cathgr8

I had my very first official PB today. I ate three bites of my usual snack, sliced turkey with a cracker, and then spent an hour in agony. Finally PB'd in the bathroom at a restaurant where I met an old friend, which helped immensely, then sat and watched her have lunch. No way I was chancing another episode. So after thirteen months, just when I started to think I might need a fill, I learned differently. I'm going to get to exercising and forget about being tighter!

Check out the thread "How is weight loss for those over 50". You'll see some great success stories. As for me, I'm 52 and have lost 99 pounds since June '06 without exercising.

OK, I think many of us have danced around this, but no one is really acknowledging the possibility. Do you think that many of us former molestees have chosen men who may have appealed to us because they were not all that aggressive sexually, because they were gentlemen, treated us with deference, etc.? I remember my late husband once saying "I have just bever been all that into sex" after one of our discussions many years into our marriage. It didn't occur to me until later that maybe I sensed that and that's why I felt safe enough to have a relationship with him. And my own feelings about sex were pretty conflicted too, but then as I matured and felt more at ease, I surpassed him in desire, and his lack of interest started to feel like my failing. Just a nagging thought.

Regina, please share your poetry. Monk, your son's poem as beautiful, it made me cry. What a great mom you are to inspire that. I too believe I was molested when I was 8, by my elementary school principal. I have been to therapy and I have blocked out all memory of that school year. This prompted questions to my mom, and it turned out she had been suspicious because I walked home from school in the middle of the day once, she called the office, and they told her I had left from the principal's office - that the principal had been taking me out of class to "tutor" me. I started telling her I was sick to avoid school, and at the end of that school year, we moved 50 miles away. All my life my parents had told everyone we moved because the weather in the old town was bad for my lungs. Since then I have learned a lot about overeating and a history of being molested. Now getting back to the topic of the thread, how do you molestation survivors think that has affected your ability to be intimate? In my case, I have always found it a struggle to trust someone enough to really let myself be in the moment. I have a partner now who has finally been able to break through that, but being guarded is a learned coping mechanism and still pops up from time to time. The extra weight really helped in that in my opinion. Without it, sometimes, I feel very raw and exposed.

Thanks for all the good wishes everyone. The best part of my new job is that it's 5 minutes from my house, whereas my old job is a 40 minute commute. That leaves me with no excuses not to exercise, right? For forty years I thought I had a slow metablolism. Why else was it so hard to lose weight and keep it off? The band has exposed the truth. I'm 52 years old and managed to lose 97 pounds in a year without an exercise program of any kind. In other words, my metabolism is probably quite efficient. But the weight loss is slowing and it is time to exercise now, so it's good that things are falling into place. Beautiful wedding pics. And I think I'm starting to feel motivated to cook again myself now, thanks Pinky. I have never cooked for my BF in the 8 months we've been together, though I'm always telling him about my best recipes. He'd probably be very jazzed if I actually made one! Not to mention my kids do miss their favorites. I always equated cooking, especially sweets, with showing love. I've tried to break that connection since the band, but I think I may have gone a bit overboard. Have a great day everyone.

Hi Junebies, Yesterday I wrote that I was dreading turning down a great new job hat wasn't going to pay enough. Today I'm dreading giving notice at the old job. When I told the new boss I couldn't take a pay cut, he matched my current salary. I tell you, since I had the surgery and started regaining some self confidence, everything seems to be going my way. I don't think it's just coincidence. Anybody else having this kind of experience?

Hello, just checking in after the roll call and reminder from Pinkylee. I'm on a bit of a plateau here. I was hoping to have lost 100 lbs before my BF takes me to Vegas this weekend, but I don't think it's in the cards. I keep going up three and then down three. My problem (it's a nice problem, I'll allow) is BF comes down every Friday and spends the weekend. Each weekend is like a mini vacation, so we go out to eat and have a cocktail here and there, so I'm not monitoring my calories too well. I was trying to get a new job, but it turns out I'm as highly paid as possible in my position, so the new job had everything I wanted except enough money. Guess I'm stuck for now with an unpleasant boss and work environment, got bills to pay and all that. Dreading the call to decline the offer today. My kids are also talking to each other about how I'm never home anymore when they need me. When I had the surgery, the timing was partly because they were making their own lives and I knew if I was going to get back out there, I had to feel better about how I looked. Now that I do have a life, they miss me sitting on the couch every night and all weekend in case they might have a few spare minutes to talk to me. Hope those with challenges get through them OK, I do read this thread every day even when I have little to report.

My face is a lot thinner, and I do look prettier, but I'm very self conscious about the new bags and wrinkles from the weight loss, especially my neck sag. I am going to have Thermage on Saturday. It's a laser type treatment for lines and wrinkles on the face and neck, usually quite expensive, but my freind is a medical esthetician and talked the doctor into letting me do it for free for the before and after shots in her portfolio. I told her WLS patients are a good target market. The improvements can appear gradually over 6 months, so I'll have a series of after shots. It will be interesting to see how it turns out, as the peak improvement should coincide with me reaching my goal weight.

I lived in the same community for 13 years, then moved and had the surgery. I just moved back again after eighteen months away, 97 pounds lighter. Of course I just walk up to old acquaintances when I see them and say "Hi", forgetting that I don't look the same and it's been a long time. I have gotten some pretty confused looks! I have received a lot of amazed compliments after I reminded them who they were talking to! I also got a wonderful compliment from my primary care doc when I went in for a physical. He said I look beautiful, that my skin is bouncing back wonderfully, and then gave me a big hug.

New? How about old? My very first boyfriend from 9th grade found me on the internet after 36 years. In November, we re-met after I had lost about 55 lbs. Of course, I was still almost a hundred pounds overweight, but it didn't matter, we fell instantly for each other. He is now my biggest lap-band supporter, but I honestly think he doesn't even notice the weight. He thinks I'm beautiful; and tells me all the time. I've lost another 42 pounds since we met, and when I told him that the other day, he was honestly surprised.

I'll chime in and also recommend chatting as a possible way to cut through the communication difficulty. My BF and I met once in November, felt an immediate attraction, but then were forced to get to know each other through Skype chats because he lives three hundred miles away. We joke now that each day we Skyped (sometimes for 12 hour or more) was like a month in real time, each month like a year. It became very intimate, very fast. It might be awkward in a long term relationship to suggest or start it, but if you already have the access, it might not hurt to IM him at work or in the evening when he's on the internet, and see what reaction you get?

Life is too short to be without intimacy with the one person the God gave to you to be with in that way. Making love opens all sorts of other doors into your lives that to say that part can be left out and be ok is insane. That is the one way to share the very most being of ourselves with the one person that we love the most. Deanna This is the way I feel exactly. And maybe avoiding intimacy is a way of keeping some doors shut, and I think that issue needs to be looked at before a spouse decides to just accept it. That was very true in my marriage. My husband was only 38 when he died, so in a very real sense, life was too short, and we didn't address this issue in the time we had so we could try to enjoy a full and fulfilling marriage in all ways before his life was cut short. I regret that very much, expecially now that so many years later I finally have an opportunity to understand what we were missing. It's not too late.

It makes me sad to hear of so many relationships that have problems wih intimacy. I had a similar relationship with my husband. By the time he died of cancer at age 38, we had gone years having sex only 2-3 times a year. Looking back, we had issues relating to resentment and anger that we took out on each other by withholding. And then for fourteen years I used my weight to avoid any relationships at all. I loved my husband, and he was my very best friend, yet it had been so empty and unsatisfying physically I began to think it must be impossible to have a fulfilling relationship in all ways, and I wasn't willing to settle again. Then I had the surgery, lost weight, met someone and learned that I was totally wrong. I understand how many of you feel, that this is better than nothing, or a bad relationship, and for some that may be enough. I might have done the same thing had my husband lived. But please think long and hard before wasting years with someone you will never really be fulfilled with. Think about the underlying reasons that you are not able to be intimate. I regret the wasted time, but I am so very happy that I have some years ahead with the perfect man for me in every way. In my marriage, the infrequent sex was a fifteen minute break. Now, I am with a man with ED from prostate cancer, so we have intercourse infrequently, but I have learned, a man does not need an erection to have an orgasm, or to enjoy giving and receiving pleasure on a regular basis.

Today is my bandiversary. I woke up and weighed in, very pleased that I have lost 6 pounds this month. Congratulations to all of us Junebies. Just think of how much healthier and happier we are after just one year. I've been lucky to lose quickly, but even smaller amounts have such a big impact on our health and self esteem. We did a great thing for ourselves ladies! I'm having thr BF take an anniversary pic today, and i'll try to get it on here. Have a great weekend all!

It's interesting to learn how many of us were widowed. I lost my husband to melanoma at age 38, leaving me to raise two adopted children, one with emotional and learning problems. Food was my comfort, my reward, my stimulant, and my anesthetic. I started the work on my food issues well before I had the surgery, and when I finally did it, I was ready to interact with the world in a different way. I am now in a wonderful relationship with a man I'd have missed out on had he asked me to see him when I was 140 lbs. overweight. We were first loves at age 14 and he never saw me that fat. I'd have declined the offer as I'd have been too embarrassed at my appearance. Interestingly, he has been fighting prostate cancer (though at this point he's doing very well), but I'm not even afraid of the potential for losing him. I guess knowing I got through it once, I can risk it again.

I finally had my first ever sliming episode. In the past week, I have had three big golf balls, but I didn't heed the warning...I had three bites of chicken at our office lunch for Admin Professionals Day and experienced the most awful pain. Lasted about twenty minutes. I made two trips to the restroom, finally I just knew I was going to PB, so I got up again, but by the time I got to the restroom, it had resolved completely. I've been taking it very easy since, liquids and mushies and small portions only. I think my last fill gave me more restriction than I originally thought, so I'm going to have to relearn the rules. I've been letting myself get too hungry and then eating the first bites too quickly.

By the way Aimee, you're getting married on my 52nd birthday. I've been through ups and downs galore and I can honestly say that I have never felt better or happier in my life than I do right now. The decision to have the surgery is the primary reason. I needed to take control of my life and move forward in a positive way. That attitude has transformed my relationships with my children and brought a wonderful man into my life. Try to remember how you felt when you made your decision. You can reclaim your wedding joy now. Let go of the stress and feel every bit of it!

Aimee, Google that finding on your mammogram. It looks like they'll probably just recommend a repeat mammo in 6 months, probably benign. That means you'll have to work hard to put it out of your mind for now and get back on track. It sucks that you had to change your wedding plans, but it's all done now. Go make some wonderful portraits, and don't forget to look at them next to a before picture. You've come a long way. Enjoy this month.

Hi Junebies, Sorry everyone is having challenges. I went away for the weekend and ate way too many sweets. Avoiding the scales til Friday. My firm is updating its web site and took a new pic of me last week. Here it is next to the old one.

Regina, you look hot! I have lost 6 pounds since my fill, including three I had regained. I'm motivated again, and have a One Year Anniversary goal now of 100 pounds lost. I know I can do it, too!

Barbara, You look awesome, even from the side (that's my weak spot). Doesn't it feel great? My arms look pretty much the same, but lately, my sleeves seem a bit looser, so I'm hopeful some of it will tighten up.

I'm responding to Karla's wonderings. I was off the market for fourteen years after my husband died and while I was raising my kids. I also used to wonder like her about the person I would end up with - where was he, what was he doing? As some of you know, it turned out to be my first boyfriend who found me on the internet in October after 36 years. And in comparing our life stories, we have found some eerie parallels - we both had pneumonia in the same month in 1978, he split from his wife on February 10, 1992, the same day my husband was diagnosed with cancer, our (6) kids all have names that end in the letter "n" (Brandon, Dustin, Ryan, Shannon, Alison and Kevin), we obsessed over the same albums/CD's in the same years, the list goes on. I think we spent all that time becoming the perfect persons for each other. Don't give up folks, that person is really out there, and when the time is right, you will meet.

Barbara, You're my new role model. I'm moving this weekend, and once I do, it's all about the exercise. I definitely feel a restriction since my fill last week. I'm eating about half as much as I was. This morning I ate one small bite of bacon, and had a golf ball for ten minutes. On the positive side, my pants are looser today than when I wore them last Wednesday, though I haven't been on a scale yet. BTW, the old/new BF is working out beautifully thank you, except for the long distance part, which may not be a problem for long. His house goes on the market next week, and he's going to look for a job in L.A. :clap2: He is the most supportive person where my lap band eating needs are concerned too. Had to know every detail about the surgery and how it works, and was amazed at how little I ate this weekend after my fill. He cooks me eggs for breakfast and fish and veggies for dinner and when we go out he always orders something with lots of protein and shares it with me. And he couldn't care less about my saggy wrinkled body, he thinks I'm beautiful and tells me all the time. For those who worry about telling a new guy about the surgery, if it's the right guy, the response might be very positive. I tipped him off in an email before we ever re-connected in person and I'm glad I did.

Has anyone else ever had a "dynamic fill?" I had a fill last week, sitting up while drinking water. When I felt the water start to pool up, my doctor stopped and then withdrew a little, since food would get stuck more than water. I ended up getting .6 cc, and I definitely feel more restriction, so it seems to have worked just fine. If only I hadn't gone to visit my BF over the weekend and had way too many cocktails...

Nine months out, and I have an occasional golf ball, but no slime, no PB.