JazzyMom17

Yesterday seemed like a blur of appointments and blood work & tests. The highlight of my day was my annual appointment with my gynecologist--never thought I would say that. But, last visit, I was in there for ovarian cysts---not "Polycystic"--these were the kind they were really worried about...solid adnexal cysts with significant fluid around them. Didn't look good on the sonograms, but after being on the pill they have gone away. Problem is that I want to get pregnant again--sometime before I'm 35. The lady put my stats in the computer and I could see the history of the last 3 years as she did so. Weight 212.5, Height 5'4.5"....compared to last time of 203 and then the time before that at 186...I see a pattern. The girl didn't say anything. When I met with the GYN in his office we started talking about me wanting to get pregnant and then going back on the pill about a month ago. I took a breath and told him the surgery I am getting ready to have. I always feel trepidation when telling people. Not sure why--but am anticipating some kind of judgement or alarm. (Most of the time I get that!!) But anyway, He was OVERJOYED and SOOOOOOO supportive. He knows of my surgeon and said he's the best one around and that I would NEVER regret the surgery, and that someday I will look back and say it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. He looked at my blood pressure--history of weight--cysts...etc. He told me that he has had SEVERAL patients who have gone thru it and then have gotten pregnant--and they've done "remarkably"---and EVEN that they had LESS complications and problems than their FIRST pregnancies without the band. He just went on and on and the more he talked the more reassuring it was. I was thinking while I was waiting for the appointment...I wonder what he would say--and what it would take for him to say to make me NOT want to get it. Obviously that wasn't an issue. I have only three more hurdles before surgery. Monday is the first support group--my surgeon requires that I go to ONE before surgery......Tuesday is my PREOP appt with the surgeon (I will talk with the Nutritional Therapist at the same appt)...then the 10th starts my PREOP liquid diet. 19 days left...the countdown has begun!!! I am getting SOOO excited I can hardly stand it. My two sisters are distributors for this vitamin supplement called RELIV....they have talked me in to starting it NOW and taking it THRU the surgery--THRU POSTOP diet---etc. I'm excited about that too. It is a liquid vitamin--and 45 calories for the shot--which I can live with. It will provide plenty of great micronutrients vitamins and minerals. If I can get this stuff down then I'm good with whatever liquid protein stuff they can throw at me for this preop diet. I did my will---I know---that might be overkill, but it is a good feeling knowing that my baby girl will be ok if the worst were to happen. But, I'm hoping for the best ---and keeping my eyes on this Christmas and next summer and having a new little baby brother/sister for her.

Yeay!! I'm so excited for you. I have less than three weeks left before I get banded and am getting really excited and scared to death!!! Good Luck!!

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I'm kind of in a whirl the last few days/weeks. I have been meaning to start exercising intensely every day and focusing on eating my veggies to get my blood, heart and body as ready physiologically as I can for surgery. For whatever reason, my body has kindof "shifted" for the worse and my food cravings and addiction-like feelings towards food have gotten more and more toxic. I walked 3 miles on Saturday (outside--prob'ly shouldn't have done that with the pollen) and I was DYING!!! My ankles have been SO puffy after each day of work. The 10 pounds I gained to qualify for the insurance have come with a vengence and I guess I got those the hard way, because they are HERE to STAY it feels like! And with them--heartburn out of my mind, breathless at the slightest exertion, and a "free for all" feeling of eating "my last" filet mignon, soft pretzels upon soft pretzels, cookie dough, mint chocolate shakes before the surgery. I feel so afraid that I will fail at this surgery and what it takes to make it successful. I feel almost clingy to my crazy eating habits that have taken me to this place. This week is a crazy week. Today I have my thyroid doctor (typical checkup), tomorrow the appointment with the lawyer to do my will/trust/power of attorney, Wednesday I have my OBGYN yearly appt and then the PCP pre-op appointment. June 2nd is the PREOP with my surgeon. Today I really want to focus on my goals for the next three weeks and really try to take back the reins for this getting myself ready for surgery.

I'm kind of in a whirl the last few days/weeks. I have been meaning to start exercising intensely every day and focusing on eating my veggies to get my blood, heart and body as ready physiologically as I can for surgery. For whatever reason, my body has kindof "shifted" for the worse and my food cravings and addiction-like feelings towards food have gotten more and more toxic. I walked 3 miles on Saturday (outside--prob'ly shouldn't have done that with the pollen) and I was DYING!!! My ankles have been SO puffy after each day of work. The 10 pounds I gained to qualify for the insurance have come with a vengence and I guess I got those the hard way, because they are HERE to STAY it feels like! And with them--heartburn out of my mind, breathless at the slightest exertion, and a "free for all" feeling of eating "my last" filet mignon, soft pretzels upon soft pretzels, cookie dough, mint chocolate shakes before the surgery. I feel so afraid that I will fail at this surgery and what it takes to make it successful. I feel almost clingy to my crazy eating habits that have taken me to this place. This week is a crazy week. Today I have my thyroid doctor (typical checkup), tomorrow the appointment with the lawyer to do my will/trust/power of attorney, Wednesday I have my OBGYN yearly appt and then the PCP pre-op appointment. June 2nd is the PREOP with my surgeon. Today I really want to focus on my goals for the next three weeks and really try to take back the reins for this getting myself ready for surgery.

Yeah...as I was leaving I was really grateful that it had gone the way that it had and that she actually had some words of wisdom that I could hold on to. And I MIGHT go back if I struggle along the way. I'm all about using resources that are around me!

Yesterday at 2 was my psych evaluation and mysterious test. The psych eval went well---the little lady was about a size 3 and had one eye that trailed off somewhere---I kept focusing focusing focusing on that left eye of hers. A little distracting, but she was a great person. I sat on the couch (sat not lounged) and she started her barrage of questions. What is your history of weight from age 5 until now? What roll did food play in your childhood? Were you ever anorexic or bulemic? Are you an emotional eater? Why do you think this will work when other things have failed? Do you have the support of your husband? Do you have the support of your extended family? Are there people you haven't told about this and why? Have you ever felt anxious or depressed? Are you a person of faith? I went to great length to answer and answer and then I asked her some questions that I know are some personal fears of mine. I asked, "In the past ten years, I have lost ALOT of weight and have always gained it back. I know WLS is a TOOL not the SOLUTION, but I am scared that I will start to slip once I get to goal or 155 or something like that. How do I avoid that? She said the 2% of people who have lost the weight and kept it off (regardless of the method) have done so by 1)TRACKING everythign and 2)GOAL SETTING and 3)surround yourself with a village to help you. She said that I need to practice articulating my needs (emotionally) to my husband and to my friends. THAT WILL BE A HUGE SWITCH for me!! I am self-sufficient person of the year. Also, she told me to learn the difference betweeen a LAPSE, RELAPSE and COLLAPSE. That I need to be conscious of those three stages and to understand that the first one WILL happen, the second one will happen if I let it and the third one is a choice that I am making. She told me to get the book "The End of Overeating" by Kessler. I went to the library and they didn't have it but they had several other ones that I got--and they have been really inspiring to read so far. So my personal goal for the next two weeks is to design a nutrition plan, build a vision board and to start working on articulating my needs.

I'm sorry it's been a bad day! But not too long ago, if you are like me, you would have had a Supersized Meal and a large soda by now. I just got done with my psych evaluation yesterday and the lady talked about knowing the difference between LAPSING, RELAPSING and COLLAPSING. She said LAPSING will happen and those "All-or-Nothing" type people like me have to accept those speed-bumps and not let it short-circuit us to the COLLAPSING stage. Hang in there. Remember where you have been and where you are going and just remember these "LAPSES" are just that and are NOWHERE near what a Day in the life of you BEFORE would have been like.

Yesterday at 2 was my psych evaluation and mysterious test. The psych eval went well---the little lady was about a size 3 and had one eye that trailed off somewhere---I kept focusing focusing focusing on that left eye of hers. A little distracting, but she was a great person. I sat on the couch (sat not lounged) and she started her barrage of questions. What is your history of weight from age 5 until now? What roll did food play in your childhood? Were you ever anorexic or bulemic? Are you an emotional eater? Why do you think this will work when other things have failed? Do you have the support of your husband? Do you have the support of your extended family? Are there people you haven't told about this and why? Have you ever felt anxious or depressed? Are you a person of faith? I went to great length to answer and answer and then I asked her some questions that I know are some personal fears of mine. I asked, "In the past ten years, I have lost ALOT of weight and have always gained it back. I know WLS is a TOOL not the SOLUTION, but I am scared that I will start to slip once I get to goal or 155 or something like that. How do I avoid that? She said the 2% of people who have lost the weight and kept it off (regardless of the method) have done so by 1)TRACKING everythign and 2)GOAL SETTING and 3)surround yourself with a village to help you. She said that I need to practice articulating my needs (emotionally) to my husband and to my friends. THAT WILL BE A HUGE SWITCH for me!! I am self-sufficient person of the year. Also, she told me to learn the difference betweeen a LAPSE, RELAPSE and COLLAPSE. That I need to be conscious of those three stages and to understand that the first one WILL happen, the second one will happen if I let it and the third one is a choice that I am making. She told me to get the book "The End of Overeating" by Kessler. I went to the library and they didn't have it but they had several other ones that I got--and they have been really inspiring to read so far. So my personal goal for the next two weeks is to design a nutrition plan, build a vision board and to start working on articulating my needs.

Have SOOO much fun!! How's your nutrition planning going? Any words of wisdom??

I read your post and almost cried. I am getting banded on June 17th...and reading your words is so encouraging and I can identify SOOOOO much with what you say about food being an abusing love affair. So, I have a question---looking back on all of it now, what do you wish you had known BEFORE you got the band about the process you were about to go thru? Ever thought about becoming a life coach for people going thru this surgery? You have great inspiration in your words!!

Keep up the good work!!! This will all be worth it!!

Oh, no! Not another one! Yes! It is all worth it. And I ALSO got the burping dialog for 5 minutes. Must be standard procedure! ha ha! I have to say when I flipped over to my stomach a burp DID escape--but not to worry. More where that came from.

Ok, Barium Swallow done....and GROSSS!!!! I was unprepared for how disgusting that would be!! I got to the Radiology appt WAY early. Living in DC Metro...the traffic is SO unpredictable. This morning wasn't so bad, so I got there at 7:12 and my appt was at 8:00. I found a Starbucks and got my drink for when I'm done with the B.S. I had to fast from midnight until the appt. I didn't tell them that I ate tacos last night and had horrible reflux so I drank 1 cup of milk at 1:30....I figure it has run it's course by now. And I guess it did--they didn't say anything about it. I had to take a shot of this extreemly FIZZY stuff that tasted like unflavored AlkaSeltzer. That stuff is s'posed to blow up your stomach and make you feel like you have to burp--but you are s'posed to keep it all in. Then about a cup of the "heavy barium". The X-ray tech says "Take 2 swallows" and then takes a million films...then more swallows. And flipping over and over trying to keep your boobs in line. It wasn't so much the taste as the texture of this barium that was so gross. It felt like swallowing white floam. But, it is one more thing down!! I made my appt with PCP for Medical Clearance, Phsyc Eval appt, PRE-OP Appt. Everything is scheduled and on track!

Now I'm stressing about this!!!!!! )

Just a thought--and I'm not banded yet, but it looks to me from your plan that total cups/day would be between 4.25-6. If you aim for more "mini-meals" thru the day---even adding your fruit/veggie as a SNACK then you should be fine, right? I didn't see 'DAIRY' as a food group---are you planning to cut back on that?

Thanks everybody for the support on here!! Suthern_gurl, good luck with surgery in June!! Guess we'll be going thru this together! I wish I would have done this at 25!

Ok, Barium Swallow done....and GROSSS!!!! I was unprepared for how disgusting that would be!! I got to the Radiology appt WAY early. Living in DC Metro...the traffic is SO unpredictable. This morning wasn't so bad, so I got there at 7:12 and my appt was at 8:00. I found a Starbucks and got my drink for when I'm done with the B.S. I had to fast from midnight until the appt. I didn't tell them that I ate tacos last night and had horrible reflux so I drank 1 cup of milk at 1:30....I figure it has run it's course by now. And I guess it did--they didn't say anything about it. I had to take a shot of this extreemly FIZZY stuff that tasted like unflavored AlkaSeltzer. That stuff is s'posed to blow up your stomach and make you feel like you have to burp--but you are s'posed to keep it all in. Then about a cup of the "heavy barium". The X-ray tech says "Take 2 swallows" and then takes a million films...then more swallows. And flipping over and over trying to keep your boobs in line. It wasn't so much the taste as the texture of this barium that was so gross. It felt like swallowing white floam. But, it is one more thing down!! I made my appt with PCP for Medical Clearance, Phsyc Eval appt, PRE-OP Appt. Everything is scheduled and on track!

I'm scheduled for JUN 17th!! Thanks for doing this!!

Mother's Day was wonderful! I have the best family in the world!! After church yesterday, we all trapesed over to my skinny in-laws house and stayed there the rest of the day. I was feeling really fat (Husband took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant), and I was noticing how the top part of my stomach was rubbing against my top. Gross. But I've felt a shift in my attitude...I am not defeated by this fat, because i know in a year it won't be like this. I called my mom for Mother's Day and caught up on everything at home (1,000 miles away) and then I dropped the bomb about what I am "thinking" about doing. I didn't tell her that my barium test is tomorrow, my phsych evaluation is next week and my preop appt is right around the corneer. She was really shocked that I would do something so drastic...and she said, "Wouldn't it be aweful if you died on the table doing something like this?" (NOT saying that I haven't thought about that)...but she was extremely reserved and skeptical of the whole idea of this surgery. When I told my skinny sister on Friday she said, "OH, I hate to think about you living your life unable to enjoy stuffing at Thanksgiving, a piece of pizza...those kinds of things." She has never felt the shame of walking up to a sink in a public restroom and never looking at herself in the mirror because the reflection is not something you want to be reminded of. I know that this surgery is a huge step and that I will give up alot of things that I enjoy now. I know that I am biting off a whole lot more than I can chew. But, food--to me--has been chains,.... holding me inside, keeping me back, stealing my health, draining my energy, feeling like a slave, losing my confidence. This step is declaring war and changing my relationship with food. I am putting a boundary on a toxic relationship with food and saying---THIS is how far you can come! I am taking my life back sooner than later! And, yeah...I AM scared to death that I could "die on the table" and with a beautiful six-year old daughter there is nothing that would justify that or say that it was "worth it". If I die on the table, or from complications from surgery it would NEVER be worth Jasmine losing a mommy!! So, I'm just kind of discouraged today. AND I started the pill again, so hormones are a little whacked.... Tomorrow is the barium swallow. Woo-Hoo! I wonder how that will taste. :oP BUT I'm APPROVED!!! I talked to my husband about all of this and he said that you take risks driving to work every day on 66. That this is something that he supports me 100% on and that "we are doing this" and you'll never regret it. That's what I needed. I know I'm 33 and I don't need permission....but I want supportive family. It means alot to me that this huge step would be backed up by them. NOW I can completely understand not telling ANYONE until it's over.....sometimes it just kind of drags you down. But then I met my husband online---and moved 1,000 miles away to have my dream life now. Sometimes you just know in your heart what is right for you--even when other's would NEVER do it in a million years. I've just given this whole thing to God...there are alot of tests and things yet to go....if I'm not supposed to do it, I'm just praying that He makes it impossible for me to do it. God is in control and I can rest assured in that.