BariatricGirl

Congratulations!! You sound great for 4 days. Yep it's just a tool and it's the greatest tool I've ever been given. Thank you and I agree...this IS a wonderful place to be!

Lynda I just noticed I missed your comment! What a great point about a positive spin on abstinence because that's the way I look at it too! Thank you for sharing the link too. GREAT STUFF!! I appreciate your words more than you know but I don't feel like I deserve to be a anyone's hero....I spent so many years in the prison of obesity and those years are very fresh in my mind. When I had the surgery I made a promise, sort of a solemn vow that if I could just get back in the driver's seat just one more time that I would never, ever, ever go back. I am what you would call "scared straight" more or less. I don't participate in things that might put me back because I never know what might take me on that ride I can't get off of. So many people write me who are in trouble and that probably keeps me more motivated than I think. Because I've stopped some types of food completely I absolutely don't crave them and I have also learned to actually think before I do something that will only end up being super painful. I go through the thought process of realizing that I'll have only a few moments of extreme pleasure while I eat something (we have a sucky high because it only lasts while we are eating). After that I'll spend all kinds of time feeling bad, feeling shame, beating myself up. And guess what would make me feel better?? To eat again. I got off that ride a long time ago and don't want to get back in that vicious cycle. While I know I "shouldn't" feel shame or beat myself up because I'm not perfect....that doesn't stop me. I know myself. Shame is my biggest dragon left to slay. I can find something to feel ashamed about if I run out of what I consider to be justifiable reasons. Instead I think positive thoughts when I put fuel in my body and feel grateful that I'm not doing something to harm myself mentally and physically. Thank you again for commenting.

Wow...I think you're the first person to share with me that you indulged in the big ole bucket of chicken over the weekend. Yep I was missing in action from Friday after work until Monday morning. I so often think about who is living that way now and how I wish they could find their way out too! Thank you so much for sharing!

I finally found an article about food addiction written in a way that is easily understood by all. Below you will find the normal behavior versus the addictive behavior. Here's an excerpt from that section: Dependence on food will be habitual, while addiction to food will be somewhat unpredictable (e.g., a morning cup of coffee versus the sudden, inexplicable drive to eat four servings of cheesecake) Dependence on food will have few, if any, emotional causes, but addiction to food is provoked by emotions and circumstances that cause feelings of powerlessness (e.g., a treat to get through a trying day at work versus a binge to avoid focusing on painful thoughts Dependence on food will have few, if any, emotional effects, whereas addiction to food will cause great anxiety if not properly attended to (e.g., being cranky due to caffeine deprivation versus feeling panicked because a planned binge is interrupted) Dependence on food will cause minimal interference in other areas of a person’s life, but addiction to food will disturb every aspect (e.g., a love for red wine with dinner versus preferring to eat alone for the sake of overeating) Dependence on food can be controlled at will, but food addiction appears as an unstoppable force in the person’s life (e.g., giving up pizza after noticing slight weight gain versus trying to stick to a healthy eating plan but derailing constantly; having a divided mind that seems to want opposite things) Dependence on food is pleasurable, but food addiction is a torment (e.g., traditional Christmas cookies versus the horror one has that one has eaten the whole box of cookies, coupled with the knowledge that one isn’t done yet) Dependence on food is casual, whereas food addiction appears to the addicted person to be closely tied to his or her identity (e.g., the guilty pleasure of Cheetos versus the shame and feelings of inadequacy that often accompany a binge) Perhaps one of the most important paragraphs is below: (helpful to read the entire article) What happened in this scenario demonstrates what, for many people, is the central issue of food addiction. Bingeing allows the food-addicted person to avoid dealing with threatening emotions (such as his or her perceived failure, powerlessness, or inferiority) by replacing them with guilt and shame, which are also threatening, but in a familiar, almost comfortable way. In the mind of the food-addicted person, the pivotal issue is lack of willpower. But in truth, they are using food to defend themselves against the pain in their life. By facilitating this transfer and avoidance of emotions, food has become a drug, and it is at this point that the food-addicted person needs to seek help. Bingeing has a different meaning for most people. When I was obese I thought it meant that you ate in the closet in the dark with a whole package of Oreos and a gallon of milk. Of course I didn't do that so I didn't think it applied to my behavior. (umm...denial) Finally I realized that my weekend routine of buying a huge Bucket 'O Chicken and locking myself in my apartment from Friday evening until going to work on Monday morning was certainly a form of bingeing. The same thing applied to my Quarter Pounder with Cheese obsession. I'm sure the Dallas quarterly earnings dropped significantly around the time I woke up to my dependence on this junk food. Most importantly please, please, please....do not walk the path of shame. From that same paragraph the very important part of the article... "In the mind of the food-addicted person, the pivotal issue is lack of willpower. But in truth, they are using food to defend themselves against the pain in their life." How sad it is that we are just trying to avoid the pain of life by using food. The problem is that it never works without paying a great price. Ask for help, educate yourself, and know that freedom from this disease is truly possible.

That's incredible!! Appropriate boundaries of many kinds were always tough for me and you are absolutely right...if you fix your brain, you'll win this game. I LOVE that! Sounds like you've got a grip on what's ahead and that puts you in a really good place.

What an excellent comment!! I remember when a very intelligent bariatric surgeon told me that sugar was one of the most addictive substances in existence. I haven't had over 8 grams of processed sugar in anything since I had surgery. I think it's wonderful what you've done...you know it's all about progress, not perfection. I'm truly sorry you are having to fight Hashimoto's at the same time. I can't believe the progress you've made already! We came from similar backgrounds. My brother was probably the worst drug addict I've ever known and it took me a long time to see that addiction is addiction. The hardest part for me is that many of the bariatric professionals don't believe in food addiction. I'm going to post another article about cross addiction. I'm very passionate about the psychological aspect of WLS. I totally agree with you that one size doesn't fit all but what I generally ask people to do is to give some things a try if what they are doing isn't working. Perhaps the most important one you mentioned is about replacing negative thought processes. I have also written at length about shame and how incredibly toxic it is. Just today one of my favorite speakers (Dr. Brene Brown) said this on Super Soul Sunday (Oprah channel). "Shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, eating disorders, violence, bullying, and aggression. Guilt is inversely correlated with those. People who can change their self-talk and believe it, have far better outcomes." She also continued to say "Everyone just wants to be seen and heard. They want to know if they matter and does what they say mean anything to you." I fight stinkin' thinkin' on an hourly basis. That critical voice in my head screams at me all day and tells me I'm worthless. It has taken me a long time to understand that those voices don't necessarily tell the truth. I very much believe that we are what we believe so we've got to kick out the blame/shame/judgment/guilt and stop letting that stuff rent space in our heads. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your comment. You sound like you've so got it going on and you are pre-op! I had no one to learn from 13 years ago so that's why I try to start conversations about the important things. Thank you Chrystine. Hugs, Y

Yep...I wish that my surgery cured food addiction too but....I way rather work on it now than at my highest weight. There's an excellent comment that was made by another member. I'd encourage you to educate yourself as much as possible because you can retrain your brain in numerous ways to help you fight it effectively. I know I'll fight it forever but I get better at it the more I practice!

BIG TIME CONGRATS ON YOUR SURGERY!!! I think all junk food was like crack to me. Even 13 years out I will not keep anything I could abuse in my house because it is particularly harder for me at night. (not uncommon) There's a great acronym for when we are often triggered. It's H.A.L.T. which stands for H- (hungry) A- (anxious) L- (lonely) T- (tired). When you are feeling any of those you may be more likely to reach for something to cope with those unwanted feelings. It helps to keep busy and that's why I volunteer because it helps get me out of my scary head. I'm so excited for you! It will be here in no time!

Thank you so much for your comment! There's a great quote..."If you hang around a barbershop eventually you'll get a haircut". Of course that means that if you put yourself in places where you are surrounded by whatever your trigger items are, you will probably end up giving in. You are so WISE already. To know that you can't eat just one is probably one of the most important things you can know about yourself. I PROMISE it is easier to do something 100% instead of 99%. What many don't know is that places like McDonald's make food in such a way that their sole purpose is for you to come back. Many in the food industry hire scientists to make this addictive food so they can make money no matter what it does to society. Actually I'd like to share a link to a great article. I have a list of great articles on my Bariatric Girl Facebook page in the notes section. This was written by a man who was a big wig in the food industry. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/opinion/sunday/how-to-force-ethics-on-the-food-industry.html As you get further out you will most likely be more tempted to try some things....that old friend will tell you "you can have just one because look how long you've gone without!" Don't listen because it may send you on a tailspin and of course that's not coming from a friend. It's important to say this too. If you do it...it's important to dust yourself off, ask for help if you're in trouble and most of all do not feel shame! If you'd like one of those McDonald's signs just let me know what you want it to say and I'll do one for you. I'm pretty sure I can attach it to a reply so you can just save it as an image. I'm really loving this site....I'm amazed at how respectful and positive everyone has been. Never hesitate to ask me anything if there's anyway I can be of help. I spend hours answering messages and email from people who felt ashamed and didn't want to speak up when they got in trouble. I really would like to try to help someone avoid that if at all possible. Hugs, Y

I'm so glad you read it. If you can find time to journal your feelings it might come in handy later so you can be reminded of the things you are grateful for today. At some point the enjoyment you feel now will become every day life and that's where some of us start missing those honeymoon glasses too much. I will post another article soon where I talk about comparing it to getting a brand new hot sports car. (if that's something you'd like) The first month or so you are looking for places to drive. At some point that brand new car just becomes your car. Exterior things never make us happy for long. Some people keep going after those new things to get that thrill. Start each day thinking about what you are grateful for. I can't explain how important it is to live with an attitude of gratitude because things go so much smoother. Thanks again for the kind words...

Teachamy you are absolutely correct. Weighing every day is definitely not a good idea until you are into maintenance. Many do it because they want to know and can't believe their eyes. Since my surgery was so long ago I had that exact thing happen. I was about 2 months out and I didn't lose a single pound for 6 weeks! There was no one to talk to....I'd never even heard of a plateau. When I started losing again it seemed to fall off 5 pounds at a time. I really feel for those who ask "how much did you lose at 3 months?". Everyone is different and surgery types are different so you just have to have faith that if you are following your surgeon's program, you'll be just fine. Thank you for asking this question so I could be clear about the message in the article.

Sorry I'm new...I messed up the quote part. This is it below. So I've been studying this article and others via google, and I wonder - what is cheating? Is that eating anything (I mean anything) that is 'bad' for you? Is it a piece of cake, or 2 Cookies? Is this an absolute? Never/ever? For myself I think that I'll have to abstain from certain trigger foods, but I don't know that for sure as of yet. Hey NancyintheNorth, I looked to see where you were in your journey and it's early on so I would say this article would probably mean more to you down the road....but it's so much easier if you retrain your eating habits from the time of surgery. Once you get further out you will learn what foods are your triggers like what you eat when you aren't hungry but you are upset and want to numb out. Many people do not want to label food as good or bad and I totally understand that. They don't want you to feel even more shame than we already do because shame is SO TOXIC. What I'm trying to avoid is the shame you feel IF you have a great deal of regain. I'm going to post another article about regain that might help round out this subject matter. For instance the M&M story. Some post-ops have gone 2, 3, 4 years or longer without a single one. And like I pointed out....no one died, they were happy but when they opened Pandora's box they couldn't put the toothpaste back in the tube. Early on in my "recovery" I would have thought it was ridiculous not to have a taste here and there but FOR ME I found out how much easier it was to not have any. (Quarter Pounder story) I haven't had cake, pie, candy, or any sugary type deserts in 13 years and I don't miss them at all. I purposely eat to put fuel in my body. I cannot afford to have "sex in a plate" anymore. It's like putting gas in my car. There's nothing exciting about it. It's just fuel. The reason I do that is because I was not able to stop at one "anything". It's just like some people can have one glass of wine and even leave some in the glass but others cannot. If you start the change now you'll be so well prepared when the honeymoon phase is over because I've seen so many that get to the end and didn't change anything and ended up asking me "what on earth do I do now?" I could write for days about this but the regain article that I'll post today will go into those phases that I'm talking about. I so hope this made some sense. It's so great to go into this educated. Most of us only get one chance at this surgery and with a little education you can make every single type of surgery work.

Ok…. so they gave us six tips these people seem to have in common and I’m thinking most people won’t get past the first one. Just like knowing the sky is blue, this first tip will be just like being told it isn’t….but what if this nugget is really spot-on? Truth is it won’t apply to everyone but I’m going to attempt to explain why it might apply to way more than you think. Let’s get the next part over with (the posting of the list) so we can go ahead and get done with the screaming after reading the first rule. Rule No. 1. Don’t ever cheat. They never give themselves a break, not even on holidays or weekends. Rule No. 2. Eat breakfast. The National Weight Control Registry shows that’s one of the most common traits of those who succeed in keeping those pounds off once and for all. Rule No. 3. Get on a scale every day. Rule No. 4. Put in the equivalent of a four-mile walk seven days a week. Rule No. 5. Watch less than half as much TV as the overall population. Rule No. 6. Eat 50 to 300 calories less than most people. So rule 4,5, and 6 deal with the “stuff” we’ve heard forever….calories in/calories out. For years I never ate breakfast because every day for over three decades I woke up with the idea that I would go as long as possible without eating. Too bad no one was around to tell me in the 4th grade that I was destroying my metabolism. So check…Rule 2 is a given. Since finding out there are about approximately 2,000 steps in a mile, most days…Rule 4, check! Rule 5 done. Sometimes I watch TV while I’m walking so I’m not sure exactly how that fits in. Rule 3 is an absolute for me. “Hello scale” every morning…it just gives me feedback and it has no special monster powers. I’ll do a “part two” in order to cover this in another post because this one is for everyone still laying on the floor from a cold faint after reading Rule 1. My surgery was nearly 13 years ago and I’ve learned many, many things. Some beliefs that were absolutes changed and Rule 1 was one of them. I’ve told this before and I’m telling it again. Early on I would allow myself my one guilty pleasure ONLY IF I was able to get 5 pounds below goal. (It was a Quarter Pounder with cheese – insert my self induced shame). I was somehow able to stick to that but what I noticed was on the days I couldn’t have it, I wanted it! Eventually it became harder and nearly impossible to get 5 pounds below goal and after some period of time I also realized that I was beginning to forget how my “crack” meal tasted. Then I totally forgot and I didn’t even crave it anymore. Because I stopped eating it I had successfully rewired my brain to lose the cravings. I was also acutely aware the cravings would come right back if I ate another one…even one bite. Um….duh. That’s sort of like quitting cigarettes and having one just for fun after 3 years. I’ll say this again too. For me, the idea of taking a bite of something to get past the craving equates to giving an alcoholic a sip of beer to stop the craving. SOME of us can take these bites but so many cannot. If I had a quarter for every post-op that told me the M&M story, I could take a trip to Mexico. The M&M story you might ask? Maybe it’s because they are tiny…but the story always starts the same. “I was doing great for 2 years, 4 years, (sometimes even longer) and I ate one M&M. Really what could that hurt? Next it was two then three…then a small bag, a bigger bag.” Some call it testing the waters. They went such a long time without one single M&M and nobody died, they certainly didn’t miss out on anything of nutritional value and they were doing great until they decided they could try just one. In other words they never cheated during that time and most were at the weight they wanted to be or at least smaller than after they started the M&M’s. You CAN be abstinent from sugar and junk food and it is far easier if you have none instead of a little for those that struggle with not being able to stop. Again let me repeat….IF you can “eat just one”, go for it. I’m beyond thrilled for you!!! If you find you are not losing or you are in the process of regain, you could always try stopping any food you don’t wish to crave. Try it for a month but approach it one day at a time. When I’m somewhere and there’s a bowl of M&M’s, I look at it as if it’s a bowl of cyanide. Sugar put me in the prison of an obese body and at the end I would have rather died than spend another day at my heaviest weight. And really….if you were a drug addict would you allow yourself a cheat snort once a week? This is a great quote that applies. 100% is easy, 99% is a b***h. Not eating processed sugar and junk food 100% is so easy but 99% leaves a ton of wiggle room. It has became totally effortless for me to avoid these foods but please don’t misunderstand…..my journey is still something I work on every….single…day. If you still think this is utterly ridiculous, file it away for later. My favorite quote: There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance — that principle is contempt prior to investigation. It means don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. And just in case you might have missed this before… I’ll leave you with an oldie but goodie.. .

I totally agree. I was (and am) diagnosed with an eating disorder. I have learned to retrain my brain over time. I gave the scale so much power...so much power....until I worked really hard at changing my relationship with it, with food, with almost everything. I certainly wasn't at this place even 6 years ago. We all have to find what works for us and if getting on the scale destroys you it can certainly be something to focus on. I finally reached the point where getting on the scale was just a number to an equation and I was responsible for the feedback I was receiving. Before I avoided it and suffered even more because I imagined it to be far worse than it was. Once I started weighing every day, my weight hasn't fluctuated more than 5 pounds in years because I can catch what I'm doing. I'd rather work on a few pounds than ten pounds. Regarding cheating: I don't actually use that term because I don't eat food anymore that has no nutritional value and/or might wake up those cravings that have long been quieted. Some people Celebrate a cheat day and if you can stick to that day and not go overboard, that's awesome. Again 100% is easy and it's that 99% that can get some of us in trouble. Since I wrote that blog post I've gotten the M&M story 8 more times. We are all different but thinking can be rewired or even progress can be made to get to a place where we don't react the same way we did a few years ago. Regarding exercise: I had to look it up because I didn't even know how many steps equaled a mile. I attempt to hit a goal for steps per day and I have learned to do my best. You could say no one should wear a pedometer because they will have to beat those numbers. For that very reason my apps that report my steps are only seen by me. I know if I see I'm below my friends that I will try to do way better and not for the right reasons. The list was generated by hundreds of people who report to this registry and have kept their weight off for a long time. It's simply data compiled to see what things were "alike". I don't often talk about my abstinence from certain foods but it came up in the list. I also receive hundreds of emails from people who lose their way after doing so well for some time because they fell back into old habits. Old eating habits, old thinking habits. Every day I try my best to wake up grateful for all that I have instead of coveting things I don't have. It's about progress too....and certainly not perfection. Deep rooted disorders can be tough to change but for many change is achievable even if it takes a long time. Thank you and everyone for their comments. I appreciate your kindness and mostly your respectful way of expressing yourself.