bashful1269

WOW, it's hard to believe that I am 39 years old...seems just yesterday I was wishing for 21. My friends had a party for me last night, HOLY BUCKETS! I will NOT forget this birthday for a while! I'm three months into my journey and it's funny how much I've changed my personality along with my looks. A friend of mine, whom I haven't seen since before I was divorced came last night. She called me this morning and told me that she just couldn't believe the change in me. It made me feel good. That I've made so many positive changes in my life since that time. I've been feeling a little down about not doing the right things all the time and beating myself up for every mistake I've made in the last three months, but looking back, I think I've done pretty darned good. It's not going to happen overnight. I did learn how to make a really good sugarfree, almost fat free baked new york style cheesecake. I was playing around with my recipe because I wanted one for my birthday. It turned out AMAZING if anyone would like the recipe I'd be happy to share. Warning it takes three to four hours to make it. That's it for today, I think it's time to crawl back in bed.

If you haven't played it...you need to play! I bought this game on a recommendation from a friend of mine...It is HILARIOUS! I laughed so much I cried! You have to be willing to act like an idiot, having a video camera on hand is helpful, to recapture what you miss while laughing historically.

If you haven't played it...you need to play! I bought this game on a recommendation from a friend of mine...It is HILARIOUS! I laughed so much I cried! You have to be willing to act like an idiot, having a video camera on hand is helpful, to recapture what you miss while laughing historically.

do you believe this statement? the paradox that we want to be known and loved for who we are; but refuse to reveal ourselves because we are afraid of rejection; creates a tremendous loneliness in our lives. I was reading a book tonight and I read this sentence and it really spoke to me. So often I hide my imperfections because of the fear of rejection. Have you ever really thought about why you were or are overweight? Is it because we fear intimacy? Do we fear letting someone get close to us? That they could reject us if they really knew the true us? So here it goes I am opening up to you my friends on this journey with me. I'm hoping that my fear of rejection will not be confirmed and that I will be able to trust and gain a level of intimacy that eventually I will feel comfortable expressing in person. This week has been a really BAD week for me in the food category. I've over eaten, eaten things that I know I shouldn't and eaten again when I wasn't hungry all because someone really hurt my feelings and made me angry and I didn't understand it and I'm too mad to address it with him right now. Very destructive behaviors and I am working to address that within myself, thus the reason I was reading the book. I have to admit that I don't let people get to know the true me because I have been hurt in the past, I've given myself freely and just been walked on or disregarded as if I didn't matter, like I was nothing. I've decided that I should write a letter to the people that have done this to me. Not for them to read, but for me to destroy and let go of the feelings attached to the hurt and damage they have caused my heart. I'm a bit frustrated as you might be able to tell from this blog. It's ok though, it's my blog and that's what it's here for right? Just getting the inner turmoil out in the open and hopefully letting some lighter and more helpful feelings in. I'm turning 39 this weekend and I'm feeling frustrated about that too. I'm not in a meaningful relationship and I feel it's my fault for not being able to open up to a certain level of intimacy. I tried calling the phyc today, but she did not answer. Not sure if that would help, but at this point I am willing to try anything. Ok, I'm going to sign this off and go to bed so that I don't revert back to those oh so hurtful habits. Thanks to all of you who read this blog.

do you believe this statement? the paradox that we want to be known and loved for who we are; but refuse to reveal ourselves because we are afraid of rejection; creates a tremendous loneliness in our lives. I was reading a book tonight and I read this sentence and it really spoke to me. So often I hide my imperfections because of the fear of rejection. Have you ever really thought about why you were or are overweight? Is it because we fear intimacy? Do we fear letting someone get close to us? That they could reject us if they really knew the true us? So here it goes I am opening up to you my friends on this journey with me. I'm hoping that my fear of rejection will not be confirmed and that I will be able to trust and gain a level of intimacy that eventually I will feel comfortable expressing in person. This week has been a really BAD week for me in the food category. I've over eaten, eaten things that I know I shouldn't and eaten again when I wasn't hungry all because someone really hurt my feelings and made me angry and I didn't understand it and I'm too mad to address it with him right now. Very destructive behaviors and I am working to address that within myself, thus the reason I was reading the book. I have to admit that I don't let people get to know the true me because I have been hurt in the past, I've given myself freely and just been walked on or disregarded as if I didn't matter, like I was nothing. I've decided that I should write a letter to the people that have done this to me. Not for them to read, but for me to destroy and let go of the feelings attached to the hurt and damage they have caused my heart. I'm a bit frustrated as you might be able to tell from this blog. It's ok though, it's my blog and that's what it's here for right? Just getting the inner turmoil out in the open and hopefully letting some lighter and more helpful feelings in. I'm turning 39 this weekend and I'm feeling frustrated about that too. I'm not in a meaningful relationship and I feel it's my fault for not being able to open up to a certain level of intimacy. I tried calling the phyc today, but she did not answer. Not sure if that would help, but at this point I am willing to try anything. Ok, I'm going to sign this off and go to bed so that I don't revert back to those oh so hurtful habits. Thanks to all of you who read this blog.

I think that you are doing the right thing by telling your doctor what is going on. They can't help if they don't know. It's hard to develop all of the new habits we're supposed to have. Be patient with yourself. You can do it!

PBing, is productive burping. Sweet spot, is that fill that finally gets you to where you need to be restricted and making good choices. Not too tight and not to loose. It takes a while after being banded to hit that sweet spot...for me I am finally there after four fills. Good luck.

Last week was a little stressful and I needed to get away, so I jumped in the Jeep and took off. I ended up in Springfield at the Octoberfest. PS...Beer and the band don't work so well together. OOPS! It was nice to just get away and the drive was beautiful down Hwy 5. I love the fall colors. I decided that I'm not going to weigh everyday like I have been doing...yes, I am a scale whore. I have a really busy week this week and fitting in time to work out is going to be challenging. I'm trying to formulate a game plan I already missed this weekend, unless you count the dancing and the...:confused: We ate at a chinese buffet today, it wasn't so bad having the band. I took a little of my favorite things, ate one bite of each and then called it quits when I was full. Thankfully, it was only 5.99 so I didn't feel like I had wasted a lot of money. That's about it for me, now it's time to go find something for dinner. I think it will be my favorite...Lemon parfait yogurt, YUMMY!!!!

Last week was a little stressful and I needed to get away, so I jumped in the Jeep and took off. I ended up in Springfield at the Octoberfest. PS...Beer and the band don't work so well together. OOPS! It was nice to just get away and the drive was beautiful down Hwy 5. I love the fall colors. I decided that I'm not going to weigh everyday like I have been doing...yes, I am a scale whore. I have a really busy week this week and fitting in time to work out is going to be challenging. I'm trying to formulate a game plan I already missed this weekend, unless you count the dancing and the...:thumbup: We ate at a chinese buffet today, it wasn't so bad having the band. I took a little of my favorite things, ate one bite of each and then called it quits when I was full. Thankfully, it was only 5.99 so I didn't feel like I had wasted a lot of money. That's about it for me, now it's time to go find something for dinner. I think it will be my favorite...Lemon parfait yogurt, YUMMY!!!!

I'm having a really rough week this week. It's been crazy at work and then I found out that a friend (or someone I thought was my friend) betrayed me to a point that I doubt that I will ever speak to him again. I am so angry, so hurt, so freaking pissed off that I don't even know what to do with myself besides cry and wonder why? What was the point? Why? :biggrin: I of course am an emotional eater and turned to the cookies the other night. I ate four and got sick...thank you band! Yesterday, I threw the cookies away something I would have never done prior to the band so YAY me:thumbup: I over ate big time and felt like crap. Today, I haven't over eaten, I haven't eaten cookies I took a bath and tried to read a book. I don't know when I have ever had someone make me feel so completely used and hurt and frustrated. GRRRR GRRRR GRRRRR AND GRRR SOME MORE! I'm so angry! I know I need to calm down if it wasn't raining I'd go for a run. I think I need make an appointment with the shrink...did I just type run????:thumbup::cursing::thumbup::cursing::thumbup::cursing:

I know this feeling...it SUCKS! All I have to say is chew, chew, chew and chew some more. Take your time and you really chew your food, it makes all the difference in the world. I get sick like that almost every time I try to eat in a hurry. Good luck.

OH NO! I'm sorry that happened to you. Congrats on the 50 pounds gone! You will look amazing for your reunion I'm sure.

I'm having a really rough week this week. It's been crazy at work and then I found out that a friend (or someone I thought was my friend) betrayed me to a point that I doubt that I will ever speak to him again. I am so angry, so hurt, so freaking pissed off that I don't even know what to do with myself besides cry and wonder why? What was the point? Why? :thumbup: I of course am an emotional eater and turned to the cookies the other night. I ate four and got sick...thank you band! Yesterday, I threw the cookies away something I would have never done prior to the band so YAY me:thumbup: I over ate big time and felt like crap. Today, I haven't over eaten, I haven't eaten cookies I took a bath and tried to read a book. I don't know when I have ever had someone make me feel so completely used and hurt and frustrated. GRRRR GRRRR GRRRRR AND GRRR SOME MORE! I'm so angry! I know I need to calm down if it wasn't raining I'd go for a run. I think I need make an appointment with the shrink...did I just type run????:tt2::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing:

I've always been a stress eater and unfortunately getting banded doesn't take away all the stressful situations life brings. What I'm looking for are ways to deal with this issue of wanting to eat when I am stressed, angry or bored. Tonight I got really angry at a situation that I have absolutely zero control over and found myself with a bag of oreo's and glass of whole milk. Thankfully, I have the band, but I was able to consume almost 500 calories:cursing: before I stopped myself. I could have easily downed another 500 had I not said to myself...it's not worth it. How do I keep from getting myself into this in the first place? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks guys, I am going to the support group meeting tomorrow and the therapist I had to meet with prior to having the lapband done will be there. I think I will ask some questions and see about having a few sessions with her. I threw away the bag of oreo's ...Now that's progress! I also decided that I need to use my fridge as a reminder of my healthy habits I'm trying to establish. I'm working on making a sheet that has a list of healthy Snacks and also in big letters a reminder to eat when I am hungry...something like..."Are you hungry, or are you eating for another reason?" My night time eating is the worst, I do great during the day, mainly because my band is TIGHT in the morning and loose at night. Grrr, it's so frustrating because I work out and then come home and RUIN everything I just did in the gym.

First take a breath... You are in bandster hell. It's the point after surgery when losing is tough. First you're hungry, second that band isn't giving you the restriction that you need. Third you're in this for the long hall it takes a while, some people don't even lose and some even gain during this time. Just give yourself time to heal, get your fills and you will soon be losing. I had my band 7/22/09 and I didn't lose anything for five weeks! I had my fourth fill last Thursday and have lost five pounds. You're doing great! Keep up the good work and look at those five pounds as five pounds you'll never see again.

Congrats! Great job!

Every doctor is different, that and some people have surgery outside of the country they live in, making it harder to obtain fills. My doctor had all of my fill appointments scheduled when they scheduled my surgery. They were amazingly organized all of my nut appointment and my pt appointments were on the same day an with in just minutes of finishing one I head to the next...I LOVE IT!

Congrats on the compliments...doesn't it just make it all worth it. I'm proud of you!

I agree with the just putting on your plate what you're supposed to eat. I use small plates, zip lock 1/2 cup bowls and baby spoons all the time. It helps me stay focused on eating slow and helps me be able to clean my plate. I grew up thinking there were poor children starving and I had to clean my plate because I was fortunate to have food on my plate. It's a tough habit to break and as you get more restriction and a few episodes of that terrible feeling of being stuck you will retrain your mind...Or at least I did. I was going through much the same thing up until my last fill. Good luck. Stacy

I've had four fills and I am still able to eat pasta. Bread is a little rough if it's not toasted or if I don't take little bitty bitty bites. The first fill is pretty easy, for me I just laid there and the doctor felt around a minute for my port and then numbed me and then the fill needle, a total of about 30 seconds if that. I felt a little restriction but not a lot. Sage advice...Don't stress over it. Good luck!

Great job! Nothing to be scared about, it's really easy just lay on the table, feel a little prick of the needle that numbs you and then the fill needle ...all done. My last fill I told her to skip the numbing and just do it...much better. You might not feel too much restriction with the first fill, I have had four and just now feel like I have restriction. Good luck, you're doing amazing...keep up the hard work

:thumbup::thumbup::mad::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: THE SCALE MOVED!! My scale has been stuck for the last four weeks, mainly because I've been eating out a lot with work functions. This last fill has finally given me what it takes to break the plateau, I've lost three pounds since Thursday. HAPPY DANCE HAPPY DANCE HAPPY DANCE!

I agree bandster hell is rightfully named! I finally hit my sweet spot after my fourth fill. It's taking some time to realize that I don't need to eat just because it's time. You definitely need to get another fill so that you can feel the restriction and start losing again. Do make healthy choices the majority of the time and don't stress out on an occasional treat. Occasional being the key word. Exercise is an important part of this journey, our bodies are built to survive therefore they will adjust to the lower calories. I switch up my routine as much as possible just to keep my body guessing. One day I'll eat a few more calories than the next and I'll do yoga or zumba instead of my normal cardio. If you hate to exercise just start small like parking in the farthest parking spot or taking the steps instead of the elevator. Make small realistic goals and don't be afraid to push yourself. Good luck to you.