cramerk

Well, today I had 762 calories with 71 grams of protein, not bad. More than yesterday. I'm heading to bed, tired grouchy,etc. See you all tomorrow,

Okay, where is everyone????

Made it through the day, but may not have a job tomorrow...my 'favorite' student felt it was acceptable to 'play' with another boy's hair. Now 1st I must mention that this 'favorite' IS a 7th grader and he uses this behavior to intimidate the other boys. So when I called him on it, his response was 'I didn't touch him' (yeah right) so I put my hand in his face (I know stupid!!!, but I had my fill of him for this year), well I miss judged the distance and made contact with his nose. It was very light, but by the time he gets home it will be that I 'punched' him in the nose. What was I thinking? Then he was suppose to complete some pre-lab questions to get a 'ticket' into the lab, but he was missing a key step. I told him so, and his response 'I read the lab 3 times and it didn't say anything else'. I said that everyone else read it and that maybe he should go read it a 4th time. His response, 'I must have a different paper than everyone else, because mine doesn't have it and I have a 9th grade reading ability.' My even stupider reply was, 'well you must not have a 9th grade reading ability because otherwise you would have read it. His response, 'That was sarcastic', my response, 'yep your right'. Damn I hate myself right now. My attitude and what I said was totally outside of what I believe in. I really owe this kid an appology and it is going to kill me to have to do it. In my defence, althought I don't deserve one, is that this is the same kid who 'mooned' the class and his parents got him out of consequences. Can I blame it on lack of food? Senility? End of the year bitching? grrrr, will someone just slap me HARD it would be less painful. Okay, now that I have spilled my guts, on to more important questions???? So I seem to be one of the lapband people who is tight in the morning and not in the evening. Doris, the doubter, made an appearance today and said, 'Naturally you will be loose in the evening when you are the hungriest. Does this go away? When I hit the sweet-spot, will I have restriction in the evening? How can you get another fill, if you are so tight in the morning that it is hard for liquids to go down, to get some restriction at night? Today's food was a protein smoothie, lunch was some about 1/2 c of watery oatmeal, dinner???? I know that I need protein in the morning to get the engine fired up and protein laced oatmeal has fit the bill until my fill (ohhh, I rhymed). Why can't I be tight in the evening. I don't really like to eat in the morning, bad habit that I am working to break, but I REALLY love eating at night. So what do I do now??? My stomach growled all afternoon. I'm not getting in enough water in. I usually drink most of my water in the morning and early afternoon. Okay, I am sorry that I seem to be needing a lot of TLC, and am not really giving my fair share of support to everyone else. Karri, go for the charter school job and screw the public school. They'd cut you without a second thought, you don't owe them anything. If you really need to think about it, write up a pros & cons list. I work more than one job, but I could never work 2 teaching jobs. Would you do both justice. Is the money REALLY worth it?? Ruby, loosening your band would allow you to eat protein, which will keep you full longer. I totally understand your concerns about being so loose that you could eat anything. My favorite lunch is tuna, 1/2 avocado, mandarines, finally chopped celery and onion, and 1-2 tbles of light Miracle Whip. The avocado is high in calories, but it is good calories. This is something that I could eat when I was on mushies. Sometimes I don't use the Miracle Whip. It depends on my calorie total for the day. The amount and size of the celery and onion is dependent upon if I am at a mushie or solid phase. Give it a try, I find if very filling and it sticks with me for a long time. I am not a huge fan of tuna, but it isn't real fishy. CALL YOUR DOCTOR!! Talk to them. Plan your food for the day. Plan you snacks. Write it down. Stephanie always says 'You are worth it!!' Guess what Ruby, YOUR ARE WORTH IT!! Believe it. Read the book, The Secret, Steph recommended it and I took it with me on my trip to Tijuana to get my band. I had to travel alone, and the book gave me support I needed. Call us if you need us. I'll send you my phone number via a private message. I think I have substituted LBT for food. It is all you guys fault. I'll stop for now, Survivor is on. Yep I am a closet Survivor addict. Don't tell anyone.

Okay ladies, you all must be living the life of leisure, still in bed. Okay, not all of you, I imagine Karri is already at work. this darn LBT is starting to make me almost late for work. I 'have' to be there at 7:30, but I usually get there before 7:00, but lately I don't get there until a few minutes before 7:30. I feel much better today since I was able to get some calories in last night. I even went to quilting, I haven't been lately, there is always some ooey, gooey desert. Last night it was lemon cream pie, didn't even think about having any. Had it been chocolate, I might have had a taste of chocolate... well actually not. Today I woke up skinny, okay not skinny, but less fat. I imagine it is because I didn't get my water quota in yesterday, but I could actually 'find' my ribs. They still have insulation on them, but at least I could find them. You guys need to tell me about this 'farming thing', I could get into that. Maybe you shouldn't until school is out. I suppose I best go and get ready, can't think of a thing to wear, to warm for jeans, too cold for a skirt. Plus there is the leg hair issue. Since I don't have someone to snuggle with, other than Miss Molly my doxi, I need the leg hair for insulation. Probably could braid the stuff and start a new fashion trend. Hummm, how grossed out I could make 7th graders... I'm out of here, chat to you all later.

I finally got some 'food' down. Managed to 'eat' 1/2 cup of watery oatmeal without pain. Have gotten 2 emails back from Chris, the fill doc in kalispell that I am going to next time. He is offering me Saturday fills if I can't make it in during the week. He also wanted me to know that he is available anytime if I have questions. He also talked about my postfill diet, saying what you all did, take it slow and don't push the solids. He did ask me what I thought about Dr. Rohrer and I told him, but I also said to take what I said with a grain of salt in that I was pretty nervous. Chris said he appreciated my honesty and looked forward to working with me. I'll only need a couple of days notice for a fill appointment. See you all tomorrow!

Should be here during school, but my students were crappy for the sub and now I ticked off. I have a 4cc band and the doctor put in 1.5 cc. Today I was able to 'eat' 3 spoons of watery oatmeal (breakfast) and about 1 ounce of a protein drink (lunch). I am sure that I have swelling yesterday after the overfill & puke at the dr. office.

Sorry Steph, I don't have a wii, my kids would love one, but it isn't in the budget right now. I have a DDR, which is Dance Revolution, a dance game that hooks up to the Sega. I am waiting for restriction. I haven't eaten anything this morning, I figured that I would be tight this morning. But so far no. I'm just drinking coffee right now and will try some watery oatmeal in a little bit. You all have a great day,

Oh, I forgot to say...I got a 1.5 cc fill.

Well ladies I'm back...let's just say, 'that was an experience'. First, it is a 4 hour drive, Steph, I know you do more than that all the time, but if I hadn't had Elyse with me to drive the 4 hours home, I wouldn't have made it. Dr. Rohrer's personel are fabulous, the receptionist even got me directions for my favorite quilt shop. (I didn't know the way because I don't drive it when my summer quilt at the lake group goes in July). The doctor himself, left much to be desired. I arrived early because I knew that there would be paper work, however, after an hour in which patients who came in after me (4 of them) were given fills I finally was called back. I was given the line...'well since I didn't do your band, I don't know exactly where your port is, there is a good chance I will hit the tubing instead of the port. Oh, and you have the old style band that NO ONE uses anymore and it is going to take many more adjustments to get it right. Dr. Ortiz must have bought a bunch of them CHEAP.' Yeah right, like you remember 'exactly' where you put everyone's port. I can easily find my port, but the doctor 'dug' around for several minutes before I even got a shot of novacaine. Then the water test...'you're not drinking fast enough.' That worked great, let's just stick an ice pick in my chest while we are at it. 'Must have over filled you, I'll take some out, you know with these old bands it is tough to put in just the right amount.' At this point I get to guzzle another full cup of water, who knows if I have enough of a fill or to much, I didn't really care. At least the nurse was nice enough to hand me a puke pan when part of the first cup came back. A kleenex to wipe away the tears streaming down my face would have been nice. Okay, I probably am being over dramatic, but I was irritated in paying $200 for the doctor to be very cold. I don't plan on going back unless I have to. I figure with the cost of gas and the cost of the fill AND the 8 hour drive it isn't worth it. There is a lapbander that recommended Chris Rost in Kalispell so I emailed him. He emailed be back saying he would gladly take me as a fill patient, and that if I pay cash, they will give me a discount. Kalispell is about 2 1/2 hours and the cost with the cash discount would be $135.For that cost and convience I don't care if they are jerks, actually Chris' email was very warm and welcoming. Dr. Rohrer didn't even go over post-fill diet or what to look for should problems arise, of course I didn't ask either, so that is my fault. Anyway, the good news, I broke 220 pounds (with clothes on)!! So I have officially lost 36 pounds, not bad for 2 months. I will take it and be proud AND I wouldn't have made it with out you all. So some stupid questions.. 1. I know I need liquids for a couple of days, but should I do mushies after? 2. Dr. did say I have to stop eating after 20 minutes, but if I have a reasonable portion, can I finish it in a couple of hours? I eat VERY slowly during dinner. Mainly because I know I'm tired and have a tendancy to not chew enough, so I am extra careful with bite size and chewing. 3. When do you know you should have an adjustment? The nurse said I should have come in 3 weeks ago. I know I have been struggling lately, but I figured it was stress and head-hunger. Ladies, sorry about the long post and I appreciate your time in reading it. Okay, Karri, I'm with you on the students, I don't think I like them right now.

Finally got home about 7:30 tonight, bleck.. anyway food good today because i didn't have time to eat. my calories for the day are about 500 actually probably closer to 400. I haven't had time to eat dinner yet. I finally had the lapband epiphany today: Did you really go into debt to the tune of $7500 to eat crap. There where several times today that I was starving, but drank the water, waited, resisted. I am back on track. I know...I'm a slow learner. I head to Great Falls tomorrow for my 1st fill. I'll need to leave here at about 6 am. Nervous.... But Doris is quiet. Ruby, you can do what you need to!! We are here to help! Best go and get dinner and a shower. You all have a good evening.

Hope you all had a great mother's day!!! Yep Steph, my girls did pamper me when I got home. Elyse and Alexa made me a 'spa package'. A bottle of wine, and a whole selection of home made body scubs and oils. AND a 'gift certificate' for a home spa day, including an herbal wrap. They also got me the cutest indoor garden bag with little garden tools and hand balm for the dried out scaley hands. We are trying new healthy meals, so Elyse made cabbage rolls; uncooked cabbage leaves with dijon mustard, guyova (sp) cheese and herbs. VERY tasty. I didn't get home till almost 6 even though we close at 4. People just ignored the closed sign, which I don't mind if they are popping in for a quick emergency gift. But a whole bunch of them just wanted to wander and talk about trees, etc. I really wanted to shout, HEY I'm a mom too and I would like to get home to spend some time with my kids. I'm tired and sore, 2 days of running and lifting has taken its' tole. Any my daughter from Idaho came up, didn't get to see her much, and her and Alexa Rounduped the driveway, weeded the flower beds, stained the boards for the privacy fence, and cleaned the fish pond. My koi are now happy as a clam, one is almost 8 inches long, and I bought him when he was just 2 inches. It has great so great to know I don't have to do those jobs. Both Elyse and Alexa have big exams today, so they mainly had their noses buried in studying. Elyse has her Anatomy & Physiology exam, Alexa has her AP biology exam. They both are stressed out. Go to get my fill tomorrow. I did 'chat' with a lady who goes to a fill dr. in Kalispel, they give her a cash discount so it only costs $135 instead of the $200 that I will be paying at Dr. Rohrers, so now I'm wondering...Great Falls or Kalispell. I will stick with Great Falls this time, and if I don't like it I will go to kalispell. Well, I best go, managed to spend an hour on the computer this morning and now only have 1/2 hours to get ready for school. Oh well, chat later.

Thanks everyone, i probably won't be on this weekend, got to work. But just wanted to check in. Steph, get home safe,

Phil, we are one your your side. Look for another PS, talked to to your GP and see what she can do to help you find a PS that will take your insurance. Today was lapband hell. I know I asked for it when I had that rice crispy bar yesterday. I have been STARVING all day and couldn't find anything that would fill me up. I did stay with the right foods, but I just kept eating and eating. Even the 100 cal bag of popcorn on top of yogurt and granola still didn't fill me even when my band was saying, "Are you friggin kidding me!" The only thing that finally stopped me was when the popcorn expanded and felt like it was pushing on my band. PLEASE tell me one of you had this feeding frenzy and that you lived. I know it was out of control AND I know that it had the potential for damaging my band, but I couldn't stop. My stomach was actually still growling like I was hungry. I imagine it was growling because it was in pain. Okay, now that I have confessed to uncontrolled glutony, what do I do next time? I know that there will be a next time and Doris, the spawn of doubt, is SHOUTING...yep this proves that you can't do this. Fortunately I will be working my butt off this weekend, and the calories aren't as bad as they could have. But I am really disappointed and scared that I have lost the edge that has kept me in control. I know it is a life change, but yesterday showed me that I haven't really made a change. I know, I need to stuff Doris. I know I am high maintenance. So what do I do now?

Wow, I went back and read some of the old posts, only read some posts from Phyl and Janet, didn't run across anyone else. it was interesting to see you at the beginning. I need to go quiz elyse for he A&P test, chat later.

Okay, dinner was 1 baked piece of salmon and 1/4c pasta. I am nice and full. With the rice cripsy bar I am just barely over calories...but I must say, it really wasn't worth it, but I knew that before I ate it.

Did get some shopping done, bought some popcorn, yogurt (the flavor I like),etc. tonight is salmon with....haven't decided on the 'with' part. I know I should have veggies, but my broccoli over-kill from last night is still talking to me. I did great food wise today, oatmeal, yogurt with about 1/4 c granola, 1 small piece of jerky, my SF/FF coffee, 1 string cheese, and then...oh gosh the 'then' is going to get me SO slapped and ticketed...and probably kicked of the website...I tried, okay, I kindof tried. I was given a peanut butter rice crispy bar with chocolate (for teacher appreciation) ,,,now you must know they are one of my all time favorites, thats why I NEVER make them. I looked for Alexa and couldn't find her. Then I did it, I took one bite, okay I figured, one bite and then I'll give it to Alexa when she comes in from work. And now you know the rest of the story...

Steph, thanks for the reminder about string cheese and yogurt, I had/have both in the refrigerator and didn't think about it. Sometimes I think early alzheimers is setting in. Asked my nursery boss TWICE if the seniors could borrow some potted shrubs for graduation. Fortuanately she said yes TWICE. Then reminded me that she had already said yes TWICE. Will work the whole weekend at the nursery since it is Mother's day. bummer, but they are both big sales day, so it will be bonus. You all probably won't hear from me over the weekend. Jamie, the PA daughter, is coming up to get a start on the prep for graduation. She and Alexa will be cleaning the pond, there are koi in there, but you can't see them for the green water. They also will pick up the boards, and stain them, for the privacy fence that blew down this winter. I wish I could be home to spend some time with her, but ... Well today is midterm...wuhoooooooooooo. Probably will stay at work late to get those dang Biome projects graded. Karri, glad the DH apologized. Does he know who he is dealing with? AND does he know who your friends are? I suppose I best get busy,, need to eat that lovely oatmeal... Once school is out, I am going to find a breakfast that I actually like, but oatmeal is the easiest right now. You all have a great day. Oh and Steph, they do grow up....and then you'll be saying, 'Wait, I wasn't ready'. However, until then Michael's job is to test, test, test. People always say...'You'll laugh about this some day.' Yeah right, I'm still waiting, actually I can 'smile' about it. So in a few years, I am sure I will be laughing.

Steamed broccoli with some shredded cheese for dinner. Borring... I wanted a casadea (sp) but no tortillas in the house, probably a good thing. calories are 950, so okay.

Well just got done doing a power walk for 40 minutes. Did a great job of protein today, over 90 grams. Calories are around 700 so far and need to find dinner yet. I just don't really have anything worth eating in the house. I have been crazy and school and getting my pond order together for the nursery. So I will browse the the freezer and see if there is a Lean Cuisine lurking in the bottom. I KNOW better, I don't even have any fruit or veggies. I am going to get some popcorn, that will help with the snacks. My biggest problem is that when I get home and done walking, I don't feel like cooking. Weekend cooking isn't an option. Both of the girls are just as crazy, Elyse is studying for finals and Alexa is studying for her biology and english AP exams. So Alexa had Dino nuggets, Elyse had a bowl of cereal and I don't know what I'm going to have.... Peaches, thank you for sharing your list. I think this is a wonderful list to print out and put in the kitchen, near snacks. I am going too. Has anyone heard for Stephanie? Okay, best go find some Healthy Food.. I am not in the mood for anything, my old habit when I get this this would be B&J's Coffee Heath ice cream, but don't worry, I WON'T be having ice cream.

Steph, take the heart to ? pulmonary pump, when you can get them. Alexa ALWAYS thinks the best time for a heart to heart is around midnight. I am sure it is because she knows I am weakened. I'm a day person, she is a night person. I have been there when Alexa was in 6th - 8th grade and it is a killer. Let me mention the time that I came home early and found a boy sneaking out the back door and jumping the fence. The idiot broke the fence... this is one of many. Today, she is a sweet (okay aspertaine) young lady. I remind myself daily that she acts this way with me because she knows she has my unconditional love AND the person she really is, is the one that she shows everyone else. Alexa has complete empathy for anyone OUTSIDE of family. But she has a solid door inplace between her and I. I also know that the only time that she hangs around me is when she wants something. But she is a solid student with strong religious beliefs, did I mention that she originally wanted to be a youth pastor, who will accomplish great things, Michael will too. You can see his kindness in his eyes, he will find his way and do well. Yes he may take a few (okay, maybe a lot) of detours along the way, but in the end he will be okay. Karri, I just shake my head, you have great committment. I could force my way through one marathon if a gun was held to my head, but to commit to a second within days of the first? Food was okay yesterday, just over 1200 cals. I know, it needs to be closer to 1000. I need to figure something out. I bought a different brand of SF jello and it was like chewing on rubber. I should have gotten the clue when it was solid at room temperature. bleck. I have terrible munchies at school, it is midterms, and one of my lovely children thought maying paper clips into arrows, complete with 'feathers', would be the best use of his time. Knowing how to calculate percent was unimportant. The jewel refused to give it up since, and I quote, 'Do you know how long it took me to make that'. Yes, I do, I have been watching you the entire time that we were practicing percents. At least fake it a little better, get out the notebook and a writing instrument and pretend. Duh,,,that way I can 'pretend' that I didn't notice that you were constructing a projectile. Well best get ready for work. It is Wednesday!!! and I only have to grade that stack of Biome projects. I'll come up for air in a week or four.

Okay, I'm back. I misread the serving size & calories on the FF 1/2 & 1/2 AGAIN. It is 20 calories for 2 tbles..so my coffee wasn't as bad as I thought. the SF syrup has 0 calories. So my thermos had 100 calories all together. I can live with that. It is better than my Cafe Vienna for 70 cals. per serving, and I NEVER have one serving. So I can have 2 carrots for dinner.

WOW!! is all I can say. I all knew you were my 'lapband' family, but now I realize you are my real family. Thank you, please note the tears staining the page. It helped to vent and you made everything better by listening to me AND being there AND....damn, just everything. I have a tendancy to think I am 'the only one'. But now I know I am not, feel free to slap me when I forget. This page will be bookmarked for when I let myself spiral down into the abyse and need a reminder that I'm not alone. Karri, you are so strong!! I don't know that I could have made it through your growing up. Fortunately, my parents were usually to drunk to do anything other than ignore us or just verbally put us down. I know my mother puts me down so that she can control me. I thought I had 'forgiven' my mother so I could live without 'regrets'. But all I did was bury everything and let it control me. I need to take control... I need to practice telling my mother to back off so that next time I can stick up for myself. It may not happen the next time, but I will work on it so that eventually I tell her to knock it off. Thank you all again. Steph I am fine, spend the evening with Michael, he needs the 'mom' time. As I said, I am better AND I know that I can call WHENEVER I need it. Janet, I have followed orders and am logging my plate. Yesterday was right on track, today is good. HOWEVER, did you know that FF 1/2 & 1/2 is 35 calories per tablespoon! I read the label and saw the 35 calories and ASSUMED (well you know what they say about assume) that it was per 1/2 cup, like skim milk. WELL to lower my 'coffee' calories I bought some coffee grounds, SF flavoring and the 1/2 & 1/2 and made a thermos of coffee for work. So when I made the thermos I put in 2/3 c of FF 1/2 & 1/2 and 1/3 c SF flavor. Can you imagine what the calories ended up being..... well I don't know yet, I haven't had the nerve to figure it out yet. I may have to have 1 carrot for dinner. I'll let you all know when I get back on LBT. NDPrairie... I am a newbie, I have only had my band for 5 weeks, but this IS the best group on LBT. Everyone here will hold you up when you need it, slap you when you need it, and care unconditionally all the time. Post frequently, read frequently and start again to take control of your life. Basic questions..when was the last time you had a fill? Are you journaling your food and exercise? (dailyplate works for me) Walking? Regarding the meds, I had a total hysterectomy in 2000, lost everything including my cervix, instant menopause. I have had great success with the estraderm patch. I am also on a generic version of Lexapro. Also roasted soy nuts and soymilk help with menopause. Talk to your doctor about your med options. Stay active in the group. You CAN take control!! These ladies will help you!! I must say, I love you all (note the tears again).

Thanks Janet & Kari, for kicking my butt and understanding. I have always had self-esteem issues. It goes way back to things that happened when I was a kid. An example: My mother felt the need to tell me when I was 13 that if abortion would have been the 'thing' I wouldn't be here. Last year she told me that I would be better off dead. That being said, you are right, this is their problem and I need to let it go. I will never please my mother and the other stuff that happened when growing up I can't change, so live with it and move on. I did go on dailyplate and logged my food. I looked over my old 'plates' and realized that I wasn't being proactive. I will always be a snacker when I am stressed, so I need to make sure that I always have healthy low cal snacks. I haven't had SF jello in the house for a while, so I went and bought them and SF pudding. Bought some SF coffee flavorings and FF 1/2 & 1/2. I want to know how it can be 1/2 & 1/2 when it is FF. This should help me reduce my calories. I did walk for an hour, don't know how far, but it was at my usual pace, so it should be about 3 mi. Have to grade a heap of papers, midterms are on Thursday and I am WAY behind. Steph, fill us in on your doctor appointment. I changed my fill appointment to Tuesday next week so Elyse can go with me in case things go sideways.

I know Janet, I shouldn't be eating this crap, my food has always been emotional eating. I need to go back to listing my food on dailyplate and walking. I need to walk. I will through in 20 more minutes for my ticket. I will deal with the home stuff. My kids will help, I shouldn't complain, no excuse. As I said, just a pity party. Probably the bigest stressor for my daughters graduation party is that their dad will be here. He enjoys rubbing my face in the fact that I am a loser. Also, he always is nagging my girls that they are over weight. Actually they are not, but he knows that it is another way to get to me. Which again is my fault, I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. Steph, good luck at the doctors, make sure that you follow orders!! Karri, here is positive thoughts that your fill goes well. Chis, enjoy your vacation.

Great job Karri!!!! You are our inspiration!! Just got home from work at the nursery. Got the fish pond running and 4 water features done. Loaded 4 yards of bark, moved 2 pallets of soil pep, dang I love big machinery. Only bummer was that it decided to down pour and hail. Came home soaked to the bone and cold. Just took a hot shower and am drinking a lovely cup of cafe vienna snuggled under blankets!! Food was good today. I hate how when I am doing school stuff I am always hungry, but when I am working outside I actually have to think about eating. Had oatmeal for breakfast, tuna, avocado salad for lunch, atkins 130 cal protein bar for snack and did splurge and had a small italian soda at work. During the month of May we give our customers free expresso or italian sodas as a thank you. I worked all the calories off, I never sat down except when running the loader, and was running from place to place or moving heavy stuff. AND it was a bonus day, so there will be a little extra in the ol' paycheck!! Karri will be able to eat ANYTHING she wants for dinner!! I need to think about that, humm, run your butt off for 5 hours then you can have desert. I may have to consider that, NOT! What I need to do is get my lard a-- off the couch and walk. I need to quit thinking about school. Just realized I have only 3 more weekends to get the house and yard ready for Alexa's graduation party. Unfortunately i will be working every weekend. Somehow I need to find the time to finish stringing the wire for the fence that goes around my acre, rebuild the privacy fence that blew down this winter so that we don't have to watch the back neighbor sunbathe in the nude, put the trim up in the room that I put laminate in 1 1/2 yrs ago, plant all my pots, weed the yard, redress the bark areas (not small by any means), clean the fish pond and repot all the water plants, shampoo carpets, spray Roundup on the driveway, mow the lawn, refence the dog yard, .... Sorry, just got carried away. Now I think I am really depressed. I just don't see how I will get it done. Normally I wouldn't care, but my siblings will be here and they all have perfect lives, with perfect spouses, and perfect way too much money. And I am always considered the 'loser' child, too fat, too many kids, too poor, too lazy, too many pets, too everything negative. I really wish they wouldn't bother to come. They will just drive up in the motor homes that cost more than my house with their Harley's and look down their noses at me. I shouldn't post this, it is too negative. I guess I am having a pity party. this time of year always does that to me, I get too tired working 3 jobs. I dream of the day that I could sit on my deck drinking ice tea, working on a quilt. I have never done that. Once the housing market goes back up, I think I will sell my place and buy a small condo. I bought the place so the kids could have their dogs, lame I know. Dang, I am really having a pity party. I would love to stop and smell my roses some day.