brain research shows that if you deliberately work on changing your thought patterns (you may need counseling and, at least initially, medication to jumpstart the process), you can create new neural pathways in your brain that will supercede the negative thinking ones and will help you change your life. Your mind is, literally, in a rut. Changing your thought patterns (what some call a paradigm shift) gets you out of the rut. That's why during a conversion experience (coming to believe in a power greater than yourself, especially one who loves you unconditionally and, for me, one who cared enough about me to become an insignificant baby born in the humblest of mangers, one who's been through everything I've experienced and can walk through it with me) people are able to make significant changes in their lives. We all have mini-conversions and epiphanies throughout our lives. I think, for most of us, getting the band was a way to jumpstart getting out of the rut our brains have been in regarding food. I truly believe most of us were born with something different in our brains that made us prone to this particular addiction or rut. Life experiences deepened the rut until it became almost impossible to act differently when it came to food. Thank God for the inspiration and creativity he puts in mankind that allowed for the invention of the LAP-BAND®. Now, when my mind says "Eat more!" the band interrupts that thought and says, "You can't!" Eventually, my brain will say, "I won't!" Down the road, over time, as the rut gets filled in and smoothed out by new paths, my brain will tell me less and less often, "Eat more!" The 12 steps also work on helping to foster this paradigm shift in our brains. That's why its almost the only successful treatment for recovering from addictions. It creates that conversion experience or paradigm shift in the first three steps which have been summarized as: "I can't. He can. I'll let him." It's a system for cleaning out your old thoughts (stinkin' thinking) and behaviors and, with the help of God and other recovering people, replacing them with healthy thoughts and behaviors. The Bible told us how to do that 2000 years ago. LOL. Phillipians 4:8. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Hey all. Last post was a little depressing. You should know that what I've mostly been focusing on is from Phillipians 4:8. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Watched a youtube video by Dr. Daniel Amen on changing your thoughts, changing your brain, changing your life. The latest brain research shows that if you deliberately work on changing your thought patterns (you may need counseling and, at least initially, medication to jumpstart the process), you can create new neural pathways in your brain that will supercede the negative thinking ones and will help you change your life. Your mind is, literally, in a rut. Changing your thought patterns (what some call a paradigm shift) gets you out of the rut. The Bible told us that 2000 years ago. LOL. That's why during a conversion experience (coming to believe in a power greater than yourself, especially one who loves you unconditionally and, for me, one who cared enough about me to become an insignificant baby born in the humblest of mangers, one who's been through everything I've experienced and can walk through it with me) people are able to make significant changes in their lives. We all have mini-conversions and epiphanies throughout our lives. I think, for most of us, getting the band was a way to jumpstart getting out of the rut our brains have been in regarding food. I truly believe most of us were born with something different in our brains that made us prone to this particular addiction or rut. Life experiences deepened the rut until it became almost impossible to act differently when it came to food. Thank God for the inspiration and creativity he puts in mankind that allowed for the invention of the lapband. Now, when my mind says "Eat more!" the band interrupts that thought and says, "You can't!" Eventually, my brain will say, "I won't!" Down the road, over time, as the rut gets filled in and smoothed out by new paths, my brain will tell me less and less often, "Eat more!" The 12 steps also work on helping to foster this paradigm shift in our brains. That's why its almost the only successful treatment for recovering from addictions. It creates that conversion experience or paradigm shift in the first three steps which have been summarized as: "I can't. He can. I'll let him." It's a system for cleaning out your old thoughts (stinkin' thinking) and behaviors and, with the help of God and other recovering people, replacing them with healthy thoughts and behaviors. We can change. And we change better with each other's help. Thanks to everyone on this thread for helping me change. Cheri

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 Mixed Feelings About Christmas Going through a divorce and changing churches and remarrying and moving really messed me and my kids all up on family holiday traditions. Haven't been able to really get anything consistant going. I also changed jobs along with the other changes--more than once, so building friendships has been very difficult. Thus, I have few non-family parties to go to. My husband is also a loner for the most part so haven't been able to build couple's friendships either. One friend from church left the church suddenly. Another is now working 70 hr weeks and I believe I offended her so she ignores any overtures. I'm also in a very wierd way caught between the black world and the white world. Hanging around black people so much at work and somewhat at church has made me no longer fit the white world very well, yet I'm not fully trusted and accepted in the black one either. Being ADHD also can get in the way of friendships. I can be too frank and impulsive in what I say and too self-revealing. Scares people away. I used to have a lot of friends in Alanon and we did fun things together, too. But when I remarried, my new DH didn't drink and making meetings became less of a necessity.I was also in a singles group where I was developing friends and that's where I met my DH which then took me out of the singles scene. All the things that have gone wrong with my house, as well as having DS and DDIL and baby living in my house before that really put the kabosh on entertaining, though I was part of two church community groups in a row, both of which eventually fell apart. I did have them meet at my house sometimes. Wierdly, the work I've done on myself in Alanon and in counseling and in reading tons of self-help books, as well as the work I've done bridging the gap between black and white, and the fact that I'm a much more independant thinking and behaving woman than most church women have all combined to make me not really fit in any group and to make it hard to find issues in common with other women. I can get by superficially but I haven't made deep friendships for a long time. I tend to avoid really needy women because they bring out my own codependency issues and I get angry at them finally for not doing what they need to do to improve their lives. Other women are so busy rescuing the needy women that they have no time for relatively healthy friendships. They let these people suck up all their time and energy. I see so much of that in women in my church. Also, so many events revolve around food and I think I've avoided those situations in order to keep from weighing even more than I eventually did. I'm also uncomfortable in big group social settings--and that includes family ones. I invariably stick my foot in my mouth and end up over-eating to medicate my nerves and shut my mouth. When I was a kid I would take a book and read at family events. If kids wanted to play outside or run around inside and play actively, then I participated and had a good time. I still will frequently find a relatively quiet place and talk to the one or two people who stop by, but I often wish I'd brought a book. So many people have nothing interesting to look at or read in their houses. Or they put it all away to straighten up the house for visitors. At my daughter's on Christmas Day there is only one room for all the adults to be in, and it'll be crowded. I think I'll play with the kids except for when we're all together opening presents. Christmas Eve won't be so bad. My sister-in-law's house has a room or two I can wander off to and get away from the crowd for a while. They'll also have booze, and booze, sad to say, does help. However, I never have more than two drinks. I really don't like the feeling of being even the least inebriated. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the holidays. We were so ultra-religious growing up that we spent a lot of that time in church. Christmas Eve and Christmas morning services. New Year's Eve and New Year's morning. Nobody drank at all but there was always food at family functions which occurred after church, mostly with my mom's family. We didn't really believe in Santa, but we opened presents on Christmas Eve.So I look forward to but I also dread the holidays. I allow myself more freedom to medicate with food at parties and try to not eat the days before and after. I'm sure I'm not the only one with mixed feelings. So I'm writing about it to acknowledge and hopefully deal with these issues at this time of year. But I mostly am concentrating on the good things. Abe Lincoln said, "Most people are as happy as they want to be." This holiday I'm trying to concentrate on the good things, the noble things, the pure things, the lovely things. There's a lot of brain research that shows if you want to change your life, you have to change your brain. To change your brain and create new ways of thinking you have to deliberately work on changing your thoughts. The Bible got that right 2000 years ago. Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.