jparadigm

I can't express how much I truly appreciate the honest and careful feedback from all of you...
I DO want to change, and I know exactly what I'm doing to myself.
NICKELCHIP you are an angel and reading your response touched my soul...leaving me pretty speechless at the moment.
I do feel very alone in my journey and It's ok, but sometimes it would be nice having someone in my life who can understand the depth of my journey and what it really means to be a supportive person. I'm not asking or expecting of it, and I'm very grateful to have come across a lot of genuine and kind people on this website. Having some reassurance and affirmation DOES go a long way though.
I think therapy and speaking with my team is my best option at this point. Group therapy will help with accountability and having people around who understand. It's just the act of actually doing it. LOL
As NickelChip said in her response about being comfortable in failure...I felt that. Seems when I do something good for myself, I give up on continuing it. Or sabotage it completely.

Thank you ALL again SO much ❤️

I can't express how much I truly appreciate the honest and careful feedback from all of you...
I DO want to change, and I know exactly what I'm doing to myself.
NICKELCHIP you are an angel and reading your response touched my soul...leaving me pretty speechless at the moment.
I do feel very alone in my journey and It's ok, but sometimes it would be nice having someone in my life who can understand the depth of my journey and what it really means to be a supportive person. I'm not asking or expecting of it, and I'm very grateful to have come across a lot of genuine and kind people on this website. Having some reassurance and affirmation DOES go a long way though.
I think therapy and speaking with my team is my best option at this point. Group therapy will help with accountability and having people around who understand. It's just the act of actually doing it. LOL
As NickelChip said in her response about being comfortable in failure...I felt that. Seems when I do something good for myself, I give up on continuing it. Or sabotage it completely.

Thank you ALL again SO much ❤️

I can't express how much I truly appreciate the honest and careful feedback from all of you...
I DO want to change, and I know exactly what I'm doing to myself.
NICKELCHIP you are an angel and reading your response touched my soul...leaving me pretty speechless at the moment.
I do feel very alone in my journey and It's ok, but sometimes it would be nice having someone in my life who can understand the depth of my journey and what it really means to be a supportive person. I'm not asking or expecting of it, and I'm very grateful to have come across a lot of genuine and kind people on this website. Having some reassurance and affirmation DOES go a long way though.
I think therapy and speaking with my team is my best option at this point. Group therapy will help with accountability and having people around who understand. It's just the act of actually doing it. LOL
As NickelChip said in her response about being comfortable in failure...I felt that. Seems when I do something good for myself, I give up on continuing it. Or sabotage it completely.

Thank you ALL again SO much ❤️

I can't express how much I truly appreciate the honest and careful feedback from all of you...
I DO want to change, and I know exactly what I'm doing to myself.
NICKELCHIP you are an angel and reading your response touched my soul...leaving me pretty speechless at the moment.
I do feel very alone in my journey and It's ok, but sometimes it would be nice having someone in my life who can understand the depth of my journey and what it really means to be a supportive person. I'm not asking or expecting of it, and I'm very grateful to have come across a lot of genuine and kind people on this website. Having some reassurance and affirmation DOES go a long way though.
I think therapy and speaking with my team is my best option at this point. Group therapy will help with accountability and having people around who understand. It's just the act of actually doing it. LOL
As NickelChip said in her response about being comfortable in failure...I felt that. Seems when I do something good for myself, I give up on continuing it. Or sabotage it completely.

Thank you ALL again SO much ❤️

Not to beat a dead horse, but as others have said, consider therapy. Look for one on your own (or see if your program has one / can refer you to one) who specifically deals with eating disorders.

I haven't done had this experience Post-Op, but I've fully been there before during diets I've attempted in the past. For me, there were so many things at play: ongoing depression, feelings of low self-worth were helping me further sabotage myself. I punished myself with food, even while logically knowing better, because it was what I was used to. I hid myself behind my weight, because it became my norm and was easier than dealing with a lot of the trauma and mental health issues lurking in the shadows.
It's so, so hard to break these cycles all on our own. Having someone to talk to about it -- a friend, a counselor, support from your program, or us here on the forum can make a world of difference.

I'm right at 5 months, and over the past few weeks, it has become HARD. In the beginning, I was dropping weight, had zero interest in food, and was totally motivated. But since the beginning of July, I've lost a pound. Actually, I've lost and gained and lost and gained that one pound multiple times. I've started feeling hungry sometimes again, and that's triggering all sorts of bad behaviors like getting up when I'm trying to avoid work (I work from home) and looking in the cupboard for a snack, not to mention craving sweets. It's been a constant fight. Not getting that reward of watching the scale dropping all the time kind of saps the motivation, I think. And the novelty wears off and you start to realize that you're in this for the long haul and maybe you start to rebel a little. You're not alone.
You say you're afraid of being judged, but you are judging yourself every time you do things you know you shouldn't do. You said it yourself. You're disgusted by what you're doing, but there's a reason you're doing it, and figuring that out is going to be the key to stopping it and changing.
I feel like there is probably a voice you hear in the back of your head telling you that you can't do this. Maybe there's literally someone saying it to you in your life, but most likely it's a voice in your head from a long time ago, one that sounds like you but probably was someone else when you first heard it. For me, it's my grandmother, and to some extent my dad. Never happy, never praising. Expecting perfection and scolding "for your own good" over every little thing. Ridiculing my weight despite being overweight themselves, but also overfeeding me because that's what they knew. Food was the enemy, but also a reward from emotionally stunted caregivers who had no other way to show affection.
When you can never fully meet expectations at a young age, you learn quickly that you will always fail. That may be the role you've played in your family. Maybe it's everything, or maybe just one thing, like being overweight. And when you start to succeed, it feels frightening because it challenges everything you have been taught to believe about yourself. If you're not "the fat friend", who are you? Or maybe being "the fat daughter" kept a jealous family member happy because you weren't "competition" that way. There are so many reasons we get into these patterns. But the point is, the patterns feel normal and safe. So you make sure you don't succeed and change too much or for too long. You're used to being disappointing to yourself. You can live with that. But admitting you're capable of succeeding and changing is really scary. Allowing yourself to challenge the roles other people want you to fulfill is the hardest thing you can do. At least that's my experience.
As for how to change, my first suggestion is talk to your team. That's why they're there, and they know what's going on because they've seen it before. Face it head on. Nothing they say is going to be any worse than what you are saying, and doing, to yourself. If you can get set up with a therapist, even better.
Second, get every source of temptation out of the house. The alcohol. The junk food. Whatever is making you stumble, get rid of it. Do your shopping online from now on, or curbside pickup because it is way easier not to give into temptation that way. You can't binge on what you don't have.
But skip the gym. It's really only about 10% of your success, anyway. Focus on Water, Protein, and Vitamins. You don't need the false guilt of the gym to make everything worse.
And third, get help from people you trust who are close to you if you can. Accountability is key. If going out to eat is an issue, tell your friends or family that you need their help not letting you go out to eat. Explain why you can't be around Snacks, or why you won't be ordering alcohol, and ask for their help. If you trust even one person in your life to tell what is really going on, tell them. You need another voice cheering you on instead of just your own head bringing you down.
Bottom line, something about what you are doing right now feels comfortable to you. It's a pattern that you can live with, even if you hate it. Something about what you were doing when you were following the rules was making you uncomfortable. Figure out what and why. You can't change your habits until you change that voice in your head, and until you can love yourself and cheer yourself on instead of being your own worst judge. But you have to believe you're worth it and be willing to do things that scare you in order to get past this fog and get to where you want to be.

Yes, please don’t be embarrassed to talk to your team. They understand onesity is complex. When I finally went back to my team I weighed more than when i started out before my sleeve and they did nothing but want to help me figure out a plan. For me the only option really was revision but you get to avoid that if you make the steps now. I know you can do this. Just take ONE step today. Even if it’s just setting a reminder to call the Dr. tomorrow.

Could you find the motivation to even start with a few small steps, like finding a way to get your Protein up even by way of including it in Water and that way two steps covered in one? Your body needs the protein and if you are not getting enough it could be contributing to your mood/fog.
So what if you haven't gone to the gym, I don't go, but I have made an effort to find a couple of fitness things I like to do. I know I could do more but hey I am doing more than I did pre-op so its a win win as far as I am concerned. I am not going to put unrealistic pressure on myself as I know I will fail, maybe that is the same for you?
For the alcohol you don't say how much or often you have a drink but if you can't go cold turkey could you even cut back or opt for a lighter drink? I have a drink (or three) when out with friends, its not the end of the world but I am realistic that it will probably impact the weight loss for a few days and I restrict myself to only when out, certainly not at home as that is a bad habit that I am trying to make sure I don't bring back.
Could you start writing a daily positivity list/journal of all the positives you are finding from the loss you have had so far? I started to do it to help me with the PTSD I am suffering from my surgery, I note just random things such as;
was able to jog to catch bus and not be mortified / was able to get through turnstile without turning sideways / so and so told me I was looking great / sun is shining and I feel energised / had to tighten jeans belt again
Small steps could help you out of the funk and get you on track as there was a reason you would have had the surgery and you don't want to get back there. It takes work but you have already made good progress but it will get harder to loose the lbs and you could end up with other health problems if you continue as you are. Does your doctor have a support team that you can reach out to? I think an honest conversation with them is needed and will help you, they can hopefully provide tools to get you in the mindset needed to continue. Don't feel ashamed to talk to them as I am sure you are not the only one how feels like you do.

Do you think you are depressed ? To me you sound like it. You are sabotaging yourself. Do you believe that you don't deserve to be thin ?
My counsellor told me once - Do one thing every day that makes you feel better about yourself. So change something and be proud that you did. Little steps.
Drink your allotted Water, your whole body and mind will thank you.
If you want to chat privately, message me. You deserve this. You have reached out that's the main thing

@SleeveToBypass2023 pretty much covered what you need to change so I won’t repeat that. I will add though that I got to a simlar point a little later than you when I was discouraged I didn’t reach the goal I secretly had in my mind for myself. I had stopped losing and stalled about 18 pounds shy of it for about three months then I started letting bad habits slip in and I started to gain and honestly I never stopped gaining. 3.5 years later here I am pending revision. I was also embarrassed to see my dr or even post on here and that only made things worse. I could’ve nipped it on the budd before I got to this point like you still can. Go back to your team and explain your struggles. See what they have to offer you to help get you back on track. Maybe even talk to a therapist to try to work out why you feel this way. It sounds like you really have only been off track for a little bit and you’re still early enough out that it’s not too late to turn this around. You just have to start taking steps.

The first step is to admit it, which you're doing. We all get in moods where we slip. The trick is to catch it, admit it, and start to correct it. You can still fix this, but you say you're not wanting to. So are you just wanting to vent about what you're doing to yourself or do you want to actually start fix it?
If you want to vent...ok. But there's not much we can say or offer you if you truly don't want to start over and correct it. If you want to correct it, then we have something to work with. You know the rules, you know the diet, you know what you can and can't eat, drink, and do. You know you need to focus on Protein, lower carbs, get in veggies and healthy fats, get in your fluids, cut out alcohol right now, cut way down or even out (for now) salt and sugar. Move your body more. Swim, walk, ride a bike, work out, do things that increase your movement more than you normally do every day. Cut way down (or out for now) soda. Start over and get yourself back on track and ease yourself back into things.
You're only 4 months out from surgery, so you're still in the sweet spot of losing weight. So you can still turn this around and get back to dropping weight. If that's what you want to do. Again, if you just want to vent about it but not actually change it, there's not much else I can contribute. You've lost 41 pounds, and that's fantastic over 4 months. Remember your "why" for doing the surgery to begin with. Remind yourself what this meant to you and get back to that and really decide for yourself if that "why" still applies to you.

I believe in my heart I may be the only one doing this to myself...or even able to muster up the courage to talk publicly about it.
I'm not getting my Protein in.
I'm not getting my Water in.
I haven't been taking my Vitamins.
I haven't been to the gym in over 2 weeks.
I eat what I want, to the point of making myself puke with intolerable food.
I gave up. I drink alcohol. I'm lazy.

NO i'm not looking for pity, i'm genuinely curious to know if anyone else is or has been in my shoes..
I'm almost 5 months post-op, down 40+ pounds. Losing 1-2lbs per week SOMEHOW.

If you've been here, how did you get out of this fog? I'm petrified to address this with my doctor in fear of being judged. I'm in the closet with all this. Scared/anxious i'll just regain my weight over the next year. I feel im in concrete and have ABSOLUTELY NO motivation to change habits very disappointed in myself. Disgusted really.
Recently went to a gathering and seen myself in pictures and I am way bigger than i thought i was. im just all over the crazy table!

I believe in my heart I may be the only one doing this to myself...or even able to muster up the courage to talk publicly about it.
I'm not getting my Protein in.
I'm not getting my Water in.
I haven't been taking my Vitamins.
I haven't been to the gym in over 2 weeks.
I eat what I want, to the point of making myself puke with intolerable food.
I gave up. I drink alcohol. I'm lazy.

NO i'm not looking for pity, i'm genuinely curious to know if anyone else is or has been in my shoes..
I'm almost 5 months post-op, down 40+ pounds. Losing 1-2lbs per week SOMEHOW.

If you've been here, how did you get out of this fog? I'm petrified to address this with my doctor in fear of being judged. I'm in the closet with all this. Scared/anxious i'll just regain my weight over the next year. I feel im in concrete and have ABSOLUTELY NO motivation to change habits very disappointed in myself. Disgusted really.
Recently went to a gathering and seen myself in pictures and I am way bigger than i thought i was. im just all over the crazy table!

i know several people who are on or HAVE been on Ozempic (including me**)...all of them lost weight in varying degrees...all with different starting weights. but they all did lose weight and it was noticable (to me).
from what i can observe, the ones who stopped taking it gained the weight they lost back eventually. the ones who are still on it seem to maintain the weight loss.
**i tried ozempic last year for fun/testing as my mom is prescribed it for diabetes and she had some surplus. I used it for a month at the lowest dose, and by the end of it i lost almost 8 lbs (and my starting weight was like 120 so that was actually quite a lot for my size). i stopped taking it because really, i didn't need it and just wanted to see what the fuss was about anyway. within a 2-3 months i gained back 5-6 lbs of the inital loss. so end net result was minimal (for me).
in summary:
- it works, but it seems you have to keep taking it indefinitely for long term maintenance.
- it is expensive, so keep that im mind.
- im my experience (and the general consensus of those i know who take it), part of its charm/workablitiy is because you basically don't want to eat when you are on it. so when you get off it, you want to eat again.
- if you have the means and desire and accesss you could try it and see for yourself...the initial weight loss may even be a mental boost to inspire you do more on your own?
good luck!

I'm currently 7 weeks post op today and I'm feeling better. I can eat again, but that's like all I want to do. Is anyone else having hunger issues? I have been struggling to get my Protein in every day. Some days I don't want to even eat hardly because I don't know if my stomach will agree. BUT im so hungry all the time. Like before surgery...and it's so disheartening.

This is exactly how I feel almost word for word. I'm now 3 weeks post op and just feel... Uninspired, wanting to be in bed, upset that I'm not having as much success as others... I cheated also knowing I shouldn't even though was small.

Did it get any better for you?

HI All!
I had gastric sleeve surgery on 12/6/23. As of March 7th, I am 45lbs down. I stopped weighing myself after this date, though, bc I was becoming OBSESSED with the scale and would fall into a deep sadness each day I didn't lose at least a pound. So, I decided to put it away and focus on my feelings and habits.
Anyway, lately, I've noticed I can eat much more than I was. I watched a YouTube video about a doctor explaining that after month 3, patients tend to notice they can eat more. He mentioned that it usually freaks them out at first because not being able to eat a lot at all was the major tool in helping the weight loss, but to not be alarmed because it's normal and to focus on healthy foods, working out, etc. Still, it's scaring me because I am scared I will fall into old bad habits and start overeating again.
So I was just wondering, has anyone noticed this? I noticed I can eat more than I was 2 months ago. It's freaking me out a bit bc I'm scared I'll overeat, esp bc certain foods are easier to overeat than others. The other day, I got a bag of organic Doritos and ate the whole bag throughout the day. I know I shouldn't have, but I was weak.

So, has anyone experienced this? Has it affected your progress at all? Please be kind. ❤️

Thanks!

I hope I don't come across as rude when I write this but everyone has different likes or dislikes and you clearly say you have never liked alcohol from the outset so good for you but the post does come across as judgmental. If someone likes to have a drink it is up to them as adults to do as they wish, be it too many calories etc. It is everyone's choice to make if they would like to have a drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) and deal with the consequences, if there are any like weight gain, reflux, dumping etc.
Do you like eggs? I don't like the smell or taste of them so why do you eat them? Just making the point!

When it comes to virtually any human behavior or endeavor there are people that from the very first exposure love it more than life itself and those that believe it is the worst thing in existence and can't grasp the appeal. Many of the former simply can't understand the latter's aversion and vice versa. There are people that take up behaviors or endeavors they hate in order to fit in just as there people that avoid behaviors or endeavors to fit in. And those that do or don't do things to not fit in.
We all only have the actual experience of what is going on in our heads. We have no experience of what other people experience in their heads. This is a major stumbling point of being human. If another person seems to love a behavior or experience as much as I do I still can't know their experience. Nor can I experience their hate or disgust. We are each stuck in our own heads.
Empathy can only get us so far. Empathy allows us to intellectually understand that people have reasons for doing things just as I have reasons for doing similar or analogous things. Empathy doesn't cause me to experience what another person experiences.
So, while I intellectually understand there are different strokes for different folks, I will never experience those different strokes the same as different folks.
People are freaks. Well, not me of course.
Good luck,
Tek

Lol it means the same thing here in the U.S...its why I was wondering if there was a different meaning I was unaware of! My husband says I'm a cheap date now since all I order to eat is off the children's menu or an appetizer! As far as a cheap drinker..I've always been a light weight drinker aka "cheap" date..I start getting numb faced at two drinks!
I also thought that's what ppl were doing here...did I miss something?
I think we all fall into the text is hard to interpret emotions or angles...where ppl are coming from or what they're asking/responding to. I, unfortunately, am very analytical fact driven and dry with a side of as my husband says "Ice Queen" sprinkled in with a side of smart arse..so ppl take it wrong because its text and quite possibly in person too 😋. Understanding that I'm taken as being "angry, uptight or questioning of ppl or I lack emotions" I tend to think most are generally just asking questions with no ill intent knowing I'm taken wrong a lot (even on these forums)..so I try and give ppl the benefit of the doubt. Its also why I use emoji jic I come off wrong or confrontational.
Unfortunately, some read into peoples statements/post; emotions and textual intent that just aren't there (or maybe they are and I just chose to ignore it or not see it). Either way, I personally haven't seen ANY hostility on this particular topic just as you said people discussing a difficult topic and asking questions -nothing more..so I agree!

Hi! Happy to answer this. I am 10 months post op. Had my first glass of champagne 6 weeks out. Sipped it for hours. You will get hit by the alcohol quickly. Alcohol will get you twice as drunk for the same amount due to starvation / not drinking for ages.
i am a social weekend drinker and attend lots of events. I can say since then I will have a drink or two every weekend. Without shame or issue. I simply count my alcohol calories. I have lost 30% of my body weight and weigh in the low 60s now. You have to live your life - I’m not into banning foods and rules. This is the beginning of the rest of your life. You have to have fun and enjoy it. Say you drink a bit and it takes you an extra month to reach your target? Who cares. At least it’s sustainable. Don’t feel ashamed for having a drink or two if that’s what you want to do. Just remember you will barely drink anything and feel the full effects. Lol. Best of luck!

being on these forums long enough i would assume that one should realize by now that everyone is different. we say/post it multiple times a day, every day.
i don't like weight lifting . it's don't like olives. i don't like talking about my wls.
others don't feel the same way. i get that.
we are all different people getting our own versions of joy. i may not make the same connections to things as you do, and thats cool.
i mean, some people have sex every day while others don't. some people weigh themselves every morning others don't. some people read books while others don't.
why do people drink too much and become alcoholics? alcohol is so gross. this line if thinking is the close sibling to why do people eat too much and get fat? being fat is so gross. to paraphrase you: "but how did you get to the point where <eating> was enjoyable enough to do it often <that u end up being 300 lbs>?"
the incredulity in your post is loud and clear...but really, if u think about it, its not that impossible to understand (especially from the point of view from a person who was morbidly obese)
your intention may be not to sound judgy...but in my very insignificant opinion, you kinda do.
but i mean, you are entitled to say whatever you want. i guess i just wanna ask you to take a pause and reflect on how ur post may or may not have come across.
sorry. 😔
i don't normally weigh in this heavily in anonymous internet chats as i hate confrontation, but this touched a wee nerve for me.
(i may just delete this post after i overthink it to death...we shall see...i have already edited this post a gazillion times in my overthinking, ha.)

I gave up beer and i drink vodka in Water and add crystal light. I only get the 100 calories from the vodka. However, you instant catch a buss and you can get drunk fast. Be cautious.

Why don't you like all the foods and drinks I like? I can't see how you don't like something I find so enjoyable.
Different strokes for different folks.
Good luck,
Tek

This is more of what I was looking for when I posted my question. I was, in no way, judging anyone for what they do and don't like. Personally, I couldn't get past the taste or smell of alcohol enough to get to the point where I liked it enough to do it everyday, or even every once in a while. What I was more curious about was if it was that way for others of if they liked it right from the beginning.
I know some people in my everyday life that hate the taste but drink it for the effects it gives, and that's more important to them than how it actually tastes. I know some who actually like the taste. And some who don't care either way but drink it in social settings more to fit in than anything else. So I was wondering how those on here that refuse to give it up (or even those that have no real opinion on it but still drink just because) got there. Do they have an addiction to it? Do they just enjoy the taste? Do they not care either way?
I always wonder the same thing about cigarettes. I hate the taste and smell, the idea that if I smoke, others could breathe in the 2nd hand smoke and it could hurt them, how it makes clothes/skin/cars/furniture/breath smell, etc... My mom smoked like a chimney and I never understood it. I'm not judging anyone who smokes, either. I literally just don't understand it.
I have an addiction to food, and I don't know why I turned something that I had a normal relationship with into an addiction that was slowly killing me. I don't know why it took having a major surgery to help me get back in control and on track. But I know food tastes good. Food smells good. There are exceptions, of course, but it's easy to find the good stuff. Since I've never thought of drugs, alcohol, or smoking as the good stuff, I'm always curious how anyone gets started on it to begin with. I know I can't go back to eating the way I did, or refusing to change the way I did things, or else I'll be right back to where I started. But why it took a surgery to get me here? I honestly don't know.
I've been on here long enough that people should know I don't have ill intentions when I ask a question. I have a genuine curiosity, and the only way people learn, is to ask.