Ok i have tried to write this but its too much so i will do it like a rough time line lol
1965 born
66 parents divorce as dad got aunt pregnant when i was 1 month old
Mum single parent living between grandparents home and traveling between states
74 s/penetrated ect: by mum's best friend (8yrs old)
NOW....we move from state! ((((mind blank))))))
Living with grandparents, aunt and uncle & Great gran
Mum has new couple of men over next few years.....
One she has my brother too violence and mental abuse and he used drugs adventually,he was in and out of jail....on and off for years with him,threats ect ends up in paper as 10 mast wanted....
Next guy....
we share room with mum huge room at grandparents but we hear him sneak in late at night and having sex in room ,aggressive sex..very very violent man, not to me but my mother mum lost all her front teeth one time lol he ends up in someones book they wrote ...
1978- Finaly mum decides to remarry to a man who she had been friends with since they were kids apparently for us so we had a dad!
Mum decides to get her freinds from interstate....to look after my brother and i but didnt tell me until they were there....
The friends family come from interstate and he tries to start with me again this time i know i scream shut myself in room,,,his wife has been at shop comes in blah blah blah tells him im just being a bitc.but im older and tell a good family friend, finally, i was terrified but glad!
We go to mum she sceams at me that im lying and he would never do that to her, we dont speak of it for years....
Married to new man who i knew all my life,6 months into it, the violence and drinking start this goes on for 12 years..... i occupied myself i started going out to clubs at 14 drinking,dancing funny thing meaningless sex as i hate being home almost every night was violent eg: broken noses,arms ect!
2 years later the worst happens we loose 4 relatives on fathers day also my aunts birthday my mum had organised party for aunt so they go out and she tries to pretend nothing has happened OMG!
my grandfather hit a tree head on and kills himself,my nan,his sister and my nans sister lives three more days..took 5 hours to cut their bodies free!
So all hell breaks loose in my house as if it could get any worse BUT IT DID!
At the time a boyfriend I had even slept once in our yard as he worried about us....lol he dumps me that year too much i guess!
I was terified to bring friends home when i did they normally never spoke to me again once they had the experience with the exception of one and she said dont worry my parents are the same....mum tells me its my fault they argue lol i come home my brother hides in my cupboard all the time at 11 he is diagnosed as Biapolar....
Finaly i move as i get introuble sort of and police take me to where i say i live my older friend she takes me in!
Bliss normal stuff until she leaves him anyway time moves on....
I meet someone get engaged happy happy but i have fears trouble trusting ect!!
My stepbrother who i have been close too all my life is in accident becomes Quad at 19 ....i help him for some time but watch as his life just becomes drugs and grog until he after several failed attemps of suicide -chokes on his own vomit 10 yrs later!
I meet another man but im engaged to someone else for 5 yrs i love this man but from afar....finaly after he starts being violent to me, i kick him out!
LOL now the one i watched from afar was a "gift" everyone thought i gone nuts i moved interstate gave up my house ect!
I married him , 2 miscarriages but then 5 kids then we adopted one,still married been together now over 20 yrs!
But in this time my brother is sick for years i cant even go into... but we tried eveything he dissapears from a hospital that he has been forced into under crisis basically he dissapears we travel to a state as friend of mums is in bank an secrectly tells us he is in another state..we walk Kings cross with photos ect he has been missing 10 days ,,,,,,,,,mothers day in the motel the police come to door he has been dead for 9 days of a drug over dose in a pub i cant write any more on him now.....!
My husbands brother (my friend) dies almost same way but perscription drugs
I am an only child....
I made sure i stayed so far away,my kids are wonderful really and my husband well patient as i was so protective of our kids ect!
I am motionless without his heart beat next to mine!
He is a good man....
I think he was a"gift"
I hated everything that happened to me but i tell you except for loosing my family if everthing that happened to me has led me to this point in my life............
It was "bloody" worth it! i never won tattslotto ect but somehow i have a real "soulmate"
During these times i have been size8 to 28
I ate to escape at night because when i eat i dont think!
Then when i was thin i would keep myself like that by making myself vomit laxatives ect!
Then up and down for years until i stopped consuming real food and started to eat 6 blocks of chocolate per day for years!
I still cant sleep more than 4 if im lucky 5 hours per night....
BUT three days ago mum and i yelled it out at first, lol she tells me she went to his death bed to confront him..haha i bet it made her feel better did nothing for me!
Anyway you can imagine there is alot more to this story....it is not something i try to dwell on anymore!
But i think i ate lol because I STOP THINKING!
Oh and i love my mother she was nieve and has always trusted everyone we work hard at us now!
She is remarried "again" i was matron of honour! this one is just rude & sarcastic...lol but we now live in another country lol but hey she is happy with it!
This is hard but i hope that it helps someone who maybe thinks they are alone "YOUR NOT"
I have now lost about 47 kilos 99lbs? gave up smoking after 5 attemps! and i'm a work in progress!
My hubby had a model after him yrs ago...he told me "some ppl are ugly on the inside"
Thanks for listening to my rantings....:-) sorry!
Ps: Only 1 relative on each side got big ....
