jparadigm

I can't express how much I truly appreciate the honest and careful feedback from all of you...

I DO want to change, and I know exactly what I'm doing to myself.

NICKELCHIP you are an angel and reading your response touched my soul...leaving me pretty speechless at the moment.

I do feel very alone in my journey and It's ok, but sometimes it would be nice having someone in my life who can understand the depth of my journey and what it really means to be a supportive person. I'm not asking or expecting of it, and I'm very grateful to have come across a lot of genuine and kind people on this website. Having some reassurance and affirmation DOES go a long way though.

I think therapy and speaking with my team is my best option at this point. Group therapy will help with accountability and having people around who understand. It's just the act of actually doing it. LOL

As NickelChip said in her response about being comfortable in failure...I felt that. Seems when I do something good for myself, I give up on continuing it. Or sabotage it completely.

Thank you ALL again SO much ❤️

I believe in my heart I may be the only one doing this to myself...or even able to muster up the courage to talk publicly about it.

I'm not getting my Protein in.

I'm not getting my Water in.

I haven't been taking my Vitamins.

I haven't been to the gym in over 2 weeks.

I eat what I want, to the point of making myself puke with intolerable food.

I gave up. I drink alcohol. I'm lazy.

NO i'm not looking for pity, i'm genuinely curious to know if anyone else is or has been in my shoes..

I'm almost 5 months post-op, down 40+ pounds. Losing 1-2lbs per week SOMEHOW.

If you've been here, how did you get out of this fog? I'm petrified to address this with my doctor in fear of being judged. I'm in the closet with all this. Scared/anxious i'll just regain my weight over the next year. I feel im in concrete and have ABSOLUTELY NO motivation to change habits very disappointed in myself. Disgusted really.

Recently went to a gathering and seen myself in pictures and I am way bigger than i thought i was. im just all over the crazy table!

I'm currently 7 weeks post op today and I'm feeling better. I can eat again, but that's like all I want to do. Is anyone else having hunger issues? I have been struggling to get my Protein in every day. Some days I don't want to even eat hardly because I don't know if my stomach will agree. BUT im so hungry all the time. Like before surgery...and it's so disheartening.

On 4/25/2024 at 6:04 PM, K Ramirez said:

This is exactly how I feel almost word for word. I'm now 3 weeks post op and just feel... Uninspired, wanting to be in bed, upset that I'm not having as much success as others... I cheated also knowing I shouldn't even though was small.

Did it get any better for you?

Honestly, not really. I'm losing weight still but it's very slow. My stomach can't hardly handle anything. Not trying to be discouraging, as we all are going through different journeys. Mine has just been a struggle. I gain 2 pounds, lose 4. Gain 1. It's so all over the place. But also so is my hunger. It's still the same as before surgery, just now the only difference is I can't gorge myself like before...I hope this gets better for both you and I.

I'm familiar with Royal Oak!! I LOVE it there. I use to live in oakland coounty....for a few years actually. How has your journey been? You are most welcome to inbox me if you'd like! I'd love to connect.

WOW! I'm thrilled to see the feedback on this topic. It's comforting to know others journeys, especially on this topic. Fireball is my drink of choice...I know, lol. But it's just been my PIC for years now.....also Budweiser. But I know now after surgery that I won't be able to tolerate a bud and also holy crap calories. I figured I'll wait until summer to try a beer with everyone. I won't lie, I have had some fireball already and been just fine. I didn't experience a difference compared to before surgery...However, I noticed my "buzz" didn't last very long as i felt sobered up quickly before bed. Either way, I don't want to give up drinking...therefor I won't force myself to because hell, that's just another hurtle. I'm going to enjoy this process and if drinking weeds itself out of my life, then that's fine too.

Thank you all so much for giving input!

So...

I'm told I have to wait a minimum of 6 months to reengage in drinking fun...Which I was totally OK with in the beginning and still am, I just want to know about others out there who have drank alcohol PO and their experiences. I'm no daily drinker but I am a weekend warrior lol. I honestly can't wait for summer to be able to have a drink with the fam. I am absolutely aware of drinking being a conflict with my journey but it's something I've discussed with my care team and I'm not ready to fully give up on alcohol yet. I'm also aware of the "addiction" that can develop by drinking and I am NOT at all worried for that lol. Forgive me if this is triggering to some.

Thanks for all the responses! Glad to know I'm not alone in this! Today and yesterday seem to be better. I've been using MIO with Vitamins, tangerine flavor, and it's AMAZING! I highly recommend using this flavor if you're an orange-head like me! Any MIO flavor is good though...it doens't leave that weird after taste and is 0 cal.

Has anyone else had nausea after drinking Water? I'm creeping on 4 weeks PO and over this last weekend I dealt with nausea after drinking water??

On 4/5/2024 at 1:53 PM, AmberFL said:

HIYA!!

So, I am 11 weeks out, and I did not realize how bad my poor relationship with food, until I started to get to week 6 and I was super stressed out and just wanted to eat a burrito. I knew in my head I couldn't, so I got a salad from chipotle figured surely I can eat AT LEAST half. I threw up after 1/4 because it just was wayyyy too much food. Then once I did that I felt so pissed that I couldn't eat because I wanted to and it "helped" with my stress. That's how I used to cope, I would shove my face before I got home so my husband and kids didn't know then I would eat dinner with them still. In the beginning about where you are at, I journaled and I walked a lot. I tried to keep myself busy. My program says no caffeine for life and honestly last week I started to make iced coffees with latte Premier Protein and black Decaf cold brew that I make at home. That has helped my energy A LOT! I have been a sloth up until maybe last week.

This is allll so normal, speak to your dietician, try to distract yourself, remember your why. I have to remind myself that this surgery is not a cure all, the cravings will be there but this is an amazing tool. Its helping us become a healthier version of ourselves.

You got this!!! and We are here for you and your journey!

LOVE the feedback! It's so encouraging to learn everyone's stories and not feel so alone. I can relate so much with you and many others. I constantly remind myself that I CHOSE this it didn't choose me. I just can't wait to continue learning and growing from this experience. Thanks for the support

On 4/5/2024 at 3:54 PM, BlondePatriotInCDA said:

Its all about muscle memory, you've eaten a certain way far longer than your "militant" way. Plus, eating very strict structured ways isn't easy to maintain - be easy on yourself. Being constantly vigilant can't be done, our brains aren't able to maintain that at all times, slip ups occur. You need to retrain yourself, which is what the prediet is supposed to start you doing - changing your muscle memory and making new ones, but it took years to develop your old bad habits, it will take some time to reprogram yourself!

I eat very structured and pretty much the same food all the time and boy does my mind rebel! Its human nature to want what we can't have and to want a variety that tastes good (no matter how many times my dietician says celery and faux noodles taste good - they don't! Take that Jennifer!)

You know what and how you should be eating, instead of berating yourself leading to self anger and hatred of the "failures" take baby steps. You know you've done it before!

I still don't get my required H20 in and I'm six months PO. Just don't compare yourself to others on here that say they do get all their requirements in, you do what you can do. Its too daunting looking at going from a small amount to I'll do my full required Water ounces tomorrow. Looking at the full amount knowing you haven't done it - sets you up for being angry at yourself. Just add a few more ounces each day than you did the last day, same for Protein goals. Celebrate each addition as a victory!

Lastly, I never had the honeymoon period people talk about, my hunger came back quick (and no it wasn't "mind hunger" despite what ppl told me). I seldom feel full, I just eat the mandated size limits and stick to it knowing I'll just have to be hungry. Is it tough? Heck yeah, but I tell myself being hungry is better than being fat and I didn't go through all this to not do it.

Remember, we are all different and walk our own paths on this journey - you just have to walk yours as best you can from day to day, take baby steps before you run! Try different food combos on your pureed phase to keep it interesting, count your liquids in your Soups and Protein Drinks - they count and add up. Add Protein Powder to everything like I do to get your Protein in. You've got this!

Thanks for making me smile! I appreciate the feedback and your energy definitely helped. I do have to keep reminding myself this is a stretched-out process and to take it day by day. I know this phase will soon pass. I'm almost a month post-op and pretty soon I'll be adding texture to my diet. Thank you so much for your positive reinforcemnt. I'm so glad i joined this community. It really helps relating with others going through the same journey!

I'm from southwest Michigan looking for friends to connect with! I just had my surgery on March13 2024 and would love to connect with others out there going through the same or similar journey!

I HIGHLY recommend trying Mirilax. It's always been a heaven sent for me! It takes time, up to 3 days for some people but it works without cramping and diarrhea. I do a cap and 1/2 in about 8-10oz of liquid every day until i go, ususally about 2 days...hot cocoa was my go-to for liquid. I hope this helps!

10 hours ago, Bypass2Freedom said:

Hey @jparadigm, I wanted to say I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. I do think however that these feelings are entirely normal, and from reading others who have posted in these forums, a lot of people do go through this.

Dealing with our relationship with food is one of the hardest things to do, but as you know, is a key part of working with the tool of surgery. I think your idea of maybe seeking some help from a therapist/counsellor would be a good idea. I am pre-surgery, but I have therapy every week and my main focus at the moment is around my relationship to food.

I would say however, try not to beat yourself up too much, as this can do the opposite and not motivate you at all. You're still healing, and that takes a toll on you mentally and physically. This is all new for you.

Maybe start a journal and when you are feeling those cravings, write down what it is you want, and how you are feeling in that moment - try and pinpoint exactly what feeling is driving those cravings, sit with it, be interested in it. Hopefully that may start to give you that time to acknowledge how you are feeling before any incidents of deviating from your current food plan. Then think maybe about something else you can do that will give you that hit of dopamine!

Either way, speaking to someone about how you are feeling and seeking to address your relationship with food will be key, and you have already taken that first step in admitting how you feel here and seeking help.

Be kind to yourself x

Thank you for your kind response! I don't believe I gave myself enough time to adjust to this new lifestyle. I first met with my care team in January and then had surgery in March. This is all so new and honestly i'm excited for myself and know i can overcome these cravings. I'm so glad i found this website to be able to connect with others as well as read other stories...it gives hope.

Week 3

Puree diet sucks.

I may need to seek counseling as I didn't realize my relationship with food, or lack thereof, is this out of control. Maybe it's not a food addiction? Maybe I don't try hard enough? I lack control and I know it will affect me long-term. I convince myself that I'm trying, but am I really? I'm supposed to be eating/drinking plenty of Protein. 64oz of fluids per day, but I'm not. I have absolutely NO motivation to get out of bed or the control to not snack on foods I'm not even ready to properly digest. I keep telling myself I'm chewing enough so it's "basically pureed" before I swallow. I could literally be furthest from the truth. Wth is wrong with me? I did SO good for my pre-op diet. I was very militant, even drank more fluids than I was supposed to. I also lost more weight than my doctor asked me to. What happened? I'm hungry, what seems like, all the time. I was warned I may not like sweet things and even salty foods could throw me off. If anything, I'm craving those two like never before. I've been cheating with food already...drinking around 35oz of fluids per day, on a good day. I'm so tired all day all the time.

End rant...

I hope I'm not the only one here who is suffering from stagnancy and lack of control.

I will become stronger. I have faith in myself. It's just right now I'm at a loss.

38 minutes ago, summerseeker said:

I just could not do puree, I did Soups instead. I chewed any big lumps or squished them with the back of my spoon. I found a lot of these forward steps difficult. My team were very happy with me going at a slow and steady pace that suited my new stomach. When I was ready I went straight to regular foods like minced meats and vegetables and well cooked stews and casseroles.

You will find what you can eat one day will not be ok another day. My new stomach has tantrums even now. Just do your best. I was so turned off food and was never hungry. I had a filthy taste in my mouth all the time, numerous tooth brushings never altered this. I too had deep regrets, everything I ever knew about eating was altered. I had to find new ways to find pleasure because now we have to eat to live and not the other way around.

You will get there, just ride this out. Your hormones are running wild at the moment so it is all against you at the moment. Weight gains and stalls are all par for the course. You will get them all the time. A full bowel, a salty meal or salty broth can cause a temporary weight gain. Just stick to the plan and believe , it works. Soon you will be able to make your teams Water and Protein goals then you will feel so much better.

People think that doing WLS is the easy option. Its not, especially early on. Contact your team and tell them your struggles. Get counselling if you need it. Chat and vent on here, we all have. Everyone has had similar issues.

THANK YOU! So much for your kind response. This is indeed work and I intend to stick to the plan...it's been easy up until last week when I was able to start in on pureed foods. I took that as a challenge to see what I can thoroughly chew before swallowing. And I've paid the price by doing so...Easter was really hard. I'm trying my best to get my Proteins in, but more than that too. Didn't really realize sodium plays a negative roll as well.

I decided on surgery before gaining more weight. I was almost not qualified due to not weighing enough but my doctors worked with me. I have had a real bad relationship with food for so long. And with the pre-op diet going so well and the first 2 weeks of liquids i thought for sure I'd be golden by the time I hit pureed foods. But now I feel as if I've just set myself back. I have to really digest this new lifestyle change. Thanks for responding it really means a lot.

On 3/6/2024 at 8:35 AM, swimbikerun said:

Premier Protein. chocolate. vanilla in coffee.

Premier is definitely my favorite!!

1 hour ago, TMC0211 said:

Good Morning! Here is a update; I'm almost at my one month mark (on the 6th), I've lost a total of 40lbs. 20 Pre Op and 20 post op. I'm currently on pureed foods, its going good. I eat mostly eggs with cottage cheese, ricotta bake and sweet potato. To help ensure I reach my Protein goals, I will have a fairlife Protein Shake or Vidafuel. If you haven't heard of Vidafuel, its good to have, especially if you're on the go a lot. One 2oz shot is 16grams of Protein, my dietician recommended it. There are two flavors Mixed berry and Orange; orange is by far the better flavor. I'm struggling with my Water intake, its been difficult to get 64oz in; I'm only getting about 43oz, so I've been doing hydrating IVs. My doctor prescribed hyoscyamine and that has helped me tremendously; it relaxes muscles in the digestive tract and reduces stomach acid. I have been walking and I think that's also helped with gas pains. Hope everyone is doing good!

SO happy for you!! Sounds like you've been doing all the necessary things needed for your health! I'm, however, struggling with the pureed diet. Do you have any recommendations for pureed foods? I'm struggling tremendously with the textures...and craving to just CHEW. lol. I'm going to look into Vidafuel today im so glad i came across your reply!

1 hour ago, TMC0211 said:

My surgery was scheduled March 13th! I'm currently 3 weeks post-op and things have started to become tricky with the pureed diet! I hope your surgery went well and you're doing great!!!

I'm currently 3 weeks post-op from gastric sleeve surgery and am struggling BIG time with the diet. The pureed foods aren't doing it for me as the texture is not right...Has anyone else struggled with this? If so, please let me know what worked for you...I've always resorted to food when I'm feeling low and now I can't...I have snacked on no-no foods already and I'm petrified of returning old habits. I've gained 2-3 pounds in the last week and that's incredibly discouraging. I know it could possibly be Water retention as my intake hasn't been a full 64oz per day. I know I'm not getting enough Protein as well...I'm ready to resort back to a full liquid diet in hopes to lose weight over the next couple weeks...any suggestions would be incredibly helpful!