buildabetteranna

YAY! That's amazing and a milestone I hope to reach myself

Hi guys, my name is Anna and I'm really glad I found this site. I received approval from my insurance earlier this week, there's just one x-ray needed and then I will be scheduled. My mom had the same procedure over 2 years ago, but she's more of a cautionary tale of what not to do. I have friends who have had it done as well. The hardest part of this process for me has been giving up cigarettes, and trying to lose weight on my own. I started my umpteenth weight loss journey November of 2022, and finally went back to see my moms doctor in January of this year, after chickening out a couple times before. No matter what I've done I have no been able to get below 300 since 2016. My highest weight was 374. The smallest I've been is 230 in my 20s after losing 70 lbs and keeping it off 2 years. Right now I'm chilling at around 340, have been for almost 2 years. I love the gym, I love swimming, I love being active. But I have a lot of chronic pain from back and neck issues, as well as arthritis and between that and depression, it can be hard to get out of bed some days. Last time this year I had just finished a 16 week fitness challenge at a local CrossFit center, where I learned to do a real push up, deadlifts and other strength and endurance building exercises. It was great, and I got down to 315. Then the program ended and about 25 lbs reappeared out of thin air (psych, I know lol). I am hoping that this tool is the missing puzzle piece I've needed. I know how to track, how to measure, how to diet basically. And I know how to exercise. What I've struggled with more than anything is portion and hunger. It's hard to stay in a deficit when your stomach feels like it's gonna eat itself if you don't put enough food in it- That being said I do know I want to focus on protein and fiber for fullness, and I'm working on eating smaller and more frequent throughout the day which is helping some. I guess I'm as ready as I will ever be. Am I the only one who has struggled with being a bit depressed about it all? Like I am mourning the loss of so much, including my stomach and the ability to indulge in a meal. I understand I still can, but it's not gonna be the same having a jr popcorn at the movies, when i had a good portion of a large gone before credits were over- ya know? Like people who don't struggle with their weight take a lot for granted. My whole life I've been big, and it has always felt like a punishment I didn't do anything to bring about. And society punishes you for being overweight/obese/plus size. Part of me feels like cutting out a part of my organs is another punishment I must endure because I am fat. I hope this makes sense, and these are just fleeting thoughts and feelings, mind you. I have a wonderful counselor I see weekly, and we have talked about this, among other things. But I wanted to bring it up here because I am wondering if anyone has struggled with this line of thinking? And if so what are some good things about the process to focus on? I know the outcome of the weight being gone and my appetite under control, and I want those things very much. But it's the actual surgery and the discomfort I know is coming after that trips me up. Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and I wish you all well ❤️

Hi, and ty for sharing your experience with me, no worries. I am always interested in making a new friend for chatting so feel free to message me<3 Yes the surgery isn't gonna be so bad I think, it's the pain after I'm more concerned with.

I appreciate your taking your time to reply ❤️ I feel like I'm not communicating my feelings as efficiently as I can. My thoughts about dieting are similar to that of surgery. I feel as though its a punishment because "normal" people don't need to do this. My downfall is comparison- The line of thought is if I were just an average person, I wouldn't be so big in the first place, I could eat what I want and actually not go overboard. I could do so many things differently, in my head. Realistically I know obesity is on the rise so everyone eating what they want is no longer realistic for many. It's more or less wishful thinking at this point. I've been dieting since I was 5, and believe me that does feel like a punishment lol. I see my counselor once a week, because I, like so many, have a lot of trauma in my past. Late last year I checked myself into an outpatient eating disorder program for binge eating, because I was sure that is my problem. After 4 weeks of doing multiple hours long sessions, I was told my issue is not eating enough when I start my day, and then that trigger major hunger later. Truth be told I don't know about all that, I do know I need to heal my relationship with food and I am working on that. All in all, I know I will make it through, I've been working towards surgery since January of this year. It's given me a lot of time for thinking and reflecting. Too much time sometimes, lol. Thanks for hearing me out and all the great insight. I truly do appreciate it ❤️

Thank you very much, I will be sure to check that out And yes it is helpful, but I'm glad you found help here.

Hi there, I just wanted to let you know I was worried about mine as well as I have multiple diagnosis, but the test is mostly to see if you are consistent in telling the truth. They are just wanting to make sure when you say you are doing the program, you are actually trying to do it, at lest that's how it was explained to me. So I know this may not help but I doubt you have anything to worry about unless your like a pathologic liar which I'm going to go out on a limb and say your not lol. I wish you the best and hope you achieve your goals ❤️