cramerk

Denise, you are doing the right things with DS...your way or the highway, Good Job!! Do the spy program, it is one more thing that he can 'earn' back while he regains your trust. Candice, whoop, whoop.!!!!!! You are getting there!! Well best get going, I've sat here for an hour. I have decided to try the Bcomplex/amino acid shots for a couple of months. I've only lost 3 pounds in the last month and the stress is really starting to kick in. I know my abdominal bloat is related, but I'm tired of walking around like the hunchback of Norterdom. Imagine ice pick under the right shoulder blade. Stress or my gall bladder is acting up. Oh hell no!!

Candice...ABSOLUTELY THE MOST GORGEOUS DRESS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!! Phyl, my only request is that we schedule a quilt shop! I had a good Open House..some of my last years students stopped by to give me a hug and say how good I looked. Today I actually felt pretty. Also one of my last year's parents had heard that I got a band...someone talked, great..I really didn't want to go into. I've told 2 people at school. Anyway, I guess she just got her band and had her first fill this week. She it really frustrated because she has only lost a total of 13 pounds. We talked about getting on lbt, but it seems her biggest issue is drinking while she eats. I guess that's the difference between self pay and insurance pay (hey don't yell, I'm only speaking for myself). Since I am paying for ig myself, I'll be damned if I am going to drink while I eat. I have a monthly reminded.

Good Morning.... Got a 'test run' on my paycheck for this school year. Taking into consideration that I have to pay off my credit card that I used to live off this month (it will take about a year) AND paying off the loan from DD#5 (it will take 3 months) I will have $527 to live off each month. That will have to cover groceries, gas, gym membership, kenneling if I go anywhere, hopefully a new shirt every month since only my sleeveless tops fit. Now I have to decided if I should keep my dental insurance. It costs $72 a month. That's $860ish a year. My dental coverage is decent, it pays about 90% of yearly checkups and cleanings, but only 50% of any work such as fillings, etc. DD#5 will probably need her wisdom teeth out this year. So 50% of that will be $600ish, I guess I just answered my own question. Best get going, I don't know if I will be on tonight. I won't get home until after 8 pm and will need to shower, etc., get ready for Thursday. So if I don't check in, you all be safe. Tell Steph hi for me, someone better nag her and get her back on line. Phyl, by the time I get back you will probably be hiking mountains. You all have a safe day. TTFN

Candice, where's the picture. I know that I searched for months to find the perfect 'mother of the bride' dress. Especially since she decided to get married the first week in August and in the 'Oldest Luthren church' in Montana, let's just say there wasn't any air conditioning. Janet, I'm sorry about the hassles with the family. But I am with you whole heartedly, let his mom take care of it, or the police, which ever. Kari, loved the poem. I can so relate to it. Well I have agreed to the phone call. He is calling on Thursday night. But you are also right on the exercise, I never thought of that. You have to really trust someone to workout with them. maybe a hike or something. He rock climbs, anyway best get to bed, I'm tired, I guess 4:30 will do that to you, and tomorrow I won't get home until about 8:30. So no work out.

Janet, last year I almost quit, I would have if I could have afforded it. I was spiralling out of control. Phyl, sorry, I missed telling you how fabulous you are doing!!! Oh, yeah, I could do the Seatle thing!!

So, I have one gentleman that wants to call, one who wants to go out for sushi and to exercise. Real exercise, not what you are thinking. I know....I shouldn't be such a chicken, bockbock cluck cluck. Anyway, exercise was hard today. I seem to be frozen at weight again, figures. But this will pass, I'm sure...I am starting to feel overwhelmed. Just don't feel like I am keeping up. I had to bail on teaching the quilting class. I can't keep up with my science classes...and mom and dad, and kids, and exercise, and weight, and feeling like I'm bloated like a balloon. My intestines feel like they are going to explode. I haven't eaten anything different, but this is the 2nd time in a week that my guts hurt. I guess my stress is getting me. Open house tomorrow, Thursday, write a quiz and get ready for a sub because Friday we are taking the 6th graders on an all day long hike up a hell of a mountain. Last time I went, it took be 5 days to be able to walk again. It is a total of 15 miles. The trip down is killer, every step jars the knees. Oh well.

Morning ladies, I have been up since 4:30. I decided that IF I was actually going to get something done I better get up earlier. Now, how come when the kids were all at home, I could be up at 5:30, get me ready, get them ready, drive 20 minutes to work, leave at 4:30 and still get everything done? Now that it is just me, I can't seem to get it together. I haven't graded a paper yet, I'm flying by the seat of my pants... Well, I wasn't walking for an hour everyday??? Can I blame that? I have Open House on Wednesday. In the past it has always just been an hour, long enough to say "hello, nice to meet you, let me know if there is anything I can do." This year it is 2 hours long, which gives time to get cornered and asked, "How is my kid doing?" In which I would have to reply...."Hum...Who's your kid? Do I have them? I don't know how they're doing because I still haven't connected a name to a face and I don't have a clue what their name is...and...no I don't teach that human's evolved from monkey's, and Oh, Yeah, is your kid the one who brought the fish tank of tadpoles that are now dying in the back of my room?" Now other than that, Open House will be fun. Elementary is easy, 25 parents come in, say 'Hi', you show them some student work, sign them up to bring Snacks and send them on their way. High School, no problem, maybe 3 parents show up, and you spend the 2 hours working in your room, besides....you only have 60 parents to meet IF they came. Now if you are middle school, THEY ALL COME!! and want you to fix their adolescent kid. So 165 parents, double that if both parents come, let's not talk about if their grandparents come, and the 2 smaller siblings. "oh and remember you had Johnny's older sister 4 years ago". Ladies, remember, I work with kids because I am more comfortable with their age group...it's the adults that scare me. Well, I better go, if I am going to get up this early, I better not sit and drink coffee for 1 1/2 hours. Oh, that's how I use to do it....I never sat down. Have a good day. TTFN

Okay, i emailed him and said that I wasn't quite ready to have a meeting, I was honest and said that I was new at this and would understand if he wasn't interested in waiting. Also, that for the next week and a half I was crazy...NO THAT ISN'T A COP OUT!! I have Open house on Wednesday, meetings every night, DD#2 is coming for the weekend, and some time I need to go to Great Falls and pick up the Manx I found for my dad and meet mom in Bozeman. Somewhere in there I have to walk every day, actually grade a paper, find some lessons for my earth science class, Oh hell, I have no business looking at guys, I don't have time. Yep Janet, I was 50 in March, I actually was suppose to get my band on my 50th birthday, but my flight got canceled and didn't get it until the 31st. I have decided that I will meet him for coffee next weekend, my problem is that I don't know how to say 'thanks, but no thanks' if it doesn't mesh. Phyl...you are doing great. I will pray for your friend. It isn't easy..

Cluck,,cluck,,cluck..

Okay, ladies....I need some advise...one of the guys I have been 'chatting' with on my internet dating sight wants to meet. Oh hell...now what...I'm not ready to meet anyone....He is younger than I, he is only 47....oh crap...I don't know what to do. How do you say...."I'm interested, but....I'm not ready..."

Morning everyone. Has anyone heard how Steph did at the 3-Day? I guess I'll check out facebook and see if she has added anything. It's going to be a busy week, Open House on Wednesday night, there goes 2 hours....I figure I'll just stay at school and get some work done. I'm going to teach a beginners quilt class for our adult ed program, but I haven't gotten the description completed yet. Didn't seem to get as much done this weekend as I wanted. Did replace the kitchen faucet..what's up with who ever installed it, tightening the nuts so tight that you can't loosen them to get the old faucet out??? Dyed DD#4's hair, groceries, had coffee with a friend, and heck if I know what I did on Saturday? Got my walks in and that was about it. Well I need to go put dinner in the crockpot. Chat tonight.

Candice, it does drive me nuts when the goof up the pattern or fabric. Okay, I took your advice...I have been thinking positive thoughts...and...emailing several gentleman. One is a fireman, one is a rancher, one is a laborer, and one asked me if I was passionate...humm..I think I will close that one. I really wanted to say, 'I don't know you well enough to say I was passionate." AND he wanted me to email him directly, NOT.

Candice, I HATE YOU!! I love your blocks. Kari, I get Hancocks of Paduca, can we say....let me burn some plastic!!

Candice, I don't have to go to the library for The Secret, I own it...I haven't finished reading it, but I will go back and do that. I am always afraid to get my hopes up.... I have the instructions for a 'Barchello", but have been too woosie to try it. I want to see pic!!

Morning Ladies! Been up for a couple of hours drinking coffee. I need to get my butt in gear, get my walk, laundry, replace the kitchen faucet, rearrange furniture, buy groceries, fun stuff like that. Only 5 more days until payday!! Then I can start paying off bills, I hope anyway. DD#2 is coming up next weekend to go to a Griz game. We will puppy-site their lab, so I'll take her down to the river so she can go swimming. She loves that! Need to get my attitude back in line for school. Kindof grouched at the kids during the last period of class on Friday. They were just loud and obnoxious, I need to learn to let it go. Evidently the week took its tole and they were fed up with sitting. I don't blame them, I was fed up with school for the week also. I just need to remember to not take it personally. Got a email from a VERY handsome guy from my internet dating web site. Oh man, I could take him home. I know it won't go anywhere, but it is fun while it lasts. You always need to remember that what you see is not necessarily what you get. I am way too trusting. I figure since I don't lie, no one else does. But then again, I need to not take it personally when they 'close' communications. Oh well. I hope you all have a good day. Steph finishes her 3-Day today. I bet she had a blast. I'm pretty bummed that I couldn't go. that's life!

I spent most of my day on the internet looking for lessons...I need to get a life!! Food was good today, but I have been eating a lot more the last couple of day. I figure I will watch it for a week and then if it doesn't change I'll head over for a small fill. That or I'm just 'fattening up' for the winter. I seem to be hungry all the time. Oh well, that's life. Had a visit with my mother, my dad & I have been concerned about her memory. Today she did not remember that I was at their house 2 weeks ago. Even though I reminded her what we did, she still didn't rmember. I'm sure part of it is stress about dad, but I don't know what I should do about it. Anyway...it really stinks that Karri had to quit the 3-day. Was she not allowed to stay because she was injured or did she decide to go?

Phyl, I guess it is just you and me tonight. Everyone else must be out on hot dates. You at least have an excuse...humm, me, I don't seem to have one.

Where is everyone?

Oh Linda, what can I do to help? I'm here girl...did you get your antidepressents checked???? Okay do we need an intervention here? I'm worried about you. You can't go through life this way, you're not living. I have been there when I felt that everything exsisted around me but I seemed to be an observer to my own life. Are you sleeping? PLEASE GO TO THE DOCTOR!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ABOUT MEDICAL PERSONEL WHO NEVER GO TO THE DOCTOR. Okay, I'm done screaming. Thank you for the sweet comments. I don't feel like 50. Phyl, way to go!!! You are doing so great. Really frustrated with my control. I know it is stress. But I that is not an excuse. Janet, how do you do it everyday. You are always so focused, always so strong. Everything that I have learned and the control I had just seems to be lost...

Janet, you are SO organized!! I have never been to much into the picture thing. I use to be able to get an entire year of activities/holidays on one roll of 36. Fortunately, my children are much better. Yesterday I finally got in my 3+ miles. I felt like a bloated sheep. Did end up stopping 3 times to use the restroom. But this morning when I stepped on the scale it showed a 1/2 pound gain. I was SO hungry last night, I ended up having a bowl of blueberries and yogurt. I'm trying to tell myself that it was head hungries, but I just kept eating and didn't stop until bed time. I had about 300 extra calories...Okay...400. I assume it is stress, but WTF am I going to do about it. Last night was one of the first times I felt out of control. Hopefully the gain was a result of that bowl of blueberries & yogurt, otherwise, I am in trouble if I'm on a gaining cycle. It felt a lot like a TOM feeding frenzy and I haven't had one of those since my hysterectomy in 2000. This weekend I am going to try to get an extra walk in each day. Looking over the week of food, I did see some 'extra's' sneaking in. Tuesday had a 1/2 inch sliver of Huckleberry pie at friends birthday party. I removed all the whipcream. Tues & Wed, I only walked two miles each day. Saturday, I had 2 french fries dipped in melted cheese. Monday - Thursday, I had some broccoli slaw with sunflower seeds and dressing. I kept the dressing to a minimum, but the sunflower seeds are high in calories. So I guess if I look at it, I had about 1/2 pound worth of calories extra this week. I probably need to change up my exercise regeim (sp). I've been walking the same about for 6 weeks and I'm sure the body is getting use to it. I've been playing with making a weighted vest, some thing that will increase my mass to make me work harder. Payday, I'm going to join our local gym, the membership is very reasonalbe, only $25 a month, and no long term membership is required. It looks like a mechanic is going to take DD#4 dead Saturn. He is going to use it for parts. Giving DD#4 $175 for the tires and we will pull the battery. It is better than us having to pay to have it hauled aff. When they get done with the parts, they are going to send it off to have it dumped in the Pacific as reef building material. I kind of like that. Well best get going, everytime I close my eyes, I try to fall asleep, so if I don't get moving I will be asleep and miss school. Actually school is going well, the kids are bored, so am I. We are required to go over 'Procedures & Expectations', and at 45 min classes it is taking forever. Hopefully will get books checked out today, and get down to some fun science next week. I seem to be suffering from some ADHD, I just can't seem to focus and I'm hating sitting still to do paperwork or computer work. Sorry this post seems to be 'all about me'. I promise to be more other focused over the weekend. Janet, DD#1 has retained a lawyer to fight the unemployment block. She meets with the career councelor at Syracuse where she got her degree. Has lots of lawyer friends beating the bushes for a job. She would really like to get into environmental law, so maybe this is her chance. TTFN, I'm going to be late for work!

Oh, I so would be eating PB cups...do you put them in the freezer first? Then eat the chocolate off the sides??? Okay I having a virtual orgasm here. I am going to include chocolate and BJ's in my life once I'm skinnier. Just not the entire bag...or the entire pint. ButI need to learn control, I just don't want to live without those things. I did get my walk in, but man was it hard. Two days of only making 2 miles because of 'life' sure took it's tole. So what is Phyl up to? Got a phone call from DD#1 last night, she works as a lawyer for a large insurance company in New York. She is head of the legal department. Human Resources called her in and told her to leave the building immediately and not come back until she was called. Then she was called today and told that she was fired and that they were NOT going to discuss it AND block her ability to take unemployment. They NEVER told her why and she has gotten excellent evaluations and promotions over the 6 years she has worked there. Unfortunately this may make her unhireable. If she fights the unemployment that may also make her unhireable. so who knows what she is going to do. My heart breaks for her. Going to get something to eat, check in later.

Phyl, it is scarey when a panic attack hits. But you made it!!! We are all so proud of you. I'm sure that my self-esteem issues come from growing up poor white trash and growing up in a car behind a bar everynight while my parents got shit-faced. Mother's comments had a lot to do with it. But I need to let those go and live for the moment. with all of your understanding, I will get there. Notice I did not say 'may or should or hope'. I am taking charge. Janet, I come across as 'agressive' also. I understand that even my boss is afraid of me. What's up with that? I hate confrontation and will run in the opposite direction when possible. Well, I need to get going, hopefully will be home tonight. I haven't gotten a full walk in 2 days. So tonight, I need to get at least 3 miles. The last 2 days because of company etc. I have only gotten in 2 miles. TTFN Chat tonight!!

Sorry, my sister with her big ass motor home is here. Nope I didn't get upset about the self-esteem talk, I need it. I really would like to run away to somewhere else. Hang with some good people like you all. It is 10:30 and I still need to shower and get ready for tomorrow. So I best go, but I didn't want you to think I was upset. Just trying to do the family thing. DD#5 came out so it was great to hang with out with her. Love you all chat probably tomorrow night, the morning I'll be running late.

Steph, hang in there. Things are going to be alright!!! Give me a call when you get in. I can't remember if you get to Missoula on Wed or Thurs. My sister and DH are driving through today, so if it is today, I won't be able to meet up with you. If it is Thurs,,,I'm your woman. Denise...there is nothing I can say to make things better, other than you are in our prayers, and as Steph said, visit frequently, post often. While we are not there to help in person, you and yours will always be in our prayers. I think the rehab in a residential facility and counceling may be the way to go. You DS will be angry and 'hate' you for awhile, but he will be alive. No matter what choices our children/family make, we will always love them. But as a parent, we have to be careful not to 'enable' our children. This is coming from the Queen of Co-dependancy. Speaking of which there are some fabulous books out there on Co-dependancy. I read them when my life fell apart years ago. I will always deal with some of the issues, but they helped a lot. Which brings me to Janet...thank you for the websites, I am going to visit them today. Last night I was just too tired. I have always had self-esteem issues. Ninety-seven,,,okay,,, 75% of the time I can deal with it, okay... maybe 50%. There are tons of reasons, but that is no excuse. I have never been able to take a compliment with out making a reply that belittles myself. Which is pretty strange, since what goes on in my head is different. If someone complements my quilting, I'll point out the flaws, but in my head when I look at some other's quilting, I'll say, "I can do better than that." Notice I am only speaking about my skills, not my appearance. When I look in the mirror, I do see the troll, the warty hag, the hunchback of Norterdam. I hate to 'groom' up. Is it some hidden desire to make myself really be what I see? When I groom up, it is like literally wearing a mask. Yeah, I look good, but it isn't really me, it is the make-up, clothes, underneath it is still the warty hag. Who knows, I probably need intense psycho-therapy. Steph, drive safe... Phyl, I am amazed at how quickly you are healing. Prayer and determination are definitely at work. "You Go Girl!" Oh by the way...now that you are bionic, will you set off metal detectors? Kari, yep that good German stock does it every time!! We can survive a good hard winter, living off our fat stores, munching on skinny dead people if we have to. Janet, I love you. Can I come live with you!!! Your energy level would have me skinny in no time AND you would beat my self-esteem back into shape. I'm telling you, it's you and me babe and an RV, traveling the world. Two knock out gorgeous wemon (gosh can't even spell today) on the prowl, breaking men's hearts. To fund our nomad life style, you can sell insurance from the RV and I could sell quilts. Okay we need a name...The Traveling Vamps? Best go, have managed to stay with you all past my, "get you butt in gear' time.

Janet, thanks for the web sites, I'll check them out tonight. Yep, tuna man said 'oh, hell no' and 'closed communications', I am working not to take it personally. But I agree that the weight comment bothered me. Chat later tonight, I have a birthday party to head to. TTFN