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Phyl, get those antidepressents, they are like the band, a tool not a fix. My family has a strong history of depression & it is hereditery. I have been on them for about 15 years, probably could have been on them since I was 10 years old. I was always the sad, sullen faced child, could have been that my parents were alcholics and I grew up in the back seat of the car behind the bars, even during Montana winters. Oh, well, you must move on. Phyl, I was looking at your before pics and I can't even fathom that it was you. I know it is frustrating, I am only starting my 4th month and I am frustrated. But you are a different person. I love your smile and you ALWAYS light up my day. Besides, without you I wouldn't have this Farm Town addiction. I am feeling down today as well, had to have dinner with the 'fellow teachers' and admin. and I just hated it. It wasn't even that they were all eating fries and drinking beer, it was just that I didn't want to be there. I guess I don't play well with others, and I can handle a lot of people for a while, but I have been in workshops today that had over 400 people and I was on people overload. Janet has been nagging me to record my calories, I am back in control so todays cals were just under 700. I will have an Atkins protein bar and either some jerky or some grapes for a snack. I am going to try popcorn when I get home, I haven't tried that yet. You would be proud of me for dinner tonight. I ordered a steak sandwich and had them substitute the bread, fries, and slaw for green beans. As soon as my meal arrived I cut off about 1/4 cup and gave the rest to someone else. So dinner was 1/4 c steak and about 1/3 cup green beans with a few slices of carrots. I took tiny bites and chewed. It took me longer to eat my meal than everyone else who had entire dinners. But it felt good. I miss the 'full' feeling, but at least it was solid protein. I probably could have eaten more, but I decided it was best to stop while I was ahead. I want to have a FF Skinny latte tomorrow, so I'm kind of banking a few calories for that. I hope stephanie made it to helena safe last night. I haven't heard from her. Called my dad last night for Father's Day. His voice sounded stronger, but I guess his back is really bothering him. Being 6'5" and working in the mines all his life has really taken a tole on his back. Actually, I am worried that the cancer has spread to his bones. I tried to talk him into going to an osteo dr., but he said he is tired of doctors and I won't mention my worries to him. Oh well, man, I am teary tonight. I shouldn't have come on this workshop. I am over tired and really unhappy. chat latter

Hello ladies, quick stop in before heading to my next workshop session. I am here with teacher's from my school, but no one I am fond of. Steph, Pam is here from Cutbank, and Susan H. is here from W. Yellowstone. Rather than lunch I came back to the dorm after a walk and had a protein bar and some grapes. BFwas about 1/2 c of cottage cheese, fruit and 1 scrambles egg. I'll have to look at cal. I still have a hard time eating solids, so I probably go for a unfill in July. I'm game for most anything...best get going, k

Well, best get busy, I have a little time before going to work, can I get packed for a week in 1 hour? Good question? Would appreciate any imput on the weight loss 'holding pattern'? Too tight? probably, Ate the wrong foods at Canyon Ferry? Schmirnoff, Not exerciseing enough? Walked 13.5 mi with Steph. So is this it??? Destined to be fat all my life?

Well, I finally stepped on the scale, need I remind you that I hate scales? Anyway, good news, I didn't gain, bad news, I didn't lose. So somehow I need to get it together. I am hoping that I actually gained and then lost, otherwise it means that I am in a holding pattern. I don't think I can eat much less, which means I need to get more exercise. Janet, when & what is our next challenge? Five pounds for those of us who need to lose and holding for those at maintenance? I will probably be out of touch for today and possibly tomorrow. If the university doesn't have wi-fi, it will be until Friday. Catchya later.

Late night and not much done. Got most of the bills paid, and working on laundry. The friends who I pay bills for while they teach in China, dropped by at about 9:30. So I didn't get much else done, Tomorrow is going to be crazy. Need to finish paying bills, do laundry, pack, work until 3pm then run home, shower, and be on the road by 5pm. Right now I don't know how I am going to get it all done... Yard work will have to wait until I'm back from Bozeman. I'm fried AND hungry, so I best get going to bed.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH, a lucky 7 tattoo sounds fabulous!!! We will have to work on the design. Alexa & Elyse, DD#5, #4 are great artists, so I will have them get to work on it. Then we can personalize it with out dates and and what ever else we want. I know I want something with my 5 girls, I was thinking 5 little ladybugs, and possibly a rose, since I grow roses, and maybe a koi since I have akoi pond. Food good today, worked my tail off at work. Had trouble eating because I was tight. So, Protein smoothie, 100 cal yogurt, chicken salad, and now salmon for dinner, will have a FF fudgesicle later. I haven't weighted in almost 2 weeks, I'm afraid to get on the scale. I think I might have gained and I know it will depress me, and you all know I am a depression eater. So, I need to get the guts to weigh in the morning. :biggrin:

Dang, lost my post... Short version. Have to work today, quilting friends going to quilt show without me, bummed. May not get to have our quilting week at the lake this year, cabin needs rewired. Stuggling with being hungry, need to eat solid protein. Steph have fun..

Phyll, I won't be able to go to Canada this year, I need to save money for our cruise. I would love to go to Canada, but not this year. I need to work and need to get over to be with my dad for a while. I know my mom will drive me nuts, but dad isn't getting better and can't travel. We hope he is with us for a couple more years, but I don't think that is going to happen. He is only 74, but the heart issues and lung cancer is taking control. We have gotten him into a drug study that has shown promise, so who knows. Thanks for thinking of me.

Candice, I don't know if you will get this, but have you had Twig checked out by the vet? Maybe he has something going on health wise. I know that kidney failure can cause unusual behavior. just a thought. Linda, yep, I'm a teacher of 7th & 8th graders, science and math. Next year I will be teaching 6th & 7th grade science, not real thrilled that I don't have the math, but it will work out. I have 5 daughters, 32 to 19. The 'baby' graduated this year so I will have an empty nest next year. DD #1 is a lawyer in Syracuse and is married to a personal trainer, DD#2 is a PA at the Heart Institute in Idaho Falls and her 'significant other' since 8th grade (do you think they will EVER get married?) is a soil conservationist for BLM, DD#3 is a computer graphic designer working at Block Buster in Chicago, who's husband decided he was too young to be married, so they are in the middle of deciding what to do, DD#4 is going to school for ultrasound, and DD#5 is going to go into computer game design. I have been divorced for 15 years. So Linda i think that about covers it, except the 3 doxies, Jordan, Simon, & Molly, and the cat Bailey. Janet, food was good today, BF-protein smoothie, L-chicken salad with lots of celery, D-probably more chicken salad, snack-FF fudge bar. Water good as well!!! Lubed & cleaned up my bike and went for a ride, not real long since it has been about 10 years since I really road it. I'm amazed I remembered how to do it, and I forgot how much I enjoyed it. I am taking my bike to my workshop next week, so I will be able to go for a ride after sitting all day. My principal also is bringing her bike so I will have someone to ride with. Iced coffee...my favorite any season. I have a fabulous ice spiced coffe recipe that I need to figure out a low cal version. But I do indulge in a skinny, SF hazelnug latte at Starbucks about once a month, medium!! It is a splurge. Trying to get laundry done for next week. Elyse is doing well after her wisdom teeth. But even with the ice packs, the cheeks are starting enlarge greatly, poor thing. Well ladies, I made a decision...I am getting a tattoo when I finish loosing weight. I know that is a long way away, but figured I need to make a statement to myself. I know, I would be better off doing something else, but damn, I'm doing it!!

Thanks Steph, it's nice to know that Mark was interested, but I am learning to accept that maybe he wasn't. I hadn't realized that I DIDN'T want to be alone forever until this week. I have always told myself that 'alone' is best for me. That I was not 'looking' for a relationship because of my girls. I am beginning to think that it was a cop-out. I am learning to accept myself, but I also have a long way to go. I'm sure that my mom had a lot to do with it. But no excuses. It is time to take charge of my life and to figure out what I want. The band was my first step, now it is time to work on the others. Thanks for being there EVERYONE. I have never had girl-friends like you all, that will slap me when I need it and lift me up when I need it, but also, will hold my hand and hunker down in the trenches with me if needed. You all are fabulous...Okay enough of the pity party, today is the take charge day. On the agenda, grease and lube my bike, go for a ride, laundry, find the kitchen & my bedroom, go to school for a bit, pay bills...so busy day.

Connie, I aim for around 1000 per day. But some banders will go into starvation mode and will stop loosing, so they up their calories. The biggest thing is to make sure you add an exercise component. The other ladies will probably have better advice than I.

No janet, I am tight, but I can't get to get an unfill for a couple of weeks. But mainly I was just tired. I was going to make chicken salad, which I can eat even if I'm tight, but today I'm just exhausted. figure i'll get to be at a decent hour and sleep in and then get some exercise tomorrow. Going to clean up my bike and go for a ride in the morning. i think it will get my blood flowing.

Janet, I know, I was too tired to cook and I needed to make a protein drink for Elyse. I have no excuse. I usually do cook. I guess i got out of the habit of cooking at the workshop. tomorrow will be a better day, I deserved the slap.

Have been a total slug today after getting home. Did get some curriculum work done, but not much else. Had a Protein smoothie for dinner, I should say WAY too much Protein Drink. Lost control on that one. I usually have make it in my Magic Bullet, but it was dirty so I used the regular blender....well, and the rest is history, won't make that mistake again. The only good thing is that I am in my calorie range. Connie, I forgot to mention, that I also was self-pay and went to TJ on my own. Once I got to the clinic, I quickly connected up with other patients and had a good time. The only time I felt uncomfortable was coming back through the border, but I'm not much of a traveler, so this was a new experience for me. I was dropped off on the MX side of the border and had to walk through with all your belongings, so pack light if you go alone. Also, as Janet said, line up your fill doctor before you go. The MX dr.'s office should be able to give you a list of fill doctors in your area. Not all doctor's will fill patients that don't 'belong' to them. I have a fill dr, about 4 hours away from me and went to him for my first fill. I won't be going back, but I have found a doctor closer who I like.

Connie, welcome. I had my surgery with Dr. Ortiz in MX this March, so although I am a newbie, I get to hang out with all these vintage ladies. I am also 50, so don't let that worry you. So far I have lost 47 pounds and doing pretty good. Candice, sorry about the baby, but it sounds like she will be in good hands, so TRY not to worry too much. Janet, you are always right. But we also know I have an obsessive personality. Linda, go beat back those weeds, once you get them pulled, but some PREEN on your beds. It is a 'pre-emergent' that stops seeds from germinating. It really helps keep the weeds under control, however, don't use it if you have flowers that you want to re-seed. Although I have used it on a bed that had California poppies, and it didn't seem to stop them much, good thing I like them. DH came through surgery well, it only took 20 min, but she always wakes up crying after anesthesia and it just breaks my heart. Stopped and got her a shake and some meds, so now she is in a ice packed loratab daze in the recliner. Well, it is nap time. I'm sure I will check in later, can we say obsession....

Janet, thanks for the words of wisdom. You are absolutely right! I guess I'm more worried about being alone this fall than I thought. Thanks again, for knowing just what to say to put things into perspective, that's why I love you. 99% of the time I love being alone, it is just once in a while that I get lonely or should a say a little 'randy'. I know TMI. Steph should be home this evening, then I guess she has a motorcycle rally, I bet she makes a 'hot' biker chick, then she drives BACK to Helena for next week. She showed me her drive from Plentywood to Helena on Google Earth, my gosh, she could put a stick in the steeringwheel and take a nap and would still stay on the road. I don't know how she does it. But I am not a fan of a destination road trip, I don't have the patience. Now a good meandering road trip with frequent quilt store shops will put me in heaven. Going to do some major cleaning, okay minor cleaning today after we get back from the oral surgeon. Elyse will be drugged out for the day, so I should get a few things done. But I do have a nap scheduled. This week at the workshop were late nights and early mornings. Functioned on about 5 hours a sleep a night, I am more of a 7 hour sleeper to be happy. Catch you all later after Elyse's surgery.

Too my DD to dinner at her favorite place, HuHot. Its mongolian, where you select everything raw and then they stirfry. I had chunks of tuna with a few noodles and lots of veggies. Bummed because I could only eat about 5 bites of the tuna and they don't let you take home left overs. It was very tasty. Had about 3 bites of cake to celebrate, couldn't even eat that without it sticking. I wasn't tight when I was at the lake. Then we went shopping. My shorts were so big :sneaky: that they kept falling off, so I needed to buy a pair to be in Bozeman next week for a week long workshop on Behavior management. I bought a size 18!! Still huge, but at least it wasn't a 26!!!! I am refusing to step on the scale until next week, I may have walked over 10 miles while i was with Steph, but I hade Smirknoff every night and a smore one night. I know if I get on the scale and it shows a gain, I will be more depressed than I already am. If it shows a loss, I will use it as an excuse to eat more. I don't need any of either. I did meet a really nice gentleman, but despite Steph's and the ENTIRE workshop group, he just wasn't that into me. They planned everything so that him and I ended up at the fire pit almost alone, we did have a great visit and we have a lot in common. Unfortunately, he didn't even say goodbye :wink:. Oh, well, that's what I get for taking a risk. Needless to say, I feel pretty down. I had about a day that I felt young, thinner, and even pretty. But who am I kidding, I'm old, fat, and plain. Okay, having a pity party. I have been really careful not to put myself in a position to be rejected for the last 15 years and I'm not handling it too well. Had a good time with Steph, miss her already. She has so much energy and humor, and just down right fun. I wish we lived closer. I really could use a good friend close by after the girls leave. Sorry, I guess I'm WAY down, I realized that I wasn't careful to take my depression med these last few day. Oh well. Sleep well!

Janet & Karri, you both look lovely. Denise I have been there, one of my daughters earned the requirement that she could not be without adult supervision for 1 month. This was when she was in middle school. Fortunately, it was during school so that took care of most of the time, but any other time she had to be with an adult. Fortunately I had a couple of friends that could 'babysit' her when I had to be gone in the evening. but I do remember that it happened during 'Open House' at the school and she had to come an sit in my room all evening. Man she hated it. That aside, your DS needs to know that you are really disappointed that you can't trust him any more, and that he will have to earn that trust back. Also let him know that you aren't sure how long that will take. Another daughter was a total follower with not the best group of friends. Don't get into forbidding the friends, it doesn't work, but I did not let her go to the friends house. Her friend was ALWAYS welcome at our house. ANOTHER daughter (when you have 5, there isn't to much they didn't try) told me she was as her friends, and told her friends mom they were at my house. I always made a practice of calling them when they stayed at someone's house just to see if they 'needed' anything (reality, random checks). Well, the other mom and I went cruising for them, pretty embarrassing. Let's just say I had the cleanest carpets and walls, nothing better than 'slave' labor as a consequence. Sorry to rattle on so much. Steph is a slave driver, she dragged my butt on a 7.5 mi walk tonight. The first 2 miles where up hill. We made it in 2.5 hours, not bad for me since I haven't had much opportunity to do much exercise. I will be glad to get home tomorrow, it is the baby's 19th birthday, so we are going out to eat. Early Thursday, Elyse has her wisdom teeth out, Saturday & Sunday I have to work, and then Sunday I have to head to Bozeman for a Behavior workshop. I'll be there through Friday, so don't know how much posting I'll get done. Phyl so glad you are flying!! AND so glad that you are taking charge of your care. Get those lovely joints fixed up so that you can dance next year when we are on our cruise!!!!

Hello ladies... I'm hanging in there.. food okay...who knew salad was a slider food. This week has been the first time I ate salad and man did I eat salad. Unfortunately the green stuff also had on it a fabulous creamy onion dressing. I figured okay, it is salad....hum...don't worry about the dressing because you won't be able to eat very much of it. Next thing I knew it was all gone. So I asked Steph about it, that's when I learned it was a slider. How can it be a slider when you ate protein first. So today it willl be mainly protein drinks. Yesterday will go down in history as a diary of foods you shouldn't eat. I'll admit to some major stress here. I can't seem to get my head around writting the math lesson. I do it all the time at home, but I guess that since it will be published, my writing phobia has taken over the driver seat. I have offered bribes to the leaders, Steph included, to get them to write it for me, I have no takers. You all have a good day.

Candice, Poptarts!!!! How much protein is in that one?? Ladies, Only one page since Friday????? We are having a good time, but man, are the slave drivers. 7 am to 9:15 pm??? Steph and I went for a 3 mile walk last night. Excluding the adult beverage, food is good.

Well I forgot to weigh yesterday and I am at Canyon Ferry for the next 5 days, so I will have to go with the 5 pounds that I posted on Tuesday. I would like to believe it is more, but hey, I'm happy with the 5. So Janet, who won?

I AM DONE WITH STUDENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally the ALMOST last day of school. Students are gone, although it wasn't a pretty day. Started when a took away a finely crafted dart blower. This students had been building them for 3 days and I have taken them away for 3 days. Today he informed me that he felt it was inappropriate that I too his (quote) dart blower away and that he was going to talk to the principal about it. so I picked up the phone and make him an appointment with the principal and sent him on his way. Later another student was taken away in handcuffs by the police because of doing something. My 'favorite' student was escorted around the building by the principal to get signed out. It only took 5 hours for him to get into enough trouble to be removed from my class. The final glory was a student 'masterbating' a swimming pool noodle on the playground. Now I could understand all this if I was teaching at an inner city school. But this is Florence MT for crying out loud. When are we going to say that being in the classroom is a priviledge and if you can't follow the rules, get the hell out. But there were also some really fine moments. A student brought me a bouquet of spring flowers she picked from her mom's yard. Another brought me a basket of chocolate. They all know a adore chocolate. One of my challenging girls told me I was her favorite teacher in 7th grade. One of the boys gave me a big hug. Damn, I'm going to miss those buggers. It pisses me off that most of the year I was so wrapped up with discipline issues that I don't feel like I got to know the rest of the kids. I have my room cleaned and packed up. I've signed out for the summer, I just have to go and 'spend' the contracted time tomorrow. My principal is letting me leave at noon to get to the math workshop instead of staying until 2 pm. Food was excellent today. I managed to give a lot of the chocolate away. There are 2 Snickers bars in the freezer along with a giant Hersey's with almonds. But I know if I even have a bite I'm a gonner. And guess what...I'm so close to the 50 pound mark and don't want to mess that up, so the chocolate isn't even whispering to me. I am almost half way there. Phyl, I'm so sorry. I'm with Candice, I don't know how they can say you are a surgical risk. I think they just heard the pounds and said no way. Make an appointment and talk to the dr. Get the presurgery cardio tests and see if you really are a risk. Talk to the doctor. This HAS to work out. But I understand how hard it is to have doors slammed in your face. I had many doors slammed in the 6 months before I got my band. But Steph kept saying that this was going to happen...and it did. So we are here to say, 'don't give up'. Now, I don't know what your finances are, but I am assuming from listening to you that your retirement is comfortable. So other than Earl going balistic, can you afford the surgery? If so, go for the surgery and if medicare won't pay for it, live with it. What...are they going to put all the extra skin back on? Phyl, your quality of life is what matters, the rest is bs. I guess after accepting that my father only has a short time to live and all the things he didn't do, has made me believe that life is to short to be miserable. Would you be more mobile with the surgery. Would you be able to get rid of your scooter and have the knee surgery? If so, to hell with Earl and everyone else, GET THE PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phyl, I don't mean to slam your DH, but you are family and when you hurt, we hurt. So I appologize if I have been disrespectful.

Steph, can't wait to see you!!! Phyl, fabulous idea about the medicare!!!! Last day of school with students. I have my room about 75% clean, hopefully will finish today. Principal is letting us take care of all our check out paperwork today even though we have to go back on Friday. Friday's schedule so far....Bicycle safety for 45 min in the am. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! The some speaker. grrrrr. Oh well, it will be good for us. RIGHT... Need to pack tonight and then bait the grasshoppers. I already have tons in the yard and they are hungry. Koi pond has finally settled the algae from the spring bloom. I have 6 beauties and on of the is about 8 inches long. I love to watch them come up to eat. Workshop with Steph for 5 days, I don't know if the will have wifi, I hope so. I am sure Steph will keep me on the straight and narrow. Chatted with mom last night and dad has been put into a medical trial for a new cancer medicine. Basically it is a vaccine that has show some promise. He as a 2 out of 3 chance of getting the medicine, so pray that he does. This is his only option left for treatment. He can not have another round of chemo or radiation. He is still incredibly weak and can't walk without a walker and can only walk a small distance before he has to sit down. Imagine this 6'5" guy on a walker, breaks my heart. He has always been this giant of a man, now he looks so frail. I just pray that he gets a year of feeling good before he goes. Suppose I best get going, need to find something to wear. chat when I get home. You all have a great day, Steph drive safe.

Finally home... Thanks Steph for the kind words, I just feel like this year has been so negative. I easily fall into the griping all the time. But is has been crazy, with my father's health, the OPI work (what was I thinking when I got involved with 3 OPI curriculums in one year), my DD#3 move to Chicago and then finding out her husband is cheating on her (which means she is getting a divorce), the baby's graduation, and my 'favorite' student. This is the first year I have felt completely fried. However, on a good note: I met my fabulous mentor (Steph), got my lapband, lost 47 pounds (can you believe it, almost 50!!), met even more fabulous people (my lapband family), my baby willow that was a twig when I planted it 3 years ago is now tall enough that I can sit in the shade next to my Koi pond and drink beverages. I have many things to be grateful for and naturally you all are at the top of my list. I had a good food day, my mantra held. I am still struggling with some low blood sugar, but once I get an unfill that should get better. Unfortunately it probably won't be before the end of June to get to the doc. I'll survive. I still can't believe I lost 47 pounds, that is almost one of those hugh dog food bags!!!! Karri, enjoy your break. Janet, send your sister her part of the bill. Candice, think of cleaning as exercise. I hate cleaning myself, but I bribe myself and I do love an organized house. But I'd rather do yard work over house work. Linda, I will have an empty house next fall. I am not sure how I will do, I know that I will have to be carefull not to become a hermit and sink into depression. Steph, I should be able to 'sneak' out of school a little early on friday, my principal said I could. So I should be there in time for dinner.

I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stepped on the scale...today's weight 208!! Had a fabulous BM this morning (I know TMI) and was wearing shorts.... My starting weight was 213, so if I do my math right, I lost the 5 pounds!!!!