whiterabbit

I knew that to loose weight I would have to learn not to let other things rule my life. My advice to you is stop... just stop. No gum, sprays or gimics. Look at yourself in the mirror and decide what you want. Being healthy is not just loosing weight. I have been done with the smokes for 1 year as of yesterday. I was a smoker from 13 to 36 up to two packs a day. I have 3 kids and every time i found out i had a life inside of me i quit only to start up again. This time I had decided that if i was going to get healthy weight wise I had to work from the inside out. I tossed my smokes and never looked back. Sure it was hard and it SUCKED putting myself into situations I KNEW would make it hard. Going to the bar and having a few drinks with my friends, camping, Sci Fi conventions and for an entire year I refused to give in. A year later I feel like a million bucks and quitting smoking has lit the fire that is allowing me to let nothing stop me when it comes to my weight.

Okay I have to rant a little bit here. I am so sick and tired of people assuming that because I am fat that I have a low self esteem. :tt1: It really rubs me the wrong way for others to simply assume what my body image is. I guess its more of a question that a rant. Why do YOU think that people believe that way? Do you believe that way and if so why?

Okay so I need advice. The closer and closer I get to being banded it seems that my hubby is more and more unhappy. He fell in love with me when i was a size 18 (size 32 now) and is a heck of a butt man. He sees pictures of me when i was 145 and build and cringes. He finds the 'skinny' me very unattractive. He understands that I need to get healthy and I try and reassure him that i am not going to look like a Barbie doll ever again (thanks to the birth of 3 kids) but I do not think it is sinking in. He jokes a lot and grabs my tummy and snuggles it saying "i am going to miss you" and we laugh. I am ecstatic to know my husband loves me the:wub: way I am but I have to get healthy. I guess what i need is advice on how to help my hubby through this. I think it is going to be harder on him that it is me poor baby. For the record... my husband has loved me through hell on earth, a lot of pain, my bipolar rage being directed at him coupled with postpartum depression and a host of other things. He is a very attractive, smart and funny man that could have his pick of any woman he wanted. He is a wonderful father and great support and provider, please keep that in mind when you reply.

I am curious what others have been doing to reward themselves for goals met. I have not as of yet been banded however I have made some serious changes to my diet in the past 6 months. I have dropped whites from my diet (white bread, rice pasts). I have started to drink non fat milk and started eating my meals from a smaller plate. A few months ago the local department store started putting out their winter ball gowns. I found myself wandering the isles and window shopping. I decided a month ago to start to get my reward ready for when I reached my finial goal. Every time I get a craving for something I take the amount of money it would cost and put it in a savings account my hubby opened. We have no debit card for it or checks and we do not touch it. Every week I take the money out of the “junk jar” and deposit it in the bank. I am saving for a trip to New York to go and see Phantom with my hubby in the prettiest evening gown I can find. I am thinking two years to complete my goal and saving here and there during that time I will have a wonderful reward for my effort… besides being healthy. Every time I get depressed or feel like I am going to slide I take out the little scrap book I made of the hotel suite I want, the place we want to go for dinner and a host of lovely dresses and shoes and it actually helps. My little present along with the encouragement of my kids and husband have helped me really get ready for what is to come. My daughter is 202 and 5 foot 9 and wants too loose and tone so she can play sports her Senior year. She has agreed to be my work out buddy and it has been great as a motivator as well. We go and ride the sit down bikes for 30 minuets then meet my husband and two younger boys in the pool (at the YMCA) and swim for 45. 20 minuets of laps, 10 of treading water and the rest of “no foot down” play in the deep end.

Jabba- I am right there with you! I got sick and tired of my life revolving around drugs. I decided to make myself better and not rely on drugs to dictate my quality of life. It is a struggle but it is well worth it. My doctor had me on so much crap I can not remember a year and a half of my life. I "went under" 190 pounds and came out nearly 300. I dumped all that crap in the can and have not looked back since. I am a firm believer that medication causes more issues than it solves.

Jachut- I might be lacking in a lot of arenas but confidence is not one of them. I am a alpha to the core without a submissive bone in my body. My hubby is the "poor white boy" that grew up in a poor area in the south. he grew up with the girls around him being shapely " bootylicious" girls. Big butts, big thighs and big boobs are his "thing". I have several over weight friends who suffer from a host of issues most of them being a very deep sense of self loathing and confidence issues. While they might be the size my husband love they are far and away from the type of personality he is used and is attracted too. ------------------- As far as the hubby being worried about me being too attractive or attractive to other men *lol* that is not even close to the issue. He loves (even now) to go out with me. We dance and he loves to buy me sexy clothing. he is very proud of the confidence his wife has. Maybe its just the Seattle area but even at my size I turn male heads... I equate that more to the confidence i carry myself with more than anything. I talked to my husband about this last night as a matter of fact and he blew me off at first and just shrugged. After we were laying in bed talking about our day i cornered him with it. He is a) afraid of me getting the surgery because of my health issues. when our last baby was born I’m BP went through the roof, they brought in specialist and it looked more like a ER scene than a birthing room. :eek: he is seriously not attracted to the images he sees of me when i was thin and younger. I talked to my general doc today and she said to bring my husband in with me to my next appointment so he can ask questions. Weight loss or no my butt and chest is not going too far. I ended the talk with a "well we can always take my tummy fat and put in my butt." we had a good laugh and I think he feels a lot better about it. I have come to terms with the fact that ia m never going to me the tiny girl i was at 20 (I don't want to be her actually) but I will be a shapely thinner and healthier woman... the same one he fell in love with and has been married to for 12 years. Thank you everyone for the feed back :tt1:

HiMow- You are not alone. I went without cable and a few other things around my house for over a year because i was scared to death of being alone in my home with the cable/repair guy. i was a new single mother with no friends or family in the town i was in so i had no one to call to come over and hang out with me while they were there. i am lucky however and fell in love with a super great and understanding guy who has helped me heal a lot. i still am wary and stand offish with strange men but i am working on it. i had Celexa as well.... i learned to hate pilles because of things like Celexa and depo.

I know your pain I am scared to death to go under the knife. I have had nightmares about it more than once but I have to push them away. You have come this far, don't let fear stop you now. I lost a close friend to a "simple cosmetic procedure" so I can kind of understand. My want and need to get healthy is going to trump the fear I know I am going to go through right before the surgery. After it is all said and done you will be glad you powered through your fears to do what is best for your health and happiness. I wish you all the best!

I will be lucky if my hubby regain consciousness anytime this week. The knuckle head stayed up all night playing WoW. Anyway back to the subject at hand... I am really going to miss my PacMed doctor. I wish i could keep her since she is the first doc in over 10 years that actually listened to me. I got sick and tired of so many docs telling me "is because you are over weight. Fix the fat and you will be fine." Hello! Earth to doc... did you some how miss the stack of medical records on your desk that i have been keeping since I was 135 pounds and in good health?! My back issues are not from being overweight (yes being fat does not help but...) it comes from wrapping my silly young and seemingly indestructible butt around a tree while snowboarding when I was 16. The pain in me right knee... a tree branch going through it the next winter while stupidly participating in the same sport! I did a lot of damage to my body as a young woman and it has impacted my life from skinny to overweight. Doc Ed is wonderful, she went over all my records with me and set up a work out that I could do and not damage my joints until I lost the weight. I don’t want to give her up but my current insurance won’t even look over my case no matter how many times we have submitted it L.

Oh I want this more than words can even begin to explain. I have been doing my research for over two years. I have tried other ways and due to my health have failed. I know my reg doctor will back me 100%. She has been amazing through all of my struggle, tough when she needs to keep me on my toes and understanding when I need support. Thank you (again) for your reply. You really put my mind at ease about the eval. I am sure it will be a piece of cake. In my years of struggling and trying to heal I have come face to face with my demons and cast them aside. I was just wary of a shrink. I have had so many "lets just throw medication at it and it will be all better" doctors and 'mental' professionals and I am tired of it. I know what I want, I know what will make me better and I am not going to let ANYTHING (even my weaker side) get in the way! Hubby has orientation tomorrow.... I am SOOO excited (and proud)!!!! :blushing::w00t::thumbup::w00t::thumbup::w00t:

Thank you for the informative response keithf. I am SO excited about getting banded I can think of little else. I know it is going to be tough work but I am sick and tired of being in massive pain all the time. I know about the pros and cons and even the horror stories but nothing can be worse than the handful of pain pills i have to take every night. The only worry I have at this point is the psych eval. I stopped taking my bipolar meds and decided on a more holistic way of controlling my disorder. I do not want to be forced back on meds because some shrink thinks it is the only way to deal with mental illness.

My husband just got hired on @ Microsoft. he has not received his orientation date yet but I am chomping at the bit to get banded through his insurance. Can anyone give me details on the requirements? I am at a 42 BMI with High BP and Sleep Apnea. Can someone give me the rundown on the hoops I am going to have to jump through? Does Microsoft benefits pay for reconstructive surgery of excess skin after weight loss?

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I am fat for a few reasons. The women on both sides of my family "spread out" after having a child. We all start out very small (i was a size 6 before I had my first child). After i had my baby girl i went from a 6 to a 10. I lost almost ago if it just by keeping up my active lifestyle. 3 years later i had another child and went to a size 13. Loosing it was harder but i just amped up my activity (not hard to do with two young children and being in college). my real trouble came with my last son. I got hammered with diabetes, ended up on bed rest and in my 6th month was in a car accident that broke both legs. I got very large and after my last baby there were complications. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and given lithium at very high doses along with a slew of other medications (doc cycled them in and out and none seemed to work). The lithium destroyed my thyroid and left me in a near zombie like state for over a year. in a moment of clarity i flushed all those evil meds down the toilet. I got better but by now i was nearly 300 pounds. The depo shot is the devil BTW it adds weight by the pounds. So now I find myself trying to be active but in massive pain all of the time. Through meditation and talking things out when I feel myself getting angry my bipolar disorder is under tight control. My body however I feel is a lost cause sometimes. I work out 3 days a week for an hour, 30 in the water and 30 on a stationary sit down bike (better for my back and knees than the uprights). I can not loose a pound but I never gain. I am going to try lap band as a last resort. My doctor is hopeful that this will some how kick my thyroid and metabolism back into start.

I did it! I got off my butt and started working out. I joined my local Y and started with swimming laps and water aerobics to get my heart and joints used to working out. I added ridding (sit down bikes) for 20 minuets a day before my swim. I have been walking during lunch for 20 minuets as well. I am up to 5 days a week of working out and decided to get on a scale.... how in the heck have i GAINED 10 pounds?!?!?!!? I have cut out fatty foods, kept a log of everything I have put into my mouth, cut portions, went from whites to browns ect ect! Why on earth am I gaining weight?!?!?! I have been 337 for 5 years with only a 5 pound up or down flex that only lasted a day or two so where in the heck is this 10 pounds coming from?! I was really hopeful that I would get used to my new way of living and working out and not need to be banded but this just put a hug speed bump in my motivation. I do whatever I want and don’t loose but don’t gain… I start doing what’s right for 2 months and I gain weight? I have heard the “oh its muscle" line and its not muscle. I am POed and frustrated! :scared2:

My advice is to try a Hypnosis Program. My best friend loved his smokes. He is 31 and had been smoking since age 15. After a few sessions he has not even picked up a pack, the smell of smoke makes him ill.

To band or not to band.... This is the question I am wrestling with. For years I have had an insurance company that flatly refused to do a band on me. New job, killer insurance and there is a 90% chance I will get approved right out of the gate. I have sleep Apnea (documented), High BP (documented), and borderline Diabetic. I was a skinny kid so skinny in fact my friends swore I had an eating disorder. I ate like a horse and then some but I was active and had an off the charts metabolism. I never weighed more than 135. I was 5 foot 8 with a 36 DD chest, very curvy with a tiny waist. No issues with weight until I had my first child. Between my 6th and 9th month I went from 145 to 210. It was like someone was injecting me with Water or fat or something. I was still active. I walked everywhere, took yoga, watched what I ate the whole 9 yards. After my baby I stated active (duh new baby) and got down to 165 on my own. I stayed at that weight until I had my second baby. Same thing, more pounds… this time I went to 165 to 230. I was not as active and the extra weight had started to take its toll on my knees and back. Gaining so much weight so fast put my “body and skeletal system into shock” according to my doctor. I started PT, worked out as best I could and watched what I ate. By the time baby # 3 came along I was 190 and again active (but in a lot of pain). Third time was the charm it would seem. The bottom fell out from under me. I went to 290 and had sever depression after the baby. After post partum went away issue were still lingering. My doc sent me to a shrink and low and behold I find out I am Bipolar the 24th power!!!! Like a fool I let them pump me with an insane amount of medication because the thought of being crazy scared the hell out of me. My outbursts were taking a toll on my marriage as well as my children. Meds worked… for about 6 months. Zoloft, Zyprexa, Celexa and our lovely thyroid killing friend lithium (lot and LOTs of lithium my friends 2k mils twice a day… oh yeah crazy!). To top it all off my birth control at the time was Depo. Needless to say waking up out of a haze 2 years later I find myself… still a little batty, 335 pounds and unable to loose a pound. This was 5 years ago. Here is my dilemma now that you know a little bit about my background… food is not my problem. I despise soda, don’t like sweets of any kind really, don’t eat many fried foods, watch my calorie intake (I try and keep it under 2k a day), swim and work out 3 times a week, drink about 6 to 9 ounces of water a day and I don’t eat after 8pm. I walk in the evenings with my husband and IT WONT GO AWAY! All the crazy meds were flushed a few years ago, I conquer my mental issues with meditation, self discipline and communication with my husband when I start to see the signs of anger and must admit I am doing swimmingly. My question is… if food is not my problem but im 5 foot 9 and 334… do I still need the lapband? I don’t want to stick something in me that dose not need to be there. I tried asking this same (long) question at an open seminar we had on the lap band and all I got was a bunch of :cursing:cheerleader:cursing: like answers “oh its great my life is so much better”. Yeah but…. Your problem was food. Is this right for me “ You will loose all the weight you want YEAH!” All I want is a straight answer….:thumbup: Anyone?