AMJOHNSON

I have had the worst month ever. I was banded on 12-10-2008. I am down 81 lbs. I have had two fills with no restriction still. I have had a very stressful month with personal problems and been sick alot(upper respitory infection and horrendous menstrual cycle). I barely have exercised and I have not been able to stick to eating correctly. First reason is I have no restriction. I dont know what to do to get my surgeon to give me a good fill. I have 3cc in a 11cc band and it has done absolutely nothing for me. I can eat everything and anything with no problem. I can gulp and nothing gets stuck. I am never filled. Out of being depressed from feeling this choice is another failed attempt for me to lose weight I have just not really cared to follow the rules and I know I have gained weight. I go back on Monday for my 3rd fill. I am scared to face what I have done in the past month, I am upset I will get the old 1/2cc fill again and have another month of struggling to get that full feeling that never seems to come. I am ashamed to face my family and friends who have supported me through this and believed this was the answer to me getting my life back and have to tell them I have gained weight back. I am so conflicted and depressed. I just want to crawl in a hole and cry. I can't explain how horrible I feel. Everyone on here seems to have had great success in their lap-band journey and I just don't know why my experience is not what I thought it would be. I know it is a tool and we have to make the right choices. I do try to get my proteins in and not to drink while I eat and all that good stuff but it is not filling me so I do as I have always done and eat more than one helping or turn to junk food to help fill me. I still believe deep down that I will get to that spot of good restriction but the longer it takes with these little fills the more chance I have of staying with my old eating habits. I ma going to face the music and try to get back to what is right I just pray my surgeon gives me likee 2 or 3cc's to help get me restriction and have the tool actually do its job while i do my part too.

thanks for all the support. It helped not be so hard on myself. I went to my appointment yesterday and admitted all the bad things I had done in the last month. I stressed I need some restriction. I gained 5 lbs which is not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I still believe in this choice . I am just anxious to get to the part where I am getting full on the healthy foods with out having to have more than one helping and adding in junk food just to get full. I know there are many successes with this and I know my day is coming. Patience has never been my strong suit but hopefully with this last fill I will start to feel this restriction. My doctor suspects that I lost maybe a cc of fill due to air pockets and stuff so he added 2cc to my band so if he is wrong about me losing fluid then I am at 5cc if he is right then I am between 4-5cc in there. On mushies today real hard to gauge by that since they don't really fill you . In a week and a half if I still have no restriction then he will add more and not make me wait a month. Onward & upward. Keeping my head up.

thats for the support but i don't deserve all this credit I should have clarified that I lost 48 lbs prior to surgery during my qulaifying period and pre op diet. I lost 10 lbs my 1st weigh in 2 weeks after surgery and 16 my second weigh in when I got my first fill and 7 lbs my last weigh in when I got my 2nd fill. So I really have only lost 31 lbs since surgery. SO you can see my frustration. I am just so scared of gaining the weight back because I can fall back into my old eating habiyts so easily, due to the fact I have no reaction from the surgery. I almost welcome getting sick to teach me when to stop because obviously if I were able to know when to stop I never would og got up to 479 lbs and needed the surgery. I just need some physical indicatiors to tell me to stop or it is enough or this is not the best thing to eat.

I so identify with that and it is extremely frustrating. I know it is important to have support of your family and friends to be successful. I get it from every angle. Everyone has an opinion of how I should eat, what I should eat and what I should not eat. My nutritionist is not even as strict as some of my friends and family . Then I do feel like a failure if I do fall off a bit. I have one friend telling me I have to be perfect in my eating, my mother wants me to not obsess about not being able to eat the things I like, my other friend doesnt want me to put anything in my mouth that I shouldn't, my boss wants me to call him the minute I get out of my weigh ins to hear the progress. I am very fortunate to have a lot of support and people who want to see me succeed but I have to be able to make these changes gradually and at my own pace and not feel guilty or that I have failed myself and everyone else in my life.

i can identify 120%. I have the big band 11cc and received my first 2cc last Monday. I gulped down the water in the office like nothing. I did the liquids that night. I did mushy the next day with no problem at all. When I was able to eat regular the following day I had a grilled cheese on wheat went down very easy no getting stuck or sick at all. I had a piece of pizza today with no problem at all. My hunger pains go away but I am not full. That is what I am waiting for. See I am an overeater and as us overeaters know we eat until we can't move or until we are physically sick. Now I am facing the same issues except I have a device in me. I have never been great with will power and I am finiding I have to use it more than ever to stop myself from overeating. I literally want this band to make me stop eating since I have always had a problem stopping. I know it sounds weird I am waiting for some discomfort or something to not agree to stop me. I know I need more fills to get that restriction.

Well I am at the end of my mushy stage and I am due for a weigh in on Monday January 19. I feel lots of doubts that I used to use to sabotage me in the past from being successful at losing weight. I know I have not been eating the way I used to but I feel so bloated and fat. People tell me I look like I have lost some weight but I can't feel it or see it? I just know myself that if i get on that scale and have not lost at least 10-15 lbs in the last 4 weeks I am going to feel very defeated. I know we are only supposed to lose like 1-2 lbs a week. With all that i have to lose it will be years and years until I reach my goal. I just don't want to sabotage myself with the thoughts of "all this sacrifice and hard work is not worth it if I only lose little to nothing". Thats when I go and throw it all away. i have started to exercise , I hope that will help.

I can identify 150%. I was banded 12/10/08 and had to sit through pot luck at work while I had my slim fast and pizza at work while I ate my tuna. I too on Christmas let go a bit and had things I should not. My problem is I have not had any issues with any food I have eaten so it has been easy to cheat. I actually thought for a second maybe my surgeon never put the band in me? But I went shopping today for everything I should be eating for this to work. I am at 421 now and my goal is to break 400 when I go for my next weigh in on January 19. I am going to work hard to do it. I think that is the most important thing is to get right back on when you now you have fallen off. Nobody is perfect and us with eating issues are far from it. We can't beat our selves up. :thumbup:

I saw my doctor on the 22nd and I was put on the 4 week puree/mushy stage of eating. My next appointment is scheduled for January 19th. I was under the assumption that is when I would be getting my first fill to begin restricting. He told me that two days before I come, to start eating normal food that is not mushed or pureed. He said he needs to see how much food it does take to keep me satisfied and not hungry. I asked him if I would be getting my first fill? He said sometimes people don't need one at that stage. Correct me if I am wrong but does that not defeat the purpose of getting the band. I mean with no restriction your stomach is the same as it was before and wanting what it always needed to fill it before? If I do not get a fill then I have just been on a diet and did not need the band to lose weight? I really want a fill and begin my work with this device to get my weight off. So now I don't know if I should just tell him that I am always hungry and not satisfied just to get the fill. Now, if I have a good weight drop in 4 weeks will he think I don't need a fill because I am losing without restriction? I am torn. I don't want to ruin anything. I do know that I am always hungry because the little amounts they have me eating is not sustaining me. Lets face it the healthy alternative way of eating just does not stick to your bones and you are always hungry. I did this so I could make healthier choices and my stomach would be satisfied on it and I would not have to fill it with the bad food to feel satisfied. Has anyone else not gotten a fill when they were supposed to and stayed un-restricted? ps:how do you get those little ticker trackers on your posts?

i know about trusting my surgeon he has not been wrong yet. I trusted him to put the band in me. I am thinking about journaling everything I eat, at what times and when i get hungry too. Maybe he can decide whether or not to restrict me after seeing my eating habits.

I too was just banded on 12/10/08 and I have have had major cravings for the foods that got me in this mess. I sat through a pot luck at work while still on my liquid stage-talk about torture. Everyone ate lots of things I like and the smells and I drank my darn slim fast it was hard. I saw my surgeon the same day and had lost 10 lbs since surgery so I know that the fight was worth it and he let me go to my mushy stage which is a bit more sustaining. I argue with my mom alot who keeps reminding me that in the end it will all be worth it and I need to change my thinking now of being deprived. For me I still think it is early for me to change my old thinking but I have to fight through them.

for me it is little things -being able to fit behind my wheel and not be wedged in (when I was buying my new car i got stuck in the explorer suv they were trying to sell me) -being able to be weighed on regular doctors scales. -being able to sit in a chair with arms -being able to sit in a chair and not break it ( i have done many times) -being able to ride a bike again bigger and better things: going to concerts where I can fit in the seats, going to the mall and shopping with my kids, going to museums. it has only just begun

I was approved for by-pass back when I was in the 300's and chickened out. I was not to keen on re-arranging my insides and I never had major surgery in my life so I chickened out. When I decided on the lap-band I heard all negativity from the 5 or 6 woman at my office where I worked who had gotten the by-pass. They all said I was making a mistake and the band was not a good choice. So on and so forth. I held to what I knew I wanted and that was the band. My younger sisters friend had the by-pass and swore if she could do it again she would get the band because of all the problems she had with the by-pass. Everybody is different. at least with the band if it ends up that it did not work for you, it is reversible. In all honesty the by-pass worked for my fellow co-workers who got it. I do know for me the band was the answer I was looking for. Basically, do what you are comfortable with or neither option will work if you keep second guessing it. Look at it this way people will go in for bo-tox injetions every other month to keep wrinkles away or go in for a flu shot when needed. fills are just that, injections. I for one will be happy to get a injection to help me through platues as that is always my weakest thing in dieting is platues.

I just wanted to thank everyone for putting my mind at ease about my surgery. I was banded yesterday morning and it went off without a hitch. My surgeon was delighted as to it only taking like 45 min. No hernia's to repair, liver was in order. I think this website was a belssing in disguise for me. I had so much fear going into this surgery but becauase of the reassurance on this website I went in relaxed and positive. I just wanted to let everyone know it really helped my fears. Thanks again and I am looking fowards to the new journey I am on and I see there are others I can share this journey with.

thats funny you say that. I have been telling myself I will finally get some rest . I am about 440 lbs and can't sleep in a regular bed because it hurts my joints. I sleep in a recliner that is broken down from my weight. So I spend most of the night trying not to slide off the front of it. I have not had a good nights sleep for a while.

My name is Anne-Marie Johnson and I have my surgery scheduled for December 10, 2008. I have not doubted my decision to get this surgery but I am really scared of the actual surgery part. I have never had a surgery my whole life. I am 39 years old. Does anyone have any advice on how to put my mind at ease. I am imagining all kinds of deadly scenarios. I want to go into this on December 10th knowing I made the absolute right decision to get my life back.

MY BMI WAS 69 so I was told I had to do the liver cleansing diet of 2 protein drinks a day and a low fat healthy dinner. I was told to do it 4 weeks before surgery. Now I have followed it pretty good except the weekends are hard on me becuase I am not on a schedule like during the week when I am at work . Now I am scheduled for surgery Dec 10, 2008 and I am back on my post op diet again. I am hoping that my flop on Thanksgiving is not going to effect my surgery. I think my liver will be fine if I stick to this "diet" until the surgery? Do you think so?

I know that the decision for the band is the right decision for me. I am just scared of the actual surgery. years ago when I was still in the 300's I was approved for gastric bypass but I chickened out because I had never had a surgery ever in my life. It was to drastic for me to rearange my insides. Now I am in the 400's and finally came to this decision. This is why I know it is right for me. I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago with diabetes. They put me on Byetta. It helped keep my sugar in order and as a side effect could help you lose some weight. I went from 430-385 in about 3 months on the shot. It did not get rid of my hunger. What it did was make me satiated on about half of what I ate. I figured it worked the same way with the band. I unfortunately had to go off of the medication cause I had another of the side aeffects and that was severe nausea 24-7. I was heeving all the time. I went off the meds and ballooned up to 479 lbs quickly. Now , I know several people who got the bypass and said if they could do it over again they would have gotten the band instead because they had so much trouble after the surgery. I know someone in their 60's who got the band and it has been very successful for her so I just need to get over my actual surgery fear. I do believe with an uncomplicated surgery I will succeed with this device in me and get my life back. I will finally be able to keep a New Years resolution this year. Anne-Marie Surgery Date 12-10-08