MrsWilson1212

It has been over a year since I have visited this forum. The last time I was here all of the work I had put into getting through the long process was put on hold because my very enlarged thyroid had to be removed. I remember being in intense pain from the surgery and in a moment of extreme pain questioned my own sanity about thinking of going back under a knife for anything that wasn't required. This coupled with the fact my doctor wanted me to wait 6 weeks to heal from that surgery before considering getting banded. Since my insurance was changing at the end of the year and I wasn't sure if my new insurance would honor what I had done previously since my doctor did not work at one of their "Centers of Excellence" I just shelved the whole idea and tried (and fail) for the next year to do it the good old fashioned way with diet and exercise. I lost a couple lbs..gained em back...I tried to just chalk it all up and embrace my curves and fat (outside of the curves) saying I was fine just the way I was. But I still didnt feel fine about how I looked. I remember looking at pictures of myself after a girlfriend trip to Miami in June realizing my weight was starting to make me look old and tired. I never once pulled out my bathing suit and seriously felt like a fish out of water among all the young, slim and fit women walking the strip. But I tarried on...I had a good time, but I am sure the lack of fun was because I didnt feel "Miami confident" . A couple of months ago, I got a call from the bariatric doctor to see if I was still interested in getting the surgery because he had moved to a hospital that was now included as one of the "Centers of Excellence". I made an appointment but never went and kinda shelved the idea. Well events that happened within the last 24 - 48 hours kinda brought things home for me once again. I received a message from the doctor's office a week or so ago asking me if I wanted to reschedule, but with a myriad of other crap going on I didnt return the call. Once the dust settled around me and I was able to think clearly I realized this was something that I need to do...or at least TRY to do always believe if its God;s will it will be. When I first began this journey I did it with a vigor despite the objections of my husband who threatened to divorce me if I went along with it. His fears did not quell me but I wanted his support and continued to revisit it with him hoping he would say yes. But that never happened. So my vow to honor my husband combined with memory of the pain from my thyroid and some of the mental stuff I was going through on the visits with the process (never felt bad about my weight until I started hearing "morbidly obese" once a month) made it easier to put it in the back of my mind. But being thinner, healthier, and feeling better about myself was still something I wanted and I knew this could be the ticket. A coworker had lapband around this time last year and although her weight loss seems to be slow, her 55 lb weight loss makes her look healthier is nothing more. She admitted she wasnt exercising and doing everything she should be doing, but she also didnt look back with regret because she feels better which has always been a goal for me. Another co-worker had gastric bypass surgery and I have watched her shrink in the last 8-9 months, making me again long to be in the "club" but more than anything, I have come to realize the I have to really make this about me. I have to proceed without fear in order to get what I need to proceed to the next step in my life and if it means doing it without the support of my husband who I realize objects because of his own fears, so be it. I have lived for others for far too long and it is time for me to be true to myself. So I called them back yesterday and made an appointment for January 3rd, as well as spoke to my counselor today since her clearance was also one of the last phases of my process. When I go on the 3rd, I am hoping they will be able to review what I have done, see I truly ready and take me through those final phases and give me a date. I will keep you posted.

I started my process in June of this year and currently have Keystone Health Plan East. My company is dropping them and my replacement choice is Anthem Blue Cross PA. My surgeon wanted me to get clearance on her suspicion that I had an enlarged thyroid and sent me for an ultrasound. Lo and behold and do. I am in the final phases but I have to have my thyroid removed (11/11) which is going to of course cause a delay. She told me I need to recover and get my hormones at a proper level before getting the WLS (approx 6 weeeks) which is of course going to take me very close to the end of the year and it looks like getting this done before 1/1/10 when my new insurance kicks in is not going to be possible. I checked the website for Anthem and they cover lap band but my current surgeon is not listed as one of their providers. The "sister" hospital is and I wonder if I am going to have to start from scratch and/or see the new surgeon at the "sister" hospital....Has anyone experienced this? Your feedback is appreciated.

I have 5 large nodules on my thyroid that would have to be removed in time and it is a surgery I am opting have now instead of when I turn 70. (as my doctor posed to me) The discovery of the problem occured because the bariatric surgeon sent me to have it checked thoroughly and until it is taken care of, my surgery is on hold.

Although I am still in the process and awaiting a date I can relate to that feeling of frustration when you feel as if someone is competing with you. A coworker had gastric last year and our relationship has suffered since she found out I am trying to get lapband. While I can applaud her weight loss, she, like your friend did it without doing the "work" and if she would have done more of it, probably would have lost more and/or would not have alot of the issues I see (mentally and physically) which steered me away from wanting gastric. She has been steadfast with providing me anything negative about lap band especially pointing out how the weight loss will be slower or not as much. It took me a while before I realized her comments were coming from a place that fears I will steal her thunder. Initally I tried to make her understand my goal wasn't to lose x amount of pounds as much as it was to just feel better (mentally and physically) but despite this she just seem to get more nasty as I completed phases of the process even resorting to taking jabs at my size (as if she was never had a weight issue) and at that point, I realize she was just being a hater. Pure and simple. You are pounds away from your goals. Celebrate your success and leave the haters where they lie..sitting around worried about you. Congratulations on your achievement and I wish you continued success.

Yes I am back...didnt think I would be but since my last entry quite a bit has changed and I have once again stepped back on this path....well kinda. Like Brett Farve I have changed my mind and decided to get back in the game. For starters..I am having my thyroid removed. Yup. Time for it to go. On 11/11 I am scheduled to have surgery to remove my nodule filled thyroid. I also learned during my consult with the surgeon that it functions normally meaning basically I am fat because I am fat..not because of my thyroid. As a result, guess who reconsidered lap band? I called my bariatric surgeon's office (after almost a 2 months absence) and told them about the surgery and to see if it would be possible to get the lap band soon after since my current insurance company will be replaced 1/1/10. I also rescheduled my missed sleep study appt so I can get the 2 weeks worth of treatments I need before I really reach my final stage before seeing the nutrionist which occurs weeks before surgery. Well the bariatric doctor told me that I need at least 6 wks after my thyroid surgery to get adjusted to the medicine and to heal and she didnt want to risk rushing it just to get it covered by my current insurance company (anyone experience insurance company change while in the process?) So I decided to spend this time to try to drop some weight (it will be unavoidable when I get my thyroid removed) and to finish up all my required appointments. I am even going to try to get back to see the surgeon by the end of the year and who knows maybe come Jan 2010 I might actually get a date!! Again I am leaving it all in God's hands and have to let Mr. Wilson know I have changed my mind again (he is kinda used to that but he also seemed relieved when I told him I decided to get it during my frustrated period) Funny thing is..I cant help but think how ironic this is..having my thyroid removed is going to force me to do 2 things that I havent done and really need to do before I get lap band..1. quit smoking..yeah I cut down to about 3-4 a day but I know I have to really QUIT..and 2. lose SOME weight. Not being able to swallow and being on a liquid diet for a couple of weeks after that surgery is going to be great practice for my lap band surgery. So maybe this IS part of God's plan because maybe I really wasn't as ready as I need to be and now I have no choice but to get ready. :huh2: So here goes...Stay tuned..

Yes I am back...didnt think I would be but since my last entry quite a bit has changed and I have once again stepped back on this path....well kinda. Like Brett Farve I have changed my mind and decided to get back in the game. For starters..I am having my thyroid removed. Yup. Time for it to go. On 11/11 I am scheduled to have surgery to remove my nodule filled thyroid. I also learned during my consult with the surgeon that it functions normally meaning basically I am fat because I am fat..not because of my thyroid. As a result, guess who reconsidered lap band? I called my bariatric surgeon's office (after almost a 2 months absence) and told them about the surgery and to see if it would be possible to get the lap band soon after since my current insurance company will be replaced 1/1/10. I also rescheduled my missed sleep study appt so I can get the 2 weeks worth of treatments I need before I really reach my final stage before seeing the nutrionist which occurs weeks before surgery. Well the bariatric doctor told me that I need at least 6 wks after my thyroid surgery to get adjusted to the medicine and to heal and she didnt want to risk rushing it just to get it covered by my current insurance company (anyone experience insurance company change while in the process?) So I decided to spend this time to try to drop some weight (it will be unavoidable when I get my thyroid removed) and to finish up all my required appointments. I am even going to try to get back to see the surgeon by the end of the year and who knows maybe come Jan 2010 I might actually get a date!! Again I am leaving it all in God's hands and have to let Mr. Wilson know I have changed my mind again (he is kinda used to that but he also seemed relieved when I told him I decided to get it during my frustrated period) Funny thing is..I cant help but think how ironic this is..having my thyroid removed is going to force me to do 2 things that I havent done and really need to do before I get lap band..1. quit smoking..yeah I cut down to about 3-4 a day but I know I have to really QUIT..and 2. lose SOME weight. Not being able to swallow and being on a liquid diet for a couple of weeks after that surgery is going to be great practice for my lap band surgery. So maybe this IS part of God's plan because maybe I really wasn't as ready as I need to be and now I have no choice but to get ready. :huh2: So here goes...Stay tuned..

THank you so much for your kind words. I really really appreciate it.

Since my last visit, my journey has come to a complete halt. The appearance of nodules on my thyroid during my ultrasound has brought to light an issue that I must deal with before considering WLS. When I began this journey I did it prayerfully believing if it was part of God's plan it would happen without incident. In the beginning everything went so smoothly I grew in excitement wondering how my life would change. However, it seemed like the closer I got, the more roadblocks began to appear. When I found out about the problems with my thyroid I instantly began to wonder if this may have been a contributor to my current size all of these years. I talked to my supporters who all said the same thing..to wait on the surgery because I might need it. This made me really take a step back and I started to do something I hadnt done in a while..actually TRY to lose weight but simply cutting calories and moving my ass. I also began to really examine how I was feeling because I realized my self esteem had taken some real jabs while going through this process. Prior to starting all of this, I never saw myself as broken. But I suddenly was being told at each appointment I could be "fixed" with the band. I realized as my excitement ebbed from the first couple appointments, it was being replaced my resentment because I felt as if I was being looked down on because I wasnt in the weight range of the doctor's chart, thus broken. I loved my curves and it never stopped me from doing anything I really wanted to do. Although I will not excuse the pain in my back from carrying all of the weight, I know losing even 5 lbs alleviates it, so if I really tried to lose more, I could have the same effects of someone that may have lost weight with WLS. So I started to really try. I got out to the track and tried to eat like I actually had the surgery. (small meals, lots of proteins and better calorie content) Suddenly I started to feel better..about myself, how I feel physically and positive that I can actually do this. Working with someone who had gastric had also given me a real glimpse into the dysfunction that can arise when the brain isn't working with the body. This woman has an obsession with food and constantly talks about what she wish she can eat and battles with her love of food by still trying to eat things that make her sick or eating so fast, stomach pain has become a regular follow up to her meals. Although I know she is a very poor example of what a patient should do after WLS, I dislike what I see in her so much, it made me wonder how I would try to fill the void that food once filled since I have always proclaimed without shame, that I love good food and relish in the fact I can have those moments where I can have food I really like or love in moderation and be okay with it. So right now, having the surgery has been pushed back into the corners of my mind as a lingering option that I may not take on. I am having my thyroid removed and I know that surgery will have to come first, so lap band surgery is taken a back seat for now (or possibly forever)

Since my last visit, my journey has come to a complete halt. The appearance of nodules on my thyroid during my ultrasound has brought to light an issue that I must deal with before considering WLS. When I began this journey I did it prayerfully believing if it was part of God's plan it would happen without incident. In the beginning everything went so smoothly I grew in excitement wondering how my life would change. However, it seemed like the closer I got, the more roadblocks began to appear. When I found out about the problems with my thyroid I instantly began to wonder if this may have been a contributor to my current size all of these years. I talked to my supporters who all said the same thing..to wait on the surgery because I might need it. This made me really take a step back and I started to do something I hadnt done in a while..actually TRY to lose weight but simply cutting calories and moving my ass. I also began to really examine how I was feeling because I realized my self esteem had taken some real jabs while going through this process. Prior to starting all of this, I never saw myself as broken. But I suddenly was being told at each appointment I could be "fixed" with the band. I realized as my excitement ebbed from the first couple appointments, it was being replaced my resentment because I felt as if I was being looked down on because I wasnt in the weight range of the doctor's chart, thus broken. I loved my curves and it never stopped me from doing anything I really wanted to do. Although I will not excuse the pain in my back from carrying all of the weight, I know losing even 5 lbs alleviates it, so if I really tried to lose more, I could have the same effects of someone that may have lost weight with WLS. So I started to really try. I got out to the track and tried to eat like I actually had the surgery. (small meals, lots of proteins and better calorie content) Suddenly I started to feel better..about myself, how I feel physically and positive that I can actually do this. Working with someone who had gastric had also given me a real glimpse into the dysfunction that can arise when the brain isn't working with the body. This woman has an obsession with food and constantly talks about what she wish she can eat and battles with her love of food by still trying to eat things that make her sick or eating so fast, stomach pain has become a regular follow up to her meals. Although I know she is a very poor example of what a patient should do after WLS, I dislike what I see in her so much, it made me wonder how I would try to fill the void that food once filled since I have always proclaimed without shame, that I love good food and relish in the fact I can have those moments where I can have food I really like or love in moderation and be okay with it. So right now, having the surgery has been pushed back into the corners of my mind as a lingering option that I may not take on. I am having my thyroid removed and I know that surgery will have to come first, so lap band surgery is taken a back seat for now (or possibly forever)

Hi Lauren! It is very nice to hear from you and a big congrats on your loss. I wondered how things were when I sought out your posts and didnt see any updates but glad to hear things are going well and now that you have gotten over the kidney stone drama, you can feel good physically.

Yesterday I saw had a series of appointments that left me mentally exhausted, mildly depressed and angry to the point I have decided to take the rest of the week off from work because I just do not have the energy to deal with anyone right now. My morning started off with a visit to the counselor. As usual she was a delight to talk to and after we played catch up (I hadnt seen her in a year+) she told me she would contact the psych so I could get cleared and we planned to touch base next month. I then headed to the surgeon's office which had been moved due to flooding. The small cramped temporary office was uncomfortable and the staff seemed as cranky as the patients who now had a longer wait time because there was only 2 exam rooms. My appointment with the vascular surgeon to discuss the placing of the filter to prevent clots was cancelled without explanation. I saw the nutrionist who always gives me the impression she wishes she was fishing or something. She weighed me (i lost 1 whole pound) and then began to tell me what was good and bad about my food diary. Although she is encouraging, I always feel like she is talking to me like I am a food idiot. Next was this nurses practioner who I had seen at support meetings. I had never seen her before and if I never see her again I would be fine. She had the skinny girl snobby attitude thing about her and after a while I completely shut down because she was such a b*tch. I also checked with the office manager about my sleep study follow up explaining I had left because I was told via phone I had mild sleep apnea and I would probably be treated after surgery. Well that was not in the report sent to the doctor and according to them I would need to be treated at least 2 weeks prior to surgery. My next appt date with the sleep study people..11/24. Yeah November. At that point, the wind was fully let out of my sails, and I was too angry to think, let alone reschedule my appointment with the surgeon who said he wanted me to return in 6 more weeks. I told the secretary I would call her back since its really no point in returning until after I see the sleep people since I do not have the time to take off from work and I have grown very tired of paying all of these co-pays and spending all this time running around to be no closer than I was a month ago. As I walked over to the hospital to get the thyroid ultrasound also suggested by the surgeon, I thought about throwing my hands up and trying to either lose weight on my own or just accept who I am as I am. Because my self esteem has been taking more of a beating going through this process than it had ever before. But I went anyway and 10 minutes later was told my the xray tech that I DID have an enlarged thyroid and nodes on each side. WHAT!!!! I have been hearing for years that I should have my thryoid checked by different doctors only to have my PCP dismiss it as me just having "a fat neck". My level of discouragement instantly shot up another 100 points and I left the hospital with my head hung low, my disappointment level even higher and the realization this will definitely delay my surgery even more because now I will have to be treated for the thyroid. When I got home later, I read my horoscope and it was weird. It suggested I finish painting. It went into detail saying..you picked the color, you got the paint, you prepared the house, now get to painting and finish. I saw the message between the lines and realized despite the delays this will cause, I can not quit at this point but instead use this additional time to really get my mind right and to change the habits I continue to struggle with. While having the date now pushed out probably until Dec at this point (which actually coincides with my original desires to do it around Christmas) is disappointing, I will keep doing God is directing me to do since I always believed this is His will and not mine and things will work out based on that.

Yesterday I saw had a series of appointments that left me mentally exhausted, mildly depressed and angry to the point I have decided to take the rest of the week off from work because I just do not have the energy to deal with anyone right now. My morning started off with a visit to the counselor. As usual she was a delight to talk to and after we played catch up (I hadnt seen her in a year+) she told me she would contact the psych so I could get cleared and we planned to touch base next month. I then headed to the surgeon's office which had been moved due to flooding. The small cramped temporary office was uncomfortable and the staff seemed as cranky as the patients who now had a longer wait time because there was only 2 exam rooms. My appointment with the vascular surgeon to discuss the placing of the filter to prevent clots was cancelled without explanation. I saw the nutrionist who always gives me the impression she wishes she was fishing or something. She weighed me (i lost 1 whole pound) and then began to tell me what was good and bad about my food diary. Although she is encouraging, I always feel like she is talking to me like I am a food idiot. Next was this nurses practioner who I had seen at support meetings. I had never seen her before and if I never see her again I would be fine. She had the skinny girl snobby attitude thing about her and after a while I completely shut down because she was such a b*tch. I also checked with the office manager about my sleep study follow up explaining I had left because I was told via phone I had mild sleep apnea and I would probably be treated after surgery. Well that was not in the report sent to the doctor and according to them I would need to be treated at least 2 weeks prior to surgery. My next appt date with the sleep study people..11/24. Yeah November. At that point, the wind was fully let out of my sails, and I was too angry to think, let alone reschedule my appointment with the surgeon who said he wanted me to return in 6 more weeks. I told the secretary I would call her back since its really no point in returning until after I see the sleep people since I do not have the time to take off from work and I have grown very tired of paying all of these co-pays and spending all this time running around to be no closer than I was a month ago. As I walked over to the hospital to get the thyroid ultrasound also suggested by the surgeon, I thought about throwing my hands up and trying to either lose weight on my own or just accept who I am as I am. Because my self esteem has been taking more of a beating going through this process than it had ever before. But I went anyway and 10 minutes later was told my the xray tech that I DID have an enlarged thyroid and nodes on each side. WHAT!!!! I have been hearing for years that I should have my thryoid checked by different doctors only to have my PCP dismiss it as me just having "a fat neck". My level of discouragement instantly shot up another 100 points and I left the hospital with my head hung low, my disappointment level even higher and the realization this will definitely delay my surgery even more because now I will have to be treated for the thyroid. When I got home later, I read my horoscope and it was weird. It suggested I finish painting. It went into detail saying..you picked the color, you got the paint, you prepared the house, now get to painting and finish. I saw the message between the lines and realized despite the delays this will cause, I can not quit at this point but instead use this additional time to really get my mind right and to change the habits I continue to struggle with. While having the date now pushed out probably until Dec at this point (which actually coincides with my original desires to do it around Christmas) is disappointing, I will keep doing God is directing me to do since I always believed this is His will and not mine and things will work out based on that.

All of my doubts and fears are starting to be magnified by frustrations with the process and I am hoping today, after visiting with the surgeon, I will be able to get back on the positive road of thinking that I have drifted from about a month or so ago when the processes kinda stalled. Yesterday I had the follow up appointment with the sleep study folks. I was told I would have to reschedule because I did not have a referral. Since I had received a letter from my insurance company saying it was approved my assumption was something had been submitted. I was told I would have to reschedule. As the office clerk checked the schedule and began to tell me I could not been seen until later in the month, I began to feel my frustration level rise and I asked if the information had been sent to the doctor because I really did not feel as if I needed to reschedule an appointment for them to tell me what they told me on the phone (I have mild sleep apnea which only seems to occur when sleeping on my back). I declined the rescheduling and will check today with my doctor to see if it is required to have the follow up to proceed because if that is the case, my date is going to be pushed out further becausre they were not able to schedule me until later in October. I also felt ready to scream when I called the surgeon's office to confirm my appointment for today and was told I was a new patient and need a referral...I have no idea who was confirming my appointment but her information was obviously wrong and she proceeded to treat me like I was the idiot. I asked to speak to the office manager who had made my appointments, and despite my very odd name, she didnt seem to realize who I was (since we had met and spoken numerous times) She confimed my appointment but began to ask if I had taken tests and did things such as my psych appt because the information was not in my file. I realized the psych, still waiting for the confirmation that I was going to get additional counseling, had not submitted anything because she was waiting to hear from my counselor. Unfortunately because of the Jewish holiday, I wasn't able to make an appointment with her as soon as I would have liked but I see her this morning so hopefully she will touch base with the psych today so the paperwork can be submitted. I have read posts from others who have been delayed because of the tests and those who have had to reschedule surgery dates because of some type of loop hole that sends them back to the beginning. I am not trying to let the continued delays discourage me from getting the surgery since I have invested so much time and money but when I spoke to the office manager weeks ago, she advised I would be getting my date scheduled today, and from the way it looks, I am very doubtful. So I tarry on...:tt1:

All of my doubts and fears are starting to be magnified by frustrations with the process and I am hoping today, after visiting with the surgeon, I will be able to get back on the positive road of thinking that I have drifted from about a month or so ago when the processes kinda stalled. Yesterday I had the follow up appointment with the sleep study folks. I was told I would have to reschedule because I did not have a referral. Since I had received a letter from my insurance company saying it was approved my assumption was something had been submitted. I was told I would have to reschedule. As the office clerk checked the schedule and began to tell me I could not been seen until later in the month, I began to feel my frustration level rise and I asked if the information had been sent to the doctor because I really did not feel as if I needed to reschedule an appointment for them to tell me what they told me on the phone (I have mild sleep apnea which only seems to occur when sleeping on my back). I declined the rescheduling and will check today with my doctor to see if it is required to have the follow up to proceed because if that is the case, my date is going to be pushed out further becausre they were not able to schedule me until later in October. I also felt ready to scream when I called the surgeon's office to confirm my appointment for today and was told I was a new patient and need a referral...I have no idea who was confirming my appointment but her information was obviously wrong and she proceeded to treat me like I was the idiot.:tt1: I asked to speak to the office manager who had made my appointments, and despite my very odd name, she didnt seem to realize who I was (since we had met and spoken numerous times) She confimed my appointment but began to ask if I had taken tests and did things such as my psych appt because the information was not in my file. I realized the psych, still waiting for the confirmation that I was going to get additional counseling, had not submitted anything because she was waiting to hear from my counselor. Unfortunately because of the Jewish holiday, I wasn't able to make an appointment with her as soon as I would have liked but I see her this morning so hopefully she will touch base with the psych today so the paperwork can be submitted. I have read posts from others who have been delayed because of the tests and those who have had to reschedule surgery dates because of some type of loop hole that sends them back to the beginning. I am not trying to let the continued delays discourage me from getting the surgery since I have invested so much time and money but when I spoke to the office manager weeks ago, she advised I would be getting my date scheduled today, and from the way it looks, I am very doubtful. So I tarry on...:huh2:

I told myself on my last entry that I would not return to this site until I had something change but with such a stretch between my last appointment and my next (on Monday, 9/22) I felt the NEED to read posts of others for encouragement and to blog about this today because I lost focus again (and ate like every day was the last supper) as well as really started to have some serious doubts about myself (Will I be one of the many successful bandsters or will I fail?) and if I was making the right decision (after all rice is my all time favorite food!) I got myself out of that rut after watching a Wayne Dyer program about making excuses on PBS. On the show he had this guy who had been burned over 98% of his body, had lost his hands, yet still fulfilled his dream to be a musician. Not just any musician..he is a drummer. He even played (quite well) and it dawned on me..if a man without hands can play drums, I can succeed. I just have to get seriously focused and change how I am thinking about the surgery, food and myself. I have a very strong feeling that I will not be getting surgery as soon as I initially thought (early October) simply because I have been unable to meet with my counselor, who needs to verify with the psych I saw on my consult that I am seeking counseling. My PCP is also sending me to have my thyroid checked again at the request of the surgeon. (despite being told for years its enlarged, nothing has ever been found--I think I just have a fat neck) The surgeon also wants me to get on birth control, despite me telling him at my age and with 2 teenage daughters the last thing I want is to get pregnant, but I am going to go see a gyno anyway and see if she can possibly just tie my tubes when I get the surgery since I will be open anyway and definitely do not intend to have any more children. That appointment isnt until Oct 5th, so there goes early October. I kinda wanted to wait closer to December anyway because I could ten stay out of work during the holidays since the shrink told me she wanted me to take off 4-6 weeks. (dont have to tell me twice lol) So in the next 3-4 weeks I have tons of appointments and still lots of uncertainties. I was hoping to lose some of the weight I gained by the time I returned, but it didnt happen :thumbup:.. I didnt gain..but as of this past Saturday when I saw my PCP, I was the same weight. No real shocker there. I haven't really tried. I have had just as many "bad days" as I have had "good days" with my food intake. I have been trying to also find a good protein bar realizing how important that is going to become after surgery. No real luck there. I am not a candy eater and they all seem to be made with chocolate or peanut butter like its supposed to trick you into thinking its a treat, but it all seems to have like a powdery aftertaste that just grosses me out, so I also have to work on that. I wrote my sister a long letter because I havent been able to talk to her since she text me one day and made a comment about she guess I dont want to be bothered until after I have WLS after not hearing from me for a couple of days. It pissed me off because it was so unnecessary and she seems to think I am getting this magic pill from a genie in a lamp and I am going to be a size 6 next week and move to beautiful people land and leave her where she is since we are currently the same size. If anything I would think she would be happy since I promsied to send her all my clothes and I have some really nice clothes. So I broke it all down to her..my fears, doubts and the reality of WLS. I hope she understands where I am coming from, but I definitely do not intend to stress it if she doesnt. Mr. Wilson and I still have no discussed things. I think he believes it was a passing fancy and I have changed my mind. He is so wrong. I have only set it aside until I have a date to simply avoid getting angry because he refuses to see any point of view but his own. I know I am kinda all over the place, but that;s how I feel. Restless. Anyone that says or thinks this is easy, need to loan me the magic wand they were given because this is feeling harder than losing weight "the old fashioned way" and I am not even banded yet! UGH!

I told myself on my last entry that I would not return to this site until I had something change but with such a stretch between my last appointment and my next (on Monday, 9/22) I felt the NEED to read posts of others for encouragement and to blog about this today because I lost focus again (and ate like every day was the last supper) as well as really started to have some serious doubts about myself (Will I be one of the many successful bandsters or will I fail?) and if I was making the right decision (after all rice is my all time favorite food!) I got myself out of that rut after watching a Wayne Dyer program about making excuses on PBS. On the show he had this guy who had been burned over 98% of his body, had lost his hands, yet still fulfilled his dream to be a musician. Not just any musician..he is a drummer. He even played (quite well) and it dawned on me..if a man without hands can play drums, I can succeed. I just have to get seriously focused and change how I am thinking about the surgery, food and myself. I have a very strong feeling that I will not be getting surgery as soon as I initially thought (early October) simply because I have been unable to meet with my counselor, who needs to verify with the psych I saw on my consult that I am seeking counseling. My PCP is also sending me to have my thyroid checked again at the request of the surgeon. (despite being told for years its enlarged, nothing has ever been found--I think I just have a fat neck) The surgeon also wants me to get on birth control, despite me telling him at my age and with 2 teenage daughters the last thing I want is to get pregnant, but I am going to go see a gyno anyway and see if she can possibly just tie my tubes when I get the surgery since I will be open anyway and definitely do not intend to have any more children. That appointment isnt until Oct 5th, so there goes early October. I kinda wanted to wait closer to December anyway because I could ten stay out of work during the holidays since the shrink told me she wanted me to take off 4-6 weeks. (dont have to tell me twice lol) So in the next 3-4 weeks I have tons of appointments and still lots of uncertainties. I was hoping to lose some of the weight I gained by the time I returned, but it didnt happen :tongue_smilie:.. I didnt gain..but as of this past Saturday when I saw my PCP, I was the same weight. No real shocker there. I haven't really tried. I have had just as many "bad days" as I have had "good days" with my food intake. I have been trying to also find a good protein bar realizing how important that is going to become after surgery. No real luck there. I am not a candy eater and they all seem to be made with chocolate or peanut butter like its supposed to trick you into thinking its a treat, but it all seems to have like a powdery aftertaste that just grosses me out, so I also have to work on that. I wrote my sister a long letter because I havent been able to talk to her since she text me one day and made a comment about she guess I dont want to be bothered until after I have WLS after not hearing from me for a couple of days. It pissed me off because it was so unnecessary and she seems to think I am getting this magic pill from a genie in a lamp and I am going to be a size 6 next week and move to beautiful people land and leave her where she is since we are currently the same size. If anything I would think she would be happy since I promsied to send her all my clothes and I have some really nice clothes. So I broke it all down to her..my fears, doubts and the reality of WLS. I hope she understands where I am coming from, but I definitely do not intend to stress it if she doesnt. Mr. Wilson and I still have no discussed things. I think he believes it was a passing fancy and I have changed my mind. He is so wrong. I have only set it aside until I have a date to simply avoid getting angry because he refuses to see any point of view but his own. I know I am kinda all over the place, but that;s how I feel. Restless. Anyone that says or thinks this is easy, need to loan me the magic wand they were given because this is feeling harder than losing weight "the old fashioned way" and I am not even banded yet! UGH!

Hi Paperplane..I can imagine how disappointed you must have felt to have your surgery postpone especially after all of you have gone through (the lonnnnnng process) to get to the point of getting a date, but you will be fine. You will get your surgery because you have already shown you have what it takes to lose weight without surgery which in itself something I truly admire about all pre-op patients. Thank goodness your husband is fine and now you can turn your focus back on yourself. When I started this journey I prayed long and hard figuring if this is in God's plan for my life, it will happen regardless of delays, disappointments and even my own self doubts. I do not have a date as of yet, but I am at the end of the pre-op process and will hopefully get a date soon. Although I was not told to lose any initial weight, I have gained about 10 lbs since my first consult, and I am finding it difficult to get it off. So I am willing to accept that if my surgery is postponed as a result, its because I need time to get more focused, or maybe even, as in your case, God knows I might be needed elsewhere for a moment. So stay encouraged and please keep us posted.

Hi Sarah, My concern was very similiar since I also have tatts. A coworker who had the surgery said a tatt on her arm which stretched across her upper arm, now sits in the middle of her arm since she has lost weight. Her tatt is a simple name, but I have tatts on my back and a dragon fly on my shoulder that I wonder about. My back doesnt concern me as much see I dont see it (lol) but I think this is a great question and I look forward to seeing other replies.

Yesterday I received a call from the sleep study folks to advise I did not need to come to the 2nd appointment because my sleep apena is mild and they may want to treat me after surgery (I guess since my breathing seems to only stop when I am lying on my back and sleeping on my stomach as I do usually will not be possible for a while). This is good news in a sense because I do not have to go back, but it also leaves 2 weeks before I have to go back to see the surgeon and the hiatus (even for 2 wks) tends to make me lose focus. I will prevail however and try to lose more of the weight I gained when I saw them a month ago. It seems that now the processes and heading toward completion I am getting more nervous and having all kinds of doubts and worries. I keep reminding myself of how great I will feel and coming to this website to look at pictures of successful bandsters to remind me how great I will feel mentally when I look better. Mr. Wilson and I have not discuss the surgery since the last time and our exercising has come to a halt. I figure it is best that I just hold off until I get a date at this point since I still have the final nutrionist appointment to do before a date is even set. I have been trying to prepare my helpers at work just in case I find myself with an October date (wow thats next month!) although I am thinking of putting it off until November just to be sure I have everything in order. (as well to possibly stay out of work past the Christmas holiday since the shrink thinks 4-6 weeks is how much time I should take off) So this may be my last post for a while since now its a bunch of wait and see...but hopefully my next one will be full of good news.

Yesterday I received a call from the sleep study folks to advise I did not need to come to the 2nd appointment because my sleep apena is mild and they may want to treat me after surgery (I guess since my breathing seems to only stop when I am lying on my back and sleeping on my stomach as I do usually will not be possible for a while). This is good news in a sense because I do not have to go back, but it also leaves 2 weeks before I have to go back to see the surgeon and the hiatus (even for 2 wks) tends to make me lose focus. I will prevail however and try to lose more of the weight I gained when I saw them a month ago. It seems that now the processes and heading toward completion I am getting more nervous and having all kinds of doubts and worries. I keep reminding myself of how great I will feel and coming to this website to look at pictures of successful bandsters to remind me how great I will feel mentally when I look better. Mr. Wilson and I have not discuss the surgery since the last time and our exercising has come to a halt. I figure it is best that I just hold off until I get a date at this point since I still have the final nutrionist appointment to do before a date is even set. I have been trying to prepare my helpers at work just in case I find myself with an October date (wow thats next month!) although I am thinking of putting it off until November just to be sure I have everything in order. (as well to possibly stay out of work past the Christmas holiday since the shrink thinks 4-6 weeks is how much time I should take off) So this may be my last post for a while since now its a bunch of wait and see...but hopefully my next one will be full of good news.

Although I am a pre-op my decision to have WLS has been shared openly with a couple of supportive co workers, my daughters, my sister and my husband (who disagrees with my decision..but thats another story) I would like to tell my Aunt who is closer to me than my Mother but she is the source of all the family gossip and I definitely do not want my decision to be the topic of family conversation and opinion since I am really not that close with them anyway. I have a couple of friends I want to tell, but since I do not see them on a regular basis, I would rather wait and "surprise" them. One of the reasons I want to get lapband is the pace of losing weight is slower, so it wont be so drastic that someone will think I am sick. I also know the changing of my eating habits and the increase of my physical activity will easy explain weight loss without questions. Since I have yet to get the surgery I guess I will have to "play it by ear" and cross the bridge of questions, when and if they come.