knrpick

All the prayers are very very much welcome and needed! Thank you!

I haven't posted in months. I realize that I need to write this down, soo I can get it out of my system.

Feb, on my son's birthday, he was caught during his party smoking pot by himself in his room by himself. Yeah! Found out he has opposition defiance disorder. New drugs is making life a lot easier, but it's not over. Found out I need therapy along with my son. Issues from my past has..... stunted my families growth, so to speak.

Then to top it off, my daughter on Monday, said she wwants to end her life! She is beautiful and strong.

The Lord has loaned out these precious children to me, and it's my responsibility to rear them in the eyes of the Lord, Spiritually, mentally and physically. I will go to heaven and hell for them to save them from their sorrows. That is my sacred duty, and my joy as being a mother! I want to save my children and be there for them!

I put her in therapy immediately kicking and screaming, but after a week of being home and "healing" she realizes she does need help.

Our 18th anniversary is Sat. and we were going to go to Branson till Monday, but Doc said she is too fragile that we can't leave. I don't want her out of my sight, but she says she's too scared to carry it out. She says that the only reason she didn't carry it out is because I once told her that suicide just makes it harder, it doesn't solve your problems, it only makes them harder up in heaven, and what about the people you leave behind. Would she want everyone around her to mourn her loss for years and wish that we could have done something more to save our precious gift from God?

She is healing, and feeling, and crying a lot, which is good. I made her stay home all week, and now she has strep because of stress. She is a perfectionist, which is part of the problem. She is also a mother to a T! She always has been, she feels like she needs to take care of everyone's problems instead of taking care of herself. She now recognizes that and the counselor is helping her. Life is such a short time in the whole eternity process, that why end this life?

God sent us here to gain bodies, and to have trials, and to see how we face our trials. God also gave my daughter on loan to us. He is her Father. And it is my sacred duty to make sure she is taught in the Way of The Lord. To make her a better person, to see that she is a Daughter of God. To see that she is not worthless. If I don't do that, then it is upon my shoulders.

Logan is doing better, the Respridole is helping, he doesn't get angry so much, he can talk through his feelings instead of keep it in till he explodes.

Me? I'm a work in progress! I now realize that my father verbally abused me and emotionally. I would get F's in junior high and he would say that I would never amount to anything. After My third child, who was 10 lbs, and a c-section that i looked like a hippo. Therapy is helping realize that I CAN be who I have always wanted to be, but it's hard to believe you are worth something, when you have always heard to opposite my whole life. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't always horrible, it's just those few times that I remember the most.

Till the next melt down, Ta Ta for now!

OMG! I think I have my sweet spot! :wub: I don't come on here much anymore, but I thought I would tell all my friends who have gotten me through some rough times and I'm sure there will be more rough times ahead......THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I guess my body likes a certain number for a long time and then finally gives up the ghost and lets it go. I've realized that I just need to keep on truckin! I got my surgery July 13th and have now lost 45 lbs. That's a low number as compared to some of you, but I also realize that i can't compare myself. My body is mine and no one elses. God gave me this body and no one else! I think that's why I haven't been on here a lot. It was very frustrating reading everyones success stories and then I'm stuck! I know that's anti-social, but I have found what works for me. I have also figured out that I can't eat in the morning. I'm very tight. I drink my protein shakes and it works great. I am finally getting stuck on food! I know that's bad, but it's good for me because now I CAN'T eat my favorite foods like home made bread I just got out of the oven!:thumbup: But that's OK, I had a bite last night and that was OK with me because I knew if I had a whole piece, I would be foaming at the mouth and stuck to high heaven. I like the way I feel right now! I don't actually have that feeling like some of you, that if i take just one more bite I will throw up. But I do get full faster and stay full and satisfied longer. That too is another reason I haven't been on here. The typical for everyone is just not me! I have to find out for myself how much I can eat, how things work, just for me. Wish I was like everyone else!

Call your doctor immediately, you need a little un-fill! I had to have an unfill, then the next time, I was able to get a fill. Guess my body just didn't want it then. Slow and steady wins the race

I am the queen of not losing weight. You don't have enough restriction yet. It takes awhile to get there. What I did, is don't think of it as a long haul. You have 2 wks between fills, so think of it as, "I can do it for just 2 wks". Oiko greek yogurt is a good start. Lots of protein so it sticks with you. Drink, drink, drink! We are in this together. I can't lose weight without help!

Thank you all for your help. Your self help therapy is working!

Well, I went in for another fill yesterday. I have almost given up on this band thing. Last time I had gained 3 lbs. I loved sugar again, was eating whatever I wanted. Just like all my diets go. I go gang-busters for awhile and then get back into my bad habits. After that visit, I have gone back to having 2 shakes a day and a good meal for dinner. I didn't weigh myself because I was just too discouraged.

I went in and was weighed. I lost 6 lbs! I have been up and down for a couple months. I'm 261!!!!! I'm so thrilled! I know they say to not use shakes very often, but if it works, I'm sticking to it!!!!!!!

I'm gaining weight! I can still eat anything I want even with 6 cc in my realize band. I know I'm over eating! I know I need to do better. Since I had swine flu, I haven't gotten up the courage to exercise again. I know, excuses! My problem is....hmmmm...... I don't know, I do and eat exactly perfect till the kids get home. I made macaroons, which my daughter started, now, holy hell, I make them every day:eek: Why do I sabatage myself? I feel like it's going so slow and this is how my failure begins in all my weight loss. How can people loose sooooo fast and I lose 1 lb a month!:cursing: I just want to quit, and I feel like I don't care. I know I should care, but right now I'm not feelin in!

New quilt and a cute picture of my daughter and me I just love! never mind, won't load!:ohmy::cursing::crying:

THANK YOU! I'M SO PROUD OF THEM!

Sigh, this is a long story since I haven't been on here in a long time. 4 weeks ago, I wasn't feeling well, but went for my fill anyway. They put in 1/2 cc. Now at 5 cc. I was soooo sick on the drive home, have to drive 2 hrs. Thank goodness my hubby was driving. From there it got worse! Went in to doc, not only did I have swine flu, but had mono and pneumonia on top of it. I have NEVER!!!! been this sick. Cramping stomach, diareah that was squirting out.....yeah the image is bad, but it was bad. Sick to my stomach, aches and fever. My fever got up to 104! They gave me tamaflu and said drink! Yeah, ok, drinking will work when I can't keep anything down, and diareah is every 5 min.

Well, I was so sick one day, my girlfriend came over because I wanted chicken noodle soup and I was so weak I couldn't go to the basement to get it. She got here and I came downstairs, I was sooo horrified! The house smelled like dog poop (in the litter box), dishes weren't done, and filth everywhere. OMG! SERIOUSLY?????!!!!! Can't my husband get the kids to do their job? I hadn't been downstairs for a week! I had to clean my own house with 104 fever! I was so furious!!!!!!!!!! I called and yelled at Kevin, then when the kids came home, I yelled at them... yeah the fever had something to do with it, anyway, I told them that I am a child of God and I don't deserve this. It is my job as a mother to teach them how to work so when they are on their own, they can do it properly. I am totally failing. Those were my words. I was leaving to visit my dying father on Friday for 2 weeks. I told them that things were going to change! NOW! I am not their slave! I told them I was going to leave a list and if everything didn't get done in 2 wks, I wasn't coming home. Everyone, including my husband, was furious. For Pete's sakes, there is a banister that has been broken for 6 long years and I keep begging him to fix it. Anyway........

The next day Kevin was home and he noticed I wasn't drinking. I was crying becasue the cramping was so bad, but no tears. I told him I had no saliva either. He immediately took me to the hospital and they hooked me up to an IV. I was too dehidrated. I went home and felt sooooooo much better! Amazing what dehydration does to the body. Well, My hubby is a Nurse Anesthetist, so he brought home 2 more bags of IV the next day and gave them to me before I left for the airport. That got me through the trip. I slept the entire flight and drive home. I got home and hugged mom, not dad, didn't want to get him sick. I immediately went to bed for 3 days. I don't remember anything from those 3 days. Mom said I came up a couple of times to eat and drink, but then went to bed. Anyway..... that was my hell..... now for the heaven.......

I was in Idaho Falls for 2 wks to visit my dad. His health is failing and I'm the only child who is far away and I don't get to see him except about every 2 yrs. I felt very strongly that I should go and see him. My and mom quilted and sewed and shopped. Dad sat in the TV room while I sewed and we just talked. He told stories that I have heard a million times, but just didn't listen. After he would tell these stories, I would hurry and go write them in my journal. The time with him was priceless!

I finished 1 quilt and stole tons of fabric from mom's stash and got lots of good quilting stuff from their stores. I had to send a 50 lb tub home full of fabric, thread, and stuff that didn't fit in my 2 suit cases. Mom taught me how to make a hexagon star quilt, it was so beautiful and was so perfect. It was heaven to have mom teach me more quilting techniques and listen to dad. I believe this will be the last time I will see him atleast in the house. :confused::frown: Anyway, I was planning on going on a quilt retreat when I got back, but I had a 2 wk quilt retreat with my mom. I don't need another one. It was so theraputic!

Now back to earth........ I'm back home and I have watched my mom for 2 wks and have realized I am not a great mom or wife. She cooks, clean and everything without complaining. I learned that I'm not a great house cleaner. Not anymore, I do something every day to clean something in my hugehouse. I feel a lot better about the house and me. I have spent more time with my kids and turned off the TV during the day.

I got another fill when I got back and this time she gave me a full CC so now i'm at 6 cc in a 10 cc. She said in my realize band 5-8 cc is normal for sweet spot. So I'm getting close. I have lost weight, just not like I wanted too. I would if I didn't cheat every day. I'm so bad every day, just I'm not getting my size of food down. I can still eat a lot which is BAD! So, now back to the real world. I am recommited to life and to losing weight so life is much better than when I left!!!!!!

Same problem here. I feel like an empty pit in the evening. I also use myfitnesspal.com I love to see the calorie count and my protein count. I just learned from my doc that he would love to see about 70 grams of protein a day! I was flabergasted! But it keeps you full longer. Good luck!!!!!

I think that is gas pain moving down. Keep walking and take your pain meds. Good luck!

**Sigh** my fill didn't go as planned yesterday. I had my last trainer visit and I rocked! SERIOUSLY! My heart rate last time when I walked was 139. This time it was 119! Down 20 beats!!

Went to get my fill after and she put in 1 cc again. I sit up and immediatly feel it in my neck. She had me take a drink. It wasn't bad per say, but still wasn't comfortable. She told me I would hate her if she didn't take some out. **SIGH** OK fine. She took out 1/2 cc and I'm feeling better. I'm still ticked off at my body. I never get full and now it's backfiring on me.

She also told me an interesting tid bit. She would actually LOVE to see her patients get about 30 grams of protein at every meal. Not possible all the time but if I shoot for 70 grams per day that will be good. I'm doing that today and I'm a lot fuller then I used to be! I feel like I'm on the Atkins diet! lol

Iluq is doing better. We are having to change his bandage because it starts to smell.

Oh I don't think I wrote what happened. After he got hit, a couple days later he started bleeding everywhere. Well, his skin is too weak to hold the stitches, so we have to keep it wrapped and have it heal from in inside out. Poor thing, half of his pad of his paw is ripped wide open.

We were cleaning it out on Sunday, he was screaming his head off, poor baby, and our other husky, Sasha got really upset. Now she is PETRIFIED of my husband. I feel just horrible. Now she thinks he's going to hurt her. SIGH......LIFE!!!!

**SIGH** Let's start at the beginning. We got a new puppy on Saturday. We are going to start breeding pomeranians. Monday, I took him to the elementary school to show. He did fantastic! His name is Chai Tea.

In the afternoon, we take all of our dogs to get their shots. We get home and let them run out back! Well, kids came home and we forgot about them. My son who is out front came in and said ALL the dogs are running in the front yard! Sasha had dug out of the yard. Well, Kevin goes running and our new puppy, Iluq (EEluck) got hit by a car! Ran him to a vet and he was in shock, so they couldn't do surgery. The next day they did exrays and he dislocated his hip, and fractured where his growth plate is. Not Good. They had to anesthetize him to suture him up. His entire pad of his paw and been almost torn off. We finally got him home Tuesday evening.

Wednesday we drove to Lebanon to look at a new pup, and it will be a couple weeks before we can have her. Anyway, Kevin came with me and he got a cold that morning. By 3:00 PM I have a full blown cold.

Thursday, my cold has completely taken over my entire head. I have gone through an entire box of kleenex in 1 day!

This entire week I haven't lost any weight. I go for a fill next Tuesday and I won't have lost any! I'm very discouraged! I haven't been able to exercise all week due to the puppy and me being sick. I'm just ticked at myself for not eating correctly. I journal every day and stay within my limits for the most part. I don't know what to do!

The pictures are of my new little Chai and iluq who got hit by a car!

I had the same thing happen! It's the IV fluids they gave you. My husband is a doctor , anesthetist, and he told me they gave me 4 bags of IV. That equals out to be about 9 lbs. Yup, I gained 9 lbs. I lost it within a week! Hang in there! I was so upset, but when my hubby explained, it made sense. You will do fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! Fabulous! I had surgery July 13, I love eggs, grits, lunchmeat with string cheese, greek yogurt, i gag down cottage cheese because of high protein......

Good luck in your journey!

Don't fear, losing weight is near! No, pain is not normal! No, I don't want to switch to bypass, and I don't know anyone who wants that. You will do great!!!!

Yesterday, I decided to do a run to St. Louis and shop by myself. I never get to do that. Got a call from a girl who wants my pup, so I said I would drop him off in Fenton on my way to St. Louis. Well right as I was ready to leave, the school called and my 10 yr old girl has a fever!:redface: So I picked her up, gave her tylanol, and went to Fenton. We dropped the pup off and starting to drive. Morgan started to shake uncontrollably and started to cry. Well, my shopping trip sucked as you can imagine, didn't make it. Went home and took her temp. It took us an hour and a half to get home, so by this time she is crying uncontrollably. Took her temp and it was 104.5. Ok, so I'm going to taking her after hours clinic. They took us right back because of her symptoms. She has a stiff neck (menagitis!) They wanted to do blood work, but they don't do that there so they said because of her stiff neck they would feel more comfortable with us going to the ER. We get there and she gets a blanket and motrin while we wait. It's a long time and they finally get her to triage. Get her symptoms, temp and weight. They said it would atleast be another hour. I told her I was taking her in my car to wait so she can lay down and they can call my cell phone when they are ready. So Morgan finally sleeps, poor thing. They call me in 1 hr later. Take us to a room and they leave..... just leave. Ok?........... Finally a sweet man nurse came in and took her temp and talked to her...... and left. Another hour goes by, her temp is not falling! They give her some tylonal and leave. :thumbup: Finally they come take her blood. I ask, why is the doctor doing this without even seeing my daughter???:smile2: Protocol was all she said. Nurse comes in with strep test, flu test and urine test and leaves. We wait another hour, literally!:wink2: By this time the meds and kicked in finally and she is bored.:eek: I'd rather her be sick cuz of the wait and she was sleeping. She keeps asking every 2 min. when the doc would be in. Finally he comes in and goes through all the bloodwork and such. Everything was fine except urine. She has UTI but it's in the kidneys, so kidney infection. HIgh fever and stiff neck very typical. He then asks me if My visit was satisfactory! WHAT??????????? SATISFACTORY? HELL NOOOOOOO it wasn't!:wub: told him I was pissed with waiting. He said I can't do anyting about that, 2 docs with 28 rooms filled and 17 people waiting to be seen. Not his fault. Oh ok, so we spent hours in the Er, with hundreds of dollars being spent to have the doctor say he can't do anything, kidney infection, and a perscription. Oh, ok! I'm joyously happy with my service!:sad: NOT!!!!!!!!!!

TOO BOOT, I wanted and intented to drive to Columbia for a lap band support meeting and I missed it. I was too exhausted to go and we didn't get out of ER till 9:30 PM:cursing::crying: Ok, my husband is an anesthetist, I understand hospital protocol, but last night was rediculous!

She is fine today, kept her home, her fever has broke but she still has aching muscles. She will be fine! Thank goodness! I guess that's all that matters!

I ate the worst yesterday with being gone all day. Fast food twice! At this point today I don't care! I'm eating good today and that's all that matters, right?

congrats! You deserve 2 thumbs up!!!

YOU ROCK! This will so change your life, like it has for everyone else. Men are so lucky! You guys loose so much weight a lot easier than us women! Be grateful, and good luck!!!

u 2 are tooooo kind :-)

congrats on the job! And clothes that fall off!!!!!

the easiest way is to click on someones ticker. That will bring you to the ticker home page. Then create your own and save. I can't remember if you copy your ticker and paste on your signiture. I think that's it. hope it helps!

just one comment. YOU ARE SO WORTH HOT GREG!!!! See you thursday!!!!!!

I love all the pictures you put in! They crack me up, you are very inventive! Just got my 3rd fill yesterday! We are getting there..... slowly, but still getting there! Good luck