Leila

Horse back riding, I've never ever been on a horse, and I really want to learn how to ride, but am going to wait until I've lost weight. Going to social events where I know I'll be the only big person, like at very popular night clubs that tend to have just the 'young beautiful thin' people there. I'll go to events and clubs and social situations where I know other heavy people are going, but if I think I may be the only one, I'm not comfortable going. Return to kickboxing, I've told my DH that I haven't gone back mostly because as I got heavier and with the meds I take, I get overheated too easily and I can't keep up, which is true, but it's not the only factor. The largest size martial arts uniform they have no longer fit! I could get into the largest size pants, but just barely, and you can't do martial arts in a skin tight uniform. I could probably special order some martial arts pants from somewhere (or maybe not), but our school supplier only went up to that size. Also just embarassed to show up to classes that big, when I used to teach there, and be so much smaller. Lots of physical goals that I can't do now because I don't have the ability to because my cardio isn't good enough that I want to build back up to, like long hikes in the woods. Even long city walks, I used to love hiking and walking everywhere, now the shortest walks are a hellish struggle. I'm buying a pedometer next chance I get, I'm going to monitor myself for a few days to get a baseline of my normal activity, and then work on adding an extra hundred steps to my baseline each and every day till I'm walking 10,000 steps each day. Then I'll see if I want to increase the goal after that. My 20th high school reunion is this summer, and I tell myself and other people that I would go, but right now we are travelling all over Canada and the US in an RV, so I'm literally on the other side of the continent, busy with my travels. I was thin and modelling in high school, and not popular at all, horribly teased. The reality is, if I felt I was beautiful and not overweight now, I would probably take a break from travelling and go. The reality is, if I wasn't travelling and was right in the neighbourhood of my reunion, I still wouldn't go, not at this weight. I'd be embarassed to think everyone would be thinking 'wow, look what happened to her! She's gotten huge!'. The crazy thing is, I don't have anyone at that reunion that I was friends with in high school, I have no reason to go what so ever. No one there was ever nice to me. It would be totally motivated from a not healthy place to go to 'flaunt' success. Since I feel even though I've been successful in other areas of my life, that my weight has been such a failure, I would never go as is. It makes me kind of angry at myself for having that degree of 'shallowness' inside me, but it's there. XO Leila

The kind of kickboxing I used to do, sport kickboxing, used a -lot- of basic boxing techniques and training, we used the same stance as boxers do, and all the same upper body striking techniques, jab, punch, upper cut, cross, etc. Lots of bag work, sparring, etc. I love it. I like martial arts the best out of all excerise types because it is always changing with you, as soon as you get good at something, there are new techniques to learn, tougher challenges to face, it's constantly changing and challenging you. I can't wait to be able to train again.

Julie, I have zero restriction. I was banded on the 14th, with the large VG (VanGuard band, 10cc). I've always been a fast healer, and don't really swell with injuries. I could drink my protien shake post op the next day no problem, the whole thing down. Each step of the post-op diet I've never felt any restriction, discomfort or pressure in the band area. My doc has two weeks liquids, a week mushies/pureed, a week soft foods, and then regular solids. I decided to cut two days off of each stage because I've felt totally normal/unrestricted all the way through, testing out my new foods super carefully, but when everything has gone down well, just carrying on. I've been managing to lose weight, about 2lbs a week. But it's because I've been counting calories and fat grams and Protein grams and carb grams like an obsessed person. I track everything I put in my mouth on fitday.com - I know from previous attempts at losing weight on my own, that it's just a matter of time before it all comes crashing down, I can't maintain proper eating habits all on my own.. that's why I got the band! I will be 4 weeks post op on wednesday, so I'm going to call and try to schedule a fill. I'm hoping they will do me at the 5 or 6 week mark. They like to wait till 6 weeks post op, but like I said, I shaved off a day here and there from the post-op food guidelines. There's a poll on here somewhere about whether people lost weight, maintained or gained between their surgery and their first fill. Some people lose a lot of weight, some people lose a little weight, and yes, some people just maintain their surgery weight, and some people gain weight. The lapband is a tool, like a gun is tool, but if there are no bullets in the gun, you're not going to hit your target. Some people have restriction with no fill, but it's rare, usually they are people with a small band, and who knows maybe a large stomach, and maybe some consistent swelling. I tried to think of it before surgery as my weight loss journey as a result of banding will only truly start when I have band in place that has been adjusted to the right level to give me restriction. I still have tried to lose weight while waiting for that 'official start', but if it doesn't work out, I'm not going to beat myself up for it. It's a process that comes in stages for me, stage one is surgery, stage two is reaching restriction, and then there comes maintaining restriction, because as you lose weight the band will loosen, so restriction will be an ongoing adjustment. It's hard to be patient. Knowing that I may finally have the ability to lose my weight and keep it off, I wake up in the morning, and look in the mirror and dream about that day... I want it gone! all gone! now! I can't wait! I'm so excited and so ready, but the reality is I have to know it's going to take time, and I have to keep being patient and keep working on it. Keep doing the best you can, and it will happen. XO Leila

Susan, there have been some studies that show that sublingual vitamin b12 works as well as shots, it dissolves in the mouth and goes through the mucus membrane in the mouth directly into the bloodstream. I just get mine at the health food store or pharmacy. You may want to check it out, or ask your Dr. about it.

There is a joke I heard once that I really liked, and I think of it anytime I hear someone say "If God wanted such and such, then it would happen.. etc, etc..." It goes something like this... There is a terrible flood in a small town and the waters rise so rapidly that people are trapped on their roofs, and trying to evacuate safely, the waters are dangerous. A devout fellow is trapped on his roof with no way to escape, he sits and prays for God to save him, as he's praying a neighbour comes by with a row boat and says, I have room for one more, get on in! The devout fellow looks up and says "faith will save me, God will save me, save your spot for someone else". And he continues to pray, and the waters continue to rise. Shortly after a rescue boat comes by and says that his neighbour let them know he was trapped on the roof, they've come to get the last evacuees out. The devout fellow looks up from his prayers and says "faith will save me, God will save me, save your spot for someone else". And he continues to pray, and the waters continue to rise. An hour later a rescue helicopter comes by and begs with him to get on board... letting him know that he has maybe another hour before the waters rush him away. The devout fellow looks up from his prayers and says "faith will save me, God will save me, save your spot for someone else". And he continues to pray, and the waters continue to rise. He dies. He goes to Heaven through the pearly gates, and appears before God. Kneeling before him he asks "Why God, why did you let me die?, I've always been a devout man, I prayed to you to the very end!" and God replies... "I sent two boats and a helicopter?! what more did you want?!"

Cool! I'm going to try to bake my own tortilla chips soon! thanks for the tip!

I had constipation post-op as well, the Dr. recommended Milk of Magnesia for it, which worked well for me. It sounds to be like you're suffering from really bad constipation, it can cause all the symptoms you describe. Treat the constipation and see if it does the trick, it may take care of all of it, and if not, then you'll know something else is also bothering you. You've gone a long time without a movement, that's going to cause a lot of pain and discomfort.

You may want to check with your surgeon before going with gum. Some Dr.'s don't recommend gum and/or hard candies post banding because of the risk of blockages if you accidentally swallow. There have been some threads on this before. I know there are people out there post band who are big time gum chewers, have chewed pre-band and post-band, and have never swallowed gum, and whose Dr.'s have no issues with gum, and swear by it. I also know of a few people who've written that they've accidentally swallowed gum and it's been a pain, literally. I totally think it's a personal choice, and we're all grown-ups and can decide to chew or not chew. I may eventually start chewing gum again, I'm not sure. I've decided to play it safe and quit it for now post-banding, and haven't really missed it too much. Since my habit was always to just swallow a piece of gum after it lost it's flavor I've decided to follow my Dr.'s advice and not do the gum thing, as I might be a higher risk to swallow accidentally. Hang in there, it will be over before you know it, just take it one day at a time. I found the liquid diet the hardest part of the whole process, but it does end! XO Leila

My Dr.'s guidelines are 2 weeks after surgery as well. I went swimming one day early, LOL. You shouldn't swim with open sores though of any kind, surgical or otherwise, because you risk infection. If your incision sites are not healed over, then don't swim until they are. I heal very fast, and had no scabbing or open sores, just closed over new red scars by around 10 days post-op, so felt fine to swim, just to be super careful I was cleaning them gently with antiseptic post swim and applying neosporin ointment with vitamin E as well. If you're unsure and want to swim earlier if you can get a Dr. to take a look at your incision sites they should be able to tell you if you are healed enough to swim or not.

Donna, compulsive behavior can be very challenging, and very very hard to change. I've done some work with obsessive compulsive behavior modification and it is usually an ongoing struggle for people. Obsessive behavior is like having a habit to an extreme degree. Every time you engage in an obsessive behavior it's like digging a groove in a rock, where Water flows through the groove, the more you do it, the deeper the groove, and the harder it is to get the water to go anywhere else except down that particular path. The more you do it, the harder change becomes. The hard part is forcing yourself to do something different. If you at all can, I would totally recommend trying to make a new habit of always leaving a bite behind, always throwing out a bite, always throwing out a chip in the bottom of the bag. I know it is a really hard thing to do, but the more you can force yourself to do it, the more likely you are to break the obsession. It can be helpful to try and recognize habits before they become obsessions and try to vary your behavior as much as possible to avoid digging any new grooves... not sure if I'm explaining things very good today (I'm a bit under the weather, so the brain is a bit slow). Sorry if the therapeutic advice is unwanted... I'm a meddler, I can't help it! Actually I miss the work immensely, it was shortly after I finished my degree in counselling psychology that I had my own crisis, and developed severe depression, I'm still unable to work. Sometimes my desire to try and help people gets the better of me, so please be tolerant with my need to butt in and give tips! XO Leila

Pnut, I am worried, you're obviously such a sweet vivacious person, and alcohol, especially large quantities is -so- hard on the body. Please take care, I have a brother who is an alcoholic, who has been sober now for a few months, his common law wife of a few years also an alcoholic passed away from massive organ failure due to her alcoholism earlier this year, the time he quit drinking was right after her death. She was only 36 years old, and alcohol killed her, it came as a shock to all of us. I truly believe we all have a right to do what we want with our bodies, but I can't help but feel the forums are here partly to help support one another in getting not just thinner, but healthier. I don't know whether you have a problem with alcohol or not, but please, do take care of yourself. A lot of us who struggle with food/sugar addiction, also struggle with alcohol or other addiction... It's been a fine line for me once years in the past. Be well. XO Leila

Julie, I'm impressed, it takes a lot to come out and apologize, to be able to sit back after a while and recognize that something you've said or done came from a place of personal insecurity. We -all- do it at some time or another, lash out, or say or do something we're not proud of. It takes a lot of insight and a lot of personal strength to be able to step away from it, see what is really happening, then own up to it, and on top of that apologize for it. Wow, good for you. You have amazing strength of character, and should be proud of yourself. Just a thought, you may want to leave your initial post, but ad an edit and quote your last message with the apology there after it. You know, I'm positive you are not the only one who is struggling with these feelings, and other people may really find it valuable to see it all together, and to be able to recognize what is happening for them too. We are all different, some of us are more competetive than others, some of us tend to compare ourselves to others more. Some of us have more negative self talk than others. Life is a process, and we all come from different life experiences and backgrounds that form who we are. It is great that there are so many people here sharing who they are. None of us are perfect, and it's good to try to accept one anothers shortcomings... tolerance is a wonderful thing. The interpersonal dynamics between women can be tricky sometimes. Sometimes we get competetive, or catty, or compare ourselves to one another, yet we all want to be accepted and liked by one another as well, it can be an ongoing struggle. It's nice to see resolution happen. Take care, and focus on all the great changes you are making for yourself in your life. XO Leila

Don't ever think 5lbs is a minor accomplishment... here's what it looks like. XO Leila

It wasn't required for me, but I do know that obese people are more susceptible to blood clots post surgical procedure. I believe that the blood work they have you do ahead of time may be able to partly determine how susceptible you may be. As someone mentioned, even without something showing up on a test or in your medical history, there is still a risk of blood clots. If you are going to be flying after your procedure it will increase your risks again. So you may have multiple risk factors, or only one. Different Dr.'s are more or less agressive in their use of blood thinners. I did have the circulation/leg massagers on during surgery, and my post-op orders were to move around as much as possible, and to move my feet and wiggle my toes often to keep good blood flow happening and reduce the likely hood of clotting. I have read in other threads of people needing to self-administer shots pre and post surgery that were prescribed to them to help prevent clots, so you're definitely not the only one. I agree with others that if you're unsure why your Dr. wanted you to do so to get in touch with him so he can explain why he's prescribed them for you. XO Leila

I haven't read it, but have heard good things about "Potatoes not Prozac" - I keep meaning to check it out, but haven't gotten around to it.

Oddly enough for me I didn't find any noticable relief from walking or gas-x after my surgery. The best thing for me was just laying on my left side, with my knees partly bent. The way the digestive system is organized in the body, the gas moves through easiest on that side. Particularly after about 3 days post surgery when the gas started making it's way out of my body the way gas is supposed to, I found laying in that position easiest. Some people though find they can't lay on their sides right after, but it worked for me.

I find that if I don't get adequate nutrition, then I don't feel well, period, pre-band, and post-band. I always make sure I get a bare minimum of 900 calories in a day, preferably between 1200-1500 calories a day. That I get at least 80 grams of protien. That I take a chewable Multivitamin, chewable Calcium, and sublingual b12 Vitamin (melts in your mouth). I use fitday.com to track my intake. I also use ISOWhey Breezer brand protien powder, it comes in great fruit flavours, and mixes in Water or low-cal juice, it doesn't thicken fluids at all. It's pure whey protien. I particularly needed it when I was on pureed foods, since I had a protien shake diet supplied by the Dr. for the liquid part of the post-op diet, but when it came to the pureed/mushie stage I was on my own with protien supplementation. You can also buy Whey protien unflavored, and if you add it to vegetable soups or broth, it will give you the protien you need. Check the supplement aisle of a large grocery store, or for more selection try a vitamin/supplement speciality store. You'll do great! Congratulations on your upcoming banding and on your new job! XO Leila

BPM, I agree with you, I personally find I get a better burn with lifting than I do with cardio. Since I hate cardio and I love lifting, my choice is a no-brainer. I can't wait till I'm healed enough that I can start working out!

lianna, you couldn't have picked better snack choices though, really. Artificial crab is usually either fat free, or very very low fat depending on the brand, it's a really clean pure source of protein. The almonds may be high in fat protien, but they are 'healthy' fats, essential fatty acids, and rich in micro-nutrients, same with the peanut butter. Fruit, veggies and fat free cottage cheese. I think you did great. Do you track your input on fitday.com? I love it. Sometimes I do regular meals, and other days I graze, and as long as I'm within my calorie range, and protein/carb/fat ratio goals, then it's a good day. Venting is good, but don't be too hard on yourself! XO Leila

good comparison! thank you!

Terisita, getting one is not a bad idea.. LOL, I wonder where you can buy them... I've seen this biological model of fat before in other places, so it must be possible. Some place that sells medical/biology props for Dr.'s or for colleges/schools or something maybe.

Thank you Telly! By the way, I always find your amazing progress and commitment to fitness very exciting to read about, and very inspiring. I get a lot of enjoyment out of your vibrancy and also out of reading the comments of those that you've inspired, your positive outlook is practically contagious. I come to these forums, and I read things that make me laugh, make me cry, make me smile, sometimes frustrate me, but consistently the energy around your posts is uplifting and bright. XO Leila

There are some Dr.'s in BC doing the surgery, one in Surrey, and another in Victoria that I know of, sorry, don't have names handy. Even though I'm from Vancouver, I decided to travel to Ontario to have mine done, my health was deteriorating too rapidly, and the BC Dr.'s had too long a waiting list at the time I looked into them. Best of luck to you!

Nanette I to suffer from severe depression, and so understand what you are saying in regards to getting out and moving around. Much of my weight gain came with the worst years of my depression. I spent weeks, sometimes months hospitalized, and when at home I was either in bed, or on the couch. I would get advice from well meaning friends and family to encourage me to become more active, and the statistics on how much exercise helps depression. It's frustrating to try to explain to someone that you simply can't. That depression affects not just your mood, but affects the way you think, affects you physically, affects everything. Everything becomes 'depressed', the literal meaning of the word, everything becomes opressed, supressed... depressed. My ability to get up off the couch to take a shower was like running a marathon. Prior to my depression I was doing my masters degree in counselling psychology, while working full time, and training in and teaching kickboxing working towards my black belt. I have never been a lazy or unmotivated person. Depression steals away your motivation, severe depression takes away everything. It leaves you empty, with nothing but pain. Not just emotional pain, but physical aches and pains too are common in depression. It also affects your ability to think and reason. Pre-depression I did the crossword puzzle in the paper everyday, it would take me about 10 minutes to do the whole thing. During the worst part of my depression my husband brought me a crossword book to the hospital - I couldn't do the easy puzzles. I couldn't figure out the 3 letter word for a female pig was 'sow' I couldn't think, some days I couldn't remember my address or telephone number. Depression is a bio-chemical state, altered brain chemistry that affects the mind and the body. No amount of good intentions, desire, or can-do attitude will magically move you towards being able to do things. Now finally with a cocktail of medication that works for me, I am stable and functioning. I am still on disability with my depression and unable to work. But I'm actively trying to live instead of trying to die. Getting banded 3 weeks ago gave me a lot of hope, it gave me a much needed tool, in a whole arsenal of tools I will need to try and move towards a healthier and happier me. I've felt better in these last three weeks than I have in years. Every day is a new day, and some days I can't get out and exercise, and some days I can, just a little, it's going to take time, years of almost total bed rest has ruined my cardio and my strength. I no longer get winded taking a shower now though, and I can hang on to the stairs in the pool and kick my legs for a solid 30 minutes! Just keep doing as much as you can do, and be gentle on yourself for it. You are the only one who understands how incredibly strong you are to be living with depression, be proud of each day, and each mini-accomplishment, and try not to beat yourself up over what you are unable to do. XO Leila

Randi, I really relate to what you feel. I've had no problem at all with anything going down, I could drink my full protien shake in the morning right after surgery without any issues. I didn't bother with little sips, because I could feel (anything really cold fluid wise I can feel going all the way down) that it was just sliding right the way down into my lower stomach. I'm on soft foods now, and eggs, poached salmon, yams, well chewed soft veggies, etc, everything I've tried all along this journey has gone through no problem at all. I know I have the large VG band, which is 10cc's and that it has no fill in it, so without swelling from the surgery I shouldn't have restriction. I'm not really a 'sweller' with injuries and such, and so it seems predictable that I should be wide open. I also haven't been hungry at all, not sure why, but super happy about that. I've been tracking my intake, and I average 1200 calories a day, some days as little as 600 cals, other days around 1300. Most days right around 1200. I don't really get full, but I don't feel physically empty or hungry, well occasionally hungry but only when I haven't eaten for quite some time. I can feel my 'head hunger' slowly starting to creep up on me in the evenings, which has always been my danger time for over eating. I still debate with myself daily on whether I should try to go get a fill at my 6 week anniversary... or if I'm still losing and still not really feeling hunger, still keeping in a good calorie range, if I should just postpone it until I really need it. I know myself, and know that without band restriction, if my head hunger takes over, I can pack on the weight pretty fast. I just don't want to end up with over-fill either and the nightmares of PB's, sliming, and pain. So far so good, so right now I am still just taking it one day/moment at a time. XO Leila