kbeana

My RNY is scheduled for one week from today. I was all in until a couple weeks ago. I am a person that likes a lot of information so I've been watching a ton of videos and joined a few groups like this one. I know there are always chances of complications but the more I look, the more I'm seeing people that went through them, and people that really regret having it done. So now I'm basically terrified. I know no one can tell me what to do. I'm more or less talking it out myself by listing the pros and cons, but I'd also love to have input from people that have gone through it, especially if they are around the same size and situation as me. I am 5' 7" and my highest weight that I recall was 266. I have lost weight and regained it a thousand times in my life. I started the bariatric program a year and a half ago at 254 but a few months later for family issues I had to drop out. By that point I had lost weight on my own and was confident I could do it myself this time, but of course gained what I'd lost and then some. I started again this past April. I am really in the kick ass mindframe since then and have gotten down to 212 - actually 209.5 as of this morning. I'm again in that frame of mind thinking I've lost 55 on my own, I can lose the next 50 as well. And it is definitely possible, though it would be difficult. Keeping it off even more difficult, though again possible. I really have no major health issues, the primary reason is because I'm tired of being this size and failing constantly at losing it myself. I'm tired of shopping in plus size, tired of being scared about sitting in theater seats or a rollercoaster. Tired of seeing pictures of myself and not recognizing that person. I do have sleep apnea and use a cpap. I had a pre-op scope and they found I have grade B esophigitis, though I have no symptoms and very rarely get heartburn. For that reason I was hesitant to get a sleeve, and so many people that get a sleeve are going back for a revision that I decided gastric bypass was the way to go, and my surgeon agreed. I think if someone could see my future and tell me I wouldn't have any major complications and everything went smoothly, I would not even hesitate to do this. My insurance will cover it, I have the time off work. I feel like I'm mentally prepared to do what needs to be done - but I also know many people feel that way but underestimate exactly how it'll go. I feel like I have a pretty good pain tolerance and can get though that ok. Things I'm nervous about: major complications, of course. Getting in enough water and protein in the small amounts you can take in at a time (although I know it can be done). Food aversions - I'm a fairly picky person anyway and you read about people that can't eat anything without feeling sick, even a long time after surgery. Future pain and inability to take ibuprofen - I am allergic to Tylenol and get hives so I'm kind of out of options in the future. I have told a few people because I don't want the negativity ahead of time. Some are jealous and wish their insurance covered it and think I'm crazy to have second thoughts. Some have said look at how well I've done on my own, I can do this on my own without surgery. My husband says he'll support me but he also says he thinks I look great now and don't need it. He's gone to a couple classes with me and was visibly horrified when shown a video of the surgery, and I think he's more scared than he lets on. I have 2 daughters 16 and 21 that are very much momma's girls - one is nervous for the surgery, the other says 'you do you, dawg', lol. Both of them struggle with depression and I would be gutted if something happened to me because I'm not sure they'd handle it well. This is turning into a novel, I'm sorry. I had 2 women that have gone through it say no way would they go through having their guts surgically rearranged for just 45 pounds. And then I see others on here roughly my size that are happy as hell they went through it. And again, I know no one can tell me what to do. I am just trying to get as much info as possible. I don't necessarily buy the whole "my cousin had this surgery and these horrible things happened" stuff, or even "my cousin had this surgery, never had any complications and is thrilled with it" - but when I hear it directly from the people that went through it, it carries more weight. Thanks if you've gotten this far!!