Leona06

I am at 206 this morning... ugh just need to get in my water and stop drinking the alcohol again... I lose SO much when I don't drink... but you're right, we are SO CLOSE!

Hey Ses, That's a great goal! I wish my lungs were larger!!! JC, I'm sorry you are going through this, but remember - you really are an inspiration... You still have a positive attitute and are doing everything you can to deal with it. That, in itself, is inspiring! So update on Matt, we talked and we are gonna try to make the long-distance thing work. I can't believe I let myself fall for him, when I am SO guarded and have never let anyone in like this. It's hard for me, because I've had to be so independant my entire life. Even a simple thing like him paying for me is hard for me to deal with. He doesn't like it when I pay for stuff, but I feel horrible when he does. Yesterday, he tried sushi and like it!, and then we went to a county fair, then went back and he watched some of my opera stuff and was really impressed. No matter how much I know I'm in a relationship, its really hard to let myself depend on him as much as I should. I guess I still have a few walls to break down. We'll see....

me too.... my vices are just sex and alcohol lol

I'm an opera singer... and no... opera singers can no longer be famous when they are larger- take Deborah Voigt for example- she had to have GB because she was fired from an opera house because she didn't look pretty in a little dress... I went to Juilliard for my undergrad and am now at Manhattan School of Music. I don't think its too hard to be a bandster in NYC because everyone has their vice there... alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, sex, you name it. All of my friends know about the surgery and are supportive so thats all that matters. You guys are rocking it! Happy Friday... I have a Sushi/picnic date planned for tomorrow. haha- weird combo, but whatever. its different.

I'm an opera singer. I am super girly to the point that I SPA myself 3 to 4xs a week. I am always done up- full hair/make-up even for the grocery store. I stay up on fashion and trends and can predict what things will come into fashion MONTHS ahead. But, I don't mind getting my hands dirty and I used to be a tomboy. I don't think, I KNOW I'm an amazing person. I've always wanted to be ROCK STAR!

TheWatcher.... Its strange because when I do go downtown- it takes him about an hour to finish and sometimes more... which is stranger that the whole he doesn't really want it thing. It doesn't matter where we are- a bar, the car, he has to have his hands on me. But as soon as I try to reciprocate, he says, "I just want to make you happy... don't worry about me." ugh men. wtf? I happen to like going downtown very much, and pride myself in my awesome technique. someone told me once that it might be painful for him (he is uncircumsed- i dunno if that makes a difference?) . any suggestions?

Ok here's an embarrassing question: My boyfriend doesn't want me to return the favor after he goes to town. What's up with that?

lol PigzRflying... This will be the 6th year I've lived there... I love it!!! But with so many people there, it still is pretty lonely... but the bar/club scene is awesome! So come up and VISIT ME!

ooo JC... I can't wait to hear it! Let us know as soon as you know! I'm glad you are feeling better! Oh Denise, sorry to hear about you father's situation... Just remember to make sure that YOU come first. I feel for you, I know it must be hard, but stay strong- you've come such a long way! Matt started to act a bit different after we decided to be exclusive. But then after a few beers last night, he was more attentive than ever at Beer Pong. I don't know what's up with him... I seem to pull him out of his shell and then the next time I see him, he's shy again. Ugh, guys are weird. I'm really getting stressed about moving to NYC in 2 weeks. But I finally have an apartment to move into! It's going to be great! I'm living a block and a half away from my school, so I can easily go home on breaks, but I can still get away from it! I'm gonna live in a 3bdroom with a Columbia film student, and a double bass player from my school (Manhattan School of Music). Well, That's about it for now... only time will tell if Matt and I are willing to go long-distance. If yes, then that's great.. if not, well I now know that I'm worth someone special!

I have pain when my band is filled too- when he takes the fluid out, I feel a sense of relief and then when he puts in back in plus some, I get a head rush and a bit of pain. But the worst part in the finding the port and pressing down on it. My doc can get the port in the first try, thank goodness!

PigsRFlying...... I see you're doing better! A friend of mine had surgery on Monday and he is doing really well too! Like JC said, just keep walking! ok so update>>> Matt is now officially my boyfriend!!! We had a talk last night and we decided that we want to be exclusive and really work on it... It's going to be hard because I leave for NYC in 2 and half weeks, but we are going to try to make it work! I can't believe that when I finally started to believe in myself, I found someone else that also believes in me. He really is a great guy, someone I could see myself with for a long time because I feel so safe and comfortable with him. I just can't believe how shy he is about relationship stuff... So here's the lowdown on how it went last night... I broke 2 rules- I was slightly tipsy and it was post... but I told him: "I really like you, Matt..." and he said, "I really like you, too" and then silence for a few minutes... until he said, "Is that the start to a conversation..." and I said, "Maybe but I'm not sure if we should have one being kinda drunk and after that..." and he said, "Well, we can have it, if you want..." So again, silence..., and then I said, "Well we both know what we're gonna say... I became attached to you over the past few weeks..."(he nods and smiles in agreement), and then I said, "so do you wanna be exclusive?" and he said, "yes!" and then of course a bit of making out, and then he broke the serious vibe (good thing) and said, "Well, I guess I should change my facebook and myspace!" It was HILARIOUS! So that's that... my first actual boyfriend EVER, and it feels good. But I have so many mixed emotions, and am even nostalgic a bit for single life in the Big Apple. I do like being hit on by guys- its a HUGE confidence booster, so now I'll lead them on a bit, and then not act on it. Please don't kick me off this thread.... I have soooo much more to learn about dating/ single life, and who knows how long this will last... only time will tell! Chrispy, it sounds like you are also getting attached... just believe in yourself, and trust that you are a beautiful person inside and out (because you are!)... and it will happen... Trust is a big issue though. It's amazing how much time you can spend really getting to know someone before you finally know them, and not all people are as trustworthy as you are! JC- try that brocoli and cheese soup... it really works! Panera has some great soups too, even if you have to puree them. And congrats on the 4 pounds in 2 days!!! Kristi- congrats on almost reaching goal!!! You are doing great! Love the pic- you look smokin! apple-- it will happen when you are ready for it! Just keep smiling, and do whats best for you. take care of yourself and relax! Life has its' way of throwing good things at you when you least expect it. Good luck with your surgery- it really is the start of something new and exciting! I am actually thinking of getting a tattoo with my surgery date on it on the inside of my wrist to remind me of the day (figuretively) I slit my wrist on the past and healed them into the future. But I have no tattoos and I'm scared!!! haha Hugs everyone... its mid-week again! ahh!

Congrats Sherri!!! See it gets ADDICTING like no other! I'm PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!! I am craving the gym as we speak because as you now know... it feels good to be doing good things for youself, so I'm gonna workout a bit during lunch. I work in a 6 story building so I am gonna run up and down the steps carrying my luggage purse lol. KEEP GOING !!!!! Congrats BETH on your new Grandbaby!!!! I can't wait for a baby-- well maybe I can, but I'm excited for that point in my life. I went to the gym on Sunday, and did my weight-training/cardio and went yesterday and did the same, and I'm trying for tonight. If I get it in 5 times this week, I'll be happy! We are doing it, July Bandsters!!! We are fighting our demons and becoming better people inside and out... all I can say is, I'm in awe of the amazing changes we all are making. These are no longer sacifices because they are no long worth sacrificing our health. We are now making healthy choices to live, and doesn't it feel good? Countdown to NYC is: 19 days... and the big question is... will my month and half long relationship last? haha... only time will tell!

OMG PigsRFlying... I hope you are joking, but if you aren't then.. 1. THAT'S AMAZING!!! 2. I WANNA READ IT!!! Or option B... I'm SUPER gulliable! _____________________________________ No updates really here, except Matt and I talk on the phone for at least an hour a day, so I feel really connected to him even when I don't see him. Maybe a long distance thing will work out for a while... _____________________________________ JC- I used to put instant mashed potatoes and pureed beef soup together into a really soupy, but still satisfying experience... Your mashed potatoes thing reminded me of it. I also let a slice of cheese melt in my mouth. Made me feel like I was eating real food but it was still technically a liquid. Feel better! I'm proud of yoU! You are so strong!

Hey Missy, I read that book! I loved it! It totally changed my outlook as well. I no longer am desperate or go crazy over guys... I let them come to me, and it works! haha Denise- I think you are very RIGHT about not wanting to be tied down. This is my first real boyfriend (haha i sound 15) and I want to have lots and LOTs more of them! haha Dibaby... you should have went- but I know what you mean- I've also chickened out with that stuff. It takes a lot of guts to go through the possibility of rejection! UGH! Some people make this whole dating thing look so easy and I just wanna KICK EM! haha

Hi Melissa, Good luck with your surgery! This is the place to be... we love meeting new bandsters-to-be. Welcome to the start of your new, healthier life! I wish I could be of some assistance, but I went with Dr. Singh and had a different insurance. Let me know if you have any questions though!

Hey everyone.... So, I'm doing pretty good. I really like spending time with Matt and really like him, but I'm not sure if I would really want to start a real relationship with him. I'm very "New York" and he is more "Maryland" if you get what I mean. I feel a bit too wild around him, and here's something weird... This guy I was seeing last year (once or twice) is getting lapband tomorrow and he is so exciting to start exercising with me and he was talking about about how he want to have coffee and really hang out with me next year. I have so many more things in common with Martin (He's also into music and goes to school with me) and he is in the same mindset as me. It was really hard watching Matt drink like 4 sodas and how he really isn't watching what he puts in his body or really taking care of himself. I don't really like that- I'm taking the time to really feel and look better and its weird and awkward to have Matt not really care. Martin is so proud of me when I tell him about going to the gym and losing weight. It's nice to have that common ground. He's gonna call me back when he is conscious after his surgery tomorrow. I still can't get over how nice Matt is and how much fun I have when I am with him. But I am changing myself to be with him. I don't like suburban life, and when I am with him, I feel like I'm pretending that its ok to not think about my dreams and my future and I don't like that I am letting myself feel so content with something so menial. I feel like I am something special, and I becoming something special- not just in my weightloss, but in my career, and in NYC. For the first time in my life, I can see how some people can live normal lives, as mine has never been normal and I can see how I could do that too, but I don't want to! I want to be famous, be successful, and be in NYC! I like him, but I don't want to get tied down to my past life in Maryland. I also really like his friends and hanging out with them, so I hope I can still stay friends with everyone! whew sorry I had to get that out. Honestly, I am just gonna have some more fun and more experiences until I go back to school. I am learning so much about dating and myself, so I guess thats the point! Chrispy, how's your man? Everything going well? April... I didn't date for about 2 months after surgery- not by personal choice, but because I didn't feel good enough about myself and my body to do it. I did meet tons of guys before and after surgery though. It really is about confidence. Go to a baseball game or something... and just have a chat with a guy in the line. That always helps PigsRflying- GOOD LUCK TOMORROW!!! The first day of the rest of your life is coming and it will be amazing. You'll do great! I went back to the gym tonight, and racked in another hour... I really want to get below 200 before I get back to school, and I'm about 6 pounds (give or take) to do it. This weight training is really toning my arms and stomach! I must admit, I like the results! Good luck everyone on the start of a new week!

Great Job Sherri!!!! I haven't been to the gym since Monday night because I got a bad fever and a weird virus, but i am Going tomorrow morning and I can't wait!!! After the gym I am getting my hair done and then having an eye appt, and then going shopping, and THEN going to my new boyfriends house!!!!! AHHHHH how about that?!?!?! Who would have thunk that I've been dating the same guy for almost a MONTH! whew. I like it! This dating thing is fun, I wish I would have done it more but I don't think I was nearly as comfy with myself as I am now!

awww I got soooo mad on the scale this morning... I got up and went in stepped on it, and it said 195! and then I stepped on it again and it said 198.. and then the next 2 times it stayed at 204. So i still have 4 pounds... but that was FRUSTRATING!!!!! stupid scale... haha well, it woke me up!

Manatee, If you give it a fighting chance, online dating sites could possibly work- I've met a lot of nice guys on there... but be careful, I've also met a ton of crazies! Match.com.... eharmony... try the big sites- they seem to have less crazies! BTW, I ate in front of Matt!!! haha I had a salad-- it was hard to watch him eat half of a personal pizza and 3 sodas, but I felt good about not doing that in front of him. It was the first night I stayed over and didn't do anything besides cuddling... and it was really nice. Still haven't had that talk yet about possibly being exclusive, but somehow I think we both know that we are. Just keep swimming~ (Nemo quote, sorry...but its a good movie!) I now really believe that there is someone out there if you are ready for it... and if you're not, you can learn from all of your mistakes! You guys are awesome- I wish I would have found this thread EARLIER before I had been banded a year+... but I'm glad I've found you guys now!

Beachgirl.... re: the gym: DON'T be scared of it... I prefer to laugh when it hurts... just remember that the first 2 workouts are the hardest and then, well then, you start to crave it and the pain melts into RESULTS! Just be yourself in the gym, you don't need to impress the people at the gym- you are doing this for you, and they have nothing to do with you! It's amazing what happens when you start thinking and doing for YOU. and I know YOU can do it... Just don't go and think you can automatically lift 50 pounds, take it slow and build up the reps and weights. When I first started with this regime I could only do 3 push-ups in a row and 20 sit-ups. Three weeks later I can do 150 situps (and that's weighted) and 8 push-ups in a row (but 25 total). It's amazing how fast your body will take on the challenge if you let it! So you can do it, just believe in yourself and screw everyone else! I can't believe you lost 80 pounds this year! Great job! I can't wait to say 80 lbs... I'm getting close, but I'm not there yet. I just can't wait to get below 200! 6 pounds to go! Oh and make sure to tell them about your back- if it hurts really badly there are other exercise options! When I go to gym, most people are in some sort of sweats, I haven't seen leggin's in FOREVER (well, since the 80's) so don't worry, be comfortable and scope out the scene. Remember the first session is purposefully really hard so the trainer will see where you are and where they can take you in the next few weeks. Congrats on taking the next step! It's more like a leap and you will feel amazing doing it! Just don't forget the protein before and after working out and the water!

Hey Everyone!! I have 6 pounds to go!!! AHHH!!! See you on the other side!

Thanks crazyace! I actually had my surgery in Maryland with Dr. Singh. I have a friend who is getting the surgery with Dr. Ren on Monday, so maybe we'll go to the support groups together. I'll be back in NYC at the end of August... It is such a small world! I went to Juilliard for undergrad and now I'm an Manhattan School of Music, so maybe I know him... well, maybe I'll see you at the meetings if I can make them! Good luck on the 13th!

Still I don't think its a good message to send to kids watching the movie- I don't think spreading FEAR of Fat is a good thing for today's youth. People should not be ASHAMED to be overweight! It is something that can be fixed, it is not a character flaw... ugh I certainly hate the mainstream screaming that anorexia is a good thing...

I don't any inspirational quotes, but I made affirmations that I read to myself every day and it makes me feel like a better person for doing it... here they are.... I will be confident and elated when I sing in front of people. I am safe. I am surrounded by people who love and appreciate me. I am worthy of everything. I care for myself and I am not selfish for putting myself first. I am not going to be tempted by anything. I am a star. I make significant contributions wherever I go. I am ready to perform at my highest level. I am losing the weight and becoming healthy. I deserve to succeed in all that I do. I can let go and be myself without fear of being myself. I am happy with my life and my life is good. These affirmations are working and working fast! I am working hard at succeeding and it’s paying off! I am living my dreams every day.

Well, I go back to school in September, I'll have insurance again, so I will check out my options with that... I do see a therapist though in NYC who deals with people with body image issues and who have had WLS (she also had lapband)... but she has never said anything about maybe having bipolar. When they diagnosed me with borderline in Dec 02, and they put me on the prozac- every time I did something out of the ordinary they would up the dosage until I was at 60mg a day- the max dose. Then I just quit taking it because I started feeling better and sometimes I did crazy things like crossing the street without looking and drinking entire bottles of alcohol (think massive alcohol poisoning), then when I stopped it, and became involved with school (student affairs stuff), I basically had no problems. So its would make complete sense that I am bipolar, but I feel like I have a good sense of control over it at this point. I will talk to my therapist about it in September though. Although I'm not sure if I would want to upset my schooling with regulating medication if I am completely fine in school. I am thought of as one of the favorites- I'm an opera singer getting my masters and The Opera Office casts me in everything and even asks for little favors from me, and there are only a select that has that honor, so we'll see! Life is good, though... life is good.