cramerk

1st you are right Janet, I didn't tell Phyl congrats on the crossing the legs and putting on the socks, How rude am I. I was too busy bitching. Well, I guess pay backs are a bitch, now I have to eat crow, heck I have to eat RAVEN.....guess what....ALL 5 OF MY GIRLS ARE COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DD#1 called while I was in town shopping, let's not even talk about the people and she got a cheap flight into....MISSOULA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So she will be here Christmas day and then they are all staying for a few days, not as long as I like, but I HAVE ALL 5 OF MY GIRLS AT HOME AT ONE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DD#1 never flies into Missoula, she always flies into Billings which is by her dad's so she spends most of the time there. But this time she is flying into Missoula and then flying out of Billings, I guess it was the cheapest flight. God was listening to my tears. What the most fabulous Christmas ever!!!!! I mailed her packages so she probably won't have Christmas until she get home unless they arrive before she leaves. AND four of the girls grumbled at DD#5 so much that she is going to stay home for a few extra days, Originally she was going to move back into the dorms on the 27th. Phyl congrats again, I am pond scum for not saying something earlier. I tried to talk mom & dad into coming over, but when I called I found out that dad had been in the hospital, and mother didn't think it was important enough to let me know. I guess they had to drain his lung and give him 2 pints of blood. But all his favorite nurses where there so he was pampered. He had chemo this week and was too weak to talk, but I guess I'll be going over there during break. Candice...I never thought about driving up there??? So girl friend, I'm coming this summer, I don't know exactly where you live, but I'm coming!!! so get those quilting scissors sharp and it is going to be me and you and a butt load of quilting!! I'll bring my baby (featherweight) and we can play dueling sewing machines and see how much we can crank out. AND how did they sty thing go you never said?

Anyway, I best get it together and go shopping. Janet, I know you love shopping, I use to, but not anymore. So I'll check in when I get back. You all have a fun day! TTFN

Sorry about that, my computer froze, I must have something wrong with it every time I turn around it freezes. anyway, Janet you were right about the weight thing...lost 3 pounds, where the heck did that come from. Note the new ticker. If I go with Dr. Ortiz, I only have 5 more pounds to loose. what the heck!

I did watch my movie and hung out with DD#5, I haven't seen her in almost 2 months even though she only is at the dorms is school, maybe 20 miles. But she is an independent cuss and I am WAY not cool enough for her. She isn't even spending the holiday break here. She leaves tomorrow to go to Roundup to hang out with her sister at her sisters dad's house, EX#1. I know I shouldn't be jealous, but there is a small part that is. It isn't her dad, but she loves him like one even though we were married before her. I'm telling myself that she doesn't need to spend time with me because she KNOWS I love her and she doesn't have to prove anything, but it still hurts. She is moving back into the dorms on the 27th so she can take an inner-session class. So I will get to see her for a whopping 3 days. I asked her to go shopping with me today, her answer..."Nope". Also it looks like DD#1 may be home for Christmas, I guess airflights prices are dropping like flies. Problem, she won't fly here. She will fly into Billings and stay with her dad and step-mom. Which means DD#2 & #3 , & #5 will go to Roundup the day after Christmas and I won't see any of them but for one day. I shouldn't whine, but all I ever ask my girls for is just a long weekend 3 lousy days of having all of them home together with me. Oh they will say, come up and stay with us, yeah right. I know I am being petty. It isn't even that it is Christmas, I just want to have my girls all to myself for 3 lousy days. So instead, I will either stay home by myself or go see my dad, which I don't want to do, because I can't take it when I know it is his last Christmas, OH CRAP, I hadn't even thought of that. Is there a hole big enough to crawl into. Janet, maybe I need to check on flights to your place? Nah don't have the money.

Wow you all went to town today, it took me 45 min just to catch up, that's what I like to see. 1st Janet, 'fat quarters' are like quilter's candy. It is a yard of fabric cut in 4 pieces that are 22" x18" instead of a regular 1/4 yard that is 9" x 44". It is fatter so you can get squares out of them. They also allow you to get a little bit of EVERYTHING. The way to a quilters heart, buy them a set of fat quarters that are of a collection of fabric. OR a 'nickle pack' which is a set of 5" squares of a collection of fabric, usually between 36 and 45 in a set. Well tomorrow is weigh day, it won't be good, I feel REALLY fat, I mean REALLY REALLY fat. I am terrified to step on the scale. I forgot to take my shot this week AND I'm out of depression meds, AND this is the last weekend before Christmas AND I haven't gotten the results of my evaluation at school AND I know I have gained 10 pounds AND DD#5 is home AND AND AND AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Okay breathe..... What if it is 10 pounds?????? What if it never comes off??? what if I get fat again???? Janet, will you come and hold my hand while I step on the scale??? CRAP Phyl was the cinnamon roll good? I miss cinnamon rolls. Oh, my lb doc sent me an article on fiber. It was talking about how metamucille (sp) or fiber tabs will help with weight loss and digestive health. I think I am going to add them. Okay, need to go cook dinner, then watch the new Harry Potter. Check in later TTFN

Phyl what a glorious day. That is what the holidays should be like. Steph, you are quite the girl, girlfriend. I think I need to come and knock some sense into you. But I understand the social anxiety. Remember Elyse has it. I would love to say you are being silly, but I know that type of worry can send you over the roof. It must be a huge contributor to the food issues. So now you are doing the right things. Although I do remember a while ago when you were coming over the smack be because of my low self-esteem. It sounds like we are in the same boat and it feels like it is hurtling towards the falls. So what to do...you are making the first step...therapy. Second step....start believing that you are fabulous. I am so envious of your leadership skills. Not only are you incredibly knowledgable, you can present it in a way that people understand. Plus you have never given up on yourself. It would have been so easy to NOT get out there and make changes, but you have. So I know, easy for me to say to stop stressing about it, but think about how liberating it will be when you DO stop stressing. The energy that you will have to put into everything you do. I'd say, 'what's the worst that can happen', but you imagine the worse. So you need to figure out the realistic "what's the worst that can happen". Well think of me, trapped with sugar jacked pre-Christmas wound middle schoolers. All wondering if they will get the newest electronics for Christmas, rather than learning Wegener's fossil evidence of continental shift. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRgggggg.

Got DD#4's purse almost done, but I keep goofing up. So I had to stop for the night. I have 3 more big projects, I have one more purse, an apron and an applique pillow to get done. Hopefully this weekend and then Christmas eve because the girls won't get home until the evening. I have a lousy headache again. The puppies have been barking all day. At least tomorrow is Friday AND payday. So I'll go into town Saturday and buy Christmas food. I'm not sure what we will have. We usually do something fairly easy so we can spend the day playing games,etc. Steph, I'd love to go somewhere with you. I can't run, the hanging out parts hang even more and get painful. I could do a quick walk. But the reality is that unless I have some funds there won't be any trips anywhere. Once I sell my house, I have to get my credit card paid off. Heck we could drive to Vegas with Candice & DH in the RV and stop in Ely, NV and pee on my ex's front yard. I also could stop and put flowers on the grave of my friend and maybe get our wedding ring back from his brother. Now I have depressed myself. Yep I miss him, I figured that I would have invited him up for Christmas. Yeah right. I was too much of a woosie. Janet, keep us updated on the knee. Phyl must still be having a good time. Steph, I don't know how you have managed to hide your social anxiety so well. No one who has met you would ever think that being with people was hard for you. You are going to be okay. Where Michael goes from here is his choice. You will always love him, but you can not control his choices or his destiny. STOP taking responsibility for everything. I love you!

I am enjoying my day so far. Working on a purse for DD#4, so far so good. Taking a little lunch break and then back to it. The puppies are all being irritating. They aren't use to having someone home and they think that they need to be right on top of me. Miss Molly is currently whining at me because the other 2 are under my blanket and she can't figure out how to get there. Janet, let us know what the MRI says, I hope it isn't surgery!

I'm kindof up. Slept in, didn't get up until 6:30!! I wonder how I get up at 4:30 every morning? Yes I am home being a slug!!! Loving every minute of it. Actually will be working on projects for the day. But I am planning on sitting here and drinking another latte and then some breakfast. I know there is a nap scheduled as well. When the kids were younger I loved playing hookie, I'd send them off to school & then have the whole day of quiet! there were a few times I let them play hookie with me and we would just curl up on the couch and watch movies, play games. It always seems so decatant (darn can't spell today). Well time to go make more coffee, TTFN

When I last weighed I was holding, but that was over the weekend and I won't weigh again until this weekend. I will probably gain, but that's life. Here is the awesome part, even if I gain...last year 3 caramels would have seemed like 'dieting' and now it seems like out of control eating. This is huge!!! I know I am going to make it. With all your support I definitely will make it.

Ladies...be ever vigilent. Today at work a student brought me a bag of homemade carmels. Now they were headed to the garbage, but you can't do it when the student is around. I was entering grades, etc. on my computer and looked over and there were 3 YES THREE, empty carmel wrappers. I don't even remember eating them. I must have, no one else gets near my desk, but hell, didn't even know I was eating them enough to enjoy them. So now those calories are lurking around waiting to land on my thighs or waist or something. grrrrrrrrrrrr. Steph, I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE. Okay here's the deal...what type of depression meds are you on? If it is zoloft or lexapro or the generic lexapro, you can increase your amount without risk. My doc, who by the way leans toward the homeopathic but at least realizes that depression is a chemical issue, has me adjust my meds as needed. I always need more in the winter so I up to anywhere between 40 to 60 mg. During the summer I drop to 10 to 20 mg. So here is what you do, use your stock pile to increase your dose, and have the therapist schedule you an appointment with someone in Bismark for one of the days you go for a session. No doc in his right mind is going to not modify your meds right now. Also, how long have you been on the same meds? I was on zoloft for about 10 years, always worked great, but then it stopped. Then went to lexapro and to the generic when it came out. I agree with the staging ideas, heck I've been staging for 6 weeks. Half my possessions are in storage, I only have enough fabric to fill a small drawer. Yeah, I figured it would only be a month. Today, I just couldn't be cheery. So I made sub plans for tomorrow. If school isn't canceled, we are getting freezing rain, I'm feeling ill. I had a headache all day and just couldn't be positive. I imagine half my problem is the sugar overload last night. And then those sneaky carmels, they will crawl right down your throat when you aren't looking. Should go find something for dinner. check in later, love you all

I'm gone for a day and you all have exciting things going on. 1st, glad Karri's surgery went well! Steph, check the meds, and then remember...you have my phone #. you aren't alone. I've been there. You can do this. As Janet says, "you can't control what is going on, but you can control how you react." Girl friend, put the crap down!!! Disappointing meeting with the realtor. My quilt room has to go. I'm to the point of crying. What is the point. The group of realtors who came in really tore the place apart. So I have to dump my plants, too scraggly looking. Tear down the quilting room. Move pictures around, turn my sewing room into a 'family room'. Move furniture, including a huge cabinet, 7 ft tall, that I use for quilting supplies, move half the living room into the new 'family room' and turn all the lights on and open all the curtains. Move the Christmas tree, use the otoman for a coffee table, go buy a tray to put on the ottoman. Move my comfy chair from the living room to the family room. No more snuggling up in it to watch TV. AND consider dropping the price. If I drop the price, I may not clear enough to buy a new place. Party was good, couldn't eat. Was afraid I'd stick, so ended up coming home and eating crap. I'm tired, didn't take my sleep meds until almost 10 pm, so now I'm trying to function while "still under the influence". I should have just skipped them, dumb. I'm to the point I don't care anymore. I'm tired! Tired of it all. Including life. Wrong attitude, but I'm tired. Well best get going. Sorry, like Steph to be such a downer. I just didn't realize I'd have to sacrifice my sewing room and live without a nest for the unforseeable future. Doesn't matter.

Phyl, love the story. I think it is perfect that you found a simple answer to his 'problem', a true 'kick in the pants'. Don't know if I will be posting tonight. But I'm going to try so I can see how everyone's surgery goes. I have a meeting with the realtor after school and then have the nursery Christmas party. It is sad that my summer job has a Christmas party and my 'career' job that I got a degree for doesn't. I know the season at the nursery was not the 'best' money wise, but my boss still treats us like royalty. We go to a steak house and have what ever we want from the menu, yummm, I'm feeling like a nice prime rib!! Only 7 more days of school until break!!!! So Janet, how did the 'Portland' job come up for Karri? Is it tied to the same job that she currently is doing? Hum, maybe they are in need of another science/math teacher for middle school? Nah, I'd never move until my girls are settled and then I'd probably still never move. Although it would be nice to have a larger salary. But for the most part I am comfortable with where I'm at, besides, I pretty much have to stay here for the next 2 years until I'm done with the masters program. If I moved out of state I would no longer be in the program. Still haven't had my formal meeting with the principal on my evaluation. She has 10 days after the observation to meet with me and go over the results. We are on day 8, so she still has a couple more days. I hate when they drag it out, just give it to me will yah!. I should be worried, and I am a little, but the reality is that I don't reall give a hoot. Oh remember, how I had all my math classes taken away? Anyway, I have been spending the last week tutoring and helping math students before school, lunch time, and after school. I shouldn't let it get to me, but it really irritates me that they though this guy could do a better job than I and then I have to tutor his kids. I should be a witch and tell the kids no, and when they all fail, then the admin might do something. This guy is a strict clock watcher, he will leave in the middle of a parent meeting when his contract time is up. so needless to say, he doesn't work his lunch hour and only is available to help students from 7:30 until 8:00 am. He leaves 10 minutes after school is dismissed. It just puts my knickers in a twist, but I can't turn down a kid who needs help. Oh well, I need to quit grumbling. We are suppose to get rain later this week, which will turn to ice on top of the snow. If that happens, school will be closed....oh darn. My luck it will happen during school and the buses won't run AND then I would have to spend the night in my classroom with students, oh hell no. I suppose I should get going. Don't have an idea on what to wear today. I hate to wear anything nice, because it just gets we slogging through the snow from my car to the school. Janet fill us in on Karri. I will check in later if I get a chance. TTFN

Janet, keep us posted on Karri. We will send prayers her way. I have another realtor tour tomorrow. I have tried to polish things up, but with the snow the garage is a swamp. The snow in the wheels is melting. Then there is the doggy footprints all over the floor. I know that it isn't going to go as well as the 1st one. I finally decided to hell with realtor alert, I put the tree up. I found out that the 'perfect' house was a misprint. The listed the wrong house with the price. 1st it isn't in Florence (it is 30 miles away), then there is the wrong price $169, 000 not #139,000. So needless to say, it is a now go. Figures.

Candice, love the babies. I am heading to the shower and then dinner, so I will check in after! TTFN

Good morning, a short post...let's just say that IF you are drinking your coffee while you are on your computer...DON'T COUGH. Just spent the last 15 minutes removing "the cough' from my laptops keyboard and screen. NOT a good combination! Hope you have a good day. TTFN

Phyl, I'm sorry about your dinner, I can't handle dry anything and hot dogs...not my favorite. Choked on one when I was 8, fortunately my aunt hung me by my heels and 'shook' it out of me. We lived 20 miles from the nearest town and I would have died if she hadn't. She weighed 400+ pounds and she died when she was in her 50's. Man, don't know where that came from. Anyway, I could mention that I had roast and carrots for dinner. Was pretty good. I suppose I should get ready for bed. Love you all.

I did get my shoveling done, more like 8 inches than 6. Then went over to one of my quilting friends and shoveled her out. She is 72 and has had back surgery, so I didn't want her out in the snow. That took me about an hour. Then home to make chocolate peanut clusters for my son in law, and then finished embroidery and sewing DD#1 tea towel and got all her gifts wrapped and boxed. I will mail it on Monday. We alway try to make our gifts. This year I found DD#1 an apron at an antique store, and cashmer scarf, just little things. Normally I get DD#4 & DD#5 a big gift, but I can't afford anything much. So got them each a bracelet and necklace, and will make them each a purse. I'll have to wait until payday to get them anything else. Will probably get them each a movie or video game. Yeah the shoveling doesn't do my hanging out very much good. I may look into a pessuray late, but right now, I can't afford it. Will make my dad some peanut brittle and mom some biscotti. My siblings and I are not exchanging gifts because I'm broke. I don't really start enjoying Chistmas until school is out. This year I don't get out until the afternoon of the 23rd, so I don't get much time to prepare.

Okay ladies, I'm going out to shovel the 6 + inches of snow. Think of me!!!

Candice, I'll check into it. Thanks for the idea.

Kari, I have checked into Obama's home bailout. I don't qualify. I do have a Fannie Mae loan, but the monthly payment has to be more that 38% of your GROSS monthly income. My gross income is not bad, however, I only get a little over 1/2 of my gross because of taxes, insurance, and union fees (we are a closed shop). My insurance is high. My house payment is about 1/2 of my actual paycheck. Which shouldn't be to bad, but I still have medical bills from surgery I had 8 years ago and then you throw in the kid bills. My kids pay for themselves for the most part. It is the insurance and food. Thanks for the suggestion. Well we got 6 inches of snow last night. This is Miss Molly's first real snow. She has to 'snowplow' to get through the yard. All you see is her tail and the top of her back and ears. Cute as can be, although she does not think going potty in it is fun. The only thing about it is that now I will need to go shovel the driveway and all the walkways. I have found the perfect house. Just perfect. So everyone I need your prayers that it will still be on the market when mine sells. Here is the link: Hamilton Montana Real Estate - Ravalli County Homes for Sale - Bitterroot Valley It is in Florence and it has an unfinished basement. It just came on the market.

I did enjoy my cassadea, AND stopped eating when I was full, so had 1/2 of a small one, basically 1 tortilla with onion and cheese. Finished embroidering DD#1 dishtowel. So now I just need to wash it and sew on the decorative band and rickrack. Tomorrow need to wrap her presents and get them in the mail on Monday. Will make some peanut clusters for her DH. I have a bit of a headache tonight. Watching Mummy, I love both the movies. If there isn't anything else to watch I do love a little Mummy marathon. Of course it could have soemthing to do with thinking Brandon Frazier is HOT!! almost as good as Kevin Bacon!

Didn't end up eating lunch, so now I am having some 100 cal popcorn. The bars are in the refrigerator and since I made a deal with myself to be able to eat dessert on Tuesday they will be fine. I did talk to DD about how hard it is to have them around. Need to go change laundry. Janet, we have SUCH an exciting life. Hell I went to the store in my sweats, hair in a ponytail, no makeup and unbrushed teeth. I threw a piece of gum in so my breath was okay. Even IF there was a cute guy in the store I wouldn't know what to do with him anyway, EVEN if I looked good. Besides...I'm not really in the market. TTFN

Now I know why I don't eat chicken damn I'm stuck!

Phyl, no big deal, I'm in the middle of sewing anyway. Besides, it allows me to 'pay back' a little. Well, got the dog yard raked and bagged of all to poo, cleaned out my coffee maker, car, and hauled a bunch of boxes to storage. So now I can focus on Christmas projects. Sitting here and am eating chicken and veggies with a little parmesan. I'm feeling a nap coming on, so I think a little one in between laundry loads. It is pretty cold, actually too cold to snow, but I'll think about a walk. Yep, I hate exercise without a purpose. I like to see the end result immediately. muscles are not instant gratification. A new flower bed or some project is. Yeah, I know that selling my Christmas was incredibly unrealistic. I know it will eventually sell, it's the 'eventually' that kills me. I like routine and being settled. This is none of that.