Tired_Old_Man

Three women; two younger and one a senior citizen were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager," she said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone; I have a microchip in my hand." The older woman felt very low tech, but not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom, and returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The older woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that. I'm getting a fax!!"

I was spitting up in a stall of a restaurant's Men's room and from behind the door I heard, "Next time don't drink so much, if you can't hold your liquor". That's why I usually go outside. Once while spitting up near a canal behind a restaurant here in Florida, I saw a 'gator about 15 feet away. I could imagine the headlines: Lap-Band Mortality Rate Rises And few would bother to actually read past the headlines to the story of the fat old gray haired man (sort of a Santa Claus clone) who was dragged to his death while spitting near a canal behind a restaurant in Florida. :faint:

One Milligram = 1,000 Micrograms

I can just picture the headlines: Terrorists Bring Down Planes with Lap-Bands Full of liquid Explosives Of Course the Lap-Band doesn't set off Metal Detectors. It is made of Silicone.

I did the same thing for a long time, though rather than spit in the cup, I had to leave restaurants to walk around the back to spit up saliva and eventually that little piece of food that I did not chew properly and was clogging me up. Sometimes the problem is caused by being too tight, but usually it is caused by either improper chewing or improper food selection. Slow Down!! Chew, Chew and Chew some more!!

Men enjoy almost anything. :rolleyes Women I know have told me their enjoyment ranges from total non-enjoyment on one end to the most intense orgasm they have ever had on the other.

My band was emptied because of gastric reflux and inability to hold down food or eventually even liquids. I posted about it a few months ago. I was hoping to put away a little more to our retirement nest-egg. My wife has medical problems and can't work, so I figured this contract would be my last chance. Doctor says "Never again" can I expect to do that kind of work. The jobs around here are all manual labor jobs paying very little. Thanks everyone for your support.

Very good. Thanx for sharing.

Wonderful news. Now take off the 10 pounds. :faint:

Internet Petitions I continually get petitions for ideas that someone thinks we need our US congressman to pass a law about. The E-mail petition usually comes with these (or similar instructions). Instructions: To add your name, click forward, add your name at the bottom of the list. Send it to all you know. OR...COPY AND PASTE INTO A NEW MAIL... ADD YOUR NAME. I am usually CC'ed in with around 30 to 40 people. Recently I received an E-mail petition which had 277 names on it already and was sent to 36 other people besides me. This was my "Reply All": #1. A petition of this type has no value because names are not considered signatures #2. The petition is fictitious. I received this E-mail with 277 names on it. Let's say I write my name on #278 and send it to 20 people. If 10 of those people add their name at 279 and forward it to 20 people, there will then be 10 different petitions going out to the 200 people because there will be 10 different #279's. If 100 of the people who receive those petitions add their name at #280 and forward it to 20 people, there will then be 100 different petitions going out to the 2000 people because there will be 10 different #279's and 10 different #280's for each #279. After 5 more signing and mailings, by the time #285 is signed, there will be 10,000,000 different partitions. Well that is bad enough, but the same thing would have happened if this was a legitimate partition. By the time #10 was signed and mailed, there would have been more different petitions than all the people in the world. If this partition was legit (assuming each person sent it to 10 people who signed it and mailed it on), there would be more petitions than there are atoms in all the people on the Earth.:faint: #3. Congressman ignore petitions except from constituents from their district in their state and they have no way of knowing what state or district each name is from. It is amazing how many "Yes, But..." replies I get back.

I don't condemn it, but I would not want to participate in it. If I was married for many years and my spouse suggested it, I might be induced, but with a lover of short duration, I would be too leery to try it. BTW: Ropes and duct-tape can cause unintentional injury.

There once as a couple who had been living in a marriage made in Hell for about 10 years. She feared him because he was a big physical specimen and he feared her because he hated being chastised by her. Neither knew of the other's fear, so they were each always on the offense to hide their fears. He yelled to show his manhood and she hid inside a shell to hurt him by making him feel lonely and abandoned. They finally got to the point where they considered divorce, even though they had children. When they discussed the issues that would have to be resolved so that they could get divorced and move on with their lives, each learned things about the other which had always been kept inside. He said, "How could you ever think that I would hit you? I love you so much." And she replied, "Why would you ever think that I would yell at you like you were a child? I love you too much." That started a discussion that led them away from discussing how to part and lead to discussing ways about how to stay together happily. They both agreed to be more open. They lived at least another 30 years as a happy couple, not perfect, not trouble-free, but together and happy. This is not a fairy tale. If you don't believe me, ask their grandchildren.

Discuss it Discuss it and Discuss it some more. Don't accuse. Ask. Listen. Listen when you think you need to explode. Then listen some more while you count to 10 or 100. Most women do not understand how afraid men are of their wives. That is often why they do things in secret. A man can be 6'5" 250 pounds of muscle, married to a 5'4" 125 pound women and he still fears her. Not for her physical prowess, but men hate to have women angry at them. Showing a lot of anger will drive him away and further underground. If you want to get him out of his habits of keeping things from you, you must decide to forgive him before you discuss the porno problem with him any further. Men are little boys with large bodies. They hated it when their mother yelled at them. They hate it when their wives yell at them. Do not go into this discussion with the idea that there must be another woman in the picture. Men like porno and are not ashamed that they like it. Many women like porno, but only some women can admit and do admit that they like it. If you like porno or do not mind looking at it with your husband, you may find that this problem may spice up your marriage and make it stronger in the long run. Good luck!!

He is not going to be in a good mood. My Steelers looked terrible. Maybe he should pay more attention to you. Cancel the maybe. The way you look, some of the male members of LBT might be making voodoo dolls of you, just to drop them and then hope for more pictures. :faint:

Presented without Comment

Do what is best for yourself. Unless your sister-in-law can get you into a trial for a new wonder-drug that promotes weight-loss, or she knows something is about to revolutionize weight loss, you need to get started now making sure you can have a healthy life in the future.

10 minutes? 4:58 from 6:17. That is almost one hour and twenty minutes. Give me a break and a :clap2:

I knew that wasn't you, I was just trying to take your mind off of eating. My girl-friend in college was a suicide hotline volunteer and she would say anything to get the caller's mind off of killing herself. By the way, here is proof positive that males are superior to females. 7 times as many females as males attempt suicide, yet 5 times as many males as females commit suicide. That means males are 3500% more efficient than females.

My wife likes dogs, as long as they don't touch her or lick her. :faint:

Are you over it now? :clap2:

Don't worry too much about what you eat, except make sure you get protein and stay away from sugar and high fructose corn. Be careful about bread. Unless it is toasted, it jams me up.

Did I ever tell you that you look a lot like that movie star from Peurto Rico, Jenefer somebody or other? :help:

I go through it all the time. Go for a walk. Do not bring any money if you will be within walking distance of anyplace that sells food. Call someone up. Do anything but watch TV.

Nice Calculator and I would imagine it works for stationary bikes as well as the real McCoys.