silentfades

WHY DO WE NOT HAVE A MANHATTAN SUPPORT GROUP ? I CAN NOT BE THE ONLY PERSON HERE IN NYC TO BE PLANNING TO BE BANDED ? I REALIZE THAT NYC DRs HAVE THIER OWN PATIENTS BUT NO OTHER SUPPORT GROUP FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT CHOOSE THEM OR WHO ARE INTERESTED IN A GROUP? IS ANYONE ELSE INTERESTED IN A MONTHLY dinner OR GET TOGETHER IF SO EMAIL ME SILENTFADES@AOL.COM AND LETS PLAN ONE AS THE SONG SAYS --- "LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!":clap2: MARC

Hey that is a great IDEA -------- OF all of the money I have wasted over dinners and food gorging myself -- I will join LUCY and as well send a check of 25.00 toward your surgery. Send me your address to my email and I will post a check out asap but it can only be used for your surgery. Promise that and it is a done deal ? Marc silentfades@aol.com

HELLO ALL -- First of all I want to say thank you sincerely to all who responded to my many questions when I first posted. I have done a pretty extensive search and am convinced that alot of MDs are getting very rich off folks needing help in being banded but that is an ethics discussion for another time. I have picked Dr Kirshenbaum in Denver for several reasons and feel very comfortable that he is top notch and the prices are as reasonable as I am going to get here in the states. As well he is using the new AP band that has been suggested if I am going to do this I should have this type. I am doing this on 9/11 for a very specific reason -- I was here in NYC not too far when 9/11 happened. I heard the plane go over my village apt and saw the ever memorable orange ball of fire engulf the North Tower knowing that folks I knew were dying. For months after I took care of patients of mine who lived being at the site. I also lost several patients during that murderous event. For the first time in my life I used the diagnosis victim of war. (I am a physician assistant) It had a personal effect on me that was emotionally devastating and at times to this day. I want to reclaim that date for life. I am going to Denver alone and want to do this alone as far as the trip and surgery. It is like facing and wrestling my own demon and facing myself as a I have never have. The only concerns ok lets be real here -- fears are those of post op concerns -- slippage / erosion / leaky port / vomiting and ruining the band. Of these things I am terrified that something will happen and ruin it all. Being self pay I can not afford to play around and ruin this wonderful opportunity. I must do everything I can to take advantage of this choice and chance being so greatly given to me. I can not tell all of you enough how much I admire you in your threads and how much respect I have for you as men and women who are facing thier situation. You folks are really awesome - :clap2: It has taken me years to do so but now I can feel some respect that I am going to take care of what needs to be done. One day at at time. Marc Silentfades@aol.com

Hey Guys First of all I want to say thank you sincerely to all who responded to my questions when I first posted. I have done a pretty extensive search and am convinced that alot of MDs are getting very rich off folks needing help in being banded but that is an ethics discussion for another time. I have picked Dr Kirshenbaum in Denver for several reasons and feel very comfortable that he is top notch and the prices are as reasonable as I am going to get here in the states. As well he is using the new AP band that has been suggested if I am going to do this I should have this type. I am doing this on 9/11 for a very specific reason -- I was here in NYC not too far when 9/11 happened. I heard the plane go over my village apt and saw the ever memorable orange ball of fire engulf the North Tower knowing that folks I knew were dying. For months after I took care of patients of mine who lived being at the site. I also lost several patients during that murderous event. For the first time in my life I used the diagnosis victim of war. (I am a physician assistant) It had a personal effect on me that was emotionally devastating. I want to reclaim that date for life. I am going to Denver alone and want to do this alone as far as the trip and surgery. It is like facing and wrestling my own demon. The only concerns ok lets be real here -- fears are those of post op concerns -- slippage / erosion / leaky port / vomiting and ruining the band. Of these things I am terrified that something will happen and ruin it all. Being self pay I can not afford to play around and ruin this wonderful opportunity. I must do everything I can to take advantage of this choice and chance being so greatly given to me. I can not tell all ofyou how much I admire you in your threads and how much respect I have for you as men who are facing thier situation. It has taken me years to do so but now I can feel some respect that I am going to take care of what needs to be done. One day at at time. Marc Silentfades@aol.com

When are you coming to NYC ? I am going to be banded on 9/11 -- would very much welcome the chance to meet you when your in town. Feel free to email me at silentfades@aol.com and welcome to the USA and esp to NYC Marc

Marc from NYC here -- I have been reading all of your post and you all sound great and congradulations on all of your progress wt loss, and return of your self esteem. I had decided to do this one year ago -- and a situation came up that I could not at that time. Well I have now realized that it is no longer a choice. I am literally dying -hypertension sleep apnea and have begun an agressive saving plan to have this surgery. The irony of this is that I am in the field of medicine(as a Physician Assistant) in a small office in NYC. We serve the poor and the office does not provide benifits. I am considered to be an excellant clinician but I can not take care of myself. It causes me alot of shame embarassment and guilt. I may have to have this done in Mexico and frankly do not want to go there - I realize the physicians there are excellant and have been checking them out. It is not Mexico or them it is the fact that if I got into medical trouble I do not have access to them immediately. Anyone aware of persons here in the states who do banding for non insured patients? The folks at NYU do but I called them and they want 26,000. That is way out of my range. I have seen on occasion the term PB - what is that ? I see it associated with over eating post banding but do not know what the initials stand for. Frankly (and I am not suicidal) but sometimes I feel that there is no hope as I can not ( despite many attempts to control) can not control my eating. This has and is rapidly having a great cost and continuing to the ruination of my life. Then I detest the idea that if I were man enough then I could do something. Well enough for now and hopefully I have no alienated anyone with my raw gut feelings. My email is silentfades@aol.com. Again thank you all for sharing - you have encouraged me in a great way. Marc ps double post also in mens forum but wanted to reintroduce myself here as well -- thanks for listening MG

In regard to your surgery in Oregon if you dont mind would you share the name of who did your surgery and what facility ? 10,000 is reasonable. Did they require you to be overnight ? Did you feel you were well cared for and attended to there ? Again - thank you for sharing. Marc

Marc in NYC here I wanted to say hello to you folks. I am encouraged by your bravery and openess that is so well shared in your posts. Thank you. I have decided to have a band -- will be self pay and hopefully will have it financially together in a couple of months (sooner if I my loan is approved !!!!!) :faint:-------> a dramatic swoon while fanning myself as opening the banks decision letter ! I have a question -- well honestly -- lots and lots of questions -- -- Thank you for the patience. Has anyone had significant problems post surgery? I will be doing this alone -- was anyone afraid going to have this done at the time of surgery -- (This is playing a mind game on my masculiniity issues to be honest. The whole idea if I was "man" enough then I would not have any fear and the other if I was man enough I would not be in this situation. I realize it is old tapes and not a valid truth) but has anyone else feel or have felt similar ? Anyone aware of MDs in the states who do lapbands for a reasonalbe fee? I checked with NYU and they want 26,000. A bit much for me like way too much. Has anyone post op become or develop issues of anorexia or eating depravation ? Post op how does this affect a person sexually ? Is the port obvious ? Does it become more obvious the more weight you loose? Can it be felt while another person is touching you? Does the port hurt in general or during exercise of if it is touched ? Can pressure be put on the port ? Due to the wt loss has anyone noted a increase in sex drive ? (a loss of fat decreases estrogen thus an increase in testosterone) If this is an incease in testosterone has anyone noted any hair loss ? Despite successful wt loss does anyone still see themselves as fat ? How do you cope with others reaction to your wt loss ? Do you share with others you had a band or not ? Does anyone continue or go to OA / Weight Watchers or a band group for ongoing support ? I know I will have excess skin - how do you deal with that and how has it been with others who your being sexual with ? Anyone here in NYC that attends a or knows of a band support group? I am sorry about all the questions and if are overwhelming --- um you can um blame my mother-- (OPPS -- sorry mom if your reading this ... ) She always told me to "shut up" as I ask to many questions lol lol Look forward to getting to know you all and be known by you all in time via this chat room. Stay well and keep up the recovery. Again thanks Marc Silentfades@aol.com

Marc from NYC here -- I have been reading all of your post and you all sound great and congradulations on all of your progress wt loss, and return of your self esteem. I had decided to do this one year ago -- and a situation came up that I could not at that time. Well I have now realized that it is no longer a choice. I am literally dying -hypertension sleep apnea and have begun an agressive saving plan to have this surgery. The irony of this is that I am in the field of medicine(as a Physician Assistant) in a small office in NYC. We serve the poor and the office does not provide benifits. I am considered to be an excellant clinician but I can not take care of myself. It causes me alot of shame embarassment and guilt. I may have to have this done in Mexico and frankly do not want to go there - I realize the physicians there are excellant and have been checking them out. It is not Mexico or them it is the fact that if I got into medical trouble I do not have access to them immediately. Anyone aware of persons here in the states who do banding for non insured patients? The folks at NYU do but I called them and they want 26,000. That is way out of my range. I have seen on occasion the term PB - what is that ? I see it associated with over eating post banding but do not know what the initials stand for. Frankly (and I am not suicidal) but sometimes I feel that there is no hope as I can not ( despite many attempts to control) can not control my eating. This has and is rapidly having a great cost and continuing to the ruination of my life. Then I detest the idea that if I were man enough then I could do something. Well enough for now and hopefully I have no alienated anyone with my raw gut feelings. My email is silentfades@aol.com. Again thank you all for sharing - you have encouraged me in a great way. Marc

Hello My name is Marc and the first thing I want to say is I am terrified. I am a 51 and also a gay man who is single and feels sometimes in a double world -- in the idea with the prejudice of being overweight in traditional society but as well in a gay community being fat is certainly not admired and totally looked down upon in a disgusting way moreso than straight society I'm having surgery on August 31 by Dr. Ortiz in Mexico. No one in this world with the exception of my therapist and my best friend knows I'm going to do this. I have no idea what to say after ward but I am sure I will find something -- any ideas would be great. Sometimes having a little bit of medical knowledge is not good. I constantly think of slippage errosion and various banding failure/ or complications in the operating room. I have heard both good and not so good about Dr. Ortiz as well as of the other surgeons in Mexico. However everyone in medicine has patients who for whatever reason have not been pleased-- so far I am still ok with him as the surgeon. I'm going to be self-pay and terrified if I have a complication once back here in the states that I will the up a creak without a paddle. I will be followed by Dr. Ren whose a surgeon here in New York in regards to fills. I look in my hands as I am typing this --these hands haved welcomed hundreds of babies into his world over the years and as well comforted and touched many who were leaving this world. --They are the same hands that are killing myself with my overeating and the hands that when I touch my own body I feel a disgust and repulsion. Things in an extremely stressful as in my family (who is 300 miles away) my mother and grandmother both dying -- that my mother has a situation medically it can be corrected but due to her own stubbornness and narcissism she will not submit herself to medical protocols which on some level makes me feel very unloved. My grandmother on the other hand has lived her 94 years and simply wants to go home as she says and be with my grandfather -- I don't take from her this wish but when her time here is over however and I no longer have her in my life it will be very hard as she's been my single salvation in this world. Though I have hundreds of letters and cards and gifts from patients I feel so alone and so isolated in this world. I have worked it out so that I work 14 to 16 hours a day go home and sleep get up and go back to work again. Thats it folks that is my life -- no movie no vacation no friends that is what my life is right now. Besides my best friend who is 300 miles where I have no one in my life when people ask on how I am doing I have a very keen psychological way of turning the conversation back upon themselves and not allowing any one close to me I am clearly not here in this room as a physician or medical caregiver.I am here is a patient in a person who desperately needs help I realize if I don't do something now I'm going to die - no drama it is true fact. I have been over a sober for over plus 24 years and seems like I have failed in that in that I have only switched addictions from drinking heavily to morbid obese - eating out of control. I feel I am too old to even begin agian and am in a prison. I was in a relationship over 10 years ago and was left because of my inability in all honesty to take care myself. At one time I was in great shape and and now find myself not able to look in a mirror They say that happiness is an inside job however it seems that no where is it to be found in me -- god dont make junk but maybe he made a mistake here -- I am really a good guy but in a strugggle that is what I feel is a last ditch effort in my life and very scared that it won't work. I feel so ugly and unwanted-I'm sure I sound like a psycho case here however no one would know --. I carry myself well, supervised 10 people, administrating office it that does over $500,000 a year and find myself drowning behind a façade that nobody knows who I am or that I exist -- many times including me. I hope that somebody as you read this can relate I would like to hear what banding has done for you in your life -- how you dealt with her fears of treatment preop -- has it affected your relationships not only with yourself but as well as other people and do you like or love yourself more -- I am sorry this is taken for long but does somewhat feel-good to get out even if it is an anonymous form -- it is not in the closet of fat I have kept it in -- Thanks Marc

See attached for the questions that I feel are important to ask whenever a person is going to have a surgical procedure I tried 5 times to ge this to fit and I would not ... if anyone knows how to resize and plug it into this area I would appreciate it .......... I hope the attachment works. "CAUSE i WANT TO KNOW" Marc QUESTIONS TO ASK.doc

I can not thank you guys (excuse the NY slang) I got a big lump in my throat and misty -- when reading your post -- I really want to stay in this group and will and continue to lookinside and post. Again sincerely thank you very very much Marc "I look unto the hills whence cometh my help ...." Psalms

Mazel Tov His blessing on you and your life together. May you have many happy days and grace for the rough ones. Remember it is a friendship first and then a spouse -- always treat each other like friends and your life will be blessed. Marc