NeonRaven8919

196 lbs is reasonable. My original goal was 199, and they said that was completely do-able if I was compliant with the program. Most people do end up either "overweight" or "class 1 obese" (which is not very obese...) - only about 10-15% make it to a normal BMI (my surgeon said that - and the research I've read confirms that). I told them when I hit 170 that I wanted to try for 150, and they told me that that wasn't very realistic, that not many of their patients manage to get down that low, so don't knock myself out - but I did make it (in fact, I got down to the 130s for a while - which was way too thin for me), but I did have that bounce back in year 3 that most people have. It'd be great to lose 10 lbs, but I'm OK with where I ended up. Anyway, I'm glad the appt went so well for you! You're going to be so happy you made this decision!

I've been told by my doctor that I'm behind the weight I should be losing. I should be done to 116kg (255 lbs) by now.
I really was starting to worry as the weight on the scale kept going up, but then I suddenly went down to 117kg. I had to stand on the scale twice because I couldn't believe the number. It was so easy the first couple of weeks of the pre-op diet and now it doesn't seem to be working as quickly.
I'm still doing what I need to, but it's not been easy. I've also been told by my doctor that after surgery, I won't be able to ride my bike for 6 weeks! This is more difficult than not being able to eat solid foods for weeks. My beautiful noble steed (her name is Angelique Iolanthe) will have to be in storage for 6 weeks.
7 more weeks until the surgery. I've been reading more articles and doing more research on the sleeve. I'm not sure if that easing the anxiety or adding to it.
Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories! It's one thing to do research and read medial information, but it's so much more reassuring to hear from people who have actually lived it. Even hearing the not so glamourous parts of life post-op.

Agreed, but I'd act/take it as a compliment to annoy the person saying it either way. If its not a heart filled compliment, the dig is on them..not the person hearing it. People are mean and spiteful at times unfortunately.
I find the best way to deflect "digs" is to ignore the dig and act as if its a compliment, it will annoy them and to others if they see it will see the person as petty and mean.

ok.
i may be in the minority here, but this statement does not sound like an actual compliment. it a backhanded one, really.
you deserve an actual, genuine compliment, without a subtle dig nor veiled criticism in it, given freely, honestly and all that.
you are beautiful. not annoyingly, but ACTUALLY.

Speaking from my own experience, I’m not the same person fat as I am thin. When I’m fat I am miserable. There’s a little cloud of…I don’t want to say unhappiness but maybe dissatisfaction I guess, that follows me around like that character of Charlie Brown (can’t think of his name, too lazy to look it up!) Like you @Bypass2Freedomthe bigger I am, the more invisible I become. I don’t maintain eye contact, my head is down, I barely smile at others, I feel very much an introvert which isn’t me. I hang back from things and lose my spontaneity. My clothing is dull and drab, anything to not call attention to my fat self. When I compare this to the person I am when I am thinner, well it’s like chalk v cheese. My head is up, I feel happier in myself, I can maintain eye contact, I talk, I laugh, I wear colourful clothing and makeup, I’m proud of myself because I know what an effort it took to get to be that person, to get that confidence back. I believe in myself once again, which is a very powerful thing I think, especially after spending years and year’s doubting myself. I can’t wait to feel all that again and to hold on to it very tightly this time around 😉

I was told fairly recently that I need to learn to take a compliment. My lack of response to them was just a knee jerk reaction and my mind thinking... Oh now I'm worthy of your attention?? No longer invisible??
It is hard not to be a bit resentful of the polar opposite way we are treated when obese vs. a healthy weight. But it's the way of the world unfortunately. On the flip side... I agree with @MrsFitz in that some people are just reflecting back to us how we feel about ourselves. I wanted to be invisible so I felt invisible.
So lift up your heads and be proud of all your hard work and how far you've come in taking back your life/health. Take those compliments. Even the backhanded ones. 😊

Had my dietitian appointment this morning and it went really well 🥳 I’m a healthy fat person, which was good to hear. All my tests have come back good, no issues with diabetes, high cholesterol, heart disease etc. We had a really good talk, told her about this forum and the ongoing support everyone receives, showed her my two food diaries - one pre-watching what I eat and one for now. She was very happy to read both, laughed at some of my comments regarding how I was feeling when I was eating, and congratulated me on the changes I have already made. She asked if I had a surgery in mind and why. I explained that I felt that a bypass would be more beneficial for me due to not feeling full, snacking etc, and she agreed.
Thankfully she has no issues with me, and was happy to refer me to the surgeon, which was such a relief to hear. Honestly, I felt quite apprehensive and anxious this morning (thanks menopause 🤨) and was definitely snappy with hubby. I went in on my own as I didn’t want him to know what my weight was/is - does anyone else keep their weight secret from their other half? I know it’s just shame that makes me not want to tell him 😕
The dietitian thinks a reasonable target post-surgery for me is around 14stones (196lbs) but reckons I will sail past that as I am fully onboard with it all. I’m glad that she hasn’t given me an unrealistic expectation and I do feel it’s fully achievable. We discussed lowest adult weight plus weights my body had ‘stuck’ at previously. She also went through the post-surgery diet - will be 6 weeks on the purée diet due to having a bypass, and gave me the info for that. She also explained about the bounce back once the body has reached its lowest weight and that it did not signal a failure.
Next steps: appointment with the surgeon, which should be September (eek, next month!!) After I’ve seen the surgeon it’s then the MDT weekly meeting for everyone to agree that I’m OK to go ahead. As long as they agree, I will get my surgery date which is looking to be either Jan or Feb next year. She’s put that I would like to see the surgeon ASAP and will take a cancellation for both his appointment and also for surgery as long as I have one day to get ready for the 3 week liver reduction diet. She warned me that I could be on the LRD over Christmas but I’ve said that it’s fine, I’m truly not bothered in the slightest. I asked about going away next September and she said everything will be done and settled down by then but not to buy holiday clothes until the last minute!
Just to wait for the next stage now. I’m certainly glad I lost some weight pre-appointment though as the weight the Dr gave and the weight I was actually was a 5kg difference, and not in my favour 😮 I’m still 7kgs lower than the wrong weight given and it’s the initial referral weight they go off so I could coast now if I wanted to (but I won’t )
A relief all round!

I've been told by my doctor that I'm behind the weight I should be losing. I should be done to 116kg (255 lbs) by now.
I really was starting to worry as the weight on the scale kept going up, but then I suddenly went down to 117kg. I had to stand on the scale twice because I couldn't believe the number. It was so easy the first couple of weeks of the pre-op diet and now it doesn't seem to be working as quickly.
I'm still doing what I need to, but it's not been easy. I've also been told by my doctor that after surgery, I won't be able to ride my bike for 6 weeks! This is more difficult than not being able to eat solid foods for weeks. My beautiful noble steed (her name is Angelique Iolanthe) will have to be in storage for 6 weeks.
7 more weeks until the surgery. I've been reading more articles and doing more research on the sleeve. I'm not sure if that easing the anxiety or adding to it.
Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories! It's one thing to do research and read medial information, but it's so much more reassuring to hear from people who have actually lived it. Even hearing the not so glamourous parts of life post-op.

I have no qualms about using a bariatric card or a coupon (heaven forbid) in a restaurant. Do you know that the markup value of a meal is 300% or more? Then you are expected to tip at 20% on that overpriced meal? That's so the owner doesn't have to pay the waitress salary. They are making a killing on us so we can enjoy the ambiance and 2T of food. Believe me they are not losing any money on kid's meals or senior prices.
And I could give a flip less who knows I had surgery. I was invisible to those strangers before. Now I guess they'll see me. 👀

I wasn’t given one, but would not use it, even if I was.
1) why broadcast how and why I eat the way I do to people who likely don’t really care.
2) just because u have a piece of paper saying u deserve a discount, doesn’t mean the establishment is going to. in the vein of what @The Greater Fool said above, if I was pregnant and “eating for two”, should I be offered a two-for-one meal?
3) leftovers are awesome.
…but I get how others would be ok with showing such a card. To each their own ❤️

There are comparable ones you can pull from the interwebs. It's pure nonsense in my opinion. Why should my choice to eat less, and let's face it this is exactly what surgery is, be a restaurant's problem? When we ate less with a normal diet, was that a reason to get a discount?
The other point is restaurants are unlikely to accept the card. It's something they are not a party to creating.
Personally, the thought of making my surgery an issue in a restaurant with strangers is something I would ever do. Again, it's my business.
I know not everyone agrees with me. It's OK, it's why Baskin's makes 31 flavors. But I believe we just need to work out following our plan without making it other peoples' problem. Somewhat like a recovering alcoholic not forcing everyone around them not to drink.
Besides, early on leftovers can be wonderous things. The right full price appetizer can cover days of meals. The right meal even longer.
Here I am 20+ years later and it's a long time since I bothered with leftovers. It's easier just to eat what my plan says and leave the rest. It's been this way since before I hit goal.
Good luck,
Tek

I mean, I guess fear of prison is ultimately what keeps me from actually slapping stupid people... but the way the world is going, something's bound to make me break eventually. Honestly, why is it so hard for people to just be supportive and kind to other people?

There are some specific Bariatric journals on Amazon - I don’t know if something like that would help in the beginning?

Cute stickers are ALWAYS necessary. For everything!

But this is such a great idea! I've been tracking food since I got approved for surgery, but I never thought of journaling.

You have worded this perfectly!! It is like you are in my brain 😂 It is such a difficult thing to feel, and people who haven't gone through this process won't fully understand it! So to explain it is even harder 😂 I wanted to tell my boyfriend about the compliment I got, but I knew I'd cry, and I didn't know how too explain that so I just left it haha.
It definitely won't change, and that is a horrible but true realisation. I am slowly realising it!

😂 My sister feels exactly the same now that she has a little man! And yeah I fully get that side of things - my boyfriend loved me at my heaviest weight, and he told me from the start that me losing weight won't change how he feels about me, because he always thought I was beautiful. They are nice sometimes
It's so strange isn't it - like I am used to just walking with my head down, but I try to keep my head up now to show I am confident, and some men try to catch my eye just to smile, and it is very weird.
Thank you!!

Omg i have gained and lost weight so many times in my life to include a really big chunk with the sleeve 3.5 years ago and I understand completely what you mean. It’s like I am still the SAME EXACT PERSON that I always have been on the inside!! It’s almost like when someone dies and you feel guilty enjoying something without them. I feel like if I fully accept a compliment I am letting my overweight self down somehow because they deserved all the same compliments but never got them. At the same time you feel guilty for not just accepting it because someone is trying to be nice after all.

But the male attention differential is almost too much. I realize over and over again just how invisible I am when I am overweight. Surprisingly women are actually this way too if you pay attention. And what’s worse is once you lose a lot of weight and start to look really hot, some Women start to treat you differently again. The women will find you a threat and the men will assume your a beyotch. I guess we have to look good but not too good to deserve respect and consideration in todays society. I have said it over and over again. Life is a fashion show. I honestly don’t think this will change in our lifetimes.

So my neighbor ( who is an older gentleman and a family friend) asked if I am used to all the gawking and getting stared at....I laughed and said nah I don't pay attention, plus with 2 small kiddos always with me no one wants to approach that. LOL My hubby has known him his entire life so I didn't take it creepy or weird- I know it was his way of complimenting me.
I hate that people are nicer to me, I get the door held open for me now, men let me cut in line at grocery stores, even with my kids now, like just because I was big I didn't deserve the same respect? Its a constant battle I have within myself.
But you are beautiful and honestly I am happy that you have people around you that are noticing that!

Just makes me feel sad for old me, who is still me, but not 😂 It is just a complicated feeling!

Exactly. And then my mind goes to "Oh, I KNOW why I didn't deserve the compliments when I was bigger. I wasn't THEIR idea of pretty or fashionable or sexy or anything THEY liked looking at". As if I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror.....

@SleeveToBypass2023 It is so hard isn't it
Like, you know that people are just trying to be nice and genuine, but part of you can't help but question why and ask why you didn't deserve the same compliments when you were bigger.
Such a battle mentally!!

I absolutely can relate to this, and I so wish I could hug you right now. When I was younger (all the way until I had my son at age 20) I was thin and athletic. That's all I knew, that's all anyone knew of me. As I started to gain weight, the looks and attention changed. And I wanted to disappear. I saw the stares and looks, heard the comments and whispers and laughs. I felt every jab, every comment, every insult. Then I lost all the weight and I look like I did in high school again (I mean, like LITERALLY I do...so weird) and things have reverted back to the way they use to be. And it really hurts because I have something to compare it to. Definitive proof that I "fit in" and I'm "accepted" when I'm thin and fit society's idea of what beautiful is. And it makes me angry and hurt and frankly, pissed off. I have a really hard time accepting compliments from ANYONE who knew me when I was originally thin, and fat, and now thin again. It just doesn't feel genuine.

okay now I definitely am crying 😭

Next time someone compliments you like that say to them "I always have been!" in a really cheery voice and smile like there's no tomorrow! Because HAVE always been 'annoyingly beautiful'!
I get the sadness part, the part of you that says, 'was I some hideous monster because I had a few extra pounds on my body?' The truth is - nope. You always were beautiful, inside and outside, it just took you feeling healthier for people to realize how closely your outside always matched your inside.
❤️

So today during a work meeting, one of my colleagues who I have known for many years turned and said to me, "you are annoyingly beautiful".
I was genuinely taken aback by this, and just laughed and jokingly told her to shut up 😂 but I wanted to just think about why this shocked me so much.
I always thought compliments like that were reserved for those people who were confident and effortlessly beautiful.
I really am not used to receiving compliments, or really even being perceived, and I think this is something that a lot of people who struggle with their weight feel at some point.
280lbs me just wanted to be small and unseen, and not looked at for the wrong reason (very superficial, I know). And now I am being seen, I think, in a different light.
It does feel weird. In most ways, it is really nice getting compliments like that, I feel really happy and it was genuinely sweet of her. In other ways, I feel a little bit of grief for the girl who I was a few short months ago, and how she didn't get told things like that.
Either way, I do feel really happy about being told that, and weirdly a little tearful if I am honest!
Anyway...happy Monday all! 😂