BariatricGirl

Regain glasses suck. The moment regain becomes a problem we put on those regain glasses and NOTHING looks good. A few years ago I distinctly remember reading a post from a woman that went something like this. I hate my hair. I don't like my face and don't know how to use makeup. I hate what I'm eating every day and I'm sick of it. Oh and I gained 5 pounds. One of my most often repeated quotes...."we are rarely upset for the reason we think". Of course I assume you can guess what she was really upset about. I wrote her and told her to get a cute haircut, go to a department store and get someone to show her how to do makeup (free) or check out thousands of makeup videos on You Tube. I also told her she could change what she eats every day. Of course none of that made her feel better because she didn't FEEL like doing any of that because she was wearing her regain glasses loud and proud. It seems that for most people everything looks pretty awful through those regain glasses. I want to help you take them off. You say "Yeah right…like I haven’t tried… and mostly..... I don't FEEL like it. I don't feel like doing anything." I have often pointed out that when you were at this weight on the way down you were ecstatic! Do you see how your perspective totally messes with your head? Why do we obsess about the lowest weight we ever reached instead of constantly realizing what our highest weight was and being grateful we aren't there? And if you choose to obsess about your lowest weight, doesn't it make sense to move towards doing something about it instead of continuing to walk down regain road? Unfortunately we have this big adjustment to make after weight loss surgery because the first year we are wearing the "honeymoon glasses" and EVERYTHING looks GREAT! Remember how wonderful everything was when you lost your first 30-40 pounds? Yet you were heavier than you are now. You could hardly mess up at all the first year. It was all good! One day you wake up and you can't find your honeymoon glasses. You start to take for granted the little things like being able to tie your shoes, paint your toe nails, fit in an airplane seat..... and the next thing you know it isn't enough anymore. Some of us hang in there for a while or even a long while and eventually something shifts and you start to think about how much you miss those honeymoon glasses.... you start looking for that feeling in other things like our old friend Mr. Food. He’s tappin' you on the shoulder every day..."Pssst....remember me? Remember how much fun we had? Oh come on... a little sum-um sum-um won't hurt you". All the while your old friend has some regain glasses stuck in his back pocket just waiting to slide them on your face. One of the most extreme cases of the perspective meter being out of whack was a woman I met who had lost 485 pounds. Not a typo! She lost 485 pounds but she had gained 40 back. She was all out of sorts and literally more miserable than when she weighed her heaviest. I asked her to imagine that 485 pounds sitting on the floor. Right next to it 40 lbs. I guess we could say it looks something like this. (For those with perfectly analytical brains please forgive me…I guesstimated it) I told her not to give that 40 pounds the time of day and dust it off. We give that regain so much power and of course we can pile plenty of shame on top of that for good measure. Shame is toxic, shame keeps us down. Shame keeps those damn regain glasses cemented to our face. Here's the thing....if you don't take off the glasses and begin to turn things around....chances are that you'll look up in another year with more regain. Get off the insanity train today. Of course you remember... “Insanity=doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome” Everyone is different but here are a few suggestions. You can’t build Rome in a day but you can always do the next best thing. (Thank you Post-Op and a Doc for “the next best thing”) Look at your before picture in the morning and FEEL what you felt like. Sit it that for a while. I do that every morning without fail. Remember the things you wanted so badly. BE GRATEFUL you aren't there. If I could put you back in that body for a week you would be SO grateful to be you right now. Quit thinking about the perceived mountain you have to move and pick up the shovel and start with one scoop at a time. Instead of Nike's "just do it", change it to "just start". (Thank you Chuck for that one) It’s too overwhelming to plan into the next century. I can hear the questions now….how long will this take? It DOES NOT matter. Just move toward your goal instead of away from it..... just for today. Today is all that counts. Get the crap food out of your house. I know many people who find creative ways to do this with a family that feels they have to have the crap food. Put it in a place it can locked up but you'd do your family a favor by getting it out of their reach as well. Sugar and junk food is as addictive as any drug and they will guarantee that you will still be wearing those regain glasses. See my “M&M” story in this post. Find a way to move your body that you can enjoy. I LOVE to dance. I hate to run….I wanted to love it but I don’t. I wanted that runner's high and I just could not get it. I love yoga and if you think you can’t do it, watch this! I describe yoga as slow dancing with yourself. Abby Lentz from Heartfelt Yoga is a dear friend. Look her up, she has DVD’s. http://video.pbs.org/viralplayer/2365170173 You won’t do anything for very long if you perceive it as suffering. When you eat healthier food envision how you are nourishing your body. Remember it will make you feel better and look better instead of putting on more weight which equates to depression, physical pain, more misery and a shorter life span. Again the most important part of this is to stop the bleeding that has begun with regain. Nothing in life is easy so here comes your choices…...choose your hard.

You have been through so much more than most of us. Bless your heart. If you found some hope, I've done my job. I would like to suggest another blog post for you. It's here. http://www.bariatricgirl.com/2014/02/super-dieters-share-their-six-weight-loss-tips/ Sugar is the most addictive substance known to man. Here's one of my graphics from my Bariatric Girl Facebook page. If this doesn't turn you around please let me know. You CAN do this! Here's another post about someone who turned around a 70 lb gain. http://www.bariatricgirl.com/2010/12/beating-regain-gina-getting-to-goal-9-years-later/ I hope this helps. Thanks again for your kind words.

Thank you so much!

I can't tell you how much this made my day! Thank you so much for the kind words. I think you wrote some very wise words there!

OH MY GOD!! I'm so so sorry I missed your message. Bless your heart. You've been through so much. You are very smart to have figured out that you are snacking. It is not easy to keep the weight off but just like the graphic I posted...."choose your hard" right? It's not so much about the protein as it is about eating good, healthy food and at the same time....find a way to get your body moving. I'd love to offer my blog as an additional resource. It's at www.bariatricgirl.com. I'd also like to send you a document that's still in the rough stages but still great information. It's a compilation of many of the answers I've given to people who have regained and I think it would be a big help. You can email me at yvonne@bariatricgirl.com and I'll be happy to send it to you. Again I'm so sorry I missed your message.....

I'm sorry I missed this! I'm so glad you took off those glasses and have found happiness again!

Hello VSGAnn2014, I totally understand what you are saying and I hope you find that balance. I want to share a post I did on my blog about this subject. You can find it here: http://www.bariatricgirl.com/2014/02/super-dieters-share-their-six-weight-loss-tips/ I should explain my thinking a bit better and I also want to repeat that IF you can find that balance by eating in moderation, I'm ecstatic! Being able to control the monster is so impressive to me and I've known a few that could. I tried to do that for 30 years and always failed. My mindset comes from corresponding with thousands of post-ops over the years so I feel it is important to share the wealth of their experience. The blog post also explains that if what you are doing doesn't work out, I'm offering another choice. I'm wishing you the very very best on your journey.

Babbs you made my day!!!

Thanks Sara! I use it really often and I often wonder if people understand what I'm saying. I'm so pleased you were able to relate!

I have changed the way I eat as well. I eat very boring things because I can no longer have "sex in a plate". (I hope that made sense) I have also recognized that because I cannot "eat just one" that it is easier to not eat any. I believe the reason it is hard for some people to eat like you do is because their addiction to food is severe and they haven't worked on the root issue. This is a great article about people who are abstainers (like me) and people who can eat moderately (they can eat just one). http://www.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2013/01/want-to-be-free-from-french-fries-or-why-abstaining-may-be-easier-than-you-think/

So well said....I had gastric bypass over 14 years ago when there was no such thing as aftercare and support of any kind was almost non existent. Since I had surgery I have been volunteering in the WLS community full time and I've been in the trenches every single day. I personally believe that food addiction is one of the prime reasons for regain but many bariatric professionals don't even believe it exists. I am passionate about bringing food addiction into the discussion and I'll share one of my blog posts. It was only because I admitted my addiction that I was able to work on it and I'll be working on it the rest of my life. There is no shame...it is a disease. Here's that post. http://www.bariatricgirl.com/2013/12/now-this-clarifies-food-addiction/

Would anyone happen to know of anyone who was approved by Anthem Blue Cross California that didn't have to wait 6 months on a medically supervised diet?

Thank you so much for the information. There's someone that is seriously in need of surgery right now and I'm just wondering if anyone knew of a way around the supervised diet.

I would like to add something to this thread. Almost anyone who is approved for WLS is given one choice because it's rare to have a revision covered. What am I saying? It's rare to have WLS covered these days for everyone who needs it period. It is very important to BELIEVE in your surgery because if you don't, it won't believe in you. If you don't nurture and respect your surgery, it won't nurture and respect you. When someone picks a surgery for whatever reason it may be (even if they are misinformed) it is a done deal. I have communicated with thousands of post-ops over the last ten years and every single kind of surgery has successes and some not so great outcomes. Please support your WLS brothers and sisters with their surgery type because we all need as much support as possible. No one should be treated as if they made a wrong choice regarding surgery type. Instead we need to help them with whatever choice they made because they all absolutely can work. Of course there is a small percentage of complications and various degrees of complications that are unavoidable....I'm speaking about the majority of situations out there. We are all in this together and I want to support everyone on their journey because we all need it.

In 2001 the only surgery available was gastric bypass. I am almost 14 years out now and have been able to maintain my goal weight. I actually believe that I could have been just as successful with any type because of where I was in my head. I made a promise that if I ever got the weight off (for the last time) I would do anything necessary to maintain. After 30 years of obesity and at the age of 47 in 2001 I was ready to finally live. I am 60 now and I'm healthier than I've ever been in my life.

Part of my new lease on life is having fun! We definitely need to remember to play. I can be really silly and this certainly proves it. I hope you enjoy! Happy Holidays to all!!

We definitely need to remember to play. I can be really silly and this certainly proves it. I hope you enjoy! Happy Holidays to all!!

Thank you for your kind words. It is such an honor to be featured here. Special thanks to Bariatric Pal and Alex!

Casting Call: Lap-Band Patient Success Stories / Photo Shoot WANTED: Photogenic men and women, in the Dallas/ Ft Worth area, aged 30-45 years old who have had success with the LAP-BAND® Surgery and are willing to be featured in various LAP-BAND® Patient Education and Marketing materials. *Candidates will need to have had a BMI of 30-40 (with one co-morbidity) prior to surgery. The photo shoot will be held in late September or early October and will take ~3 hours. If selected, you will receive a $250 Visa gift card in appreciation for your time. APPLICATION REQUIREMENTS: · Submit 2 photos o One BEFORE image that captures your life before the LAP-BAND®. Please note we will be using your “Before” image in our marketing materials. It’s important that no other people are in this image for legal reasons o One AFTER image that highlights your weight-loss success. Please note, this image will be used primarily to determine if you will be selected to be the face of the LAP-BAND® System. If you are selected, you will be required to participate in a professional photo shoot · Please provide brief and personal answers for the following questions. (Responses should be no more than 3-4 sentences in length, per question) 1. Please describe your weight loss journey (from struggle to triumph) 2. Please describe something that you are happy about finally fitting into after years of struggling with your weight. (i.e. favorite jeans, wedding ring, swimsuit, other?) · Please provide current clothing sizes and/or measurements (this information will only be used for wardrobe purposes if you are selected for the photo shoot) Please submit your application or ask any questions to PhotoShoot@apolloendo.com

Great article....such a shame that some of the states that need it most (like Texas) are excluded. I am hopeful however because it IS getting better. Literally thanks to not being held hostage over preexisting conditions, my husband and I are able to get real insurance for the first time in 12 years because my gastric bypass made me a leper in the eyes of the insurance company. (we are self employed) Because I could get a well woman's exam they found something that would have killed me if left unchecked. I was also able to get a colonoscopy which was about ten years overdue especially since my mom lost her life to colon cancer. I think we are getting closer and like Susan said....contacting your representative really does help in most states. I'm a glass half full girl and I'm grateful for the progress made so far and looking forward to making more. Thanks Alex for a very informative article. I so hope that one day in the near future they will finally acknowledge food addiction so that thousands can possibly get the help they need.

Ever since this story aired on the evening news I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind. For years the National Weight Control Registry has been keeping records and documentation of those who have lost weight and kept it off for years. The term “Super Dieters” tends to turn me off a bit because we all know diets don’t work and no one should be called “Super” as if figuring out how to manage your weight somehow gives you magic powers. I’ve been a member for several years. The questions are extensive… they ask everything you eat, your activity, how much you weigh, did you gain, did you lose, etc. Ok…. so they gave us six tips these people seem to have in common and I’m thinking most people won’t get past the first one. Just like knowing the sky is blue, this first tip will be just like being told it isn’t….but what if this nugget is really spot-on? Truth is it won’t apply to everyone but I’m going to attempt to explain why it might apply to way more than you think. Let’s get the next part over with (the posting of the list) so we can go ahead and get done with the screaming after reading the first rule. Rule No. 1. Don’t ever cheat. They never give themselves a break, not even on holidays or weekends. Rule No. 2. Eat breakfast. The National Weight Control Registry shows that’s one of the most common traits of those who succeed in keeping those pounds off once and for all. Rule No. 3. Get on a scale every day. Rule No. 4. Put in the equivalent of a four-mile walk seven days a week. Rule No. 5. Watch less than half as much TV as the overall population. Rule No. 6. Eat 50 to 300 calories less than most people. So rule 4,5, and 6 deal with the “stuff” we’ve heard forever….calories in/calories out. For years I never ate breakfast because every day for over three decades I woke up with the idea that I would go as long as possible without eating. Too bad no one was around to tell me in the 4th grade that I was destroying my metabolism. So check…Rule 2 is a given. Since finding out there are about approximately 2,000 steps in a mile, most days…Rule 4, check! Rule 5 done. Sometimes I watch TV while I’m walking so I’m not sure exactly how that fits in. Rule 3 is an absolute for me. “Hello scale” every morning…it just gives me feedback and it has no special monster powers. I’ll do a “part two” in order to cover this in another post because this one is for everyone still laying on the floor from a cold faint after reading Rule 1. My surgery was nearly 13 years ago and I’ve learned many, many things. Some beliefs that were absolutes changed and Rule 1 was one of them. I’ve told this before and I’m telling it again. Early on I would allow myself my one guilty pleasure ONLY IF I was able to get 5 pounds below goal. (It was a Quarter Pounder with cheese – insert my self induced shame). I was somehow able to stick to that but what I noticed was on the days I couldn’t have it, I wanted it! Eventually it became harder and nearly impossible to get 5 pounds below goal and after some period of time I also realized that I was beginning to forget how my “crack” meal tasted. Then I totally forgot and I didn’t even crave it anymore. Because I stopped eating it I had successfully rewired my brain to lose the cravings. I was also acutely aware the cravings would come right back if I ate another one…even one bite. Um….duh. That’s sort of like quitting cigarettes and having one just for fun after 3 years. I’ll say this again too. For me, the idea of taking a bite of something to get past the craving equates to giving an alcoholic a sip of beer to stop the craving. SOME of us can take these bites but so many cannot. If I had a quarter for every post-op that told me the M&M story, I could take a trip to Mexico. The M&M story you might ask? Maybe it’s because they are tiny…but the story always starts the same. “I was doing great for 2 years, 4 years, (sometimes even longer) and I ate one M&M. Really what could that hurt? Next it was two then three…then a small bag, a bigger bag.” Some call it testing the waters. They went such a long time without one single M&M and nobody died, they certainly didn’t miss out on anything of nutritional value and they were doing great until they decided they could try just one. In other words they never cheated during that time and most were at the weight they wanted to be or at least smaller than after they started the M&M’s. You CAN be abstinent from sugar and junk food and it is far easier if you have none instead of a little for those that struggle with not being able to stop. Again let me repeat….IF you can “eat just one”, go for it. I’m beyond thrilled for you!!! If you find you are not losing or you are in the process of regain, you could always try stopping any food you don’t wish to crave. Try it for a month but approach it one day at a time. When I’m somewhere and there’s a bowl of M&M’s, I look at it as if it’s a bowl of cyanide. Sugar put me in the prison of an obese body and at the end I would have rather died than spend another day at my heaviest weight. And really….if you were a drug addict would you allow yourself a cheat snort once a week? This is a great quote that applies. 100% is easy, 99% is a b***h. Not eating processed sugar and junk food 100% is so easy but 99% leaves a ton of wiggle room. It has became totally effortless for me to avoid these foods but please don’t misunderstand…..my journey is still something I work on every….single…day. If you still think this is utterly ridiculous, file it away for later. My favorite quote: There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance — that principle is contempt prior to investigation. It means don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. And just in case you might have missed this before… I’ll leave you with an oldie but goodie.. .

A few years ago I distinctly remember reading a post from a woman that went something like this. I hate my hair. I don't like my face and don't know how to use makeup. I hate what I'm eating every day and I'm sick of it. Oh and I gained 5 pounds. One of my most often repeated quotes...."we are rarely upset for the reason we think". Of course I assume you can guess what she was really upset about. I wrote her and told her to get a cute haircut, go to a department store and get someone to show her how to do makeup (free) or check out thousands of makeup videos on You Tube. I also told her she could change what she eats every day. Of course none of that made her feel better because she didn't FEEL like doing any of that because she was wearing her regain glasses loud and proud. It seems that for most people everything looks pretty awful through those regain glasses. I want to help you take them off. You say "Yeah right…like I haven’t tried… and mostly..... I don't FEEL like it. I don't feel like doing anything." I have often pointed out that when you were at this weight on the way down you were ecstatic! Do you see how your perspective totally messes with your head? Why do we obsess about the lowest weight we ever reached instead of constantly realizing what our highest weight was and being grateful we aren't there? And if you choose to obsess about your lowest weight, doesn't it make sense to move towards doing something about it instead of continuing to walk down regain road? Unfortunately we have this big adjustment to make after weight loss surgery because the first year we are wearing the "honeymoon glasses" and EVERYTHING looks GREAT! Remember how wonderful everything was when you lost your first 30-40 pounds? Yet you were heavier than you are now. You could hardly mess up at all the first year. It was all good! One day you wake up and you can't find your honeymoon glasses. You start to take for granted the little things like being able to tie your shoes, paint your toe nails, fit in an airplane seat..... and the next thing you know it isn't enough anymore. Some of us hang in there for a while or even a long while and eventually something shifts and you start to think about how much you miss those honeymoon glasses.... you start looking for that feeling in other things like our old friend Mr. Food. He’s tappin' you on the shoulder every day..."Pssst....remember me? Remember how much fun we had? Oh come on... a little sum-um sum-um won't hurt you". All the while your old friend has some regain glasses stuck in his back pocket just waiting to slide them on your face. One of the most extreme cases of the perspective meter being out of whack was a woman I met who had lost 485 pounds. Not a typo! She lost 485 pounds but she had gained 40 back. She was all out of sorts and literally more miserable than when she weighed her heaviest. I asked her to imagine that 485 pounds sitting on the floor. Right next to it 40 lbs. I guess we could say it looks something like this. (For those with perfectly analytical brains please forgive me…I guesstimated it) I told her not to give that 40 pounds the time of day and dust it off. We give that regain so much power and of course we can pile plenty of shame on top of that for good measure. Shame is toxic, shame keeps us down. Shame keeps those damn regain glasses cemented to our face. Here's the thing....if you don't take off the glasses and begin to turn things around....chances are that you'll look up in another year with more regain. Get off the insanity train today. Of course you remember... “Insanity=doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome” Everyone is different but here are a few suggestions. You can’t build Rome in a day but you can always do the next best thing. (Thank you Post-Op and a Doc for “the next best thing”) Look at your before picture in the morning and FEEL what you felt like. Sit it that for a while. I do that every morning without fail. Remember the things you wanted so badly. BE GRATEFUL you aren't there. If I could put you back in that body for a week you would be SO grateful to be you right now. Quit thinking about the perceived mountain you have to move and pick up the shovel and start with one scoop at a time. Instead of Nike's "just do it", change it to "just start". (Thank you Chuck for that one) It’s too overwhelming to plan into the next century. I can hear the questions now….how long will this take? It DOES NOT matter. Just move toward your goal instead of away from it..... just for today. Today is all that counts. Get the crap food out of your house. I know many people who find creative ways to do this with a family that feels they have to have the crap food. Put it in a place it can locked up but you'd do your family a favor by getting it out of their reach as well. Sugar and junk food is as addictive as any drug and they will guarantee that you will still be wearing those regain glasses. See my “M&M” story in this post. Find a way to move your body that you can enjoy. I LOVE to dance. I hate to run….I wanted to love it but I don’t. I wanted that runner's high and I just could not get it. I love yoga and if you think you can’t do it, watch this! I describe yoga as slow dancing with yourself. Abby Lentz from Heartfelt Yoga is a dear friend. Look her up, she has DVD’s. http://video.pbs.org/viralplayer/2365170173 You won’t do anything for very long if you perceive it as suffering. When you eat healthier food envision how you are nourishing your body. Remember it will make you feel better and look better instead of putting on more weight which equates to depression, physical pain, more misery and a shorter life span. Again the most important part of this is to stop the bleeding that has begun with regain. Nothing in life is easy so here comes your choices…...choose your hard.

Dependence on food will be habitual, while addiction to food will be somewhat unpredictable (e.g., a morning cup of coffee versus the sudden, inexplicable drive to eat four servings of cheesecake) Dependence on food will have few, if any, emotional causes, but addiction to food is provoked by emotions and circumstances that cause feelings of powerlessness (e.g., a treat to get through a trying day at work versus a binge to avoid focusing on painful thoughts Dependence on food will have few, if any, emotional effects, whereas addiction to food will cause great anxiety if not properly attended to (e.g., being cranky due to caffeine deprivation versus feeling panicked because a planned binge is interrupted) Dependence on food will cause minimal interference in other areas of a person’s life, but addiction to food will disturb every aspect (e.g., a love for red wine with dinner versus preferring to eat alone for the sake of overeating) Dependence on food can be controlled at will, but food addiction appears as an unstoppable force in the person’s life (e.g., giving up pizza after noticing slight weight gain versus trying to stick to a healthy eating plan but derailing constantly; having a divided mind that seems to want opposite things) Dependence on food is pleasurable, but food addiction is a torment (e.g., traditional Christmas cookies versus the horror one has that one has eaten the whole box of cookies, coupled with the knowledge that one isn’t done yet) Dependence on food is casual, whereas food addiction appears to the addicted person to be closely tied to his or her identity (e.g., the guilty pleasure of Cheetos versus the shame and feelings of inadequacy that often accompany a binge) Perhaps one of the most important paragraphs is below: (helpful to read the entire article) What happened in this scenario demonstrates what, for many people, is the central issue of food addiction. Bingeing allows the food-addicted person to avoid dealing with threatening emotions (such as his or her perceived failure, powerlessness, or inferiority) by replacing them with guilt and shame, which are also threatening, but in a familiar, almost comfortable way. In the mind of the food-addicted person, the pivotal issue is lack of willpower. But in truth, they are using food to defend themselves against the pain in their life. By facilitating this transfer and avoidance of emotions, food has become a drug, and it is at this point that the food-addicted person needs to seek help. Bingeing has a different meaning for most people. When I was obese I thought it meant that you ate in the closet in the dark with a whole package of Oreos and a gallon of milk. Of course I didn't do that so I didn't think it applied to my behavior. (umm...denial) Finally I realized that my weekend routine of buying a huge Bucket 'O Chicken and locking myself in my apartment from Friday evening until going to work on Monday morning was certainly a form of bingeing. The same thing applied to my Quarter Pounder with Cheese obsession. I'm sure the Dallas quarterly earnings dropped significantly around the time I woke up to my dependence on this junk food. Most importantly please, please, please....do not walk the path of shame. From that same paragraph the very important part of the article... "In the mind of the food-addicted person, the pivotal issue is lack of willpower. But in truth, they are using food to defend themselves against the pain in their life." How sad it is that we are just trying to avoid the pain of life by using food. The problem is that it never works without paying a great price. Ask for help, educate yourself, and know that freedom from this disease is truly possible.

I've done a few talks about this as well as a blog post and it originally started out as just three things but evolved into this graphic I created. If what you say passes all 5 of these...you're pretty safe. Is it true means that you know it for a fact...not that someone told you. Of course making sure it's kind and figuring out if it's really necessary will keep everyone happy. So much is lost in translation through text so many people are misunderstood. No one likes being told "you aren't doing it right". I feel like I have enough to do keeping my side of the street clean so there's no need to tell someone what they should be doing. As others have said....we fight people all day who think we are wrong. There should always be a safe place to fall where unconditional support is offered. We are stronger together. Thank you Alex for running such a classy place.

A couple of weeks ago I was driving to an appointment and I saw a really large man walking down the street. Because of his size and the near 100 degree temperature, I knew he had to be extremely uncomfortable. As I pulled into my parking place I glanced in my rear view mirror and watched this man trip with a force that propelled him like a rocket to the concrete. I bolted from my car and ran to him...his arm was already bloody. "Let me help you up". He had salt and pepper hair and perhaps the kindest sky blue eyes I have ever seen. With a perfect Texas drawl he said "Little lady you're gonna have to pack a little more lead in the rear to help me up!" My heart was breaking for him. I grabbed him by his good arm and we rocked....1, 2, 3, and I pulled with everything I had. No matter how much I wanted to help this man, I couldn't get him off the ground. He explained he was walking to work and I at first got the impression he was trying to get some exercise. I asked him to stay put and I'd get some help and as I ran into the building, there were just a few tiny women and elderly people that could be of no help. By the time I got back out, a man had stopped to help him up. He was hurt....I told him there was a doctor inside, would he please come in? I know he was both surprised and ashamed that I would help him. He chuckled and said he was alright (he wasn't). As he walked out of my sight he said "It's time to go on that diet". Of course I knew he'd been on hundreds of diets, just like I had. It was the perfect time to have shared my story but yet it wasn't. I wish I had at least gotten his contact information so that maybe my signature on my email would perhaps spark a conversation. Maybe he didn't have a car and had to go into work anyway for fear of losing his job because of his size. Maybe he couldn't afford to call for an ambulance. So many "maybes". Every day since then I have considered waiting at that parking space to see if I could locate him again. He felt so much embarrassment and I wanted to tell him that I knew there was a perfectly loving man inside trying to get out. I wanted to tell him so many things but most of all that I didn't see him as just a morbidly obese man....that he was just as valid and worthy as anybody and the shell he lived in did not make him "less than". I fell a few weeks before that and was in extreme pain so I could only imagine what he was dealing with. Tears ran down my face for the rest of the day. Call me silly for wanting to do this but I'm going back to try to find him. I want him to know why I didn't judge him that day. And why I cried. p.s. I just added this because I do want everyone to know that I would NEVER give anyone unsolicited advice because I have seen it happen and someone got the response "I've already had WLS". Much like asking a woman if she's pregnant....not until I see the crowning of the baby's head would I ever ask when someone's baby is due. I just wanted to make sure everyone understood that. *Note- I wrote this in 2011 and reread it the other day. I decided to share it here because the comments left on this blog post were so memorable and heartfelt. If you'd like to read them you can see them here. I've been back to that same parking spot every month basically at the same time of the day ever since that day. I have unfortunately never found him again. If I ever do, I hope he'll let me take a picture with him so you can see his beautiful blue eyes and the kindest face you could ever imagine.