Kat817

Well Tracy--Rockin K-----think June!! LOL Thank you, I know somewhere I might have had that info, but it would have required some serious digging! Don't stress about your scale.....remember how it worked.....stuck, then a pound or 2.....it is ok, just hang in there, you are doing so well!!! First week is closing in isn't it? Wow Trey! Not sure what to say to that shocking bit of news! I would see where she would comment on your FB entries, or on your blog....and it was never like they were problematic. She left the kids with you? It is hard to keep up with my own feelings, and what it going on in my life, I try to stay on page with Rick, but I know I miss the boat sometimes. I am so sorry it happened to you. There may come a day it explains itself, and then again you may never know.....hey maybe she just figured out she would never stand up to your greatness!!! jk Hang in there, you are almost to goal--VERY cool! It takes awhile, but life will settle back down and you will find yourself adapted to a new normal. (((hugs))) I am expecting a call from my Mom wanting me to take her to do some shopping for a weekend party. Other than that, I am doing the exciting laundry today!!! Wooohooo!!! Lots on my mind today---off to mull things over. Hey Cindy you are just sitting there---think about things for me!!!

Hey Tracy, we are going to be in San Antonio the 2nd week of June it looks like. Do you know where we went for the river float? Rick would like to go, and I am not sure, but I think I might be able to dredge up enough bravery to try it again.....maybe! Anyway----will solidify details as it gets closer. In laws class reunion is the 2nd weekend in June.....I think it is Fathers Day----which would be about right, so I would not get to see my Dad, and the girls would not get to see Rick. Hopefully son and family will be in LA by then, so he is not emotionally slapped by that...you know what I mean. So Tracy, you have an extra bedroom now, you could turn it into a gym room! Put down an exercise mat, and leave thigns out!!! I have a couple of machines with nowhere to put them.....I soooo wish I had an extra room.... We did pizza for dinner. I took the sausage off of Kinsey's----she knows it used to be a pig! She had no idea about the pepperoni! She loved the salad. Ate enough salad so I don't worry too much about her diet. She loves tofu-----and is telling me how good it is! But Manda still feeds her some meat, and actually took her and let her have sushi the other night, she just ate a salad---said it was harder than any steak she has passed up!!! Dummy! She is SUPER impressionable, always has been. She is on a major health kick. It has made a difference in Kinsey....even I can see it. She is not allowing her red meat, and doing everything in her power to keep her away from artificial sweeteners, red food dye, and high fructose corn syrup. She will sit still, and write her full name, and have a calm conversation with you. It might be her age, and just her maturing, but Manda thinks it is all related. This was her pediatricians recommendations, she said they are the culprits many times. Small bodies metabolize them quickly and suffer from spikes and lows related to the sugars, and many kids stomachs cannot properly digest red meat, and it actually begins rotting in their systems! EEWWW!!! Anyway, she seems better....Manda is happy. Guess that is all that matters. She is so small, I was worried, that if her diet was modified, she would lose weight. Not an issue, she eats plenty!!! For her school placement, she is in the 31st percentile for height. Head measurment, she is in the 38th percentile, and in weight....she did not make the chart! Scrawny!!! She weighs just over 30 pounds maybe. Is over 5 and still in a full 5 point harness carseat without issue!!! She needs a size 4-5 in length, but her shorts in infant sizes still fit her! Hilarious. Poor thing is gonna be like her Granny and belong to the "No Assatol" Tribe..... Well off to visit with my sweetie!

Cindy I cannot imagine, hours staring at nothing....I am pretty good at day dreaming too!!! LOL I am thinking really seriously about checking in with my Dr. tomorrow to see about another round, just so it does not get bad again....today I feel like someone hit me with a Mack truck. Took the truck in, took them 2.5 hours, sitting in a nice comfy chair, with my pop and my book.....and my reading glasses at home! grrrrr I managed, but it was a struggle!! LOL Went from there to Albertsons to get some things we needed, they were out of stock.....ad broke this morning, c'mon! So go up to pay, I cannot find my debit card! I call Rick and tell him to look in the van....meanwhile I am searching for the keys to see if I left it in the truck. In the process, I find my debit, but no keys---they are locked in the truck! He come over opened the truck for me, and I come home. I am EXHAUSTED. Like I have run a marathon or something----all I did was sit and wait. Rick and I tried the new KFC double chicken thing. 2 chicken breast patties, with bacon and cheese inside. Was good, but 3-4 bites and I was done. VERY dense, and filled me up quick. ON the good side, I have not had any cravings for anything all day---pure protein, no carbs. Think I'd learn that lesson!!! Well off to play with Miss Kinsey, and find something to call dinner.......nothing is even remotely sounding good!

Yes Tracy, Trey used to be here on LBT usually from work, he has a wife and family, and working odd hours (nights) he kept his screen time to a minimum. He was a fellow Mod Squad member (moderator) and he got caught up in a worse blow out than the Violets had by far. In our "posting just to post" room, there were many, many divas.....and some seriously STRONG personalities. And when another moderator made some personal issues into a public matter, it blew sky high! Sadly there were a group of these women who took EVERYONE to task for something, and Trey stood up for what he believed, and they did everything in their power to eviscerate him. They were banned, and tried to take it all to FB....and amazingly once you refuse to friend them there, I believe they have mostly dissappeared....finally. In the meantime tho, we lost a really good group of people and support. And many accusations were made, and stuff that were simply not true. Personally I miss his wit, and insight....as well as that of a few others in that old room. I have to take our truck in to the dealer today--it has a recall. Poor old thing! LOL It is a farm truck!! But they said the risk of fire is present even when the cruise is not in use. And when we go get wood, we do actually use the cruise control on our way out----so going to go get it repaired. I am still relying on my inhalers to breath without coughing. But all in all, feel better, and the junk I am coughing up (gross I know sorry!) is now yellow not dark green/gray. So it is getting better, it is just sloooooow. I have a goal to be back at goal by August. One of the women we are going to Sturgis with is a teeny thing, and loves to bring that into conversation. Every conversation. She dresses in clothes made for 20 year olds----low cut (shows off the boob job) and short shirts--sadly shows off a VERY taut, tan belly, especially for having 5 kids! LOL She wears the torn jeans....and drinks heavily.....and comments on weight, size, build ALL the time. I want to give her a little less ammunition!!! LOL, besides it is a reasonable goal, and maybe will give me the incentive I seem to need!!!! Well gotta go check on the parents. Called last night, for Ricks Mom to tell us his Dad bled out following his procedure, but no they didn't call us or any of the kids, or the Dr. he is doing better now. Grrrrrrrrrr attention mongers! If we had not called, we would not know still......seriously pisses me off at his Mom. I understand the embarrassment his Dad might have been feeling.....but she should have called. She is such a martyr, it just makes me want to let her suffer....not give her the attention she tries to add too with this crap. oh well nothing new......

Hey Trey, long time no see--here or on FB. Figured your schedule changed permanently. Let us know how you are doing!!!

Suzanne, I told you so on FB, which is where I read the great news first, but it brought tears to my eyes!! I am SOOOO glad you got a great report! It IS a good day!!!! There will be a good deal of prayers of thanks today I bet!!! Michelle, hope your Mom is out soon, and you hear good news on it too! My FIL had part of his roto rooter thing done yesterday, and the Dr. said the prostate looked good, no signs of cancer. All good. They will stretch it some more in a month or so. Tracy, nothing more. DH wants to talk to DS man to man, face to face. We do not want him to leave feeling like we are mad at him. We are mad, but mostly, just extremely disappointed, and worried for him, and mostly for his kids. When there is no Dad to yell and carry on at---we don't want it involving his kids. We look for either his job or his marriage to take the hit...neither one good choices. He really needs to see a Dr. I have dealt with bi polar people before, and same as then, the frequency and severity of his outbursts does nothing but intensify. You know his Mom has only gotten worse as she aged, and when she drinks or "whatever". At least with him we do not have the "whatever" to deal with anymore. She had a gun in the car on her way to take out the church, beginning with her parents. I seriously do not want him getting to that point, being locked in mental wards....but he is on a fast track that way....and it saddens me to no end. His highs and lows are changing more frequently---he is happy and chatters a mile a minute, and will help anyone, and is a loving person. Then the lows come, and rather that hit him with depression, he hits with anger. And he is not irritated, he is full bore PO'd! Now his wife deals with it. But they are going down there where they know one other couple. How many times is that woman going to allow him to yell and curse in front of her kids, or get mad at her, before that friendship fails. They were friends when the couple lived here, but son was in a better place then....they think he will be when he gets there. The thing is the stresses may be different, but the stresses will still cause the same outcome. The financial differences will be astronomical....Working FOR a man who used to work you...is going to be a change.....not seeing his daughter at all anymore, and still having to send CS, is not going to settle well with him, and if he does not pay, her Mom said she has a pre paid legal service now through work, and if she does, he will have to hire and attorney and all that. All those things will stress him. He may not be working on a tractor for Grandpa, but it is not going to be a stress free life. All in all, Rick and I think it is a good thing for them to go. They have it in their heads they have it so bad here, the only way they will see what life has to offer is to go explore. We just hope they all make it ok. Hope....and Pray....a LOT! Oh and we heard a rumor about someone moving into their place...which would be a good thing. It is a positive change. Hope it all works out, would be great for my inlaws too. Would ease the loss of Connor. Well time to fix dinner! Will check in..... SOOOOO happy Suzanne!!!

Just lost a long post, to my own stupidity! Grrrr Lets see.....recap Got all ready straightened hair, and then noticed it was raining.....poof hello curls! Coat is in the car...... DS left message for Rick, semi apologizing---but yet mostly chastizing him! Says he knows Rick is mad at him but don't take it out on Connor! Hellooooo???? He is the one who banned us from Tball! Now he is trying to make Rick feel bad because Connor misses him at practice. But he will not acknowledge HE SAID IT!!! Besides the fact, that all went down before the change at work, and now Rick is working later, and cannot make practice anyway. And inferred that he didn't answer because he was mad.....uh no! If he is off work and not on call, that phone is turned OFF! Worries me he has worse problems than I am already worried about....... Anyway I am off to help Rick pick out glasses. BBL Will be sending an email to you all---Michelle I don't have an email, so will send it private message to your FB ----- all when I get back.

Cindy, I think for the masses---I would go with the full shot---so they can see how beautiful she is literally from head to toe!!! I would personally however, see if you could do a collage, so you could capture some of the personality she has shown in each of the pics. You should be VERY proud!! Please extend my congratulations to her, and my hopes that she fully enjoy the remainder of her senior year!! Tracy---I would never try to tell you that what you are feeling is wrong---because it isn't. But neither is what DH is feeling wrong. He is a Dad, he wants what he wants. That does not make it right. Rick and I have done it over and over with our son, and here we are. You make excuses, and give allowances. You overcompensate because you caused this child to be from a broken home....you think if you just SHOW them how loved they are, the behaviour will change.....the reasons and excuses you make are non ending. It all boils down to "this is my child, and I love them"...... Someday Macy will be a teen, and while she will be raised with a steadier home....she too will push your buttons and her limits. And as her Mom you will be hard on her, but also want to give her another chance...over and over!!! That is what you should do. I just sense your frustration with Frank over this, and he is truly in a NO WIN situation. And it hurts to be there. Hang onto each other through the hard stuff, and some day she will be all grown up, and hopefully show that she did listen! Well I am off to yak with my DH he is full of stories, and they need my attention!! Work is crazy again!

Hey Julie, long time no see!!! Good to see you are still doing well. Have you finished all your surgeries? Are you happy with your results? Very nice to see you again!!!

Tracy, many of the oilfield service companies around here that DH looked into during all this turn around stuff, ONLY accept them online. Then if you pass the original criteria, they ask you in in person. I know his current employer, hires from an office 6 hours away! Go figure that out!! Got news today that my great nephew is going to be a Daddy. He is 20-21 maybe. Currently in college--they both are, he has been seeing this girl since he was a sophmore in high school---Rick and I said not too long ago, they sure were comfortable with one another! They are both from the same background in the fact they both have caucasion Moms, and Navajo Indian Dads. So anyway, late summer, there will be a new little family member to love. I am really happy about that!! They will make wonderful parents. Happen a little before it should have ideally I supposed, but it is what it is, and things will be good. Now he needs a decent job tho. He LOVES to argue politics with my DD and DH, and is totally against the Health care plan, and is always saying people should pay their own way....so heaven help him, if he plans to have the government help pay to have his child, and him remain in school, my family will raise hell with him!!! Silly boy.....he decided it is time to grow up!!! DIL's van would not start this morning, DS run the battery down I guess, and she called Rick to find out how to jump start it. Mentioned to him practice is tonight for Connor. She doesn't get that DS (yes DAMN son) told us we were not welcome. She cannot undo his words, only he can apologize for them, and change things. Rick has dealt with this craziness from his Mother for 30 years---when the kids were young, that was her mantra "You'll never see these kids again!!!" Only to end up raising the kids. Now the son wants to spout the same crap----he will not take it anymore. Shoudn't have too. So....nothing has changed. Riding yesterday helped. Went in and had lunch with Rick today and went to walmart. Now I am totally 100% exhausted, feel like someone beat me. May have been too much too soon. Oh well, done for the week anyway. Off to vaccuum the LR. See ya afterwhile...

I'm here, I'm ok. Spent the day riding, and reflecting.....and trying to deal with the fear, and anger.....got nowhere!!! LOL Cindy---great pics! Tracy---we'll get back on track, really we will. Suzie--I am so glad you enjoyed your concert! Michelle---glad your surgery is scheduled and hope your storm is not too bad! Jenn---miss you! Will check in tomorrow. Thanks friends!

Son is going next week I guess. DIL and kids not for a couple of months. At least thats the gist of what I get from my in laws who are "not involved". Irritated me so bad just now, I left and come home. Stranded my husband. They have him cleaning their ditch--same idea as what runs behind our house, only they Water their fields with theirs, but FIL is too old to wield a chainsaw, and keep things cleaned out---so guess who gets to do it. Rick. So he is off dealing with it--and MIL kept on, and finally said one too many times that she just doesn't know what to make of them leaving, she just doesn't want to be in the middle of it. Finally I bit my tongue and told her I didn't know either, and the longer it has lasted the more I could actually care less, and I needed to get home, I felt bad....and left. So when Rick gets done, he will have to call me for a ride! I could not take her crap anymore, and I was totally afraid DIL was going to come over and try to act normally around me....nope, I am done right now, and want left the hell alone. Go to LA, and be happy. Leave me here to be happy. At least no one will be yelling over nothing. Michelle, sorry you are still sick....Tracy, hope you don't get any worse....stress will let it knock the crap out of you I fully believe. I did ok, fighting this junk off, until I allowed myself to get so stressed. And I know you are feeling some stress right now too. Today I am doing better, but the cough is killing me. I cannot quit coughing. My head hurts from the constant cough....as does every muscle in my belly! LOL closest thing to a workout they have got in a long while. How was your concert Suzanne?? I am still jealous!!! Well I am off to lose myself in a book or something, so I can escape reality.....cuz reality sucks my friends!!! LOL

Thanks Tracy. I told Rick, he was sad, but very confident and sure of the stance he has taken. He is afraid for him. He always uses Rick to lash out at, and we worry who will get it and if his marriage will survive the living away from his usual pounding post of his Dad. I guess at 30 he is going to HAVE to face the music. We will always be around when he comes around. We would never turn our back on him. I am going to ride to town with Rick these 4 walls are closing in. BBL

Just heard through SIL, son is moving to LA afterall, and apparantly not going to tell us......some days life sucks. BBL

I too chose to go with the band because it allowed me "everything in moderation". They banded my stomach, not my brain, nor did it stem desire for foods considered "bad". And quite frankly, there is little positive to be said about Cotton Candy--besides the fact that it does taste good and it ALWAYS takes me back to childhood in an amusement park in Denver!!! Yes I have eaten it. It didn't kill me, it didn't cause any "dumping" situation, it likely did stop any weight loss I might have had for the day-and it did nothing for me nutritionally. What it DID do for me, was allow me to feel normal. I personally chose banding, because portion control, and non stop eating were my issues, rather than poor food choices. I have grandchildren, and I want to be able to enjoy cake and ice cream with them on their birthdays....I just did not want to plan on eating the remainder of the cake when everyone left! The band has allowed me to do those things. With the cotton candy, and sweets, my best guess (and that is all it is -- a guess) would be that it increased saliva production in a quick enough way, your body perhaps interpreted it as something stuck and produced even more saliva --- like a sliming episode, which would leave you feeling over full, and account for the gurgling and belching. So....yeah you ate nutrient free food, and felt full. Bad part is you didn't get any nutrients from it. The one food I seriously have problems eating, since being banded 4 years ago, is watermelon. I love it---but a few bites in, and I am sliming, and ready to PB. Does not matter how small the bites are---I guessed the reason to be the amount of Water, or liquid in it, floats the solids, and makes me feel too full. In both cases, I am only guessing! It would be nice to know!! LOL Good Luck with your band!

I had to add something to this! Back when I lost the majority of my weight, and had this sack of skin hanging where my belly was supposed to be---I was whining about it to my husband. I said "would you look at this it is disgusting!" He said to me....across the bed...."well let me grab my glasses if there is something you want me to see." So.......just take away his glasses!!! This is my husband. A man I dated (and actually lived with a short while!!) when I was in my 20's and in a size 7. Then lost touch with, and reunited with when we were both divorced, and I was almost 300 pounds, and a size 22/24!!! We did a long distance thing for 2 years! Then ended up together, married, and years into the marriage, I began discussing WLS. He seemed to run hot and cold, I could never tell if he supported it or not. Finally one night we were sitting in the lawn swing and he unloaded his feelings!!! He told me it is hard for him, if he encourages me to have surgery, it can be taken that he would not accept me as I was. If he did not act excited, it come accross as he was against it....... So keep in mind your new friend, will have similar issues, not wanting it to be the center of conversation!!! Good Luck, may you find years of happiness!!!

Kiniharri--you are welcome to add the link to the site into your signature, but unless you are an advertiser on this site, you cannot use posts to promote it. You will find details in the posting rules. I never used baby utensils or found a need for them, I occupied some of my time eating making small bites. You eat less, and are filled quickly, so the extra time, equals out with your eating partner! An analogy I use frequently is one of a cake decorators icing bag. If you will consider the consistancy of cake icing, it will give you an idea of the consistancy you want to chew your food to. If you imagine the bag to be your stomach, When left standing, the thickness of the frosting does not ooze out without help. You must squeeze the bag to push the food through. Your stomach muscles knead and squeeze, helping to push the food on through the stoma. If you chew to a paste consistancy, that alone is enough to push it through. If you swallow too big a bite it is going to be like dropping a grape into your decorating bag-----it is going to block the opening, and nothing is going to pass....so when the food backs up, up it usually comes. By the same token, drinking with your meals, and drinking high calorie drinks, even if they are Protein drinks....if you add that to the bag it just rolls right on through, no slowdown, no sense of fullness for very long. If you think about keeping it to a texture that will allow you to feel full for the longest period of time, it will help with your weightloss. 4 years later---small bites are habit, portioning out how much I think I can eat, and boxing the rest is habit, drinking in moderation saving the liquids for between meals, is habit. I have learned some foods for me are harder to chew. Some are not worth it to me....some are! I have learned it is better for me to pay more for a really nice lean steak, because no matter how much smaller it is it WILL be enough for me! Practicing the small bites early is a great plan, the sooner it all becomes the norm, the better off you and your band will be! Good Luck All!!

Michelle, no matter if they do your surgery laproscopically, or open, the restrictions are likely to be much more drastic, and last a much longer time than with the banding. Technically with the banding, there was no cutting internally. Nothing rearranged permanently. With the hysterectomy there will be. One of the BIGGEST issues is not lifting. When they remove the uterus, it leaves the bladder without its support, so it gets stitched in place, and if you do something to pop those stitches, then you face urine leakage problems. My Mom has had 5 surgeries trying to repair hers. She fell down stairs at the church a month after her hysterectomy and ripped it loose. With banding, the biggest incisions were to get things into you--with the hysto, they are removing, and suturing internally. The recovery will be more painful, and will be longer. I sm not trying to scare you---I am in FULL support of it. All those reproductive organs are useless to me if I am not wanting another child, and if they are not being used get rid of them!! Bleeding every month does NOT make me a woman!! LOL I just want you to be very realistic about the recovery. I was opened in a cross pattern, since mine was a cancer situation, so I had lotsa stitches, and lotsa healing that way---but others I know have had them vaginally, and more recently laproscopically, and it is still a bit more of a recovery than banding. Prepare for the worst....and hope for the best, and you will be covered!!!

Good morning! It really is still morning here, 11 AM, I am up, have taken a shower, and actually have some laundry going. I made my bed, so I would not get back in it today---time to get well! Crud, brother is here, will finish this when he leaves. OK, he just dropped off dishes I had sent food home with him from Easter in. Michelle, I agree with Suzanne, beginning now, when you cook, anything that can be cooked in doubles and froze....do it! If you can pay bills ahead, do that, if not, write them out and put the date it will be safe to mail them where the stamp goes, then DH can drop them as needed! Start finding little things that will allow DD to self entertain, and hide them, even wrap them to make them special--for while you are gone in the hospital, or when you get home. Stock the pantry with easy to fix snacks for her. Figure out ways she can climb into her car seat herself, or her highchair, start letting her do it. Begin breaking the carry her thing---there will be 6 weeks minimally you won't be able to carry her.....so sad, but true. Figure out a way to manipulate your pillows in your bed, to sit up and be comfy, and then she can snuggle next to you and you can read, and even watch TV together if you have a TV in there. Just start paying attention to how you are doing things, and if it involves lifting or stretching or squating, try to figure an alternate way out now, and be prepared---everything from hooking the dogs to the run, to putting on your shoes! The less you have to figure out after the fact the better! And my #1 piece of advice....when they say take a stool softner--believe them and DO IT!! LOL Tracy, I think you have exactly the right attitude in regards to the dsd. Having never been a step daughter, and never having another living option, I guess it is just foreign to me! I am glad you are standing on your own, and letting it go, you are doing great, down 3 pounds DURING TOM, that is great! I laughed at Rick he ask me if I was doing the "one good stomach virus away from goal" diet. I laughed that it would take more than a stomach virus, and that while it might not seem like I am eating a lot, I am eating pretty normal, and I am drinking 10 X my normal in calories, with all the juice I am drinking! It is so loaded with sugar it is unreal! But it sure feels good on my throat. You have a big yard to take care of now, so you will get some good exercise doing that! We are anxiously awaiting them opening up our ditch. We have a canal/ditch that runs behind our upper property, it is probably 7 feet deep, 8 across---and we have a headgate that brings it down to us, so we can water free, we have water rights. But as of yet it is not filled. Then when they fill it, we wait a week or so, because they put weed killer in the ditch and when the water hits it, it of course moves on, and when I water my flowers....they no like it!!! Rick said he would take me riding this weekend!!! So he can saddle up and do the exertion, and I can do the enjoying! I likes him! Will send you the video of my baby grandson Tracy--he is such a sweetie! Will check in later~

Tracy, you know the age of your dsd, if the school is different, it may be totally unrelated to you or home completely! Like Cindy said, let it go...it will eventually come out, and one of the very last things you want to do, is give her power in manipulating the situation. Saying that does not mean she is a bad kid....just a kid! They see that something works like that, and they play us like a fine fiddle!!! I forgot to apologize on here to my Mom. I was whining, that I was sick and she had not bothered to check on me. I was wrong. I had forgot she had a dentist appointment for a root canal. Her appointment was for 9:15 AM so she did not want to wake me before she left, and called as soon as she come home. I should be ashamed, I know my Mom better than that. She would lay down her life for me, and I was whiny that I wanted her to go buy me kleenex!!! Shame on me. I was being a brat. Maybe that is why I have such insight to step children!!! LMAO! Son come over on Easter, like I say--acting like all was well, and was told it WOULD be discussed, so we have heard NOTHING from him. I got the cutest email from DIL....of my youngest grandson, getting totally tickled at Connor making a silly noise at him. I will forward the email if you wanna see it, it will make you laugh with him, he is such a doll!!! Anyway, she ask why I didn't come to practice, I told her I was sick, and that was that, we have not heard a word from them. Kids---they are no different at 30 that at 13. Some days they just bite! Was easier when that meant with teeth!!! Well I just finished shelling a huge bowl of pecans, filled a quart bag---what a royal PITA!!! But I have to get them done.....the garage is going to start getting hot, and they won't last well out there then.....dammit!!! LOL Enjoy your soak in the sun Michelle. I am off to bed. I took such a late nap, I am just now getting tired again. David Letterman sounds like me!!!

Tracy I am SOOOO proud of you!!!! To hang tough during the dsd crap, is incredibly strong of you!!! I am not sure of the others in the room, but I DO know the highs and lows of step parentdom!!! I love my kids---the one grown in my womb and the ones grown in my heart----but to everyone else (meaning Rick's family)--I am ONLY the step Mom, I cannot stand it!!! I was the one to go to school conferences! I held the bucket while they puked all over, and cleaned it up when they missed. Same as Rick did for Manda. I taught them to drive, and helped plan their weddings, and love their babies as my own. But it always comes down to his Mom and sisters telling me to let Rick deal with it, they are his kids! He tells them, no they are our kids....they never get it! The honest to God fact is that there is a difference in how things are between the 2 kids of Ricks and my DD--and a HUGE part of that is everyone always making me feel like I HAD to behave differently with them. The threat hanging over your head that you either do it right, or they can be taken away or choose to leave---it screws with your ability to parent effectively. You give away your heart to have it thrown in your face or trompled on.....and even if it never happens, you guard a part of your heart just in case. And it NEVER goes away! Our son is still causing me those feelings, worrying whether I will see my grandsons easily if I piss him off......it sucks. Step parenting is wonderful sometimes, the way it grows your family, and like the kids, the bonds between them are incredible---but it is hard, and it is scary, and it is anything but easy. If you need to talk Tracy--I am a phone call away. Be warned I sound as tho I belong in a horror movie, I do not have much voice....and what I do have sounds kinda like a pre teen boy! Feeling better this afternoon. Kind of thinking I might have a UTI---or am reacting to the antibiotics.....not sure, going to watch it. Cough is bad, but chest congestion has eased some. Aches and pains are gone---thank goodness!!! It is getting better. Michelle sorry you are icky too. Feel better soon! Suzanne---your Daniel makes me think of our "Marvin"/Marilyn. I miss her so bad. I have her picture in our family shelves, and when I pass by it, it just makes me smile, she was such an awesome kid! And she was over 40! Small, and inquisitive, and not a mean bone in her body! She competed in Special Olympics and loved to win. But she always ended up crying, either she cried because she lost, or because someone else was crying because they lost!!! Her heart was sooooo big! The Dr. says now looking back at her illness and the quickness it hit, and took over her respiratory system, she was likely one of the first cases of Swine Flu. Her lungs were compromised anyway, she had severe scoliosis, and deformity of her torso anyway, and it put pressure on her lungs, and organs, so her system was compromised already. They attributed it to the flu---but it was another 5 days before it become an all out issue here with Swine Flu. Hope Jens job is going well!! And Tracy, if you need us we are here!!

Hi girls~ Fever has broke, chest feels tighter, but all in all, I feel better than yesterday...so it is moving in the right direction. Suzie, no one could ever accuse you of being cold hearted! You do more for your family in a week, than most do in a year. And in one way or another most of us have dealt with manipulative people, whether addicted or not....and the addiction only makes it worse. Could she have seen the attention the nephew got with his ordeal, and wanted the attention he got? When I had my scope surgery on my left knee, it was a day prodedure. I got out, we stopped at a local church for a health fair, to get our flu shots. Come home, and slowly throughout the day the knee began to hurt worse. By night, I could not flinch without it causing excrutiating pain. It was swelling....I could not imagine what was up with it, I mean they just cleaned up the meniscus, not a major surgery! So I finally called the surgeon, they did not act real surprised. So off we go to meet them in the office. Not MY surgeon, but one in the practice that was on call. He actually ask if whoever was driving me in, would be up to assisting him, and if so he wouldn't bother the nurse!!! Cracked me up! So Rick, my Mom and I go in, and he laid me down on a table in the casting room. Told me that sometimes they cause a bleeder, and the incisions are so small, the blood has nowhere to escape from, and it causes extreme pressure on the nerves. He laid me back, had Rick hold my leg flat, rolled to the outside, and he swabbed me down with betadine, and it HURT!!! Touching it hurt! Moving it was a horror! Then he took an open ended needle, and stabbed it! I kid you not! The blood squirted out about 4 feet!! He grabbed a large trash can they had right there---and just held it while the blood continued to spray out! He got my Mom over to kind of monitor the position of the trashcan, and he come over to push and kind of squeeze on my knee, which no longer hurt at all! Finally when it just quit draining, he pulled the needle--I wanted it to stay in, it was such INSTANT relief, I cannot tell you! He said I likely popped a blood vessel moving around as much as I did, sent me home to rest it for 24-48 hours, with no fairs to attend!!! And it was fine! When I read your sisters story I thought maybe she did the same thing! But sadly as I read, I realized, there was deeper emotional problems at hand. You have to do what you have to do. The family is furious with Rick and I over our treatment of our son. But....to accept his behaviour is to accept it, and we do not. We want him to see a Dr., be tested, and treated. It would benefit him most of all. Followed by all of us who love him. The temper outbursts will get him into trouble, and they are increasing in venom and frequency as he gets older, and as his stress levels increase. Same thing with his Mother. I understand that feeling what you feel does not make you cruel and uncaring.....really I do.....really you are not! Tracy, girl, good for you with your eating. I want things I don't have! So I am snacking on crap. I need to go to the store, but have been putting it off. Rick bought 7 bags of stuff, and half of what I need.....it is getting critical on the kleenex end of things. I thought my Mom would call and maybe offer to go....but as petty and whiny as it sounds, she has not called, and I refuse to call her and ask for help. So I will dress and go. And pout..... Better get to it, before my afternoon of sleeping is out of here. Hugs to you all!!! Michelle, let us know what the Dr. says!! Hope YOU feel better really quick!!

As for the original angle of this thread, I was at a seminar once where the speaker said he believed our auto insurance nation wide should be built into the price of our fuel. Across the board. You drive crazy, fast starts etc, or drive a big truck, you pay more. You don't drive much, you pay less. The more you drive the more you pay.... I realize this does not take into account the drivers charged more for infractions they have committed. My point is, that it may have been said facetiously here, but the thought has been around since I was at this seminar in 1983!!! As for the HC bill, I have seen pros and cons with it. We have a child with a preexisting condition, that she is going to be unable to buy an independent policy to cover, when she graduates this year. It would be nice for her to be able to go on to college, without her health being the deciding factor at age 19. She is not asking for it to be a free ride, just to have insurance so if she flares, she can see a Dr. I also agree taxes would be raised with or without the HC bill---we still have 2 wars to pay for.......

Had blood work, a flu nasal swab, and chest Xrays. Verfict is a flu virus--not one required to be reported to the CDC, and a mile case of pneumonia in the upper lobe of my right lung. I'm home, with antibiotics, and pain meds...orders to rest, drink, and practice deep breathing to keep the lungs from getting worse. Just took some more Motrin, hope to feel marginally better soon. Rick is off buying out Safeway--he goes SO far overboard, thinking this might help me or that would be good, that he buys 6 different juices, and a dozen kinds of crackers.....he means well, but he is excessive. Will check in after I sleep for awhile. Thanks for caring everyone, it truly does help.....

Waiting for Rick to get here to drive me to the Dr. I have not been this sick in a loooong time. Fever is raging---enough I scared Rick in the night, because I wanted to get up and put make up on my face because it was so cold.....not that I remember it! I remember being freezing cold. Fever is better this morning, hovering about 101. Chest hurts, throat hurts--actually every joint I have hurts, and my hair hurts....so go figure. In laws have not even called, and I am not getting their food to them, Rick can do it on his way back to work or tonight, I don't care. Will check in later sometime, gonna go close my eyes and wait for Rick.