Hi. I am pretty new to this, banded on 10/2/08. I was happy to receive your note but have to say, it sounds like you are being pretty hard on yurself. SInce you are here, in a Lap band site, I will assume a few things; number 1, you have probably struggled with your wieght for a long time and number 2, you have probably had little success in gaining some control over it or attaining a healthy weight. Both of these thing are true of me. You mention that you often move away from or stay away from things that work or help (this site for one). Again, also true of me. I have found the solution for this is for me to get rigorously honest with myself about why it is I am sabotagging myself. I have to really acknowledge what it is I am so afraid of changing, letting go of. Even once I figure it out I dont automaticlly let it go. SOmetimes I hold onto it like a stubborn child with her heels dug in deep. The truth is I wont chnage until Im good an ready. I've heard people say thier only regret about the band is not having done it sooner and I get that but the truth is I wasnt ready any sooner than when I did it. Period. I have lost 36 pounds since starting this journey and as people notice I freak out. It makes me nervous so I gain a few pounds back (story of my life ). Then I get frustrated with myself and sit with it and figure out why tha physical change and acknowledgement of the change freaks me out. I sit with it, talk about it here and with those who understand, I write about it until I'm ok with it and able to move forward again. I guess my whole point is that this will not be a straight path. Thier are bumps along the way. Try and be softer on yourself and it will be clear again why you began this journey in the 1st place. You can do it! And when I hit a bump in my path I will need to reminded of the same. Hang in there! Stay in touch! ---- Kammy