Never_Again

Ive had my lapband for 3 years now in August...I hate it...I want it out so bad, and cant afford the surgery. Im so miserable, I cant eat, I cant drink...I dont even have a fill in. I went by the guidelines my doctor gave me, I never lost a lot of weight. I throw up all the time, its so embarassing when your on a date or just hanging out with friends. I cant take it anymore, sometimes I just want to rip it out. Ive had complications since the first day I had it, but ignored it. When I brought them up to my doctor a couple of months later, he said I was fine and that I was basically lying about what I was eating. He all but told me I was a liar, and that I wasnt pretty because Im fat...I endured this for 2 years! I finally stood up for myself, he blacklisted me on my medical records, now doctors wont take me because of the notes on my records despite my begging and pleading. I hate how people are given power with something as simple as a Ph.D. I wish I would have researched it more, I wish I had thought it out more. I dont necessarily regret it, I just wish I would have used a different doctor with a more supportive attitude and staff. Im so embarassed, sometimes I tell people I dont have it anymore just so they dont ask why I didnt lose the weight. The smallest I got at one point was 165, and I didnt stay there long....thats when I was puking every single thing that I attempted to swallow, even sucking on hard candy. Im not saying I want to eat a burger, or something greasy and gross....I just want to enjoy eating chicken again and salads and fruits...I want to be able to eat something that is cold and not throw it up. (Ive only been able to hold down things that are warm). I want to live again. But Im completely without insurance, and the only way to get my band checked for problems is to go to the ER and pretty much demand a upper GI test. I dont have money, Im a single mother and full-time student. Im so embarassed, I feel like a failure...I hate this, I wouldnt recommend it to ANYONE! Im thinking about possibly getting it taken out and having a mini-gastric bypass in the next five years....it just makes me cry to think I have to live with this for 5 years...or more...I hate explaining to people that I dont know whats wrong, I hate being a failure, I hate being fat...Ive done everything in the book at least twice to lose the weight...and it just doesnt come off the way its suppose to...Im hoping that when I get insurance again, if I get it again, that I can have some blood tests run on my metabolism and thyroid. Its gotten to where Im dizzy a lot, I fell down last night...I eat maybe one meal a day, I dont snack and I usually throw most of what I eat up...including liquids. I have had problems with my body rejecting foreign objects (like piercings) before, and Im thinking that my body rejected my lapband or something...IDK I just want it gone! I cant go out to eat with friends, I have to sit and suffer....watching everyone else eat and get something to go or wait until I get home and eat some Cereal for fear of getting sick. Now Im just rambling...I have tears rolling down my face, I never cry...Im not a crier at all...but it hurts so bad, emotionally and physically...my stomach always feels like someone is stabbing it with a knife or punching it with a tight fist....sometimes it feels like it is litterally tied in a knot! I just hope and pray for insurance soon, for answers to my questions....I want to live, and enjoy life again...I dont understand why nothing ever works for me...Ive been on every "lifestyle change", diet suppliment, fad diet, in the world...most of these diets or lifestyle changes or whatever you want to call them require you to eat a lot more during the day than Ive ever been able to eat....Ive never been a chronic overeater, ofcourse Ive overeaten sometimes, but never a lot, I usually stuck to 2-3 meals a day and never any Snacks....I never was a fan of "real soda" so I usually drank diet (which now I drink coke zero when I do get something, but one can lasts me ALL day)...Damn America and high costs of healthcare! and poopoo on the insurance company for calling weight-loss surgery cosmetic although they consider me morbidly obese...I want to be normal for once..Im tired of being the fat friend...much less the failed fat friend....Sometimes I think its better to just be fat, than to be fat and have had weight loss surgery because then people just talk about how much you basically suck at life...and how you must stuff your face with pudding and such......Ive got news for them, I dont like pudding, I dont like ice cream, I sure as hell cant stand snack cakes......Im not a very unhealthy person.....but I cant lose the weight..... Ill stop, Im repeating myself....Im just so frustrated right now.....Im tired of puking my guts up every single day!

Back on insurance and searching for a doctor like crazy...I had to quit my job due to the strain it was putting on my band due to stress and the fact that I was so sick all the time. Funny thing though, the day after I quit I was able to eat a VERY little bit and hold it down and ever since then I have gradually been able to eat. food is so good lol!! I have figured out (undiagnosed for now) that I believe that I have developed a little allergy to eggs though, everytime I eat anything with a significant amount of egg or mostly composed of egg I get violently ill.... I dont mean "lapband throwing up" (Im sure all of you know that being "real" sick and lapband sick are two TOTALLY different things and feelings) and the next day the other option to get rid of toxins comes along. I am going to have to have major dental work once I am done with all the throwing up, my molars are getting so worn down that I can actually feel the problems. I think I finally have a light at the end of the tunnel. I believe we are now going to hire an attorney to handle my case being as my doctor may have violated my rights as a patient. Things are looking up...I have my bad days where I pretty much stay over the toilet or in bed, sometimes it goes on for weeks....but atleast Ive come to realize that it doesnt last forever, although I know it is going to sporadically continue until the band is removed. Good luck to all.

For anyone who is still subscribed... I took my word and didnt log on for a LONG time. I wanted to thank everyone for their effort, time, and input. I am sorry for the way I responded, I was an emotional mess and I suppose I just wanted to say: "here's a doctor, he/she finances, see if he/she can take you." Or someone to say, "you should try eating this or that." I have sense been in and out of the ER, not one time will they check my band despite my pleading and begging. My doctor has been reported to the state medical board, but Im yet to know anything. I finally lost 10 pounds, but I wish I had lost it healthier because as soon as I am able to eat anything Ill gain it all back because my body is in starvation mode. I was diagnosed with low blood pressure problems and have to eat plain salt to keep myself half-way functioning since I cant hold anything down and if I do, Im in EXTREME pain afterward. Im still looking for a doctor, Im thinking about looking around the Dallas/FW areas since I have exhausted my area and Houston to the fact that they no longer answer my phone calls at any of the offices or they answer and put me on hold until I or their automated waiting system hangs up. I am hoping to get on health insurance soon through my dad's job because I cant afford mine at my job. I cant take out private health insurance because of my lapband Im better now, and Im sorry for my prudence and craziness...I was looking for some form of easy miracle I suppose, because I was so bad off. Im on my way there again, I havent eaten an actual meal since AUGUST...I have knick knacked on various things...but I usually dont even try until I get in from work and my daughter is in bed because I cant be a good mommy and a good employee when Im in pain and puking. I hope to find a surgeon to take it out very soon, Im hoping that insurance comes through in the next few weeks because I am almost to the point that I will have to go back to the hospital to get more fluids. I can only manage to drink about 10oz a day of anything. I really dont know what is going on here, but I do know that I will not advocate this surgery in particular any longer. I have done a lot of research, there are a lot more statistics out since I had my band surgery. Back then there wasnt really any bad things going on because it was still fairly new...but now it surprises me...I mean it is reported that within 3 years of being banded that 80% of people will have to have theirs removed or replaced! Had I known that then, yeah, I wouldnt have done this. I think Ive almost hit an unvolantary bulimic/anorexic point though lol! Its gotten to where everytime I look at food I either think, "EWWWWW!!! GROSSS!!!" or "Ill try to eat it, but Ill throw it up later anyway." My teeth are seriously suffering, Im going to have to get so much dental work done after all this is over it is unreal! Ive already had 3 procedures done in the past year, and I need like 2 or 3 more. It has gotten to where I just cough and throw up on myself, EXTREMELY embarassing. And now when I just get up to leave the table, conversation amongst others continues like I was never there to start with. I want to be a part of society again. I used to think that being fat was terrible, that I was a freak, that I was weird. I know realize just how "normal" I was compared to what this thing has turned me into. Bad business. However, once again Im sorry for my behavior. I was frantic, in a state of panic. A young single mother with no one and no feesible help whatsoever. I mean who would be in a happy go lucky mood after no food, barely any liquid, fainting spells, and the lack of medical attention lol? Once again, Im sorry. I was wrong, and I acted franctically.

I wish I had never started this thread....I dont know why I even logged back in...I already knew all my options, and yes Cleo all I wanted was a little bit of sympathy and perhaps some empathy.....Im a pretty smart cookie and know quite about about things like this due to my educational background.........however, the world doesnt necessarily work the way it is written down in books and documents, it works by people (who are ever-changing and all completely different). I dont know the name of the hospital because I was in a wing of it called Texas Laparascopy (sic) Surgery Center or something like that in downtown Houston...I just realized that its been 4 years since Ive had my band not 3....... I will just stick with talking to people in real life from now on that actually know me and have seen what I have gone through, rather than strangers whom Ive never met, or ever will. I think headhunter has pretty much understood the most of what I have going on and the circumstances of things, we will email privately, however I do not expect to ever associate myself with this forum again. Good day

No one could possibly live their entire lives without saying "can't" or "Can not"....and sometimes you have to realize your place in the world....that the world doesnt revolve around a single person, and that everyone is not going to stop what they are doing to help you when its not in their best interests.....

I do have my medical records.... I know the law, and I know what the doctor has done that is illegal....however, I cant afford the lawyer even if its pro bono because theres a 50/50 chance that Im going to lose...and that means I have to pay EVERYONES court costs and I cant take that risk. And when I have the time, I will sit down and talk on the phone, but theres something unappealing about talking to someone on the phone who has a screaming child in the background. And when I say Im looking to file a complaint, that means Im in the process of doing it...im sorry for the misunderstanding, I am from the southeast texas, I speak a little differently in terms to what certain phrases mean. Im sorry I have upset you, I will have Alexandra delete this post and my account this afternoon...all I wanted was support, to say, "this happened to me or my friend, and this is what they did..." or good luck! or something, I wasnt looking at what necessarily I could do, because I already knew that..... But anyways, I will not burden your lives any further, I will just get back into my hollow shell....... looks like I cant open up to my friends, family, or strangers.....oh well, back to holding it all in.... && I honestly have no idea what hospital I was banded at, I know that sounds bad,but I never knew the name...I was never told...I had a pillow with a logo on it,but I cant remember what it said....I couldnt tell you what street the hospital is on or anything, I dont remember, that was four years ago and I let my parents handle everything.... Anyways, goodbye....thanks for the advice, but you have to understand the processes of things and your rung on the ladder...you cant just jump out and act like a fool to get what you want, you have to lie and wait until your opportunity and then get them.... oh well......goodbye........

I have already looked into filing a complaint with the Texas Medical Board...as far as I know thats all I can do at the moment...I dont live in Beaumont, I live in the area (im actually about an hour or so away from there)... I live in a small town, the lawyers dont do pro bono work that involves actual work here because they have basically no competition...there isnt one of them that is suffering for clients I can tell you that since they are the lawyers for several small towns and communities around my own...Im doing what I can right now without trying to be over dramatic, being overdramatic is what got me into this situation...I didnt go to my local hospital, I went to one in another city that is an hour away from me...my local hospital is one you go to if you have a REAL emergency and cant get to another one in another city...(trust me I used to work there, and I dont want any of those people working on me, ignorance is bliss sometimes).. However, the good news is that although I havent gotten rid of the headache yet....I have been able to eat more today than I have eaten in a very long time, and got some liquid down, so hopefully this will all be behind me until I can get to a doctor...Im going to contact the doctor again that I was trying to see closest to me and see if they have any openings, plead my case again...and see what happens... And as far as what I expect from posting on here, I expect support, for someone to just say it happened to me, and Im okay and this is what I did....I appreciate all the advice, its what prompted me to go to the hospital yesterday (well and the fact that I was hurting so bad that I was crying from the pain and couldnt see straight).....but I dont think I would have ever gone if it hadnt been for posting on here, so for that I thank everyone..atleast thats one thing that shows in my records that I need help from a doctor....

I was just going to update everyone... I went the the ER yesterday, I went to a city that has bariatric weight loss doctors that could possibly come in and look at my band... However I was treated like someone who just ate the wrong the thing with a band and got sick... They pumped me full of fluids and only checked my blood and urine...I asked everyone that came through that door to do an upper GI on me, and they told me that wasnt what they felt was best... Wasnt what they felt was best!? Ill be back there sooner than later getting more fluids because I can hold much of anything down!! They told me that I was severely dehydrated...and gave me some Darvocet for my headache...like I was in there trying to score some drugs or something!! They treated me like I wasnt important....I mean everyone was very friendly and nice to me, except the doctor (who was a total smartass, and I could read on his face that he was thinking "look what youve done to yourself, its your fault")... I know this isnt relevant, but it made me so mad....I asked the doctor before he left the room if he could possibly find someone that wasnt as busy as everyone else and ask them to check on my grandparents and daughter who all were in the waiting room...his reply? he said, "I dont know who's busy and who is not, and you will just have to ask a nurse." He shut the door and I started crying, for some reason I just wanted to know that my daughter was doing okay, I wanted them to come tell me some antic she had pulled in the waiting area....but when I nurse finally came, he just unhooked my IV and told me I could get dressed and zipped out of the room before I could ask any questions....I was tired, I was cold, my head hurt, and my stomach was pounding...I sat there and cried because they just treated me for dehydration and didnt even check the cause of it....Told me to go find a GI specialist to do any of those other tests (these people knowing I do not have insurance tell me that) I cried so much in that cold white room, all alone and all of it for nothing.....they wouldnt even recommend one. I explained my problem with finding a doctor, and they basically told me that they didnt believe me, that my doctors notes didnt have anything to do with them not seeing me as a patient.... UUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!This is so irritating I want to scream and I want to cry and scream some more and cry some more.........I felt relief on the way to the ER yesterday, that someone was finally going to care...but they didnt....

Thank you, if it comes to having to drive that far I will....thats quite a ways from where I live...but if it comes to it, I will definately consider it. I have decided that no matter how much it costs, if I have one more "fainting spell" this week, Im going to go to the doctor or ER...I guess the worst they can do is ruin my credit?? Im here all by myself, and Im afraid that Im going to injure myself with this falling non-sense, and Im afraid it could happen when Im driving or carrying my daughter....my parents are worried about me because Im out here in the woods all by myself, but Im hesitant to go anyways because Im afraid they will say that nothing is wrong...my neighbor is a nurse I just texted her to see if she has a blood pressure checker (dont know what it is technically called lol)...hopefully she will have one...

Thank you all for the support and advice...its helps knowing that someone is on my side...even if you dont know me and live who knows how many miles away..... I managed to eat a little tonight without getting sick....it wasnt much, but it was more than Ive eaten in a while...it just seems like everything is always so hard for me...I know its just me thinking that, and there are people with far worse problems...but I guess its that self-centered feeling you get when your not doing well... Thank you all again, you have no idea how much it means to me that you arent pointing fingers telling me what I must have done wrong...

Im just venting...Ive exhausted every avenue...Ive contacted every doctor in my area...from all sides...none will take me...and without insurance I cant afford the visit anyway...Im not kidding when I say I have no money... I have $140 in my bank account...and thats it, IDK? when I will have more money, I dont know anything...My parents have been so wonderful about everything as far as helping my daughter and I out...but its even hard on them as my father had to take a much lower ranking position just to go back to work and my mother had back surgery and can no longer work...and if there was even a job opening around here I would go to work instead of school...but there arent any jobs around here....small town + recession = sucks!

Dr. Spiegel is not so great....find another doctor...even if you've already used him....find another doctor!

Im going to try to address all the posts at once...lol, its an attempt. The only thing that my doctor did that was illegal was not turning over my medical records after I paid for them (I got a copy from a doctor I was trying to get in to see), he didnt get me sufficient time to find another doctor before he told me I would no longer be his patient and never gave me a certified letter, and possible emotional distress........all of which are civil tort law. Ive been a pre-law student for a few years now...Im seeking another quicker certification right now because of the economy, but Ill go back to my legal studies after that..... I cant afford an attorney in my area, I live in a VERY small town and Ive already used my free pass with my lawyer when he did the legal work getting my daughters father to sign over his rights (which was a HUGE ordeal for some reason) I do not qualify for Medicaid....Im over the age limit and even if I was to get pregnant in the next year I would not qualify because I turned down the offer to receive TANF, which means I also forfeited any chance for adult Medicaid for a certain amount of time. As far as the ER, I cant pay the bill to go.....and I cant handle to bill collectors calling me, or that hit on my already horrible credit. I cant document everything from the first day of surgery because I cant remember in detail every day over the past 3 years...I cant hardly remember anything since Ive had my child lol! I do know that my doctor as black-listed me....which Im about to pull up the Texas code for that, and see if its legal or not to put those notes on my medical records. Its a shame that a patient can not stand up for what they believe in without being punished..... Im not going to say any names on here, however if you are in the Beaumont, Texas area I wouldnt advise you to use a certain doctor with a funny name....

thank you for understanding...I just needed to vent because no one I know with a band understands because theirs works fine...I just dont understand what to do...I guess if it gets bad enough I can go to the ER and just not pay the bill when it comes in....I know that sounds bad...but I dont want to have problems...is that selfish?