ALuv82

I am starving my freaking tookus off. I guess that’s the point of all of this, in a way—minus the starving part. That part is actually kind of the opposite of what this is about, in the long run anyhow. But tonight I am definitely starving. Tomorrow is my surgery which means I was relegated to clear liquids all day. That means all I was allowed to consume were Italian ices, sugar free jello, broth, juice (of the white grape and apple varieties) and water. I’m here to tell you that while I love Italian ices, if I have to eat another one, I will hurl. Or more likely, I will dry heave, since real vomiting requires there to actually be something of substance in my stomach. And what’s worse is that after midnight I can’t have anything at all—not even water. This wouldn’t be so bad if I had to be at the hospital at 7am, but noooooooo. Of course since I’m young and relatively healthy, I get the last surgery of the day which means I don’t even have to be at the hospital until 2pm. On the bright side, that means less time overall in the hospital. I’ll be drowsy for the rest of the day after I wake up and then go to sleep, and before I know it, it will hopefully be morning and I can do my post surgical tests and go home. And even better is that I will likely be in the hospital for less than 24 hours which saves me $225 in copay. But that also means that I won’t stop starving anytime soon. I suppose I shouldn’t focus on that. I have to focus on the positive—remember what I’m doing this for. I’m doing it to take control of my life. And until today it hasn’t been too bad. The worst part of the liquid diet leading up to today was the lack of variety. Everything tasted sweet except the soups. I have a major sweet tooth and all, but this was a bit much, even for me. As the days went by I actually wound up eating less and less. I think day 4 was the hardest; I was still hungry, but didn’t want to eat any more of the foods I was allowed, which meant I didn’t eat as much as I needed and felt crappy. By days 5 and 6 I really didn’t feel much hunger and wasn’t even consuming a full 6 meals anymore, but I still felt good. Of course I was still consuming some meals, which is more than I can say for my broth sipping, ice-pop sucking day today. Man, I’m really starving. Where was I again? Oh yeah, it’s not so bad… Anyhow, it’s almost over. Or perhaps I should say it’s almost starting. That’s what the lap-band really is—a start. But what I meant was the nerve racking, surgery part is almost over. I’ve kept my nerves pretty well in check, actually. I mean, this is a small hospital with a big bariatric department. They do this all the time so I’m fairly confident that I’ll wake up from anesthesia plus one lap band and not minus one leg or with a bald head and my cranium held together by circlage wire or something. And the anesthesia’s not too scary to me either. I don’t know if that’s because in my job we do anesthesia and surgery every day with 1/10th the resources and the patients do just fine so I’m not that nervous, or because I just don’t let myself experience the nerves because I don’t like to deal with my feelings. I would however love to deal with the feelings of hunger I’m currently experiencing. Gah, I need to stop thinking about food. What wouldn’t I do for some of that pot roast my mother made for her and my Dad last night? Especially with a nice buttered piece of challah. God, that sounds good. But I won’t be eating that anytime soon. Hopefully one day I will once again be able to enjoy such a treat—in my new lap-band aided policy of moderation, of course. That’s about it for tonight. I’ll be back on Tuesday with the skinny from the big day. Toodles.

I am starving my freaking tookus off. I guess that’s the point of all of this, in a way—minus the starving part. That part is actually kind of the opposite of what this is about, in the long run anyhow. But tonight I am definitely starving. Tomorrow is my surgery which means I was relegated to clear liquids all day. That means all I was allowed to consume were Italian ices, sugar free jello, broth, juice (of the white grape and apple varieties) and water. I’m here to tell you that while I love Italian ices, if I have to eat another one, I will hurl. Or more likely, I will dry heave, since real vomiting requires there to actually be something of substance in my stomach. And what’s worse is that after midnight I can’t have anything at all—not even water. This wouldn’t be so bad if I had to be at the hospital at 7am, but noooooooo. Of course since I’m young and relatively healthy, I get the last surgery of the day which means I don’t even have to be at the hospital until 2pm. On the bright side, that means less time overall in the hospital. I’ll be drowsy for the rest of the day after I wake up and then go to sleep, and before I know it, it will hopefully be morning and I can do my post surgical tests and go home. And even better is that I will likely be in the hospital for less than 24 hours which saves me $225 in copay. But that also means that I won’t stop starving anytime soon. I suppose I shouldn’t focus on that. I have to focus on the positive—remember what I’m doing this for. I’m doing it to take control of my life. And until today it hasn’t been too bad. The worst part of the liquid diet leading up to today was the lack of variety. Everything tasted sweet except the soups. I have a major sweet tooth and all, but this was a bit much, even for me. As the days went by I actually wound up eating less and less. I think day 4 was the hardest; I was still hungry, but didn’t want to eat any more of the foods I was allowed, which meant I didn’t eat as much as I needed and felt crappy. By days 5 and 6 I really didn’t feel much hunger and wasn’t even consuming a full 6 meals anymore, but I still felt good. Of course I was still consuming some meals, which is more than I can say for my broth sipping, ice-pop sucking day today. Man, I’m really starving. Where was I again? Oh yeah, it’s not so bad… Anyhow, it’s almost over. Or perhaps I should say it’s almost starting. That’s what the lap-band really is—a start. But what I meant was the nerve racking, surgery part is almost over. I’ve kept my nerves pretty well in check, actually. I mean, this is a small hospital with a big bariatric department. They do this all the time so I’m fairly confident that I’ll wake up from anesthesia plus one lap band and not minus one leg or with a bald head and my cranium held together by circlage wire or something. And the anesthesia’s not too scary to me either. I don’t know if that’s because in my job we do anesthesia and surgery every day with 1/10th the resources and the patients do just fine so I’m not that nervous, or because I just don’t let myself experience the nerves because I don’t like to deal with my feelings. I would however love to deal with the feelings of hunger I’m currently experiencing. Gah, I need to stop thinking about food. What wouldn’t I do for some of that pot roast my mother made for her and my Dad last night? Especially with a nice buttered piece of challah. God, that sounds good. But I won’t be eating that anytime soon. Hopefully one day I will once again be able to enjoy such a treat—in my new lap-band aided policy of moderation, of course. That’s about it for tonight. I’ll be back on Tuesday with the skinny from the big day. Toodles.

This afternoon I had my last work-out with my personal trainer, J, before surgery. In honor of this I finally let him take my measurements like he’d been trying to convince me to since I first started working out with him last summer. I though it would be good to have some starting stats, so here they are. Weigh-in #1 Weight- 308.4# (I was actually 313.4# on Mon night so I’ve already lost 5#. Yay me!) Chest- 52.5” Shoulders- 49.5” Waist- 51.5” Hips- 59.5” Thigh- 29.5” Calf- 20” Arm- 21.5” So, there it is, ladies and gentlemen. The numbers don’t lie, but they will change. My next official weight will be on surgery day, then I figure I’ll generally weigh in weekly and take my measurements once a month. Till then, wish me yummy sugar-free jello.

This afternoon I had my last work-out with my personal trainer, J, before surgery. In honor of this I finally let him take my measurements like he’d been trying to convince me to since I first started working out with him last summer. I though it would be good to have some starting stats, so here they are. Weigh-in #1 Weight- 308.4# (I was actually 313.4# on Mon night so I’ve already lost 5#. Yay me!) Chest- 52.5” Shoulders- 49.5” Waist- 51.5” Hips- 59.5” Thigh- 29.5” Calf- 20” Arm- 21.5” So, there it is, ladies and gentlemen. The numbers don’t lie, but they will change. My next official weight will be on surgery day, then I figure I’ll generally weigh in weekly and take my measurements once a month. Till then, wish me yummy sugar-free jello.

I finally started my pre-op diet Monday. As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, the pre-op diet is for one week prior to surgery. The main purpose is to shrink my liver. The liver stores energy in the form of fat and glycogen By adhering to this diet which is low in fat and sugar, my body will utilize the energy stores and my liver will get smaller. This helps Dr. G to be able to visualize my stomach during the procedure since the liver can get in the way. The other purpose of the diet is to help prepare me for the liquid plan I must follow for two weeks after surgery, though there are a few differences between the two. For this week the composition of the food is the most important thing and after surgery the consistency is the most important characteristic. The main component of both diets is the liquid meal replacement drinks. The nutritionist who works with Dr. G recommended the Medifast drinks you order online although she did give me a few alternatives such as Muscle Milk Light and Designer Whey Protein drinks. The drinks are kind of ridiculously expensive but I figured since I wasn’t eating anything else and these three weeks surrounding surgery are the most important, I went with the nutritionist’s first recommendation and ordered the Medifast. It’s interesting that chocolate protein shakes don’t taste like any other form of chocolate known to man. Not that my Medifast drinks are completely awful but they’re certainly not chocolatey goodness either. The ready to drink versions are the best tasting. They come in chocolate and vanilla but I only ordered the chocolate. They also make powdered forms that come in other flavors—strawberry crème, orange crème, and swiss mocha. I’d have to say the swiss mocha was the best of the powdered drinks but the ready to drink ones are the best overall. I’m also allowed to have soup. Right now I can eat soups without removing the chunks, although they must be less than 3 grams of fat per serving. After surgery the fat content doesn’t matter so much, but I can’t have any chunks. This is because there will be swelling around the band and solid food will not be able to pass from the stomach pouch they create into the rest of the digestive track. I can still have chicken noodle soup if I want, but only if I puree it, which sounds honestly disgusting. Otherwise I can drink smooth soups like cream of tomato. The other food items I’m allowed to eat are fat free, no sugar added yogurt (though it can have natural sugar from the dairy and from fruit), fat free, no sugar added pudding, skim milk, sugar free Jello, and no sugar added ice-pops. During the first three days of the pre-op diet the nutritionist said I could have saltines, plain vegetables or 1 piece of fresh fruit, but recommended keeping those items to a minimum. Sounds appetizing, right :tounge_smile: But so far it hasn’t been so bad. I’ve been told the first three days are the hardest and I’m halfway through day 3 now. If this is the hardest, I’m sure I’ll be able to make it through. Am I hungry? Of course. Was I craving a piece of the cheese cake or the homemade perogies the people in my office brought in on liquid diet day # 1 (wasn’t that so nice of them?)? Hell yeah! But I haven’t had any head aches or dizziness and I’m not ravenous or anything. I’ve been going to the gym everyday and I don’t have as much energy to push myself hard, but I’m still making it through. And honestly, knowing I can’t have something makes it easier for me. Usually I have an internal debate with myself about whether or not I should eat something. But now when I want it, I know I can’t have it and that’s all there is too it. There’s no debating about it and that means I don’t focus on it as much. Of course I’m still worried about how well I’ll do after the surgery when I’m allowed to eat regular food again. Will I still have so much self control once I have my options back? I hope so, but I guess only time will tell. Five days to Band-land.

I finally started my pre-op diet Monday. As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, the pre-op diet is for one week prior to surgery. The main purpose is to shrink my liver. The liver stores energy in the form of fat and glycogen By adhering to this diet which is low in fat and sugar, my body will utilize the energy stores and my liver will get smaller. This helps Dr. G to be able to visualize my stomach during the procedure since the liver can get in the way. The other purpose of the diet is to help prepare me for the liquid plan I must follow for two weeks after surgery, though there are a few differences between the two. For this week the composition of the food is the most important thing and after surgery the consistency is the most important characteristic. The main component of both diets is the liquid meal replacement drinks. The nutritionist who works with Dr. G recommended the Medifast drinks you order online although she did give me a few alternatives such as Muscle Milk Light and Designer Whey Protein drinks. The drinks are kind of ridiculously expensive but I figured since I wasn’t eating anything else and these three weeks surrounding surgery are the most important, I went with the nutritionist’s first recommendation and ordered the Medifast. It’s interesting that chocolate protein shakes don’t taste like any other form of chocolate known to man. Not that my Medifast drinks are completely awful but they’re certainly not chocolatey goodness either. The ready to drink versions are the best tasting. They come in chocolate and vanilla but I only ordered the chocolate. They also make powdered forms that come in other flavors—strawberry crème, orange crème, and swiss mocha. I’d have to say the swiss mocha was the best of the powdered drinks but the ready to drink ones are the best overall. I’m also allowed to have soup. Right now I can eat soups without removing the chunks, although they must be less than 3 grams of fat per serving. After surgery the fat content doesn’t matter so much, but I can’t have any chunks. This is because there will be swelling around the band and solid food will not be able to pass from the stomach pouch they create into the rest of the digestive track. I can still have chicken noodle soup if I want, but only if I puree it, which sounds honestly disgusting. Otherwise I can drink smooth soups like cream of tomato. The other food items I’m allowed to eat are fat free, no sugar added yogurt (though it can have natural sugar from the dairy and from fruit), fat free, no sugar added pudding, skim milk, sugar free Jello, and no sugar added ice-pops. During the first three days of the pre-op diet the nutritionist said I could have saltines, plain vegetables or 1 piece of fresh fruit, but recommended keeping those items to a minimum. Sounds appetizing, right :thumbup: But so far it hasn’t been so bad. I’ve been told the first three days are the hardest and I’m halfway through day 3 now. If this is the hardest, I’m sure I’ll be able to make it through. Am I hungry? Of course. Was I craving a piece of the cheese cake or the homemade perogies the people in my office brought in on liquid diet day # 1 (wasn’t that so nice of them?)? Hell yeah! But I haven’t had any head aches or dizziness and I’m not ravenous or anything. I’ve been going to the gym everyday and I don’t have as much energy to push myself hard, but I’m still making it through. And honestly, knowing I can’t have something makes it easier for me. Usually I have an internal debate with myself about whether or not I should eat something. But now when I want it, I know I can’t have it and that’s all there is too it. There’s no debating about it and that means I don’t focus on it as much. Of course I’m still worried about how well I’ll do after the surgery when I’m allowed to eat regular food again. Will I still have so much self control once I have my options back? I hope so, but I guess only time will tell. Five days to Band-land.

So the big day is closing in…and I’m starting to freak the hell out!!! I’m scared as frack for a multitude of reasons and my trepidation is increasing with each passing day. Tomorrow I start my pre-op diet. I did try to be good this past week, at least in the beginning. But then I seemed honestly, legitimately more hungry than usual and my junk food cravings were unbearable. I would be good all day then come home and give in to the ice cream in the refrigerator or feel the intense need to stop at 7-11 on the way home and pick up a candy bar (or two). This definitely didn’t help my nerves. If I can’t even go two days without chocolate, how the heck am I supposed to go two months without solid food? What if I really can’t do this? What if I fail? Sure, I’d considered the possibility of failure going into this. I know the statistics. I know it doesn’t work for everyone. I know a lot of people find ways to eat around the band and manage to eventually gain back any weight they lost in the beginning stages. I knew that I might never reach my goal or that I might, in the long run, not lose any significant amount of weight at all. I knew these things from the beginning, but all those images of skinny me at my sister’s wedding this fall, or my ten year high school reunion next year, or me in a sexy outfit in a bar in the city getting hit on by cute boys sometime in the foreseeable future, were the possibilities my head focused in on. I figured once the changes had been made to my body from this surgery I wouldn’t be allowed to pig out. I wouldn’t be able to binge on junk food. And I’m a good girl; when there’s a rule I follow it. So long as I had a hard and fast reason to eat better, I would stop being able to rationalize the bad things I ate, and I would succeed. Or at least that’s what I believed—or what I wanted to believe. But I know it’s not going to be that easy. I’m going to be fighting those cravings all the time, especially in the beginning and If I couldn’t say ‘no’ this week, how will I do it next week, and the week after that, and for the rest of my life? Will I find a way? Or will this just be another failed attempt of mine to lose weight? And that’s not all that scares me. Because let’s be honest here—I didn’t get to be 315 lbs by not liking food. In fact, I love food. And I don’t just love food. I love sitting down and stuffing my face with mass quantities of disgusting, bad for me food. Right now I’m living at my parents house, since I had no money when I graduated vet school, and decided to stay at home for a year or so and save up money to buy my own place (which I will be moving into in a couple of months, but that’s a blog for another day.) Anyhow, the point is that even though I’m living at home, I’m 27, an adult and a doctor who is responsible for many lives on a daily basis. I should be adult enough to be responsible for my own life. My choices should be my own and I shouldn’t have to hide things from my parents just because I’m living under their roof at the moment. And yet, I do. I don’t hide boys, or pot, or alcohol--I hide food. When they go away and I know I’m going to have the house to myself, I think—“oh yay! I can stay in and watch a movie and order an entire pizza and eat it by myself.” I know this is not a healthy view to have on food, or on life in general, but it’s the way my mind thinks. I actually look forward to the opportunity to binge. And now I won’t be able to do that again—ever. Which is good. I shouldn’t ever do that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. And knowing that I can’t use large quantities of food to comfort myself is scary. Now I might actually have to deal with my emotions and to be perfectly honest, I don’t even think I know what my emotions are any more, I’ve been eating them down for so long. And then there are the minor scary things. I’ve never had anesthesia before or even spent a night in the hospital (except the sleep studies I had to do) both of which I will have to do next week for the surgery. How will the recovery go? Will I be in much pain? How will I survive a week at home with my mother without the possibility of escaping to work? (that last one is definitely the scariest.) So well, the freak-out isn’t exactly over, but I guess I’m done ranting about it for now. I’ll probably be back a few more times this week as D-day approaches. Tomorrow I think I’m getting weighed and measured by my PT at the gym so I’ll have some accurate starting stats to share with you. Until then, I’m going to try and convince myself that a week of Medi-Fast and fat-free, no sugar added yogurt sounds delicious.

Hey, welcome to LBT. I commend you on taking this step and choosing to get the band. I'm working towards this goal too. I hope losing the weight can help you take back your self esteem and your life but know that it's about more than what you look like and if you really want to over come your fears you will need to comfront them. You will probably be required to see a psychiatrist or psychologist before being approved for surgery and I hope they can help you discover your self worth regardless of your size.

Well the nutritionist that my surgeon uses told me to use the Medi-fast shakes you order online so I just got those and figured I'll have to sweat it out if I don't like it. I have to disagree however with whoever it was who said that getting Protein in isn'tt hat big of a deal right now. Yes, out bodies have plenty of nutrients to utilize already but not matter how much you way your body can NOT synthasize protein. If you don't get enough all it can do it break down the protein already in our body (ie muscle). I would much rather be breaking down fat at this point and the more mucle I have the easier that is to do. So make sure whatever you choose has plenty of protein in it.

Maybe I'm being overly ambitious here since everyone else seems to be sticking to 20# but I'm gonna go out on a limb. Bunny Bandster's July 4th Challenge Bunny's name ------ Bunny's target loss --- Bunny's start weight --- Current date --- Bunny's Current weight --- Bunny's target July 4 weight PharmaGirl ----------------- 20lb --------------------- ? -------------------- 1 May --------------------- ?-------------------------- ? NYLady --------------------- 20lb --------------------- ? -------------------- 1 May ----------------------? ------------------------- ? Lingling---------------------20lb (9kg)----------------?-----------------------1 May ----------------------?------------------------? JayTee---------------------20lb ----------------?-----------------------1 May ----------------------?------------------------? MrsMitch ----------------- 20lb --------------------- ? -------------------- 1 May --------------------- ?-------------------------- ? ALuv82----------------- 30lb --------------------- ? -------------------- 1 May --------------------- ?-------------------------- ?

I wouldn't say I'm having second thoughts, but I am starting to freak-out a bit. I'm not so much scared about the surgery as I am about how m life is going to change after and whether or not I'll be able to pull it off.

Yay for entering band land. My surgery is coming up a week from tomorrow so it's good to hear all the details. Although my surgeon has is stay in the hospital one night and does the barium swallow the next day.

It's good to hear that you're doing well so far. I'll be their myself soon--My surgery is a week from tomorrow. It's always comforting to read about how others are making it through the early stages. It give me hope. Keep up the good work.

Congrats on your decision to take control of your life and your health. And thanks for sharing your story with us.

Yay! Congrats. I can't wait to fit into some skinny clothes.

Wow, that's amazing. If I can do hald that well I'll be happy. Good job.

Doing this for our health should definitely be the main reason, but it's not just about that. It's healthy to acknowledge all of the reasons. This is about taking back control of our lives, and our health is just one part of that. Glad you realized that today.

I start my pre-op diet tomorrow so I can imagine your pain. I can't even imagine how hard it's going to be. I wish I could give you some advice but since I haven't started yet, I haven't figured out what works for me. As for how much and what you can eat, I think it varries by surgeon. I can only eat fresh veggies for the 1st 3 days of my diet. But for the whole thing I can have soup (with chunks) as long as it's less than 3 grams of fat per serving. Good luck, I'm wishing ou the best.

So the big day is closing in…and I’m starting to freak the hell out!!! I’m scared as frack for a multitude of reasons and my trepidation is increasing with each passing day. Tomorrow I start my pre-op diet. I did try to be good this past week, at least in the beginning. But then I seemed honestly, legitimately more hungry than usual and my junk food cravings were unbearable. I would be good all day then come home and give in to the ice cream in the refrigerator or feel the intense need to stop at 7-11 on the way home and pick up a candy bar (or two). This definitely didn’t help my nerves. If I can’t even go two days without chocolate, how the heck am I supposed to go two months without solid food? What if I really can’t do this? What if I fail? Sure, I’d considered the possibility of failure going into this. I know the statistics. I know it doesn’t work for everyone. I know a lot of people find ways to eat around the band and manage to eventually gain back any weight they lost in the beginning stages. I knew that I might never reach my goal or that I might, in the long run, not lose any significant amount of weight at all. I knew these things from the beginning, but all those images of skinny me at my sister’s wedding this fall, or my ten year high school reunion next year, or me in a sexy outfit in a bar in the city getting hit on by cute boys sometime in the foreseeable future, were the possibilities my head focused in on. I figured once the changes had been made to my body from this surgery I wouldn’t be allowed to pig out. I wouldn’t be able to binge on junk food. And I’m a good girl; when there’s a rule I follow it. So long as I had a hard and fast reason to eat better, I would stop being able to rationalize the bad things I ate, and I would succeed. Or at least that’s what I believed—or what I wanted to believe. But I know it’s not going to be that easy. I’m going to be fighting those cravings all the time, especially in the beginning and If I couldn’t say ‘no’ this week, how will I do it next week, and the week after that, and for the rest of my life? Will I find a way? Or will this just be another failed attempt of mine to lose weight? And that’s not all that scares me. Because let’s be honest here—I didn’t get to be 315 lbs by not liking food. In fact, I love food. And I don’t just love food. I love sitting down and stuffing my face with mass quantities of disgusting, bad for me food. Right now I’m living at my parents house, since I had no money when I graduated vet school, and decided to stay at home for a year or so and save up money to buy my own place (which I will be moving into in a couple of months, but that’s a blog for another day.) Anyhow, the point is that even though I’m living at home, I’m 27, an adult and a doctor who is responsible for many lives on a daily basis. I should be adult enough to be responsible for my own life. My choices should be my own and I shouldn’t have to hide things from my parents just because I’m living under their roof at the moment. And yet, I do. I don’t hide boys, or pot, or alcohol--I hide food. When they go away and I know I’m going to have the house to myself, I think—“oh yay! I can stay in and watch a movie and order an entire pizza and eat it by myself.” I know this is not a healthy view to have on food, or on life in general, but it’s the way my mind thinks. I actually look forward to the opportunity to binge. And now I won’t be able to do that again—ever. Which is good. I shouldn’t ever do that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. And knowing that I can’t use large quantities of food to comfort myself is scary. Now I might actually have to deal with my emotions and to be perfectly honest, I don’t even think I know what my emotions are any more, I’ve been eating them down for so long. And then there are the minor scary things. I’ve never had anesthesia before or even spent a night in the hospital (except the sleep studies I had to do) both of which I will have to do next week for the surgery. How will the recovery go? Will I be in much pain? How will I survive a week at home with my mother without the possibility of escaping to work? (that last one is definitely the scariest.) So well, the freak-out isn’t exactly over, but I guess I’m done ranting about it for now. I’ll probably be back a few more times this week as D-day approaches. Tomorrow I think I’m getting weighed and measured by my PT at the gym so I’ll have some accurate starting stats to share with you. Until then, I’m going to try and convince myself that a week of Medi-Fast and fat-free, no sugar added yogurt sounds delicious.