BariatricGirl

I just bawled my head off reading this.....You just want to crawl in a corner and die....doesn't matter what your co-worker said. It was you who felt this woman's pain and it was you who knew what she was feeling and it was you who cried for her.... One change at a time.....One changed feeling at a time.... Your right you know...A lot of people are exactly what the scarecrow said in the wizard of Oz: Scarecrow: "...some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?" Excellent comment!!!

What a beautiful story. And while I understand the liability stuff I would probably have had to get other employees to sit on me to not try to help. I mean I understand there are rules....I just tend to throw them out the window when someone is in distress. I'm grateful the fire department was so close. I didn't fall but my moment that was like that was when my mom died. She had been dying of cancer for a year and even though I was huge I got bigger that year because I gave up. For so long I had isolated and only went to work and one store and the morning of the funeral I realized that I would have to face tons of people who hadn't seen me in years. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I could see the looks on their faces....poor Yvonne...she was so pretty in college...look how she has let herself go. (I managed a couple of years in college to be anorexic but could never get it back) I couldn't have been more embarrassed and ashamed at the same time. On top of that I lost my mom and wanted to die. Your heart is so big and it was wonderful that you felt for that woman. Thank you for sharing.

I don't think pink dahlia meant to be judgmental...really more of making a point of how many times we see things where we wish we could share with people all the things that saved our own lives. One point in particular that you brought up that is very important and that's how many people in our community have been sexually or mentally abused. I think it is far more common than most think. That's exactly why we need so much support to heal those psychological wounds and some of them are passed down through dysfunctional families generation after generation. I actually decided to have my tubes tied at 31 because I wanted to stop the insanity that I believed was being passed on. When I see someone who is obese my heart breaks because I know that deep down inside there is a person who wants to escape that outside shell and they feel like most people won't give them a chance and unfortunately that's pretty much true.

For some people food is a drug and all food is legal. For me it seems like a perfect example of how much pull food can have and many people have also just given up. I've known a couple of people who had emphysema and were told if they didn't quit smoking they would die but kept smoking. For them life wasn't worth living without smoking and for some people life isn't worth living without food. I like that your daughter is open about your Lap Band....there should be no shame involved.

Thank you...your kindness is very much appreciated.

Again...I am FASCINATED with human behavior and different cultures. You made me a laugh about the story of the French President....Yes I remember the flowery caftans and polyester everything. When the store Lane Bryant came into existence I was in heaven because they had normal clothes for larger women. At the end of my obese life I had switched over to men's 4x shirts and was told one time I should contact Omar the tent maker for clothes. (Nice huh?) Unbelievable story about the smoking!! I just can't believe a doctor would do that. I would imagine you probably have a larger amount of people who are home bound for fear of being scrutinized in public. Thank you for sharing.

Jamilyne I have said those exact words so many times!! When I would get the "just diet and exercise" comment thrown at me I also wanted to just scream "DON'T YOU THINK I HAVE A MIRROR??? DON'T YOU THINK I HAVEN'T TRIED EVERY DIET KNOWN TO MAN? DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK I LIKE BEING LIKE THIS?". I remember going to a doctor once and he told me I was carrying the equivalent of a 12 year old boy on my shoulders. Alert the media! I not only tried every diet in existence (many more than once) but I did horrible, dangerous things to my body. I drove to a doctor that was 10 hours away who saw hundreds of women on Saturday. He put 6 at a time in an exam room and you paid cash. He handed you a prescription and you walked next door to his pharmacy and you got pills with no imprint on them. I found out later it was a diet drug (most likely amphetamine), lasix, thyroid meds etc. Of course if I had been told it was a thyroid med that could harm me but would make me lose weight....I didn't care! The only thing I had left to try was to shoot up meth and for about a minute I thought I'd at least die skinny. Even after being told I had a 400% chance of getting cancer over a normal person it couldn't have made me want to lose weight any more than I already did. I told them when I had gastric bypass that if they had told me I had to cut off a toe, I would have just never worn sandals again. I GET everything you said. I think if physicians approached it by saying something like "how can I help you get some of that weight off because I want you live" is much better than "you HAVE to lose weight" it would be received much better. Of course I have many more suggestions than that if I could wave a magic wand. I just wanted to let you know how much I could relate to your story and that you are a far braver person than me because I could never get a massage when I was obese....I didn't even leave the house except to go to work and Walmart where I could get food and clothes at the same time.

Thank you for seeing my heart. Many times I am not given a chance because of preconceived ideas....you obviously have a loving soul and that's beautiful.

Everyone has different ways of communicating. I could never say those words to someone even though I think several people thought I would when they read this post. Usually someone will mention something that may have happened over 13 years ago and I can say something like "I couldn't do that back then because I was nearly 300 pounds". At that point if they ask I say it like it's every day conversation "Oh I was really lucky...I had weight loss surgery and lost 130 pounds". Again if they ask more, I tell them more. If they don't ask it's always possible that I planted a seed. Congrats on those 118 pounds by the way!

Please know I only wanted to see if he was OK. He was really hurt badly. If I could have made contact with him I wouldn't have told him he should check out surgery. Only if it came up and he wanted to talk about it would I have even gone there. I don't want to be misunderstood...I have never ever suggested or pushed surgery on anyone. I have only shared my experience and usually it's just a statement brought into the conversation when I might get to mention that I used to weigh nearly 300 pounds... Once that's said... if they don't ask anything else...I'm done talking about it. What I was trying to convey in this article was that he was surprised I took time to help him and that broke my heart because I could tell he was a truly kind soul.

It's embarrassing enough thinking of someone approaching someone one on one but I can see how coming from the wife of your boss had to be awful. Good people picking a bad way for sure. I'm so glad they didn't turn you off to it so much that you didn't consider it. I'm actually working on a t-shirt and it's partly to educate the public in general. It's so weird that so many people will say "that stuff doesn't work" but the minute a celebrity loses a ton of weight they say "she had weight loss surgery!" They need to make up their mind.

Recycled don't think for one moment that one person may not make a big impact. What if that one person helped had been you! Many of us feel the same way you do and that's why I volunteer full time in this community. You never know what one blog post, one You Tube video, one Facebook page post....whatever it is....makes a difference. I hope you saw the story I wrote about the bellman in one of the comments before this. It's the perfect example of changing lives one person at a time whether you meant to or not. Take pride in that one life you touched that day....

You are a beautiful person! Thank you for this post! Good to know there are some still left. God Bless.. I sure needed and appreciate that so much.

What a great story!

I am fascinated by stories from different cultures. I also can't imagine how difficult it must be for her. I had no idea that clothing only goes up to size 12 there. I suppose buying clothing online is certainly an option. The stigma regarding obesity must be overwhelming. Is bariatric surgery even something people know much about?

Andrew that was a very kind thing to consider. It's so sad that she was on a scooter at such a young age....you wonder if she'll live very long if something isn't done. Unfortunately she may have already checked it out but might not qualify and that's somehow even sadder.

I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words about the post. You're right...it's a very personal decision and there's no easy way to share information.

WOW! I'm betting he's starting to feel a difference already. I hope he'll be able to take advantage of the weight loss to get himself out of his chairs and become mobile again. You're right... this most definitely was a life saving surgery for Frank.

Oh Kaylee, what a beautiful story about your grandfather. He sounded like a beautiful man and it's obvious that he was loved deeply by you and your family. It's very sad when you think about how many people have been robbed of so many years because of obesity. You described him so perfectly that I feel like I almost knew him.

I LOVE your story and I love your attitude about taking no prisoners. Abusing people about their weight is one of the last acceptable prejudices and it's so cruel. I think sometimes I find myself talking about my WLS when I'm in a new group of people to make them aware before someone makes a "fat joke" because even though I am the most non-confrontational person on earth....I just couldn't allow an unkind remark about obesity go unnoticed. I get uncomfortable when anyone feels they have to make an unkind remark about anyone. Until you are in the shoes of the person being made fun of you have no idea what their journey is about. I suffered through 30 years of that kind of talk and I don't want to live without mutual respect, kindness, and understanding for others.

I absolutely agree. How wonderful that she's managed to lose that much. I also hope she can keep it up and perhaps having you around will help her. I've had a family member ask me to help another and I tried to explain that I cannot do it for them. Even if I could hand them a free surgery it won't work until they are ready to work it. 85 pounds is so impressive...I so hope she continues to do well. We all know it's hard work and I'd be really proud of her too.

I'm so glad you posted this so I could be reminded to go back and make a point of adding that it's never a good idea to approach people. There are so many reasons and just one of them are the hundreds of people that want the surgery but cannot get it. I volunteer for a non-profit called WLSFA.org that raises money to grant surgeries to those who have been denied. It's very hard to raise money for surgeries because there is still so much stigma associated with it but there have been 11 recipients so far. All I can do is spread the word the best way I can and hope I can plant a seed that may one day help someone out.

"Let me help you up". He had salt and pepper hair and perhaps the kindest sky blue eyes I have ever seen. With a perfect Texas drawl he said "Little lady you're gonna have to pack a little more lead in the rear to help me up!" My heart was breaking for him. I grabbed him by his good arm and we rocked....1, 2, 3, and I pulled with everything I had. No matter how much I wanted to help this man, I couldn't get him off the ground. He explained he was walking to work and I at first got the impression he was trying to get some exercise. I asked him to stay put and I'd get some help and as I ran into the building, there were just a few tiny women and elderly people that could be of no help. By the time I got back out, a man had stopped to help him up. He was hurt....I told him there was a doctor inside, would he please come in? I know he was both surprised and ashamed that I would help him. He chuckled and said he was alright (he wasn't). As he walked out of my sight he said "It's time to go on that diet". Of course I knew he'd been on hundreds of diets, just like I had. It was the perfect time to have shared my story but yet it wasn't. I wish I had at least gotten his contact information so that maybe my signature on my email would perhaps spark a conversation. Maybe he didn't have a car and had to go into work anyway for fear of losing his job because of his size. Maybe he couldn't afford to call for an ambulance. So many "maybes". Every day since then I have considered waiting at that parking space to see if I could locate him again. He felt so much embarrassment and I wanted to tell him that I knew there was a perfectly loving man inside trying to get out. I wanted to tell him so many things but most of all that I didn't see him as just a morbidly obese man....that he was just as valid and worthy as anybody and the shell he lived in did not make him "less than". I fell a few weeks before that and was in extreme pain so I could only imagine what he was dealing with. Tears ran down my face for the rest of the day. Call me silly for wanting to do this but I'm going back to try to find him. I want him to know why I didn't judge him that day. And why I cried. p.s. I just added this because I do want everyone to know that I would NEVER give anyone unsolicited advice because I have seen it happen and someone got the response "I've already had WLS". Much like asking a woman if she's pregnant....not until I see the crowning of the baby's head would I ever ask when someone's baby is due. I just wanted to make sure everyone understood that. *Note- I wrote this in 2011 and reread it the other day. I decided to share it here because the comments left on this blog post were so memorable and heartfelt. If you'd like to read them you can see them here. I've been back to that same parking spot every month basically at the same time of the day ever since that day. I have unfortunately never found him again. If I ever do, I hope he'll let me take a picture with him so you can see his beautiful blue eyes and the kindest face you could ever imagine.

Mrsto you took the words right out of my mouth! I meant to add that to the article and I know I need to so I will. I have never ever approached anyone but have done the same thing with neighbors or people that brought up a subject where I could just mention that I was obese in the past. I was much different when I was obese (what's new, I'm just weird) about being approached but that didn't happen 13 years ago. When I saw Carnie Wilson on TV I jumped on it and made an appointment in 15 minutes. I do want to tell one story that made me happy that I am so open about my surgery. I checked into a hotel for a WLS event and the bellman asked why I was in town and I told him. I showed him my before/after pictures and talked about how my life had changed, He suddenly hung his head in shame and said "Oh no....I have a lot of apologizing to do". I asked why and he told me that his wife had been begging him to let her have surgery for 3 years and he thought it was sheer quackery. He told me he was going home to give her some good news and tell her how sorry he was for not believing her. That story always makes me happy!

First I want to congratulate you about surgery!!! How wonderful. I also want to thank you for your kind words and encourage you to use the list as a guide. Your journey is a learning experience and no matter how much you know going in....some of those old habits may take a little practice. IF you do end up breaking rule #1 I want you to never feel shame or beat yourself up because we cannot change the past. All we have is right now and that's the only thing you can change. I will repeat again that it is easier to not do something 100% instead of 99%. In case you missed the great article that was posted in these comments by another member (Isereno), make sure and read this article too. I thought it was wonderful! http://www.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2013/01/want-to-be-free-from-french-fries-or-why-abstaining-may-be-easier-than-you-think/ Be free pupichupi!!