lisah25

I may have to try that! We are on the Do-not-call-list, and that has helped, but charities are of course exempt. We used to be fine, I didn't answer calls that were marked "Unknown" on the caller ID. Well, we've had 3 now that were marked "Private" which before was always my mom. They are getting sneaky.

You might be interested to know that sometimes very unhappy children will have fantasies that they were adopted and that they really do not belong to these folks who call themselves their families.

More then once, I've said that I'm glad that I don't have a genetic relationship to my family. Usually as a joke when they are being weird, but also seriously as there are some serious health issues there on both sides. Granted, I don't know what I did inheirate(sp?) but I know what I missed.

Have you read Augusten Burrough's books? In one, he talks about visiting the Vandervilt(I think) home, and deciding that he was their son, and lived there until his parents kidknapped him.

As did I and my sister. We were never told otherwise. As a sidenote, that is one thing about shows that make it out as a dirty secret and that some parents are ashamed to have adopted so they hide it from their children.

Yeah, why is it that so many sit-coms needed to have a "Was I adopted and how horrible that would be" story line at one point or another!?

I did forget to mention that this was not a major concern for me until DW and I started the adoption process for ourselves and went through classes through the agency. As I stated previously, adoptions are more and more being open adoptions. At first, I found this to be a very alien way of doing it to me. The more I learned, and the more I thought about it, I thought it was a great idea because it gives the child a chance to learn more about themselves.

My purely gut-level, emotional reaction to open adoptions is negative. Maybe because mine wasn't. I see too many chances for issues to come up, but then closed adoptions have their own issues. I would wonder about confusion about why my birth mother gave me up, but still wanted to be in touch. And I would worry as the adoptive parent that she might want too much influence in the kids life. But then, I also believe that there isn't such a thing as too many loving people in a kid's life. So, like so many other things, for me this comes down to the individuals involved.

Also, I did not mean to come across as being offended. Sometimes, it is hard to read it to peoples words only what their emotions are. I am guilty of this myself. Just so you know, I was not offended. I actually am happy to be having civil discussions about this topic.

Good - I agree, we miss so much in just having the words on a screen, ok and a smilie or too!:cursing:

Ok, I'm going to assume that you did not mean the "feel" as a personal attack upon the hurt/scars that other adoptees may feel. As such, I would assume that a fellow adoptee would be a little more P.C. when it comes to others in the same group.

I am VERY sorry, I honestly didn't mean any sort of attack at all. I don't remember now why I put that in quotes, but it wasn't meant in any way shape or form to be any sort of attack. I am honestly curious about how other adoptees feel, I am very aware there is a huge range of emotions. My brother, also adopted from different birth parents then mine, doesn't talk about it, doesn't like to discuss it.

Now, to answer your query, I would like to SEE who I take after. I would like to KNOW if I have birth siblings. I would like to KNOW all the circumstances about the decisions made. I would like more info about my heritage than a simple questionaire that was filled out 37 yrs ago. I'd like to KNOW where I came from and who I look like. My siblings (one adopted from a different family, one biological to adoptive parents) look nothing like me. My little brother, who is the biological child, knows who he looks like. He knows who he takes after. To me, that is an important aspect of life.

I find it so interesting that for some of us, this matters very much, for me it just doesn't. Shows what a great variety of people we all are. I have talked to people who found their birth families, and for some it wasn't a good experience. They didn't like the families they came from, so perhaps that's part of it for me. I don't want to risk being dissapointed, if that makes sense.

I am happy for you if you are truly that well adjusted. However, how can you seemingly make light of others in your position?

Again, I didn't mean to make light. But yes, I believe I am as well-adjusted as anyone I know. I feel like my family was pretty much normal, not perfect, not horrible. Much like the families of my friends who weren't adopted.

One thing that I think helped is that I always knew I was adopted. I don't remember any one time being told, it's just what I grew up knowing. There was no sense of shame or that it was some big secret. I even had a cousin tell me in a fight, "well, you're just adopted". My response "My parents picked me, yours had to take what they got". :smile:

Now, as an adoptee, adoption also leaves scars on the child. Especially, adults who were adopted in the age of "closed" adoptions where we have no rights whatsoever. However, at least we are alive. And, to me, my daughter, my wife and my extended family, that is a very good thing.

What kind of scars do you "feel"? I ask because I was adopted as an infant 44 years ago, and I honestly don't feel like I have any scars or anything. The only thing I'd like to know that I don't know is more about family medical history then I do. But otherwise, I don't think much about it, and have no desire to meet my birth parents. I'm gratefull they made the choice they did, but other then that I don't feel a connection to them at all. My DH had a son before we started dating that they gave up for adoption, I'm fully in support of him looking for DH someday as I realize some people want that connection.

Forgive me if you've covered this, I came back to this thread late and have skimmed some. What rights would you as an adoptee like to have? As I said, I'd like more complete medical history, and one site where both adoptee and birth parent can register so that if, and only if, both want to they can meet.

Thanks!

how funny was that when yau-man shoved fairplays head into that canoe, lol. :tongue2:.....so glad he's gone.

That was one of the best Survivor moments ever! And then JFP had to whine about how mean that was. Give me a break.

I'm glad he's gone. I wasn't looking foward to watching him at all and his silly games.

Ok, I have to confess I like Wal-mart, for clothes now when my size is changing(or I hope it changes). And for a few other things. But I do have admit some of my fellow shoppers are surprising, I don't see people like them in other stores in the area. It's entertaining at least...

Has anyone tried to do the post-op (or similar) diet before surgery to see i it worked for them that way?

When I discussed the possibility of the surgery with my husband, he was strongly opposed, because he's had a few morbidly obese relatives try and fail with gastric bypass.

I explained to him that my weight has been a life-long struggle, and now that I have diabetes, the stakes are very high.

He seems to think that the lap band simply makes me eat smaller portions... And argued why not just eat those smaller portions? I know that is ridiculous. It's a matter of willpower and discomfort from hunger, etc.

But what are the "scientific" reasons that will not work? Doesn't the smaller capacity of my stomach sort of trick my brain into thinking I AM full, so I don't get as hungry?

Sorry if this seems like a dumb question. I gues:redface:s I have a lot more research to do than I thought!

Well, yes I suppose some people can just eat smaller portions, but I realized that after 30 some years of battling to do just that, I realized I'm not one of them. :regular_smile:

There are very real physical things a band does for/to your body. It does make you feel fuller/satisfied on smaller portions, which for me is key. I needed that in order to eat less and stay on track. I find it dims my appetite and while I still struggle with making good choices, it's doable more often with the band then not.

Does that answer your question?

I heard a rumor/spoiler for tonight's ep. Highlight: Johnny Fairplay is the first person voted off. No idea if it's true or not, but I would be thrilled!

I can't do beer, and I do miss it. I've tried twice now(slow learner I guess) and both times a few sips caused me to feel really uncomfortable.

But, overall I'll trade beer for the jeans I'm wearing today fitting!

it feels like i am losing slowly now. the first month i lost 20lbs then i went 2 1/2 weeks without anything. i then had my first fill and lost 5 pounds that week and another 3 the next week. this week i have stayed the same and havent lost. i have cheated a few times but that shouldnt ruin me losing seeming how i am keeping my calories around 1000. it may be due to the fact that i am eating a cup instead of 1/2 a cup. it really seemed like my first fill was working and i think it still is but not as good as in the beginning. if i eat around 6oz of fish so to speak i am way to full but somtimes 3oz doesnt fill me up. if we are eating better and less than before surgery then why doesnt the weight fall off?

andrea

I was told to expect an average of 1-2 pounds a week. If I understand, you've been banded about 11 weeks? And you've lost 28 pounds? It sounds to me like you are doing better then my doctor would expect.

I know it's frustrating, but this does take some time.

On the eating part, look for things that are no-cal. For me, that is usually a cup of herbal tea. There are some great flavors out there, and it seems to satisfiy the "I'm bored and want flavor" urge.

Have you tried any hobbies? Not only to fill time, but to keep you hands busy?

My all-time favorite is the "herding cats" one, I think it was for EDS?

I work in IT, I have been the herder and the herdee at various times.

We just found Sushi Revolution in Tacoma, another new conveyor belt/pay-by-the-plate restaurant. We went last week, once before I was off mushies (I had lots of tofu in my miso soup) and once after I started solids. The second time I had 4 plates in front of me (I chose edamame, tamago, and the insides of four pieces of crab rolls). My 5-y.o. daughter had 7 plates (four of hers were cream puffs!) and my son, who is called "Sushi Boy!" at numerous local sushi joints, had twelve! Total cost was around $35 - gotta like that!

One of my concerns about lapband was whether I would be able to enjoy sushi ever again - I'm glad to say I can!

Yum, that sounds good! If I'm down that way, I'll have to stop in.

Blue C sounds cool, never seen a place like that.

They have 3 locations now in and around Seattle WA. I think the concept is in other areas also, different names. There is a name for the type of resturant, I'll look for it and post it, you could search on that for your area?

I had surgery on Dec. 21, so I am about a month out. I lost about 5-7 lbs after the operation but I have gained it back. I feel like I have no restriction right now, I can eat pretty much anything I want, the amount of food I can consume really is upsetting (although still not as bad as before the operation). I have started exercising and feel good about that but I feel like a big loser that there are no results so far. I am hoping this is pretty common and when I get a fill it will help. Any advise or silmilar stories I really need any inspiration I can get.

Corinne

I know this is a REALLY frustrating time, there's a reason the phrase "bandster hell" was coined for it.

This is VERY common. It was drummed into my head by my doctor and his staff that the first 6 weeks were all about healing and getting set up to use my band. That if I happened to loose any weight, that was great but not expected.

Think of it this way, you have a tool now, it's just not plugged in yet. Once it is(via one or more fills) you'll be on your way.

I agree with Wheetsin. Trolls can be kinda fun.

Me too. I like catching them up in their own "logic". Kind of like a good place to sharpen the claws.:wink2:

Oh Lisah25's back!!! :cool2:

I am - I missed you all and got over feeling guilty that I haven't lost like I wanted to and came back! :biggrin:

I don't say this lightly, but anyone who refers to lapbanders collectively as cheaters, or even as "taking the easy way out" is an idiot. Period. There isn't even any debating that one, because it's someone yapping out of their pie holes without having a clue what they're talking about, and if you aren't informed on something, you should probably keep your mouth shut about it.

Once after a fill that sent me over the edge, I spent 8 hours unable to pass my own saliva. I had to ask a girl at work I didn't know that well for a ride to my surgeon's office. En route, she could not go more than about 4 minutes without having to pull over so I could yak out the door. Thank goodness she was not a sympathy puker. I had been in severe pain the entire time, and had pretty much yakked myself to exhaustion. A surgeon without band experience had to do my unfill, which took between 10 - 15 minutes, left me significantly bruised and, for about 4 days after, feeling like someone had punted me in the got with a steel-toed boot. I would LOVE to find ANYONE willing to look me in the eye and tell me that was cheating, or "the easy way out." Just one person.

Is weightloss less valid because you achieve it with surgical or manual assistance? Do you have to sweat off every calorie at the gym, or eat only lettuce, for it to mean something? What's valid and what is not? At what point does the fact that you lost weight outweigh the means you took to get it? About 10 years ago there was a lady on TV who lost something like 200 lbs on a strict diet of popcorn and Bud Light. Is her loss more valid than ours? This whole idea is preposterous.

Bravo - you said what I was thinking (again!)

I believe we have the right to bash, beat or otherwise harm anyone who tells us we have "Taken the easy way out".

Those comments make me laugh at this point. I know how hard this is even banded. This isn't a moral issue where one method is superior to another, it's a medical issue.

I miss some of the older people, and I don't miss others. I do wish Lisa would show back up again. (And others, of course, but her name comes to mind). She was always a very rational voice.

Assuming you mean me - I'm back!

I was gone for a while due to a combination of family issues(mainly the health of my in-laws) and feeling embarassed because my weight loss wasn't going as well as I wanted. I'm getting back on track, and being here helps. I also missed the discussions not related to LB.

I'm glad you are back among the living!

Like others have said, you will get a skewed view from reading here in some ways, because people come here looking for advice.

The worst(and only real) complication I've had was an esophagus spasm that did send me to the ER, only because the symptoms felt like those I'd heard go with a heart attack. I was fine a few hours later, and it was a clear signal to me that my band was indeed too tight. I knew it was, but was liking the fast weight loss. I guess I needed a reminder that it wasn't a good thing!

We have a new Sushi place called the Blue C. It's one of those that has a conveyer belt that runs around the place with plates of different things you can take, then when you are done they total up the plates, prices vary based on the color of the plate. It's a bandsters dream IMHO. They have seared tuna, edamame, Nigiri with a small amount of rice in proportion to the fish, and other yummy things. The servings are small, two pieces of nigri, or 3 slices of tuna, and I love that I can have just a little, not have a bunch of leftovers to pay for and it's healthy and fun.

Hello everyone from NWWLS. I am updating my posts...it has been a while since I have been on here. (Holidays and all) I was reading and it looks like everybody is doing really well. I have been thinking about getting another fill but not really sure. Sometimes I feel like I am too tight and then other times I feel like I can eat a TON. Any similar experiences out there??

I've had 4 fills since surgery in May of last year. But my scale hasn't moved in over a month?? Thanks for any input.

Dawn

I would go in. You may or may not end up getting a fill, but talking to one of them can help you decide. I let it go for a month, then another, and finally realized I hadn't lost in 9 months, and regained about 15 pounds. Got a fill, and a reminder of the guidelines, and am down 10 of those now.

For about a year I've had heartburn that I've been treating with Zantac. Some of it is my overeating through the band, and sometimes I get it for no reason. The past couple of days I've been having upper stomach pain...it's almost worse when I'm laying down on either side of my stomach. It feel like cramping, tightening and overall PAIN below my rib cage. I'm also having some chest pains, and I feel like I'm extremely constipated. It feels like a big ball of pain in my upper stomach/chest and there's no where for it to go. I don't know what is going on so I'm planning on seeing my doctor. I haven't seen him in over a year because I've been feeling great. I'm not sure what is going on. Anyone else ever experienced this?

Thanks!

That sounds like what my husband went through, turns out he had stretched his esophagus(sp?) by overeating, and got a lot of those symptoms. They unfilled him for two weeks, then put back some of the fill.

Going to your doctor sounds like a good idea. Ours says that heartburn/reflux is something we need to talk to him about.