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Phyl, so you had a little too much to drink, who cares, you'll work off the calories. You could travel with a pup if you trained him right. Personally, life without a little furry is too short, but hey I have 3, technically only one, but I own the girls' by default. I love smoked salmon, haven't had it in years, probably more like decades. Sitting here drinking my hot latte, tryin not to think of all the work that needs to be done. But I really don't think I can get the house ready by Thursday. It is end of the quarter and I have to get grades done, then Wednesday and Thursday night is parent/teacher conferences, AND I have to have a unit outlined for my master's program. But have a 3 day weekend next week, so I think I will put the listing off until a week from Monday. Pray the snow stays away. Been trying to get a hold of DD#2 and see if she would come up next weekend to help. But she isn't answering her phone, which is her way of saying, "Hell no!" It hurts that when I need her she doesn't have time for me. Now I'm just being petty, she is a busy woman with her own life. It shouldn't bother me, but it does. So DD#4 and I will have to move all the heavy stuff, not the best thing for my pelvic organ prolapse. But there just isn't any other options. I don't have any good friends that would help. DD#5 won't come and help, because she is too busy rock climbing, etc. Now I'm having a pity party. Just ignore me. This is just one of those times it would be helpful to have a best friends or a husband. Hell if I had a husband I wouldn't need to sell the house.

I did get approved for a new mortgage, granted a lot smaller, but if I can find a house with in what I can pay a month I'm golden. I now understand how people get into mortgage trouble. I was approved for $160,000, are you kidding, my payment would only be $100 less than what I pay now. I am aiming for a total monthly payment of no more than $800. That will give me a little wiggle room. So now I need prayers on a quick sale and finding a small house. PB'd on popcorn today, never do that. But we could also talk about how much I ate. All healthy food, but way too much.

phyl, lets just pray that the hip hurts from nonuse!!! But is frustrating none the less. Moving slow this morning. Just now sitting down to coffee, everything took longer, guess it is Friday. So today I start collecting boxes and find out if I will qualify for a loan to buy a small house. Need to get some ##'s together for the mortgage co. That is the part I hate. But either it will work and I'll have a busy weekend or it won't and I'll sit home and try to figure out how to pay bills. Kids not thrilled that I will be selling, but that's life. If I don't qualify for a loan, I guess I'll figure something out. Everyone have a good day. TTFN

PHYLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CONGRATULATIONS!! WHOOOPWHOOOPWHOOP, You make me proud. The realtor (the one I bought the house through) just left and the news isn't too bad. He feels I should be able to sell for enough to pay it off, pay his fees and have some for a down payment on a tiny house. I will go to be pre-approved tomorrow, that will tell me what the next move is. If I can get pre-approved then I will move to have the house on the market by the end of next week. Most of what has to be done is simple. Down size and deep clean. The most difficult will be to paint DD#5 room, she painted it tourquoise, lime green, fushia, and black and put the trim in my sewing room. Need to find a place to store things. There actually is a house that the realtor gave me the info on that is selling for $140,000. He calculated that I can afford to finance $130,000. The house that is available right now needs a lot of work cosmetically, but it is structurally sound. It is actually across from the post-office, which I would fit me just right. It is a 1000 square feet, plus 1000 square foot unfinished basement. So I would actually have more space than I have now, but I would loose the garage. So I'm turning this over to God, if it is meant to be then it will be. So please pray for me to see the path God has for me. I actually am okay about it. As long as I can stay in Florence and keep my puppies. If I have to wait to find a place, I can use my dad's 5th wheel RV and park it somewhere that I can keep the dogs. So this will work out okay. I will have a crazy weekend, I think I will take a couple of days off to get everything done. We will be on Realtor Alert until the house sells, I wish it would happen right away. I don't like upheavel. Naturally have a raging headache, but guess that is better than anything else. I will need to borrow money from someone until the house sells, but I will either go to the bank or talk to someone in the family. Maybe my rich as sister will loan me $150 a month. Thank you everyone for the support, In a perfect world I would sell for enough $$ to be able to redo some of the interior of what ever house I buy. Let's just hope I qualify to buy a house.

Steph, I'm glad. You and Jeff give me hope that love does exist and can weather storms. Just remember why you got married. (Yeah right, like I should give advice.) Ignored Miss Molly at 4 am and now I pay the price. So tonight I'll be cleaning. I was just so tired. The extra half out sleep was definitely NOT worth the mess. I'm so glad it is Thursday...only 2 more days and then I can sleep for a while. I need to figure out my physics plan by Sunday, but I'll figure that out on Saturday, not worrying about it. Next Sunday DD#3,4,&5 are driving to Spokane to see the broadway production of The Lion King. They bought their tickets this summer. They have an extra ticket and want me to go, but I just can't face it or afford it, so hopefully they can sell their ticket. I just want to sleep. I'd be ill if it wan't so much to get ready for a sub. hope you all have a good day.

Steph, are you and Jeff okay? You have me worried? I'm here.

Janet, what changed money wise is no longer getting $1000 a month childsupport and having 2 kids in college, insurance going up, house taxes going up, buying healthy food, medical insurance going up. I've had my house for 5 years, DD#4 is 23 and DD#5 is 19, so the medicare doesn't work. I am going to check on modifying my insurance tomorrow to see if I can drop my dental and or dropping the girls. Check into a major medical program. I thought I planned for not having childsupport. I shouldn't have gotten the band, I took out a loan and pay $200 a month. I had it all budgeted out, I knew it would be tight, but possible. But because everything is costing more I'm not making it. I have hesitated talking to the bank that has my loan because they were so great about giving me the loan, plus if I default on the loan, I loose my car. So we will see what tomorrow will bring. Maybe I will win the $1000 scratch holiday cash card at my grocery store, that would buy me 5 months.

Phyl, you aren't skipping a day, you are allowing muscles to heal!!! Glad everything went well for Tracy. Make sure she follows the No Lifting for 6 weeks. Also, talk to her about starting some pelvic floor exercises to strengthen everything so she doesn't have an issue with pelvic organ prolapse. Have her talke to the doc. Once the uterious is gone the center of gravity/pressure drops down and she will be more prone for prolapse. I'm so glad things went well. Tell her to take her time to heal. Can't stress that enough. Also just because the doc says she can start lifting remind her to listen to her body. It takes a full year to totally heal. Part of my problems are that I rushed the lifting. Also, thanks for the kind words. The hardest part of selling will be giving up the puppies and having to commute. We won't even talk about having to be on Realtor Alert, making sure everything is spotless 24/7. I'll need to sell a lot of my quilting stuff and furniture, because I won't be able to afford to put it in storage. That will be a heart breaker also. If I could have had a 24 month reduction of payment, I could have kept my house. I don't like moving to the 'city', I never have lived in one and it is scary to have to worry about intruders. I haven't told the kids that the dogs will have to go. They are under the illusion that we will be able to find a place to rent that will allow us to have 3 dogs and a cat. I'd rather have my arm ripped off than hurt them, or give up my babies. Dang I'm going to have to give away my koi, didn't think of that. I've raised them from 3 inch babies to almost a foot long. I'll give them to a fellow pond person. Reality sure does hurt.

Called the mortgage company and ended up getting emotional. They said I have no options, I don't qualify for anything. When the said they'd talk to the boss and if they could call me at my old phone #, I lost it and said, No you can't call me at my old phone # because I had to cancel my land line because I couldn't afford it and then hung up. Talked to a realtor about selling the house. They are going to do a cma, basically check if my house will sell for what I owe and enough to pay the realtor fees and possibly enough to put a down payment on a smaller house with less property. The problem is that my house is considered a small house, so I will have to rent. There is no houses available to rent in our community to I will have to move into Missoula a 20 mile drive one way. If I have to rent, I will not be able to take my dogs, so will have to find someone to give them too. That's life. Should do great things for the weight loss, I'm too stressed to eat. I have been checking out job options. Only one of my kids could help me and they know I can't make my payment and they aren't offering, and I won't ask. DD#4 & DD#5 are in college and barely pay their own bills. DD#3 just started a new job and is only making a small salary. DD#1, the lawyer, got fired from her job and had to take a job that pays $20,000 less than what she was making. So that leaves DD#2, she helped me out last month, but made it pretty clear that she won't help me again. I looked into bankruptcy and I would loose my house. So the best option is to try to sell it and hope I can find a place to rent. My house was my retirement plan. I was hoping to have enough equity when I finally retired that I could have enough to live off.

Morning ladies, miss molly up at 4 am, not my idea of fun. Phyl, I love the pics of the red hat affair. You look like you are just having a blast!!

Okay Phyl, if I combine the egg and carrot do I get a salad with a coffee chaser? I know what you are saying...I do all 3, there are times that I am a whimp, times that I am hard and bitter, and times I make it into something good. If it is personal, it is the carrot, if it is school, it is the egg, if it is family, it is the coffee. So what does that say....I'm just mixed up, damn that's the carrot again. So...I guess it was the carrot saying to drop it,...So I am going to be the coffee, any and all suggestions welcome. Then we can all have coffee together! I know that I give up when it comes to personal stuff because it is easier and I'm tired. Janet, I need you to come and take charge for a few days...hold my hand when I make those phone calls for help and insist that something happens. So, I'll call the mortgage co., the utilities, the medical, the credit card...and beg for help...maybe....ah crap. On a different note, we got the results of dad's PET scan and the cancer has NOT spread, but has grown back to its original size. The fluid that was drained from the lung does NOT show cancer, so dad can go in every couple of weeks and get an 'unfill'. The doc decided to start dad on a new chemo that he get's every 3 weeks, he will loose his hair again, but at least we have something to try. The doc thinks we can buy a year, so as long as dad wants to fight, we will fight. His spirits are good. Got an email from my lb doc. Told him basically that on weekends I eat maybe 2 meals a day & no snacks. On weekdays I struggle to stop eating. I want food all the time at work. I am not eating junk only my allotted food, but I can eat about 1/2 pound of grapes and then top it off with a pear. I don't have a desire for junk, but I could eat non-stop. There is a 3 hour span, that it is chew chew chew chew chew. I am going to be the only person know to man to get fat on fruit. Phyl, you do look fabulous, sorry I have been too focused on my own issues. You are an inspiration. All of you are...

Debt management councelors...the only debt I have is house payment, utilities, medical bills and insurance. I have a balance on my credit card (normally I don't, but have been using it to survive and will pay it off when I get my tax return). So there isn't anything that can be done to manage the bills. It is a myth that if you pay medical bills $5 a month, they can't do anything to you. I already have been turned over to a collection agency for two hospital bills and they aren't polite. I have been paying Duke Medical Center since 2003 and have 2 1/2 more years to pay on it. Let's just drop the subject, there isn't a solution, and it is just depressing. Yes I am on antidepressents, and my amount is increased during the winter. Full spectrum light is being used. Just tired I guess.

Thanks guys.... Candice...they make 100 cal packs of kettle korn, that is my evening snack of choice. I have determined air is fattening. Been good, food wise, gotten back to exercising, had at least a 2 pound dump yesterday, I know TMI, and gained 3 pounds. The recipe for taco soup: 1 lb. ground turkey 1/2 to 1 onion, chopped, saute turkey and onions 2 cans stewed tomatoes - don't drain (I mash them up) 2 cans kidney beans - don't drain 1 can tomato sauce about 1 cup water 1 package taco seasoning. Combine and simmer for 15 or so minutes serve with fritos, grated cheese, sour cream. I only put about 5 fritos in my bowl, use regular cheddar/monteray jack cheese, about a tablespoon, and 2 tablespoons of light sour cream. You could add corn, and chilies if you wanted more spice, but I am a mexi spice whimp. I know the cals are higher with the real cheese, but I'm not fond of faky cheese. I haven't calculated cals., but since it is primarily tomato and beans, it isn't bad. You could skip the fritos, cheese, sour cream....but then what is the point.

Did some interval training for 40 minutes tonight. Had to stop when the exercises started putting pressure on the hanging out parts. Did talk to our school nurse who use to work at a urologist who specialized in pelvic organ prolapse in women, so I got the number and her referral so I'm going to check it out. She says that if anyone can help he can. So even though I don't have the money, I don't really have a choice, the hanging out is getting worse and more painful, impacting my ability to urinate and move my bowels as well as my ability to exercise. Sorry, I'm such a downer, I hate winter and it gets worse every year. I will try to be positive, if it get's to bad I promise to stay off and not post. I don't need to pull everyone down with me. Candice, etc, good luck on the TT, you all deserve it!! You have worked hard!! Yep it is called an RV resort not trailer park. You are being a "snowbird" not trailer trash.

Janet, if I don't focus on the money problem then I have to face the reality that my life sucks. Yes I know I have 5 healthy beautiful girls. But I rarely see them. I should be satisfied that they are happy and successful. But I'm not. I also hate my job, well lets get real, I don't totally hate my job, I hate dealing with parents and whiney, "I'm entitiled" kids. I don't teach, I babysit. So Oprah would say that I focus on the money issue because I don't want to face the real issue. I'm a loser. On a positive note, my local pharmacist is going to be able to compound my B-complex and amino acid shots so I don't have to drive 3 hours one way to pick them up or pay $50 a month. I met with him today and he says that most of the ingredients are pretty cheap. The b-complex is the most expensive at $25 per vial, but it would make 2 vials, so even without the gas savings and taking time off work it will still come in cheaper than what I'm paying now.

Kari, I'm with you on hating winter. It just means death to me. Everything is brown, no sunshine, no sweet smells of growth. That's why when I'm rich and famous I'm moving out of here. Don't know where I'll go, some place that is in the high 70's to low 80's, oh that's right that is Hawaii! I've seen the ads...I don't know that it will work for me. I've tried the federal bail out, but your house payment has to be over 31% of your gross and my gross is about $100 to much. If I got my gross, that would be fabulous, but unfortunately my net pay is half of my gross pay between taxes, insurance, and union dues (we are a closed shop). Oh well I'll survive.

Walked 3 miles Making healthified taco soup: ground turkey, beans, stewed tomatoes, light sour cream, and cheese. It isn't totally healthified because I can't stand faky cheese. It will be the real stuff. Working on homework, cleaned, laundry, etc. and a fun time was had by all

Slept in this morning, didn't get up until 10 am, really late for me. I guess it was a long week. The docs extracted 1 liter of fluid for dad's lung that has cancer. They will test to determine if the fluid is cancer or just fluid. If it is not cancer they can go in and extract it every couple of week. Now that the fluid is out, dad is feeling much better and able to walk again. Monday he goes in to have a PET scan to determine if the cancer has spread to any other systems. That will be the real prognosis. Dad can not have any more chemo or radiation because of the heart damage that the last round did. We are going to ask if dad can get the experimental drug and he was in the study for. We are guessing that he did not get the test drug when he was in the study, because he has gotten worse, while many people who had the drug saw improvement. I think it is a long shot, but it is worth asking. I'm checking into another job to suppliment the income. I'm hoping to work at Starbucks during the holidays. One of the teachers has a friend that manages the store in Missoula and is going to talk to them about me. It is a 45 minute drive one way, but I need to figure a way to pay bills. That will give me 4 jobs plus my master's program, but I have too many medical bills. Loosing weight has helped me get my prescriptions bill down to $60 a month, instead of $200 a month (I don't have prescription coverage.) I don't have a life now, so being busier won't really make a difference. My sister just had her 57th birthday and regaled me with all the nice things her husband did for her. I guess it doesn't pay to be the 'nice' girl. My sister's nickname in high school was 'Linda Love-Lace' and she earned it. She was the 'other woman' with her husband as well as many others. He later left his wife and 3 kids to marry her. So now she lives the 'easy' life. Biggest decision is how to decorate one of her 3 houses. I know, I'm being bitchy, and guess what, I really don't care. Sorry if I offended anyone with my comments about parenting and play. I guess I don't have the experiences that go with a 'normal' life style. Never really had parents that cared and probably wasn't the best parent myself. You all are lucky to have fond memories, I don't. I also don't relate to most of your life styles that are filled with something other than stuggling. I imagine I really ticked someone off in a previous life. Probably have a healthy dose of envy for my sister & brother & pretty much everyone else. I'm tired of it all, I continue because that's what mothers do. Sorry I'm such a downer, I'm just tired, really really tired.

I have determined the worst thing to happen. Waking up at 2 am to take miss molly potty and thinkin..."Man it's Saturday, I get to sleep in!" Then realizing it isn't Saturday, it Friday, and the Friday of Halloween.

Well Janet, I imagine the difference is that you had both your parents and a husband. For those of use who were single, survival was the most important. But not a problem, the great thing about here, is that we can say what we think and we still care about each other. When I become a grandparent I hope that I have an opportunity to play with my grandkids. I probably did play with my kids for an hour or more each day, but there were times that coming home and feeding them and doing homework was all I can handle. But I then again my kids may well be screwed up as well. And we can agree to disagree.

Kari, I always find a tanning bed cheers me up. Just like drugs,

Yeah Phyl, that's about right. After trying to figure out how to cut my minimum requirement for lab materials, 3 weeks of my life, I finally got it cut by half. However, it is still over my budget, so I finally wrote and attached a letter, "The cost of materials could be further cut by eliminating one of the state and district curriculum requirements, the district can make the decision." So I'm passing the buck, I'm tired of taking on the task of trying to make things work. The district can decide and they can tell me what to teach. Quite frankly, I don't care anymore.

Steph, play is over rated! Now, am I here to entertain you or raise you??? As a parent, we are there to raise them. As kids, their job is to entertain themselves. Now I'm not saying that I never played with my kids, I did board games and such. But really, I think the swing has swung too far that says I am a lousy parent if I don't play dressup or blocks with my kids. Yes I did sit for the occassional tea party. I always stopped to admire my kid's lego creations and had them 'tell me all about it', and took them to the park and bike riding. But I was the parent that hired a babysitter to come in and dye Easter eggs. My kids enjoyed it more if I wasn't around, because they quickly learned, mom is not fun dyeing eggs. Yes it is important to have snuggleup parties with good books and snacks, but it is a kid's job to be a kid and parent's job to be a parent! Okay, you all can yell at me, but I really don't think we will damage a kid's psyche by not playing with them. Interaction is a must, but no says it has to be playing!

Janet, yep I can drink espresso at night as long as I finish by 7 p.m. But remember I am in a drug induced sleep. I've always had sleep issues, even as a kid. I just don't sleep well. Without drugs, I sleep for about an hour and then I wonder the house for 2 hours, usually eating, then doze for a couple of hours. My sleep study showed that I never go into REM sleep. So at about 8:30 I take a couple of amytripaline and by 10 pm I sleep like a baby. I didn't drink coffee for years, but I didn't sleep any better. I'm telling myself I love my new espresso machine, but right now I really hate it. Can't seem to make foam without water coming out of the frother. So I'll play with it some more and if I don't figure it out, I'll send it back. It has a 30 day, unconditional warrenty. I read all the reviews and this one is suppose to be the best for my low price range. The espresso is very smooth and has lots of creme, but the frother has me beat right now, and what's a latte without a good froth. Went to bed at about 9pm last night, was really tired. Just feeling mentally drained. Oh well, it has been a heck of a month. I will be glad when Nov. comes just to 'turn' the calendar and get a fresh start. Dad has his fluid 'extraction' today on his lung. I don't know if they will give dad his results in whether the fluid is cancer cells or not. If it is...well dad will be heading rapidly towards the end. Phyl, you are going to be so fit and skinny by the time I meet you, I won't even know who you are. Keep workin it girl. Very proud of you. Well, have a parent meeting tonight that is really going to be uncomfortable, bleck. This is the kid that lies to me all the time. Yesterday the parent sent an email that TOLD us what we will do to modify things for their child. AND no this child is not special ed. I finally told my admin. that we should just give the kid a 'B' and not waste time, because that is basically what the parent wants. If the parent doesn't reallize the kid is playing them and doesn't mind handicapping their kid for its entire life why should I? Yeah I talk big. On a positive note...no snacks last night. Red beans & rice with turkey sausage and cumin. Pretty tasty and had a reasonable portion. I'm sure it qualified as a slider because I didn't stick on it. But it did keep me full until I went to bed. So anyother recipe added to the arsenal of foods that work.

Steph, if you need another resource let me know and I'll email you my ID & pin # for UM and you can invade their library as well. Home with a migraine. I finally figured out that my students don't know how to read a science book. They just don't know how to transfer their reading a novel skills to reading a science book. So we are stopping curriculum and learning how to read a science book. An example, we are on the 1st page of the reading and I ask the students what is the phrase at the top of the page called (a title) then had no clue, 10 minutes later they still have no clue, so I say, "Okay, if this was a novel what would the phase be called?" Still no clue. After 20 I finally said it is a title. Next question..."What does a title tell us about the section?" 15 minutes later their still don't get that the title is like a main idea. At the end of 45 minutes we had read one paragraph....That's when the migraine started. So tomorrow is a new day, I will NOT get angry, I will NOT grumble, I will smile and say encouraging words and celebrate when they get a small thing right and then I'm going to drink! Remember my 'favorite student' last year. I just hear from a teacher friend in Missoula, the kid just transfer to her school AND to her class. I'm thinking she needs a care package: alcohol to ease the stress, gum, to keep from chewing his head off, and facepaint to paint on a smile when the parents come in and say that she is being unfair because after all their son is perfect Going to take a shower, eat some left overs, figure out how to run my new expresso machine and about 6 tylenol to ease that head. Kari...check your meds. Also check into a full spectrum light or go sit in a tanning bed. Also take some Vitamin D, it helps will stress. Steph, right back at you...you can handle this, I think Michael is playing you a bit. But he could well have attachment issues. Stop beating yourself up, you had to work to feed him, no one is perfect. Work on changing what you can, live with what you can't, and be wise enough to know the difference.