cramerk

Thanks Phyl and Janet for the updates on Steph. It is a worrysome thing. Hopefully now Michael will get the help he needs and Steph can get some destress time. Been hungry all day, munched on jerky, probably too much. Cold weather always makes me hungry. I'm a hibernator, not a migrator. Fall and winter tell my body to fatten up and go to sleep. Trying to get some exercise in. Way behind in school. Suppose to have my lesson plans in on Friday, and they are still not done. Here is the condition of our schools today. This did not happen in my class, but it could happen to anyone. A student in one of our high school classes is spraying cologne in everyone's face. Teacher tells the kid to stop and to hand over the cologne, student refuses. Teacher reaches over to take the bottle away, and the kid grabs her arm. She is a little thing and he is pretty burley. Teacher grabs students wrist to remove his hand from hers. Kid jerks his arm away and the teacher's nails scratch the kid. Kid and parents have filed charges against teacher. Teacher is now on administrative leave and has a good chance of loosing her job. This could happen to anyone. The kid had no right to be spraying cologne in other's faces or to grab the teacher. It just makes me sad, a teacher's career will pretty much be over, even if charges are dropped. This was her first year of teaching. And I wonder why I'm still here.

Just lost my post, Jordan stepped on the mouse....computer mouse. Jackie, I think you have your answer. Do you really want to live with someone who makes your kids feel unwelcome enough that they aren't home unless you are? My answer came when the refrigerator door fell off and I asked for help. His response, "What do you expect me to do about it?" Needless to say I fixed the damn door by myself. Also when DD#4 was about 4 or 5, someone asked where we lived, she said, "Mom and I live in Ely, daddy lives at basketball." (He is a coach.) Okay, enough ex bashing. I don't want to do to school, I want to stay home in my snugglies and drink latte and read my new book, Dan Brown's Lost Symbols. I haven't even had time to start it. Well best get going. Need to go jab myself. Have a good day everyone!

Jackie, the pics are beautiful! I love them!!! On the DH issue, go with your heart. You'll know what is best and don't let anyone else tell you what to do. courtney is lucky to have you. She will make it, she is so committed. Right now I'd pretty much rip someone's liver out for some Ben & Jerry's Coffee Heath ice cream. Had BBQ'd ribs tonight. Probably high on the cals with the sauce, but I loved every bite. Then had about 1/8th of a c of veggies and a 1/4 slice of foccocia bread. This was one of those days that I needed REAL food. DD#4 and I did some aerobics. Only did about 1/2 hour, because she had to head into town for a date. Tomorrow we are going for a full hour. I joined the gym, but I don't really like it. I am going to go for the month a paid for, only $25, and then we will see. I'd rather spend the $$ on some exercise tapes and do them at home. Well need to get back to my lecture notes. You all have a good evening.

Hey, I have a CRV also!!! It is my dream car. It is paid off (although I have a lien on it for my band surgery) and it has 80,000 miles. It better last me until I die, because I won't be able to afford a new car, every. Sitting here writing lecture notes, bleck. DD#4 is out with the new bf, she just glows. This is so good for her confidence. Janet, glad you are home safe and sound. Family can be wierd. Mine is the strangest of all Well, best go get some dinner. TTFN

Phyl, this may seem forward, but are you interested in some clothes? I just got done going through my closet and I have a pile of 2X clothes. I have a couple of pair of Lane Bryant jeans that I only wore a few times. I think I have a couple of 3 Red triangle (Lane Bryant sizing guide) and a 4 red triangle. they are cut larger in the leg. But they are probably too big for you. Plus a whole lot of 2X knit shirts from Lane Bryant. If you are interested I could mail them to Florida. Or if any of you know of someone who could use some clothes? A lot of them I wore only once or twice. I also have a lot of shorts and summer tops in the 2x and 3x sizes. So let me know so I can pass them on. My closet kind of echos but that is okay. Now I need to find some cheap shoes. Since all my shoes seem to be too big. Don't worry, I'm not bailing the DD out. Right now I feel like slapping her, but this is her mess not mine. We had a chat about her grades, but I don't think it helped. In high school she never had to struggle. Hopefully she will learn something, if not....NOT MY PROBLEM.

Candice the hazards of quilting. I've done that. Break open a vitamin e capsule if you have any and put it on, might speed the healing. A few years ago, I burnt my arm on the manifold of a rototillar, tried to lift it up into the truck when I was finished using it. Had some nice burns, one of those things that I heard the sizzling but didn't realize it was my flesh. Left a nice 2 in.+ hunk on it. The only thing I could think of was that if someone used the tillar to 'kill' someone, that my DNA would be all over it. Had a prescription cream that really helped. Still have a scar but not too bad. Yep Candice this is DD#5 problem, not mine. She just flitted home...with my car, finally, and wanted me to give her a ride to the dorms. Not happening. Now she is in her room pouting because she has to find someone to come and get her. Gee, I guess you should have not decided to drive into town last night to sleep at the dorms. I had told her that today I wouldn't be giving her a ride back to the dorms. Suppose I should be getting something done. Cold weather just makes me want to snuggle in, AND I have a new book to read, Dan Brown's Lost Symbols. Hummm, work or read????

Oh Linda, I'm so sorry about everything. It just rips our hearts out when one of our babies gets hurt. It is pretty impossible to get them to see that there is life after a break up. Partially because those of us with depression have find it difficult to see that tomorrow can be better. Maybe the blood pressure/adrenal gland issues is what is contributing to your depression. I think that is possible. On a happier note, personally there isn't anything that makes me feel better than to have all my little goslings all home at one time. I don't think that has happened for many years. DD#5, the 'level headed' on who just started college is acting like a typical freshman. She is going to get a huge wake up call come the end of semester. She has decided that it is a fabulous idea to join a community hocky league. That would be fine, but she never has played hocky. Added to the fact that she can't stand purchasing anything that someone else has touched, she went to our local semi pro shop and bought all her gear. Naturally the price was inflated because it was at the Mawler store. So many hundreds of dollars later she is now outfitted in the finest hocky gear in our state. That would be fine (not really) but she hasn't even made the team yet. This is the kid who needs her wisdom teeth out and I don't have the $400 for the deposit. Well she DID until she decided to try out for the hocky team. THEN her and some friends decide a fun thing to do is at midnight drive 60 miles into the wilderness, hike for an hour and go swimming in a hot springs. Got home at 5 am, but at least she is still alive. The wake up call will come at the end of semester when her grades kick her out of her scholarship. She has to maintain a 3.4 or no scholarship. This is the same kid who sold her car for $200 to a friend because the car 'didn't like her' and never actually got the money. She thinks that my car is her car. Big wake up call this winter, when she needs a ride to her hockey game (IF she makes it) or when she is working because she isn't in chool anymore. A positive note, DD#4, the one with social anxiety, has gone on another date with the same young man. This is an all time record, never has she gone out with the same gentleman more than once. AND she has gone out on about 3 dates her entire life. She comes home with a glow you couldn't imagine. I guess he asked her if he could hold her hand on their date earlier this week. AND last night he kissed her. They keep finding all kinds of things they have in common. She says it is spooky. Could this be the one??? I am looking forward to 'vetting' him and checking him out. I will have to be the stern mother hen. But I am just thrilled. If it doesn't go anywhere, the experience will help build her self-esteem. Cold here this morning. There were actual snow flakes last night. It was in the low teens. Where the heck are my mukluks? Janet, safe trip home. Phyl, have fun running away. Steph, hopefully you get Michael into the facility. Kari, where are you? Karri, where are you AND have you been kidnapped? Jackie, is Courtney home? Wierd, had a dream about her last night. By any chance does she have blond hair? Saw her in the hospital and she was working out on an exercise machine. Very strange. Check in later.

Hey ladies, how is everyone doing? Survived another day of classes. Was going to go out with a couple of friends, but DD#5 decided to spend a little time at home. Just about the first time she has been around since she moved into the dorms. So came home and made her dinner. Now her and my car have disappeared. Actually she is at the schools homecoming game. DD#4 is on another date with the young man she went out with earlier this week. whoowhoo!!! Other than that, I don't have a life!! Oh well. Just sitting here watching some stupid TV program and vegging. My brain is pretty fried! Oh well. Hope everyone is good!!

kari, thank you so much, I'm getting bored with the few things I have. I'm sure my students are too. Good job on the no soda. but I can relate to the food issues.

Phyl, it must feel great to be so mobile, soon you will be dancing that jig! Janet, I know you are gone, but know that we are all thinking of you. Linda where are you. Karri???? Candice you are very lucky to have a sweetheart. Got a little depression going, I'm tired and weepy. Lousy food in general, no exercise. I want summer back!!

Jackie how fabulous that you are having this bonding time.

Home from the first day of the Big Sky Science Project. It is a 2 year committment with 2 weeks each summer, 3 days 'culture camp' (indian ed) per summer, 4 weekends per school year, and next year will start the online master's classes, and then a Capstone (research in education) project that is presented to a graduate board. The good thing is that other than the 4 Fridays during the school year, I will get paid $200 per day. Naturally thinking...what the heck did I get myself into. Most of the people started last summer, so I am in catch up mode. We have a special meeting a week from now for use newbies that are replacing those that dropped out. So hopefully I will feel better about it in a few weeks. Going out for beverages tomorrow with a friend that is also in the program. Hopefully will be able to eat/drink. Today was tough. Lunch was really rushed and I took the first couple of bites too fast so that ended lunch. Breakfast took me 1 hour to eat, take a bite, wait... I was just feeling rushed and nervous so everything was fighting me, even my coffee. Hopefully tonight will be better. Ended up having some grapes and a granola bar, not the best snack choices, but there wasn't a lot of food choices. Need to plan better. Jackie, I'm so glad things are going well with Courtney. she will be successful! I need to figure out how to get exercise into my schedule. I was great while it was summer, but I can't seem to stop long enough to workout. Steph, I'm going to toss a little advice back at you...Have you visioned Michael in the residential facility getting the treatment he needs and moving onto a positive path? Think the Secret...What are you attracting? Pretty low keyed night. DD#4 is on a date. Third one with the same guy. This is an all time first. I have been using the Secret to see her in a happy relationship. Finding someone who will not manipulate her or take advantage of her...AND...I think this is the one! He is quiet and shy like her. His mom is also a teacher and he still lives at home... like her. She met him at school, so he has goals. They take their respective dogs for walks together and this is their idea of night on the town. Neither of them drink or are into the party scene. So we will see what happens. Pretty sure I got 'dumped' by sushi boy before I even got a chance to meet him. Got an email saying he was home from fighting our local fires and that was pretty much it. No problem. Just when I think, okay I could enjoy a hug once in a while...Even visualized meeting him.

Oh Steph, I'm so sorry. Get him into the residential facility. What did the therapist say? You are doing what you can. Try to breathe until him is placed and then you and Jeff go to a hotel and pamper yourself. Try to substitute the Cookies with a Protein bar. I love the Cliff PB protein or the Atkins carmel nut. Both go down easy. Then at least you would be getting some protein. Call the residential facility and push. If not put him in the immediate care facility he was in before. I know it would be hell if he ran away, so he know he has you by the short ones. Get him Placed, tell him this is about his actions, you hate the actions, but love him. This is about power. He KNOWS he can twist you around emotionally with threats, etc., but is time to take back you life. This is going to be one of the toughest things you do. Remember its about his actions. You will always love him, but it is okay to step back and say, "You are out of control & I'm not going to allow you to manipulate me." Kari, thanks for the package, I can't wait. Yesterday it took me 15 minutes to find something to wear. I only have 1 or 2 tops which fit that have sleeves. Phyl, take the scooter, when you get there and don't need it, sell it to someone who does. Ohhh, I never have been to much into bags until I went hunting for a name brand last year for DD#3's Christmas gift. We found her an adorable 'DB' (I think, better than Coach, but not quite a luis Veton.) Then I was hooked. I'm always surfing at TJ Maxs. I got her one that was normally $350 for $80. also found an adorable Andy Warhol Art museum one for my other DD. I want a Spade. some day. On the vacation thing, July is good for me, I will have classes in June and then a long weekend in August. The Price sounds good to me as well. If we can fit in a quilt shop or show... I have asked for trip $$ for Christmas/birthday/mother's day from my DD's. What I really need is a new mattress, mine is 25 years old. But I can sleep on a lousy mattress, I can't go without getting together. Sushi boy is home from fighting fires. Got a short email from him yesterday. Not mentioning getting together. Got some emails from a guy who lives in New York and says he is relocating to montana. He is 'supposidly' an achitect. There was just something that set my radar flapping. Chatted on email a few times, he said all the right things, but it just didn't feel right. all I could think of is those ladies who marry the perfect man and come to find out he was a con man and disappeared with all their money. He kept asking me if I like 'property' that he is really into property. Those where his words. I'm going with my spider sense and ignoring him. Guess I rambled a bit. jackie, today will probably be rough for Courtney. Second days typically are. She will be fine. Well need to decide if I'm making another latte or not. I think that is a yes. I do need to jab myself this morning. Think positive thoughts. I do think they are giving me more energy. I hadn't realize how much more energy I had until last night when the shot wore off. Just crashed, sat on the couch and drooled. So jab this morning. Think of me.

Home, lost dinner. Too much stress I guess. I hit the wall, going to take a shower and go to bed. Jackie, whewww, relax now!! Steph, get Michael to the residential facility. Did some stress eating. Only Jerky, but probably too much. Chat tomorrow.

By the way, think of all the money we all save by acting as surogate councelors for each other. Wouldn't trade it for anything. Jackie, just so you don't feel like you are alone. The only bander here that i've met is Steph, so you are not alone. By the way there is a plan to meet up next summer. So mark you calendar. I figure if nothing else, I will be Stephanie's kettle Korn slave for money to pay my way. for those of us who are broke, we need to come up with a plan so we ALL will be there. I know I must be there. What about renting a condo somewhere? that way the biggest expense is transportation and our share of the rent? Years ago, a friend of mine & I rented a condo in Lincoln city Oregon on the beach for a week. I bet we could find a similar situation else where. I would be willing to sleep on the floor for a reduced rate? Just some thoughts. You are all family!! TTFN

Stephani, find a residential facility, be active in what ever program they have, THEN kiss your son and say I love you, BUT you are destroying my health, Tell him that you will always love him but that he must be here or jail, AND walk away. YOU are in crisis mode, acceptable, but it is time to take charge. Call around until you locate a space for him, deliver him, kiss him, and go home and sleep for 2 day. THEN, get up, shower and fake it until it becomes real. You know you are not a lousey teacher, I've worked with you. You are not a lousey parent, I've watched you with your 2 younger ones. You are not a lousey bander. YOU ARE HUMAN. However, it is time to take charge. Get up this morning, take the little ones to the daycare. Make a protein drink AND coffee, sit down with the phone and notebook and don't move until you have a place for Michael. Okay you can get up to go to the bathroom. Call the therapist and tell them, that by the time you get there, THEY need to have a facility lined up, BECAUSE you will be bringing Michael, but you won't be taking him home. The therapist has more clout than you. Michael needs a residential situation where he can rant and rave without having to rant and rave at you. The reality is that he isn't safe, and neither are you while he is in this destructive mode. Okay enough ranting. Jackie,you and courtney will be in my prayers all day. Okay ALSO enough serious stuff...here is your humor for today. Get up at 4:30, try to go potty, yeah right. Anyway, leaving the bathroom, forget that the dog gate is up, walk right through it, wouldn't have been bad, but the gate stayed, so did my feet, ankles, shins, and knees. The remaining part of my body continues forward, Newton's law you know. Gate finally gives up the fight and releases. Upper body now bolstered my the release of potential energy, bounces off the other side of the hall and gravity, also one of Newton's ideas, pulls all mass to the floor. Miss Molly thought it was rather humorous. Probably was a hoot to watch.

Janet, unfortunately hospitals and doctors DO send you to collection even if you make payments. I have had our local hospital send me to collections and Duke Hospital sent me to collections. Both because I couldn't pay them off in 12 months. I did eventually get the local hospital paid off and I am still paying the collection agency for Duke. I had 3 major surgeries between 2000 & 2002, totals where close to $200,000. Needless to say, the local hospital won't even admit me if I was dying. No it is a myth that teachers get good insurance. I did when I taught in Nevada, but Montana stinks. We don't have an option to not take the insurance. It is in the contract that we will use the insurance. Anyway, I'll get through. I don't really have any options, so I'll survive. At one point I wanted them to actually remove my vagina so that I wouldn't prolapse again, but they refused. I'm just tired of the pain. Sorry, let's just drop it. Too depressing. I have been blessed. I have no right to gripe and whine. Let's think about Candice's awesome camping trip. Phyl heading to warmer weather.

Phyl, yes I have medical insurance, but it has a $2000 deductable and then only 70% coverage after that, so anytime I have surgery, I have a minimum bill of $8000. I pay $600 a month for this insurance.

Candice, absolutely gorgerous. Hand or machine quilted? I'm jealous, I'm so close to finishing DD#4's quilt, I just need to finish the binding, but I haven't had a moment to work on it. Well did finally urinate this morning. Had to 'stuff' things back up, do some of my pelvic floor exercises and RELAX. What a relief. Yep, I need to go to the doc, but I don't have the money. There is absolutely no way I can go, because doctors/hospitals require the bill be paid in no more than 12 months. I can't even afford $50 a month. If I have to, I will start cathing myself. Not my idea of fun, but no other choice. So hopefully things will 'stay' where they belong enough to go to the bathroom. Right now I only have $400 after all my bills for gas and food. Okay, enough whining!! Candice how exciting. You better swing by my part of Montana. Glacier Park, Yellowstone Park. Two of the most beautiful places in the world. Actually I have never gone to Glacier Park, even though it is close to where I live.

Janet, you will be on our minds. Remember, we are here, so know that you are in our prayers.

Morning, Jackie, good job, heck GREAT job. Doesn't if feel better to be in control. Eating is an addiction that is the toughest to control because we have to eat to live. I've always been able to totally not eat. Starvation is something I can do, its finding the balance that I struggle with. Glad to hear that things are okay with Steph. I wish I could make things better for her. Well been up since 4 am. Miss Molly had to go potty twice in the night. The cat puked in the middle of the night...in my bed. Then I've had to urinate for the last 2 hours and can't go. I think I have prolapsed my bladder AGAIN. Last time I prolapsed my intestines and couldn't have a bowl movement. I had to go to Duke Medical center and be reconstructed for the THIRD time. It has been 7 years since then, and I'm still paying Duke off. I've had some 'bulging' issues for the last couple of weeks. This morning I woke up in pain and can't urinate, the 'bulge' is bigger. I don't have a specialist anymore, because the last gyn/urinologist said that it was time to try someone else because she couldn't do anything more for me. Many docs don't know how to deal with chronic issues, she also retired. So here I sit, wishing I could pee. I know, to much info. If anyone has a suggestion, I'm open. I don't want to get into a situation where I have to cath myself. One of the reasons I got the band is that excess weight increases your chances for pelvic organ prolapse. I guess if I don't 'go' I'll have to call around and see if anyone will take me. Most won't because my insurance will only pay 50% after $2000. I'd be better off if I never went to school and got a job. Sorry, it seems to be all about me. Jackie, Court's procedure will go great. Hugs on the employee issues. that's one reason I won't go into administration. by the way, because I'm new here, how old to Court? Phyl, isn't it exciting to have to use your fanny packs because you won't need your scooter anymore!! What a blessing.

Oh heck, we didn't talk about the time of day. Great.

Not yet, but I'm hoping. But today's was the 1st 'real' shot. The one I gave myself in the office was just B because the shippment didn't come in.

Janet, it's all about the narrator, ITunes has lousy ones. I typically like males over females. but I have always prefered males voices.

damn, just gave myself the 'shot', oh hell did it burn! And it took me 4 jabs.