LittleOleMeinFL

good morning... janet~ hugs... our mentor IS human! : ) Wow, wtg though on the gym. I was mad at myself but not THAT mad. But after reading that I think I will go to the gym this morning. Great~ congrats on the PT. You really are knocking it out! Oct and Apples~ (and most of you) crack me up with the dogs that are almost human. I have two crazy cats. One is a 20 lb pound kitty who I saved one hr before his time. And the other is an over bred Burmese who doesn't have the sense of a piece of toast. She has fallen in the pool a dozen times trying to drink from the spa water fall..LOL. She will only eat grocery store Delicat. Won't touch Science diet, etc. or canned food or meat, fish or cheese. The big boy will eat ANYTHING. If I ever get a dog it will have to be something smaller and calm. A friend of mine has a sheltie, lab and german shep. they all lick and jump. oh! Just freaks me out. Mrs B.~ how's the carpet?! I bet you are happy to see white again! Took Nels to the derm. He's fine. She said that he is just a freckly/mole kid, but not to worry, they look fine. It is very very rare for moles in kids to be cancerous. I went to a pharmaceutical dinner for nurse practitioners last night. I am trying to network and find the perfect PT job. They had it at one of those fancy restaurants where the entrées are $28-38! I prepared for this the whole day with my eating. Break. 200 cal protein bar (20gms protein) and coffee w/ cream (50), Lunch was a 100c Muscle Milk Light 15g prot. So I had a lot of calories left in the bank. Appet. was brie/fruit/coconut shrimp. (I had one shrimp and one bite of brie), 2nd course was soup or salad (I had lobster bisque), I don't even want to know the calories in that! It was a small bowl but still what do you think 200 cal?? So then entrée I ordered Red Snapper Grenobloise but they added olives and mushrooms with the capers. delicious!!! served with steamed spinach and rice. Well, I was soooo excited about my protein that I ate too fast.... (everyone knows what is next, huh?) PAIN... IRON FIST... STUCK..... We are in a room in the back of the restaurant, some pulmonologist is talking about his drug with a slide show. I tried to sit there for a few min but was so afraid to PB that I grabbed my bag and left. I sent a text to the coord. of the dinner and lied and said I had a babysitting emergency. I never PBd, in fact by the time I got home I was FINE, and ugghhhh a little hungry once it passed. So, small bites... and chew chew chew chew!!! Even the softest protein in too big of bites will get stuck! I had a glass of skim milk and two 50 cal cookies of Nelson's an hour after I got home. At least I stopped at 2. Time to get moving. TTYL......peasout

Hey guys~ Wow eva, what a beautiful nice long post. You summed up my thoughts exactly. Can I just say ditto? <smile> Meredith~ welcome back to the rat race. I know you needed that time off after your schedule with school and work. Apples~ I saw that comment about the gym. <wink wink giggle> You crack me up about the "almost choked on my popcorn"! I think we all have to find our own normal. Mine normal is about half cracked, which is how I like it. ; ) I love how you are saying the kids were being kind about their mom's stuff. Janet~ WTG on the gym. I know what u are saying about different gyms and the machines. I am so sore today from getting back to weights yesterday. Will head back tomorrow. Great~ so proud of you and the knee. Keep up the good work. I was smiling reading about those pots. When I first got married I got a set of those on my registry. I managed to KILL a couple of them with a burnt dinner gone bad. I was too embarrassed to return them even though they had a warranty. I could use those pots now, but would never spend that kind of money on a set. Also now, who needs a set- you always need like one new one. So, did you get them? : ) M&D called and dad is scheduled for surgery next Wed. They are going to finally get a brush biopsy, change the stent and change the nephrostomy tube. The urologist wants to eventually get that out so dad can have a better quality of life. They want me to come up, so Nelson and I will fly up on Tuesday. I was trying to get his "expectation" to know when to return... and in the conversation he got upset with me about that. Basically I just wanted to find out how long he thought he could handle Nelson... and he was like "how do i know?!" <sigh> So much for me trying to be sensitive and do what he would wish of me. Will CBL. Taking Nels to the dermatologist. He got a haircut yest and the barber noticed that one of his moles on his scalp is bigger and raised. I am sure it's nothing- but better to be safe. I told him it was where an angel kissed him. : ) peas.

hello all~~~ You guys have been so busy with the posts! I take one day off and I have 5 pages to read. Even I cannot keep up with that. Julie~ yum, the bread sounds divine. Glad you found a way to make it without killing your shoulder. I LOVE the chip tea party Mimi did! Their imaginations are in full gear. Cracks me up. Apples~ you are so kind to help pack her apt. As busy as you are too. Her DD will be so thankful when she has that collection safe and sound. And you are a tough cookie with good survival skills, I had no doubt. : ) Janet~ OK my friend. I took your advice. (The angel on my one shoulder was telling me the same but I wasn't listening b/c you know who was screaming on the other!) Yest. I went to the gym during lunch time. I was just amazed at how many people are there during their lunch hour!!! I didn't feel like going AT ALL, but told myself to go and do 30 min on the step tread. I did it. I cannot believe the strength and speed I lost in one month of not going! I went again this morning after dropping Nels off. I did 30 min on treadmill and 30 min odd and end weights and 100 crunches. I am beat, but feel better for going. (more psychologically than mentally right now.) Thanks for the swift kick in the A$$ that I needed. <smile> Candy is out of the house. That stuff kicked my butt. You know what it is, this is the first time since surgery that I was around large amounts of chocolate and candy. And now there are two things: 1) the feeling of the SLIP OF WILL POWER, just knocks the wind out of you. We all know that horrible feeling when we start letting things go. It's like a mini feeling that you are capable of screwing it all up again. 2) the physical withdrawal from sugar/carbs is so damn powerful! I was talking with DH about this... and I am feeling so HUNGRY. I have not felt this hungry since pre band days! And it is literally insulin levels are up waiting for me to eat some chocolate! I need to get past this next couple days and hopefully it will pass. What a powerful vicious cycle. We are supposed to have a "cold snap" here today..LOL. Meaning a low of 65! High will still be in the 80s. But at least the AC won't kick in all night. I was hoping for some real cold. I guess we will get that in NC for Thanksgiving. I need to go get some house chores done. CBL peeps. peas

ok... dh forgot the Halloween candy again!!! <steam coming out my ears> My cleaning girls are coming today. If they won't take it, it's going in the garbage!!! I am up 5 lbs now. 3 from NC and 2 from Halloween. (It is also TOM~ so I am trying not to freak out). Going to the gym today. apples~ hugs. what a special day indeed. And I am sure she was smiling down at you. have a good day everyone...peasout...Laura

Good afternoon guys~ I packed up all the Halloween candy and DH will take it to work with him tomorrow, I hope. I just can't be trusted with it. DH was shocked that I reacted so negatively when he forgot the bag today. I exclaimed... "if I could say no so easily to food, then I wouldn't have had to have a silicone band surgically implanted!" I should have just thrown the damn stuff in the garbage as I had first thought of. urrrggghhhh. I went by Big Lots and Walgreens to get some of the clearance Halloween stuff (that is not edible). Got some cute things for next year. This year's and the new stuff already packed in a rubbermaid and in the attic! I even found 5 little things for Nelson for Christmas. This is the EARLIEST I have ever bought something for the holidays. In the past I have bought stuff, but would get frustrated on a weekend afternoon and give him a toy to keep him occupied. <guilty grin> Well, now they are bagged and tagged and in the attic! I even got so organized as to take a digital pic and made a folder so I can remember what I bought! OCD at its best. I really am going to try this year to get fewer things. He got so much from DH and auntie the 10 days I was gone. I really don't want him to have ANYTHING until Christmas, so as he can appreciate it. Or at least attempt. I lost my wallet today. I was FREAKING out... dreading to have to call and cancel my cards when the drug store called. I had left it near the register! When I went to pick it up I wanted to leave the clerk a reward and she wouldn't take it. I sent an email to her district manager instead. I hope she knows how much grief she helped relieve. Bought some fresh basil at the farmers market. I am in the mood for some Thai food... maybe curry basil something... Time for car line. CBL.

a few more pics from the night.. enjoy

Hello guys~ phew, glad Halloween is over too. The things we do for our kids! We went to a neighborhood Halloween party. (bounce house, petting zoo, pony rides, hay rides, pizza, candy and drinks) After a few hours there we went to Nelson's best friend, Nicholas' house. They just moved in a couple weeks ago and it was our first time there. This kid was sharing a room with his 17 yr old brother for 5 years until the move. He came over our house all the time but was never allowed to have friends over b/c of the space issue. Nelson was his first friend over to see his bedroom and his playroom. He was so proud. It is always so enlightening for me to be around this kid. He is such an eater. His mom is constantly having to say "that's enough" and "slow down". The visit always gives me a few days to appreciate my picky eater with no appetite. This morning Nelson said he wasn't hungry- although he only had 2 bites of pizza in the afternoon yesterday and had no dinner.. and only had 2 miniature Snicker bars at night. In contrast I would much rather deal with the pickiness. We trick or treated in their new neighborhood via golf cart. That is definitely the way to go when houses are spread out! The boys LOVED it. Nelson was GI Joe/aka "army man" and Nicholas was "as Nels says Dark Invaider" (aka Darth Vader). LOL IYSOY, I love the Octupus prime! It was after 10 before we got a bath and in bed! Today DH took Nels to see the Astro Boy movie and to give me a little break. My time away really really helped him understand what I do. He was on call all day yesterday and worked for 12 hrs doing multiple cases back to back in the OR... and STILL he thought my day must have been harder. <smile> I love my DH. I have got to get this candy out of my house! I am usually not a sweets person either! But damn the timing of Halloween and TOM!!! Dangerous combination. For our treats I bought stuff I don't like.. like gummy body parts and sour candy. Even the kids only grabbed only one piece. I can hear them now.. "don't bother going to that house, they must be on diets, the candy sux!" Great~ I hope your knee pain is better today. It is so much easier to control pain ahead then to try and play catch up. At first I read your msg wrong and thought DH was the one crying. grin. Then I realized it was you. aww. Phyllser~ Loved your pics on FB! Looks like a hoot! I wish I had the cajones to dress up like those folks! Sounds like you had fun. : ) Mrs. B~ How was your little lady bug?! You must post us a pic when you can! How are you feeling? I know you are getting sick and tired of that shoulder. hugs. apples~ thinking of you friend. Meredith~ glad you are having fun out in CA with your sis! Don't worry about the eating on vacation. There's time for getting back in the groove. I bet your sis just about died when she saw you!!! Tell us more about your flight/trip. Janet~ I think you said you had family in town. How's it going? Oct~Eva, how the devil are ya?! How was the party? Sounds like a cute outfit. Just got off the phone with my dad. I think i told you guys they canceled chemo for one week b/c he has an infection in his kidney where the nephrostomy tube is. sigh. He is going every morning for outpatient IV antibiotics. Thank goodness for the port, as he would be a IV starters nightmare. He sounds tired. Not sure if it's the antibiotics, the infection or a bit of both. We are planning on going up the week of Thanksgiving. My GM who helped so much with Nelson's adoption is coming for one month from Turkey. I can't wait to see her! ok girlies... CBL. Have a good Sunday! peasout~ Laura

Hey guys~ Apples, I will try and call soon. There's no school on Friday, so will have Nels all day. Tomorrow DH is post call and I am getting "younger" hair in the a.m. and hope to get toes after if time permits. I do have some ideas about rentals and/or hotels with group rates. (seems we had a good handful that don't wish to share rooms). Maybe there is a house in one of those communities that also has a hotel/resort like deal. Also, before I forget, last Dec. I had my first bout ever with Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo. DH and I both had a good guess that that was the diagnosis, but boy if you are wrong, it can be something bad. So I had to see the neurologist, MRI.. blah blah blah. Both times I had it she was able to do the Epley maneuver to correct it. It's NOT fun. I remember the first time the neuro wanted to have me lie flat, I just cried. It is such a horrible feeling. Such a feeling of loss of control. Sounds like yours is connected to your sinus stuff. oh gosh, hope it is ok. And talking about the cold, I think I would just freeze to death there. (or would become a hermit and never leave the house). I just don't like the cold that much. (I like to visit it once in a while, but not long term). DH had a REALLY REALLY good job offer after residency in Bismark. We could have paid off all our school loans etc in 2 years with the pay vs cost of living there. In the end, the thought of the cold and being that far from my family convinced us not to take it. It is NOT something I regret. Janet, yeah, Monday sounds doable. I will get through the weekend. (DH on call and have to do Halloween by myself). I feel horrible that I haven't gone and even got an email from my YMCA running coach wondering where I was for the 5k training. SIGH... need to get back. But I hear ya with the getting sick thing. It's better NOT to push it when you feel yourself getting sick. But I WANT and need to get closer to my one year goal of 100 off and each week that goes by without a loss reminds me of how much more work I need to be doing. Last year DH had gone to Sears to by a treadmill. Got a good one and a good deal. Well, when they came to deliver it, it had a big scratch on the front. They only wanted to take $50 off a originally $1100 marked down to $700. Said I was already getting a deal, blah blah blah. They had already put it on my front porch and torn the box. I was so pissed that I said, "good, put it back on your truck!" (In my mind I thought they would call their supervisor and get another 50-100 off the price, rather than load it back up. It only had another 15 ft to go!) Well, they did NOTHING, no apology, nada, and put it back on the truck! Well, DH got home that night and was so mad at me. I told him we would find another one, and of course... never did. I see folks who hang clothes on them, etc. and I really don't have a good space for it. (it was going to have to be either in the guest room or Florida room). He still gives me a hard time about it. But, THAT is not a good excuse for not exercising. It is beautiful outside and it's exactly one mile around the main block of my neighborhood. I also have the pool heated. And the YMCA is 6 miles away. Really really no excuse. It's about being lazy and tired and trying to make excuses. I have GOT to get back with my trainer. It seems this is the only way that I make it to the gym on a routine basis. If I had it in myself, I wouldn't have needed surgery to help lose weight, right?! Sorry for the ramble. More later.. need to get the little monkey ready for bed. The girls came swimming again today. He should sleep good. Field trip to the nursing home tomorrow at school to sing Halloween songs to the seniors. awww. peasout~ Laura

good morning girls : ) Sorry I haven't been around much. Just busy busy busy. DH was on call Monday. I let Nels have an impromptu swimming party with the 3 neighbor girls after school. (Have I lost my mind?! LOL) Then TKD yesterday and out to dinner after (with the white uniform on! I have lost it!) It is so good to be home. Even fantastic to be back to the daily grind of my life as a wife/mom. Went to Sam's yesterday for my contact lenses and some of the bulk things (tp, papertowels, etc.) drycleaners, blah blah. Dad's docs have temp. put his chemo on hold, was supposed to start Thurs. He started really bleeding/clots from his nephrostomy tube. Creat. climbing a little and he is retaining Fluid. Up 4 lbs in one day. The urologist is getting a film- putting dye directly into kidney to see what is going on and then planning a cystoscopy. There was some good news. His bone scan came out negative. Hmmm.. so they say that the PET scan showed thoracic spine positive. They are now saying it means it is only slightly in the marrow. (a touch of cancer, if you will). A little encouragment... but afraid my folks will think that means there's no cancer. Just means the bone involvement is not that involved. uughhh.. to be cont. Apples~ I don't know how you do it in the cold... and without sun light... and dealing with all those farmers! And you have a positive outlook 99% of the time! : ) Come to FL to recharge your battery ANY TIME you want! Glad you didn't feel bad after your flu shot. I didn't either this year. I am having a hard time finding the H1N1 for Nelson. His Ped. doesn't have it, only health dept and you have to wait in 4 hr lines! Julie~ I hope you are feeling better with that darn shoulder! Let's see what the ortho says. Really really, if they don't figure it out soon, go see the pain md we talked about. HUGS. Give that mimi a hug too.:scared2: Meredith~ HUGS on the house:huggie:. Dang! That suckssss! I know how bad you wanted it. Just know that it wasn't meant to be. You will find one. When we were looking for our last house, I went and looked at 30 of them and then showed DH my top 3. He liked #2 and I had a tie btw 1 and 2. He doesn't enjoy that stuff either. Can't stand deciding between 3 diff khaki paint colors! LOL. AND... have a safe safe trip to see your sis! I know that will recharge your battery! I love flying/traveling. Just bring a good book, and look at all the crazy people, bring some healthy Snacks. And you will be so thrilled with how much more comfortable the seat is! I used to HATE my thighs sweating with the person next to me. Janet~ wtg on the cleaning closets. A woman after my own heart. : ) I hope you have a nice visit with family. It sounds like you are adjusting just fine with the changes at work. Good for you! You are such a go getter. Now, if you could go-getter(meaning ME) to the gym! I am having a hard time getting there since my return. No gym x 3 weeks. SIGH. Great & Phyl~ I am so darn proud of you and Phyllser with your knee surgery! What an example to everyone else suffering with surgery or injuries. WTG!!! LauraK~ Hi and hope you are well today. Raking leaves, fun fun. I did that at my mom's in NC. Not much of that here in FL. So I cleaned the pool. I have been basically so good all day with food and then at night my band OPENS and I have been snacking. It's also about TOM and you know what that means! Craving sugar and salt! I am up 3 lbs since before I left for NC. Just makes me so darn mad. ughhh:cursing: Time to get back to exercise and better choices. sigh. TTYL... have a great day everyone!!! Not quite sure why I am up at 5:30... just couldn't sleep. peasout~~~ Laura

Two sunrises are at my parents house- back yard. The other two were taken this morning after SIL and nephew left. Just me and Nels playing outside.

some pics from NC. The view from my parents' sunroom is amazing. Dad's best friend has come every other day since the diagnosis. I love the one of me and my parents, even though I cut my mom almost out. : )

Hello all~ I am home. Oh my, it feels good. Nelson RAN and JUMPED on me at the airport. There was a marine coming back from Iraq and was 100 ft behind me. All the people clapping, I thought it was for me..LOL. But, I just melted in DH's arms and actually cried. Last night we ordered from one of our old favorite Italian restaurants. (haven't eaten there since surgery). We ordered WAY too much food. Our company loved it! Veggie pizza, eggplant parmigiana, spaghetti and meatballs, salad, garlic knots. I had sauce and 1 oz of meatball and two bites of the topping from DH's pizza. I was tight from the flight and could barely eat. And when I am tight like that air keeps escaping from my band. It's like a quiet burp but uncontrollable. It was quite embarrassing. Nelson was so sweet and good last night. After I put him to bed SIL was telling me that he was really mean to them after I left and when DH was at work. Almost like he thought them being here was why I left. Apparently he gave them a hard time all week. But last night he was so sweet to them in front of me. Not sure what that's about except that he was reacting to his little world being turned upside down? DH took SIL and nephew to Miami and to airport tonight. Nels and I opted not to go. We have enjoyed the day playing outside. I let him drive his little John Deere gator around the yard while I chatted with my neighbor and updated her about my trip. Trying to get the guest rooms changed, catching up on laundry, moved Nels back to his room. Spoke to my folks twice today, can tell they are missing me as much as I am them. Will post a couple pics from the trip. I was up early every morning and got some great sunrises. Once the dust settles will write more to everyone indiv. Congrats and welcome to Liliana. Janet, Linda, thanks for the message on FB. peasout~ Laura

hey girlies, i am so ready to go home. I am really really homesick today. For 9 days I have been so strong every time I talk to Nelson... today was the first day I cried. I tried to make funny words/sounds to disguise it. I don't think he knew, but DH did. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband. Not many men would take on a task of a 5 year old (when they have never done the daily stuff). He has done it with grace and love. I have tried to tell him how much it has meant, but not sure my words even scratch the surface of what i feel in my heart. I cannot wait for that hug on Saturday at the airport. I did delay the trip one day. Dad had the port consult and they were able to schedule him for 730am tomorrow. I had to stay. His chemo won't start until next Thursday. But glad he will have the port early for labs and IVs if necessary. We had dr appts all morning and then went out to lunch. Then spent the rest of the afternoon getting all their paperwork in order. Can't remember if i said this already. Got a file box and label maker and went to town! Mom had stacks of papers every where and one strong wind and she wouldn't find a thing for a week. I get such satisfaction from organizing. <grin> Apples, thanks for the hint on the muffins. Next time i will know. They actually taste ok if you toast them. And I still cannot get over the pics. You look amazing. That girl in the before pics is beautiful but cannot recognize her. : ) You guys crack me up with the purses and shoes. I am all about quality, not quantity. It sounds like some of you are about both Qs! I would rather have 2 nice coach bags and 1 good tumi travel bag and a dooney or two. Done with the bags. I rarely change them, maybe season to season. I do have a few foofoo dressy ones for parties and such. But usually just make DH carry a lipstick in his pocket. Shoes are a sore subject for me. I have such big wide feet. 10W that I can rarely find shoes in a store where I live. (unless they are cheesey old lady shoes) I order a lot online. I have 4 pairs of good running shoes. 4 good sandals. a couple clog/mule type deals and 2 dressy ones. done. All my real coats are here. Even with the cold snap we had, I realize that I hate coats. Would rather run to the car without. My sis and I were talking about our surgeries. She had gastric bypass in June. She's lost 53 including preop diet Even before our surgeries, everyone assumed she weighed more than me b/c I was smaller than her, just weighed more. I had mine March. I am 226 and she is 215 or so. But it's just amazing how much thinner I am. We are the same height. But I guess b/c I work out a lot usually- I am just more dense. She tried on some of my clothes and they were small. I so worry about her. She can eat almost anything and has a very good appetite. I worry that she is not really working at it and hopes the weight will come off by default. I hope she doesn't gain the weight back. Heck, I guess that's what we all hope for. Meredith, hugs.... to your day. probably won't be on for a few. Once I get home i will have to concentrate on loving on the boys and sending my SIL off on Sunday. peasout~~~ Laura

hey all, DH and Nelson can't come. Nelson still has a runny nose and DH has a low grade fever and scratchy throat and cough. Just not worth exposing Dad to the crud. My return to FL is scheduled for Friday afternoon. Tomorrow is the surgeon consult for the port. If he can do it Friday, then I will reschedule my flight for Sat. Today we took dad back to the primary dr for labs. He gained 4 lbs in 4 days and want to make sure his Creat is not creeping back up. They will be back in the a.m. . Hopefully it is just the increased eating. He is on Megace for appetite stimulant. It's made from the urine of pregnant women! I told him he is eating for two. I made him creme caramel yesterday and he has had 3 pieces. I have a leg of lamb in the oven now. I tried to make low sugar blueberry muffins (recipe had applesauce in it), what a disaster! They stayed wet and never rose. It has been fun giving mom a break from the kitchen. SIL and nephew are leaving on Sunday. The nephew was always scheduled to leave that day. SIL was supposed to be here 2 more weeks but has decided to go b/c of her prolapse/rectocele that occured during her trip here. (she had a hysterectomy in March) Boy, makes me think twice about the surgery! I think if I ever do it, I would have the robotic one where they keep the cervix in place. Besides all the regular stuff going on with running the house and caring for Nels, he has had to take her to the gyn every other day for pessary fittings! TMI, even when you are a doctor! Poor guy. When I called today I casually said "what are you doing?" and he replied sharply, "folding laundry!" (as if I accused him of watching tv all day!LOL) He is fed up to here (hand at forehead) and ready for me to come home I think. BUT... I am so proud of him and the great job he is doing. I think if nothing else he has a newfound appreciation for all that i do. As you guys said, I needed to be here. I couldn't have done it without him. I have some great pics of my dad. I have been snapping the camera every once in a while. Usually he complains, but he hasn't said a word. As if he knows I just need to. I dread saying goodbye when I leave. It's going to be a tearjerker for sure. I promise to get back to myself soon. I have been reading all your posts. From Janet's furlough to Apples boiled wook addiction..LOL. You guys make me smile. Thanks. peasout... Laura

hi guys~ before I forget, Happy Early Birthday Julie. I didn't want to forget. Glad you are doing a bit better. Meredith~ Nice to hear from you. Hugs and thanks. I hope the house goes through. I know how it was for us and the first one. I also fell in love and had to have it. I totally get it. Congrats on the clothes! That is so great! Speaking of Great... Great, glad you are doing so well with PT. I am also digging the thought of you coming to FL! Janet~ WTG on the gym. You continue to be such a great mentor. At least you have me THINKING about the gym. ; ) Thanks for the thoughts and PM on facebook. I haven't been in so long. Just can't seem to get back into the exercise groove. I've been doing physical cleaning, but feel guilty to go exercise. Even though this would be a great time to actually sleep past 6am, i feel so guilty and make myself get up early to help in the kitchen. Arlene~I hope the fill helps you. Glad everything else calmed down. IYSOY~ Glad things are better for you food-wise. Hope you are surviving your meetings. Phyls~ Sounds like you are enjoying time with your son. Your RV trip sounds so nice. Thanks for your kind words. Today was a follow up appt with the oncologist that they picked. The test for circulating tumor cell ennumeration came out ZERO! : ) Which apparently is a good indicator for better outcomes as it shows that perhaps the cancer is not so active and could respond to treatment. Dr wanted to get a radioactive isotope bone scan but dad wants to wait until he gets his port, as his veins are horrible. Appt with the surgeon on Thurs (earliest avail. but made me mad it couldn't be sooner). That is just for consultation and surgery would have to be scheduled and then chemo only after that. Seems things move so slow the faster you want them to move. Dad seemed more tired today, though he did gain 2 lbs since yesterday. Mom had less meltdowns today I think. DH wants to come on Wed with Nelson. I just feel he and dad should see each other before chemo starts. I still need to get a read on how dad feels about that before they come up. I don't even care about ridiculous prices of tickets. I just want Nels to see him before he gets too sick. ok, time to watch dancing with the stars. peasout~ Laura

Hi~~~just wanted to pop on a say a quick hi. I am doing ok. Just mentally exhausted. By the time I come to my room, I usually just sit down and have a good old cry. I spend the whole day trying to be strong. Even with all my strength, I have my moments of crying with my mom and once with my dad today. I was talking about DH feeling bad that b/c I am here and he is with Nelson, that he hasn't spoken to my dad as much as he usually does and that he felt guilty. This sparked a whole conversation about "guilt" by my dad. He was explaining that he feels so guilty right now. He feels guilty that b/c he is sick that everyone is upset and sad and worried... and b/c he is sick that everyone is rearranging their schedules to be here for them. He said that he hates people feeling sorry for him. He got watery eyes while he was telling me this. He hasn't cried in front of me yet. Mom said he has cried twice with here since the diagnosis. And she can count on one hand the times he has cried in 55 years since they met. Just so tough. Today dad wanted to go for a ride in the country. So I drove one of his nice cars, a 700 series BMW and we just drove and drove. The leaves are changing and it was cool (40s) today. He wished he could walk around a field, but with the urine bag and feeling weak, he just couldn't do it. We had a good time though. Then when we got back I got to work. The leaves had collected in front of their garage and the yard guys didn't show up on Friday. Dad's leaf blower is at his airport hangar, so I had to clean them the old fashioned way! Rake and broom and wheel barrel. Then I sweeped and mopped the garage. My folks garage floor is kept cleaner than most people's houses! I then cleaned the fridge and freezer in the garage. Threw out stuff that hadn't been labeled and couldn't be identified. Each day (when there is time) I am attacking something for my mom. She said closets were too stressful for her right now. Did the pantry yesterday. This is what I do when I am stressed. Tomorrow we meet with oncologist #1 that they like. I didn't meet him, as they went the day I was coming up here. We need to set up the port placement procedure and get the ball rolling. I hope things can be done quickly. Everyone, most importantly dad, is ready. Cancer sucks. Thanks guys for being such great friends. peasout....Laura

hey guys~ OMG!!!!!!!!! Apples, love love love your photos!! I cannot even tell your before and after are the same woman! You look great for your age, at least 15 yrs off your age! And I too love your kitchen. Today was a long day. My longest/oldest best friend in the world came by to see me and my family. We were crib friends. Actually our parents knew each other 5 years before we were born. They were best of friends too until about 10 years ago. Their middle son is gay and they are catholic and were ashamed. They started avoiding my parents and would lie to them. And drifted apart. Then out of the blue tried to call them one day and my dad was pissed and wouldn't talk to them. Then it was war and no one would talk. They wouldn't even come to my wedding and they were the first folks after my parents to hold me after I was born! My friend and i have remained very close despite our stubborn parents. 3 years ago her dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer with mets to colon. My dad wanted to call him, but then said "I would never want people to talk to me just b/c i was dying". So now, the shoe is on the other foot. Her dad wants to talk to my dad but knows how he feels. Just so grade school. My mom just sobbed when she saw her and my dad just hugged her for several minutes. It meant a lot to them. (she drove up from SC). Then my brother and his family came. And my sister's daughter too. So everyone was here except DH and Nelson. My dad was smiling watching all his kids and grandkids talking and joking. He almost had this look like.... maybe one of the reasons for getting sick was to bring this family together. weird i know. they weren't planning on staying for dinner, but dad didn't want everyone to leave. He asked each grandkid their favorite pizza and those were the 3 he ordered (even though those aren't his favorite). I couldn't even eat it and made a tuna salad thing with chickpeas and veggies in it. My brother's wife is a POS, and didnt say one thing to my dad. Nothing. And she is a nurse practitioner. Also, not a word about my weight loss. My nephew who is also my God son, said "Auntie Laura, you are really looking good!" I have been taking pics of my dad. I got a great shot of him talking with his best friend. Some of him at the airport. some in the plane. I didn't take any tonight, b/c i didn't want my SIL in them. oh, i think it was janet that asked the other day who flew the plane. My dad has a friend/co pilot come. His friend flew, though dad sat up front and actively listened with the headset and such. Tomorrow we have no real plans. Will hang out and get ready for monday. Monday is port placement, head MRI and Bone scan. Then getting chemo scheduled. I hope monday we get all those things done. We still need to call that dr and let him know he is the chosen one. ok friends, hope everyone is well. more later. peasout

hello all~ what a day. went to the 3rd oncologist. Medical opinions are like A$$holes, everyone's got one. The take home message for me is this cancer is really really bad at stage 4, but that they really don't know. We keep getting different numbers. I guess the most important data will be the scans after 2 rounds of chemo. DH took Nelson and the gang to Disney's Magic Kingdom today. 2 hr drive both ways! They had fun but sound exhausted. I had my Brazilian girls come clean the house, do laundry and change all the linens while they were gone. DH said, "someone broke in and stole all the dirty clothes, and they made the beds while they were here!" LOL. Cute. I am so thankful for those girls right now. I will have to bring them something from NC or just pay them extra. I had to make some of those dreaded calls today for my mom. She just couldn't tell people without crying so hard. Called mostly some long time family friends and my uncle. Just heart breaking. Everyone wants to come visit, but Dad just really doesn't want to see anyone right now. ok guys. hope everyone has a safe weekend. Janet, congrats on your job anniversary. Happy travels to those traveling. Bubba, glad you are a bit better. Great, you are doing awesome! Apples, any decisions with the job? Haven't seen any menus last few days. I have been cooking here last couple days for dinner. Dad is really not hungry, so has to be something really tasty. I made a really fresh stirfry tonight. Purposely made it a little high calorie (added sesame oil at end) and he ate a good portion. Wish you were here to cook for him. : ) Hi to everyone else. more later. peas

hey all, greetings from nc. what miserable weather. rainy, and dark and cold... just like the mood here. 40 most of the day. I wasn't even't thinking about shoes when I packed! (I packed in 15 min) I wore a pair of black slip on clog type thing with a small heel but has an open toe! My feet were freezing today! I packed a sweater and two light jackets. All my real winte stuff is still here in mom's cedar closet upstairs. I have a long leather coat and a really warm wool coat. I might have to go get some shoes one day. I have wide feet and it's not an easy task. I think it is the least of my worries right now. Thanks for all the thoughts, prayers and hugs. You guys are so sweet. Cancer sucks. Today the appt was at Duke. Not sure why i thought we were going to hopkins. though dh said that's what my mom said. she is so stressed and confused. she doesn't know what to do with herself. and really my dad only wants her. my sister is feeling a little threatened by my arrival. The plan was for her to go with them today, but since I came they asked her to stay. we went in a small cessna and there wasn't room for everyone. I am trying to be everything to everyone and it is mentally and physically exhausting. But I am glad i am here. As tough as it is, it is tougher being at home feeling helpless. we went to the appt all together. This oncologist was very matter of fact, no sugar coating. expectancy with treatment is avg 13 months. she didn't give a time without, said there's no way to know for sure. she said they would no more after they started chemo. it would depend how the tumors reacted. apples, the chemo is different than the "flush" ones you spoke about. that is for a different stage. he being stage 4 and with his one sick kidney is tough. it doesn't leave that many options. the really strong chemo is not an option. tomorrow is the 3rd consult. we will see what that guy says. nelson is doing ok. but really he feels like he is around strangers. he hasn't seen his aunt since he was 1 and never met his cousin. today they took him to mcdonalds and he refused to eat. they said he didnt have fever. i asked them to take him to baskin robbins for icecream, he ate 4 bites. thank God dh was able to sneak away from work to give him bath and put him to bed. he did not want auntie to give him a bath and insisted on waiting for his daddy. he sounded like he was a pill all day, but when i spoke to him at bedtime he was happy and laughing. amazing what a dose of daddy dose for a kid. i was expecting him to cry and such when he spoke with me, but he was fine. i feel a bit better. although dh sounded exhausted. i think this experience will give him a bit of insight into my days and nights. i do not have my thoughts together. i feel as though i am rambling without a point. i am typing on a small tiny computer (acer aspire) and cannot even bother with the capitals. i can barely see the screen. i am heading to bed early. dad went to sleep at 8. i got tight again during the flight here. i am getting in enough though. i am being real careful not to get stuck. was down to 226 today though i think i am dehydrated a bit. my dad was thrilled with my weight loss, as he hasn't seen me in a month. ok, i will update when i can. sorry didnt respond to the posts. i read through quickly but dont remember half of what i read. peasout~ laura

Hi guys. Typing from the airport. Going to nc. Spoke with my mom after appt with the oncologist and it's bad. Stage 4. Only 2 month survival if no chemo. Only max 2 yrs with aggressive treatment. My mom was crying so hard and said, why aren't u here? We need u, u should have come!why didn't u just come?! I feel like mud. She is so upset u can't say anything. All I said is I love u and am on my way. Tomorrow we fly in dad's plane to baltimore. Then fri a 3rd oncologist in charlotte. Left nels with dh and sil. Felt horrible leaving him with no real prep. Dh was supposed to leave for new orleans fri but cancelled it. Tomorrow sil will watch him while dh works. I hope he will be ok with her. He is sick with fever and cough. Tough stuff. Didn't even drag laptop, I have my crackberry, I mean blackberry! ; ) will try and keep in touch but know I don't that am busy. Hope everyone is ok. Peas

hey guys~ sorta a fly by. Dad goes to the first of three oncologist appts today. He then has one Thurs and one Friday. He really wants to see if the treatment plans are the same or drastically different. Can't blame him. He is VERY untrusting of the medical profession. Now if someone changes a medication he calls two of his drs for their opinion. Bless. It's just all so sad. I was planning on going up IMMEDIATELY. Mom and Dad both expressed concern about this. Dad said, "I know your heart is in the right place. Can you wait to come up when I really need you?" I said I can come up now AND when you really need me. SIGH. I was going to get the tickets and now it really is about having Nelson with me. Dad said he really strives to always be a good example to him. He said he doesn't feel like being strong or brave or making happy faces when RIGHT NOW.. he feels like being pissed and sad b/c he's hurting physically and emotionally. He doesn't want Nelson to remember Grandpa in a bad mood, or in pain. SIGH. So, the plan is this weekend DH is taking SIL and nephew to New Orleans for a medical conference (kill two birds with 1 trip). They will be back on Tuesday and then I will leave Wed. DH is on vacation next week. This will be the first time EVER leaving Nelson with anyone but my mother for more than 24 hrs. I love and trust my DH 100%, it's just that he has never taken care of him by himself. I know he can do it, and he will be fine. So I will go from Wed to Sun to NC to see my folks. But, also waiting to hear what the docs say this week. Nelson has had a bug for the last day or so. Fever of 102, decreased appetite and diarrhea. When he doesn't have fever, he feels 100% back to normal. No school yest or today. I wish I could write more to each of you. Just know that I am thinking of you. I read all the posts. Janet <hug> on this anniv. peasout for now, Laura

Hi everybody~ Once again, thanks for all the hugs and thoughts. You guys really are the best. Makes me feel a bit "normal" knowing that everyone gets scattered when dealing with a family member that is sick. It just sucks. After we picked up SIL and nephew, my dad called my cell. He tried to put on such a strong brave voice to talk to them. I really think he will be a fighter with this. I just hope the oncologists have something encouraging to say. We will find out on Friday. So far, so good with the visitors. The airport was a nightmare. Flight was 2 hrs late and customs delayed them 1 hr. The drive was 2 hrs there, 3 hrs in the airport and then 2 hrs home. Nelson was so good 95% of the day. In the airport he spilled a whole apple juice on himself! Shirt, short, socks and shoes DRENCHED! Luckily had extra clothes in the car. Family is being so nice and Nelson just LOVES the attention (and gifts!) DH was on call today so I took them on a tour of our city. (I use that term loosely..LOL 15K people) We went out to lunch at a restaurant in the marina district that has THE BEST seafood! (Oh, found out they eat shrimp). We swam in the pool and then grilled out tonight. I am exhausted and just chilling by the computer while they watch a movie (that's in Arabic). I was 228 this morning! But I was really dehydrated yesterday with the trip, so I hesitate to change my ticker. I tweaked my frikkin knee today again at the beach!!! Darnit and it was almost completely healed. urrrrrggghhhh! Janet~ OMG OMG OMG.. I cannot believe someone was in your house! WOW.. that would freak me out! When I was in college and staying at my folks one weekend while they were out of the country, I came home and while I was getting ready for bed I heard the door slam. Lights were on and papers on the desk were scattered. Called the police but nothing was stolen. The next day I broke out with canker sores on 90% of my mouth! It is so stressful. Glad you got the alarm and extra locks. yikes! Great~ Sounds like you are doing so good with your knee. Sorry to hear about the dizzy stuff and pain at night. really proud of you though. IYSOY~ the reunion sounded fun! Glad you planned ahead and did good. Isn't that the best? Apples~ Glad you had fun at the wedding! You guys are actually making me envious of the snow! It was 95 today and sooo humid! pumpkin pie is one of my all time favs. Do you make it from scratch or use can pumpkin? SIL brought us 5 boxes of arabic sweets. In her defense she did not know of my surgery and they are my DH's absolute favs. I told him after they leave they are going in the trash. Baklava, candied dried fruit and sesame Cookies. The Baklava calories... 350 cal a piece!!! 22 grams of fat!!! Maybe I can freeze some snack bags for him. But still, I just cannot have that stuff around. So dangerous for me. Feeling scattered just trying to type this post. Think it's time for bed. First I have to unload dishwasher and fold a couple loads of laundry. peasout to my lbt friends~~~ Laura

Hi guys~ Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. It really does help knowing that so many of my LBT friends are thinking of me and my family. It just sucks. My dad hit the acceptance phase of his diagnosis really really early. (but like many I think he will bounce around those stages as it sinks in) I think it's b/c he was frustrated for so long without a diagnosis. He is usually ULTRA private with everything, but decided to call all the key people in his life and share the not so great news. One of his best friends, the local city attorney, came over as soon as dad called him. He has been over every day since. It's funny b/c normally my dad would not tolerate this but mom said he looks forward to his visit. My Dad is ready to fight this. He is seeking multiple oncologists' opinions and is willing to travel wherever the best treatment is. It seems MDAnderson is one of THE places to go. We did a formal "referral" and will wait to see if he could be accepted into one of their newest studies. My mom is a mess. Dad made he start taking some of his paxil. I made her call her dr and see if HE wanted her on it, and he called in a Rx. I was going to fly up Monday and Dad said he didn't want me to right now. : ( He said he has so many people visiting right now and so many calls to make and answer, that he doesn't want to be so busy when I come up. I hear what he is saying. His first oncology appt is Friday though. I think I want to make it for that. DH will be taking SIL and nephew to New Orleans for a couple days and it will be an easy time to leave the house. I know many of you have been through this before with loved ones going through cancer. It really is such a helpless feeling. I feel myself not knowing what to do with myself. It took me an hour to put up a load of laundry last night. I would go to put something up and then forget what I was doing and get started with something else. I switch between confusion, anger and tears. My dad has always been the most PROACTIVE health seeker. He would go have 4 executive physicals a year (when only one was recommended). He liked to see if they would all have the same results. Any and all tests that were recommended he would do. He has been so active- exercising every day; eating healthy and keeping his mind busy- even though he retired a while ago, he's been busy with his foundation and other investments, as well as the traveling that they enjoyed. 6 months ago he passed his coast guard captains license! Dad was in class with 21 year old kids! SIGH SIGH SIGH. I am down a couple more pounds. I was 210 or so when I got married, so a bit more to go for that goal. Although DH says I look hotter even than when we got married! LOL. I think it's b/c he has been looking at such a fat A$$ for a few years, that now anything but that looks good! LOL. :tt2: The house is set. I am having a hard time planning the meals. SIL is a PICKY eater- doesn't eat seafood (which we eat 4 x a week), doesn't like spicy. BUT we are used to having to cook something else b/c Nelson doesn't touch seafood. So will be doing a lot of surf and turf meals. In the past I admit that I would spend a lot of time planning and preparing meals. I really really really don't care this time. food is not my thing these days. DH suggested we eat out tonight, which is just as well. SIL never opens a menu when she comes to the US. She sits and waits for DH to ask her what she wants and make a suggestion. She is used to being taken care of. DH got someone to take his call today so he can go to Miami to pick them up with me. awwww. so sweet. The international terminal at the Miami airport is a ZOOOOOOO! My mind isn't working well, so hi to everyone. Great, glad you are doing so well. Phyl, nice to hear you got to see your GGs. Apples, the menus sound great and I LOVE the organization :thumbup:. Meredith, hope the house goes through. thanks for the hug, i felt it all the way in FL! Janet, WTG on back to goal. So proud of you. If your~ thanks for your words of encouragement. peasout friends~ Laura

Hey guys. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. For all the thoughts and prayers. Thanks Apples for the call. Your cheerful voice and previous experience with this type of cancer makes me feel less alone with this, really. I guess I have been so blessed never having to deal with a really sick loved one. I have never had family or friend die of cancer. It isn't something I know how to do and I am feeling very overwhelmed. And then when I feel overwhelmed, I feel GUILTY for having my own pity party and think about my parents and wonder how they are getting through their day! They had an appt with the urologist that did his last cystoscopy and admission. Dad wanted to see his face when he hears that he had to travel all the way to Baltimore to get a REAL dr to find a REAL diagnosis. I am not sure if they are still there, or they are home and don't feel like answering the phone. I had a bunch of things I wanted to do today. But when I looked at my list, they all seemed so irrelevant and unimportant. And combined with the fact that my face is all red and splotchy from crying, and people would just stare at me and I would probably start crying in the middle of the store and then have to deal with people thinking I was an escaped mental patient, just decided not to go. I just need a day to wallow I guess. Tomorrow I have my Brazilian girls coming to do a last once over of the house, will add all the linens and go do grocery shopping. And then Saturday Nelson and I will drive 2 hrs to Miami to pick them up. DH is on call and can't leave town. <taking a deep cleansing breath> Tried to eat a piece of cinnamon toast this morning with my coffee. It's something my mom always made me when I didn't feel good, or didn't feel like eating. Slice of white bread, melted butter and sugar. Ate half of it and then got stuck... Iron fist. Didn't PB but didn't eat or drink anything for 3 hrs. Now just had a Protein shake and feel better. It was so weird that something that used to make me feel so much better, REALLY made me feel worse than I was already feeling. I decided to send my Dad a text, I just don't want to bug him on the phone all the time. Maybe it's best for them to call me when they feel like talking. Who knows how he's feeling today. I don't know that I would want to talk to anyone. Thanks everyone. Laura

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Been crying all last night and through the night. My parents called around 9pm, the Johns Hopkins dr had insisted the guys do a stat read on the PET scan, given the situation. When he called them he said, "I am so sorry to give you this news but it lit up like a Christmas tree." Also, the most recent urine cytology showed urothelial carcinoma, high grade. (which is usually bladder or ureter cancer). It has spread to kidney, lungs, liver, bone and something else- can't remember. It's inoperable, but does have some good treatments- chemo and immunotherapy (? spelling). They want Dad to go to the oncologist up there for consult but come home for the treatment. I want them to have some time to let it sink in. After they go for the consult, I will go up there. Maybe the best plan is to plan on going for long weekends- only 1 hr flight. The prognosis is unknown until they see the oncologist, but from my research it doesn't look good at all. I am still very confused and angry why 2 major medical centers completely missed the diagnosis. The more I know about my own field, the less confidence I have in the health care system in the U.S. Holy shit. And you know what? My parents were planning a huge party this Christmas. Dec 14 is their 50th wedding anniversary! 55 years since they met! I know my Dad too well and he won't want it now. He doesn't even want anyone outside of family to know. Thanks guys for listening to me... and for being there for me.. and for praying for us. As I type this the tears are flowing. This sucks big time. peas.