ptmyers

My husband died 2 1/2 yrs ago and I had LAP-BAND® surgery 15 months ago. I've had no sex (with a person!) since DH died. Now I've lost 60 lbs and I'm flabby and lumpy everywhere. Recently have gotten reacquainted via internet with an old friend. Things are getting steamy fast and I'm scared to death. For starters, I'm not the young, slim thing I was back then. He's not young either. No big deal there. However, I'm worried sick that we'll get together (we're in the same state) and at some point I'll "need" to take my clothes off. Has anyone else confronted this issue? Also, does feeling the port below your skin turn the guys off? Does it hurt in the port area to have sex in the missionary position? I haven't even told him about the surgery. I'm such a coward. Any help?

Hi Soexcited. I'm doing great. To answer your question - No, we haven't met face-to-face yet. But we have talked on the phone almost every day in the last week and have talked about where to meet. We're in the same state, but he lives over 300 miles from me so we're talking about meeting somewhere in the middle - just for lunch or dinner. It seems like a long way to go for just lunch, but we're neither one ready to be intimate yet. I feel sure we'll get there eventually and, at least when we do, he already knows about my WLS and won't freak out if he feels my port. :smile2: Pam

Well, thank you so much, David314, for the wonderful compliment and words of encouragement. That's very sweet of you. Pam

Yes, I'm losing slowly also. I was banded in December 2008 and I've lost 64 lbs. That's probably somewhere in the neighborhood of a pound per week. My doctor seems to be very pleased with my progress. When I mentioned it to him, he reminded me that I'm 59 and that it's safer to lose it slowly anyway. So if he's happy, I'm happy. Like you, I thought it would be faster but, hey, I figure losing 64 pounds is sure a whole lot better than gaining 64 pounds -- or even staying the same.

Just thought I'd tell everyone that my friend and I have talked on the phone 3 or 4 times. We have decided to take it slow for now since he is as apprehensive as I am. So, I don't have to worry about all the flabby belly, etc. for now and, since I told him about my surgery, if he ever does come across my port, he'll know what it is. Again, thanks to everyone for their encouragement and support. I don't think I could have told him without you guys. Pam

Yeah, I'm really going to talk to him. I know that's a foreign concept to some of you youngsters out there. . . . . As for getting laid, right now I'm not too worried about it. Hearing last night how concerned he is about HIS appearance was such a relief and I think we're going to take it slow. The conversation might get steamy (probably will), but the actions will be slow. I do appreciate your help in this matter of getting me laid, however. Obviously, I need all the help I can get. - - - - Pam

Oh, Humming Bird, things ARE going great. We've emailed back and forth (I recently retired; he's semi-retired) throughout today and he's never said one word about my surgery or my weight. I guess Spartan was right - it's totally a non-issue and I'm so relieved. Anyway, we're taking a big step tonight -- we're going to actually TALK on the phone. It's been 35 years since I've heard this man's voice and I'm like a school girl, I'm so excited. I guess you can gather that we were more than just casual friends in college. This is so much fun.

Well, I finally did talk to my friend last night. And the funny thing is, he never even mentioned the lapband surgery and neither did I. It seems to be a non-issue. He did, however, express the same anxiety about HIS body that I am feeling. Who would have thought? He even went so far as to say that he doubted he'd be "up" for the occasion if we were to be intimate any time soon. So we agreed to meet for lunch or dinner sometime in the near future and KEEP OUR CLOTHES ON. Even though we're in the same state, there is about a four-hour drive between us. I'm so relieved. I still have all the issues about the flabby belly, etc. but at least I don't have to worry about him stumbling over my port and wondering, "what the hell?" That would most certainly deflate the moment. Thanks to everyone for their support and encouragement. I could not have gotten up the nerve to tell him without your help. Pam

All I've heard is just a brief message that "everything is OK" with a note that we'd "talk later". I haven't talked to him "later" yet, but remember he is on a later time zone than I am. I'm very anxious, but somewhat reassured by his quick note this afternoon. Thanks for asking.

Thanks, Humming Bird. I hope it works out too. But, either way, I'm glad I told him. The way we were headed, I would definitely have had "some splaining to do" (as Ricky would have said to Lucy). I haven't heard from him yet, but it's very early. I'm on Eastern Time and he's on Central. And, no, the last time I saw him I was not overweight. It was 35 years ago and we were in college. The years don't really bother me because he's 35 years older too, but the weight definitely does. Here's hoping . . . .

Hey Mimi. I'm 59 and about half-way through my WL. So far, I'm down 60 lbs with about 60 to go. I don't know if I'll need PS in the stomach area. Probably will and don't mind having it. However, I'm very concerned about the arms. I know a lady who had her arms done and the scars are just horrible. They must be a good 2 inches wide from her armpits to her elbows. Are yours like that? I'd almost rather keep my arms waving than to have scars like that. Thanks.

Thanks, Leigha, for your answer. I love your husband's "any port in a storm" remark. He sounds like a good guy. And thanks to you, Spartan, for a guy's perspective. I really like hearing how a guy would feel about this. I wish I had read your post earlier tonight. I think waiting until we met for dinner and then telling him would have been a good idea. I didn't think about how he might have preconceived notions or expectations, knowing that I've had WL surgery. And I certainly don't want to make my weight an issue in his mind. That's the LAST thing I want him thinking about!! . . . . However, when we were emailing back and forth tonight, I took a big breath and just typed it big and bold. That was my last email for the night and he had already signed off. So I won't know until I hear from him tomorrow - IF I hear from him tomorrow - how he feels about this. If I don't hear from him, then I guess I'll have my answer. I sincerely hope he's not that shallow and that this doesn't put an end to a developing relationship. Life was so much easier when I was married.

You're right. I'll probably be talking to him tonight and I will try to tell him. I don't want to lose touch with him after I've just found him again but I might as well get it over with and see how he feels about it. If he's totally repulsed, then it wasn't meant to be anyway.

Thanks, Humming Bird, for your answer. The thought of telling him about the surgery just terrifies me. I really like this guy and I'm so scared he'll be turned off if I tell him. Realistically, I KNOW that I would have to tell him sooner or later. If we get physical (and it sure seems like we will), I'd have to explain this port in my belly somehow. My friend said to just say it's my "plug" and that all women have them. Seriously, I want to tell him but I'm just so cowardly. And then, assuming we get past the surgery issue, what about all the flabby, lumpy stomach and legs? Has that been a problem for you? Thanks.

I have an unrelated question. How does everyone get those Ticker Factory graphics on here? I've tried, but can't figure it out. Thanks.

I had my lapband done in December by Dr. Olsofka, who is in the same group with Schuster and Lusco. I also have Anthem BC/BS. Anthem covered my surgery for the most part. I wound up having to pay St. Mary's $1200, which I am paying off $200/month. I did meet all the criteria for the surgery - 100 lbs overweight, Ty 2 diabetes, high blood pressure. My BC/BS is with the federal govt because I'm retired Civil Service. I don't know if all Anthem BC/BS is the same or not. Good luck. Debbie and Lana were very helpful with me.

Thanks, Sharsing, for your encouraging words. I really am happy that I've lost the 45 lbs. It could be worse. Much worse -- I could have GAINED 45 lbs. :thumbup: We'll just have to hang in there together. I am going to DisneyWorld in December and have set a goal of losing 20 more pounds by then. That's 5 pounds/month. I should be able to do this.

Wow. Everyone has lost so much. I was banded Dec 17th and have lost 45 lbs. I am nowhere near my goal. This is very discouraging.

Hi. I'm six days out from surgery (Dec 17) and I have a lot of tenderness just below my port. I don't notice it when I'm sitting but when I stand, I can barely touch this area. Is this normal? Is this just gravity pulling on my belly, causing a pulling on the stitches or what? Should I call my doctor after Christmas?

I was banded on Wednesday and I'm feeling pretty good. My belly is still tender, but only the incision where the port was inserted. The other incisions are fine. I've had little or no gas pain but i've also been on my feet walking around my house a lot and I've heard that walking helps. Today was my first day out of the house. I went to church and then went to Kroger. I was pretty pooped by the time I got home. The only pain med I have taken is Aleve twice a day. As far as I know, my doctor didn't do any other repair work so maybe that is why you guys are still in pain. Hope you're all feeling better soon. Are you hungry? I wasn't hungry until yesterday. My doctor is allowing me to have creamy soups, yogurt, veggie juices, and diet ice cream plus the Protein shakes. I haven't felt really full but then I'm not sure I know what that feeling is like. That scares me a little because I'm afraid I'll overeat and then throw up and I sure don't want to cause any slippage. Let me know how you all are doing please.

Thanks for the replies and the link to the Fifties forum. I didn't know there was one. Pam

Hi. I'm pretty new here (just found this site last week). I'm getting banded on Wednesday, Dec 17th. I'm wondering how many of you are over 50? From what I've read, most of you are younger -- some much younger. I'm worried that I won't heal as quickly and that my skin won't shrink. I'm afraid I'll have all this skin hanging down and my boobs will look like tube socks with golf balls in them. Doesn't that sound sexy? Anyone out there with similar concerns? Pam

I'm getting banded Wednesday (weather permitting). I'm tired of this liquid diet and am really looking forward to the mushies. Did you mix the canned chix with the ff cream cheese and lf ranch dip? The refried bean thing sounds heavenly right now. :tongue2:

Hi. I'm new here - just joined today. I start my pre-op diet in the morning and it scares the daylights out of me. I'm so afraid I won't be able to stick to it and then my liver won't be small enough and the surgeon won't be able to perform my lapband. I'm scheduled for surgery on the 17th. Any encouraging words would be helpful. Thanks.