Tired_Old_Man

It was too much trouble to move around, so we sold it at a yard-sale for $20.

I agree with you. I do not want pity either. I hope that you understand that the expression "Have no Pity on us" is not a request or a desire for pity, but a request and desire for equal treatment. It is just an expression. I was lucky when working. I was always able to outshine 99% of my co-workers, so that while they might first feel superior to me because of my weight and age, they usually got left in the dust when it was time to perform. But I had a job that was not based on the need for human respect. No plane ever said to me, "you can't fix me because you are too fat or too old". In other jobs, people do not buy from or take advice from people based on age, weight, gender, racial or ethnic background. I was lucky, planes are neutral and do not discriminate.

I guess the feeling is that Blacks can't help being Black, Gays may not be able to help being Gay, but Fat people can just stop eating so much and exercise more. They have no pity on us because they see us as self-inflicting our problems. I have been able to help my wife overcome her stiff upper-lip veneer to some extent. She can pass herself off as US born. She still has some issues with people getting close to her face, but she is only really bad about dogs now. We have had at least one dog for each of the past 36 years (at times 3 at once), yet she acts like their fur and mouth contain poison which must not be handled. People are a little easier for her to deal with except when she is eating.

I find that so much can be accomplished by simple communication. I tried discussing the situation first with my wife and then with her siblings who I thought would be most receptive. The father-in-law never loosened up beyond playful humor. Dialog can be constructive as long as it does not start with "why don't you do it the right way?" or "why don't you do it my way"? "I noticed that our families don't share the same type of closeness when we greet each other. I just would like to explain how I was brought up..." seemed to work to some degree. I even tried a similar approach with a store keeper who's store that I frequented very often. I started by always saying hello, how are you? and goodbye. After about ten visits, when there was no one else within hearing distance, I asked if he felt offended if our hands would touch during an exchange of money and then went from there.

I was banded 4 years ago. I went from 327 to 232, but due to a problem with holding food down, I had to have my band emptied about 3 months ago. I have gained back 30 pounds. I should weigh about 170, but 185 would make me happy. I will be making an appointment to get a fill soon. When I was doing well, I ate a normal diet. The quantity of food was the only difference between my diet and my family's diet. Cutting back on % of fat is dangerous because the body needs a certain amount of fat to regulate itself. I think sugar is more dangerous than fat. If I went to dinner with my wife, we would order one meal between us. I would take about 1/4 of the salad, the entree and the side dishes. NO BREAD. Nothing to drink.

He is my doctor also. I assume you are talking about the Dr. Szomstein at Cleveland clinic. Getting back to the opening question of the thread: When I was banded in Brooklyn (Sept, 2002) I weighed 327. My doctor told me (through his staff) that the average weight loss for Lap-Band patients is 25% of the amount between starting weight and ideal weight. In my case at my height of 5'9", that would be 25% of 327-170 or 157/4 or about 40 pounds. The average for gastric bypass is 85%. So I could have expected to lose about 135 pounds. Weight after stabilizing with Lap-Band would be 285# Weight after stabilizing with gastric bypass would be 190# I do not know if the figures have been updated in the past 4 years since I had my surgery, but I would guess they have.

Deducting 3 pounds for every patient is as accurate as buying clothes that are labeled "ONE SIZE FITS ALL"!:faint:

:clap2: Turn Up Your Speakers:clap2:

The more you tell her how bad he is, the more she will defend him. Try to make the best of it. Try to accept him and he may eventually screw up so bad, that she will wake up to reality.

You are the exception. You value honesty more than tradition.

And then there are people like me. I remember once when I left a board and didn't leave a "Good-Bye all" thread. I came back a few weeks later to lurk and found out that they were still hung over from the celebration they had when they figured out that I was gone.

How long do Dogs Live? There are two answers: Not long enough. In your Heart forever. TOM I feel for You!!

I know how you feel, but in reverse. My wife's British family acted like they had shields around them. The only person that hugged me was my wife. Shaking hands with relatives seemed so formal. :puke:

I've got deep pockets. :faint:

If it is wrong to exclude someone for being fat, then how can it be right to exclude EVERYONE for not being fat? I have known people who would exclude people for the weirdest reasons. In men's cases: her 34c breasts were too big, her 38D breast were too small. In general: he/she wears glasses, he/she doesn't wear glasses, his/her butt is too big, his/her butt is too small, his/her hair is the wrong color, his/her race is the same as mine, his/her race is different than mine. In women: he is bald, his hair is too long, he has a beard, he doesn't have a beard. People claim that they are looking for a mate, but they act like they are shopping for a piece of furniture to match their decor. Even well into my marriage, I have gotten along with women. The women are friends of both me and my wife, but tend to ask me for advice regarding men. I tell them "look for a guy who treats you nice and you can talk to. Look for someone who even if he was married or both of you were married, you would still enjoy his (non-sexual) company". Most women bring home the same losers, time after time. We as people of weight know what it is to make bad choices because that food LOOKS so good or smells so good, though we know the consequences of eating it. Sometimes we eat it anyway and suffer for a few minutes with PB's or sometimes it tastes bad and disappoints us. Many of us keep making that same mistake over and over. Well, people who are dating sometimes make the same mistake over and over; they shop for a mate with their eyes to the exclusion of almost everything else.

My experience tells me that many people will chose E, but they will live A, B or C. People lie to themselves. They do not want to admit their prejudices even to themselves, let alone a survey. :puke:

I weight myself with underware on and when I go to the doctor, I tell them my weight. This "take 3 pounds off" is just bull. I allowed a nurse to weigh me one time then emptied my pockets, took of my belt and shoes and weighed myself again. 9 pounds less. If I had taken off my shirt it would have been more. I weigh myself at the same time and in the same state (no not Florida, silly) of dress (or undress). If you do it any other weigh (I mean way), you are comparing apples with oranges. I like oranges better, especially if they are naval. When I weigh myself naked and then agained dressed like I am about to leave the house, it is a 12 pound difference.

When I go to the doctor's office and a nurse greets me with, "Hello. How are you?", I usually respond with "Not well enough not to be here." I was in the hospital many years ago and a woman that I assumed was a nurse came over to me and (like a dozen women previously had) asked, "How are you?" and I said "fine, thank you". I received a bill in the mail for $150 for consultation by Dr. xxxxxx. Since then, whenever a medical person asks, "How are you?" I ask "Who are you?" and then I ask "Is that a medical question or a greeting?"

Come on, don't blame it on the only man here.:help: Sorry CARLENE. :phanvan I corrected it. Copy and paste doesn't seem to work for the "quote" feature.

I very often complain, but I also call to complement. I have asked phone reps to speak to their supervisor. Sometimes the supervisor will suggest an e-mail to the company to tell them about the extra help provided. I have asked the waiter for the manager in a restaurant and when he comes over and asks “What's the problem?” I say “I wanted to complement you on the wonderful service” or what ever I wanted to complement him about. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I do the same thing. I go out of my way for stores with better service. When I don't have enough time to go to the store with better service and the manager says, “Long time no see, where have you been?” I tell him why he hasn't seen me. While living in Brooklyn, I knew some Asians on a personal basis and I was told that it is considered disrespectful to touch another person without their permission. I know it annoys me too. But, I am married to a British women and I was hurt when I met her family because they seemed to dislike me, but then I found out that they were just products of their culture. When my wife met my family, she was shocked by all the hugs she received. She asked me if they were being phony or really did like her that much. “No! They are just being Italian(/American)s”.

When I lived in Brooklyn, my next door neighbor was a big muckety-muck for one of the biggest brokerage houses in NYC and worked in the WTC, so he took the train to work everyday. He wore $3000 suits and shoes that cost a week's wages (mine anyway) and was in his 50's. The subway exit was two blocks from our homes and right in front of a vegetable store. He sometimes would leave the subway and pick up a few items for his wife (a stock consultant at the same brokerage firm). Though he was dressed in sartorial splendor, he was still followed around the store and spied on from between shelves (to make sure he didn't put a tomato or pickle in his pocket?) because he is Black. Yes, being over-weight is a bitch, but hopefully our Lap-Bands will overcome that hurdle in our lives. My friend will have to wait for his fellow Americans to get over their hurdles so that he can enjoy his life. Oh, and he didn't have the option to complain, because it was the owner or his wife or son who followed him around and it happened in every mom-pop vegetable store in the area. No! He couldn't prove it. The store owners had every black male followed around whether it was someone dressed like my neighbor or a kid in a hooded sweatshirt. They all look the same.

YUCK!! :faint:

So true. Remember the teenie boppers fainting in their seats over the Beatles in the 60's, Frank Sinatra in the 40's, and the "Boy Bands" this past generation? Females are no less awed by looks than males. In fact we don't make public fools of ourselves (to quite the same degree) as girls. BTW, the #1 physical trait that attracts the opposite gender? A slim waistline-tight abs. And if you don't believe Carlene, just ask Anna Nicole Smith or "The Donald's Bimbo De Jour". "Why do you love Donald?" "He has such a wonderful sense of Humor!!"

Did you tape it? :straight

The divorce rate is so high because many make excuses for the short-comings of the prospective mate until they marry and living together proves more unbearable than they thought it would be. And many people I know who have been divorced repeatedly go back repeatedly to clones of their previous partners. :faint: