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Janet, I couldn't have done the pics without you, THANK YOU!! Janet, Karri, thank you for your kind words. When I look in the mirror, I don't see a decent, middle aged broad. I have always seen fat. I can say, I think I have nice eyes, but that is about it. I do need to work on the self-esteem, AND saying 'thank you' without a derogatory comment about myself. So........'Thank you," now I close my mouth. Miss Molly thought going potty at 4 am was a good idea, wouldn't mind, but when I took her out to go potty at bed time, she wouldn't go. This week is going to be a little crazy. Are celebrating one of my quilting buddy's 71st birthday tonight. This lady is amazing. She works as an aide in our library AND runs a before & after school daycare, cooks the kids a full breakfast every morning, has homemade cookies for after school, has an incredible yard, quilts, scrapbooks, has 5 married successful sons, and is a real friend. She constantly reminds me to groom and be a lady. Wednesday, my sister and her DH are stopping by on their way to an RV rally. Hopefully Thursday I can be a slug. It will be a challenge to get my walks in, but that is non-negotionable. Phyl, it sounds like you are ready to tango. I can't remember, but do you need to have the other knee done? Or will you be ready for your PS as soon as you heal? Just think how quickly the rest of the weight will come off when you are mobile. Before long you will have a 'For Sale' sign on that scooter. Actually, keep the scooter, one of us may need it! Well, it looks like tuna boy did take one look at the pics and say, "oh, hell no". But you know, that's okay. You all gave me such positive comments, even my own children said I 'looked sexy', that I'm glad I did it. First pics that I have allowed to be taken for years. I usually hide out when the school does 'staff' pics. I know...'shut up'. Well, I suppose I should get busy. It is going to be one of those fall days, cold in the morning and in the 70's for the afternoon. How do you dress for that???? Have a good Tuesday, and ladies, you all are the most beautiful people I know. I can't wait till we all can get together and have fun. Even though $$ is tight, I'm socking away a little every month so next time I can go. Just let me know if we are going out of the country, I don't have a passport.

Last pic from today.

Here are my: before pic 3/30/09 today 9/7/09 The rest are pics in my yard and on my little deck (which I built myself) that DD#4 took today.

[/url]Okay, got one pic to load. My DD#4 took this this afternoon. I have before pics & matching today pics, but can't get them to load

Candice, you look like you had a blast.

Okay, is ANYONE going to tell me how to put in pics???

Just had the most fabulous dinner. A pork loin with a spicy rub, sweet potatoes w/ SF maple syrup, & broccoli slaw. Probably ate to much, but I don't care, it was the first real piece of meat that I have been able to eat without sticking. Probably about 4 oz of pork, couple a tbles of sweet potatoe, and about 1/3 c of slaw. yummmmmy!!

There are before and current pics on facebook.

Okay, no pics unless someone tells me how!

Okay got the pictures but can't load them, give me instructions....

OMGosh, I just received a reply from the tuna guy...and now have moved through all the steps and begun open communication.... I still haven't uploaded that picture, have to groom up. I know he will take on look at it and go.."Oh hell no!" Why should it matter????? It is the self-esteem thing, I don't have any! But IF I load the picture, I'll put a before and now one on for you guys. My only request....You have to be brutially honest. Do I look 85, am I as fat as an hog ready for slaughter, am I an elephant with all that saggy skin? Okay enough of the animal analogies. It has been 13 years since I really talked to a male...what do you say? "Hey, how's fishing? Catch any dolphins lately?"

Phyl, congrat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are awesome. You have dogged determination, I love that!!! I hope when I get to 'goal', what ever that is, I will have your strength to keep eating like I should. Janet, DD#3 is 28, but her husband is 25 or 26, I'm not sure. They met in Hawaii while she was going to school and he was stationed at the Navy yard. I thing part of their problem is that he was transfered to Chicago and he hates it. Also, while they were in Hawaii, he was deployed over half of the marriage. He also was young. I think he is unhappy with life and has grown up and doesn't know what he wants in life. So hopefully she will find her way and then they can make a decision about whether they should be together. Well, done with my mending so I better get going on my walk. It is chilly here also, windy and in the high 50's.

Denise, yes we do have 'step' raises. But mine are very small because I do not have a master's degree. I have a BS + 200, but only 15 are in an approved master's degree. I love to take science courses, but really not interested in more education courses, some of them are so lame. Actually one of the reasons I don't have a masters is that I got into an argument with a prof in an education grad class. The class was lame and he was teach 'Project Wild' material wrong. Well I'm a certified Project Wild instructor and I had to open my big mouth. Anyway, he turned out to be my advisor for my grad course of study. He refused to write the plan and to give his approval. I could go somewhere else, but I decided that feeding my kids was probably a better choice and that I really didn't want a grad degree that was lame. STUPID I know. We do get a 5% raise this year, we negotiated it 3 years ago, but it will be the last in a long time with the economy. I'm hoping to retire in the next 15 years, 10 if I can, so I can't justify a master's degree. Karri, good job on the workout. I hope you have a good time on the 3Day, I'm jealous. I so wanted to go. I'm too woosie to hit people up for money. Got most of my school work done, so today I hope to quilt. I'm still on the search for good earth science activities. OOHH, I forgot to mention I got a 'nudge' on eharmany requesting my picture. Now that is the problem, I don't have one. So today, I'm going to 'groom up' and have DD#4 take a few. The gentleman would make a perfect relationship. He is a captain on a tuna boat and out at sea for 3 months at a time. MY type of guy, around only part of the time. The only thing is he can't stand people who are overweight, so that may be a deal breaker. He'll take one look at my pic and head for the hills, which is okay, because anyone who is hung up on weight isn't worth my time. But it is fun to play with. Well, have been up since 5 am, Miss Molly decided she had to go potty. So I'm almost done with my first cup of coffee, and playing on the computer. Hey I can still take a nap!

Janet, so far so good, DD#3 has NOT turned back. We talked about trust and how she needs to pursue this career opportunity (1st job in her field) and that just because she is back in MT, doesn't mean she has to eliminate husband from her life. IF he is serious he can prove it. So who knows.

Okay, finally settled for my 'day' of school work. Now it seems to be a short 1/2 day of school work. Slept in, talked DD#3 through some issues (she's driving home from Chicago, naturally the soon-to-be-ex has changed his mind about dumping her and wants her to turn around and come home), walked, bought groceries, put dinner in the crockpot, made lunch. So now it is 2:00 and I'm JUST settling in to work. grrr.

Steph, look at that ticker, whohooo, you are almost at your goal. Janet, if you get bored you could come wash and muck out my car. Check out the ticker. Not too long before I'm in the 70's!!!!!!!! Don't know how that will feel, it has been SOOO long!!! Natually, as I get settled into a maintance weight, I'm going to be asking tons of questions. Dr. Ortiz said that a good weight would be in the middle 60's, I don't know or really care. I figure I will just see what happens. Naturally now that I'm getting closer, I worry about "Can you REALLY' keep it off? Well today is school work day. Need to take the puppies for their walk. Janet, the water exercise would be fabulous for the puppies. Are you telling me you have a pool??? My sister had one when they lived in Riverside, CA, she said that the maintance was a pain. TTFN, you all have a good day!!

I have a water doxi!!! Took the puppies down to the river. We figured since Jordan jumped in my koi pond he might like it. He LOVED IT, swam after balls, played in the sand had a blast. Simon and Molly, not so much. Molly would swim if I pulled her in, but was shivery. Simon, thought the world was coming to an end. Next time we go, we'll take pics so you all can see the swimming doxi. I don't know what I'm going to do about the mortgage. I'm with you Janet, I hear of all these stories of people who bought way out of their budget and the mortgage companies work with them. I bought the lowest priced house I could find. There was ONE house that fit my budget, still my payments are $1100 a month. I will see what happens when I get my paycheck and we will see. If I can't make it, I guess I'll tell them to come and kick me out. Maybe that will be enough to get them to give a little. There are 3 houses on my circle for sale that have been listed for over 2 years. Property values here are crazy. It cost $178,000 for my acre and 1300 sq ft house including the garage. The acre was a knap weed heaven. Knap weed is our local invasive weed that is pretty darn impossible to kill. The only thing that eats it is goats and some sheep, it is toxic to other animals. I don't know what my house would be appraised at now. I did get a notice from the county that my taxes were going up because the value of the house is now $183,000. I'm assuming the taxible value is lower than the retail value. When I bought my house, most houses would be on the market for only a week or so before it sold. So I guess we will see. I would love to find a much smaller lot, maybe the size of a regular city lot and build a small 2 story farm style house. But that's not going to happen. Got my walk in, I'm going to drive it and see exactly how long it is. TTFN

Good morning ladies. Slept in today, it was great. Hope to go for my walk WITHOUT incident. Food was okay yesterday, since I didn't eat dinner, and was up late, I got hungry. Had some yogurt and Kashi. Better than what I really wanted, chocolate. DD#3 is on her way home from Chicago. She is the one whose husband was the Navy boy and decided that he didn't want to be married anymore. She has a new job in Billings as a computer graphic designer for a sign company. She will be living with her dad and step-mom for a little while until she gets on her feet. Today is going to be devoted to cleaning and laundry, Sunday will be school work and hopefully Monday quilting. We will see how that works. Janet, thanks for the kind words. I just really hate feeling like I am out of control. I can live with having to sell my house if I have to. I just hope I can find a small place in town here so I can still own my house and not have far to drive to work. We will see what shakes out. I'll know more after payday. Have a good day!

I admit, I missed it. they look great, but damn you always do. I think I hate you, but only with love. Went to town and burned some plastic. It seems one of the few things I can eat is Costco canned chicken. Picked up a few other things, and went to Ross. I don't have enough clothes to make the school week, so I burned some more plastic and got a skirt for $10 and a shirt for $10. Ahh hell, since I'm using plastic I might as well get a new bra. Actually DD#5 paid for the things at Costco, I said I'd pay her back, but she is refusing to take it. So now I at least have 4 outfits for school, if it gets cool enough I can make it for 5 days. But then I won't be able to wear my tank tops, so that drops me down to...oh who cares, at least I'm not as fat as I was, I'll take not having any clothes to wear. DD#4 bought everyone ice cream at Cold Stone creamery. I had about 4 bites and was full. Actually, didn't really enjoy it, too rich and too guilty. Had a hamburger patty for lunch and 3 french fries. Got stuck on the hamburger. At least I can eat tilapia. Had watermelon for dinner, figured I blew the cals for the day and need to behave. Didn't get my walk in today after all the ruckas. I'm still pissed. But at least Jordan is safe. I think I going to start carrying a spray bottle of vinegar, see how the roaming dogs like that. If Jordan had been hurt, I would have sent them the bill. well, I guess i should take my bitchy self to the shower and then to bed.

Now I'm totally, irrivocably pissed. Figured I'd go for a walk to work out some of the 'poor me's', about a quarter mile into the walk, some neighbor had its dog unleased in their yard. It came over and attacked Jordan, Doxi #1. After getting mauled over, Jordan jerked the leash out of my hand and booked it around the circle. Fortunately he came home. Jordan is fine, but scared, cut up my hand. One neighbor said it was the 'funniest thing they had seen'. Hey, how about grabbing the retractable leash that was bouncing behind Jordan, scaring him even more. I guess that is what type of people there are in the world. Ones who think it is funny to see a scared dog. So that ended the walk, now I guess I'll walk alone, which I hate. I'm done, I can't eat, I can do anything right. Can't even walk my dog. What is the point.

Janet, Glad you posted. Hang in there, it won't be easy to do the funeral home thing.

Phyl, I wish I could help. Yep Janet, you just can't tease and then not show up. Now you are making us nervous...are YOU OKAY! If we don't hear something soon we are going to sic Karri on you. Just checking out my checkbook balance. After scrimping saving...I'm still short $150 for my house payment that's due next week. I have talked to the mortgage co. and I can defer the payment, but it must be made up in 3-4 months AND it costs $50 a month in fees. I have to live off the credit card until Sept 20. Now it is going to take me a year to pay it off. So much for living....and there is a point to this? Yep, I'm poor, stupid, and incompetent. Fifty years old and can't pay bills. I hate life, I hate everything. Now my sister and her big ass motor home is coming on Wednesday. That should make me feel really competent.

Linda, I have the Dutch as well! Anyone in your family named Carlson? or Crosmer? The Crosmer was actually von Grosmer, but the german capital G looked like a C so it ended up as Crosmer. My mother and DD#1 are into the geneology thing. But I'm not. I have a hard enough time figuring out my fathers 11 siblings, let alone the older ones. I'm tired, I ended up pucking up my meds last night, so had to retake them. Evidently didn't puke all the sleeping meds, because now I'm groggy. Janet, where's the pics...you are keeping us in suspense.... What did you have "puffed, depuffed, tucked, smoothed?

You know, I am so sick and tired of being stuck. The only thing I don't stick is breakfast. Everyother meal is a fight. Dinner is the worst. I'm sure it is because I try to eat meat, but sometimes it just seems like too much work. I can see why people gain weight with the lapband. You get tired of fighting your food. Chicken, I stick, pork chop, I stick, steak it is as 50/50 proposition. Even the most tender meat...I stick. I know I'm just a grumbling. I know it is not really that big of a thing. I just get tired of having to really think about my food. But that is what helps up keep the portions under control, thinking & planning. Kari, I still can't figure out how you can eat poptarts.