NeonRaven8919

I live in London and there's a lot of great things to do! You will definitely enjoy it!

Oh, and as for your mother's concerns. They are valid. The unfortunate fact is that the same mechanisms that help us lose the weight and reverse co-morbidities also restrict nutrients and our ability to get fluids in when we are sick. Sometimes that means we end up in the hospital for fluids or electrolytes. But with a more severe illness sometimes it can lead to low Protein levels or low Vitamin levels and the body struggles with that, this can happen with ANY of the surgeries, but is of course a little more common with the malabsorption surgeries. This can complicate an illness with an already complicated clinical presentation. I can see how if it got out of hand and wasn't properly treated, it could contribute to someone's death, but it would be secondary normally to their originating condition. However, what I would invite your mother to consider is how pre-existing co-morbidities like diabetes, high blood pressure, and such contribute to severe illnesses as well. If you don't have these now, you probably will in the next 10 years. Those things can kill you too and can make your health much more fragile when dealing with an extra illness, like cancer or severe pneumonia. The only thing I can think of that would be originating from the DS that could kill you is severe protein deficiencies that go untreated, severe vitamin deficiencies that go untreated, and the possibility of bowel obstructions. All three of these things can also happen with Gastric Bypass. They are by no means common with either surgery, but they are a risk to be aware of and watchful for...
My uncle was in his 40s when he had his first heart attack. It was also his last heart attack as it killed him. He had all the co-morbidities that I have. I thought long and hard about this before deciding on the surgery. I finally decided I'd rather trade a life of medications for a life of Vitamins 4-5 times a day. And a life of being able to move and run and hike, and travel, for a life spent on the couch. And if at the end of my life I get sick and things get unbalanced and that malabsorption does me in, it will still have been a life MUCH better lived than if I had passed up the surgery. And it would (hopefully) be spared the heart attacks, diabetic and high blood pressure complications, possible amputations, etc.. Not everyone would think this way, but I like to go into things with my eyes wide open and I always have to think about the worst before I can let myself dream about the best... I wish you luck in your decision! ❤️

You're fine. My surgeon didn't even have me do a pre-op diet. He was fine with me even eating normal food the night before,I just had to fast by midnight before the surgery. I legit had lobster risotto 13 hours pre-op. My surgery went fine and things have been going great post-surgery.

I wouldn't be surprised if you losing weight is absolutely terrifying to your ex. As long as you are obese, he can assure himself that you'll never find anyone better than he was, which seems to be important to a lot of people regardless of whether they ended the relationship or you did. It's a pride thing. But when you start losing weight, now you're probably happier with more energy, you might look more attractive, maybe dressing in nicer clothes, too... uh oh! Now he sees you were totally settling for his sorry butt and are likely to find someone way better, and then his ego will be bruised as all your friends and family tell you how lucky you are.
My ex, (who is legally not my ex yet, which is very annoying) is the sabotaging type, too. I see him 5 days a week when he picks up the kids for school or drops off from activities. I've had to tell him about the surgery as I'll need his help with the kids, and I am still on a family plan insurance so he'll need to know about deductibles and such, but I fully expect him to start panicking as the weight loss becomes noticeable. I can hardly wait to find out how he'll try to sabotage me.

Honestly this is the main reason I haven’t told my ex. Him and I interact daily and I just never said anything to him. He will bring up everything negative and it isn’t his business what I do since we aren’t together anymore. But he isn’t even supportive of me even losing weight.

I told him I was doing the slimfast diet thing and he has been trying to sabotage me ever since.

You don’t have to justify a damn thing.

That makes a lot of sense People have already tried to talk me out of it, as if there are other options that I haven't tried! I always like to remind them that I have been big for my entire adult life now, and if I continue, the chances of my obesity killing me are far greater than this surgical procedure. OR they say things like: "but won't you miss the food? " to which I state: 1) I'll be able to eat still, 2) food is what got me here in the first place, so no, I won't miss it haha.
Unfortunately us bigger people become punching bags for others who are fatphobic, even without realising it. We are often what they fear! I cannot wait for the day that I feel comfortable in my own skin, even if that skin is loose! I also can't wait for my asthma to be better haha!

I can count the number of people I've told on one hand. I'm self employed and a lot of my work where I actually see any colleagues is seasonal, revolving around the professional league of a widely popular summer sport in North American so I won't see any of them until mid-April, by which time I expect I'll have lost 80-100lbs since they saw me last in late summer (I had my surgery mid-September).
When, not if, they comment, I'm just going to tell them I lived at the gym all winter, and that will be the end of the conversation. Not because I won't talk about it more, but we're all guys and my explanation will be enough and the conversation will simply move on after a couple of, "Wow, good for you's".

i told exactly 5 (trusted) ppl for this very reason. still got a couple comments tho...but i digress.
i'd like to think that if someone said this to me, i'd just look em in the eye and agree with them. basically shuts them down cuz they don't need to defend their position. done.
*mic drop* lol

It sounds like maybe you would benefit from a stricter routine. At least, I know I tend to flounder when I am just let loose without many rules. If I have to figure out what to do every day and each day is different, I get totally off track with stuff. But when I get into a routine, it's way easier. I haven't gotten off track yet simply by virtue of not being able to eat very much right now, but I know that establishing habits and routines is the most important thing for me to do before I get to the point where I could.
Here are some suggestions, just in case they help!
Put your full week's worth of Vitamins in a weekly pill case (I use this one: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0C6XZN1YH). It's especially helpful if you get the kind where you can take the day's box with you for those later in the day doses like Calcium. Make the same thing for Breakfast and lunch every day, or have a rotation of things you can do that are all close to the same in Protein value. Plan a dozen dinners that are also roughly the same in protein. Add them up and make sure any breakfast, lunch, and dinner chosen from your repertoire will hit your protein goal. If not, plan for a snack or two in the same way. Don't eat things that are not nutrient dense, and if you do have a treat on occasion, make sure you're limiting yourself to once a month, not once a day! (And if you happen to love chocolate, consider this for one of your daily calcium supplements: https://procarenow.com/products/calcium-dark-chocolate-500mg-calcium-500-iu-vitamin-d) Consider getting something like the Portion Perfection plates and meal prep containers if you struggle with portion size Buy a bariatric cookbook to help with food choices and portions Put your gym or exercise time on your calendar and treat it like you would a doctor's appointment (I struggle with this so much) Or, if you hate the gym, choose exercises you'll actually look forward to. Going to a gym is not a requirement but moving your body is. Put all your reminders for vitamins, mealtime, snack time, and exercise time in your phone so you get reminders

I am about 4 months post op and for some reason I have gotten off track.. I don't know if it is because I am free to eat anything so I am pushing my limits with sweets, my gym time is getting less and less, I am forgetting my Vitamins. Things are getting out of control quickly... please tell me I am not the only one that this is happening too.. I honestly had no idea that this would be like a full time job keeping track of everything.. Tonight I get back control of this but man this is way harder then I thought it would be...

Yeah, there's a definite bias of information (unintentionally, of course) when you frequent bariatric spaces. I've been on this board almost a year, and I really enjoy it, but at five months post-op, one thing I've noticed is the vast majority of people who were posting regularly a year ago, or even 3-6 months ago, are not here any more. That's a lot of diverse experience that goes away, and I would guess that the people who remain are a combination of those who are the most dedicated (possibly to the extreme), those who get the most out of social interactions, and those who experience the most complications in their journeys, along with people who return after several years to get back on track because of significant regain or needing revisions.
The people who are hitting their goals easily, losing weight at an average pace, eating and exercising in a way that isn't particularly noteworthy, maintaining within a reasonable weight range, and generally living life without stressing about bariatric issues, quickly become underrepresented voices. So it's easy to start thinking that the average person struggles a lot at every stage, can barely eat or drink for months, exercises like they're training for the olympics, tracks every bite of food and never strays from their macros every day of their life, experiences all the most severe complications regularly, and will gain back all their weight plus some if they even dare to glance at a piece of bread or a dessert on someone else's plate let alone allow a bite to pass their lips.
It's easy to become very obsessive about it (raises hand: yes, that's me). And in a situation like after surgery where a lot of things change at once, sometimes it feels like the more you can control and anticipate, the better. At least it does for me. But my advice would be, especially when you are feeling particularly anxious about something, to think about whether there are perspectives you aren't getting that might reduce your anxieties if you were able to hear from them. Like, if there were 20-30 people who used to post in your surgery month group and now you're down to 4 or 5, what might those other people say if you asked them about the thing that is worrying you? My guess is, if they're not posting anymore, it's usually not because they're suffering in silence.

No I don't take measurements. I really wished I had started this at the beginning of my journey. I just love that I have an excuse to buy new clothes again. It has taken me a while to like clothes shopping because I was not used to having too much choice. Now I am hooked

Your weight loss is not over until it’s over. Losing for 18 months to 2 years isn’t that uncommon. Your weight loss will naturally slow as you’re able to eat more (this is supposed to happen) & you get closer to your final weight (your new set point) & closer to consuming the number of calories your body needs to function effectively. When it happens to you depends upon those things & some other factors.
I reached my goal at 6 months. Like @ms.sss, I too took a while to work out what my maintenance calories were & to be able to eat that much so also did not intentionally mean to lose more. I continued to lose for another 11 or so months. Definitely noticed slowing down at about 5 months (maybe a little before & it got slower & slower. I lost another 11kgs over those last 11 months & in the last of those months I was losing grams in a week and maybe half a kilo a month.
So I lost for about 18 months in total but it was obviously where my body wanted me to be (my new set point). I ate a bare 900 calories at 6 months. Got to around 1300 at 18 months. I eat about 1600 calories a day now yet I still weigh the same as I did when my weight stabilised at 18 months.

My next group session is in August too! Just curious if your hospital is UCLH?

I'm an NHS patient as well. I can fully understand needing hoops to jump through before spending public money. I think the thing for is I had to stop and think at each stage if it all was really worth it so each barrier gave me time to re-evaluate. My first group session, you could tell there were a lot of people who weren't suitable yet, because they wanted the "magic wand solution" and were disappointed this isn't it. And then about a third just wanted Ozempic because they thought it meant they didn't need to do any work. Every stage made me sure I am ready to put the work in now.

Good Luck with everything tomorrow!

The reason, I think, that average weight people feel they can say what they want to obese people is that being thinner gives them a false sense of superiority. If they believe we are fat because we are lazy and gluttonous, then it stands to reason they are virtuous because they are thin. Because they lost a whole 3lbs of extra weight that one time by skipping dessert for a few days, you should not eat a slice of birthday cake at the party today, even though they are telling you this while eating a slice of birthday cake. It's okay for them to eat it because they know a single slice of cake won't have much impact on their weight. But it's not okay for you, because it makes you fat, and you have no willpower if you want to eat some on a special occasion. Unlike them, because they totally have willpower, because they are thin. They're still eating the cake, but they wouldn't if they were like you, they're very certain of that, and that makes them feel very good about themselves. And yet they don't think through to the logical conclusion that if the cake is okay for them but not for you, maybe that means their body is different from yours, and that actually, it's a lot harder for you, that losing 3 lbs is not the same as losing 30 or 100, and you might require a different approach (and they should keep their mouth shut).
Also, given that she's your boyfriend's family, definitely follow Tek's advice on what to say instead of mine. But you can still think it loudly at her.

Haha! I love this comment. Honestly, if she weren't my boyfriend's family, I would have used all manners of vulgar language as a response!
I don't know why people just see fat people as easy targets, as if it is their right to inform them that 1) they are indeed fat, 2) they are lazy, but also 3) they should lose weight, but only in a socially acceptable way.

Makes my blood boil!

"We all have issues, some of which where will power alone can work. Then there are other, more complex issues where will power alone is simply inadequate. My long term obesity is one of these, so I've gotten help where my will power is rewarded with success. Another example would be people not being able to think before they speak. Too bad there is no surgery to help such people, poor dears."
Good luck,
Tek

I'd ask her is she's recently had a stroke or if she's just always been a rude cow (or another c word, if you'd rather). You do not have to justify yourself, explain your reasons, or educate anyone. What you choose to do for your own health is between you and your doctor. If she continues to make unwelcome comments about your personal business, feel free to tell her what you think of her poor taste in clothing, garish eye makeup, or whatever else you'd like to "helpfully" point out as being wrong with her, until she realizes it's no longer open season on fat people.

This is very much what I am wanting to do, but I wrongfully assumed I was in a safe space! But hey ho, not everyone will be understanding! It was just so abrupt!
It is very true that people who have not been considered 'obese' will not understand the why and the how. My brother who has always been a healthy size gave me a long lecture about how people need to just stop being lazy, and just do it rather than making excuses. If only it were that simple!

this is the main reason I didn't tell very many people about my surgery until I was several months post-op - and even then, it was usually just to other obese people who wondered how I lost so much weight (because all of us who've been there know that "diet and exercise" just isn't a permanent solution for most of us). Sorry you have to deal with her insensitive comment. People can be so rude!!

Me too, so comfortable and tight enough to hide my wobbly arms and legs

Ha ha! I STILL wear leggings and tops almost all the time - not because I'm fat, because I'm not any more - I just like them!

I also think that all the stages reiterate how serious this kind of surgery is too. It certainly isn’t for the faint hearted or those wanting the loss thinking this is the easy way.
My first group session sounds very similar to yours. The nurses said right at the very beginning that jabs like Ozempic or Wegovy were not available and you could see that some were disappointed. My next group session is in August so it will be interesting to hear from others at that session. We were given a lot of reading matter to familiarise ourselves with the whole process and encouraged to contact the Bariatric department if we had any questions or concerns, which I found reassuring.