BethFromVA

Thanks, ksill, and yes, they do. I love their input. That's why I <heart> this place. :smile:

LOL, Lulu, you crack me up! I certainly don't have a problem communicating. He just has a different idea of what can be done than I do. I was pretty mad about this last exchange and need to collect my thoughts so as not to attack him with how I feel so that he can receive what I have to say. It's just frustrating, and I vent online about it. We don't fight often at all (especially for being married as long as we have been), but we are on totally separate planets on this issue. He used to be fat as a kid until halfway through college. I was thin until my mid- to late-20's. He still uses food as an emotional crutch, but it doesn't affect him the way it does me. I am learning to NOT use food as an emotional crutch, which is hard right now because this conflict is getting me emotional. :smile:

I'm sure he'll eventually come around. And to boot, I have to keep standing firm. I know he wants me to be healthy and happy but probably didn't think about what that would mean for him when it happened.

Ohhhh, right. No, not that one, but yes, you're right. :smile:

Which one?? Seems there are a couple (if we're talking about the right thread).

I know you didn't, sorry. That was for one of our resident trolls. :smile: I know I will eventually get to where my willpower wins out. It's been happening even now, but I am just trying to be careful because I know MY weaknesses.

PJTP: WTF is wrong with people?? Is it a full moon or something??

Yes, but sometimes being a husband and father means that you do what may be right for your spouse sometimes too. I'd have told him to find the car keys himself or open the fridge. But I suppose that's the battle axe in me. :smile:

What is it that some of you troglodytes don't understand?? Nobody said the spouse can't have their life, but when they're bringing home danish and candy for the banded spouse, you seem to think that is okay and shame on the banded one for "interfering" with the other spouses life! Good lord, I never realized there was such stupidity in some of you people, but I never fail to be surprised at the depth of it.

And you sound like a window licking bottle squatter. Thank you for your "opinion."

Coming from YOU, that's the epitome of the pot/kettle scenario. :smile:

Oh good lord!! :smile: Look, I want a Ferrari, but I don't make the public or my parents pay for it! She's selfish and insane. She said she wanted a big family because she was an only child and got no love and attention. Now SHE has created a situation where she has a litter of kids and will not be able to give any ONE of them proper attention. To create a situation that you can't even take care of is selfish. To expect the taxpayer to pay for your selfish wants is selfish! To expect her PARENTS to take up the slack for her selfish wants is SELFISH!! With six children, there was NO reason to put herself in this situation, even for ONE more. How dare she!! If she was in a situation where she could AFFORD them and take care of them, then I say good for her. But she CAN'T. I will NEVER support people who make selfish choices that then places a burden on others. She's not the Duggar family, where there is a loving COUPLE who have chosen to have children -- and THEY take care of them! They don't rely on assistance, they don't play the system, they did it the RIGHT way, allowing God to choose. This woman played God (being that you believe in God, I'm sure you will agree that maybe there was a REASON God did not allow her to get pregnant the traditional way and instead usurped HIS will and played god herself), and she is SELFISH. Nothing good can come of this!

And I WILL get there. I just don't trust MYSELF yet. Does that make sense? I DO go out to eat, but just not 3-4 times a week. Besides being bad for us, we frankly can't afford to do it. I couldn't even bring myself to tally what it was costing us a month, but I wouldn't be surprised to find it was $800+. So there is another reason we MUST change this bad habit. I'm still new at this, so I'm trying to be very cautious. I know all the stumbling blocks I experienced in the past, and I'm trying not to do them again. Maybe I'm being over-cautious, but that's to be expected when you've dieted and failed as many times as many of us have. Hell, at least I'm not on here saying, "I don't exercise and I eat out all the time and I'm not losing a thing, wtf?" I KNOW what my issues are and I'm trying to address them. If they affect him, well... unfortunately that's too bad. He was with me when I made this decision to get the band. It's not like I sprung it on him after I got it. We talked about what needed to be done, and he was on board... for a while. All I'm saying is if he's not on board now, then please, go out and leave me home. I'm entitled to set my OWN ground rules for my journey, am I not? I'm not feeding him rabbit food or making him hike five miles with me. He eats his Pasta with dinner while I do not. He can still make his faves, just don't expect me to share. Overall, the change to HIS life is minimal. All I ask for is to not be sabotaged at every turn or argued with over what I can eat.

That's exactly it. When we met, I was about 150. Could have stood to lose about 20 pounds, but the food wasn't as big in my life as it became over time. When we dated, everything revolved around eating out. And often during our marriage, we'd eat out 3-4 times a week, which is waaay too much. Sometimes it was just because neither of us felt like cooking, other times it was because we wanted to try this or that new restaurant. I willingly went along for the ride and enjoyed it. Then "one day" I woke up more than 100 pounds over where I was when we met. When you are trying to eat chicken and fish and he's talking about going "just this once" to have that steak dinner or other delight at that restaurant we both love, it can be easy to eventually succumb because you really WANT to have that instead of another. night. of. chicken. It's MY fault for eventually saying yes. I take FULL blame. But at the same time, when he knows that you're trying to behave, why tempt? Because HIS wants come before YOUR needs eventually, that's why. That's my frustration. This time I have essentially laid down the law -- where *I* am concerned, not him. HE can go out whenever he wants, but I won't join him. But that wasn't good enough in our last conversation because he was trying to convince me I can still go. It's like taking an alcoholic to a bar and saying you can be safe and order Water. Yeah, but... When one is in a close relationship like this, the other should not do anything to try to sabotage the other. If he had to do some new training for work over the weekend, I would not put my needs to be paid attention to over his need to do his work and go upstairs and bother him and harass him, you know? This isn't just about vanity or what I want. I NEED to do this. I was staring major health issues in the face, and I was afraid I wouldn't live into my 50's if I didn't do something. I didn't just get the band for vanity's sake (well, that will be a nice side effect, but that certainly wasn't the reason). I NEEDED to do something more drastic, something that would help me. Too many people get the band and feel like, whoopee, I can do anything I want now and eat like before. Wrong. Sadly, I guess so do some spouses. Again, WRONG. One day food may not have the hold on me that it does. Until then, I at least need some support from him in the form of understanding that this is MY cross to bear and I don't need him becoming a stumbling block for me. That isn't really too much to ask, and anybody in any kind of relationship should understand this, no matter how block-headed they are.

Some might take that as a threat. :smile:

I like you! :smile:

Ginger, you hit the nail right on the head. Oftentimes the hardest part of this journey is knowing where we might misstep. I have learned these things from prior attempts at dieting and am attempting to deal with them head on or before they start. When you've been with somebody for 17 years, you know all their idiosyncracies.

But that's what appears to not be noticed in what I said. I never expected him to "diet" with me, exercise with me, or even change what HE does. All I asked is that he not expect me to eventually do what HE wants, i.e. going out all the time or eating that big beef stroganoff he just made. He argued with me that you can get a healthy meal ANYwhere you go if you make the right choices, and I wholly disagreed. The safest thing for ME is to not go out. I never said he can't -- we have foodie friends that he is more than welcome to go out with. But for ME, it's too much of a temptation this early into the journey, and I bow out. That's all I asked of him, was to respect MY boundaries, not change his.

What "truth" did you offer?? I said I am standing my ground and not succumbing to the things he is doing. All you have been is a fuckwad. Why don't you move along.

I'm not. He's a troll who isn't even banded, obvioulsy isn't married or doesn't have a girlfriend (or boyfriend, for that matter), and apparently likes to twist things around rather than be of any help or substance. :smile:

Glad to see somebody here got the joke -- unlike our resident troll. :smile:

I wish I could say I thought it was as simple as that. In his defense, I don't believe that's it. I believe it only has to do with him loving to eat out or eat richly and in massive quantities, while I have to be careful of what I eat. That's why I compared it to two alcoholics and one decides to go on the wagon.

You really are thick, aren't you?? Shit, who are you, his mom?

I was being facetious. Good grief, is it a male thing that SO MUCH must be explained with charts and graphs and crayons on paper?? There was nothing mentioned about why I'm married to him or if I love him because my post isn't ABOUT that. It's about being with somebody who is as much a foodie as I ever was but doesn't have the weight issue that I do. I'm making changes, and he's almost acting put out that his eating buddy isn't going along with HIS program. It's frustration. Maybe you've never experienced that. Maybe you haven't been at this long enough, or you don't have somebody you've been with 17 years who can have a tendence to put his wants above your NEEDS. It's not whether I love him or not, this is an issue that I have had with him more than once that has aided me in falling off the wagon. It's like having two alcoholics and one chooses to abstain while the other remains an alcoholic and the change in those people's relationship towards eachother while they try to work out their relationship with alcohol. It's really no different. *Oh wait, I just looked -- hell, you haven't even been BANDED yet, so you have NO idea what I'm talking about. Figures.

Omg, you're right! What was I thinking??? :thumbup: