hope2bthinr

Ok, I just have to vent for a while because I'm eating like there's no tomorrow, and although I KNOW exactly why, that doesn't help. So I'm getting it off my chest. I had a family reunion over the Memorial Day weekend. I loved seeing all of my relatives I haven't seen in years. But here's the kicker...I have a sister who is the drama queen and charity case of the fam off and on for the last 30 years. Because right now she's out of work and didn't have the money, I made sure she had a plane ticket to get to the reunion, for my mom's sake. You would think that would be a good thing...my mom got all of her kids in one place for her 80th birthday wish, great! Well, this sister seems to think everyone is responsible for all the drama in her life but herself. It seemed as if the whole thing was in her mind "the drama queen episode" instead of mom's birthday/reunion. So the drama was ramped up, and long story made short, I got to be the referee and psychologist for the week we visited my mother and family. It got to the point that the ranting, threats, raving and fit throwing hit a peak one of the days we were on this vacation and on the way to visit a cousin, I finally stopped the car and left her off at a Starbucks just so I could go on and have a visit with my cousin without the manipulating drama. ....that day went better from that point on!! I have a lot of siblings and half grew up in one corner of the country and half in another corner. The older ones have this thing they do when they see each other (which I don't get, but whatever) they say, "IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" That's not even funny in my book but I don't let it bother me. Not so with the drama queen. It takes such a small comment to just turn a fine time into a big hairy confrontation. I'm not even kidding. Picture a 50 year old that stomps around, slamming doors, smoking doubletime (because nicotine is so calming dontcha know), ranting and raving, and generally acting like a 5 year old because one little comment set them off. I just have to say, I was never so happy to drop someone off at their house when we got back to our hometown. I imagine I left skid marks!!! I've decided that after all this time of helping financially, listening to all the "woe is me, why does all this crap always happen to me??" for thirty years, I'm done. Unless there is strong medication and a whole bunch of therapy, I will not be going on vacation with my sister again. I realized that there is absolutely nothing that will make her happy. I'm tired of being tromped on when the only thing I've done is try to help. I'm going to try to be a little bit selfish and take care of me going forward. I'm going to try to get my stress eating under control. I guess I've gotten to the weight I'm at by emotional eating. I'm sure I'll be learning some new coping skills....and I still have my fingers crossed that my insurance will approve me for the biggest part of taking care of me!! My surgeon consult is on Tuesday!! It's finally near. So I'm putting the stress behind me. And I'm looking forward to my new beginning.

Today was better. Not eating everything not nailed down. I guess it helped to unload yesterday... In considering this huge step, and wanting to be successful at it, I'm thinking I need to see someone to help me with assertiveness. The emotional eating usually happens as my auto response to feeling taken advantage of and manipulated. I must do something about that aspect of the reason I gained so much weight in order to really kick a** on this journey.

Ok, I just have to vent for a while because I'm eating like there's no tomorrow, and although I KNOW exactly why, that doesn't help. So I'm getting it off my chest. I had a family reunion over the Memorial Day weekend. I loved seeing all of my relatives I haven't seen in years. But here's the kicker...I have a sister who is the drama queen and charity case of the fam off and on for the last 30 years. Because right now she's out of work and didn't have the money, I made sure she had a plane ticket to get to the reunion, for my mom's sake. You would think that would be a good thing...my mom got all of her kids in one place for her 80th birthday wish, great! Well, this sister seems to think everyone is responsible for all the drama in her life but herself. It seemed as if the whole thing was in her mind "the drama queen episode" instead of mom's birthday/reunion. So the drama was ramped up, and long story made short, I got to be the referee and psychologist for the week we visited my mother and family. It got to the point that the ranting, threats, raving and fit throwing hit a peak one of the days we were on this vacation and on the way to visit a cousin, I finally stopped the car and left her off at a Starbucks just so I could go on and have a visit with my cousin without the manipulating drama. ....that day went better from that point on!! I have a lot of siblings and half grew up in one corner of the country and half in another corner. The older ones have this thing they do when they see each other (which I don't get, but whatever) they say, "IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" That's not even funny in my book but I don't let it bother me. Not so with the drama queen. It takes such a small comment to just turn a fine time into a big hairy confrontation. I'm not even kidding. Picture a 50 year old that stomps around, slamming doors, smoking doubletime (because nicotine is so calming dontcha know), ranting and raving, and generally acting like a 5 year old because one little comment set them off. I just have to say, I was never so happy to drop someone off at their house when we got back to our hometown. I imagine I left skid marks!!! I've decided that after all this time of helping financially, listening to all the "woe is me, why does all this crap always happen to me??" for thirty years, I'm done. Unless there is strong medication and a whole bunch of therapy, I will not be going on vacation with my sister again. I realized that there is absolutely nothing that will make her happy. I'm tired of being tromped on when the only thing I've done is try to help. I'm going to try to be a little bit selfish and take care of me going forward. I'm going to try to get my stress eating under control. I guess I've gotten to the weight I'm at by emotional eating. I'm sure I'll be learning some new coping skills....and I still have my fingers crossed that my insurance will approve me for the biggest part of taking care of me!! My surgeon consult is on Tuesday!! It's finally near. So I'm putting the stress behind me. And I'm looking forward to my new beginning.

Wow!! Sunny Rachel, I was feeing the same as abcan and thinking about all the failures and wondering "well, how will this attempt be so different? why should I try this thing knowing how big a failure it could be, financially asa well as psychologically?" Your post is so RIGHT ON!!! I need whatever therapy got you there! Heh, heh, heh!! You have some great insight.

Soon-hopefully you won't to have all that paraphenalia on you for the second test. All those sensors are SO annoying, I don't know how anyone can think you'll actually sleep. But I have to tell you, I slept with oxygen for the first time last night and feel an improvement already in staying awake, energy, and mental alertness ALREADY! Hope the treatment help you feel better too!

Well, yesterday was a good day, I think!! In terms of getting to insurance approval at least... My dr. office called and said my sleep study results show I stop breathing or slow down enough that my oxygen level drops at night but it's not obstructive sleep apnea. But when I look at my ins requirements, it looks like if the Dr diagnosis is some kind of sleep apnea, it will qualify me. The Dr prescribed oxygen for night time, which seems drastic but it's better than having a CPAP machine from what I've heard. And maybe it will prevent me from falling asleep at my desk a couple times a day. :thumbup: SO, since it looked like I may have a good chance for preauthorization, I faxed all of my releases, health history, family history, weightloss history, insurance cards, everything I could think of over to my surgeon. Now, mind you, my appointment isn't until 6/2/09, so I'm thinking the surgeon is either going to think I'm very thorough or obsessive!!!! All I know is, if this thing gets approved, and believe me, I will do everything in my power to make it happen, I want to move ON. I just want to get going. I'm finding myself without a lot of people to talk to about this because I've only told a few very supportive friends who will not spill the beans, so I may be posting a lot!!! I don't want to wear my friends out talking about this or with my excitement. So this is a good place to put it all down. Thanks for all the people that post encouragement here. I may not have pursued this if I hadn't read about 2000 posts worth of it.... So happy there is a place to write and to document my journey.

Thank you, thank you!! I have one regret...that I didn't get this done sooner, but then...I may not have qualified sooner. So maybe this is just meant to be, NOW! BG, yes I saw we had some similar stats, and it's so hard for me to believe when I write "I have 100 lbs to lose". I was a state champion gymnast weighing 105 of nothing but muscle at 18, and after giving birth only weighed 10lbs more than that. I always said when i was young that I wasn't going to follow the genetic pattern of my family because I made it to 30+ without being overweight. But I had one of those "years from hell" come along in my life where so many things happened that drilled through me that maybe I'm not perpetually lucky (like I really believed I was) and I nearly cracked and had to go on anti-depressants for several years and have never been the same since. The weight just kept coming despite all my successful attempts to lose. Even after getting off the antidepressants. Finding out about this LapBand solution has probably been the biggest uplifting thing I have found in years and this site is the very best for finding encouragement, information, ideas, etc. I never would have considered gastric bypass as it seemed too radical to me and so permanent if there's complications. And by the way, my sleep study wasnt scheduled till 5/18 but they had a cancellation so I got a call that I could do it the 5th if I wanted to...?...uh, I wanted to say "I'll be there in 5 minutes!! and believe me, I'm tired. I just fell asleep at my desk!!" so that night I did the study. Glad to have gotten it done early because now I'm making some headway on this. And I'm going on vacation for a week which will help keep my mind occupied until my appt. Trouble is...it's a family reunion, and people I haven't seen since I was a little skinny kid will see me this big. Oh well, it will be the last time they see me this way!! I have a 30th class reunion in Oct. If I'm able to get a surgery date that's soon, and make significant progress before then (which I will because I've been having to try hard to stay above qualifying weight and really tired of eating) I may actually go to it! My spirits are high. Hopefully, I'm not on the emotional rollercoaster I suspect I'm on, I just want to stay up here. But I am SO looking forward to gittin er done!!!

Well, yesterday was a good day, I think!! In terms of getting to insurance approval at least... My dr. office called and said my sleep study results show I stop breathing or slow down enough that my oxygen level drops at night but it's not obstructive sleep apnea. But when I look at my ins requirements, it looks like if the Dr diagnosis is some kind of sleep apnea, it will qualify me. The Dr prescribed oxygen for night time, which seems drastic but it's better than having a CPAP machine from what I've heard. And maybe it will prevent me from falling asleep at my desk a couple times a day. :smile: SO, since it looked like I may have a good chance for preauthorization, I faxed all of my releases, health history, family history, weightloss history, insurance cards, everything I could think of over to my surgeon. Now, mind you, my appointment isn't until 6/2/09, so I'm thinking the surgeon is either going to think I'm very thorough or obsessive!!!! All I know is, if this thing gets approved, and believe me, I will do everything in my power to make it happen, I want to move ON. I just want to get going. I'm finding myself without a lot of people to talk to about this because I've only told a few very supportive friends who will not spill the beans, so I may be posting a lot!!! I don't want to wear my friends out talking about this or with my excitement. So this is a good place to put it all down. Thanks for all the people that post encouragement here. I may not have pursued this if I hadn't read about 2000 posts worth of it.... So happy there is a place to write and to document my journey.

Congrats on being banded!!!! Hey BG, I failed the sleep test!! WOOHOO!!! I don't know what it's called but I don't breathe enough at night and my oxygen level falls, which is probably why I've slept like crap for years! Anyhoodle, my Dr. prescibed oxygen for night time (I feel so stupid and lame about that). I keep telling myself, it's temporary and probably my Dr trying hard to HELP me, so I will do as I'm told. I know there is something definitely wrong because I can't stay awake during the day even after drinking Monsters/coffee and I'm sure people at work wonder why my head bobs now and then and my eyes are shut when they pass my office. I go through the sleep attacks at least twice a day. Lucky I don't have keyboard indentations!!! But here we are...back to a darn good reason to qualify me for ins coverage for this procedure, eh?? And to think I was afraid to ask my doctor for the recommendation for the LapBand. I've been down the "you just need to eat less" and the "you need to work out more" roads (as recommended by the same doctor), so I didn't think they would understand the struggle. But now I LOVE my Dr!! And doing the happy dance. I don't have approval from my ins yet but this should help make my case.

Thank you for the detailed post. Somehow, reading all of the detail and realizing it isn't so scary compared to some surgeries takes some of the nerves away. I don't have a date yet but I am aiming to go at high velocity through the prelim stuff. I have my surgeon appt in a couple weeks and I already faxed over all my medical info releases, medical history, family history, physical and blood test results, sleep study, and I don't know what else...31 pages worth. Plenty of time for review and getting stuff together for ins. pre-authorization. Yes, that sounds like someone with OCD but dang it all, I've been fighting this battle for 18 years and I'm ready to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Even if I have to drill a hole in the tunnel to get there!!! LOL So glad you shared your experience! Thank you! I've read your other posts and they're informative and entertaining. Hope I can be giving the same type of update VERY, VERY SOON!!!

I just had the sleep study done and the full cost was $1697, Aetna ins negotiated price brought it dow to $698 and my ins paid $238 (gee thanks!)so I'm left with $460 out of pocket unless I can get my other ins to pay some of it, but I think Tricare excludes sleep apnea and any kind of testing and treatment for it. Not positive about that. Hope that helps.

Congrats!! I sure hope and pray I'm saying the same thing in a few weeks!! I'm scared, anxious and all that stuff but I know I can feel and look a whole bunch healthier in a year or so, so that is what I'm focusing on..... I can do anything it takes, as long as I know I have a tool that will help me be successful for the long haul. Best of luck to you all!!

Thanks for the encouragement! I'm in the process of pushing the train up hill to get everything to work out for this. Still have to get my insurance approval. My doc got my sleep study today but I don't know yet what the result is. If it comes out "right" then I think I should sail through as long as the rest of the team is on the ball. I'm trying not to get too excited before getting my consult and insurance approval. But I'm sure everyone knows the feeling....excitement is building!! I've been researching this for months, went and had a physical, talked to my doctor and got a referral, info sessions (2 different surgeons) more research, sleep study, bloodwork, phone calls, made consult appt, and now it's a waiting game. But I know this part of the process is probably going to be the easy part! But I can't wait to just get on with it already!!!

After turning about 32, I started gaining weight and of course, trying to lose weight. The more I tried to lose and was successful, the more I'd end up gaining back every single time, and failing. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was actually at a reasonable weight or size. Back "then" I was very active, full of energy and felt full of life. I really want that back. It really, really burns me when friends say "well, maybe you just have to accept the way you are and live with it". Sure, all of those people haven't been down this road so it's easy for them to say that and I know they're just trying to be good friends. The trouble with that is, I'M NOT REALLY LIVING, PERIOD!!! There are so many things I just accept that I can't do while carrying around an extra hundred pounds. Even mopping the floor or vacuuming causes my back to be in pain to the point that I take preventative medicine before starting a task and sit down with ice on my back afterward so that in the morning after I can get out of the bed again. How is that living? But here I am...and this is going to be a new chapter and I'm going to write it different...better... and I know that with this new tool, I can be successful. Maybe not overnight, but what's two or three years when 18 have gone by in a blink and through that 18 years all I did was gain after every attempt and end up here? This time will be different. A year from now I'll read this, I know, and think "who was that depressed person??" So here I go!!! And I can't wait!!

Looking forward to turning 50 in regular sized clothes, not carrying around 100 extra lbs (my back is going to thank me most :smile:), not wearing out the inner thigh on my gym pants because I walked ALOT and my thighs rubbed together so much, sitting in my office chair and not sliding out constantly because my booty is so big , being comfortable in my skin!!!!!

After turning about 32, I started gaining weight and of course, trying to lose weight. The more I tried to lose and was successful, the more I'd end up gaining back every single time, and failing. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was actually at a reasonable weight or size. Back "then" I was very active, full of energy and felt full of life. I really want that back. It really, really burns me when friends say "well, maybe you just have to accept the way you are and live with it". Sure, all of those people haven't been down this road so it's easy for them to say that and I know they're just trying to be good friends. The trouble with that is, I'M NOT REALLY LIVING, PERIOD!!! There are so many things I just accept that I can't do while carrying around an extra hundred pounds. Even mopping the floor or vacuuming causes my back to be in pain to the point that I take preventative medicine before starting a task and sit down with ice on my back afterward so that in the morning after I can get out of the bed again. How is that living? But here I am...and this is going to be a new chapter and I'm going to write it different...better... and I know that with this new tool, I can be successful. Maybe not overnight, but what's two or three years when 18 have gone by in a blink and through that 18 years all I did was gain after every attempt and end up here? This time will be different. A year from now I'll read this, I know, and think "who was that depressed person??" So here I go!!! And I can't wait!!

My first post...couldn't resist!! I laughed so hard reading your adventure!! And I am sure I'm desperate enuf to do the same. I'm just beginning the process and not looking forward to the process of trying to qualify. Too healthy. DOH!! Why isn't it based on the potential for the stuff I will develop eventually if I stay this obese?? I had a sleep study and am praying I actually slept enuf that there was time to show sleep apnea. They really should call it a wake test because who can sleep with stuff glued all over their head, wired up from every limb and eye, with a little wired thing conveniently tickling your nose hair all night long? I couldn't wait to get up in the morning and go home and take a nap!!! But girl, after reading all the stuff people go through, I've built my determination up and believe me if there is a way to come up with something to qualify me, I'm going to find it!! Thanks for the hilarious story!!