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Well when the computer says it is downloading a scheduled update you shouldn't ignore it, because that means the computer is going to shut down. So I will try this again! Steph, congratulations on the Math board, you will be great!! Michael is loving it because it is new and it is an extreme controlled situation. He doesn't have to make decisions. He knows what to do, when to do it and how to do it. He's getting the help he needs so look at the situation and see what is working and implement those things in your home. In a few months he may change his mind. Also Michael is smart enough to figure out how the game is played. He wants to play right now, and hopefully the staff know when he is 'playing' vs when it is real. Jackie, it will get better. But don't put your energy into the would haves or could haves. The MIL is right, she needs to stay out of this. You said your piece, now let it go. Do what you have to and move on. Life will be better without the stress, you will find happiness. But it will take time. I said it all better the 1st time, so if it comes out wrong, blame it on the computer. I slept in until 7:30, normally I'm up at 4:30, I'm more tired this morning than if I had gotten up at 4:30. I haven't gotten a 'confirmation' from my coffee date, so I'll go and enjoy a great iced lattee and if he shows up great, if not, no big deal. Today is cleaning and altering clothes. Tomorrow is working on masters stuff and the weekend is devoted to Christmas sewing. Christmas will be lean, but what the heck. Janet one of the years, when my kids don't come home for Christmas, which is happening more often, would you be interested in meeting somewhere and spending Christmas with me? I think it is important to start letting my kids know that I can handle it on my own and that it is okay to have their own lives. Give it some thought. Well going to eat my Breakfast and then groom up. I'll probably puke along the way because of nerves.

Jackie, hang in there, it is going to be rough for a while, but you can do it. You are in our prayers!! Coffee date is around 10 in the morning, I'll let you all know how it goes. Trying to not think about it.

You had chocolate!!! What is that? is it edible? I miss chocolate. I eat faky chocolate, SF fudge bars, but it is not the same as melt in your mouth, sugar high, maybe with some carmel in the middle!!! Glad you went in for an unfill. Now you can get back on track. I am a little bummed. I bought a cute corduroy skirt on sale this summer and it keeps falling off. Now I am glad I'm thinner, but I wish I had bought a smaller size. I don't even own a belt anymore. I use to have some cute ones. So I will try to remake it this weekend so I can still wear it. Going to go take a shower, the warm up some leftovers. Chat later.

Candice, Janet and I are just planning our retirement. We are going to buy a camper and become the Traveling Vamps! Just discussing the pros & cons of each style. If we were to travel extensively in the warmer sections, I think a motor home with 2 scooters would work. But if we decide to travel in colder area's the idea of a 6th wheel is good. Or a motor home with a small vehicle, like a miada would be good. It would have to be fire red naturally.

Steph, no matter how old are kids get, or what choices they make, or where they're at, our heart ALWAYS hurts for them when things are going rough. Then you throw some guilt in there and we REALLY beat ourselves up. Keep reminding yourself that Michael is getting the help he needs, you ARE doing the best for him. Tell all the BITL people hi for me. Especially if you see 'someone' with a dog names Gracie. Anyway, am home for 4 days of bliss. Plan on cleaning carpets and sewing. We will see how much actually gets done. food was under control today, but had extra coffee. Phyl, I love the new instant Starbucks! It is pretty potent, so I only use 1/2 a package per cup, then heat up some Water, skim milk, and SF flavoring. But with the current fiscal year, I won't be buying any more. So think of me when you drink it. I'll live vicariously through you!! Leftovers for dinner tonight. Coffee 'date' with the sushi fireman tomorrow morning. I finally found someone who has met him (he lives in my town and florence is pretty small) and they said he is a nice quiet guy AND they thought he would be a nice 'match' for me. We will see. Check in later!

Morning ladies, it is raining this morning. Which is better than freezing. Steph, glad you are destressing. Enjoy your time with Michael for his birthday. I won't be attending the conferences in Billings. I have already done my alternative MEA stuff and plan on spending time doing my master's work and starting sewing for Christmas. Christmas is lean this year, but I am hoping I could have all my girls home at one time. Won't happen, but I can hope. DD#1 did find a new job with a personal injury law firm. She hates it and the salary is significantly less than what she was making, so she won't be able to fly home this year. There is a position available for the EPA in the Aterondacks (sp), her dream job. So hopefully she is considered for it. Government jobs take forever to go through the hiring process, but so far she has passed all the requirements. Her field of study was environmental law, so we will keep our fingers crossed. DD#4 is in the 'angry stage' about the ex boyfriend. But it still breaks a mom's heart. Phyl, I hope you have your Water wings! Well best get going, the goal today is NO stress snacking, even healthy Snacks. My goal is to be very consious of when I eat. All snacks are low cal and healthy, but that doesn't mean I should eat them. I'll let you know how it goes. TTFN

Janet, we can handle anything!!! I have done some towing. I never thought of a 5th wheel, but we will check out our options as we get closer. Been a long day, I had a meeting at the University from 4:30 to 7:00. Came home and was starving, so started eating too fast, naturally stuck and lost dinner. The weather finally warmed up and I would have loved to just sit in the sun. Tomorrow is the last day of work for 4 days!!! Have a bunch of work to do for the master's program, need to shampoo carpets, and start Christmas sewing. Am meeting sushi guy at a Starbucks on Thursday morning.

just lost my post, why do I alway keep hitting the wrong button. grr. Been up since 4 am, miss molly had to go potty. Decided to stay up and go to work early. You all have a good one!

Poor DD#4 just came home in hysterics, the boyfriend that I used the Secret on to bring into her life, just dumped her. He says he, "Isn't sure he wants to be in a relationship." In my opinion he is paniced, but her heart is broken. So much for the Secret working...yeah Candice, I'll Secret me some money...worked great on DD#4. I'm hoping I'm not getting sick, achy and headache, can't get warm. That or I'm just tired. Candice sorry about thinking the cake was quilt blocks, I'm a ditz. The pics are fabulous!!

Candice, LOVE the quilt blocks on the cake!!!! Oh yeah, your daughter was right about her mother-in-law. I figured you were going to tell me that it was some strange relative, some cleveage!!! How about a picture of your front, the backside looks fabulous!!

Been flu shotted, and antibacterialized, so I should be fine, that or I'll get sick over my 4 day weekend.

Yes I had to work, and my room was a wopping 54 degrees. About 1/3 of our students have been out sick. I got all clammy this afternoon, so I better NOT be getting it!! It could have been the thermal underwear I had on under my shirt and vest. Froze like crazy. Came home and hopped in a hot shower. Was going to bake a pork loin, but even though it has been in the refrig since Saturday it is still frozen, so tomorrow I'll throw it in the crockpot and call it dinner. When I went to work at 6:45 it said that it was 6 degrees out. This stinks!

Finally lost a pound, only took 2 months, but I'll take it, I broke the 180 mark!!! Found a fabulous 7-grain hot Cereal at costco. Had it last night for dinner with SF maple syrup, a few craisins and a little slivered almonds. It seems to really keep me full. With the craisins and almonds, the cals are around 250. I plan on using it for lunch part of the time. Very chewy and makes the tummy happy!! Didn't get much school work done this weekend, okay didn't get ANY school work done this weekend. But that is okay, it is a 3 day week. We have Thursday & Friday off for MEA and I already did my stuff for MEA, so I have a 4 day weekend!! Going to get a jump on my Christmas sewing. DD#4 is having her new young man come out for dinner so I can meet him. Poor guy, I'm going to give him the once over. The new country song about the dad 'sitting here cleaning this gun' comes to mind. Nah, I'm just thrilled she has a life again. I used the Secret, attracting what you want, and within a couple of weeks of positive thinking he come into her life, amazing. Maybe I should try it on my financial situation? I checked into the mortgage modification, thanks again to Janet, and I make too much money. I have a Fannie Mae loan, so refinance is not an option. I will muttle through, thanks everyone for listening. However, if it stays as cold as it has been, I'm selling and moving to a warmer climate. I'm sick of COLD!! You all have a good day. Phyl, hope your trip is going well!! Be safe.

Quiet day. Have the last load of laundry in the dryer, worked out, cleaned the kitchen and am now making some oatmeal for dinner, too tired to eat anything else.

Morning everyone. Had a little breakdown last night, but doing better this morning. DD#2 looked at my budget and made some suggestion. I'm calling the utility companies and going to see if I qualify for budget billing, check into reducing the interest rate on my credit card. I've been trying to pay off my credit card from using it this summer, but the reality is I am just going to have to pay the minimum until I get my tax return. I am going to try to make this work, wish me luck or untold riches, either will work! Cold here, bleck. Check in later, TTFN

Oh Phyl, How exciting, a 14 - 16, you go girl. We are so proud of you!!!! Just woke up from a nap, a 2 hour nap. Now I probably won't sleep tonight, but I don't care. I was tired. AND depressed! I have been so careful with money. I checked my balance at the bank before going to town and there was enough money to buy groceries. When I came home I double checked and nope a check cleared that I forgot about, so now come Monday I am going to be bouncing!!! AND I don't get paid until the 20th. I really don't know what to do. IF I could sell my house today I'd do it. But in the current market it would take months, if not a year. The house next to me took over 2 years and it is way nicer than mine. I only have 1300 sq. feet. I have talked to the mortgage co. and they won't do anything. I guess I could start missing payments so they foreclose on me, then what? I've checked into apartments and the cost for that is almost the same as my house payment plus I'd have the cost of gas, because there are no apartments where I live. The closest is 20 miles. Damn, damn.

Okay, I'm I the only one up and moving? Need to run to town and get some blueberries and water. Trying to figure out what to wear so I don't turn into a peoplesicle. My 'new' winter coat is a gorgeous navy blue wool double breasted that I got for Christmas last year...um....size 22. I Think I wore it once. Does anyone know of someone who could use it? I know my DD paid a lot for it. Maybe i will put it on craigslist and see if I could get some $$$ for it so I could buy a new coat. I didn't even think of needing a new coat. I'll just layer up and wear a scarf & gloves, that should work. Catch you all later when I get home. TTFN

Janet, thank you so much for the call, its just you and me babe. Now I have a phone buddy for when I am lonely, can't get much better than that. Damn COLD, do you hear me DAMN COLD!!!!!!!!. So cold little miss Molly refused to go potty outside!!! I don't think it has been this cold in years. Global warming for ya. Woke up to an almost empty house, so much for having company, DD#2 & the college DD left without saying goodbye. They were headed to the Griz game. A little bummed, DD#2 lives in Idaho Falls and I was planning on going down there next weekend. I get my hair done by here beutician (okay, can't spell) he does a fabulous job. But even though we talked about it in September she went ahead and told her dad that the weekend was open, so her dad and step-mom are going down. So much for my 4 day weekend with my daughter. :thumbup: Probably for the best, I will use the hair money to pay a bill. Just was missing her and then she leaves this morning without waking me up and saying goodbye. Okay enough pitty party. Going to work on school work this weekend. I have my 1st assignment for my Master's program. Need to read and do research on 'Formative Assessment'. Yeah like I know what that is. Then have to dialogue on 'blackboard' forum AND that is how it is graded. Do these people know I have a writing phobia? Feeling fat again today. So I will workout instead.

Been trying to find out if there are any new treatment options for my pelvic organ prolapse...doesn't appear to be. I am going to fax the surgeon at Duke that did my 3rd repair with cadavar tissue and see if they have any suggestions. Our local docs are a few years behind. Man, one of my dog's stink...like wet dog!! It is too cold to give them a bath. Can I spray them with Febreeze? Didn't think so. We are in the high TEENS. I'm ready to move out to where it is warmer!!!! Oh to be Phyl! Not much going on here tonight. DD#2 is coming from Idaho. All I want to do is take a hot bath and go to bed!!! Love seeing her, but just don't want to deal with company. Janet, I am so glad you are both safe, what a scare!!! Lock and alarm!!! I HATE COLD. I guess I should have realized that weighing 75 pounds less may require an adjustment in my winter attire. I never use to wear a coat. Now I can't get warm. How much coffee can one person drink? Candice, good luck with the wedding!!

It's Friday!!! Almost through the week, and this weekend I get to sleep in!! So tired yesterday I fell asleep on the couch at 9 pm and finally woke up enough to go to bed at 9:30. Woke up to snow this morning!!! I love a good fluffy white Christmas, but before & after, no way. When I retire it is going to be somewhere that it has no snow AND doesn't get over 80 degrees. Ah to retire. Have to say, this week was a decent one. Busy at work and naturally behind, but I think the kids learned something and that is what matters. DD#2 and 'significant other', I should just say spouse, they have been together since 8th grade and they are 30, are here tonight. Won't see much of them, they are here for the Griz homecoming, but that is okay. I'll puppy sit for them and then hopefully get busy on some Christmas sewing. I really should do some clothes sewing. Maybe I'll just curl up and read and hand quilt. Isn't that what snow is for? Okay Janet, how hot does it get in the summer where you are? Suppose it is miserable. I was thinking, scarey thought, I'll sell my house and become your room mate? hehhe. You'd keep me on the straight and narrow. Go an email from my fill doc checking in on how I'm doing. The Bcomplex and amino acid shots ARE giving me more energy, but I'm still hungry. Yesterday was a good food day. Didn't even have my FF Fudge bar last night for snack. Had my normal BF, then a small bowl of bean soup for lunch, snack was a 100 cal popcorn, dinner was some stir fried veggies and chicken with pasta. Took a long time to chew chew chew, and all went down, even my usual troubling chicken. Man if I close my eyes even for a long blink, I'll be snoring today. About 1/3 of each of my classes are out sick this week. Flu and strep is sweeping through our building. Next week is only a 3 day week, so I am hoping that the time off will break the cycle. I can't afford to get sick. I have mega homework to do this weekedn for my master's program and school. But I want to hibernate. Kari, thank you so much for the box of shirts, etc. You are a sweetheart, I can't wait to wear them. Something different!!! Phyl, check in on us during your travels. Jackie, we are here for you. Sounds like Court is on her way to recovery!!! Candice, has the doc ran any blood tests for the rash? Maybe it is something else besides an allergy? I hope our Lucky 7 isn't shrinking! I hope Linda, Karri, & Steph find there way back on. I haven't been able to log into Facebook, so I don't even know what is going on with everyone. You all have a great Friday!!

Jackie, it sounds like you and your hubby ended as friends. That makes it hard to loose them. Not only did you loose you childrens father, you lost your best friend. That is also why you shouldn't settle for anything less. Got some control back with eating last night. My brain is just craving food, any food and any amount. Was careful and actually measured my food for dinner and found out that I had been eating less than what I could. So maybe if I'm careful with my proportions I won't be as hungry. My goal today is to limit my Snacks. Hopefully Courtney has a good day. Steph, today is a new day. Spend some time cleaning, it will help organize you mind & your house...it works for me. Put on some rip roaring music and rock the house and your soul. You will have some sad days, some days that you feel guilty, so prepare for them. WHAT are you going to do when they come? Today is just darn cold. I have to take my students outside for a lab. Phyl, can I come with you? Right now all the cold makes me want to do is sleep. I'm cold even with my jammies and a sweatshirt and a heavy blanket. This weekend I want to hibernate, but DD#3 is coming for a football game with the griz. (local college team). Well best get it together. TTFN

Stephani, what a blessing. Michael may or may not commit to the program, but you have done your best!! It is up to him now. Now you need to work on you and the rest of the family. While this has been Michael's problem it still has affected you. Maybe consider family counceling even though Michael is gone. That way when he comes home, you and Jeff are a united front. There are still hard times ahead, but you've made it so far, you'll make it the rest of the way. Just remember to establish your rules that EVERYONE has to follow, and Michael will make the decision to follow, or he will not be allowed back. What are your priorities? figure them out, write them down and you and Jeff come to an agreement. Also hold the little ones to the rules also. Make sure to let the little ones know that YOU didn't send Michael away, that he chose to not follow the rules and so he needed help learning. I am really frustrated with myself today. I think I ate all day long. Hungry Hungry. I have been working out so that helps, but when I stepped on the scale this morning it said 4 pounds up. Two days before it was 4 pounds less. The bean Soup had more salt in it that I liked so I'm thinking some of it was Water retention. But I have not eaten anything I wasn't suppose to. Hell, now it looks like I can't make it through the winter without gaining. The Bcomplex and amino acids are boosting my energy level, but I don't like the scale right now. I've not eaten any junk food. An extra handful of grapes and an extra piece of Jerky yesterday, but that was it. I had a chat with my principal today, not about the meeting issues, but with my supply budget. I am teaching twice as much science with half as much budget. I filled out purchase orders for the bare minimum it will take to teach earth science and it was over $2000. My budget is about $500. Basically I reminded her that the person who taught earth science for the last couple of years bought zero supplies AND threw away most of the supplies he inherited because he didn't want to store any of it. I said that the district needed to decide if it wanted a science program or not. She wanted me to prioritize the list. I told her that this WAS prioritized and that these were the bare minimum. She actually said that she expected it to be higher. So we will see. My job will be very easy if the don't get the supplies because there won't be any labs to do. I'll just assign worksheets and reading. Phyl you are almost on your way, warm weather here you come!! Jackie, you've made your decision, now don't look back or 2nd guess yourself. Do what you need to be happy. I'm tired and feeling fat, so I think I'll take a little nap. Can't really workout today, I need to give the innards a rest. Tomorrow I'll hit it again. k

Phyl you are the gramanator!! Didn't sleep all that great, Miss Molly thought it was a good idea to get up twice last night. Only read about 3 pages on my new book. Just couldn't focus. Mind kept jumping everywhere. A little frustrated with my teaching co-workers. We had a meeting with a parent to discuss their child's lack of sucess. The student has aspergers (a mild forn of Autism) and has several ticks. Anyway, here we all are grouped together discussing the childs options and the fact that his parents want him officially evaluated for special ed. At 4 oclock a teacher gets up, grabs his bag and leaves because his contract time is over. After about 5 minutes the councelor say, 'well we will need to continue this at a later date, teachers are released at 4 pm'. The remaining teachers get up and walk out the door. The meeting started about 10 minutes late because we had to hunt down teachers to show up and we just told them that they are only worth 15 minutes. The parents just sit there with their mouths hanging open. Mom was about ready to cry before this happening, dad has some real concerns about testing and teachers just walk out and leave. Is this message we want to send. "Your child isn't important enough to put in some extra time." I was mortified. I stayed for about 15 minutes more and talked the parents through the next step. Lied and said that the middle school staff is fabulous and that we would help their child as needed. I so want to go to my admin and complain, but 1st, it would sound like a tattle tailer, 2nd, teachers may leave when their contract day is up. 3rd, it wouldn't change anything. I or admin can't make teachers care about a child. Tired today, everytime I blink my eyes want to stay that way. coffee isn't even working. Janet, has a good food day! Phyl keep on packing!! Just a smidgen away from 'onederland'! Steph you better check in or we are going to hunt you down, same for karri, linda,Kari.

Janet, i'm with you on the Protein, it isn't something I can keep up, so I'm going to bail on it. I can't eat carrots lately or apples. I miss my watermelon. It was the one thing I could eat and be full. Tonight I had about a cup of bean and carrot Soup, very little broth with some ham chunk. My tummy is happy. No, teachers don't have 401K's. We pay for a small retirement. Pay is big, about $700 a month and when I hit 65, I'll get about $1200 a month. I probably should have stayed teaching in NV, I would be able to retire at 55 and get almost as much as I made, which would be about $80,000 tax free. But I couldn't face teaching in the same district as the ex. My girls couldn't figure out why daddy lived about 1 mile away and he never saw them. I also was harassed a lot. Condoms were circulated around school and town with my name on them. My principal filed a sexual harassment suit against several of my ex's co-workers, but I refused to testify. My girls had to live there and one was in school, so I wanted it to disappear right away. I know I probably need to go to the doc, but I have a hard time facing it. I spent 3 years of my life in and out of doctors offices, hospitals. I'm just sick of the whole thing. Jackie, good for Courtney, she is taking charge!!! Thanks for understanding. I so want her to be successful, and counseling is part of that. Well, I'm going to finally start my new book, I'll check in later before going to bed. I really love you all!!! You all are the few who really understand me. TTFN

I've been battling the hungries all week, so Janet you aren't alone. It seems like when you hit the 6 month mark you get lazy. However, my stomach actually growls, so it must mean something? or am I just rationalizing. The fill doc has me on a super protein drink for lunch, 250 cals. It was great while the weather was hot, but now that it is cold, I want comfort food. I spoon the drink to make it last longer. If I didn't it would be gone in less than 3 minutes. Work is getting to me, I find myself reaching for a grape everytime I turn around, then a small piece of jerky. I know in reality that I can't keep this up much longer. I'm hungry damn it, and not just head hungry. I did come home and to an 'interval' workout tape. Made it about 45 minutes before I was really struggling. I can walk forever, but anything else, I'm a woosie. I have to be really careful not to do any type of exercise that has jolting in it. So I can't do 'real' aerobics. The innards hang out in 3 seconds. The hardest part for me is that I really have to sequence my breathing and pelvic floor contraction. If I put any strain on it by holding my breath or abdominal crunching, pop, out it goes. right now I feel good muscle wise, I was so tired when I came home. The work out helped, but now I have the 'burn' from putting stress on the innards. Had to stop and 'poke' everything back in. Hell, I have really seriously considered asking the surgeons to stuff everything back up and sew everything closed. I don't use it anyway. But they think i'm crazy. Sorry, I guess it is all about me. Jackie, give Courtney a hug from all of us. let her know that we are here and are rooting for her. she is as beautiful as her mother, and before long she will be active and slim. One thing...and I know it might be forward of me...oh hell, don't yell...but it is said with love as a mother. Has Courtney spent anytime working through the 'why's' of over eating? We all know there is the physical reasons we have trouble loosing weight, but we all have had to battle the demons of WHY we eat. Please, don't kick me off the island, I don't have anywhere else to go. I should shut up...but I know it is important.