Zannie

Really...? I have not had red meat (and NO pork is not the other white meat -- I mean what color is ham or bacon! Oh, sorry -- tangent!) since 9th grade/1989. It was an animal rights vote at the time, but now it's just habit really. (And my fear that if I tasted ground chuck I'd upchuck at the thought...) But since my banding, I feel so limited by the restrictions I've put on my own diet that I've started tossing around the notion of eating ground beef again. How is it that you get enough variety AND "Protein first" foods with a vegan diet? Maybe your protein finds would help shake me from my "food is boring" funk.... Suzanne

I couldn't agree more... Saggy skin DOES suck! And I've got tons of it... My boobs have gone from a plump if pendulous 52DD to a flat, droopy, crepe papered 38H. Yes H!!! I wasn't an H while breastfeeding for pitty's sake! And my underarms wave on for days after I've stopped... I know my jiggling thighs are going to be problematic, too. And the apron area is awful! Talk about your Dunlap (as in: done lapped over the belt)! Egad! But I'd take saggy skin over that ~100 pounds ANY day! I read something once by a pro-exercise guru-type that said if we hit our real ideal BMIs that the skin, being an organ and NOT crepe paper, after all, would eventually respond to the new shape of our bodies & re-conform to the slimmer contours. That as WLS patients we give up on the skin & go for reconstruction before the organ has had a real chance to adjust to the weight loss... What do y'all think about that? Of course my WLS doc just said to me this month that I can start interviewing plastic surgeons at 18 months for tummy tucks etc at the 2 year mark. So who the *bleep* knows!! But I so do not like the thought of even more surgery....:rolleyes2:, so I'm hoping the guru-guy is right!

[Warning: whining ahead, and please pardon the cross-post!] I was really doing very well with my Band -- until the holidays. I started a 320 on my Band-date of Feb 15, 2007, and lost 100 pounds by the end of Nov'07 – my doc said that was “bypass results” & was very happy with my progress. I did just fine thru Thanksgiving, but “Christmas” isn’t a single day in my world. It’s an entire season beginning the day after Thanksgiving and ending on the 12th day after Christmas, and one celebrated primarily with food. While I didn’t over-eat at a single meal even once over “the season” it seems a treat or two several days of the week sure added up!!! I gained 6 pounds from Nov 30th to Jan 2nd – SIX POUNDS! (And that 6 feels more like 60 – suddenly I understand where those skinny people complaining that they’ve gotta drop those 5 holiday pounds are coming from!) I went in for my 1st fill since July on Jan 10th and am quite tight, the tightest-feeling fill yet actually. (I had my 2nd ever foamy, slimy spitting up last week -- a homemade turkey meatball. I started to think I might even need an UNfill because my meatballs have never caused me problems before, but I have not had additional stuck/PB incidents since then, so...) Over the last 3 weeks, I have lost 4 of the 6 pounds I gained, but basically I wasted Dec & Jan in terms of loosing the original pre-Band weight!! I'm so mad at myself.... Anyhow…my point is that I’d been doing quite well until the holidays – I thought I had this LapBand thing down pat. Pretty cocky of me, eh? :rolleyes2: But now I miss all the yummy, comforting foods & am totally bored with “Band foods” that were my steadfast standbys. And these chalky Protein shakes :ack2: that were a part of my daily life just can’t compare to my mom’s holiday cooking! Also, I totally dropped my exercise program what with the changes of routine in December, and I just can’t seem to motivate myself to start again!!! (Sheesh, it was hard enough to start in the 1st place when I had threats of post-op blood clots dangling over my head! ) I got to be 320 because I just couldn’t be bothered with doing any “extra” physical activity beyond day-to-day living. And that's where I am again, mentally. I have cut out the “I’ll just have one” snacking since holiday treats are gone anyway, but that alone won’t get the scale tipping in the right direction. I know that I need to get it in gear again, but I can’t seem to force myself on the friggin' treadmill!! Any excuse will do not to exercise – the current one is that I have a wicked cold & feel just miserable, but really I think a hangnail would suffice. What I need is a swift kick in the A$$, but I’d settle for a (motivationally intended) lambasting! I know participating again at LapBandTalk would be helpful to me. It was very inspiring in the beginning of this journey to be surrounded with people (both in person & on-line) who are traveling the same path, especially starting with a BMI of 58. But (woe is me) I’ve had my share of "personal crisis" since my Banding (working with my therapist thru a fairly big depression resulting from it), and I just haven’t felt the “taking care of me for a change” drive that used to bring me to LBT several times a day. Anyhow! I don’t want to hit my Bandiversary in 3 weeks still UP from my 100# loss from November!! I was so proud of myself for hitting that mark, and am so dissapointed in myself for slipping back down from it... And I really was shooting for a loss of 104 pounds by 1-year – that mythical 2 pounds a week! Six pounds between now & Feb 15th -- that's just 21 days...I doubt I'll make it at this rate. :bigear: I don’t know how/what to do to get myself back on the Bandwagon. But I do KNOW I’ve GOT to DO something about my lack of motivation, boredom & general attitude… Thanks for listening to me whine… :ack2: I'm done now! :wub: Perhaps dumping it out here at LBT by way of update & confession to y’all will serve as a purge of sorts!

[Warning: whining ahead, and please pardon the cross-post!] I was really doing very well with my Band -- until the holidays. I was banded Feb 15, 2007, and lost 100 pounds by the end of November – my doc said that was “bypass results” & was very happy with my progress. I did just fine thru Thanksgiving, but “Christmas” isn’t a single day in my world. It’s an entire season beginning the day after Thanksgiving and ending on the 12th day after Christmas, and one celebrated primarily with food. While I didn’t over-eat at a single meal even once over “the season” it seems a treat or two several days of the week sure added up!!! I gained 6 pounds from Nov 30th to Jan 2nd – SIX POUNDS! (And that 6 feels more like 60 – suddenly I understand where those skinny people complaining that they’ve gotta drop those 5 holiday pounds are coming from!) I went in for my 1st fill since July on Jan 10th and am quite tight, the tightest-feeling fill yet actually. (I had my 2nd ever foamy, slimy spitting up last week -- a homemade turkey meatball. I started to think I might even need an UNfill because my meatballs have never caused me problems before, but I have not had additional stuck/PB incidents since then, so...) Over the last 3 weeks, I have lost 4 of the 6 pounds I gained, but basically I wasted Dec & Jan in terms of loosing the original pre-Band weight!! Anyhow…my point is that I’d been doing quite well until the holidays – I thought I had this LapBand thing down pat. Pretty cocky of me, eh? :rolleyes2: But now I miss all the yummy, comforting foods & am totally bored with “Band foods” that were my steadfast standbys. And these chalky protein shakes :ack2: that were a part of my daily life just can’t compare to my mom’s holiday cooking! Also, I totally dropped my exercise program what with the changes of routine in December, and I just can’t seem to motivate myself to start again!!! (Sheesh, it was hard enough to start in the 1st place when I had threats of post-op blood clots dangling over my head! ) I got to be 320 because I just couldn’t be bothered with doing any “extra” physical activity beyond day-to-day living. And that's where I am again, mentally. I have cut out the “I’ll just have one” snacking since holiday treats are gone anyway, but that alone won’t get the scale tipping in the right direction. I know that I need to get it in gear again, but I can’t seem to force myself on the treadmill!! Any excuse will do not to exercise – the current one is that I have a wicked cold & feel just miserable, but really I think a hangnail would suffice. What I need is a swift kick in the A$$, but I’d settle for a (motivationally intended) lambasting! I know participating again at LapBandTalk would be helpful to me. It was very inspiring in the beginning of this journey to be surrounded with people (both in person & on-line) who are traveling the same path. But I’ve had my share of "personal crisis" since my Banding & am working with my therapist thru a fairly big depression resulting from it, and I just haven’t felt the “taking care of me for a change” drive that used to bring me to LBT several times a day. I do appreciate that several of you have noticed my absence & cared enough to check in on me… I feel the love, ladies! :wub: Even if I’ve been in such a funk that replying seemed a monumental task… Anyhow! I don’t want to hit my Bandiversary in 3 weeks still UP from my 100# loss from November!! And I really was shooting for a loss of 104 pounds by 1-year – that mythical 2 pounds a week! Six pounds between now & Feb 15th -- that's just 21 days...I doubt I'll make it at this rate. I don’t know how/what to do to get myself back on the Bandwagon. But I do KNOW I’ve GOT to DO something about my lack of motivation, boredom & general attitude… Thanks for listening to me whine… :bigear: I'm done now! Perhaps dumping it out here at LBT by way of update & confession to y’all will serve as a purge of sorts!

[Warning: whining ahead, and please pardon the cross-post!] I was really doing very well with my Band -- until the holidays. I was banded Feb 15, 2007, and lost 100 pounds by the end of November – my doc said that was “bypass results” & was very happy with my progress. I did just fine thru Thanksgiving, but “Christmas” isn’t a single day in my world. It’s an entire season beginning the day after Thanksgiving and ending on the 12th day after Christmas, and one celebrated primarily with food. While I didn’t over-eat at a single meal even once over “the season” it seems a treat or two several days of the week sure added up!!! I gained 6 pounds from Nov 30th to Jan 2nd – SIX POUNDS! (And that 6 feels more like 60 – suddenly I understand where those skinny people complaining that they’ve gotta drop those 5 holiday pounds are coming from!) I went in for my 1st fill since July on Jan 10th and am quite tight, the tightest-feeling fill yet actually. (I had my 2nd ever foamy, slimy spitting up last week -- a homemade turkey meatball. I started to think I might even need an UNfill because my meatballs have never caused me problems before, but I have not had additional stuck/PB incidents since then, so...) Over the last 3 weeks, I have lost 4 of the 6 pounds I gained, but basically I wasted Dec & Jan in terms of loosing the original pre-Band weight!! Anyhow…my point is that I’d been doing quite well until the holidays – I thought I had this LapBand thing down pat. Pretty cocky of me, eh? :rolleyes2: But now I miss all the yummy, comforting foods & am totally bored with “Band foods” that were my steadfast standbys. And these chalky protein shakes :ack2: that were a part of my daily life just can’t compare to my mom’s holiday cooking! Also, I totally dropped my exercise program what with the changes of routine in December, and I just can’t seem to motivate myself to start again!!! (Sheesh, it was hard enough to start in the 1st place when I had threats of post-op blood clots dangling over my head! ) I got to be 320 because I just couldn’t be bothered with doing any “extra” physical activity beyond day-to-day living. And that's where I am again, mentally. I have cut out the “I’ll just have one” snacking since holiday treats are gone anyway, but that alone won’t get the scale tipping in the right direction. I know that I need to get it in gear again, but I can’t seem to force myself on the treadmill!! Any excuse will do not to exercise – the current one is that I have a wicked cold & feel just miserable, but really I think a hangnail would suffice. What I need is a swift kick in the A$$, but I’d settle for a (motivationally intended) lambasting! I know participating again at LapBandTalk would be helpful to me. It was very inspiring in the beginning of this journey to be surrounded with people (both in person & on-line) who are traveling the same path. But I’ve had my share of "personal crisis" since my Banding & am working with my therapist thru a fairly big depression resulting from it, and I just haven’t felt the “taking care of me for a change” drive that used to bring me to LBT several times a day. I do appreciate that several of you have noticed my absence & cared enough to check in on me… I feel the love, ladies! :wub: Even if I’ve been in such a funk that replying seemed a monumental task… Anyhow! I don’t want to hit my Bandiversary in 3 weeks still UP from my 100# loss from November!! And I really was shooting for a loss of 104 pounds by 1-year – that mythical 2 pounds a week! Six pounds between now & feb 15th -- that's just day...I doubt I'll make it at this rate. I don’t know how/what to do to get myself back on the Bandwagon. But I do KNOW I’ve GOT to DO something about my lack of motivation, boredom & general attitude… Thanks for listening to me whine… :bigear: I'm done now! Perhaps dumping it out here at LBT by way of update & confession to y’all will serve as a purge of sorts!

Ladydi -- congratulations! :clap2: A 16 -- WOW!! :girl_hug: I haven't been a 16 since graduating high school... That's the top end of "normal" sized clothes, as I recall! :biggrin1: No more "W" for you now! WAHOOO!!!

It's been so long since I posted here, but I really wanted to share... I've lost 100 POUNDS!!! Next stop: ONEderland!

Okay, y'all... It's anniversary time again -- lets get an update! I'm 9-months out today...how can that be possible? Am I really doing my math right? I had a check-up at my surgery center Wednesday and am down from my high of 320 on my surgery date to 226 pounds! :cheer2: 94 POUNDS LOST! :cheer2: I'm doing really well at embracing the changes in lifestyle that this tool requires and couldn't be happier with my weight loss. I've far exceeded my own expectations, and apparently my surgeon's, too -- he said I was a star patient! I no longer have any co-morbidities, am 1/2 way to goal & no longer would qualify for this surgery! Let's hope the upcoming holiday season doesn't derail me in the progress I've made. :cool: Personally, my life is in utter turmoil, and I've totally dropped out of my LapBandTalk circles to focus on home... In fact, this is the 1st time I've logged on here in months. I'm still not ready to jump back in, but I really wanted to check in with everyone for our 3/4-year anniversaries. How is everybody else doing?

Juice! I want juice!! I crave juice!!! I need juice!!!! My dietician made a big deal about juice being a no-no. And I hear that loud & clear. But I so love a large, cold glass of orange juice before bed! I know. It’s sip-sip-sip with the Band, no more large glasses of anything. Okay. I got that, too. This isn’t about what-not-to or how-to drink with LapBand so much as it is a plea for a safe, tasty “juice” drink. What I’m really hoping for is a delicious, non-aspartame, high-protein juice replacement. Any recommendations? (I’m cross-posting this in desperation!):help: So far I’ve tried: Syntrax nectar (Fuzzy Naval - Splenda) Bari-15 Cold drinks (Grape, Grapefruit, Wildberry Passion, Orange pineapple - aspartame) Bari-15 Cold Drinks (Orange - aspartame-free) Only the Bari-15 Wildberry Passion & Grape were worth drinking. (The Wildberry Passion is actually pretty good.) But they both have aspartame, and I’m one of those unlucky people with adverse reactions to aspartame. I use Isopure powders for my Protein shakes, but they’re creamy not “juice like” even in the fruit flavors. And so my Quest for an aspartame-free, high-protein juice replacement continues…

Argh! We're supposed to be leaving in a 1/2 hour for a beach vacation with my parents & brother -- my 1st real vacation since 2001 (well, there was that weekend trip to see Thomas the Tank Engine last fall). But we're nowhere close to ready, and I've been totally distracted (wonder why?) & really let the preparations fall to the wayside... And I think I broke my pointer finger last night while doing last-minute laundry!! Plus, I just got disturbing news... This was supposed to be a week without electronic communication capabilities -- leaving the cell phones & laptop at home, that sort of thing. But the brand new laptop that my dad ordered earlier this week arrived yesterday (damn the efficiency of Dell, wasn't supposed to arrive until next week!) & he's bringing it with him to play with setting it up!!!!! If I have yet to say so, my philandering husband is a computer tech. So not only is the "well, just set a password" thing a complete farce as far as security goes, but e-mail was "their" primary mode of communication! I was supposed to have a week "off" from my vigilance & worry -- taking time for myself, for us, for our family & just relaxing... But now I'm just taking my vigilance & worry & my 2 young kids & my adulterous spouse & my harboring-hostile-feelings-toward-HIM parents & brother to a new house and letting everything stew for a week! I am suddenly dreading what, in its May conception, was supposed to be the long overdue vacation during which I reignited the passion in my marriage, re-proposed to my husband that we renew our vows on our 10th anniversary this x-mas in my made-smaller wedding dress, and was physically able (thanks to the Band) to enjoy rough-housing with my kiddies on the beach (even if that meant my saggy baggy elephant body being seen publicly in a swimsuit)!!! :hurt I know I'm whining to all of you. :phanvan Thanks for listening... I've got to get this all out now because I know my anxiety & preoccupation with his adultery & very recent declaration of commitment to have no contact with the home-wrecking whore is enough to ruin this trip on its own -- without his doing a single additional thing wrong!!! It's not right nor fair to ask my parents to leave their much anticipated brand new toy at home so that my husband isn't tempted to start cheating again on our family vacation... But WHYYYYY did that damn computer have to arrive early?!?!?!? ARGH!!!!! Okay, this will be my last post for a while. Can't wait to read all your back-n-forth upon my return! I don't reply nearly as often as I check in -- but I appreciate your support & constrictive advice/feedback very much. Y'all have really helped me keep MY sanity over the last moth... Until my return... Zannie

Okay -- every one of us has made it to 6-months post-op! That's a pretty big milestone, in my book! Time for an update! I was banded on Feb 15th, and at 6-months even was down by 72 lbs... As of yesterday, I'm down 81 POUNDS!!!!! From 320 to 239 -- WAHOOOO! How about y'all?!?

NOTE: I began exploring LapBand about 6 years ago now. The doctor at the 1st seminar (of 6!!) that my husband & I attended (for bypass & LapBand) brought up the staggering statistic of divorce among WLS patients. His theory was that "we" realize we married our partners for reasons that the "new ME" people we become no longer find to be valid/enough/necessary. That, by in large, WE leave our partners. He also said that partners who've never really "had to be" jealous over their WLS spouse, are suddenly faced with other people finding that spouse attractive -- which raises insecurity & jealousy issues within the partners themselves. I remember hearing that, looking over at the love of my life, making eye contact, & patting his thigh where my hand was resting while he squeezed me on shoulder his arm was slung over. The doctor even commented on our reaction, saying that we didn't look like a statistic. Again, the info is about 5 or 6 years old now. The source of the statistic is not listed in the materials I have from that presentation. I have come across it elsewhere over the years, but never really thought enough about it to look into the source. I was positive that divorce was not in :love:MY:love: future. I still hope it isn't...:think

Not to worry -- I have hard copy put away. Not of all their e-mails (about 1000 over what is now almost a 3 month time period), but of the ones directly related to having sex with each other & the ones in the beginning as they were establishing their "relationship" beyond that of co-workers. And, of course the one threatening to kick my brother's ass. (Laughable since she's 5'7" & only 117, but her hubby-dear came with her to "handle it" which my DH presumed meant defuse her or that he's be the physical one. Wish I really knew which.....ya know? The whore & her estranged-DH have a 2-1/2 year old son, BTW.) She really was institutionalized for about a week, one week after the SEX began/2 weeks after the flirting started -- I'm not just making that up. So I hope that will help me if it comes to that. Threats against members of my family ought to come in handy, too. Wouldn't you think? Back to the e-mails..... my husband GAVE to me a great many e-mails, printed them out himself in an "effort" to prove full-disclosure as I have repeatedly requested. No, he did not immediately give me everything,...not the secret e-mails from the 3 "adultery" accounts (that I know of to date), but plenty of "juicy" stuff from his work account (they were co-workers until she was fired for unrelated reasons & immediately sent to the loony bin) & from his regular "personal" account. At some point he got freaked that their identities were determinable in the e-addresses of those long-standing "regular" accounts, so they made "matching" yahoo accounts for the adultery. Only after I spotted that one of the messages had been FWD out of the regular account did I realize there was more he had still not disclosed, such as her psychiatric institutionalization. He created another "cheating" account a few days after my initial discovery of the adultery. They have been in constant contact (apx. 200 e-mails since Aug 6th) at that new account. He confessed that account to me last week because A) I'd already overheard the 2nd "discovery" that he was still in contact with her, and because his shrink said to give me access to all his e-mail accounts & voice-mail if he wanted to really put effort into saving our marriage. Granted, he could have easily created another adultery account that I'm not aware of at this moment. But I've also been told by the marriage counselors that if I am really "100% committed to saving our marriage" then I need to extend trust so long as he "continues to have no contact with the other woman"... She e-mailed him Tuesday morning (which I was sure he replied to under a new screen name), Wednesday afternoon (saying why didn't you reply - why aren't you at work--yes, she called a co-worker to find out why he wasn't answering his phone, pretty much "proving" he hadn't replied), called his cell at 12:45am (cell in my purse, didn't hear it) & our home at 1AM last night when we were expecting a buzz from his parents (where he used "can't" several times & "I'm sorry" in telling her he couldn't talk to her -- not WON'T statements like the counselor advised), but he did hang up on her very quickly. Does that mean he's really, finally going to TRY for our marriage? I don't know, but I'm being asked to trust that it does. And for some reason I still want to save my marriage... So, there you have it. Zannie

August & our 6-month Band anniversaries are almost here! :whoo: It's challenge time, again... You know the drill: Pick a target level for how often & how long you plan to workout, and we’ll be off… I’m shooting for Level 2~Intermediate this month! Feb’07 August Exercise Challenge Level 1 ~ 3 days a week (14 days) Level 2 ~ 4 days a week (18 days) Level 3 ~ 5 days a week (23 days) Level 4 ~ 6 days a week (27 days) Level 5 ~ 7 days a week (31 days) Beginner ~ 20 minutes a day Moderate ~ 30 minutes a day Intermediate ~ 45 minutes a day Advanced ~ 60 minutes a day Elite ~ 60+ minutes a day

So, are we doing a SEPTEMBER thread? I know I've been totally out of it this month, but I hope everyone else is still trucking along! And how am I going to get back on the playing field...? Well, I'm planning to take a long walk around our neighborhood with my kids twice a week, during "preschool hours" -- which my son will begin 3 days a week after we return from a family vacation to the beach. I figure that keeping him on a consistent "ready to leave at 8:30am" schedule even on non-school days is smart. And the exercise will be good for me physically, and them mentally, too. So that's the plan here. It's not the treadmilling I WAS doing, but it's better than only having pacing to tally up for my exercise!

Yeah -- I just took my car in for the 60K work up & to fix most everything that had been wrong with it ...... to the tune of $2000. I've been suffering with all those problems for over a year now, just not having the actual cash to fix them. His charge card (on which I am still an authorized user) took care of that. I am well over due for new glasses & have some dental work needed, too... What I'm worried most about in terms of "papers" is custody of our children -- specifically keeping the wacko whore away from my kids! He's far too wrapped up in her to see this psyco-bitch as anything but a saint, and that means the well-being of my kids is in jeopardy should he choose to leave. (Again, I think he's waiting for me to hand his walking papers so he won;t have to actually make the choice. I am safe in our home, as are our kids. Well, unless SHE comes crawling around -- she made a threat to "kick" my baby brother's (29 :biggrin1:) "ass" because he hung up on her when she called to DH's 2nd job (where she knows my bro is manager), introducing herself as his girlfriend & wanting to speak with my husband. He told her politely that "DH was unable to accept calls from her at this number" & when she kept talking at him, he hung up. Her next e-mail is all about how she & her estranged husband drove from her town to where they work to "handle it", but that the place was already closed for the night by the time they got there. Um, uh.... WHAT THE F*CK?!?!? DH says he didn't believe she'd really harm anyone, and didn't tell anybody about this threat. (I did FWD it to my folks, brother & his folks when I found THAT e-mail!) But back to the bigger point: I don't want her anywhere near my babies! And I'm trying to keep that focus at the forefront of my actions... Oh, I don't know WHAT I'm doing........... Zannie

Green -- you ought to read the e-mails -- she's a manipulative bitch. And That's not just the scorned wife saying it -- these e-mails are huge pitches - "fight for ME instead" - she's even asked him to marry her in one of them ====== she's still married (though supposedly separated from her husband)!!!!!! It's just the opposite of what you said about being the perfect lover because you didn't WANT attachment... She set out from the beginning to steal my husband for herself & despite his initial NOs, she kept coming on strong (using a different tactic)... And now that their lies & his betrayals are exposed, she's trying every trick in the book to keep him. His e-mails to her have said "I don't know you like this" and "I've never seen this side of you before" and "it scares me to hear you talk like that"..... She's pulling out all the stops & while he hasn't left home, and continues to tell her he doesn't intend to leave ME, he still hasn't cut it off with her... Until she's out of the picture, what chance do I have? I don't know why, but I feel like if he could just shake her off & refocus HOME, then the choices we make would be OURS together to stay & fight or to let it go -- but right now the choices are a tug of war between the greener side where somebody else is mowing the grass & home where he's expected to do the yard work! Years & years of yard work are what he faces before home has a flowering garden again... And I can't help but feel like owe it to everything I value in this world to fight... I'm just delusional, I guess...because I know this isn't a fight I can fight (let alone WIN) alone.

BabyGirl, I know that.....I know I'm the only one fighting to save us -- 16 years of loving and friendship and family. I know that. But those thing still remain of value to me for whatever reason... I keep thinking about them. And my husband is the most indecisive person I've eve met -- he's waiting for me to make this decision for him too, hand him an ultimatum & follow through when he still doesn't choose. Then he can blame me for the split because A) I gave him an ultimatum, and because I said GET OUT in the end -- all rather than him saying he's leaving. I'm don't doing any thinking without my shrink -- and here I thought THEY were the crazy people!

Thanks, y'all, really..... I can't imagine ever not feeling this betrayed... I'm hanging in there for my kids, but it would be so much easier to just crawl under the covers & sleep until the pain was gone. (Well, except for the whole not being able to sleep aspect...) Why does he not love me any more? That's what I keep asking myself... How fucked up it that? I rationally know it's about him & not about me...we've had our problems like any marriage, but I've always been open to working them out. But I just keep feeling that I somehow let him down -- let us all down. I swing from extreme anger, to extreme despair. Right now is a "despair" moment, so just ignore me! I've got an appt. with my individual therapist tomorrow(Tue) afternoon, and I really liked her the one other time we've met (last Monday). But things have drastically changed since then!!!!!! And she has no clue. So it'll be interesting to see what she has to say about the latest developments that he's never stopped communication with the home-wrecking whore! He still wants to come on our family vacation this Saturday -- and I don't know how to explain his absence to the kids... There's an extra bedroom, so I'll probably "let" him come with us, but I would really prefer he just go someplace ELSE instead. Not with me & for Pete's sake NOT with HER!!!! Oh, I don't know what my brain is thinking.........but thanks for listening! Zannie

Ha! Maybe I should invest in a pedometer then! I hardly ever SIT anymore unless at the computer, or on the therapist's couch! Got another appointment tomorrow at 2...........

:welcome: A fellow 'Burger -- we're few & far between, or at least on LBT! I'd talk your ear off about my Band -- nothing is taboo, so ask away. And feel free to send me a PM (private message) if you'd like a local hand to hold! (Though I know some people prefer the anonymity of the Internet!) The exercise consult is just a tour of the gym at which WLSC has arranged for you to get a free personal trainer session post-op. You are not asked to establish your current fitness level or anything like that, which is what I presumed. Clear liquids are only until they check your innards post-op by x-ray with barium swallow, which if you stay over-night (as I did, by choice) is the next morning. You have to go back down for the x-ray if you don't stay over night. And frankly, I felt like I'd been hit by a mac truck the next morning so I'm glad I didn't have to face a car ride, too. (The day of my surgery I felt terrific, unless I laughed & when "potty time" arrived. The next 2 days I felt like shit, but then things got better pretty quickly up to a point. At 2-1/2 months post-op, I was still having "port pain" discomfort when I twisted or over extended myself.) Full liquids are for two weeks (the really hard part, IMO), followed by 2 weeks of mushie foods (oh how good that 1st egg salad tasted!)... It all seems like it happened a lifetime ago! And I've only been banded 6-1/2 months! According to my home scale, I'm down 80 pounds, but I only update my LBT ticker with weigh-ins at WLCS or Port Warwick (where you'll get your fills). Okay - I'm so excited to see another Williamsburg Bandster here, but I will refrain from babbling on any longer! Again, :welcomeB: to LBT!

Welcome, Tiff! Your plan sounds like the definition of "get that butt in gear" to me! I know you'll see major progress by December! Okay! So I've totally given up on the Challenge for August, unless I were to go buy a pedometer & count all this manic pacing I find myself doing lately! How's everybody else doing? Just ONE WEEK left of the month... Suzanne

Thanks y'all, for checking on me... I did start what grew to be a HUGE, detailed update on Thursday night before it got wiped out thanks to Internet Explorer. (Argh! Don't you hate that?) But things further deteriorated on Friday morning, so oh well... That's right -- things here are not going well in terms of reconciliation. While an abortion via RU486 supposedly happened on Saturday, Aug 18th (the truth of her pregnancy is very much in doubt however - her story is inconsistent & the facts, when she bothers to include any, don't match up), it turns out my adulterous husband is still in contact with via e-mail & phone/seeing his crazy (really -- she was institutionalized for a week at the beginning of July), home-wrecking whore. (Ouch - harsh these days, aren't I? Well, F*CK HIM, f*ck them both!) If that wasn't bad enough, his lies are now being told to "protect her" rather than "deflect his guilt"...in my interpretation of them. I'm fed up. And I have very little emotion left to expend on him... We'd been sharing our bed this whole time (though not having sex, despite my own wacko desire to do some major "hysterical bonding"), but I asked him to sleep elsewhere last night & don't foresee reversing my stand on that. I don't hold out much (any...?) hope that he'll make any real changes at all to save our marriage, even though he still says what he WANTS is to work it out, has begun taking anti-depressants, and is going to individual counseling. Keeping in mind that as well as being a betrayed wife, I'm also a stay-at-home mom with 2 kids ages 2 & 4-1/2, who is 2 classes shy of a college degree that should have been completed years ago, and has not worked outside the home in almost 6 years...I have sought some professional advice. The highlights of that advice so far are: 1) take control of the finances (his job thus far, but one he's neglecting now) 2) stop "doing for him" at all (i.e. laundry - "have cake & eat it too" theory) 3) don't have intercourse (condones & forgives his pasts acts of adultery) 4) take care of/protect myself & my kids (even nice guys can turn nasty) 5) get solid proof of the adultery (for alimony purposes in case of divorce) 6) do not kick HIM out of the house (makes it harder to get alimony) 7) do not move out of the house myself (makes it harder to KEEP the house) I have not seen a divorce lawyer as of yet, but I can't imagine (or perhaps "can no longer pretend") things are not heading in that direction... On a warped & twisted but related note...I again fit into my wedding dress -- without the cinching undergarments on! My home scale says I've lost EIGHTY POUNDS since my surgery in February at 320#! I'd had a long-standing fantasy of re-proposing to my husband on a beach vacation the whole family is supposed to take at the end of this summer. My fantasy had us renewing our vows on our 10th anniversary at Christmastime, with me in my "altered smaller" wedding dress... At this rate, as completely implausible as it seems to my HEAD, I think I'll probably be down over 100 pounds by December! My goal weight was a number with a Normal BMI, which for my height ranges between 101-136, so I started out with 184-219 pounds to loose. I am so grateful for my LapBand because I am a major stress eater & just know I'd be up 80# at the end of this, rather than down that much without our tool!! Zannie

Cheryl -- I agree with so much of what you said in your post! Since so many of y'all do to, I think I’ll try to reply directly to it! I hate to exercise -- always have. I was never "thin" -- we met in Jr. high (size 12), started dating when I was 16 (size 14), ended things tearfully to go to separate colleges (size 16), realized long distance was better than apart a couple of years later (size 18), married at 23 (size 22), had our 1st child after 2 years of infertility treatment at 28 (size 28) & our 2nd at 30 (size 30)... My point is that I gain about 10 lb. a year, and always have... That wasn't the fault of a bad marriage! Now, not that it problems in any area HELP -- I am an admitted stress-eater, but I don't now & never have blamed my weight on my marriage. Hmmmm...but maybe I should....something to think about! :biggrin1: I hear you, Sister! Frankly, I hadn't thought about having me tested again (routine during pregnancy, so had tests in '04) -- damn good idea. But I did insist he get tested right away, and will insist again in 6 months for a 2nd HIV, presuming we're still together then. We just went together to our family doctor on Friday & the results should be back mid-week. And while sex with HER might have been unprotected, it shall not be with me for quite a long while. I hear you there, too... I SO AGREE!!! Of course, I don't know her & just don't understand that she's not that kind of person... Yada, yada, yada.:rolleyes I insisted he call her to find out if she was pregnant. My MIL (his MOM) says that was a huge mistake on my part. Giving her ready access to the oldest trick in the book & all... I feel better with it out there than lurking for a few more weeks when abortion wouldn't be an option. Even if it isn't true...had she tried the lie when the choice wasn't there to terminate, what kind of guilt trip could she have pulled THEN!! Really...at least now he's saying to end it as they, in hypothetical, had agreed. (For the record, the "fact" that she's pregnant has him petrified & not looking to leave home, at least that's what he tells me.) He's not saying he's depressed -- I AM!!! Saying he's been depressed for a while, that is... Chronic depression for over 2 years, in my totally untrained opinion. He's not at all saying I'm so depressed therefore I had an affair. He's "just going along with" the medication because he's counselor suggested he be on something -- isn't even sure he believes that he is depressed, but is just trying to do the right thing! I have felt for quite a while an explosion coming, I just didn't know what would blow!!! I'm pretty much justifying (to myself ) that the "explosion" came in the form of sex, but that it could have been anything -- getting fired, loosing our house, a heart attack -- you name it. He's just given up caring about so many other things in his life that I guess I feel like I should have expected "our marriage" to be one of them, too! Yeah, well...see, I have TONS of unaddressed issues with the actual adultery part here that I really need to vent out if we're gonna make this work. I can't believe how hard it's been to actually START therapy. :mad:We had one "crisis management" session together at a place that didn't even take our insurance. He's had 3 "solo" sessions, but finding a doc for ME to see within our provider network has been insanely crazy! My 1st "solo" appointment is Monday. We still don't have a 2nd "joint" appointment on the books... I'm going nuts here!!!!!! And venting to all of you at LBT! You're right that he's acting like a victim -- saying "how could this have happened to me" rather than "how could I have done this" even now. I call him on it every single time. I also say to call it what it is: adultery, not "an affair" (which has all sorts of positive connotations, really...a grand affair for 500 guests, a small catered affair, a new love affair -- and nothing about THIS is POSITVE for me, thank you very much!) I am holding on to hope that with treatment for his depression, MY husband will begin to replace the pod person I've been living with for the last couple of years... HIM I love more than I can begin to say, and HE is worth fighting for. This guy, well...I could do without him, and I will (:think) if there aren't real changes made. I just don't know quite what to do with myself in the mean time...ya know? I do bring that on myself, I admit. I ASK!!!! I've ASKED for all the details that I do know...and he's told me what I've asked to know. I'd rather be socked in the nose than sucker punched from behind, or something like that. See it coming, know where I stand...one of those cliché. Otherwise I can totally see my thinking we're on the same page here; he's over it & her, and we're moving forward together -- which is what I want to be true, after all. And then he comes to the realization that he's never gonna get over her & our marriage just isn't worth the effort to save it. Or whatever. Again, full disclosure & total transparency so I can see the road ahead, as much as possible in this sort of situation!! My best friend says it's fodder for self-flagellation, but some how it's helping me -- keeping me grounded and not deluded. Perhaps the shrink will tell me differently on Monday, but for now I can't help but ASK!!!! I know I'm trying to keep our marriage together, and that in wanting that I'm drawing out the hurt... I get plenty angry but what do I do with that anger in the context of keeping my family whole? I really do appreciate all of you reading my shit! And that you give constructive, objective (or as much as can be without HIS side of the story) feedback is really helping me get through this day by day. I have a wonderful, close family & my best friend in the world who I know are here for me completely (love you!)... But how much TAKE, TAKE, TAKE can I ask of them?!? And there's a lot more of it still to come, I know!! Anyhow -- thanks for lending the ears & shoulders, virtual though they may be! Zannie

Just out of curiosity...why would you not try to concentrate on your sex life if your sex life is the element of your marriage that's always been bad? Okay - clearly I'm just focusing on the SEX part here -- we all know I'm skewed right now so what I say may not be worth all that much. But really...if she said that about loosing weight & then replacing her, I'm betting she WANTS to address your issues. (Not YOU your, but Y'ALL your.) I know part of the problem with MY sex life has to do with a not-meant-to-be hurtful comment before we were even married...and my knee-jerk reaction to it. This happened 4-months after our engagement when he found out his dad was cheating on his mom. At a time when he needed to know there was more to US than just sex & friendship before we got married, he said he thought we should stop having sex until our wedding night. I couldn't believe my ears & felt crushed as a woman, & changed the locks to my apartment. He didn't understand why I was so upset & I didn't understand how our not having sex was going to solve his issues with his dad's adultery!!! We "made up" but I didn't insist that we keep having sex! He took my silence as agreement & thought all was fine. Well, I still felt totally rejected sexually, and completely stopped "taking my turn" as the aggressor in our physical relationship even after we married a year later. If he wasn't wanting it, I wasn't gonna force it on him!! As a result, he felt I'd withdrawn from HIM sexually. But I thought he was withdrawing from me... It was one of those "what we have here is Failure To Communicate" moments & the impact of it has lasted all these years. Even after talking about it numerous times & with both of us fully understanding what the other was thinking at the time, it remains the underlying issue in our sex life. If you are content not to discuss your "bad" sex life with your wife, and knowing how emotional sex is for (most) women, I'd wager that she thinks you don't want her in all sorts of ways - not just sexually. It's hard to show support & love to someone whom you aren't sure is actually IN your relationship!!! And if she actually expressed worry (even if it was phrased as a joke) that you'd leave her after loosing your weight, I'm guessing she's scared stiff that you'll do exactly that!! Why would she want to encourage you to do the thing she fears will become the end of your marriage, even if not giving you support is subconscious for her?!? I don't know your wife, or the status of your marriage in other areas, but I do know I wanted to talk to someone professionally about our sex life years ago & could never bring myself to ask my husband if he was interested. (Fearing that he wouldn't be because he actually didn't want me!!) I should have done. Not that it would have stopped this infidelity (because it was a choice & I am NOT letting him off the hook for making it), but because I would know now that I'd done EVERYTHING I could have done to work on our marriage BEFORE this betrayal ever happened. Talk to your wife...just a thought! Zannie