AndreaJD

@NeonRaven8919, First of all, let me assure you that we all have head hunger. None of us got to a weight where we required weight loss surgery without overeating, and we all have our own demons. You are among others like yourself. It sucks, but it's not unbeatable. Here's what I have to say. I was in intensive outpatient eating disorders therapy for a few months, because I recognize that I am a compulsive overeater. That did nothing for the head hunger and portion control problems. For me, gastric bypass was the only solution because I need that brake on my overeating. And now, I have not had any sweets or high-sugar items since surgery because I know I could have dumping syndrome afterward, and nobody wants that. So that's another brake. For me, it's much easier to not eat something than to try to moderate. The reason for all of that is because I have a food addiction. I know this about myself because I also happen to be a recovering alcoholic, and the cravings are exactly the same. I did not get sober by myself. White-knuckling does not work for addiction. The compulsions are simply too strong. I could not have gotten sober by myself. And there was no reason to, because there is free help out there. Did I want to quit entirely? NO. But I couldn't go on like I was. And now I'm 32 years sober, after starting in a position where I couldn't go 24 hours without drinking. Why am I saying all this? Because your story sounds like mine. "Mindful eating" to control compulsion makes about as much sense as "mindful drinking" to control alcoholism (which is to say, none). So you may want to approach this problem like an addiction. I am not saying you are a food addict, only you can know whether that's true for you. What I'm saying is that you do not have to do this alone, and there's free help out there. @BigSue told you about some, and you will find TONS of support groups online in addition to the one she recommended. Take advantage of this free help, because white-knuckling is horrible and mostly doesn't work. Why? Because it's not about willpower. You did all the stuff to get your surgery, so we know you have willpower. If that worked against the kind of compulsion you're describing, it wouldn't be a problem. It doesn't. What does work is support groups. That's because they're full of people like us, who have to fight to change our relationship to food. If you do happen to think you might be a food addict, check out Overeaters Anonymous. There are groups everywhere and it's free. You don't have to commit to anything and there's no test or anything to attend. You can just listen or ask questions or whatever. I absolutely guarantee that if you told your story about the food at work to an OA meeting, every single head would nod. Everyone will know exactly what you're talking about because they've been there. Please don't give up on yourself, you're on a journey. People slip up. We get to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off, and keep on going forward. You did a brilliant, extremely courageous thing in sharing your challenge here, and see how much support and help you got? You can do this. You CAN do this. We all need a little help from our friends.

@JustarwaxxUGH!!! Now that's some good motivation for me to stick to measuring and staying within my plan! I had never heard of "foamies" until today. Yuck. I would like to have a better grasp on my body's fullness cues with my new designer GI tract, but hopefully they'll be more subtle. Hope you're feeling better.

Oh, @draikaina8503, I'm so sorry to hear that! Sending all the healing your way and hoping you feel all the way better very soon. If you have the option, you might want to check in with your medical team and ask if they have any suggestions in terms of vitamins, zinc, etc. to help boost your immune system while you fight the germs. Hang in there and be good to yourself!

@Justarwaxx, I echo what @ShoppGirl said. Before surgery, I listened carefully to every horror story people wanted to tell me, to make sure I was making the right choice. I even sought out stories online, because I wanted to consider all the angles. Now, however, I listen to my medical team for instructions and to you all for advice on how to make them happen. The thing is, everyone has an opinion on WLS. Everyone "knows someone who had it and... [insert experience here]." But you don't have to listen. I can drink quite a lot fairly quickly, too. I talked to the PA about it and she said that's normal and fine, as long as you're getting enough fluids. She said I may have more trouble as time goes on, because scar tissue hasn't formed yet. So I am choosing to be grateful that I am able to get my fluids in easily. I work from home and I'm kind of a homebody anyway, so I haven't talked to many people about my surgery. I haven't had many people tell me what they think I should do, but when I do, I listen politely and change the subject. You are absolutely right! Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Let yourself be happy you're drinking easily, and give yourself ALL the kudos for being on this journey. It sounds to me like you're doing perfectly. And thank you for suggesting hiding the scale. I weigh every morning and get excited to see if I've dropped, but that's a mistake and I know it. I'm going to hide my scale, too, and weigh once a week.

Hi, @ShoppGirl, I've frozen soups and ground meats in sauce in 3 oz glass containers, and it's working really well. I am not a cook, don't like to, and I often procrastinate so in the past I've ended up having fast food or ordering out. It's one of the main reasons I got so big. So those little grab n' go containers in the freezer are a lifesaver! And I'm finding that soups and ground meats freeze great, so I think your frozen chili and meatballs will be perfect. I'm planning to freeze some of the italian vegetable soup hubby's making from scratch, too.

@RRenaeL23, I can hardly believe what a badass you are! (And I mean that in a "wow you're awesome" way.) Walking 2 miles already? That is really great and I am so happy for you. Keep up the great work! I also need to start working on my muscles - for me it's core, arms, and legs (well, now that I think about it, that's pretty much everything, right?). @Greekmom4, I have never heard of the foamies, but I certainly don't want it! Hope that doesn't come back for you. Today I had a NSV because I'm wearing a fitted sweatshirt that I love but haven't work for a long time because it was tight across my middle. Not anymore: now it's just right. My middle is still far too thick, but at least the sweatshirt doesn't showcase it, LOL. I am starting to see little indications of weight loss; just flashes, but they're there. I don't know what my body dysmorphia will do going forward. When I've lost weight before, I've just felt like everyone else looked bigger to me, I didn't look smaller. But I currently don't recognize myself in pictures because in the mirror, my mind tells me I'm not as big as I really am. (I learned at Jenny Craig that's why we should take pictures, because your mind can't bend them.) On paper, I've now lost 36 pounds from my highest pre-surgery, but I certainly don't see that much weight loss (I'm only 5 feet tall, so that's a lot on my frame). I guess that's a function of how much I have yet to lose, but also they say I'll be the last one to see it. I'm now to the regular diet phase, although there is a lot I haven't tried yet. Ground beef and turkey seem to be fine, but I tried some pork chop which was a big mistake. I think I may get much more of my protein from plant sources (beans, etc.) going forward, which is fine with me. Today we got a whole bunch of groceries to make a list of recipes I'm going to try (hubby is the cook at our house). My sister's vegetarian and sent them to me, so they're all veggie. I'm slowly learning to branch out. Since I am eating 1/2 cup at a time, I've been just having protein, but I started craving veggies and fruit. I saw something that talked about having "a few bites" of things, so I'm incorporating that. I can have up to 3/4 cup now, so I have a bit of room to add some veggies and a little fruit. TMI ALERT: I am eating more beans than I ever have, so maybe that's it, but is anyone else producing a surprising amount of gas? I thought giving up carbonation (which was a massive sacrifice for this former Diet Coke addict) would mean a lessening, but DANG.

Hi, everyone, I've just caught up on posts after being away from the site for a bit. I would love to comment on everyone's posts because we're all going through such similar things. I'm really proud of us for the changes we're making. @ShoppGirl, I think you are correct about the treadmill being narrow and having to balance on it. I was shocked to find that walking on a treadmill is very different from walking on the street, but it definitely is. I have a treadmill that I walk on during meetings at work (I work from home) and that's a lot easier for me than walking on the street. But I had to set it under a stand-up desk because trying to balance on the narrow thing would be a full-time job and I couldn't pay attention in my meetings. (Also I'd probably fall off of it a lot.) My first week back to work was exhausting. I was just fried at the end of each day, even though I work from home. My hubby had his prostate out on Friday. He was able to come home the same day, which we were not expecting but it was a very nice surprise. I'm plenty recovered enough from my surgery to do stuff for him, so we're doing well. But it's obvious to me that I'm still recovering, because I get tired much more easily than pre-op. I'm proud of myself because I planned and brought protein drinks to make sure I got nutrition throughout the day. All day, I had been aware of the hospital cafeteria, which is close to the surgical waiting room, but I knew that I was not going to go in because I had no reason to. Back in the day, I would have had the perfect excuse to go nuts in there while I waited for hubby's surgery to be done! Then, since I got to take my husband home, I ended up being at the hospital later than I expected, so I had to find something to eat and ended up having to go there. So I had my first experience of eating somewhere other than home. I was able to find appropriate protein in the right amount, and that's all I had. I had my first post op visit with the PA, who told me not to worry about the fact that I don't have fullness cues. She said by 3 months it may get harder to get things down, because scar tissue hasn't formed yet, and also by 3 months, I'll have developed a much better sense of what's going on in my body. Surprisingly, she said that if I'm doing pureed easily, I could move to soft. So that was a great surprise and I'm enjoying the soft stage. I can eat more of a variety of things. It's going fine, which still bothers me because I wish I had more sense of restriction. I worry that I'm going to return to old bad habits! So I'm being careful to measure, and I tell my Baritastic app everything I'm eating! The thing I'm currently struggling with is that eating only 1/2 cup at a time, I've been eating only one thing and focusing on protein. I'm finding myself craving things like fruit and vegetables. So I had a couple florets of broccoli tonight which was great. I read a sample diet for the soft stage that had entries like, "2 bites of _______". I am going to focus on eating more fresh things, now that I understand I can just have a bit less of whatever my protein is and "2 bites" of something fresh. I'm also struggling with getting all the vitamins in, since I have to separate the calcium from the iron from the multivitamins. There are only so many hours in the day! I know others have mentioned this, so at least we're all in the same boat, and we'll figure it out. I am losing maybe half a pound a day. I know that's a lot, and I had a couple of non-scale victories the other day. I had to go in to the office for a meeting, and I put on a dress that had been too tight to wear. It fit perfectly! And the sandals I wore zip up the back. They'd been hard to zip because of my fat ankles, but now they are even a little bit loose! On paper, I've lost 30 pounds from my heaviest, but it doesn't feel or look that way to me. I'm only 5 feet, so that much weight should be quite obvious, but it isn't. That bugs me some, but I know I'm just beginning and I WILL be able to see the difference when I lose more. I'm happy that I can move around and get some exercise. I thought I'd be just weak from taking in so few calories, but I'm not. Occasionally, I'll get a little lightheaded, but it's not bad at all. I was able to do my pre-op treadmill routine (3 30-minute walks daily at 2.0 MPH, which means 3 treadmill miles a day) although I did have one day when I got a little lightheaded and had to turn down the speed just a bit. Today was the first time that I actually felt "hungry" since surgery. But it was mixed in with a desire to eat out of boredom as well as some head hunger, so I'm not quite sure what the deal was, exactly. I am trying to just pay attention to that stuff and ask myself questions about how I'm feeling, without any intention of acting on it. I think I will do better if I start eating more of a "meal" type diet with mostly protein but a little of things like vegetables and fruits, so that I have some variety and am getting in some varied nutrients from food, not just my vitamins. And yes, I STILL have a little of the sticky stuff from the hospital on my skin! What is that about?

Yes, @ShoppGirl, I had a similar experience with Miralax. I was at home, so no emergency, but I learned that lesson. My team didn't recommend stool softeners but I think I'm going to start one because this full liquids with protein powder is quite constipating. Monday I start pureed, and I am more than ready. I blendered some lentil soup with protein powder and extra water for dinner, and while it tasted good and satisfied my craving for something kind of hearty, it became this kind of brownish thin sludge and I was like, "This is what I eat now?" I know it's only day 11 and I'm still on liquids. I just want to be sure I don't give up the joy of good food. I'm not a cook at ALL but my husband and I decided we are on a mission to become foodies of healthy, clean, whole foods. Thank God my incisions are done itching. That was terrible. I mean, not a crisis in the grand scheme of things, but it was annoying. They're just about to the stage where I can start taking bubble baths again. I LOVE bubble baths and take a lot of them. That'll be really nice. I really feel everyone on trying to get it all right and balance things to get enough protein and keep the sugar and carbs low, and keep the quantities right. I'm still struggling with having zero feeling of fullness. I definitely do not feel hungry, which is crazy on less than 500 calories a day (I'm supposed to aim for 300 - 600 with no more than 1000). That's a total blessing and I hope I never get hunger back. That would help so much long term. But I do hope that once I advance my diet I will have fullness cues. I measure, so I guess I don't 'need' them, but I would be less afraid of overeating. Every once in a while, I have these sort of "mind echoes" of, "Oh, I want [insert high calorie comfort food here]". It's fleeting and it's not physical, it's totally a mind want, but it's interesting. I kind of shrug and say, "I don't do that anymore." I'm having an interesting thing happen with my one sister who was very against my having surgery but was being as supportive as she could of my decision. She's now sending me things like a mug warmer for my soups and an immersion blender, and links to Pinterest recipes for amazing soups. It's really cool. I am appreciating it a lot. I hope you all have supportive people around you. What is everyone doing regarding weighing? I kind of intend to weigh myself each morning when I get up, which will be more structured when I go back to work on Monday, but then I also don't want to get fixated on the scale and then get discouraged when I plateau, which I know will happen. On the third hand (LOL), it's exciting and reinforcing when I'm making these hard changes to see the scale move. I got a pill organizer and filled it with all my vitamins that I have to take starting Monday for the rest of my life. It's a LOT! I have to take pills 4X a day. Luckily, I haven't hated any of the bariatric chews and melts so far. And like @shoppgirl, I love the Bariatric Advantage calcium chews. They're basically Starburst candy!

Hi, Bari Buddies, I am 6 days post op and doing really well. I have had no nausea at all, and pain is very manageable. I am able to drink all the water I need to and the full liquids (I'm on them until day 14) are going great. And that's the thing. I double-checked my information from the clinic and I am supposed to be having up to a half-cup at a time 5 times a day. I have been having too much (horribly worried to find I'm already overeating right after my gastric bypass). Like this morning I had a half-cup of apple sauce with protein powder and a protein drink. I now realize those should've been 2 different meals. I do get some extra tenderness in my upper abdomen when I "eat", which I assume is my new stomach being sore from the surgery, but is that what full feels like now? God knows I don't want nausea or more pain, but I need my body to give me a sign as to what's going on in there! Any words of wisdom?

After an unfortunate experience with banana yogurt (I put some skim milk in it and put it in the bullet blender), I have had some nice successes with my full liquid stage, which lasts 2 weeks. The berry Oikos Pro yogurt thinned with skim milk is great, Jello pudding is really good, Progresso Tomato soups are amazing, and Progresso chicken noodle soup blended smooth is probably the best thing I've had since surgery. I put protein powder in everything - still working to get the amount of protein powder right. Took a Tylenol, and that's the only pain med today. My guts feel kind of "loose", if you know what I mean - like they're jostling around in there, but it's not bad. Those who have yet to have your surgery, hope it goes as well for you, too!

@draikaina8503 and @Pepper_No_Salt, I wish you both the smoothest, easiest surgery experience tomorrow! I got maybe 2 hours of sleep the night before _ way too much on my mind. But your job tomorrow is basically to sleep, so try not to sweat it.

Yessssssss way to go, @Dchonlee!!!! I'm so happy for you! Today is post op day 2 for me so I'm loving seeing your success.

So here's my concern. I am able to drink and have Jello and popsicles just fine. I'm taking it easy because I don't want to overdo it, but shouldn't I be having a harder time getting it down? I bet all of you have the same history as me, diet after diet that didn't work or only worked for a while until eventually the weight came back and brought all its friends so I weighed even more. So I'm feeling concerned that maybe the surgery didn't work. I know that's not true, but... Is anyone else not having a problem getting liquids down? I guess I need y'all to talk me off the ledge a little here.

Yay, @Singingbarista! I was just reading through the new messages before sending a post to check on you, my MultiCare twin! So glad to hear you're home and doing well. Yeah, those naps are great.

@draikaina8503 and @Hiddenroses, its so cool that you're writers! I have been writing Captain America \ Avengers fan fiction (IDK why but that feels like such an embarrassing secret) for a few years now. I did write a novel the year I did NaNoWriMo, which I intend to do some serious editing and enhancing on some time. (Not fan fiction.) The fan fic is kind of a writing exercise. I'm toward the end of a kind of epic story and when its done I'm going to return to original work and stop the fan fic. But its been fun. Hopefully, Ill get some serious work done on it while I'm recovering.

@ShoppGirl, do you have a recipe or could you give us some ballpark amounts and baking instructions? Because that ricotta bake sounds AMAZING.

@Averdra, hi! I'm sorry you got Covid, that stuff is awful, especially the coughing. I agree with @ShoppGirl, coughing with this sore belly would be horrible. Sending you good luck that you'll get to use those tickets!

Hi, August buddies! I'm so sorry for those going through delays. That would suck and I would be so mad! After all.we go through to get here! More pain today as expected due to the nerve blocks wearing off, but I just move slowly and take my meds as needed. Had just the hint of nausea so I took a Zofran and its gone now. @ShoppGirl, I had some good toots, too, and I'm fairly sure all the gas is out now. That gas pain is no joke! @Singingbarista, I hope you get to go home today and had as good a hospital experience as I did.

OK so delayed because my potassium was low but now it's fixed. A few hours behind schedule, but we're a go! See you on the other side!

Well, all dressed up and nowhere to go. My potassium is too lowlight now, so they're giving me some and hopefully we can still go today. Ugh. Just hanging in.

Sorry about your pain, @ShoppGirl. I'm thrilled for you that you had a few life-changing, uh... toots. That must have been such a relief! Hope you just keep getting better and better.

Hi, @Justarwaxx! I'll be only 2 days ahead of you, so we'll be going through this together. I'm nervous and excited, too. Looking forward to being all recovered and starting my new, active lifestyle. Looking forward to not constantly thinking about what I can wear to try to disguise my weight and what people are thinking. I will miss food as a coping and comfort mechanism, but my husband and I are slowly learning how to cook healthy, unprocessed meals. I'm looking at it as an adventure of discovery - what new foods, spices, and ways to prepare them can I discover? I know the next couple weeks will be rough, and the next 3 months will be a marathon slog. I'm ready to tough it out - eyes on the prize!

Hi, @Farhad! Congrats on having your surgery. I definitely hear you on the food. I'm on my liver-shrink diet still and I cannot wait for some salad with low-fat dressing rather than balsamic vinegar or lemon juice and cider vinegar. (After my protein, of course...) The other thing I've been missing is fruit. I know I have a long way to go before I will be eating salad or fruit, but those are the two things I've been missing. My surgery is tomorrow! Eek! 24 hours from now I'll be back in my room afterward.

@Singingbarista, yes!!! I'm getting mine at Allenmore with Dr. Sebesta. That's awesome. I have really felt like the clinic has their program together. And I met Dr. Blair when Dr. Sebesta was out with shoulder surgery. Dr. Blair is an absolute doll. Maybe we'll meet at one of their support groups or something.

So tomorrow is my last day before surgery on Monday at 7:15 in the morning. I am not feeling particularly anxious, but I am. I'm picking at my cuticles and I have a burst blood vessel in one eye, which my sister (a doctor) says can be caused by stress. How about that, stress makes your eyeballs bleed! Also, when I went to the hairdresser the other day, I tried to lock the door of my car and it beeped because my keys were still in the ignition (thank God it does that or I'd have locked myself out several times). So I went to pull the key out and realized the engine was still running! That's a total stress move, and something I've never done. So did anyone else find that the liver shrink diet was horribly constipating? Good grief! Glad that's over (clear liquids now till surgery). My husband and I cleaned the hell out of our house today. He's having prostate surgery on the 21st, so neither of us are going to be up for cleaning for a while. I also organized my meds. I'm glad I did, because I realized that I didn't get the Protonix I am supposed to take. They apparently didn't call it in. Not a big deal, but because it's Saturday, I'm going to have to ask my surgeon to order it at the hospital and have my husband pick it up. Just now, I ordered a big supply of clear liquids for when I get home. I keep asking myself, "Are you SURE? This is permanent, you will never be able to blah blah blah again." But then I think it through and the math always comes up yes.