vessa

hi, i know the feeling...i lost 30 pounds the month after my daughter was born, and then gained it back and then some the four months after that! I also moved to another state, and between the stress of neew baby and moving my entire life, I chose food to cope, threw all my wisdom of proper band management ou the window, an cheated myself back into compulsive eating. That was a month ago. I just got so sick of feeling out of control again, eating all the time. I got myself this gazelle machine, and once i was exercising again, I didn't want to screw up my hard work during the day by stuffing at night. And I really was dumb, eating little bits, drinking water to get them down, not being able to eat something, puking and moving on, trying again. Really out of control behavior. Now that I am "sober" I see that I was never eating out of hunger. I have my total weak moments at night (it was my "stuffing" time) but I just think of myself as an ex-junkie, and that kind of behavior as a drug, I'd do anything, go through any amount of mental distress, not to "use" again. I'm worth it an my family is too! An example, like a moron I was working on my grocery list at my most weak time last night, and I started getting really hungry, so I put it down and went to read, and then had this total panic attack that my daughter was not breathing in her crib, so I checked on her, and she was fine! Then I went into living room and told my husband I was having a panic attack and talked to him about it. I felt better within a half an hour, and suddenly had this great insight into my twisted brain. (Not so long ago, that panic attack would have been followed by a huge binge) my sneaky brain hunger couldn't entice me into compulsive eating, so it tried to scare me into it! (I know it's not my entire brain, but the sick part). Perhaps this isn't your situation, but I am finding great success in knowing why i eat. My hunger is so small and I do great when i use band correctly, but it is a battle. I got back up, so I'm oing pretty damn good. As far as weight loss, i'll get there, i know it.

This is my world! Do you have any idea how many scales I have tossed in the garbage after pushing myself to the edge and gaining?! The only sanity I have found in dealing with this is to not weigh daily. Easier said than done, I know.

I battle it, like I'm the good cop and head hunger is a pusher trying to get me to take its drugs (unhealthy foods). I was once a total food junkie, with the band too. I battle daily, and every new day when i wake up and succeeded yesterday, i feel great, regardless of how much weight i lost. I definitely have my 11 pm weak moments where i am just totally burnt out, but i just cant go back to that wild uncontrolled compulsive eating. I never knew when i was hungry, i never felt anything because i'd stuff it all down with food. When people say ban is a tool for weight loss, i agree, but i also see it as a gentle teacher, encouraging me through moderation in the ways of healthy eating. I can cheat it, but in the end, that is as stupid as hitting myself with a baseball bat, i am the one who suffers.

AMEN! nice to hear someone else thinks this!

So, I was fat once, an then I was skinny, really skinny, and now I am chubbier than ever (but working on it, yea). One thing I really despised when I got skinny, was that the funny smart girl all my friends loved, suddenly became eye candy and dumb slut. The guys drooled on my boobs and hit on me, and the women friends, like 90% of them were so mean and catty! And I swear to high heaven, I wasn't a bimbo, I didn't dress sleazy, I recall acting exactly the same as I ever have. Even when I met my husband, his buddies were offensive to me, and woul piss him off. Perhaps it is just the hillbilly-ville I lived in, or that I overcompensated with humor when I was chubby. Perhaps my weight now is directly related to those icky feelings and vibes. I'm a very happy wife, and a loving mom now, grown up from all that, but it lingers. I was and am respected for my insight and humor. But it bothers me alot, and my husband also, for me to get ogled. I swear, I not vain, far from it, I just don't know how to deal with onlookers, or catty, insecure women. And I know that alot of people mean no harm, and it's on me too. I've always been overweight, except for that brief interlude, and to be honest with you all, i felt like a dumb, trashy, sex object. How should I come to terms with this? Has anyone else ever had this experience, how did you deal?

I hate this, especially with the in-laws. I always try to order something I know I can eat a "decent, unnoticeable" amount of, like soup or something. Or something with alot of bones in, like ribs (sure...i order them for the bones, you can believe me, right?) I get water, take small bites, eat real slow...lots of water. I hate to admit it, but i've even had to duck into rest room to cough up enough so i didn't do it next to the table! Usually I can get away with ordering soup and saying, "oh, this is all I'm getting, Im watching my weight, I'm oing really goo too, so I don't want to mess up ") usually all the tiny people around me are like, "OH, good for you." and change the subject. (Although i secretly think they are thinking, "it's about time!"

BJean and Kat, how wonderful you made this thread a bit more delightful, it was so negative. You brought sunshine to this cloudy place.

Jachut, it is a very interesting perspective you have. I always enjoy reading your posts, as you are a great inspiration to me. It is disappointing that some here cannot appreciate that, to project some kind of bad attitude on you for your success, especially since we are all in the same boat. Thanks for "enlightening" me. p.s. Australia was always my dream destination, until i heard they have huge spiders and poisonous jellyfish!

All this inspiring, kind words. I read my post, and i think, geez, i was kinda raunchy in my words (i apologize for that, it not my usual style) but i was using words that I was called or parts refered to...knowing that there is other women that have dealt with this is definitely a comfort. One of the hardest parts of the unwanted attention was questioning whether it was my fault, if I had invited it, or not. Thanks everybody.

wow, how fantastic, all these great meals. Funny on the hamburger helper thing, I love that stuff, husban does not understand it. He eats it if i make it, but I only buy hamburger helper now that I don't like, stroganoff not even allowed in house! I pray someday I am stronger, but I think it is a pain how I can eat very high fat/salt/calorie foods easily, and choke after 2 bites of a salad or orange. Well, I guess that is why it is called a "tool" not an answer. Thanks for all the neat ideas. I just recently decied to switch over to 98% ground beef instead of ground turkey, 2.5 grams of (i think, dont quote me)fat in 4 oz. compared to 17!!!! grams of fat in 4 oz. of ground turkey. Like the gal who said all her food costs more, I same way. My husband and daughter can eat maybe $35 combined in a week, mine is twice that if I'd get what I really want. But as mom & cook, I want to give them best, you know, do i have to give up getting girl a new toy so I can have fat free cheese? Thats my dilemma. Thanks everybody!

Forgive me, but you are hilarious, I love the humor. When I lost 100 pounds 5 years ago by starving (i lost it in about a year) i toned up alot by circuit training at this place called shapes (like a curves, ugh, I used to work there, they so money-hungry). And I had no loose skin at all. (Although I did gain that weight back, and then some, it was cause i did it wrong, duh, I was all about image, doing whatever it took to be accepted, when I was thin, I still wasn't!) Now I'm older, wiser and much happier, working on losing weight for health, to live for my family. (Such a foriegn idea back then). So I think, "skin happens", is a good outlook, I just hope I o not look like the saggy baggy elephant this time around! ( you remember him?!?) After having a baby, I was shocked to see I had a lower belly that stuck out farther than my butt, eek, TMI, I know! And if it kills me enough that I want to pay about $10,000 for a tummy tuck instead of buying a house, or something really awesome for my family...well, forget it, I wouldn't o that anyways.

I think bandsters have the right to get up and leave the office of any medical doctor they go see who has no idea what a lap band is, or belittles them for having one. (Or bitch them out, depending on how your day is going). My law of irony for a bandster is, even though your skinny mother-in-law always chews you out for being overweight, she will be incrediably, publically offended when you do not eat the huge chocolate cake she made.

As far as failure goes, wellll... I got pregnant 3 weeks after I was banded (did great thru pregancy, gained very little) Lost thirty pounds in the month after, only to gain back 35 in the four months after that. And well, I was feeling like a failure, pretty bad, I mean, the feeling of having to lose the weight again, AFTER the band? I had same story too, I emotionally ate, I STUFFED through the pain, anxiety, tiredness, happiness, you name it. I seen someone here said they neede a "Head BAnd" me too. My head is always hungry. But, I'm back here, have been on for 3 weeks again, I'm tracking my food, I'm drinking my water NOT DURING MY MEALS (ooh, that sneaky water can certainly help stuff down food!) I'm exercising an hour a day, and I have a personal goal (to not eat after 7 pm) which is when I ate 90% of my unnecessary calories. It's a huge struggle, but I feel 100% better than when I was hating myself for screwin' up my band. Having a new baby, I let circumstances take me over, and went back into bad habits. I seen the problem, I am taking it easier on myself, but I am NOT under any circumstances, being a victim of compulsive overeating again. I am too strong, too talented, food is a product to sustain me, not rule me. I am not weak. If I am a warrior, the band is my shield, my sword is my will to never suffer under the dictatorship of overeating again. Messing up, but trying again, even in vain, is not failure. Failure is laying down and saying I'm too weak for this, I quit. Please, if you are here, posting for help, you are not failing.

Wow Trystelle, bread pudding my favorite! I am so going to have to try that! Spinach Omelette 1/2 Cup Egg Beaters 1/2 cup canned spinach 5 raw mushrooms 1/4 Cup canned chicken breast 2 tbsp. Parmesan cheese Stir everything but parmesan cheese, fry in pan with non-stick spray, throw cheese on. Eat. I think this is a fantastic meal, and because I eat about 1/2 cup 5 or 6 times a day, this omelette can last me 2-3 meals. And according to my calorie tracker, it is under 300 calories.

i bought a big bag of oranges and s l o w l y ate the smallest one. YUM EXCEPT...10 minutes later it became ver apparent oranges were going to be out of the pictre for a while, just wouln't go down. sigh... maybe i'll try to make a smoothie.

Thank you, it is my favorite out of hundred's, haha. :tt1:

haha, i got same story, no one takes pictures but me, and i always taking picture over my head, i guess because i silly and think if person seeing pic can't see camera, maybe they be fooled and think I not lonely tard taking pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror in the middle of the night.

i bought one of these for christmas with a gift card, it was probably one of the best things i got this year! haha I have super bad arthritis in my foot from a car accident, so i can only go on for 15 at a time, but i make a goal of it to go on a total of 1 hour every day. It is first exercise i've done in months, and I feel great about it. I love mine. Easy enough that its not collecting dust, but hard enough to consider exercise. Gotta start somewhere, right?

I've had my band long enough that I know what naughty things get past and what doesn't (it seems for me, the most unhealthy things slide right thru, no problem!) SO, although i got pregnant right after i got my band, I did excellent with it through the pregancy, and shortly after. THEN in September or so last year, after putting new baby to bed, I could "relax" because all the heavy stress of the day was over, and that's how I started. First it was small, but I built up to eating sometimes 3 times the calories after 7 pm as I did before. In 4 months I gained back 30 pounds I WORKED SO HARD to lose. I finally got honest with myself after Christmas. I see I was eating to reward myself, eating to numb tiredness/anxiety, eating to deal with frustration-anger-happiness-you name it. Eating for every reason under the sun except hunger. (Just like before, just more carefully and creatively). I got it together in beginning of January. My solution was to eat whatever i needed to eat before 7, and nothing after, NO MATTER WHAT. That is my answer, I have lost a little over 10 pounds. It hurts REALLY bad to have to lose this again, but I'm staying positive. Failure is only when you quit trying, right? Night-eating was my #1 problem, probably well before my daughter, it was just more noticable when she came in the picture. And it is really hard yet. Not eating after 7, I've had more than a few nights of bargaining (with inner food junkie?) miserableness, desperation, but the night I had clarity, when I was like, "Am I really feeling this bad because I can't eat?!? Was I this bad into overeating? To cover and numb life?" (I've had several addictions, none seemed as difficult to overcome as overeating). My girlfriend(who is recovering from perscription painkiller adiction) gave me quote, "I have all the tools around me for true happiness." And it is so. My beautiful daughter, my husband, my great oppertunity to lose excess weight, once and for all. Sorry, this a long write. I just wanted you to know, that wherever you are, suffering "the Starving" at night, I am here too, suffering also, and we will overcome.

i echo this, yall said it better than i can, but i just wanted to add, boo boo kitty, you look awesome! what an inspiration. i started around same weight, but took 9 pregnant months off! Congradulations to you!

This is for those who believe in 2nd chances. I like to think I know what I'm doing this time. The first time was practice...for this much harder experience.

I am fat because I started eating instead of feeling feelings.

BUT, I have to add, my Obstetrician, Dr. Goerish in Mankato, MN was a doll, a tiny little 95 pound beauty, scared me to death with her eyes and professionalism. She calmed me down, dried my tears, telling me it was ok to gain weight when I was pregnant (and newly banded). I couldn't have prayed for a better doctor, I think of her often... and smile...

hey thanks, whosyodaddy, looking into it. I will write to Mary, perhaps and tell of my situation and see what kind of financial wheeling and dealing I can do.