CoCoBandster

I just have been banded on January 6, 2009. I really had a protein meat preop diet, and my post op was liquids for a week. I lost 8lbs. But since I have been on solids, I have been up to my old tricks again and I feel ashamed! I am exuding NO will power and still snacking on garbage, sweets and fast foods! I hate myself right now. I wont get a fill until feb. 16th and i have gained back 4 of the 8 pounds i lost on my liquid diet! I feel like a total loser, (and not in a good way). Help me, someone, Im drowning!:sad:

I just have been banded on January 6, 2009. I really had a protein meat preop diet, and my post op was liquids for a week. I lost 8lbs. But since I have been on solids, I have been up to my old tricks again and I feel ashamed! I am exuding NO will power and still snacking on garbage, sweets and fast foods! I hate myself right now. I wont get a fill until feb. 16th and i have gained back 4 of the 8 pounds i lost on my liquid diet! I feel like a total loser, (and not in a good way). Help me, someone, Im drowning!

OMG, its been a long while an yes I am finally on the other side. I am taking two weeks off to get my rest in and I am sore, but happy!!!!!!!!!! I a=have already lost 6 lbs in the first 3 days of being banded and am sooo ready to lose so much more! I love you guys and thank you for the support on here and on Youtube! Muah!

OMG, its been a long while an yes I am finally on the other side. I am taking two weeks off to get my rest in and I am sore, but happy!!!!!!!!!! I a=have already lost 6 lbs in the first 3 days of being banded and am sooo ready to lose so much more! I love you guys and thank you for the support on here and on Youtube! Muah!

Whew! OK, so now I am waiting to hear from the Insurance company and I DO expect to hear an approval! fingers crossed!

Whew! OK, so now I am waiting to hear from the Insurance company and I DO expect to hear an approval! fingers crossed!

I know that my last post was over 4 months ago, but I figured that I would do the youtube thing and get started building my vlog. Thanks to everyone that has subscribed to my videos and left me comments. One of my best friends was banded in June, so I am very glad that I am able to watch and learn from her. So, I did lose 6 pounds in June, and then gained 3 back in April. I am beginning to start on my masters degree next week, and they have a full gym and pool and its free to students, so I have NO EXCUSE now about working out! Plus, because I am a tacher, I am going back to work neext week so I wont just be sitting arouund the house thinking about what I can eat next..So, heere I go...My last bariatric meeting will be in the middle of October, so hoefully I can have my surgery soon after that.

I know that my last post was over 4 months ago, but I figured that I would do the youtube thing and get started building my vlog. Thanks to everyone that has subscribed to my videos and left me comments. One of my best friends was banded in June, so I am very glad that I am able to watch and learn from her. So, I did lose 6 pounds in June, and then gained 3 back in April. I am beginning to start on my masters degree next week, and they have a full gym and pool and its free to students, so I have NO EXCUSE now about working out! Plus, because I am a tacher, I am going back to work neext week so I wont just be sitting arouund the house thinking about what I can eat next..So, heere I go...My last bariatric meeting will be in the middle of October, so hoefully I can have my surgery soon after that.

So, with 6 months to go until banding.... I have good days and bad days, but yesterday I ate like a cow. I mean, OK, I am on my monthly, but the grazing that I did yesterday on cake was disgusting. It makes me wonder if this surgery would even be a benefit for someone like me who can fall so far off the wagon, like I did. I hate myself for what I did. Sometimes I feel like I don't even realize what I am doing until after Ive eaten it, or too much of it. I feel like a f*cking screw up! I feel like some out of control monster...

So, with 6 months to go until banding.... I have good days and bad days, but yesterday I ate like a cow. I mean, OK, I am on my monthly, but the grazing that I did yesterday on cake was disgusting. It makes me wonder if this surgery would even be a benefit for someone like me who can fall so far off the wagon, like I did. I hate myself for what I did. Sometimes I feel like I don't even realize what I am doing until after Ive eaten it, or too much of it. I feel like a f*cking screw up! I feel like some out of control monster...

So, just I had suspected they want me to do a 6 month pre bariatric program. Which is fine because I expected my surgery to be in October! That is great news. As I said on my vlog, I don't care what it takes..I will do it! :tt2: So, thank God!

So, just I had suspected they want me to do a 6 month pre bariatric program. Which is fine because I expected my surgery to be in October! :cursing: That is great news. As I said on my vlog, I don't care what it takes..I will do it! :waytogo: So, thank God!:cool2:

I called the doc. group today after my last post and they told me that they did reeive my referral and that its in review!!!!:cool2: Keep those prayers a comin! :rolleyes2:And let me know if you would like prayer for your situation too!! Remember from the Bible: “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.” :cursing: And, I just did another vlog on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/CoCoBandster

I called the doc. group today after my last post and they told me that they did reeive my referral and that its in review!!!!:tt2: Keep those prayers a comin! :rolleyes2:And let me know if you would like prayer for your situation too!! Remember from the Bible: “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.” :smile2: And, I just did another vlog on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/CoCoBandster

Girl, I know what you mean... I am a little frantic too and I havent received my approval yet. I am going to subscribe to your blog, just so we can share and I can be updated on your progress. I do blog on here, and vlog on youtube...CoCobandster, of course! And puhleeze pray for me, as I am already praying for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, allegedly:confused:, my referral was faxed yesterday and I am supposed to learn what if anything is left for me to do from the docs:bored:. So, I am anxious, but trying to think positively :rolleyes2:and continue to pray....(keeping my fingers and toes crossed!:smile2: Maybe I need to stop looking at the clock and the calendar! Aye Caramba!:tt2:

Well, allegedly:confused:, my referral was faxed yesterday and I am supposed to learn what if anything is left for me to do from the docs:bored:. So, I am anxious, but trying to think positively :rolleyes2:and continue to pray....(keeping my fingers and toes crossed!:cursing: Maybe I need to stop looking at the clock and the calendar! Aye Caramba!:cool2:

I need to be a little lighter on myself. But as usual I am beating myself up for what's wrong with my life. So, no referral faxing yet....and even though is shouldve happened last week. Maybe this week it will happen. So, Ive been thinking about how being overweight has held me back in so many ways.... No husband at 35 and I cant help but think now that because I never felt worthy..(being fat) that I never opened myself up to expecting or expecting someone to fall for me. I'm tired of sharing my bed with someone who doesnt desire more from me, and hold me up to sociey's standards of beauty and not being fat. Tired of being judges downward because I ate and what the eating has caused. Feeling less than because society says that I am. I held myself back socially because I didnt want to be compared to women of a lesser size. People think that I am really outgoing but that is all a front. I have a great smile and that is what I have hid behind all of my dating or lack of dating life. I have found myself going after men who were either not available or not "ready" to commit even a courtship with me. I hate myself for dragging out those relatonships that were doomed from the start. Being told all of your life that you have a beautiful face and being sufficed by that alone. It is getting old hearing that. And because I diabetic and high BP, I feel that I have unintentionally sabotaged myself, as I turned to food and overeating every time. As I lay alone in my bed at night, I wonder what if anything I would do differently if I had a real chance at life, I would not hold myself back and try new things. Poeple who have lost the weight that held them back , not only look differently but tell tales of a new lease on a bad life.... I pray that I get this surgery because I feel that its my turn...before I get too old for babies, love and a healthy life.:glare: I want so much to be in love with myself, and yet, I cant because I know that I havent given myself a real chance at happiness. Sorry, If I am depressing anyone reading this...just venting... So tired are my tears...:thumbup: